Vince wants the talent to become better actors, Cyber Sunday has become a texting phenomenon (OMG! KTHXBY) and it’s already safe to forget you’ve ever met Dolph Ziggler.

Opening Witty Banter
Hello to everyone out there reading this from your office chairs, couches, toilets or where ever you may be. I’m back from a ridiculous whirlwind of a weekend at my Unversity’s homecoming festivities. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing floating through my system right now except Coor’s Light, vodka, Red Bull and shame. With that being said, let’s get on with the news.

And being this is a WWE-centric column, I’m not going to touch on Scott Hall, Iron Sheik, a tasteless Owen Hart joke or the TNA bar fight. It’s not often that TNA has better drama than WWE.

The News of the Week
The newest company mandate that has come apparently come down from Vince McMahon himself is that he wants the in-ring talent to become better legitimate actors. That is part of the reason that Freddie Prinze, Jr. was hired by the company, in that maybe he could use his superior acting skills to help out the wrestling talent who is trained to wrestle. Vince apparently feels that company’s acting and skits should be on the par with regular scripted television programs.

Initially when I read this I didn’t think this was that big of a deal, but as I typed this out I realize how ludicrous this mandate is. First off, these guys and girls are trained to be wrestlers first and foremost, not highly trained actors on par with the cast of CSI. Remember back in the day when we had naturally charismatic managers and main event level talents who were relied on to carry the entertainment and talking portions of a wrestling show. Sending a guy like Charlie Haas or D-Lo Brown into acting classes so that they can deliver some poorly scripted dialogue better is a gross misuse of time, talent, energy and money. Plus a guy like Paul London has apparently voluntarily taking acting classes in the past and yet he sits on the sidelines and rots.

Matt Striker missed No Mercy last weekend because his father passed away.

I think it’s safe to say that the thoughts and prayers of the Pulse Wrestling staff go out to Striker.

Kelly Kelly posted on her MySpace blog that she is NOT posing for Playboy this year and she wants to just focus on her wrestling skills.

Well I’m sure they find someone on the roster who will show their tatas come WrestleMania season. It’s become just as much of an institution as Undertaker’s streak at this point.

Cyber Sunday this year will all be decided through text message voting. Apparently each cell phone number is open to ten individual votes per match, and you will be charged 99 cents per vote.

So a concept that was originally based on Internet fan voting, hence the term “cyber” has now an overly expensive texting game. With this new plan it seems as if they are trying to corner on the market on the fourteen-year-old girls who I’m sure are watching WWE in droves.

Umaga made his return this past week at the FCW taping. Meanwhile Tomko was also spotted backstage at the show.

YES! Let the Tomko return rumors start up. I know I’m clamoring for a reunion of that epic Snitsky-Tomko tag team.

Meanwhile developmental talent Nick Sinn/Original Sinn/Sinn Bowdee will be debuting on SmackDown! shortly, using the moniker Kizarney.

If anyone doesn’t think that the name is an obvious play on the old kayfabe/carny speak from the wrestling days of old, you’re sadly mistaken pal.

In other developmental talent news, Dolph Ziggler, the former Nicky and Nick Nemeth, has been suspended for his first Wellness violation.

So the guy hasn’t wrestled on TV yet and he already finds himself in hot water. I understand that this new gimmick probably relied on Nemeth having a rock star body, but this is bad luck for young Nicky. This is his third different stint on WWE TV, with his third wildly different character, so obviously someone in the office has faith in this guy, but I wonder if this little mishap will be the one that puts an end to Nemeth’s tumultuous career.

D-Lo Brown has announced on his blog on WWE Fan Nation that he has been diagnosed with what has become known as “golfer’s elbow,” despite D-Lo never picking up a golf club.

Poor D-Lo. When he re-signed with the company a few months back I had high hopes for his return, but essentially he has become fodder for Santino Marella, and not much else.

Dos Caras, Jr., a top luchador from EMLL, had been rumored to be going to WWE for months now, but on Friday Caras came out and announced that he has not signed with the company, stating that the company did not offer him enough money. He said he would be with EMLL for the next three months at least in anticipation of getting a higher dollar offer from WWE.

I’m unfortunately not up on Caras at all, but I would image he probably makes pretty good money down in Mexico and then looked up and saw what the company is doing and has done with Super Crazy and probably thought he was better off where he’s at.

Wrestler of the Week
Week of October 6 – 12: John Morrison
This week I’ve got to go with the guy who simply entertained me the most in what ended up being kind of a quiet week on WWE television. Morrison was great with his commentary during that twisted social experiment of the Kelly Kelly-Jillian Hall match on RAW last week. He then followed up the next night on ECW by taking the winning pinfall in a great eight-man tag match. Those types of matches are what need to be shown on ECW every week in order to differentiate the show from its two “big brothers.”

RAW’s On Tonight!
Cyber Sunday is coming up fast so I’m sure they’ll be more wacky shenanigans hyping up the super-cool voting premise of the PPV. The only thing announced is that The Great Khali, who is a SmackDown! guy the last time I checked, will be on RAW for the third week in a row. This time he’ll be there to challenge Johnny Knoxville to some sort of wacky shenanigans. Meanwhile RAW’s upper and middle card continues to be quite intriguing with intertwining stories from guys like Batista, Chris Jericho, Shawn Michaels, Randy Orton, JBL, CM Punk, Kofi Kingston and Simply Priceless. Plus Rey Mysterio and Kane look to be continuing their grudge, and I’m hoping and praying for more comedic wackiness from both Glamarella and Charlie Haas, who seems to have found a career resurgence with his new impersonator gimmick.

On Last Week’s Episode…
Norine and Daniels Friday Night Kovlov…I mean SmackDown!

Glazer steps in a lights up the comments board with his recap of ECW. Meanwhile Bones steps in to provide some additional coverage.

Marshall loves it RAW.

How They Rated
A.M. RAW (10.5.08) – .6

RAW (10.6.08) – 3.9

ECW (10.7.08) – 1.2

SmackDown! (10.10.08) –

This is Boring, What Else is There to Read?
Wiswell talks about Homcide y Hernandez arriving in Ring of Honor.

Kirschner returns and banishes Pro Wrestling Guerrilla from his column.

Glazer and Andy discuss Ring of Honor’s MVP for 2008.

Ditch gets to interview Mike Quackenbash.