Because, in spite of the fact that it was causing me psychic pain last week, I still watched Impact and took notes. Until I can afford some cult deprogramming, I might as well do something with that and tack it on to my Smackdown reactions. I draw the line at reacting to AWA repeats again, though. For now.

Impact Thoughts:
1. Smarkish/logical reaction to Angle’s Hulk-like rampage on all of the jobbers, part 1: It was sure was great that, after picking up their first win on Impact in months, Angle immediately punked out the Motor City Machine Guns. By himself. At least he Angle Slammed the absurdly ripped for his size Sanjay Dutt.

2. Speaking of Sanjay, I won’t any more. I will talk about his new arm candy. Well, sort of. Some fan had a sign with a drawing of a cartoonish Val on a yacht, drinking champagne next to a bag with a dollar sign on it. I just felt like pointing it out. Because it blew my mind. Also because that person could never make it in comics, because they made her boobs smaller.

3. Smarkish/logical reaction to Angle’s Hulk-like rampage on all of the jobbers, part 2- I realize that they were trying to show us just how angry Angle was, and really, it’s not like Prince Justice Brotherhood or the Rock ‘n’ Rave Infection have any heat to lose. That said, at a certain point, wouldn’t all the jobbers band together to fend him off? Maybe next week. In an alternate reality. Were Impact is live every week. On the moon! A better world, in other words.

4. Furthermore; wouldn’t it have been cooler if Matt Morgan had scared Angle off of European uppercutting people in to the hospital instead of being sicked on him by Jim Cornette via telephone? I know he was all stressed out over forcing Abyss in to the match that wound up causing him to be set on fire, but still; I would have liked that better, at least.

5. Also, what does it say of Impact that Corny would rather be in Vegas than there to do his job? I mean, I’m sure we’d all rather be in Vegas than watch Impact, but that doesn’t reflect on them well.

6. Nash’s heel turn promo was pretty hilarious, in that he had to all but beg the crowd to boo him. I mean, he was this close to threatening to break in to people’s houses and start wrecking up the place. Or some other Futurama reference I can’t even properly mangle. But he really did everything but plead with the crowd to get some heel heat (although he might have and they just cut that part out). One nice thing; he didn’t elicit a chant.

7. Aaron covered how dumb Foley’s farewell after a month in the company was. His promo was good, though, even if that was solely because Mick Foley can deliver a good promo in his sleep.

The fact that it was more or less ripping of Sting’s fake farewell from a couple years back (with the younger wrestlers giving him his props as he walked off and everything) was kind of annoying. Especially since, now that I think of it, that was a shockingly well done angle.

All that said, to take a “look on the bright side of life” posture here, at least they didn’t drag it out for weeks or months on end before bringing him back for his match with Kurt Angle.

8. This was such a talky show that even Christy Hemme got a chance to cut a fired up promo, and utter a pretty hilarious line (“I’ll make sure I’m PMSing next week”), to set up a match with the Beautiful People next week. And it was actually pretty good, really.

8a. Considering that the Beautiful People beat her down to bring about that promo, she’s either turning face (and hopefully dumping the embarrassing Guitar Hero/Rock Band without drums gimmick) or going to become a third member of the mean girls clique in TNA, if Russo feels like trotting out that old chestnut again.

8b. Or someone else on the booking team. Sometimes I feel like I’m being unfair to the guy by blaming so many things on him, but to be fair, I did sit through his run as an on-screen character in WCW, so really he’s lucky I don’t blame him for everything wrong with the world.

9. On Morgan vs. Angle; Angle was nice enough to sell how physically spent he’d be after beating up jobbers for half an hour (and then threatening to murder Jarrett’s family, I think; well, that wouldn’t make you physically spent, but I had to mention it somewhere). But he also kicked out of Morgan’s finisher clean (even if it was in like 2 and 59/60), so… that’s exactly as much ass as he’s willing to show for the guy they’ve been pushing as their next big thing, I guess. Had he not won clean with a glorified back drop (although I guess that’s Morgan’s fault, sell wise), I’d be more willing to not rag on him.

10. They did at least build up the Vegas show as something worth watching (or as close as TNA can get to making anything they do sound worth watching, at least). I mean, they built to it, and that was nice. I’m back in a place where I’m trying to give these people the benefit of the doubt and not hate on them. I have no idea why.

Let’s move on to a show I’m watching for reasons beyond muddled psychological issues, shall we?

Smackdown 10 Thoughts:

1. Helms mocking one of the scrawny jobbers Show murderized was about the only fun thing during that whole opening segment. “Hey sideburns, have you been watching at all?” Ha! Well, that and Chavo having to strain to get the mic up to Big Show. A knockout match is one of the three choices for Show vs. UT at Cyber Sunday, which you can exclusively vote for exclusively on the internet exclusively here.

2. The Colons vs. Hawkins and Ryder was just kind of there. I think that the Colons could be a really fun team to watch if they had opponents that didn’t suck as bad as Hawkins and Ryder. So hopefully they phase those two out of the Smackdown tag scene soon.

3. They’ve made MVP’s jobbing out a storyline, which at least fits his character (he gets a performance based bonus if he wins another match). His match with Killings was again just kind of there, but Killings does seem to be getting over based on his “rap through the crowd” shtick.

4. MARYSE IN A FRENCH MAID’S OUTFIT! Yeah, that deserved me write-shouting. Also, they’re running with Kung Fu Naki, which is pretty great. But mostly MARYSE IN A FRENCH MAID’S OUTFIT! It even fits her ethnicity! And she’s going to wear that during a segment on the PPV? Let me get out my wallet! Why no, I don’t watch a lot of porn. Why do you ask?

5. The Kendrick brightens up our drab lives by making an appearance. He pulls a heel fake out, however, and we have to watch Ezekiel and his ill fitting tights (which Helms mocked) squash Super Crazy instead. Now that his singles push has been stalled, maybe they should make those two a tag team. And get ‘Zeke some better fitting pants, while they’re at it. Maybe he can steal Crazy’s awesome entrance pancho.

6. Khali’s turning face beyond roughing up Johnny Knoxville, apparently. Had to happen some time. I’ve always wondered if they could pull it off, really. I have no idea what they’re going to do with him if they do, but hey, it’s a thing. Match between him and UT was their usual; maybe a little better, to be fair, but nothing beyond what you’d expect out of them.

7. Maria won the oversized dice on a pole match to get a title shot at McCool. Okay then. Maryse put on her usual costume instead of the FRENCH MAID OUTFIT, so that on top of the fact that matches on a pole (and multi Diva matches) pretty much are never good totally killed my interest.
7a. They’re still playing up Festus’s crush on Maria. If I was here, I’d be leery of getting involved with a guy loosely based on Lennie from Of Mice and Men, but to be fair, her character probably never read it, so if he does crush her neck while combing her hair, it will be new to her. He’s still a step up from Santino, though.

8. Ryan Braddock does look a lot like APA-era JBL, so I can see why they pitched him as a family member. He and Dykstra don’t even rate an entrance at this point, which is kind of sad.

9. Kizarny got two vignette videos. They weren’t exactly the same one. You can learn more about him from bossman Matt right here. I tend to think he’s less Doink Doggy Dogg and more a Bizarro Swedish guy, but I guess it depends on what trashy pop culture you’re in to.

10. Kozlov vs. Hardy was… I wasn’t really in to it, but it wasn’t bad, necessarily. I really don’t get why they’re pushing Kozlov so hard, outside of Stephanie’s supposed crush on him. Hardy didn’t get any hope spots in until the end of the match, and then lost to a headbutt. This is a guy who has kicked out of the Pedigree. So that was kind of hard to swallow.

Despite my lack of interest in Kozlov, I have to give them points for trying to make a new star. We always say we want that and get annoyed when they do it with the wrong guys. Not that I can’t see why people would be turned off by their choices most of the time, but there is always that dichotomy there on the wrestling internerd.

Hell, sometimes I come around on these guys they give monster pushes to that I initially don’t think much of and really start to like him as a worker. Well, at least with Umaga. But it has happened! Maybe I’ll stop being bemused by this guy at some point, but I’m really just hoping Edge recovers from his immolation soon and takes his belt back. Well, I’d like that a taco that poops ice cream, while I am wishing for impossible things.