Quick News

Randy Orton will be returning imminently.

The Raw reviewed below is imminently, right?

Evan Bourne is injured.

He’ll be out for about four months. Given his size and style, hopefully his push won’t stall out and he won’t get an “injury prone” reputation. Since WWE rarely pushes guys of his style, they might see this as a sign that the style leads to injuries. That’d be ridiculous given the proliferation of injuries by bigger, slower workers, but WWE isn’t often the land of logic.

SD Jones died in Antigua at 63.

SD worked with a very good friend of my dad after retirement and was a stand up guy who was always very helpful, so this one hits hard. Best of wishes for whatever’s next, SD.

In other news, SD sent a special delivery from the great beyond, giving a SD Lariat to JBL for daring to try to be Hansen for Halloween.

For more WWE news, including lots of licensing issues, check This Week in ‘E.

Wrestling the Issue

This week we’ll take a look at ten young talents in WWE, what their role and push have been like and what their potential would seem to be. The cutoff is about a year in WWE. Wrestlers will be alphabetized.

Evan Bourne – The independent scene’s Matt Sydal parlayed his WSX success into a WWE developmental deal, then proceeded to mix WWE style with his superb flying to become a real rising star and the heir apparent to Rey Mysterio as the little guy who can go with the big men. His injury may derail things, but WWE fans who want a different style really should hope otherwise.

Primo Colon – Primo hasn’t been given a lot in the ring to show what he can do. His matches have been decent length, but quite formulaic. He’s yet to show the flashes of athleticism and talent that Carlito has, which may be his saving grace, allowing him to grow into a greater role, rather than being thrust there and thought lazy.

Ted Dibiase – Big, athletic and already a plus worker who can talk, Dibiase is all but guaranteed a future main event slot. Being set up as the number 2 guy behind Orton, he’s also most likely to turn face and get the title push that will go along with that. Many see him as a natural heel, but he seems to know what to do in every situation and could be quite the utility star.

Festus – Somehow, he’s turned his big retard deal into a huge hit. That could make him a fun mid-carder as a face or heel, so long as the WWE resist the urge to turn him too evil or too normal. Those might hit it big, but a guy at his level who’s over is a huge asset and slowly raising him up the card, he could become a face Kane jack-of-all-trades.

Scotty Goldman – The former Colt Cabana is getting a push as a jobber to the stars. As a good comedy wrestler, he’s apparently kind of pissed someone off, as pretty much every rookie is getting more to do than him. He has the talent to both amuse and make people care, but seems destined to be a jobber until he’s forgotten.

Ezekiel Jackson – Zeke is a huge guy. He can’t really work, but given the size and slowness of his push, he actually reminds me of Deacon Batista debuting with Brother D-Von. This way he gets to be a monster without doing much as he’s broken in. I’d actually guess that do to the time being taken with his push, I’d guess more long term success for him than Koslov. Let’s just hope he brings Spanky with him.

Jesse – Terry Gordy’s son might be the best worker of the current crop of young guys, not that you’d ever notice. He can really sell, chain his work together, and gain sympathy. Obviously WWE would prefer the huge Festus getting a huge push, but if Gordy had anywhere near that size or the size of his father, he’d go quite far.

Kofi Kingston – Kofi got a very similar push to CM Punk when he debuted on ECW, going undefeated and using a non-traditional style. At first, his timing was off and he sold awkwardly, but since his move to Raw, along with being better protected, he’s become quite crisp offensively and his selling has improved, after all, if there’s one thing you can say about the ‘E, it’s that they get their guys to sell. Currently, he’s getting the rub as a tag champion with former World Champion, CM Punk.

Vladamir Kozlov – He’s big and the WWE, particularly Stephanie McMahon, apparently think he’s going to be a major star. He’s certainly dangerous looking, but I’ve yet to be made to believe he can last long term due to his lack of ability. Considering who’s favorite he is, perhaps Hunter can give him on the job training and make him a star, much like he did Batista. Short of that, however, it’s difficult to see how he’ll last as a top guy more than someone like Nathan Jones did.

Santino Marella – Santino debutes as a straight lace Italian babyface, but was beyond boring in the role. Since then, he has discovered a true comedic talent, with the rare ability to be hilarious, draw heat while doing so, and make people pay to see him get beat up. He has no in-ring talent besides taking a beating, but what else does he really need given how great he is at what he does?

Ricky Ortiz – WWE apparently saw something I didn’t here. He looks slow and awkward in the ring with no charisma. I wish there was more, as he has a decent, fairly unique look, but since there isn’t, his push was essentially wasted.

Cody Rhodes – Yet another dull babyface at first, his family lines suggested the potential for more. Since joining with Ted Dibiase, Jr. his ring psychology has taken a huge step up, as his actions are vicious and precise. Dibiase gets all the love, but Cody’s amazing improvement in the ring and improving facials when wrestling and on the mic mean he can really break out.

Jack Swagger – Jack is a big, all American, smug wrestler. He seems like he’s being primed as a big deal, working with Dreamer and Finlay to help him put it together. So far he has a lot of work to do, but guys his size with his quickness are considerably rare, so I’d guess he gets every chance to succeed. Unless he flames out like Sean O’Haire, he’ll keep getting chances until he figures it out. With his athletic talent, he really should.

The Smarkish Raw Ranty Short Review Thing for Raw, 11/3/08

Hot damn, three hours of this shit this week. Wish me luck.

We open with Randy Orton. I suppose if you have time to kill and want to hear someone ramble for a bit, this makes sense. He’s surprisingly brief, demanding Shane and Stephanie fire Mike Adamle or he won’t leave ringside.

Match 1: Matt and Jeff Hardy vs. MVP and The Brian Kendrick with Ezekiel

Damn, way to get me right on your side Raw. A short promo then a match featuring some of the best workers in WWE, including a personal favorite in Kendrick. The faces controlled most here, but since the WWE considers them legends as a team, that doesn’t surprise. The short heat segment was sit by Jeff landing on his neck when missing a move and being spanked by Kendrick for a bit. The faces made a quick comeback and a swanton finished.

The Hardyz defeat Kendrick and MVP (Pin, Swanton, **)
Inoffensive, fast, fun and made sense. I have no complaints.

Showing the start of Raw at the Manhattan Center is awesome, especially considering how much ROH I’ve been through there recently. The Heenan segments shown are pure money.

We return from break with the Raw moment of the Kid defeating Razor Ramon. It’s hard to imagine how big that was now, but jobbers just never beat top guys like Razor back then.

A Battle Royal is next and the winner gets an IC title shot next week. Not bad filler. Santino Marella, the Intercontinental Champion comes out.

Match 2: Battle Roya: Ted Dibiase Jr vs. Gaspar vs. Snitsky vs. Cody Rhodes vs. JTG vs. Manu vs. Jaime Noble vs. William Regal

They do normal Battle Royal spots and Dibiase eliminates his partners and Snitsky. Regal eliminated Noble, so Noble beats him up. Dibiase is alone with Cryme Time and eliminates JTG. Dibiase then gets rid of Gaspar. Regal sneaks up behind Dibiase and takes him out.

Regal wins the Battle Royal
Regal vs. Marella makes sense in that since Raw is in England, Regal will be a huge face and Noble can cost him the belt, drawing good heat everywhere else. Dibiase looked pretty awesome there, as well.

Stephanie McMahon arrives with Shane.

The next replay is Vince announcing he bought WCW, only for Shane to cut him off and say he bought WCW first. This lead to the incredible weak Invasion.

Randy Orton gets in the ring again to announce that either Adamle or Orton goes. Shane comes out. Apparently being on time would be too much for the owners. Shane and Randy argue a bit and Adamle announced that he wanted to be the first GM to not take a side. Adamle then proceeds to resign.

Randy demands an apology. Shane says no, that Randy should apologize. Randy has been ready to wrestle for weeks and hasn’t said anything about it. Randy wanted to wait until Survivor Series, but Shane demands he wrestle tonight… against CM PUNK!

McCain and Obama decide to talk down to the wrestling audience while spouting catchphrases. Lets just pretend that didn’t happen. Remember, unless you’re in a swing state, your vote doesn’t count. Vote independent so that we can maybe get some outside representation into the government in some small way.

Match 3: Vladamir Koslov vs. Bret “The Hitman” Haas

Well, it was good to hear that song again. Koslov squash.

Koslov defeats Hass (Pin, Battering Ram, dud)
Predictable, but, again, I was just happy to hear Bret’s music again.

Batista cuts a promo hyping his steal cage match with Jericho for the World Title, tonight.

The next moment is DX storming WCW headquarters with a tank. That didn’t entertain me as much as it did everyone else.

Match 4: Degeneration X vs. The Miz and John Morrison

Triple H asks if we’re ready, but Shawn isn’t and airs Miz and Morrison mocking them on ECW and beating up jobbers dressed as them. Triple H notes that was done in segment 4. Michaels notes that Triple H’s nose is really huge… but what he’s really mad at is when they mocked his chaps (regardless of his wife being punched in the face). Triple H says he’s mad they mentioned Shawn losing his hair… and Shawn notes that they didn’t mock that. This leads DX to showing high school pictures for Miz and Morrison, since that’s where they were when DX formed. Usually, the juvenile humor doesn’t work, but this segment is made of pure win. Now, Shawn’s ready… quoting Spongebob. Okay, after calling their opponents gay, “lllllllllllllllllet’s get ready to suck it” and we’re finally onto Miz and Morrison’s entrance… as they get to cut off Shawn’s part? Impressive! That’s a rub!

The match had the heels winning until Morrison manages to work over HBK. A hot tag to Triple H and he cleans up both opponents, until he walks into a big kick, but HBK saves. Morrison takes out Triple H, kips up and nails Sweet Chin Music. Instead of punning he and Miz do the suck it and work Triple H over. Miz goes for a Pedigree, but is backdropped out. Triple H is now mad, hits a Pedigree and we’re done.

Triple H and HBK defeat Miz and Morrison (Pin, Pedigree, ***)
Miz and Morrison got a lot more than expected. They fully showed up Michaels and only fell to the current World Champion of Smackdown. I can live with that; they lost due to their hubris, as much as their opponents skill. Way to put them over in loss, WWE!

JBL talks to Shane about becoming GM. Shane makes a match for JBL vs. The Undertaker instead.

Our next Raw moment is Mike Tyson signing to be the enforcer for Wrestlemania 14 and Steve Austin confronting him.

16 Diva match is up. I’m not recapping it. Silicon flies. Read here for a recap of this mess. You know what, from now on Diva matches just don’t happen on this recap unless they’re good. I’d explain more, but when 70-year-old Mae Young is, at worst, the second or third best worker out of 16, I quit.

Next we have the Rock and Hogan deciding to face off at Wrestlemania.

Match 6: CM Punk vs. Randy Orton

Orton, having no gear, not expecting to wrestle, had better not beat Punk cleanly.

They have a solid back and forth match, but as Orton is set for the RKO, Dibiase, Rhodes and Manu hit the ring. For this, Orton punts Dibiase.

Punk defeats Orton (Disqualification, Dibiase beatdown, **)
This story just got a lot more interesting. Is anyone turning face? Are we going heel vs. heel? Did plans change that much? Is Randy just a tweener now? I can really see cocky, badass Tweener Orton getting hugely over so I hope that’s the direction.

Cody Rhodes and Manu get in Orton’s face. He dares them to do something. They don’t move (weak) and he says there may be hope for them yet.

Stephanie says she liked Adamle’s speech. Adamle says he’s leaving because Steph kept over-ruling all of his decisions and she’s a megalomaniac. She says controlling Raw is her birthright. Shane comes back and has a Survivor Series announcement that he won’t share with Stephanie.

The next Raw moment is the ladder match between Jeff Hardy and The Undertaker.

Jim Ross is out to call the next match.

Match 7: The Undertaker vs. JBL

They do an extended squash, but JBL chooses to take a countout.

Undertaker defeats JBL (Countout, Dud)

Michaels sends JBL in to take a tombstone post match.

Jericho asks Shane about the announcement and it’s that the winner tonight gets John Cena at Survivor Series.

The next Raw moment is Austin’s beer bath of the Rock.

Kung Fu(naki) and Hornswaggle dance. The Boogeyman dances next. Many more join. It was better just with Kung Fu(naki). Some legends show up. Ron Simmons shows up to add a “Damn” to one of the bigger pops of the night.

Next moment is Naitch’s retirement. They coincidentally play a song called “Leave the Memories alone.”

We go from this high to the low of Edge and Lita’s wedding being interrupted by Kane.

Match 8: Kane and Mark Henry with Tony Atlas vs. Rey Myterio and Kofi Kingston

So, they acknowledge Bourne’s injury and don’t make it sound like it’s his fault. That’s a plus. Kofi had nothing to do so he picks up Evan’s slack.

Essentially, the faces are squashed and Kofi loses to the World’s Strongest Slam.

Henry and Kane defeat Rey and Kofi (Pin, World’s Strongest Slam, dud)
The heels beatdown post match, but Khali saves and gets a nice face pop. This could work. A big silent badass of a face? It’s the best use for him thus far.

The tribute to the troops is what will likely be our final Raw moment.

Match 9: World Title Cage Match: Chris Jericho vs. Batista ©

This was really good. Batista had the physical superiority at the start and worked over Jericho, who, like against Punk, had the strategy of surviving any way possible to work the leg and slow his opponent. This really kicked into high gear when he slammed Batista’s leg into the cage. Batista, left at a huge disadvantage, started using his brain to cut off all of Jericho’s escape routes.

That route worked well for Batista until he was able to get his second wind. That lead to him nearly demolishing Jericho with power, but the knee weakness and some bad positioning allowed Jericho to almost escape once more. Jericho was caught and almost powerbombed from the top, but grabbed a steel bolt in an awesome spot, smacked the crap out of Batista with it, then climbed out to victory (stopping to kick Batista’s knee to get his final escape).

Jericho defeats Batista to become the new World Champion (Cage Escape, ****)
Great psychology and selling that built to some nice highspots. Impressive knee selling by Batista and a well put together match, ending a great Raw. That’s how you do an anniversary!

The Middle W
This isn’t a reference to our soon to be ex-President, but rather the Wrestling in World Wrestling Entertainment. Jim Cornette once said “Wrestling fans tune into a wrestling show to watch wrestlers wrestle.” For me, at the very least, this is certainly the case and I watch a ton of wrestling from all around the world. Each week I’ll be attempting to broaden WWE fans horizons with a review of a great match they might not have ever seen or even heard of.
From Big Andy Mac:

NWA Championship Match: Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat (c) vs. Tiger Mask 2 (Mitsuharu Misawa)

This is a forgotten gem from 1989 during Steamboat’s run with the NWA title and a byproduct of NWA’s relationship with All Japan Pro Wrestling. The most unique thing about this match is the fact that Steamboat is not the pure babyface for one of the only times in his career. This is a clinic in how to work. Misawa works a headlock for the first five or so minutes of the match and it never ceases to be exciting (watch and take notes Randles). Steamboat, seemingly pissed off from being put down by a headlock, goes berserk with strikes on the Tiger and we see an awesome strike exchange that was way ahead of its time for, hell even mainstream American wrestling today. They go all over the ring and to the outside where the Steamer eats a nasty piledriver, but somehow he gets the advantage back and hits a flying chop for two. Steamboat is shocked so he goes for a piledriver which gets reversed into a a pin which gets reversed again into a sunset flip pin and the win for Steamboat. The finish may seem a bit anti-climactic but these guys go all out for 20 minutes for one of those matches that was just way ahead of the curve for what people were doing and seeing in the late 80s. This is well worth going out of your way to find, and I will make you job that much easier click this link here. Don’t say ole Uncle Andy never did nothin’ for ya.

Winner: Ricky Steamboat via pinfall; ****