The SmarK 24/7 Rant for WWE Tribute to the Troops 2006

Never seen this one before and the matchlist looks interesting, so what the heck.

- Taped from Baghdad, Iraq

- Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jerry Lawler

John Cena v. Edge

Interesting that Edge’s music survives uncut here, as licensing issues with Alterbridge usually leave it muted or replaced by “You think that you know me…” in rebroadcasts and DVDs. Cena works a dramatic headlock to start and turns it into a chinlock. Edge slugs him down in the corner to escape and goes to his own headlock, but Cena takes him down with a hiptoss and an elbow for two. Blind charge misses and Edge hits him with a DDT to take over. He fires away in the corner and does a simple cocky heel act to keep it strictly good guy/bad guy, but Cena comes back with a suplex out of the corner for two. Edge clotheslines him down again and drops elbows on the neck, then slugs him down for two. Cena fires back from the apron and goes up, but Edge slugs him to the floor and baseball slides him into the railing, as we take a break. Back with Edge holding a bodyscissors, but Cena powers up and hits the flip neckbreaker for the double KO. Edge recovers first with a big boot for two, but goes to grab a chair and gets rolled up for two. Edge recovers and clotheslines Cena down again, then drops an elbow for two. Leg lariat gets two. Edge goes to a camel clutch, but Cena powers out of it and both guys are out again. They slug it out and Edge goes down, which allows Cena to make the comeback with his shoulderblocks and powerbomb. Five knuckle shuffle and F-U attempt, but Edge reverses to the Implant DDT for two. Edge goes up and Cena catches him with another try at the F-U, but Edge reverses that to the electric chair and sets up for the spear. That misses and the F-U finishes at 13:57. Started slow and simple, but as they adjusted to the heat and atmosphere it picked up and got pretty good for what it was. ***1/4

Shelton Benjamin v. CM Punk

Punk gets an armdrag and slugs away on Benjamin, who bails. Back in, Shelton goes for the arm and adds a shoulderbreaker, which JR translates as a hammerlock slam for some reason. He slugs Punk down for two and goes to the arm again with a top wristlock, but Punk fights back with the bulldog out of the corner for two. Punk goes up, but gets distracted by a passing helicopter and that allows Shelton to pop up with a superplex for two. Stinger splash misses, however, and Punk rolls him up for the pin at 4:33. Punk meant nothing much at this point. *1/2

Johnny Nitro v. Undertaker

Funny what a complete character makeover John Hennigan has gone through since then. Taker slugs away in the corner and goes old school. Last Ride, but Nitro escapes and hits an enzuigiri, then dropkicks him into the corner. Taker shrugs him off and gets a corner clothesline, then ends the squash with a chokeslam and a tombstone at 3:50. 1/2*

Bobby Lashley v. Hardcore Holly

Lashley gets a press slam and Holly backs off, then offers a test of strength before turning on him. Lashley pounds him into the corner, however, and follows with a suplex for two. Very delayed suplex gets two. Lashley stomps him down in the corner and Holly bails, but lures Bobby into a chase and sends him into the stairs as a result. Holly runs him into the corner to work on the arm and goes to an armbar, but Lashley fires back with a belly to belly suplex. He slugs away and clubs Holly down, then a torture rack gets two. Snap suplex gets two. Holly comes back with the Alabama Slam attempt, but Lashley rolls out of it and finishes with the running powerslam at 6:22. Pretty non-descript power match. **

Jeff Hardy v. Umaga

Umaga slugs him down to start, but Hardy fires back and dropkicks him for two. Dropkick puts Umaga on the floor and Jeff follows with a baseball slide, but tries a dive and gets caught and sent into the post. Back in, Umaga puts him down with a headbutt and boots him down, then goes to the nerve hold. Jeff slugs back, but walks into the samoan drop and Umaga goes up. Flying splash misses and Jeff slugs back, but can’t knock him down with clotheslines or dropkicks. Finally a Whisper in the Wind puts him down and gets two. Twist of Fate is blocked , but a second try hits, and he goes up. Swanton hits the knees and Umaga hits the running butt splash in the corner, and the Asiatic spike gives us our first heel win at 5:50. They’d have better matches, obviously, as this was largely a squash on Umaga’s part, with none of Hardy’s offense having any serious effect. *1/2

Randy Orton v. Carlito

Carlito slugs away on Orton and takes him down with an armdrag, but Orton puts him down for the Garvin Stomp. Sideslam gets two. Orton goes to his favorite chinlock, but Carlito powers out and clotheslines him for two. Back elbow gets two. Orton comes back with a backbreaker and tries the RKO, but Carlito blocks, so Orton rolls him up for two. He uses the ropes and gets caught, allowing Carlito to roll him up and use the tights for the pin at 5:04. Now there’s a result you’ll never see again. OK little match. **

Santa Claus joins us and has the girls give out swag to the troops, but Chris Masters interrupts for a Masterlock Challenge. Now there was an ongoing angle that ultimately went nowhere after months of buildup. Santa decides to take him up on it, but he goes down pretty quickly. Well his cardio always was suspect. With the spirit of Christmas offering him no challenge, he opts for a member of the military instead, picking on the smallest guy in the front row. It goes badly for the kid, but Santa unmasks as JBL and attacks Masters, breaking the hold, and he adds a Clothesline From The North Pole.

Eh, to be honest these shows hold little appeal for me because the wrestling is nothing special and it’s a different country’s military (plus it’s a little tiresome hearing the announcers endlessly harp on how they’re brave enough to go to the front line when no other celebrities will), but it’s a harmless enough use of two hours.