Been a while since I’ve done a LIVE-ish RAW recap thing, so why not do it now? Chances are due to my last final I won’t get a column in on time on Thursday, so enjoy this.

Oh, I also joined Twitter today at the request of the Pulse bosses, so you can follow me on the site here. I’ll be updating this thing A LOT over the next few months, so show your support for PulseWrestling and “follow” me. Wow, I sound like a cult leader (think more Raven and less Cyrus).

The show’s opening WWE Signature montage was tweaked with a new picture of Cena for some reason.

The show is actually opening with Orton/Shane. Odd since this was the “main event”. I like that they gave Randy a full PPV-style entrance. It might kill some time but at least it makes Orton seem like the “star” of the show.

Shane’s entrance is taking a while. Was he attacked in the back? Oh no, here he comes. He jumped Orton from behind. Ah, when did this become a hardcore match? I guess I didn’t pay attention to the endless promos that I normally fast forward through.

You know, a lot of people would gripe about Shane getting so much offense in the beginning of the match, but Shane beating the hell out of Orton does seem “real”. A psychotic guy out for revenge can do crazy things. By the way, Shane hit a hell of a dive off of the security railing. AND here comes Legacy! And here comes MVP with the save!

So this is why Shane/Orton went on first, so we could get the shmozz. My guess? MVP/Batista/Shane versus Legacy TONIGHT. Then again, MVP just got dumped out of the ring and Shane is getting walloped. Cue Big Dave (minus theme music). He lays out Legacy. Yay, Vickie time! Wow does she draw heat. She’s bitching about the main event being jeopardized. Gotta wonder why the GM would put the main event on first. Oh, our matches tonight are Batista/Teddy, Cody/MVP and whoever wins can legally join Shane or Orton in their match.

Commercial.

And here comes Cowboy Matt Hardy. Everyone and their mother has compared him to Owen and Bob Orton and D-Lo Brown, but let me point out that the “cast” helped all those guys break out HUGE. And here comes Kofi Kingston. This would be a good match if both guys were healthy, but a hurt Matt Hardy means we’ll get a glossed over bout. Whew, Matt’s cutting a promo, which will “lower expectations”. Heh, he filed a formal complaint. Matt’s cast might help get him over as a great cowardly heel more than almost killing his own brother.

Kofi Kingston seems to be a great guy when the company needs to spin its wheels. Kofi had a good match against Edge on Superstars and he looked great in MITB. Kingston truly is money in the bank for the WWE, because he’s a spot monkey that can pop the crowd like Mysterio, yet if they ever got serious pushing him he could produce some nice returns (too bad his promo work isn’t WWE-style).

This match is a whole lot of stalling, mainly due to the fact that Matt cannot work at all. Big props to Hardy for going out there. He’s not going to let his injury cost him his “spot”. How great would it be if Matt brought back his RNN Update?

Wow, I thought the match was gonna be over with the roll-up, but they popped up the lower third advertisements, and the match can’t end while the screen is still pimping WWE Magazine. Does anyone actually read WWE magazine? I don’t think I bought a copy since Ric Flair was WWE Champion.

This match is a great example of how to protect an injured superstar. Matt’s right hand has been well guarded, and he hasn’t been forced to take any bumps that would really hurt him. I’m kinda surprised they let Kingston work with Matt since he’s still relatively new and it would be safer to have Matt work with a veteran.

I’ll give these two this, they are giving them time. Trouble in Paradise hits and Matt…loses? That’s odd. I think it makes more sense for Matt Hardy to win since he’s got the great foreign object. I know Matt tried to use the cast and got knocked out, but he needs to be successful a few times to establish it.

Thankfully Matt used the cast after the match to lay out Kingston. I like the return of heel Lawler on commentary by the way. He’s been throwing subtle snarky comments, including the “Wow, that looks like it hurt…Matt’s hand.” So Matt gets pinned but at least he’s seen walking out as the “victor”. Eh, I’ll take it.

Commercial.

And we’re back with a Nougaplex…ugh. Wait, it’s Santino and Kelly Kelly. Santina and Kelly are teaming up on Superstars. Ok. Sadly Santina has the swine flu. Santino said Vickie is pig-like? I guess they made Santino face. Cue Chavo to defend the GM’s honor. Santino pulled off a great impersonation of Chavo’s entrance. Santino and his new earring do a pig noise, so yes folks, Santino is a face. That’s a shame because he’s such an entertaining heel.

Vickie met with Cena’s doctors to talk about Cena’s injuries. Does this mean they want to save Cena/Show or do they want to set up Cena/Show at Judgment Day with Cena overcoming odds? My guess is Cena has a terrible concussion and isn’t cleared by doctors and he fights Show and gets knocked out so that Show can say he “beat” Cena. Then we’ll get a rematch or something. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Live pretape with Vickie and Show now. Show wants to end Cena’s career, which is impossible since Cena can’t contractually appear on TNA. Vickie just revealed he has internal injuries, which means no concussion. And the match is ON for Judgment Day. Cena/Show…it’s like Wrestlemania XX but with less to gain.

The Bella Twins and MVP are backstage. Both girls ask MVP out. Remember when the Bella Twins were feuding with each other? Just because you go from Smackdown to RAW doesn’t mean you have to drop all your gimmicks. I wish one of the Bella twins would stay heel so that she could accompany The Miz.

Commercial.

Hmm…no entrance for Cody. That makes no sense. Why make him seem more marginalized. Regal on commentary, which means he’ll be feuding with MVP at Judgment Day. Regal calling out the fact that he’s not on the RAW Opening. Awesome! Sure, he stumbled over the words, but why not call a spade a spade? He even points out that Kennedy is on it and he hasn’t been cleared to wrestle.

So MVP has got his full-on face entrance down pat, but I miss the inflatable tunnel. Porter seems like a guy who is LOVING his push. Lord knows he has earned it. In his first year he was in all kinds of crazy matches (remember him getting lit on fire by Kane in the Inferno Match?) and then he was in that ridiculous losing streak. He deserves this.

Regal on commentary is always great. He’s demanding order and saying that MVP coming out and challenging the champion is ridiculous because Regal has been on the RAW for most of his career and he just doesn’t come out and challenge Orton. Regal AGAIN taking a shot at Miz. Odd considering Miz is supposed to be a future big time heel.

As the commentary team tries to deal with the inclusion of Regal, we get a shot of Shane watching the monitor. Cody is working the knee, so while under the tutelage of Orton he’s learning that rest holds equal main event pushes. The commentators are hyping the fact that this leg rest hold is a great decision because MVP hurt his knee. Alrighty then.

Regal is committing the cardinal sins on commentary; making sense and talking about wrestling. He’s talking about why each superstar is going through each move and he’s talking about how the storyline continuity is ludicrous. Michael Cole thankfully cuts off this entertaining commentary to “tell the story”. AND here’s Regal’s interference. Guess Regal/MVP just got booked. This means Regal will win the US Title so that MVP can become a main event guy. Count-out victory for Rhodes. Regal’s pocketwatch chain is badass.

Cody Rhodes and Orton versus Shane before Batista/Dibiase tonight.

Smackdown promo: An enraged Chris Jericho versus Jeff Hardy. I love Smackdown right now, it’s like the wild west. Anyone can be the main event guy with Taker injured. If our top guys are Punk, Edge, Jericho and (maybe) Hardy, no Internet Smark can complain.

Commercial.

We’re getting a Layla/Eve recap on RAW. Odd. Even odder is that Lawler is in the ring. Oh no, I smell a diva segment. Yep, we’re talking about Eve and Layla’s Brooklyn Breakdown. On RAW we’re getting a sing-off. The crowd immediately kills this. Brilliant. Oh good, Jillian Hall is on. Ugh. At least she’s getting a chance to be on TV. Her opponent? Festus. Ugh again. This is what we call “comedy”. Jillian is singing badly…get it? It’s funny and surprising because you think she’s gonna be good but she isn’t. That’s unexpected and fresh. Cue Festus, who is stoic (but rocking a sick bowtie). Why the hell are we watching this? Lawler is calling for the bell to be rung. Festus is freaking out and singing. This gets a pop. He’s singing “Tomorrow”. AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!! You can feel the ratings skyrocket. Have I mentioned its sweeps? Is the RAW Roster this thin that we need to waste an entire segment on a retarded guy and a talented but horse-like woman? How is this going to get anyone to buy Judgment Day? More importantly, how is this going to decrease the embarrassment people feel when they tell people they actually watch this crap? Oh, for the record Festus won.

AND here comes The Miz. Last week he cut a great promo challenging Cena and this week he’s fighting Festus? Festus is a talented as hell worker for his size, but he’s saddled with this gimmick. Miz tosses Festus out of the ring and is gonna cut another promo. WAY better than seeing him wrestle Festus. I’m shocked how well Miz is doing on his own. With Morrison going face (a stupid move), I guess Miz is going to take the douche bag ball and run with it. Miz calls out Cena again. I like it. I hope this goes somewhere and isn’t like when Santino called out Austin only to eat a Stunner. Miz calling out Cena makes sense. And here’s a shot of John Cena in the back. Cena is WALKING on the Jumbotron and…we go to commercial?

Guess it’s a long walk.

ECW Promo during the commercial break hyping the ECW Champ Christian. Wow, a Christian-centric promo. Nice.

Miz is still ripping the crowd. Why do they boo him? “Because I’m awesome and Cena hasn’t come out.” He’s even dropping the Seth & Amy “Really”. Ah, cultural relevance. Did Cena get lost like Chris Jericho on Nitro? Miz takes a shot at Cena’s movie career. Miz then calls a spade a spade and says that Cena was built by the WWE Machine for the kids and their cougar moms. Miz is justifying his challenge by saying he’s calling out the best. This is great. Miz almost seems like a legit threat. So it’s Miz 2, Cena 0. Wait, here comes Cena’s music. Oh how I wish this would be a midget. Instead it’s the zombie version of Cena. He’s walking really really super slow. Why would an injured man show up on RAW if he can’t compete? Why would he be in his “gear” if he’s not cleared to compete? Why am I still looking for logic in an episode of RAW? And Cena is hobbling into the ring. Cue Big Show. Well, this odd amalgam of segments continues. What started as a sing-off has turned into a Cena/Show hype piece. Odd that the Big Show chyron was on the screen. Why would it be cued up if his coming out was a surprise? And where the hell did the Miz go? He vanished like a villain in Mario Brothers.

Now we get a Cena/Big Show stare-down that never seems to end. I guess this is a “moment”. This is just a waste of valuable time. And FINALLY Big Show kicks Cena in the injured ribs. He has those damn vague internal injuries. You’d think Vince would hire a good doctor to give a proper diagnosis. Maybe steroids would cure those pesky internal injuries, which would help the wellness policy a lot. Big Show is very slowly walloping Cena, and yet the Miz is still nowhere in sight. Big Show is choking out Cena, strangling the life out of him just like this segment strangled the life out of this show. So Show has choked him out. Where is the security? Who will stop the madness? Oh the humanity! AND…THIS…SEGMENT…IS…STILL…GOING…ON…

Finally, a graphic for tonight’s main event.

Superstars promo: Cutting Edge with Jeff Hardy.

Jared the Subway Guy is in the ring. Yes, you read that right. Jared, the Subway Guy. He’s introducing Mickie James, who is sporting a jaunty hat. Her opponent is Maryse. Ah, two hot chicks going at it. What could ruin that? Oh yeah, Jared the Subway Guy. Maryse makes the most of her sexiness, something a lot of the other Divas don’t seem to do. In an odd bit of continuity, the WWE acknowledged the time Maryse invaded RAW, and that her invasion is the reason the RAW Divas hate her. Nice touch by Maryse to shout “What’s wrong with you” when Mickie wouldn’t quit. Mickie hits the DDT and scores the pin. Mickie/Maryse at Judgment Day? Will we see a Divas Title match on a PPV card?

Commercials.

Ted DiBiase is already in the ring. Wow, no entrance for either Legacy member tonight. That sucks for them. And here’s Batista. He’s an animal after all. The match is so far the standard “Dave beats up ____”. The crowd is pretty quiet for this match, which is a bad sign when you consider Batista is carrying the next WWE PPV. Batista has to win this match, so that we get a tag-team main event. Then Dave can pin Cody Rhodes will Orton looks on. On the other hand, Legacy v. Shane would eliminate the final McMahon from TV for a while, leaving Batista and MVP alone to face the evil stable. Wow, look how quickly MVP elevated himself to the main event on RAW. Who knew the WWE could still create a main event guy? Dave just got DQed for choking out Ted, which means 3-on-1, which means bye bye Shane. OR, is tonight the night we get the heel turn? Either way, your #1 Contender just lost to a lackey who didn’t get an entrance. Remember the old “Superstars” rule that whoever didn’t get an entrance would lose? Guess tonight’s RAW is throwing that rule out the window.

Commercials.

Chavo is now backstage with Vickie. Wasn’t he going there “right now”. Chavo is now giving an overly elaborate recap of the prior matches for some reason and he’s embracing his role as Vickie’s confidant, which is a great thing. Chavo has just booked some stipulations in which MVP would lose his US Title and Batista his shot at the WWE Title if they interfere.

And here comes The Brian Kendrick. His dancing has gone less cocky and more Age of Aquarius. On the plus side, he’s getting an entrance. Michael Cole just said TBK had an impressive debut last week…but I remind you that he lost. And here come the intolerable Colons. Carlito used to be more entertaining. At least tonight isn’t Primo. I loathe Primo. Not quite the level I hate Ricky Ortiz, but close. Kendrick is at least getting some offense here, which is good. Maybe the front office has some faith in Kendrick? Well, he just blew Sliced Bread #2 and got the Backstabber, so no…no they don’t. Carlito gets the win. Quick match, but at least Kendrick is looking like a more formidable jobber. Oh good, Cole just said Carlito was impressive since being drafted. It doesn’t take a lot to impress Michael Cole.

Smackdown Rebound brought to you by WWE Mobile, a service I’m shocked still exists. This video package looks fairly dramatic, which is good. Add some gravitas to Smackdown. As I said before, wild west Smackdown is great. If Punk can capitalize, he will be the #1 star on Smackdown. No Taker and no main event face throws the door wide open. My fear is that the WWE will knee-jerk and turn Edge face to feud with Jericho, which would kill one of the best heels in the business. I will give the WWE credit for putting Jeff over. While I don’t fully buy the contract speculation rumors, I know they’re out there. That means that if they’re true then Jeff won’t win the belt. If he is indeed on his way out, why not have him put over Edge? Too bad Kurt’s too far away from coming back (and way too crazy to put on WWE television).

We get Legacy in their locker-room “talking strategy.”

And we get an MVP on “The View” review. I’m glad they let Dolph Zigler get a chance to be a part of a “big” storyline considering how new he is. The initiative for the WWE should be pushing “new” and “different”, and having Dolph be in that “View” match does just that. The “View” segment leads to a replay of MVP losing earlier in the night thanks to Regal.

Dave is apologizing to Shane in the back. So Batista cost Hunter the title and now its his fault that Shane is going out there three-on-one…will we finally get a Batista heel turn maybe?

Well, Legacy gets a full entrance fina…wait, they’re interrupting the entrance to bring you a video package of Orton taking out Hunter.

And we’re back from the video package in time for a Commercial.

Another ECW Promo as we learn tomorrow night we’ll see Christian/Henry.

Legacy is still standing in the ring waiting for Shane McMahon to come out and face his…destiny? Cody, Ted and Randy are standing in the ring in size order. And yet again, here comes the money. Shane, in his custom jersey, is on his way to the ring. If this ends with them embracing, I’ll be happy. If this ends with Legacy destroying Shane, I’ll be happy. If this ends with nothing of any significance happening, I’ll be annoyed.

Well, Shane’s throwing fists, so I guess tonight’s ending with him getting kicked in the head. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense that Batista will turn heel. Since his return, he really hasn’t done too much to Orton or Legacy. In fact, his return brought about the destruction of Hunter and now it looks like the destruction of Shane.

Shane has gotten most of the offense so far in the match, and is now going to the top rope to take out Teddy. This match has been slow and plodding. I think Legacy is feeling the effects of working matches earlier tonight, because this thing is going in slow motion (kinda like that Big Show segment). Shane went for a chair and Orton jumped Shane. And now Randy’s tagged in and it’s past 11, so I hope the end is getting nearer and nearer.

Wow, Cody went for a really impressive moonsault. It didn’t hit but it looked good. Almost Kurt-ish. Sadly it is 11:03 and this thing is still going on. Its time to end this match, folks. There is no way a lone 40-year-old guy can stay viable this long against Legacy. I know I said earlier that Shane could have credible offense in a street fight. That’s not what’s happening here. Shane is single-handedly attacking Legacy as if he was John Cena. What’s the point? Is Shane going to make the WWE any money? Well, Shane is now taking apart the announce table. I hope they just put him through it and get some credibility back, because right now the message we’re getting is that the “deadliest force” in the WWE is being dismantled by the President of New Media. Maybe on Smackdown they can have Kevin Dunn beat Khali. Shane goes for the elbow and misses (by a mile) and goes through the table. Shane looks like he’s dead. Someone show this kid what’s in his ATM and ask why he feels the need to try and kill himself.

Legacy has Shane’s leg set up on the steel steps and Randy is looking to break his leg. They are dragging this out…and they do it! Sadly Shane isn’t selling the injury enough. He should be screaming in more intense pain. Randy ordered Priceless to “follow his lead” and now he’s going to crush his foot with the chair on another ringstep. Wait, now Randy’s grabbing the discarded top ringstep and is going to drive it down onto Shane’s ankle. Shane’s halfhearted “no’s!” are pretty lame. Randy missed by a mile and the camera still caught it. Whoops. That’s a rare gaffe. And this, yet again, is still going on. Well that dragged on for far too long. We get a recap of Shane missing the elbow and we finally get a better shot of Randy breaking Shane’s ankle. I can’t believe they showed the wrong shot. Seriously?! Batista just ran out to console Shane and is doing the “Shake harder boy” from “The Simpsons.” Shane is way too nonchalant about his leg being broken. Randy just told Batista that his judgment day is coming. Like the name of the show. Get it? This show is about as subtle as a steel ringstep to the knee…assuming it actually hits and doesn’t miss by a mile and get exposed by a terrible camera angle.

And that’s the show. See you guys on Thursday…I hope.

Tags: batista, Cena, divas, Festus, Legacy, randy orton, Raw, Shane McMahon, the brian kendrick, triple h, twitter, WWE