From the UK “Retro”: WWE Unforgiven 2005
by Michael Fitzgerald on July 2, 2009

Hey guys. As you can tell by the fact I’m doing ANOTHER repost, I’ve not got round to posting Smackdown this week. Unfourtuneatly, I just haven’t had the time during the weekends to get the reports up in time so I’ve sadly had to step down as Smackdown Recapper for the forseeable future. However, I do intend to keep posting reviews on the site, just during the middle of the week.

Anyhoo, I’ll repost this “classic” review I did from a few years ago that includes such golden nuggets as me saying that Chris Masters might one day be a good worker. Sure right about that one wasn’t I?

We are in Oklahoma
JR, King and Coach are hosting (Who were you expecting?)

Heat match
Rob Conway Vs Tajiri
I like Conway’s music is pretty catchy and I’m not ashamed to admit it I was humming it earlier. Tajiri is still employed? Man I haven’t seen him in ages. Headlock to start and Conway gets a shoulder block and removes the shades. Tajiri spits the mist in the air, um Tajiri not that I have any right to say it but shouldn’t you spit that stuff somewhere productive like HIS FACE? Conway mud hole stomps Tajiri. Conway gets a nice lariat for two. Conway postures to heel heat. Into the chin lock. Tajiri gets a kick and a bulldog, he gets the handspring elbow and it’s Tarantula time. Tajiri goes up top but takes a boot to the gut and takes a modified last rites and that’s the finish @ 4 minutes 33

WINNER – ROB CONWAY

¼*

IC Title
(C) Carlito the angry Caribbean Vs Ric Fucking Flair
Carlito is in a bad mood tonight, wouldn’t you be if Ric Flair grabbed your cock and tried to pull it off? Flair should go back to blue tights and boots it looks better. Flair struts to start and goes to a side headlock take over. Stand off leads to a hammerlock Carlito knocks Flair down and does the Puerto Rico strut. They stall for a while but Carlito cheap shots and walks into a LOUD chop. WOOOOO. Carlito crawls outside, he comes in and bags Flair into a corner and pounds away on Flair. Flair goes to the eyes and UNLOADS with some chops but takes a clothesline. Flair gets an inverted atomic drop and goes for the Figure 4 but gets kicked to the outside. Carlito sends Flair shoulder first into the ring post and then the steps as Coach teases JR about how much the Sooners suck and JR says they will not die. Carlito goes to the arm bar inside and the crowd is really behind Flair. Flair gets some chops but Carlito knocks him down and hammers away with some mount punching. Back drop gets two for Carlito. Arm Bar Takedown gets two for Carlito and he goes back to the arm bar. Flair mounts a comeback and gets an elbow off the ropes and the knee drop. God some of these chops are in Kobashi territory. FLAIR COMES OFF THE TOP ROPE and gets a standing ovation. Coach gets a bad feeling as Flair goes up again but this time he gets dropkicked in the face for two. Carlito goes out to get the apple but gets punched in the face and Flair gets the Figure 4 to win the title!

WINNER – RIC FLAIR

** – Heat for this was amazing. Afterwards Flair gives a promo saying how important the IC Title is, putting it over big, and dedicates the win to HHH. After that Flair picks out some lucky women from the crowd to ride Space Mountain.

Meanwhile, Carlito is PISSED and blows Todd off, no not THAT way you dirty minded perverts

Backstage Edge and Lita have EVIL promo time and reminisce about fucking Matt over. Man Lita is doing an awesome job with this evil slut gimmick. Kudos to her for actually being useful for once in her 5 year stint with this company.

The Mean Bitches w/ Candice Michugly Vs Ashley and Trish Stratus
I don’t get this thing with Candice, I don’t think she’s that hot and personally I thought Joy was nicer and why out of all the divas did they pick HER to do Playboy? I mean Victoria had this great hot psycho look going and she’s looked over again. I’m so blinded by my rage that I shall write this rant in Clueless speak. Ashley looks like soooo skanky. The girls are like all “We can so kick your ass” and Trish is like “Well fight me Torrie” But Torrie is like “Duh” and tags in Victoria who puts Trish in a headlock. Trish gets a head scissors and Thez Presses Victoria and gets some chops. Ashley comes in and is like “I’m such a rocker chick and I’m going to like hurt you” Ashley does some rolls instead of wrestling and is thrown out where Candice chokes her and is like “I should so date the captain of the football team” Victoria chin locks Ashley and comforts her on her mutual break up with Sean which was totally mutual. Torrie comes in and gets some stomps and is like “This is so like totally easy” Ashley tries to fight back but Victoria is like all “Sooooo stop trying honey” into another headlock because otherwise Ashley would be blowing spots as well as Candice’s boyfriend. Victoria goes up and is like “I’m SUCH a dark entity” But Ashley is like “Whatever” and crotches her and makes the hot tag. Trish destroys the heels and gets a Spine Buster but Candice distracts the ref so Trish is all like “Shut…Up” and sends her outside. Trish gets a chick kick on Victoria to win.

WINNERS – TRISH AND HER ROCKER CLONE

This match gets no rating for sucking. Afterwards the Mean girls are all like “This totally blows” Candice says “You know what this calls for?” Torrie is like “Totally!” They look at each other and shout “SLEEP OVER!” Victoria rolls her eyes “Come on Victoria we can totally pig out, you bring the ice cream and we’ll bring Dirty Dancing”

Backstage we go where Ric Flair brings his 4 lovely ladies to his limo but not before taking some medication. What a guy! He makes sure to take an extra dose I mean there are FOUR of them.

Lillian says ZZ Top are at ringside. I hope they play Sharp Dressed Man and Gedo comes out but instead Big Show comes out

Big Show Vs Snitsky
Snitsky can’t even get X-Pac heat these days, just pure apathy. Show tosses Snitsky around for a while and beats him down with his usual moves. Snitsky tries to take a walk but Show pulls him back to carry on the beating. Snitsky actually shows psychology by going to Shows arm after sending it into the ring post. He stays on the arm and Show can’t Choke Slam him because of it. Snitsky gets a scary looking back suplex that looks like it breaks Shows neck but it only gets two. Show mounts a comeback but gets Big Booted for two. Fans get behind Big Show as Snitsky goes back to the arm. Both men go down and show gets a kip up?!?! He then Choke Slams him for the win

WINNER – BIG SHOW

*1/4 – Show destroys Snitsky afterwards to good face heat. I think Show may have earned himself a big push after some of his crowd reactions recently. I mean in the 8 man next night on Raw the fans were eating his stuff out of a spoon. If it keeps with this intensity he might find his way back into Main Events with the fans actually caring about him.

Back to the limo and smoke is coming from it. WTF?

Chavo Guerrero Vs Shelton Benjamin
I won’t use the other name. Shelton attacks Chavo to start and hammers away in ring and rips off Chavo’s nice polyester shirt. Shelton destroys Chavo but takes a dropkick to the knee and hammers away but takes a flapjack for two. Shelton misses a knee in the corner and Chavo works it over with some nice stuff getting some heel heat. Fans chant “Chavo Sucks” so Chavo yells “It’s Kerwin” they listen in on the Spanish guys for some reason as Chavo goes to a Stretch Muffler. Awesome head scissors from Chavo. Chavo stays on the knee but Shelton lands on his feet from a Money Flip (and sells the knee) and gets a Samoan Drop. Slugfest won by Shelton and an inverted backbreaker gets two. Shelton gets a back body drop and a back suplex. Shelton goes up but gets stopped and lands knee first on the top. Chavo gets a superplex for two. Chavo goes to the Half Boston Crab but Shelton powers out into a slingshot to the top turnbuckle. Chavo goes to hit Shelton with a club but walks into a T-Bone and that’s all

WINNER – SHELTON

** – Good match which I liked much better the second time I saw it.

Matt Hardy cuts a good promo. Apparently Lita is a bitch and Edge won’t walk out of the cage.

Cage Match
Edge w/ Super Ho Vs Matt Hardy
Stand off to start and it’s right into the brawling. They share some punches and both try to use the cage. Matt gets some big rights and they sound nasty. Edge makes a quick break for it but Matt pulls him back and gets a double sledge. Edge makes for the door but Matt drags him back. Matt holds onto a headlock tenaciously. Edge eye rakes his way out and slugs away on Matt. Edge climbs up but Matt pulls him down and gets a lariat for two. I like the story here as Matt wants to get the win by pin while Edge just wants to get out and end it. Matt gets a lariat from the second rope and calls for a Twist of Fate but eats cage. Edge makes his way up but Matt stops him from escaping. Matt goes for the Side Effect of the cage but Edge rams him into the cage and goes for a missile dropkick but misses Matt and just clips him. Edge targets the neck of Matt with some back suplexes. He mocks Matt’s V ONEAHHHH sign. Edge pounds away on Matt and rips away at his face. Edge gets the face wash as Matt does the whole “Damn I’m mighty hurt” face. Edge gets two from a DDT and gets some mount punches. Edge Powerbombs Matt into the cage as the fans get behind Matt. Edge does it again into the turnbuckle. Oooo that one was nasty. Edge keeps the beating going as it looks like they might do the whole Summer Slam thing again but thankfully they don’t. Matt fights out of a super backdrop but gets Powerbombed off the top rope. Cover only gets two. Fans are completely behind Matt here as he holds Edge back from making the door. Matt sends Edge into the top turnbuckle during 10 punching. Matt gets the Side Effect for two. They should really promote that as his secondary finisher instead of the transition move it is now. Edge makes a break for the door and gets handed the briefcase but Matt UNLOADS with some punches as the fans go NUTS. Matt sends Edge into the cage and gets a bulldog on the briefcase. Matt sends Edge into the cage some more. Lita provides a distraction but Edge is bleeding and Matt works the cut and boots Edge in the face in a cruel twist of irony. Edge has a great blade job going here. Matt goes up top with the briefcase but Edge pushes the ref into the ropes to knock him down and spears him. Edge tries to escape but Matt stops him and Side Effects him from the top rope but Lita breaks the count at 2. Edge tries to make the door but Matt pulls him back. Lita tries to use the briefcase but Matt stops her and FINALLY gives her, her comeuppance with a Twist of Fate. Edge gets a Spear for two as the fans are going crazy. Matt knocks Edge off the cage and goes to the top for a beautiful Leg Drop that hits Edge perfectly for the three count.

WINNER – MATT HARDY

****1/4 – MOTYC. Awesome drama and WWE did the right thing by letting the face win one

Meanwhile Johnny C and Easy E have a little pow wow.

World Tag Titles
(C) The Superheroes Vs Cade and Murdoch
I can’t believe they let Cade lift “Know what I mean?” From Waylon Mercy. I have a friend who’s a big mark for Mercy and he’d be appalled. Cade and Hurricane start and Cade takes over but misses an elbow and gets some arm drags. In comes Murdoch and he gets head scissored and rolls outside where Cade calms him down. Hurricane gets a nice missile dropkick and tags in Rosey who gets a head butt on Murdoch for two. I can see Rosey getting a Rikishi style push in the future. Rosey gets worked over as Murdoch flirts with Lillian. Hurricane saves but gets DDT’ed off the apron on the floor. OUCH that earned this match 1 extra star. Rosey mounts a comeback but misses Cade on a corner charge. Meanwhile Hurricane is getting taken away by medical people. He sees Rosey is in trouble and tags in and has a hot flurry of offence but gets lariated by Murdoch and we have new champs

WINNER – CADE AND MURDOCH

*1/2 – Decent tag match but the heel beat down on Rosey went on for too long in my opinion.

More antics with the limo

Over to Maria who asks Chris Masters why he’s called “Masterbate” I preferred it when she was unintentionally stupid.

Chris Masters Vs Shawn Michaels
I think they’ve done a good job with Masters and in a couple of years I’m pretty sure he’ll be a very decent worker. All he needs is polish and one way to help is to put him with the best worker in the world right now in my opinion Shawn Michaels. Masters jumps Michaels before the bell and Master Locks him. Finally the ref rings the bell and Masters goes for the move again but Michaels counters it and punches and chops away at Masters. Shawn fires off some energetic offence and sends Masters outside and follows with a vaulting press. The guys go on about passing the torch and JR goes on a surreal rant about how young guys talk about it like passing biscuits and scoffs about the glass ceiling under his breath. Meanwhile, Masters takes the steps outside. Michaels gets some more chops in and grabs a chair but the ref stops him and Masters sends Michaels into the guardrail. Masters Powerbombs Michaels a couple of times into the ring post. Back inside Masters works the back. Leg drop gets two for Masters. Nice hanging vertical suplex from Masters gets two. Shawn’s selling of the back is brilliant here. Shawn tries to fight back but gets back body dropped. Masters gets a good looking tilt a whirl and poses before getting a two count. Fans get behind Shawn as Masters puts him in a back breaker. Shawn fights out of it with right hands. Shawn fights up to a vertical base and goes for a crucifix but Masters turns that into a Master Lock attempt but Shawn fights out of that. Shawn takes a Shawn Flip and Masters goes to a Torture Rack as the commentators try not to mention Lex Luger. I say bring in Luger for a one show deal and have him put Masters over. Shawn gets a sunset flip out of the Rack for two. Masters gets military press but can barely get Shawn up. Masters goes for the Master Lock but Shawn uses the ref to stop him and gets a low blow. Slugfest is won by Shawn and he gets the running forearm as “lets play Lex Luger’s Finishers” continues. Shawn gets the elbow and it’s TIME TO TUNE UP THE BAND!!! Masters dodges the Super Kick and locks in The Master Lock to a big pop which shows what a good job WWE have done in making the fans fear the move. The fans get behind Shawn and he makes the apron and the crowd pops for that. Still no one has broken the hold. Shawn drops Masters throat across the top rope. The fans are really into this now and very pro Shawn. Masters catches Michaels in a cross body but Shawn wriggles out and its Sweet Chin Music time

WINNER – SHAWN MICHAELS

*** – That match will make Masters as the fans were into it and the fans actually fear the Master Lock to the point of buying it as a finisher. He really needs to beat a big name with it though or a physically big guy like Big Show to really get it over

Back to Flair’s limo as all the women leave looking very satisfied. Flair comes out and Flair flops on the concrete. Ouch that had to hurt.

WWE Title
(C) John Cena Vs Kurt Angle
Let’s see if Kurt can carry Cena again seeing as he’s made a career of doing it in the past. Cena has a walking target in his ankle. Angle goes to the headlock and they work from that. Cena gets a hip toss and Angle rolls outside. Angle goes to the arm and tries a fujiwara. Cena actually holds his own here in the wrestling sequence, he used to be a technical guy you know? Cena gets a couple of shoulder blocks and Angle bails. Angle gets some uppercuts and some right hands in the corner. Cena gets a boot up and a body slam followed by an elbow for two. Side Slam gets two for Cena. Angle gets a German Suplex but both men are down. Angle goes to work on Cena with some mud hole stomping. Snap Suplex gets two for Angle. Into the chin lock and some cross face punching. Cena gets a sunset flip for two and some rights but Angle gets an overhead belly to belly. Angle goes to Brock Lesnars old ground bear hug and gets a German for a two. Angle goes to Rhino’s rest hold of choice the body scissors. Coach and JR have some banter while Cena DDT’s Angle to break the hold. Slugfest is one by Cena and he gets some clotheslines and a flying shoulder block. Nice Fisherman’s Suplex without a bridge gets two for Cena. Cena goes for the FU but Angle reverses to the ankle lock but Cena kicks him off and gets a Spine Buster on Angle for two. Angle gets the Angle Slam for two. Angle goes to the ankle lock but Cena kicks him off again. Proto Plex leads to the 5 knuckle shuffle for two. At least that isn’t his finish. The ref gets bumped an Cena gets an FU but there’s no ref. Angle gets a blatant low blow and takes his Gold Medal and uses it as a weapon. Well he won it so he might as well use it. Angle targets the ankle and it’s ankle lock time as Bischoff comes out. Bischoff taunts Cena as he’s in the move even kicking his hand off the ropes. Cena finally reverses it and drills Angle with the title belt for a DQ

WINNER – KURT ANGLE BY DQ

***1/4 – What a weak ending! Afterwards Eric tries to award the title to Cena but gets an FU for his trouble. Cena and Angle then brawl some more and Angle takes an FU through the Spanish table to send the fans home happy.

Well this was a fun show and I enjoyed it. It had better main matches than Summer Slam and that cage match was awesome.



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