The Way Too Long Review of WWE No Way Out 2009
by Charlie Reneke on July 31, 2009

My 2009 Pay Per View run continues with No Way Out, a show that I actually attended live.  I felt bad after skipping No Mercy 2008 in Portland, OR because the weather conditions were shitty and I had nobody to travel with.  As luck would have it, the WWE didn’t wait too long before coming back to the Northwest.  Only four months, in fact.

February 15, 2009 from Seattle, WA.  Super Sonic free since 2008.

Match #1: WWE Championship: Elimination Chamber Match
(c) Edge vs. The Undertaker vs. Triple H vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Vladimir Kozlov, Big Show

The WWE is already planning a “Complete Elimination Chamber” DVD set.  Fuck that, says I.  I’m actually not a big fan of the gimmick.  I’m a firm believer that less is more in wrestling and although the Chamber is neat looking, it hasn’t proven to be very effective at creating great matches.  There have been a few good ones, my personal favorite being the one from New Year’s Revolution 2006.  But nothing spectacular has come from it yet.  Like most shows I attended live, I’m blanking on the details of all the matches here.  I didn’t even remember the participants for this one until I read the case, which tells me this might not be so good.

Jeff Hardy starts with Edge.  Jeff quickly hits a flying forearm and some clotheslines, but eats a big boot off a whip.  Edge gathers his wits and covers for two.  Crossbody done like a head of steam by Edge gets two.  Shoot to the corner where Jeff gets a head scissors.  Atomic drop, legdrop between the legs, and a dropkick to the face.  Twist of Fate doesn’t work, Edge for the implant DDT, but Jeff gets the Twist of Fate.  He climbs and goes for the swanton, but misses.  Edge goes for the spear but Jeff catches it and with a small package… for the pin??

Let me say that again…

FOR THE PIN~!!

Much better.  Huge pop by the fans.  And it was at this moment that I turned to my friend and said “Guess who’s winning the main event?”  Some guy behind me says “John Cena.”  I said “No, Edge.”  He tells me I’m an idiot.  I placed a wager of $20 on it.  He agrees, and this older woman sitting near us agrees to hold the money.  This fucking asshole spends the rest of the show talking about what he’s going to do with the $20 he took off me.  Stay tuned for the conclusion.  It’s time for the next entry.  It’s Vladimir Kozlov.  He quickly kicks Hardy in the face and slings him to the corner.  Shoulderblocks and kicks.  Jeff gets a knee up, then dropkicks him in the knees.  Jeff springs at him but eats the shitty battering ram.  Kozlov needs a better signature move then that.  Kozlov throws Hardy into the chains a few time, then picks him up and slams him into it.  He then casually tosses Jeff back into the ring with a fall-away slam.  Mounted punches, then he fucks up a power spot where he’s trying to drop Hardy onto the turnbuckle.  It looks weak, like he’s lying him down for it.  Another fall-away slam gets two.  Back breaker gets two.  Waistlock into a bearhug by Kozlov, and Jeff tries to fight back but gets rammed down.  Elbowdrop hits, then he picks Jeff up for a powerslam, but Hardy wiggles out and dropkicks him into the corner.  Momentum kick by Jeff gets two.  Whisper in the Wind, but it’s time for another entry.

It’s Big Show, and now Jeff is really fucked.  Show ignores Kozlov and slings Hardy around instead.  Casual step-on by Show, then a headbutt that sends Hardy into Kozlov for some trapping headbutts.  Punch to the gut by Show and now the pace here is practically snail-like.  Show and Kozlov have a bit of a stare down, keeping a respectable distance on each other, but continue to take turns seeing who can hurt Jeff the most.  Show slams Hardy, so Kozlov follows it up with a shitty slam.  Fans just give both guys holy hell, but it wasn’t really positive heel heat.  Jeff tries to fight back but eats a headbutt from Show.  Elbowdrop by Kozlov, then the peck slap by Show.  To the corner for more peck slapping by Show, but Kozlov has found is chance to attack Big Show and hit the battering ram on him.  Show over powers Vladimir on a lockup, and they end up slugging it out.  Show goes for a suplex, but Kozlov fights out of it.  To the corner for more brawling, but it’s time for another entry…

Triple H, who goes for Show.  Face buster to him, high knee to Kozlov, and punches to Show.  Big Show misses a charge in the corner and eats a spinebuster.  Jeff is up and goes for the twist of fate on Trips but gets clotheslined.  Kozlov gets low-bridged on a charge and lands on the steel flooring.  Kozlov goes for a charge but hits the steel post of the chamber.  KICK WHAM PEDIGREE~! to Kozlov on the steel is stopped by Show, who peck slaps him over the ropes and to the floor.  Four way brawl in the ring with Show hitting a sidewalk slam on Trips for two.  Kozlov holds a long foot-choke on Hardy and drops and elbow.  Show brawls Trips in the corner.  Everything is too punchy-kicky right now and they don’t have a real flow of moves going.  Random brawling until Show goes for the chokeslam.  Trips fights out of it but gets press-slammed.  Show tosses Trips into the cage.  We miss Jeff somehow fighting off Kozlov.  Hardy goes for Show but gets caught and slammed into Triple H.  Show tries to splash of them against the chains but misses and kills himself to a surprisingly big pop for a relatively simple move.  Hardy and Trips double suplex Kozlov, then Hardy hits the whisper in the wind on Trips.

Undertaker enters the match and the fans go nuts.  Piston-punches to Show, then punches to Kozlov.  Snake eyes and the running boot, which Kozlov sells perfectly, taking the bump at a high angle like a champ.  See, he’s not totally worthless.  Taker goes to chokeslam both Trips and Hardy, but Show stops him, presumably because he’s stupid.  Why not wait to attack until after the move is hit?  Rope walk attempt to Triple H, but Taker lets that go and dives off the ropes at Show, giving him a DDT on the steel flooring.  Ropewalk to Trips hits, then Hardy eats a big boot.  Kozlov fights back with the battering ram and his incredibly shitty shoulder blocks.  I think Kozlov really could be quite good if someone can help him change his moveset up a bit.  What he’s doing right now just isn’t working, but I hardly think he’s a lost cause.  Kozlov goes for a ten punch on Undertaker, which is about the as dumb as trying to powerbomb Kidman or punch Hogan when he starts hulking up.  He eats the wedgie bomb and pinned to be eliminated to a big pop.  Undertaker gets up and eats the Big Show’s chokeslam.  Trips goes for the KICK WHAM PEDIGREE~! on Show but gets backdropped onto the steel.  Show then tosses Hardy into Trips.  Show tosses Trips into the cage, then tosses Hardy into it as well, but Hardy catches the cage and climbs.  He gets on top of one of the pops but Show reaches through and crotches him.  Show climbs to fights but Undertaker catches him and superplexes him off.  KICK WHAM PEDIGREE~! to Show from Trips, and then Jeff hits the swanton bomb off the top of the pod to help Trips score the pin on Show.  Weird booking as all the heels are already out.  Hardy goes for the whisper in the wind to Taker but misses.  Triple H and Taker slug it out, but Trips ends up getting tossed onto the steel flooring.  Taker loads Hardy up for the rope walk, but Trips crotches him on the ropes for a three-way knock out.  Taker gets on all fours, which gives Hardy a chance to hit the poetry in motion over the ropes and into Trips on the steel.  Hardy is quite proud of himself, but Taker snatches him up and tombstones him for the pin.  Good sequence.  It’s down to Taker and Trips, and the fans buzz just at the stare down.  Taker starts it out by slugging it out in the corner.  Trips begs off but it doesn’t help.  Taker goes for a running big boot in the corner but misses and crotches himself in sick fashion.  Ram into the chains by Trips, who then climbs but gets caught with a chokeslam for two.  Fans totally bought that as the finish.  Taker was clearly the fan favorite for this one.  Whip to the corner and Taker gets the snake eyes but gets caught on the running big boot and eats the spinebuster for two.  Taker drags Trips to the steel, then fights off a comeback and tosses him into the cage.  Taker loads up the tombstone, then both guys flip over the rope with Taker still holding onto the tombstone.  He hits it… for two as Trips gets a foot on the ropes.  In a match with no rules, where you don’t even have to be physically inside the ring to get a pinfall, why on earth does a rope break matter?  It gets better, as it turns out that the Tombstone was the WORST MOVE EVER~! because Triple H is instantly recovered enough to hit the KICK WHAM PEDIGREE~!!… for two.  I’m thinking this will turn out to be the worst move ever as well, but it’s not as both guys are injured now and slowly slug it out.  Trips goes for a ten punch (remember, the worst move ever causes brain damage and thus you do stupid things), which leads to Taker going for the wedgie bomb, but Taker flips out of it and hits the KICK WHAM PEDIGREE~! and thus wins the match and his 13th Championship.
***1/2 Good start with Jeff and Edge, horrible sequence with Kozlov and Show, then peppy final three.  If not for Show and Kozlov, this might have been the best chamber match, but they were in it and thus it was not.

Side note: The quick pinfall by Jeff Hardy on Edge?  That was originally Paul Heyman’s idea for eliminating the Big Show during the infamously bad December to Dismember chamber match.  Both Heyman and Big Show wanted CM Punk to eliminate him quickly at the start of the match, but Vince McMahon insisted otherwise and the fall out from it led to Heyman leaving the company.  A few years later and Heyman ended up being proved right, as they use the same spot with Edge as Big Show and Hardy as Punk and it gets over like Jesus.  Score one for the balding fatass.

-Meanwhile, Edge bitches to Vickie Guerrero about his quick loss and asks to have the match restarted.  She says that it was his fault because he lost, then quickly apologizes.

Match #2: No Holds Barred
Randy Orton vs. Shane McMahon

$10 says Orton’s diagnosis of Intermittent Explosive Disorder wasn’t a work, considering what he did to that Holiday Inn that one time.  Orton cuts a intense (boring) promo on destroying the McMahon family.  And for some reason, his entrance takes forever.  I guess they were trying to eat up time or something, while putting over how focused Orton is.  Right, because this is such a big match for Orton, who’s been world champion and beaten pretty much every name-value star on the roster.  And then he ran into… SHANE MCMAHON DUN DUN DUN~!  Circle to start and Shane hits a jab, then another, then a bunch more.  Orton likely cried after the match, being forced to sell those.  Orton brawls him to the corner, then Shane fights back and manages to dropkick Orton out of the ring with a baseball slide.  Shane preps a table against the apron, then grabs a trash can, but Orton hits the wrap-around back breaker on the floor.  Ram into the apron, then another.   Back into the ring where Orton hits a kick to the gut and a back suplex.  Orton exposes a turn buckle and whips Shane into it, then kicks him down.  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz… Orton casually kicks Shane out of the ring and the fans start hate-hooing the match, which I’m sure was interpreted as heat for Orton.  Shane fights back with a kendo stick and whacks Orton a dozen times, give or take.  Orton falls out of the ring, leading to Shane clotheslining him on floor.  Shane preps the announce table for impact, then whacks Orton in the skull with a monitor.  Orton’s bleeding, and thankfully this is in the days before we would cut to a black-and-white filter.  Shane preps Orton the announce table and enters the ring to hit a splash or something, BUT WAIT~! because here comes Legacy.  They beat up Shane, then Cody bails to grab a chair.  DiBiase holds Rhodes for a chair shot but Shane swings Ted into the path of it, then DDTs Rhodes on the chair.  Shane takes his eye off the ball and instead hits the Van Terminator on Cody Rhodes.  Cody sells this by going into a coma, which is kind of hilarious.  Speaking of Comas, that’s what Orton must be in because he just lies there on the table this entire time.  So Shane climbs and goes for a flying elbow through the table, but Orton rolls out of the way.  Given that he had a few minutes to rest, they could have made it like he was playing possum.  But no, he’s actually still hurt and just barely got out of the way.  Lame.  Orton tells DiBiase to take the comatose Rhodes to the back, and he’ll finish off Shane.  Shane barely gets back into the ring, where Orton snatches him in the DDT off the ropes.  Orton covers but it only gets two, two, and two.  So we spend the next few minutes slowly prepping a table so that Orton can slowly superplex Shane through it.  Someone stop the damn match!  Not because of the carnage or anything, but because this shit sucks.  Orton covers and it gets two.  Garvin stomp by Orton and a kneedrop gets two.  Orton sets up for the spear, then pauses forever and allows Shane to get a spear.  Double KO of sorts… no sense in having one of those because it’s taking them roughly seven years to go from one move to the next… followed by Shane teeing off on Orton with a chair, whacking him in the back, legs, and head.  Not all at once, mind you.  Though I bet you could do that to Hornswaggle.  Shane sets up for his own version of the punt but gets caught in the RKO for the pinfall.
DUD In the long line of incredibly overrated Shane McMahon matches, this one was the latest.  “Ooooh, he crashed through a table.  He was thrown through plexi-glass.  He dived off a thirty foot scaffold.  Great match!”  No.  Fuck no.  His offense looks like shit.  It always has looked like shit.  And despite what some critics will tell you, there has never been a single good Shane McMahon match.  Test at Summerslam ’99?  Re-watch it.  It was ass.  Kurt Angle at the King of the Ring?  Re-watch it and notice how everything before and after the glass sequence sucked.  Steve Blackman?  Seriously, don’t even go there.  Anyway, this wasn’t the worst match that I ever saw live… I sat through Tomko vs. Richards from Unforgiven ’04… but was pretty close.

On a side note, I was betting the farm that this whole angle, including the part where Triple H got involved, would lead to Stephanie McMahon joining up with Orton.  Never been more happy to be wrong.

Match #3: ECW Championship
(c) Jack Swagger vs. Finlay

Fans in attendance are so happy to see Finlay that they chant for Christian.  Meanwhile, this might as well be Wrestlemania for Swagger because he wasn’t deemed worthy of having a match on the biggest show of the year.  Then again, given how shitty Wrestlemania turned out, that might be a good thing for him.  If he had any balls he could incorporate that into his promos.  “Hey everyone, remember how bad Wrestlemania 25 sucked?  Well don’t blame me, they said I wasn’t good enough to be on it.”  Then he could go up and dry hump Matt Striker in his face.  I’d mark.

Lockup goes to the corner where Finlay snatches a leg and slaps on a half crab.  He holds that for a bit, then stomps the leg.  Back to the half crab and another stomp.  Finlay takes him to the corner and brawls him around, but misses a charge and smashes his own face into the turnbuckle.  Swagger then kicks Finlay off into the post.  Knees to the guts and a hammerlock, and Swagger, is good enough to actually lock his fingers into it.  Fans could care less, but I like the little touches.  Shoulder-breaker into a powerslam by Swagger for two as the fans start to hate-hoo the match.  This might be a good time to point out that although I live in Washington, I was born and raised in Oregon and thus should not be lumped in by the incredibly stupid population represented here.  Oregonians do not hate-hoo matches.  Oh no.  We just sit silently and never make a noise.  Then again, we do that for good matches too.  I’ll shut up now.

Swagger slaps on a armbar, while Striker notes that the last notable title change in Seattle was at Wrestlemania 19 back in 2003?  Really?  So the title change that happened roughly thirty minutes earlier was not notable?  Yea, I thought so too.  Swagger gets a few near falls off the arm-bar, then both guys to their feet where Swagger wrings the arm but eats a reverse DDT onto the knee from Finlay for two.  Swagger goes to charge with a knee but puts on the breaks, possibly as a show of sportsmanship, or possibly because Finlay was out of position to counter the move.  He charges again and this time Finlay snatches him up in a roll-up, but can’t quite get the shoulders down correctly and it only gets one.  Swagger smacks Finlay in the corner and loads up a superplex.  Finlay pushes off of it and hits a kneelift and some uppercuts.  Short-arm clothesline while the fans chant “you can’t wrestle”.  Ugh.  Finlay hits a cross body off the ropes for two.  Hornswaggle is at ringside now.  Finlay goes all house of fire and hits a bunch of clotheslines and a butt splash for two.  Shoot to the corner and a shoulderblock, then Finlay loads up for the Celtic Cross, but Hornswaggle is on the apron for no reason other then to have Swagger kick Finlay into him.  Swagger grabs a waistlock and turns it into the gutwrench bomb for the pin.
* Not very good, but in defense of these guys, it’s hard to get into a good match mood when the fans start haterizing on you before you even get started.

Match #4
John “Bradshaw” Layfield vs. Shawn Michaels
Special Stipulation: If JBL wins, he owns Shawn Michaels.  Leave it to a Texan to bring slavery into the world of professional wrestling.  If Shawn wins, he gets a lot of money or something.

Thank Christ they didn’t save this shit for Wrestlemania.  Lockup leads to a clean break in the corner, where JBL jaws with Shawn and says he only needs him to make one mistake.  Another lockup and another clean break, but this time Shawn goes nuts with punches and Bradshaw bails.  JBL tries to bait Shawn into getting DQed with a chair, but Shawn isn’t a total retard and slugs it out instead.  Back in the ring, Shawn goes for a sunset flip but JBL sits on it for two.  Backslide by Shawn gets one, then JBL gets a shoulderblock and an elbowdrop for two.  Chopblocks by Shawn and a figure four, but JBL is too close to the ropes.  Shawn waits until the last second to break, then slaps on the Jesus Christ on the Cross…face, but JBL turns it into a pin attempt for two.  Whip by JBL sends Shawn up and over to the floor.  Ram into the apron by JBL, then into the ring where JBL hits six elbowdrops for two.  Should have done nine.  Short-arm clothesline gets two.  Stiff punches in the corner by JBL, then a bearhug that goes on forever.  Shawn fights back and JBL lowers his head into a swinging neck-breaker.  Atomic drop by Shawn and some chops.  What, no nip-up?  Another atomic drop, but JBL sends him up and down into the corner, then loads him up for a superplex.  Shawn tries to fight off of it, does, but misses an elbow off the top.  Clothesline from Hell hits… for two.  JBL then hits a second clothesline from hell.  Shawn’s wife actually sells this better then Shawn does.  Shawn is close to the ropes so JBL gently kicks him out of the ring, content to get a count-out victory.  Shawn barely beats the count back in, so JBL tosses him back to the floor.  He gets out of the ring to jaw with Rebecca Michaels, which leads to her smacking him.  Then the holy ghost jumps from Rebecca to Shawn and thusly he hulks up.  Flying forearm, nip-up, Thesz press, scoopslam, flying elbow off the top, sweet chin music, winner.
*** About as bad a match as Shawn is capable of having, outside his wank-fests with Triple H that is.  Very basic, but still decent.

-Meanwhile, Chris Jericho is confident that he’s walking out as the new champion tonight, then invites Ric Flair to come out of retirement and challenge him for the belt at Wrestlemania.  Actually, he’s just joking.  Except about winning the title.  That was serious.  Not the Flair part.  I guess.

Match #5: World Heavyweight Championship: Elimination Chamber Match
(c) John Cena vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Chris Jericho vs. Mike Knox vs. Kane vs. Kofi Kingston Edge

Indeed, Kingston gets beat up during his entrance by Edge, who takes his spot.  Only in wrestling.  I still hold out hope that one day it will be the bottom of the 9th in the World Series between the Yankees and the Cardinals.  Two outs, two strikes, no runners on, Cardinals up three games to nothing, leading game four by a score of 16 to 0… BUT WAIT~! here comes the Chicago Cubs with steel chairs, beating up the Cardinals and taking their spots to steal the World Series victory.

Ah fuck, whom I kidding?  They would still manage to blow it.

Meanwhile, the douchebag behind me who bet me $20 on the outcome of the main event let out a knowing “awwwwww crap.”  This guy was a true blue mark and even he figured out what would happen.  Edge slams Kingston into the stairs, then gives him a conchairto.  He then locks himself into Kingston’s pod.  Medics and stuff come out to help Kingston, but no police show up to arrest the clearly insane and homicidal Edge for his attempted murder/hate crime.  The entire concept is stupid beyond belief, and yet I’m still loving Edge’s insane, wide-eyed, twitchy selling of this whole situation.  To the match where Mysterio starts with Jericho.  Lockup goes nowhere.  Second lockup leads to Jericho getting a headlock-takeover.  Shoot off and Jericho gets a shoulderblock.  Monkey flip by Mysterio, then a head scissors to set up for the 619, but Jericho bails outside the ropes.  Mysterio hits a flipping senton on Jericho over the ropes.  Clothesline by Rey sends Jericho back into the ring.  Jericho to the corner where Mysterio charges but misses and kills himself on Kane’s pod.  Nice bump there.  Delayed suplex by Jericho gets two.  Chinlock now, which Mysterio fights out of, only to get backdropped over the ropes and onto the steel floor.  Catapult attempt by Jericho but Mysterio catches the chains and climbs to the ceiling, then drops down onto Jericho and fires off a head scissors.  Mysterio springs over the ropes with a seated senton for two.  Seated bulldog by Mysterio, but it’s time for the third entrance.

It’s Kane, and he quickly big-boots Mysterio, then clubs Jericho down.  Kane might be a heel but he also threatens to kill Edge as well.  Edge gets all bug-eyed and backs away, even though he’s safely inside his pod.  Good stuff.  Jericho takes advantage of this by grabbing a sleeper, but Kane slings him off.  Sidewalk slam to Mysterio gets two, then more punches to Jericho.  Snapmare by Kane and then a dropkick to the face for two.  Clothesline by Kane sends Jericho over the ropes and onto the steel flooring.  Kane slams Jericho’s knee into the steel, but Mysterio comes in and manages to beat Kane down.  Baseball slide to Kane’s ribs.  Kane fights back and but Mysterio catches a weird spinning reverse DDT.  Jericho goes for the lionsault on Kane but misses and wipes out.  Mysterio sets up both guys for the 619 but Kane catches him and goes for a chokeslam.  Kane pushes Jericho off, which allows Mysterio to hit the 619 on Kane.  Jericho hits the code breaker on Kane, then Mysterio ranas Jericho over the ropes.  Mysterio climbs on top of a pod and hits a seated senton on Kane to eliminate him.  It’s time for the next person.

It’s Mike Knox.  Man, Mysterio can’t catch a break.  Knox comes in and boots Mysterio right away.  Bicycle kick to Jericho, then a splash to Rey.  Scoopslam and a kneedrop to Jericho gets two.  Jericho actually saves Mysterio and goes for Knox.  They brawl for a bit and then Knox gets backdropped over the ropes and onto the steel.  Jericho goes for a springboard, but Knox catches him and slams him into the chains a couple times.  Mysterio recovers and grabs a sleeper on Knox, but Knox flips him over and slams him into the chains, then hooks Mysterio’s foot in the links.  He doesn’t manage to get anything good off of this.  Knox slams Jericho it’s Cena’s pod, then press-slams him into the ring.  Shoot to the corner and Knox hits a sambo backbreaker on Mysterio, but Jericho comes in with the code breaker out of nowhere to get the pin on Knox.  Credit to Knox for doing pretty good in his first… and presumably only… WWE main event.  A lot of people, myself included, thought it was silly to put someone like him in it, but he did okay.  He certainly didn’t embarrass himself, which is more then Vladimir Kozlov or Big Show can say.  Jericho goes to brawl with Mysterio, but we’re ready for another wrestler.

It’s Edge, but Mysterio jumps him as soon as his pod door opens.  Big pop for that.  Mysterio goes nuts on Edge, slamming him into the pod and totally manhandling him.  Crossbody and some kicks by Mysterio, but Jericho makes the save with a clothesline.  Back suplex by Jericho to Mysterio, but Edge goes after him.  Jericho hits a bulldog on him, then goes back to Mysterio.  Back elbow to Rey but the Lionsault is blocked when Mysterio gets his knees up.  Edge-o-Matic to Jericho gets two.  Edge goes for the spear on Mysterio but misses.  Jericho goes for the code breaker on Edge but doesn’t hit it.  Edge gets set up for the 619 but again Jericho saves Edge for no damn reason.  To the corner where Jericho looks like he’s setting up an MDK bomb, but Edge joins them and we end up with a tower of doom spot and all three guys are out.  Fans actually start to chant for Cena.  That’s about as rare as finding an albino rhino in the wild.  Edge tosses Jericho over the ropes and onto the steel.

John Cena enters the match.  Shoulderblock and clothesline to Edge, then a clothesline for Jericho, then a belly to belly suplex for Edge.  Fisherman’s buster to Jericho, bulldog to Edge, Jericho gets dumped, then a protoplex to Edge.  He goes for the five knuckle shuffle on Edge and hits it, then it all goes to hell for him.  He loads up Edge for the FU, but Jericho hits the code breaker on him, Mysterio hits the 619 on him, then Edge spears him… for the pin.  Fans fucking explode.  Edge and Jericho sell the shock of actually eliminating Cena beyond perfectly, with comical shock.  But the best sell job was only seen by those seated near me.  “MOTHER FUCKER!  MOTHER FUCKER!  MOTHER FUCKER!” screamed the douchebag, who then instructed the old lady to pay me.  I wish I could say that $20 I made went towards something cool, but it takes a lot of gas to travel from Eastern Washington to Seattle, and $20 didn’t even come close to covering it.

Mysterio dropkicks Edge, then ranas Jericho.  Head scissors to Edge and a dropkick to Jericho sets up the 619.  Edge moves out of the way, but Jericho eats it.  Mysterio side-steps Edge’s charges and goes for the West Coast Pop, but Jericho catches him and slaps on the Walls.  Mysterio reverses that with a pin that eliminates Jericho.  Mysterio is pooped and doesn’t see Edge setting up for the spear.  Mysterio moves out of the way of it and gets a rollup for two.  Fans actually bought that as a potential finish.  Fans are super hot for Mysterio winning it.  Hell, even I was and that would have cost me $20 because the bet would have been a scrub.  Springboard crossbody gets two.  Edge kicks at Rey and goes for a sunset flip, but Mysterio rolls through it and gets a buzz saw kick for two.  Both guys are gassed, but still pull it together.  Rey springs off the ropes and gets caught, but hits a tornado DDT for two.  Boot to the face by Edge sends Mysterio onto the steel flooring.  Edge loads up Mysterio out there to go for a powerbomb, but Mysterio channels his inner-Kidman and turns it into a facebuster on the steel flooring.  619 to the back of Edge’s head.  Mysterio charges but Edge launches him into the glass on the chamber, which I’m guessing was supposed to break but didn’t.  Still looked all kinds of nasty.  In the ring, Edge hits the spear and wins the championship.  Anyone who says the fans were happy about it is nuts.  90% of the audience was super pissed.
****1/4 Likely the best Elimination Chamber match.  Lots of good spots and good psychology, plus a hot final two.  I thought after all the stuff Mysterio got on Edge, he should have gotten beat up a little bit more before getting pinned, but that’s just nit-picky.

SPECIAL FEATURES

-Todd Grisham interviews Edge about his World Title win.  Edge says he walked in as champion and walked out as champion.  And that’s it.  Whole thing ran 49 seconds.

Oh, and there’s a bonus match…

Awwww fuck.

Match #6: Unsanctioned Match
Shane McMahon vs. Randy Orton
2/16/09 Raw

From the next night on Raw.  There’s no referee, so it’s just a big brawl.  Shane jumps Orton as he makes his entrance and dumps him into the crowd.  Shane gets on the rail and hits a flying forearm on Orton.  Fans actually give them room to fight, which is downright decent of them.  Shane whips the technical tables, then kicks him around.  He grabs a bottle of water and slams it on Orton’s head.  Maybe it was holy water or something, and Orton is really Satan.  Hey wait a second, I thought Vince McMahon was Satan, which means Shane is Damien and the holy water should have hurt him.  Maybe it did, because Orton makes his comeback brawls Shane around some more.   Back to the ringside area where Shane gets slammed into the announce table, then onto the stairs.  More brawling from Orton, then back into the ring where Orton stomps away.  Stiff punch sends Shane to the floor, where Orton rams him into the apron a few times.  These rams look way better then the ones from the pay per view did.  Shane gets his second wind and tosses Orton over the announce table, then mounts some punches.  Shane grabs the ring bell and clubs Orton in the head with it.  Looked pretty stiff too.  Shane drags Orton back into the ring and hits him in the back of the head with the bell.  He grabs a chair and sets Orton up for the Van Terminator.  BUT WAIT~! because here comes Legacy.  They stomp away on Shane, and hopefully this time they don’t get punked out.  Stupid twisty-neckbreaker move by Rhodes, the same one that everyone and their mother has been trying to get over as a finisher for years, but it won’t work because it just plain sucks.  Shane is now set up for the punt, and he eats it hard.  I have never been a fan of the RKO, so they should really drop it in favor of the punt.  Anyway, Stephanie McMahon comes out to check on Shane, along with some officials.  Orton gets all psychotic looking with Steph.  She begs him to please just leave, so he RKOs her to a huge pop.  Then he realizes what he’s done and is like “ah fuck.”  Even better is Rhodes and DiBiase, who look at each other as if to say “This guy is going to get us killed!”  Good stuff.  Triple H runs down the biggest pop ever, causing the heels to bail.  Trips cries over Stephanie’s limp body, then shoots the death stare at Orton to start their Wrestlemania feud on a high note.  Is what all downhill afterwards, leading to what I’m pretty sure I’ll end up rating as the worst Wrestlemania main event ever.  I remember being nearly falling asleep during it.  We’ll find out soon as it will either be Wrestlemania 25 or the Bash being reviewed next.  But I think Taker vs. Sid from WM 13 is finally off the hook.
NO RATING as it was a non-match brawl, but this was way better then what people had to pay to see the night before.

BOTTOM LINE: The second Chamber match totally saved this from an easy thumbs down, but I looking at the overall product it’s really tough to say whether or not to recommend the show.  And for the record, I think giving thumbs in the middle is a huge cop out.  To quote Matthew Broderick in Election, “We’re not electing the fucking pope here.”  It’s a recommendation.  Yea or nay?  If something isn’t worth giving thumbs up to, then it should get thumbs down.  Well, after looking over everything, you have one match that meets the four-star rating and two matches that get my passing grade of three-stars or better.  Thus 60% of the matches here are worth watching, and thus we barely get a thumbs up.  BUT… if the WWE does release an Elimination Chamber set, this show becomes skippable in favor of that set.  Given that they are letting the ignorant fans (the same fans who picked shitty lineups for the World Title/IC Title/Starrcade sets) decide on the fate of their future DVD lineup, I would say the Elimination Chamber set is a gimmie.  So this gets Thumbs Up until 2010ish, then gets dropped to a thumbs down, if that makes sense.




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Charlie Reneke

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  • Vince

    I am, was and will always be an Edge fan.

    I have to say that a lot of my friends were angry when Kingston got annihilated for the Edge substitution.

    The burial was worth it to me and I laughed in joy the whole way home.

    I was paid back tenfold when Cena ‘F-Ued both men at the same time’ at Wrestlemania. Still don’t know why they claim that when he clearly botched that spot.

  • DomDom

    I don’t get it. The Big Show added loads to his EC, but it’d appear you’re too put off by your own personal dislike of the Show to even consider that he can be good.

    Oh, and Finlay’s match better than the Street Fight ? Hilarious.

  • Brad Curran

    I haven’t seen Shane vs. Angle in a while, but I’m pretty sure you’re wrong on it sucking save the big spot. That said, I’m pretty well sick of his routine now, and was bemused by his match with Orton. I will always respect him for knowing when to go away (although he lingered a bit longer than he should have during this feud).

  • Charlie

    “I don’t get it. The Big Show added loads to his EC, but it’d appear you’re too put off by your own personal dislike of the Show to even consider that he can be good.”

    What loads did Big Show add? Besides loads of tedium and boredom? Slow-motion brawling? Oh, and I’m quoted as saying “There’s a decent wrestler somewhere in Show but he seems to be going about it all wrong.” Which is basically a mean version of what Ric Flair said during his retirement speech.

    “Oh, and Finlay’s match better than the Street Fight ? Hilarious.”

    Well, Finlay at least knows how to throw a punch that looks halfway decent.

  • El Douche

    maybe i’m biased cause i was there, but i honestly thought this was the best (or at least one of teh best) non-Mania PPVs the E has put on in years. a last hurrah of sorts as i’m so bored by the current product that I barely watch it and may just give it up altogether after almost 25 years of watching. i don’t see me caring enough to go to anymore shows in the near future unless mania is here again.

  • Pingback: Alternate Reality by Vin Tastic – Way too (WW)Easy… | Pulse Wrestling

  • red

    I was watching this on 24/7 and could have sworn before the first chamber match that they made clear the rule was you had to be pinned IN the ring. Just an FYI, I may have heard wrong.

  • Charlie

    But they had a couple Chamber matches with pinfall attempts outside the ring as well.

  • http://www.onlineworldofwrestlingandwww.wrestlinginsidepulse.com sebasitan

    ***1/2 Good start with Jeff and Edge, horrible sequence with Kozlov and Show, then peppy final three. If not for Show and Kozlov, this might have been the best chamber match, but they were in it and thus it was not.

    I thought the ebst chamber match was the first one where HBK got his @ss handed to him, intill he came back, and beat the ever-loving sh*t out of HHH.

  • http://www.onlineworldofwrestlingandwww.wrestlinginsidepulse.com sebasitan

    This might be a good time to point out that although I live in Washington, I was born and raised in Oregon and thus should not be lumped in by the incredibly stupid population represented here. Oregonians do not hate-hoo matches. Oh no. We just sit silently and never make a noise. Then again, we do that for good matches too. I’ll shut up now.

    Same thing with me, although now I live in Florida, I did however use to live in Washington.

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