We are LIVE outside of the arena watching Chris Jericho attempt to get anyone that cares to sign a petition to let him back on WWE RAW. Epic.
BURN IT TO THE GROUND!
We’re live from Hartford, CT. Sheamus defends his title against Cena tonight and Vince McMahon will address Bret Hart tonight on RAW.
YOU CAN’T SEE ME! Are we kicking things off with the title match now? Maybe not. Cena takes and he leaves a ring and brings a table inside. Cena is perched atop the turnbuckle as he is about to address the fans. He reminds us how Sheamus became the WWE Champion two weeks ago. Tonight is the last RAW of 2009 and Cena has gone crazy. He wants the rematch now and he wants to make it a Tables match. Sheamus responds to this challenge by Cena. In the ring, he takes a microphone and asks if Cena is for real. Sheamus doesn’t have to prove anything as he is the champion. It’s noted this week his name is engraved on the title belt whereas last week it was not. Sheamus tells Cena that the rematch happens on his terms and a tables match isn’t in the books. Instead, he is going to beat Cena one-on-one straight up later tonight in the main event. Cena hops through the table and Sheamus turns around to be given an Attitude Adjustment through the table! That was a strong statement by Cena.
We’re back and Timbaland is already having a party with the RAW Divas. Josh Matthews asks Timbaland what the status of tonight’s main event is. He responds in monotones and the fans have spoken. They have a not-so-PG moment with shaking asses and the like.
Meanwhile, Legacy is perky and Orton is pissed off. Orton says that he thinks he has to break up Legacy and how he wasted a year and a half of his career trying to build them up. Rhodes and Legacy defends themselves saying that they saved Orton’s ass. Orton has arranged for a couple matches to test them. DiBiase has Bourne and Rhodes has Mark Henry. If they lose their matches, they are out and Orton will personally kick their asses.
Chris Jericho has a sign saying “Stop the Jericho Embargo” outside the arena.
Randy Orton makes his way out to the ring to observe the match coming up next!
Local advertising is hyping John Cena & Undertaker v. Big Show & Batista on February 20th in Springfield, IL.
Now a table is set up outside the arena and Chris Jericho still trying to get people to care about him.
The Marine 2 trailer plays and the DVD comes out tomorrow!
Ted DiBiase v. Evan Bourne
The bell sounds and DiBiase has Bourne in his sights. Bourne takes advantage of a missed knee drop and he takes it to DiBiase. LARIAT by DiBiase sends Bourne up and over for a two count. Brainbuster by DiBiase scores another two count. He drops the elbows and he snaps on a chinlock. Bourne comes back up and DiBiase eats a kick. Corner charge averted…but Bourne hops on DiBiase and flips him halfway across the ring for a two count. Schoolboy gets another two. Bourne goes for AirBourne, but DiBiase gets up and he goes up on the turnbuckle. Bourne kicks him off and he misses a top rope charge. Dream Street connects and DiBiase passes the test.
Winner: Ted DiBiase
Rhodes takes on Henry next!
Cody Rhodes v. Mark Henry
The match begins with Rhodes playing cat and mouse. Henry isn’t in the mood as he tosses Rhodes clear across the ring. Butt splash misses and Rhodes tries to take advantage. Rhodes gets tossed out of the ring. Back in, a dropkick proves ineffective and Henry drops his hips on Rhodes and lands wrong on his leg. World’s Strongest Slam is floated over and Rhodes clips the leg. Rhodes kicks the leg out of Henry and Rhodes hits a DDT for the three.
Winner: Cody Rhodes
Orton shows his approval as they walk up the ramp.
Meanwhile, Jillian Hall tries to get an audition with Timbaland and Gail Kim tries to save us from embarrassment. However, Triple H has Hornswoggle taped to a skateboard and a helmet on him. Last week, Shawn took Hornswoggle to church, so Trips has to train Hornswoggle. Shawn is worried about Bret Hart. Trips tells Shawn to not worry, leave Vince alone, and don’t do anything stupid. HA! Afterwards, Jillian Hall tries to crap…I mean rap. Here comes a midget on a skateboard and he knocks her on his ass. Timbaland approves.
Later tonight, DX takes on Big Show and someone of his choosing and Kofi Kingston takes on the Miz and if he wins, he gets the Miz next week for the U.S. Title!
Kelly Kelly v. Maryse
The bell rings and Maryse taunts her way to a slap. Kelly takes her down and CATFIGHT! Maryse gets up and she berates Kelly, but she comes back with a clothesline and a dropkick! Up on the top…crossbody gets a two count! Maryse gets sent to the corner and Kelly misses the handspring elbow. Maryse gets Kelly up on the top and does a top rope arm drag. Maryse hits her spike DDT for the pinfall!
Maryse cackles and laughs asking if Melina is watching her. She speaks French and she finishes that she’ll never be as sexy as her. She finishes talking and she kicks Kelly Kelly for good measure.
Vince McMahon is on his way to the ring…NEXT!
Jericho is still outside protesting and Big Show comes up to him. Show tells Jericho that all good things have to come to an end. He hands Jericho an envelope with presumbly a ticket to the show inside.
Vince McMahon Addresses the Rumors
The fans chant “We Want Bret” out of the gate. He skirts away from the topic, giving himself credit for having weekly guest hosts on RAW. He then turns his attention to Bret Hart and he has a video package of Hart to which he shows us. This eventually segues way to the Montreal Screw Job. Vince reiterates that he did not screw Bret Hart. Vince has allowed Bret Hart to come back and he inducted Bret into the WWE Hall of Fame, but Bret never shook Vince’s hand. In spite of all this, next week the guest host will be… and Vince can’t say it. He tries again…and he says he can’t do it. Vince says that Bret Hart will never be a guest host for WWE RAW.
Out comes Shawn Michaels and Vince becomes happy for him. However, Shawn isn’t happy. Sometimes, there are rivalries that are bigger than the industry. Some rivalries are bigger and you can’t deny them. This quickly segues into a rivalry with the Undertaker. Shawn knows that he can beat Taker and he wants Vince to make Taker/Michaels II at Wrestlemania 26! Vince won’t make the match because if it is going to happen, then Shawn has to make it happen. Shawn isn’t finished and he says that he can understand Vince being afraid of the Undertaker, but being afraid of Bret Hart? It’s absurd. Bring Bret Hart back to RAW and good things will happen. Vince says that he is fearless. Only good things will happen. Shawn says that he’ll be more than happy to see Bret one more time. Vince formally announces…Bret Hart as your guest host next week on RAW!
John Cena is with Josh Matthews and Sheamus unleashes Irish revenge upon Cena that leaves him lying in pain!
Random things happen in Timbaland’s locker room. Kofi is happy to get a shot at the U.S. Title and MVP wants the first shot at the title. REALLY! The Miz says that Kofi and Miz will be mere afterthoughts and Miz takes a potshot at Gail Kim saying that she can’t keep up with Maryse because he know it. Timbaland changes things up saying that if Kofi beats Miz tonight, then the title is on the line immediately after the match. They mock the Miz afterwards.
We recap Bret Hart returning to the WWE next week. We also recap what happened earlier when Sheamus ate a table and Cena ate a dose of Irish Revenge.
Here comes the Miz!
The Miz v. Kofi Kingston
The bell sounds and Miz hits a snap suplex to take control. Miz attacks in the corner and is restrained. Corner splash connects and he goes to the top. Off the ropes…TROUBLE IN PARADISE! Kofi wins!
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Rating: Withheld until the conclusion of the title match
The referee checks on Miz and we go to break.
U.S. Title Match: Kofi Kingston v. The Miz
We’re JIP as Kofi Kingston hits a cross body on the Miz for a two count. The S.O.S. gets another two count. The Miz can’t mount any offense as Kofi hits a side Russian leg sweep. Boom Drop connects with a twist and he waits for the Miz. TROUBLE IN PARADISE CONNECTS! However, the referee can’t count as Orton is out to cost Kofi the title and he hits the RKO out on the floor!
Winner via DQ: Kofi Kingston (The Miz retains the U.S. Title)
Grade: NR. (I can’t rate this as it was pure angle advancement.)
Josh Matthews asks Orton why he attacked Kofi. He says that the issue with them isn’t over so next week he’ll kick Kofi in the skull.
DX makes their way to the ring and they do their gig. Chris Jericho makes his way in the arena and he has a front row seat.
Big Show brings Chavo Guerrero out as a partner and Jericho is jealous.
DX v. Big Show & Chavo Guerrero
Bell rings and Triple H quickly eats a couple vertical suplex before he gives Chavo a brainbuster. From the corner, Trips levels Chavo with a lariat. Tag to Shawn and Chavo must be happy that he is even facing DX. Big Show takes care of Shawn and he scores a two count on HBK. Tag to Big Show and Shawn is in trouble. Double handed chokebomb follows this and Chavo gets tagged back in. Shawn fights back with some chops, but Chavo gets an uppercut. Off the ropes, Chavo lands on the knees and we get tags all around. Trips counters a chokeslam attempt, but Show sends him to the corner. Trips misses the charge and he plants Chavo with a spinebuster. On the Big Show, Trips hits a knee buster and Show comes back with a spear. Tag to Chavo and he climbs atop the giant. Frog Splash misses and Big Show gets taken out of the action. Hornswoggle comes in and tries to hit a little Pedigree, but Chavo neutralizes him. He turns around into a real Pedigree and that is it.
Jericho gets pissed off and he eats a Sweet Chin Music for his efforts.
Triple H says that JeriShow will get a real rematch next week on RAW and if they lose, he is gone from RAW forever.
We hype RAW next week and I find it cute that they didn’t mention TNA at all.
WWE Title is up for grabs…NEXT! Don’t blink or you might miss it!
Oh GOD…he was mildly ineffective tonight, but now he’s heading to the ring with the Bella’s as our special guest ring announcer. It’s 10PM CST and our title match isn’t happening yet. Epic Fail.
WWE Championship: John Cena v. Sheamus
The bell sounds at 10:03PM and they stare down in the middle of the ring. BRAWL TO START! Cena sends Sheamus to the corner and Sheamus counters the bulldog. Sheamus is in control over Cena and he thrusts his shoulder against Cena’s stomach. Suplex connects and he covers for a two count. Cena backpedals to the corner and Sheamus sends him corner to corner. HERE COMES CENA! Protobomb connects! Time for Five Knuckle Shuffle and he goes for the Attitude Adjustment! Sheamus grabs the ropes and he lets go, taking the referee down for the predictable DQ.
Winner via DQ: John Cena
Cena is pissed off and he throws Sheamus back in the ring. Once he gets inside, Cena eats a bicycle kick! Cena gets back up and he eats another kick.
RAW BELONGS TO ME!
RAW Grade: D+
Tonight’s show was all about the hype for Bret Hart. The wrestling sucked at best, aside from DX and Guerrero/Big Show. The Miz/Kofi match was a disappointment and the WWE Title match was predictable. Cena had to win…he did via DQ. It was too damned short. The only thing really redeeming tonight was Vince McMahon and Shawn Michaels. DX v. Guerrero/Show saved it from another worse grade. You didn’t miss much this week.
Next week, Pulse Wrestling will have TWO real-time coverage feeds for WWE RAW and TNA iMPACT! I’ll handle WWE RAW and Ricardo Rochetti will take a stab at TNA iMPACT. It’s going to be a train wreck on the Pulse, so be sure to keep it to the Pulse next week for the biggest dual coverage of what could be the return of the Monday Night War. Until then, see you in seven!