The TNA-WWE Monday night war was the trending topic on Twitter last night. Was it worth the hype? Was it worth anything at all? I didn’t watch WWE because I stopped watching it after Cena-Orton 110. It is, well… boring and predictable; lackluster fop. The exciting news was that TNA acquired Hulk Hogan (although the reverse seems to fit better) and that they were going to stick it to Vince McMahon. This is when I started to cringe because a wise man, though diminutive in stature (no, not Hornswoggle you lecherous marks), said that failure to remember the past will doom you to repeat it. I believe that at this point he was 100% correct!

RAW had Bret Hart but so what? What in hell was he going to do? Get in to that stupid guest host role and read bad writing. Bah. He can’t work in the ring anymore. So here comes TNA with their “first shot” and if I were measuring on aim, distance and accuracy I would say they lost the target and shot their Aunt Helga in the foot. It sucked.

The show was THREE HOURS long! THREE! That is PPV length. How many matches did TNA give us to enjoy? Let’s count them down shall we?

1. X-Division Cage
2. Tara vs. ODB
3. Morgan/Hernandez vs. Stevie/Raven
4. Kong/Hamada vs. Wilde/Sarita
5. Abyss vs. Samoa Joe
6. Elijah Burke (Pope gimmick is stupid) vs. Wolfe
7. AJ vs. Angle

Now, on paper, this is a solid and I mean SOLID show for TNA. I know it looked great to Dixie and the boys and the people that really matter: the fans. Hell, 7 matches is a nice length and is even PPV length in some companies and in the indies we go for 7-9 matches to fill a card. Let me tell ya something kids… it sucked. Let me break it down in another way.

We have to run wrestling shows like TV productions because, hey, that’s they amount to. You have your cast, your stage, your audience and all that other crap. You need to be able to put it together in the time you have allotted. Three hours is a nice amount of time for any wrestling show and you can get a lot of stuff in. Eric Bischoff broke Kay-Fabe a bit when he asked for a “format” (this is what I’m talking about) but we tend to refer to it as a “run sheet”. In any case – there it was… and this is where the night turns from potentially good to absolute crap: Hogan and Bischoff.

This is what the run sheet (format) looked like. Forgive me if I miss something or that it is slightly out of order. I DVRed the show and they decided to run long. At least they got in the finish of the main event prior to that. So whatever happened after Angle lost to Styles I didn’t get to see. Now, here is what *I* saw as a format/run sheet:

1. Recap
2. Match 1
3. Jeff Hardy Appearance
4. Limo
5. Match 2
6. Hall/Waltman
7. Hogan, Hall/Waltman, Bischoff
8. Beautiful People #1
9. Flair
10. Match #3
11. Foley #1
12. Attack #1
13. Beautiful People #2
14. Match #4
15. Jeff Jarrett
16. Hogan
17. Foley #2
18. Nasty Boys #1

Ugh… I am already tired of writing this crap. They had the other matches. Foley appeared 2 more times, Nasty Boys 2 more times, Beautiful People once more. Two more shots of Jeff Hardy and Moore, 2 more attacks… etc. etc. etc. Orlando Jordan (and I, along with many others, had NO idea who the hell it was) so I call it BORING!

With all of this CRAP FILLER those SEVEN matches amounted to roughly 30 minutes of actual in-ring work. The X-Division cage thing lasted like ONE minute! That is a 24-35 minute PPV match that ended with a lovely “this is bullshit” chant by the fans and hey – guess what – it is! I suppose Easy E (stupid, it’s not 1997) figured the appearance of Jeff Hardy would ease that pain – it didn’t. Know why? Nobody cares! When you put Hardy up against the OTHER workers in TNA he looks like a Team 3D school graduate.

At least they gave ODB and Tara about 5 minutes to work a decent TV match.

Now to the match that had POTENTIAL…Stevie and Raven vs. Hernandez and Morgan. Are you dumbasses SERIOUS? This COULD be a main event match but you had it last barely a minute? I remember Hogan had issues with ECW and Heyman but move beyond that petty bullshit and grow a set.

The Knockout tag match was GREAT! They were given time to work with and they worked it well.

First meeting of Abyss and Joe went well as well though it was too short.

Burke and Wolfe? Seriously. A 3 minute match? I know Burke is beyond overrated but seriously? I’m flabbergasted by it because they brought in McGuiness and tossed him right in there with Angle. Yea – I know it was to see how he worked and Angle is pretty much the gauge for that but to give him and Burke a short match like that is, as the fans say, bullshit.

This brings me to the main event: Styles vs. Angle. THIS was a match and THIS is what the other matches could have and SHOULD have been. It was AWESOME and the fans were right once again: who needs Bret!? Right.

The problem with this TNA broadcast is the same reason it happened in the first place: Hogan. Not just Hogan but a whole lot of useless crap that just didn’t matter. We watch TNA to watch WRESTLING. If we wanted to see sooooo much talking and lame writing and pointless run-ins and crappy finishes we would watch WWE! Hell – we would go and download or buy class WCW because let me tell ya, brother – that is EXACTLY what it was like… Monday Night Nitro.

Hogan’s 40 minute spiel; including such statements as: “this will be different” and “if you can’t talk and wrestle you won’t be here.” Hulk is, well, a liar. Let’s call a spade a spade shall we? Can Hogan wrestle? Eh. That’s worth a debate. Can Nash wrestle? Hall? Waltman? Assuming they’re off the drugs and the booze they may be able to do… SOMETHING. Can the Nasty Boys wrestle? LOL, no. I love the guys. They’re my age, from my hometown, my school system and all that but wrestling is not what they do.

When Hogan came to TNA he brought with him:

Orlando Jordan (who cares)
Shannon Moore (who cares)
Jeff Hardy (he’ll get a match or 2 in before his next drug bust)
Nasty Boys
Hall
Bischoff
Waltman
Val Venis (really? Seriously?)
Ric Flair (talk about old dog)

And worst of all – he brought himself. Who knows who else will show up. I’m scared to think who. The guys in TNA better get used to the EGO ass-rape they are about to take. When Hogan meant “wrestling” he meant working 3 minutes and doing nothing worth looking at. The guys who WERE at the top of the ladder should expect to be bumped down to curtain jerker or midcard hack. And if you were affiliated with Paul Heyman or ECW then you can pretty much expect you ticket to be punched. Just look back to the old WCW days and that is EXACTLY how last nights TNA looked like.

I am trying to withhold judgment. Russo can’t write himself out of a paper bag and the EGO that is Bischoff and Hogan can sink TNA. Bischoff made the comment that he took WCW to the TOP to beat WWE. Um… yea, you did until they spanked your ass, bought the company and fired you.

I want the best for TNA but I don’t think anyone who watched can honestly say that is what happening. We didn’t see the Machine Guns work. We didn’t get to REALLY see Burke and Wolfe rip it up. We did, however, get to see Hogan run his mouth forever. There is NO reason why a 3 hour WRESTLING show would have a half hour of actual wrestling. Cut Hogan’s crap down to 5-8 minutes, Jarrett’s to 4 minutes, take out the Beautiful People all together or get to the pay off in the first segment, let the Nasty Boys enter the way they did right away. Put Hall and Waltman at ringside and have Tax and Tenay mention them and how they had to buy a ticket. You do this then you get your payoff PLUS great matches!

Prove me wrong guys cause I want TNA and NOT World Championship Wrestling sucktitude.

Tags: Hulk Hogan, TNA