The Way Too Long News Post 05.29.2010 – Chris Jericho, Booker T, Chuck Palumbo
by Charlie Reneke on May 29, 2010

-TNA recently commented on Booker T’s surprise appearance at a house show.

Booker T is not affiliated with TNA Wrestling at this time, which has Burger Kings in the Orlando area breathing easier. However, due to a mechanical issue (A.J. doesn’t like that RVD always smells like skunk), AJ Styles was unable to fly in for the TNA live event, and Booker made a surprise appearance in his place. TNA prides itself on creating the best live events in professional wrestling, but failing that we’re willing to screw fans over by placing a barely mobile 45-year-old guy who was barely a star to begin with in to pinch-hit for the guy who was our champion just a few weeks ago and guarantee a match that will horrifically stink up the joint, much like an RVD bong hit.

Fans in attendance had assumed that it was A.J. and he had simply fallen asleep in his tanning bed.

-TNA’s Ric Flair has promised to never retire again, vowing instead to be found dead in his hotel room like any real wrestler should.

-Former WWE performer Chuck Palumbo has a documentary coming out. Huh… “performer.”  Must be a typo…

And now to up my smart mark credibility for you dear readers, here is a random video of Japanese wrestling.

Wow, it’s wrestling. And it’s Japanese. I feel cultured now. And somehow smarter then you all. Now I don’t know much about Japanese wrestling, nor do I speak Chinese, but I’m pretty sure that’s from a match between Giant Baba and Mothra. I’m sure Glazer will be there to correct me on that, then hopefully someone will be there to correct him.

-Chris Jericho recently sat down for an interview with Live Audio Wrestling in Canada. Below is a transcript of his thoughts on why he’s still relevant in the WWE.

Nobody will ever steal my spot because I do what I do very uniquely. I basically do all the same moves as everyone else, but I do them roughly four to five inches shorter then them. What? That is unique, goddamnit. Whether I’m on first or whether I’m in the main event… and these days I expect to be on first more often… it doesn’t matter to me. If I get five minutes of TV time, watch out because I’m going to take advantage of it and scowl at the camera. I can’t control the booking; I have no power over that. I’ll do a lot of low things but I will NEVER fuck Stephanie McMahon. Well maybe if she wore a paper bag on her head and called herself “Randy” instead… the point is all I can control is the time that I’m given and the storyline that I’m given to do the best possible job with it. Emphasis on “job.”

He then buried his head in his lap and began to cry.

-Speaking of Jericho, it has been announced that Jericho will finally have his own DVD released soon. The reason for the delay is it’s been hard to put together a Chris Jericho set given that so many of his career highlights were against Chris Benoit (who was banned from DVD for allegedly murdering his whole family, although I find it suspect that nobody has questioned Triple H on the matter. It’s always Triple H…), or guys like Steve Austin or the Rock who don’t represent the pureness of the TV-PG era we are currently in.

Also, the WWE doesn’t have access to his classic matches from Japan or Mexico. And all his WCW efforts were accidentally taped over by WWE Producer Kevin Dunn with reruns of Deal or No Deal.

However, thanks to fan demand, the WWE will finally release “The Best of Chris Jericho” this Christmas. Approximate running time: eleven minutes.

-As confirmed exclusively by Inside Pulse Wrestling the day after it was announced publicly by the WWE on their number-one rated television show and then recapped by Inside Pulse live as it happened, Bret Hart is indeed the new General Manager of the Raw brand. Yes, we are sure. We made Glazer triple-check his DVR and everything. Also, Batista quit on Raw, which we also broke the news on live long after it happened.

-Ring of Honor still has not gone out of business. Any day now.

-Blimpie is offering a free sandwich to all WWE fans. Not to be outdone, TNA is offering free coupons to the Waffle House for all TNA fans who order the upcoming pay per view event, Slammiversary. Representatives from the Waffle House expect to give away as many as three coupons.

-Speaking of blimps, Mick Foley is going to be doing stand up comedy in New Jersey June 10th. “Why did the wrestler cross the road? Because Vince McMahon didn’t appreciate his sacrifices enough.” I guess it’s blue material.

Way Too Long Reviews are coming…

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Charlie Reneke

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  • Paul Marshall

    Who knew Charlie could channel the personalities of Widro, GRUT, and Eric S. all into one? :-)

  • http://N/a Peter

    Nice one Charlie.

  • RobCorpseEater

    Ah,delightful. I especially enjoyed the Flair line.

  • Joe

    The Flair line was classic. Probably will be what happens, sadly enough. No, eff that. If it happens, it wont be sad. There’s enough warning signs, a crappy Micky Rourke movie with warning signs, a guy in the front row with a sign that says “warning” and a unheard of send off by Vince McMahon to keep this guy from ending up just another wrestling statistic and cliche. If he can’t walk away and has to die doing what he loves, it’s his own decision.

  • Gojira64

    Much better than the last.

  • Mark Allen

    Okay that was pretty good Charlie…

  • DC

    ““Why did the wrestler cross the road? Because Vince McMahon didn’t appreciate his sacrifices enough.” I guess it’s blue material.”


  • flamingwombat

    “Who knew Charlie could channel the personalities of Widro, GRUT, and Eric S. all into one? :-)”

    I’ll give you Widro and GRUT, but nobody’s ever come close to Eric S.

  • The Great Gary

    Well, in Japan they speak Japanese not Chinese …

  • DomDom

    Great read as always.

    “I guess it’s blue material.”

    The Chris Jericho rant is pretty awesome as well.

  • Rob S.

    “I’ll give you Widro and GRUT, but nobody’s ever come close to Eric S.”

    Not enough incoherent liberal ranting about the JUNTA?

  • Roadrunner23

    damn…I know now who eric s. is/was, but does somebody have a linke or something where a past column of him is up…I never read anything from him, because I jumped on the pulse bandwagon just 2 years ago.

    btw. this one was way better than the first…I’m ready for another one :)

  • Rob S.

    Just use the Archives menu off to the right. Any year ’08 or prior should have some of us his work as that was around the time he started get scarce. His column was Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc. Or just type the column name into the search bar at the top.

  • ShamanOfHedon

    Everyone and their dog knows Flair is going to die on his 80th birthday in a ring in South Carolina.

  • ReyTheHussein

    First the critique: Too much snark, but…

    “-Ring of Honor still has not gone out of business. Any day now.”

    That made me laugh. You’ve got something going here.

  • sebasitan

    Roadrunner, look in the archives, go back to 2002 or 2003 and find Eric S.

    @ Charlie: Holy cr@p that chop battle was long, freaking A. BTW I like what your doing in your article, your sotive doing what Grut use to do with the new’s post, I mean that in a good way btw, anyway really nice colum, and I hope this thing contiunes…btw on how do I find your radio show?

  • sebasitan

    Charlie have you done Survior Series 1997?

  • Kenisha

    Thank you so much for this artclie, it saved me time!

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