You’re either Nexus or against us.
Love it or hate it, Nickelback is pretty awesome. Yes, I said it. We’re live in Kansas and here comes the Nexus. Wade Barrett is smirking as he tells us that the Nexus lives. There are a few issues from last night’s match. The two people that got involved in his match were Husky Harris and Michael McGillicutty. The second issue was the fact that the Nexus almost got Wade Barrett disqualified. Tonight is not the night for arguments, but it is a night of celebration. He introduces John Cena, who comes out wearing his own purple and yellow attire and no entrance music. Wade reminds him that he has to be true to his word and that being a part of Nexus will be the best thing to happen to him. Tarver takes the microphone and says nothing important, but gives him the Nexus armband.Cena takes off the CeNation armband and he puts on the Nexus one. Heath Slater takes the microphone and he gives John Cena an official statement. Cena takes some time before speaking in monotone. Wade says that since Mark Henry and Evan Bourne want a piece of the Nexus, so Cena’s first task is to choose a partner to face them in tag team action. Cena picks Michael Tarver and the match is now.
John Cena & Michael Tarver v. Mark Henry & Evan Bourne
Cena wants a handshake and Bourne acknowledges. This pisses Tarver off, so Cena tags in Tarver. After some much needed stalling, as if we needed it…Tarver and Bourne go at it and we get a commercial at the most opportune time.
We’re back and Mark Henry and Michael Tarver are trying to entertain this crowd. Tag to Bourne and Bourne gets a two count off a missile dropkick. Cena tries so hard to play by the rules. Evan scores with a kick and we get a tag to Henry. Cena mocks the tag request and Henry continues to decimate Tarver with a front facelock of all moves. He steps on Tarver and he tags in Bourne. Standing moonsault gets two and Cena is wanting a tag, I think. Tarver eats a kick in the corner, but he gives Bourne a belly to belly suplex. He rolls over for a tag, but Cena decides to sign autographs. Tag to Henry and Tarver turns around into a World’s Strongest Slam for the pinfall.
Winners: Mark Henry & Evan Bourne
John Cena has a statement of his own. While he is a member of Nexus, he intends on destroying the Nexus from within. He proceeds on using the microphone on Tarver. Tarver then eats a lariat and Cena does some work with the steel steps. Scoop slam on the steps and Michael Tarver is going to feel that in the morning. Another one hits the dust and Tarver gets tossed in the ring. Cena charges…chop block to Tarver and Cena locks in the STF. The RAW GMail chimes in and Michael Cole reads the stipulation to John Cena and he tells Cena that he must listen to Wade Barrett or Cena would be fired from the company. Cena is beside himself wondering what to do.
Impromptu match forthcoming!
Alicia Fox v. Natalya
Natalya overpowers Alicia to start and quickly locks in the Sharpshooter for the decisive victory.
Edge must apologize to the RAW GMail tonight!
And Johnny Knoxville will be up next!
Commercials (Because we spent 30 boring minutes at the beginning and we needed to catch up.)
the Bella Twins Gail Kim and Melina flirt with Johnny Knoxville while Zack Ryder acts like a tool.
Josh Matthews is with John Cena to get his thoughts about the decree. McGillicutty and Harris round the corner and Cena chases after them and winds up in the Nexus’ locker room. They have a lot to talk about.
Commercials (Because no one is buying our Pay-Per-Views and we decided to add more commercials to make up for lost income. Wrestling on a wrestling show? That’s forbidden!)
Atom Smash is in the crowd. Daniel Bryan is in the ring for another match.
Daniel Bryan v. Sheamus
Bell rings and Sheamus beats the holy hell out of Bryan. Knee to the face repeatedly and we get the DQ.
Winner via DQ: Daniel Bryan
Sheamus nails the High Cross to provide a point. So, we’re to believe that someone that was in Hell for 20 plus minutes can squash someone the next night? Waste of time.
Commercials (Fourth set in the past 15-20 minutes; I’ve ran out of things to say for this atrocity.)
Michael Cole is trying to make us want to care about tonight’s show. We recap John Cena’s troubles from earlier tonight.
Michael Cole is in the ring explaining that the RAW GMail won’t be talking in autotune anymore, but will talk through the “Voice of the WWE”, Michael Cole.
We recap Edge’s frustrations with the RAW GMail.
Michael Cole tries to say that this was unacceptable and that Edge has to come out to apologize and once that apology comes, the fate of the WWE Championship will be revealed. Edge comes out to the ring, ignores Michael Cole’s handshake and he turns face to the crowd. Edge calls the GMail stupid, Michael Cole stupid, and how he would rather listen to J.R. on tape record than Michael Cole. The RAW GMail chimes in again and we’re going to determine the new #1 Contender by having a 20 man Battle Royal and Edge won’t be a part of the Battle Royal because the GMail traded him to SmackDown. The laughter on Cole’s face was creepy. Edge shoots on Michael Cole and Cole looks shocked. Michael Cole gets all pissy and demands some respect from Edge. Edge argues with Cole and is promptly interrupted by the Miz and Alex Riley. Edge calls the Miz an Edge wanna-be. The Miz says that they are not alike, to which Edge says that he was actually WWE Champion. We get some gay jokes to which Alex Riley gives the verbal fellatio on the Miz. Either the Miz will be fighting for the WWE Championship or leading Team RAW to beating SmackDown. Edge calls the Miz a jackass and he introduces the Miz into the podium, knocking the computer off the perch. Spear to Riley and the Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale.
Best segment of the night.
Wade Barrett tells Cena by eliminating Michael Tarver was actually what he wanted. He thanks Cena for taking care of that. Later tonight, all the Nexus members will be a part of the Battle Royal and Cena’s instructions is to make sure Barrett wins at any cost.
The Bella Twins v. LayCool
McCool starts the match and they talk the entire match… Oh my God. This is intolerable. F*ck this Sh*t. The Bellas switch-a-roo McCool and they get the win!
Winners: The Bella Twins
Backstage, Maryse flirts with Johnny Knoxville and Ted DiBiase walks right into the giant hand. Maryse throws shoes at him and the giant hand slaps her on top of him. Sexual innuendo at its finest. It seems the Attitude Era is making a comeback. No? Nevermind.
Someone has a crush on Maryse, as noted in the RAW Rewind.
Justin Roberts intros Johnny Knoxville. He can’t talk. He tries to leave and DiBiase comes out. Knoxville tries to apologize and DiBiase isn’t buying it. He lays the joke on DiBiase and DiBiase decks him before putting him in the Million Dollar Dream.
You. Are. Mine.
DiBiase turns around to Goldust taking him out. He doesn’t want DiBiase nor Maryse…but the Million Dollar Championship. He molests the title.
WWE proudly supports the Make A Wish Foundation.
We once again recap what happened earlier tonight.
David Otunga tries to cheer John Cena up.
We recap Chris Jericho being taken out last week.
#1 Contender’s Battle Royal
Introductions are underway.
We’re back and Bourne is the first casualty. DH Smith is out next and everyone is pairing off. Cena eliminates Regal and Gabriel evades elimination. Santino’s out via the Miz as is Ryder via Mark Henry. Primo Colon is sent out as well. Cena saves Wade Barrett from Elimination and the Nexus gangs up on him. Out goes Henry and the Nexus argues with Cena. Out goes Otunga and they have words with Cena again. Commercial time.
We’re back and the ring cleared out a bit. Cena looks at his next target and it’s Morrison. Cena takes it to DiBiase, but DiBiase turns the tide around. Slater avoids elimination. Morrison eliminates Slater. Cena fights off elimination to save Barrett. Morrison eliminates Tyson Kidd and it’s down to eight. Morrison eliminates the Miz via a hurrancurana and Cena continues to play bodyguard for Barrett. DiBiase and Sheamus work together. Cena gets out of DiBiase’s grasp and he pulls Sheamus off Barrett. Gabriel gets kicked out of the ring and Truth gets taken out as well. DiBiase gets sent out of the ring and it’s down to Sheamus, Cena, Barrett, and Morrison. Sheamus and Cena pair off and Morrison and Barrett pair off in opposite corners. Sheamus tries to eliminate Cena. Barrett gets Wasteland countered and Morrison takes himself out. HERE COMES CENA! Protobomb connects and Cena goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle. A.A. attempt and Sheamus counters to the Irish Curse. Sheamus looks for the Brogue Kick, but he misses. Sheamus gets knocked off the apron and it’s down to Cena and Barrett. Barrett tells Cena to eliminate himself. Cena stands up to Barrett and they get nose to nose. Cena goes over the top rope and is on the apron. After a bit of hesitation, Cena finally drops off.
Winner: Wade Barrett
Here comes Randy Orton and he stares his next challenger down.