The Way Too Long Review of Edge: A Decade of Decadence – Disc Two
by Charlie Reneke on October 19, 2010

Onto the second disc.  Reminder, this is an older review that I simply forgot I wrote.  I’ve cleaned it up somewhat and updated some bits, but it’s still untouched by an editor and so there might be one or two “Thens” instead of “Thans” and various other mistakes.  This is just a filler while I finish the Chris Jericho DVD.  Just sit back and enjoy it.

Match #11: Intercontinental Championship
(c) Randy Orton vs. Edge
7/11/04 Vengeance

This was shortly after Edge’s return from neck surgery.  Upon returning, he teamed with World Champion Chris Benoit to take the tag titles off of Evolution.  He had promised to ‘dismantle’ Evolution.  Fans turn on Edge right out of the gate and chant for the heelish Orton.  That’s just spiteful.  Edge fights off a top-wristlock and gets a headlock.  Shoot off and Edge gets a shoulderblock.  Wristlock by Orton and the fans chant for him again.  This was actually the basis for turning Orton babyface.

Leapfrog sequence leads to Edge getting a shoulderblock to huge boos.  The same thing would happen at Summerslam, in Canada, and lead to him turning heel.  Orton slugs away at Edge and stomps away.  Headlock, shoot off and a criss-cross draws boos from the audience.  Shoulderblock and a headlock takedown by Edge.  Orton fights out but eats a series of shoulderblocks and bails.  Fans boo Orton now.  Edge bails and sneaks up on Orton, smacking him on the ramp.  Edge brawls him back into the ring, shoots him off, but gets sidestepped and dumped over the top by Orton.  Huge boos for Orton on that.  What the hell is going on here?  Orton brawls him to the apron and suplexes him back into the ring for two.  Hair-pull and a stomp by Orton and a choke on the rope.  More stomping while Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross start to have a tiff on commentary, including Lawler asserting that Jim Ross called an escort service.  Ross is legit pissed.  Meanwhile, Orton smacks Edge around some more.  Snapmare into a top keylock.  Edge fights and hits a flying forearm.  Clothesline, clothesline, clothesline, fans are booing Edge again.  Shoot off and Orton holds onto the ropes only to get dumped with a clothesline.  Orton grabs the title belt but gets it baseball-slided into him.  Clothesline off the apron by Edge to the floor.  In the ring, Edge hits a missile dropkick for two.  Edge sets up for the spear, but Orton raises a leg up and knocks Edge out.  Wrap-around backbreaker for two.  To the floor, Orton drags Edge to the apron and smacks him there with overly-animated punches.  Blatant choke and some stomps in the ring.  Fans break out a super loud “Let’s Go Orton” chant.  Neck-wringer by Orton and a legdrop for two.  Fans start an “Orton Sucks” chant now.  They’re in Hartford, not exactly a venue famous for having smart-ass fans.  Maybe they’re all mentally ill.  Knee to the gut and a kneedrop for two.  This is basically Orton’s audition match to see if he’s ready for the main event, so he’s breaking out a variety of moves.  Standing dropkick for two.  Now to the chinlock, which to his credit, he actually slaps on pretty good.  He works the hold through-out.  Edge to his feet and he goes for a neckbreaker but Orton yanks him down by the hair and legdrops him for two.  Clubs to the chest by Orton and another chinlock.  Edge reaches to pull himself off so Orton bites at his hand.  Orton continues to synch up on the chinlock, but the fans have no patience for this and break out a boring chant.  Orton is just using this hold way too long to keep a modern crowd happy, but I think the aim was to have a old-school style match.  Edge finally fights to his feet and hits a crossbody for two.  Rollup for two.  Clothesline by Orton to take advantage.

Orton climbs for a sledge, but he gets dropkicked on the way down.  Shoot off and Edge gets a neckbreaker for a double KO spot.  Both guys up at the count of eight and slug it out on their knees to no reaction.  Jesus, when will people learn that nobody likes that spot?  Edge wins the slugout and gets a Russian legsweep for two.  Shoot-off and Orton goes for a dropkick, but Edge hangs onto the ropes and he wipes out.  Slingshot into the turnbuckle and the Edge-o-Matic gets two.  Orton catches Edge climbing and smacks him around.  Orton botches his end of getting thrown off the ropes and wipes out fairly hard on the ropes.  Edge dives and gets a crossbody, but Orton rolls through it for two.  Thumb to the eye by Orton and he exposes the turnbuckle.  Ref takes the pad away from him but Edge gets a rollup for a long two.  School boy by Orton gets two.  Dropkick for two.  Implant DDT gets two for Edge.  He would drop it shortly afterwards as his finisher.  Ten-punch by Edge but Orton turns it into a snake eyes on the exposed turnbuckle, then rolls him up with his feet on the ropes… for two.  RKO is blocked and Edge goes for the spear.  Orton leapfrogs it and goes for the RKO, turned into a backslide by Edge for two.  Edge reverses a whip by Orton and sends him into the exposed turnbuckle, then spears him down for pin and the title at around 27 minutes.
**** Despite the long chinlock by Orton, this was a pretty cool classic-style wrestling match.  Finishing sequence was hot with lots of well done false-finishes.  Edge would continue to bomb as a babyface, then suffer an injury which would prevent him from doing a double-turn with Edge a few months later.

The mechanics of Edge’s heel turn are completely ignored in this set.

Match #12: Street Fight
Shawn Michaels vs. Edge
2/28/05 Raw

Story is Edge was pissed that Shawn won the vote to get a world title match at Taboo Tuesday and took it, despite being too injured to even stand.  So they had been feuding for a few months to this point.  Brawl to start.  Shawn takes off his belt and whips Edge with it.  He wraps his fist up in it and punches at Edge.  Shawn stomps away and knocks Edge out of the ring.  To the floor, Shawn punches Edge over the guardrail and the fight into the stands doing nothing of note.  Back to the ringside area, Shawn borrows a camera from a fan and takes a picture of Edge in a neato spot, then brawls him around some more.

Shawn grabs a garbage cans and smacks Edge on the head with it.  Shawn pulls out a ladder and sets it up, but Edge clobbers him with a trash can lid.  In the ring, Edge grabs a chair and stands it up.  Shawn fires off a super-hard chop to knock Edge down.  Holy shit, that was a stiff one.  Edge fumbles Michaels going for a DDT on the chair, leading to Shawn cutting himself too deep while he was blading.  Edge quickly fires of a horrible looking DDT on a chair that looked weak, but Shawn has already jigged himself pretty nasty.  We cut to a commercial.

We’re back and Shawn is covered in blood, and it ain’t clotting.  Shawn hits a flying forearm.  Edge looks like he’s bleeding but it’s actually Shawn’s blood.  Shawn grabs the ladder but Edge kicks it into his face.  Edge climbs but Shawn throws the ladder at him to knock him off the top and to the floor.  Suicida by Shawn and his foot sort of gets caught on the ropes, but Edge catches him to prevent him from… dying.

Shawn chops away on Edge and tries to toss him into a ladder in the corner, but Edge puts on the breaks and drop-toeholds him onto the ladder.  It gets two.  Scoopslam by Edge and he climbs the ladder and splashes Shawn, knocking his own breath out.  It gets two.  Edge is having a nervous breakdown over this.  Edge grabs a chair but Shawn catches him and sling-shots him into the ladder.  Shawn grabs the chair and absolutely PLASTERS Edge with a chairshot, unprotected like a baseball swing.  Holy crap, that was disgusting.  Naturally, the WWE shows a replay of it from another angle where it doesn’t look as good.  Kevin Dunn is a total knuckle-dragging retard anymore.  Flying forearm by Shawn, nip-up, atomic drop, clothesline, scoopslam, and Shawn grabs a kendo stick.  He kills Edge with it.  Flying elbow and Shawn’s leg is all twitchy.  Sweet Chin Music misses and Edge crotches Shawn with a chair.  Edge tosses another chair in the ring to set up the conchairto, but Shawn punches him in the balls.  Shawn grabs a chair but Edge spears him… for two.  Edge is practically crying, then he gets that crazy look in his eyes.  He tunes up the band for a spear, but runs into Sweet Chin Music for the pin.  DVD cuts away as soon as the three count is finished.
****1/4 Very entertaining match.  Lots of (somewhat unintentional) gore, lots of very sick weapon shots.  Only thing holding it back was the pacing of a free-TV show.

Match #13: Gold Rush Tournament Finals
Kane vs. Edge
5/16/05 Raw

This was the conclusion to the “Kane marries Lita” storyline and the start of the Lita/Edge era.  Kane stalks Edge around and Edge gets big-booted down.  Fans have a bit of a “You Screwed Matt” chant going directed at Lita.  Makes me wonder if the WWE debuts a character called “Egotistical Psychotic Breakdown” if they’ll chat “You Screwed Matt” at it, since that’s the only explanation left for him.

Blatant choke by Kane.  Lita is kind of laughing at the fans chanting “She’s a crack whore!” at her, or at least trying to.  Edge tries to out brawl Kane and gets dumped over the top rope.  On the floor, Kane beats Edge around and drops him on the exposed guardrail.  Back in, Kane beats him around a bit more and shoots him off.  He lowers his head and gets kicked, but shrugs it off and punches him down again.  Edge to the apron where he gives Kane a hangman.  He tries to slug it out with Kane but gets thrown to the corner and chokes him a bit.  The ref moves Kane out of the way which gives Edge a chance to punch Kane in the balls.  Ref doesn’t see it, and now Edge has advantage.  He gets baseball-slided out of the ring as we cut to a commercial.  I have nothing to shill so just picture the type of stuff they advertise on Raw.

Go ahead, do it.

Come on, do it.

If you don’t, it’s like you’re stealing this recap.

OK, fine, don’t.

Thief.

We’re back.  During the break, Kane got a powerbomb off the ropes but Edge clipped Kane’s knee and has a grapevine on him.  Kane breaks, but Edge keeps working the knee.  Chopblock by Edge, and Kane is selling it good to his credit.  Kane bails to the floor so Edge comes off the apron with a sledge, then drops an elbow to Kane’s knee.  Kane gets back in so Edge stomps him off the ropes.  Kane kicks back, using the good leg, so Edge kicks at the bad one.  Psychology, gotta love it.  He goes back to the grapevine, but Kane does axe kicks to Edge to a good reaction.  Excellent spot.  Edge is knocked out and so Kane brawls him into the corner.  Running clothesline hits, but Edge tries to fight back.  He comes off the ropes but gets punched down by Kane for two.  Snake eyes and a clothesline for two.  Edge-O-Matic saves for Edge, but he charges right into a chokeslam attempt.  Edge pushes the referee off to break the hold and hits the implant DDT for two.  He’s pissed.  He sets up for a spear Kane side steps.  Another spear attempt but Kane catches him with a sidewalk slam.  Kane goes for a tombstone but Edge shoves him off into the referee to wipe him out.  Spear by Edge but there’s no ref.  Zombie-sit-up by Kane, so Edge grabs the money in the bank briefcase.  He charges Kane but gets big-booted down.  Lita has the briefcase.  Kane climbs but Lita tosses Edge the briefcase to complete her heel turn.

I imagine the flow chart for Lita’s heel turn went something like this: STEP ONE: Fuck Edge, STEP TWO, Get Caught by Matt, STEP THREE, Get Matt Fired, STEP FOUR, Leak the whole incident to the internet so that everyone but Kane knows I’m fucking Edge, STEP FIVE, Turn on Kane, heel turn complete!

I love wrestling.  Anyway, Kane goes for the flying clothesline but Edge knocks out Kane on the way down with the case and covers for the pin.

***1/2 Not a bad little match.  Jim Ross nearly has a heart attack on commentary afterwards.

Just to rub it all in, the DVD has a skit on the Matt/Edge feud.  Despite Matt’s psychotic attitude that got him fired in 2010, I still have a feeling this whole thing was an elaborate work.  I think Edge really did have an affair with Lita, but all the firing stuff that followed was bullshit.  Why?  Because it just worked out too conveniently for all parties involved.  Edge is not exactly setting the world on fire as a heel.  Meanwhile, Lita is a total bust as Kane’s valet.  Both are in career limbo, and then there’s Matt Hardy, who is stale following his babyface turn after they dropped the Version One stuff.

Then Lita fucks Edge behind Matt’s back.  Matt figures it out, gets into it with Edge backstage.  The writers witness it, a lightbulb goes off and all three are launched into new career highs as a result.  Again, it couldn’t have worked out more perfectly, and how often do affairs play out that way, in front of the world, with results that positive to EACH PERSON’S PROFESSIONAL CAREER?  It’s just not possible.

Match #14: Street Fight
Edge vs. Matt Hardy
8/29/05 Raw

Slugoff to start.  It spills out of the ring and into the audience.  They fight there a bit, then Matt tosses Edge over the guardrail and back to the ringside area.  Matt drops a sledge on him and tosses him back into the ring.  Matt clobbers Edge with a trashcan lid, then grabs a ladder.  Baseball slide by Edge hits the ladder into Matt as we cut to a commercial.

We’re back with Matt smacking Edge around.  During the break, Matt hit a superplex.  Usually they time those spots real good so you don’t miss much during the commercial.  Edge charges at Matt but gets plastered in the face again with a trashcan.  Matt whips Edge into the ladder twice and sets it up.  He climbs, and so does Edge.  Matt fights Edge off and drops a leg on him off the ladder for two.  Matt grabs a chair but Edge grabs a kendo stick and smacks Matt in the ribs and head with it.  Another kendo shot to the back.  Edge sets up for the conchairto but Matt sweeps his legs out.  Edge hotshots Matt into the ladder, then grabs a trash can lid and unloads on Matt.  The ref threatens to call the match over like he did at Summerslam two weeks prior, but Matt tells him not to.  Edge puts Matt’s head between the stairs and the ring post and tries to murder him, but Matt moves his head.  Allegedly.  Didn’t look like he moved it.

Edge preps the stairs and goes for the implant DDT on them, but Matt fights him off and hits his own DDT for a double KO spot on the outside.  Matt grabs a chair and goes to conchairto Edge on the stairs, but Lita hits Matt with the money in the bank briefcase.  Matt stalks Lita around and gets wiped out by Edge.  They brawl around on the outside some more.  Matt takes advantage and wipes out Edge with a ladder in the ring.  Matt climbs and goes for a moonsault on the ladder but misses and eats it.  Back to the outside, where Edge whacks Matt with a garbage can a few times.  Edge brawls Matt around a bit more, aiming for the head to try and knock Matt out.  They brawl up the ramp, where Matt throws Edge into the metal set.  He sets up Lita for a powerbomb off the stage, but Edge saves.  Edge tries to slam Matt off the stage but Matt saves.  Edge tries to spear Matt off the stage but gets sidestepped.  Matt finishes it by gives Edge a side effect off the ramp and onto the sound equipment, with added spark effects.  Match is over.  Both guys do a stretcher job.  Jerry Lawler bails from the announce table to sell it.  You know, kind of like he did when Owen Hart actually fell to his death on pay per view.  It’s so obnoxious that they keep trying to recreate that… I don’t know… magic moment I guess.  You can accuse the WWE of a lot of things, but having class isn’t one of them.
*** Not a bad street fight.  Ending sucked.

Match #15: WWE Championship
(c) John Cena vs. Edge
1/8/06 New Year’s Revolution

We join the Elimination Chamber match that preceded this in progress.  Final three is Carlito, Chris Masters, and John Cena.  I’m writing this on January 8th, 2008, two years to the day of this match.  Since then, Masters has been fired, Carlito went on to job for most of those two years before teaming with his brother to win the tag titles, and Cena is still the main event world champion.  Yeesh.  Masters gives Cena a DDT on the steel flooring, then decides to get Carlito up instead of making the cover.  Carlito and Masters double team Cena, who is bloodied up.  Fans chant “Cena Sucks” while the heels beat him up.  Double super-backdrop off the ropes.  Masters wants Carlito to cover, but Carlito tells Masters to give him the Masterlock instead.  Masters does, allowing Carlito to double cross him and punch him in the nuts.  Carlito with a schoolboy to pin Masters.  Carlito gives him that “what can I say?” look, then gets school-boyed by Cena for the pin and the win.

BUT WAIT~!! Here comes Vince McMahon.  He offers congratulations for Cena (fans boo), then announces that Edge is cashing in his money in the bank contract.  Huge pop from the fans who know that Cena’s time is up.

Edge is out and Cena can barely stand.  Edge pounces and slugs away at Cena and covers for two and two.  Stomps by Edge, and then he sets up for the spear and hits it… for two.  Oh come on.  Another spear gives Edge the pin and his first of many WWE Championships.
No rating as this was a title-change angle, not a proper match.  But this was an awesome moment.

Match #16: Street Fight
Mick Foley vs. Edge
4/2/06 Wrestlemania 22

Edge tries to attack with a baseball bat to start but Mick fights off with a facebuster.  Tree of Woe to Edge and an elbow drop to the face.  Edge fights back with a running high kick and a clothesline.  Lita grabs a cookie sheet and tosses it to Edge.  He tees off on Foley’s face with it, and with a road sign.  Baseball slide into the sign into Foley’s face.  Edge tries to end it with a spear and he hits it, but Foley is wearing barbed wire on his chest.  Edge is bleeding big time from his shoulders while Foley cuts the wire loose and whips Edge with it.

Foley slugs away and Edge ends up tangled in the ropes.  Foley has a barbed wire baseball bat hidden under the ring stairs.  With Edge tied up, Foley gets ready to swing but Lita grabs his back, so Foley hits a Cactus Jack Clothesline and all three fly over the top ropes.  Cover on the outside for two.  Swinging neckbreaker on the floor for two.  Foley goes for the charge against the stairs but Edge springs up and hiptosses Mick into the stairs.  Edge brawls Foley around the ring and then whips him SUPER HARD into the stairs, with Foley hitting the stairs harder then I’ve ever seen him.  Foley back in the ring, but he tries to roll out, so Edge baseball slides him out and grabs a table.  Edge sets him up on the table, but Foley rolls off, so Edge jumps down and attacks him, ramming him hard into the steel ramp way for two.

Back in the ring, Edge gets some lighter fluid and douses Foley in it.  Mick fights back with some shots and the stump-piledriver for two.  Foley goes for the conchairto but Lita makes the save and Edge DDTs him for two.  Edge grabs the barbed wire bat and hits Foley with it a couple times, then a shot right to the face.  Foley’s bleeding now.  Good shots with the bat too… he barely held back.  Bulldog onto the bat for two.  So Edge reveals that he too hid weapons under the steel stairs, in this case a bag of thumb tacks.  Edge coats the ring in tacks then goes to plant Foley in them, but Mick reverses with a backdrop suplex on the tacks.  Fucking OUCH!  Mick grabs Mr. Socko, then wraps him in barbed wire, and actually hits the move!  Fans gasp for that one.  Then Lita tries to stop him and eats the barbed Socko.  She’s bleeding from the mouth.  Foley grabs the barbed bat and tees off.  Shots right between the eyes and a running elbow drop type move with the bat.  Foley is feeling good, knowing he’s got something special going in this match.  He grates the bat against Edge’s head.  Foley grabs the lighter fluid and pours it on the table, but Lita hits him in the balls with the bat.  The table gets set on fire and Edge spears Foley through the ropes, off the apron, and into the flaming table.  Nothing but net.
****1/4 Good garbage brawl, not as good on second viewing as it was live.  Mick Foley was disappointed that this wasn’t the “Wrestlemania Moment” he had hoped for.  I have no clue what more he could have wanted.

Match #17
Terry Funk, Tommy Dreamer, & Beulah McGillicutty vs. Mick Foley, Edge, & Lita
6/11/06 One Night Stand

I think this was the point where Foley fell off his rocker.  His third book with WWE, “Hardcore Diaries”, is more or less dedicated entirely around this match, as if it was the selling point of this show.  It wasn’t even close.  Granted, the concept of the book seems to have been “I had a series of good ideas, and the WWE fucked them all up” but come on… like anyone in their right mind thought Edge and Foley facing off against life-long WWE jobber Tommy Dreamer, his wife (who had never showed her face in the WWE before), and 62-year-old Terry Funk would be a major draw for the show where Rob Van Dam was pretty much guaranteed to win the WWE Championship from the much hated John Cena.

Anyway, I’m totally blanking on every aspect of this match for some reason so this might as well be my first viewing.  Foley is doing a lame version of his ECW evil goody-two shoes shtick.  He grabs a mic and recycles some lines from that 1996 run.  Fans groan through-out.  They don’t have time for this shit.  They’re all working in their heads how to murder John Cena and get away with it.  He even failed to get some decent cheap heat by proclaiming that he misses the days when Stephanie McMahon owned ECW.  If a line like that doesn’t get the mutants pissed at you, then maybe you should rethink the situation.  Edge gets on the stick and calls the fans hopeless nerds who worship Paul Heyman as if he was Santa Claus.  Lita gets on the stick and calls Tommy the “Innovator of Silence” while the fans chant “She’s a crack whore!”  Fans have enough of her on the stick and change it to “Shut the Fuck Up!” with a dose of “She has herpes” thrown in there.

Meanwhile, the train wreck continues as Tommy, Beulah, and Funk get what I would describe as a sarcastic reaction.  One of those “we’re cheering because we’re not total dickheads” reactions.  Beulah gets on the stick and talks about what Lita puts in her mouth.  Lita being the total waste of carbon that she is totally fucks up her reaction to it, acting all shocked despite the fans singing about her having STDs.  Anyway, she demands the match be made into a six-man match on the grounds that someone has to take the fall and it might as well be her.  She didn’t actually say it like that, but I can read between the lines.

To the match.  Edge starts with Dreamer.  A whole lot of nothing to start.  Foley tags in and jaws with Dreamer, demanding a tag to Funk.  Funk does come in and slaps Foley with some feeble shots.  Foley tells Edge that he’s not happy to be here and he wants to leave.  This somehow creates a six way brawl.  Funk and Foley brawls while Dreamer tosses Edge.  Funk can barely move and throws a chair at Mick.  A whole bunch of weapons come in the ring allowing the babyfaces to hobble around and make a lot of loud noises with them against the skulls of the heels.  This is so tragic to watch.  Just so very, very awful.  Edge plasters Dreamer with a cookie sheet, while Foley gets the best of Funk.  Fans chant “ECW” but in reality they really want this to get over quickly.

Foley beats on Funk on the aisle while Edge props a ladder up in the ring.  He charges for the spear but gets hiptossed into the ladder.  Fans clap like the trained seals that they are.  Funk fumbles around with Foley and slams him into the stairs.  Terry tries to do his ‘spinning ladder’ routine and it’s so sad looking… I seriously am considering skipping this match.  It’s just too painful.  Terry climbs the ladder but Edge tips it over.  Dreamer calls for the Dreamer Driver on Edge but Lita saves.  Fans occupy themselves with crass chanting.  Foley and Edge grab a plywood board that’s covered in barbed wire.  Interesting prop.  They slam it on top of Dreamer.  When they pull it off of him, it sticks to him.  They go to slam it on him again but Funk trips them out… I guess.  That looked awful.  Dreamer’s arms aren’t even bleeding, and his face only has a small trickle going down it.  ECW fans being the sick mother fuckers that they are chant “WE WANT FIRE!”  Classic.

Now to more random brawling while the fans chant “THIS IS AWESOME!”  Okay, that *has* to be sarcasm.  It’s tough to read the ECW fans.  Funk gets thrown into the barbed wire board, then Lita hands Foley a roll of barbed wire.  He wraps it around his hand and beats Terry up with it, including grinding it into his eye.  This draws a “YOU SICK FUCK!” chant.  Funk is taken away by medics.  Fans chant for Sandman but he ain’t coming.  Foley with a barbed wire baseball bat now.  He smacks Tommy with it, then Lita legdrops it into his balls.  Well that’s just retarded.  Why not stop it on there?  Foley pulls out Mr. Socko and gives it to Beulah, leading to Tommy going nuts on Foley.  Edge saves and then Tommy eats the claw.  Spear on Tommy.  Foley calls for the cover, but Edge refuses.  He wants Beulah instead.  He bends her over like he’s going to give it to her doggy style, I kid you not, but Terry Funk returns very… very… slowly… with his eye all wrapped up, carrying a 2×4 wrapped in barbed wire.

Double low blows from Tommy Dreamer to the heels, giving Funk the chance to ‘hit’ them with the 2×4.  Those shots would likely not crack an egg.  The 2×4 gets lit on fire.  He hits Foley with it, causing his flannel jacket to catch fire.  Foley is then tossed off the apron into the barbed wire board.  Edge tosses Funk off the apron into Foley on the barbed wire board.  Then, Tommy Dreamer sneaks up on him and trips him down, then tries to garrote him with barbed wire.  By gawd, Dreamer really is the innovator of violence.  Attempted murder, in wrestling?  Clearly Chris Benoit was taking notes while watching this match and clearing his calendar for the next year.

I’m sure that crossed a line or two.

Lita saves, leading to Beulah getting into it with her.  Dreamer gets all wide-eyed and gives Lita the Dreamer Driver.  Edge returns the attempted murder by giving Tommy the Edge-o-Matic using barbed wire wrapped around Dreamer’s neck.  Spear to Beulah, and then Edge pins her using what looks like the missionary position for the win to end one of the most classy matches this reviewer has ever seen.
DUD Final count: two confirmed attempts at outright murder, two instances of simulated rape, and fans chanting stuff that would make a longshoreman blush with shame.  Goddamn I love professional wrestling.

Match #18: WWE Championship
(c) Rob Van Dam vs. Edge vs. John Cena
7/3/06 Raw

So Van Dam won the WWE Championship at One Night Stand and went on to make headlines.  Sadly, those headlines involved getting arrested for drug possession.  According to the WWE Wellness Policy, any person arrested for drug possession faces immediate termination, but because RVD was only caught with five hydrocodone pills and a few grams of weed, it was decided that he would just get the standard 30 day suspension.  Sabu, also arrested with RVD, got the same treatment.  Both were gone from the company less then a year later.  Trust me, if Vince McMahon was given the option now between RVD winning at One Night Stand or John Cena winning and having a full scale riot break out, he would take the riot.  At least that way, it’s the fans getting arrested and not his talent.

To the match, where RVD gets practically no reaction.  Mind you, they’re in Philadelphia here.  Fans actually do chant “You fucked up” to him.  Meanwhile, a sign is blurred out.  “Toxic Dead ______” not sure the last word.  Anyway, the faces double team Edge.  Fans boo everything Cena does, naturally.  Cena hits a fall away suplex and dumps Cena.  We cut to a commercial.

We’re back, and Cena is getting smacked around by RVD.  Van Dam sets up for a superplex, but Edge knocks Cena off the ropes and rolls up RVD with his feet on the ropes for two.  Rollup by RVD for two.  Cartwheel splash by Van Dam for two.  Shoot off but Cena wipes out Edge and tosses him into the stairs on the outside.  Van Dam hits a plancha on Cena, then tosses him in the ring and covers for two.  RVD flips off the ropes but Cena catches him and goes for the FU, but Edge gives him a hand.  Cena goes for a suplex on Edge but RVD comes off the ropes and nearly kills Edge by hitting a crossbody on it.  RVD goes for… something… but gets caught by Edge and Cena in a spinebuster.  Cena and Edge then knock each other out with a clothesline for a three way KO spot.  Ugh.  It’s a triple threat match!  They’re designed NOT to have those.  I’m guessing it was designed for a commercial break, but we’re not having one.

Everyone recovers.  RVD knocks out Cena, but gets dumped by Edge.  Clotheslines by Cena, a shoulderblock, and the protoplex from Cena.  Mixed reaction.  Five knuckle shuffle and an FU to the outside.  Edge lands on his feet because he’s not totally insane.  Lita runs in with a chair but gets FUed.  Van Daminator to Cena and he climbs for the five star frog splash, but it misses and RVD knocks himself out.  Must have gotten too high for that one.  See what I did there?  FU to Van Dam, but Edge knocks out Cena with the title belt and pins RVD to win his second WWE Championship.  Reaction from some of the fans are priceless.  Jim Ross has a heart attack on commentary.  Edge ignores the fact that Lita is out cold while he celebrates with the belt.  Gold.
*1/4 Pretty bleh three way.

The second disc contains some BONUS MATCHES.  What the hell?  How are they bonus matches if we paid for them?

Match #19
Adam Copeland vs. Christian Cage
11/10/97 Raw Dark Match

Edge and Matt Striker provide commentary for this one, and kayfabe is ignored.  Edge starts with a headlock.  Shoot off while the lights mess around.  A few armdrags but Christian sandbags him on one.  A weird shoot-off sequence leads to Edge getting an armbar.  Shoot off by Christian who goes for a monkey flip but Edge lands on his feet and gets a dropkick.  Head scissors into a rana by Edge who gets two.  Spinheel kick by Christian for two.  Chops by Christian but it gets reversed by Edge who smacks him around.  Christian charges but gets kicked.  He gets a powerslam anyway for two and two.  Edge gets hung up on the middle rope and Christian drops a leg off the top onto him for two.  Christian climbs but misses a diving headbutt.  Shoot off by Edge and he gets a thunder bomb and a dropkick.  Edge climbs but gets crotched on the rope.  Superplex by Christian is blocked and he gets dropped on his face.  Crossbody off the top gets two for Edge.  Spiral Bomb finishes for Edge.
*1/2 typical dark match.

Match #20: Intercontinental Championship
(c) Jeff Jarrett vs. Edge
7/24/99 House Show

Story here is that Ken Shamrock ditched this show, where he had been advertised to wrestle Jarrett for the IC belt.  Edge and Christian wrestled the APA in the opening match and Edge got such a big reaction in his home town of Toronto that the WWE said “You know what, Edge, you’re taking the IC title tonight.”  So the fourth match in, this happens.  It was also done to increase House Show sales, proving that titles can and will change hands at house shows in the future.  And unlike WCW, who ignored Chris Benoit and Booker T having multiple TV Championship title changes between each other over the course of a week of houseshows, WWE credits Edge with a reign here.  Video and sound quality is poor for this match.  The WWE just happened to be training a new camera crew at the time and was using this series of house shows to do it.  Neato, eh?

Edge comes out after the Fink announces Shamrock is a no-show.  Jarrett pounces him and beats him up.  Spinheel kick and a backslide by Edge gets two.  Rollup gets two.  Camera crew has no clue what they’re doing.  Jarrett bails, Edge calls him a pussy, so Jeff comes back and beats him up.  Well, that’s what you get for opening your big mouth.  He brawls him on the outside, then drags him in and slaps on a sleeper.  Edge and Striker are on commentary making fun of Edge’s hair.  Edge gets his own sleeper, then turns it into a backdrop suplex for a double KO.

Both guys are up and slug it out.  Jarrett lowers his head into a neckbreaker.  Edge comes off the ropes but Jarrett rolls out of the way.  Edge knows this some he gets down and hits a small package for two.  Powerbomb for two.  Tornado DDT for two as Debra gets on the apron.  Jarrett acts like he’s going to hit Edge, who moves out of the way.  Jarrett puts on the breaks before he hits Debra, then gets speared by Edge.  Cover, pin, new champ, fans go nuts.  Officials claim that he’s not the real champion because the match was no sanctioned or something, but Blackjack Lanza comes down and somehow has the authority to claim it’s a title match.  Okay.  Not that it mattered much.  He dropped the belt the next night back to Jeff Jarrett on the Fully Loaded PPV.

* Quick and easy.

THE STORY THUS FAR: Overall match quality picked up during the second disc.  I will say that watching a marathon of Edge matches has kind of clued me into the fact that he’s pretty overrated in the ring.  He’s far from talentless, but he’s not a particularly good worker.  We have one disc left to go and it will hit Inside Pulse tomorrow.



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Charlie Reneke

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  • BattleBowl 92

    what’s lamer than wwe trying to recreate the moment of owen hart dying in the ring? The fact that for them to do that it means people are watching that event! I watched it live, have the vhs i was recording of it, and hold onto it strictly for completion purposes. I’ve never put it back into a vhs and doubt i ever will… you know what’s fun? watching a professional wrestling event where a guy falls from the roof into the ring, suffocates on his own blood flooding his lungs, being wheeled down the aisle, and watching Debra sobbing in the ring three minutes later as she tries to go through the motions of her heel entrance… good times

  • DomDom

    You’re complaining about class during a wrestling match.

    Words fail me.

  • Sebastian Howard

    Uh, wow BattleBowl92, ya, it was pretty fucked up, um, I feel kind’ve disturbed as I didn’t know thats exactlay what happend.

  • Viv Endi

    “what’s lamer than wwe trying to recreate the moment of owen hart dying in the ring?”

    I’m gonna go with Charlie’s repetitive benoit jokes. First time shocking/funny, 2nd time still funny, but not as much…fortieth time? YAWN! Get some new material, kid.

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