Steven is quickly becoming the star of these roundtables and at least when it comes to TNA, his writings are far more superior to anything that comes from this promotion. So before we move to regular staff picks, heeeeeeeeeere’s Steven:
A Visit from TNA – Final Resolution 2010
(apologies to Clement Clark Moore)
â€˜Tis the show before Christmas, and all through the site
The InsidePulsers are shaking, nervous with fright
The card even looks good, if booked with great care
But none hold much hope with Vince Russo in there
Immortals and Fourtune all snug and in charge
With no obvious saviour there looming largeâ€¦
For the title Hardy and Morgan are facing off
â€œOh, forgone conclusion!â€ I hear you loudly scoff
And with the brand new, vomit inspired belt
Those feelings are likely very well felt
Joe against Jarrett is a hard one to call
With submissions meaning no one takes the fall
Referee distraction, and Joe gets knocked out
Fake sub win, this feud will go on, have no doubt
Abyss and the Pope fight over a coffin
Thereâ€™s a reason this doesnâ€™t happen too often
Itâ€™s Undertakerâ€™s match (he loses it a lot)
I think Pope wins this to one of the nightâ€™s weak pops
Rob Van Dam and Rhino want to go out and bleed
After PG-TV, some now think itâ€™s this they need
I think RVDâ€™s next after Hardyâ€™s crown
I donâ€™t think thereâ€™s any way heâ€™s going down
Hardcore – such a passÃ© term in this day and age
Full Metal Mayhem, thatâ€™s gonna be all the rage!
With chairs and with tables and with ladders galore
With trays and with signs and with so very much more!
So the â€˜Guns and Bucks beat each other stupid
Either could win, but I think the Guns will do it
Now a womenâ€™s match that has us all really care
Tara and Mickie James, falls count anywhere
These two will fight and brawl and the crowd will go wild
They make the â€˜Eâ€™s Divas seem so damn mild
Theyâ€™ll go through the crowd, backstage and out again
After itâ€™s over, Mickie will eke out the win
Styles is so wasted as the champ of TV
At least with Williams the match is worthwhile to see
Is this angle advancement or something just there
Styles has been so misused I find I do not care
Oh, X-Division, what has happened to you?
Now with pop culture wannabes, a shark cage too?
I sense overbooking and a right royal mess
I just hope Lethal can bring out Robbieâ€™s best
TNA believes in tag teams, something thatâ€™s right
And Beer Money / Ink Inc could be match of the night
The match will be hard fought from every side
But I expect a beer bottle to turn the tide
As a show it looks good, and watch it I will
I just hope Iâ€™ll feel good at the end of it still
And so to TNA I say with good cheer
Happy Christmas and I hope it gets better next year!
Rob Van Dam
Motor City Machine Guns
Chris Biscuiti: There is no doubt in my mind that Jeff Hardy will retain the TNA Championship, and I’m sure this main event will be chock filled with interference, twists, turns, and swerves. I think it would be a huge mistake for Anderson to turn full heel here, but something tells me we are going to get the whole “you stole my spot” scenario. That would be a HUGE mistake, which is exactly why it will happen.
Winner and still champion: Jeff Hardy
Raffi Shamir: Matt Morgan is good enough and credible enough to be TNA champion. The problem is timing. His feud with Kurt Angle culminated just before the Hogan/Bischoff takeover and now he’s feuding with Hardy, who’s in the early stages of what will probably be a long title reign (Because it doesn’t seem like Hardy will stand trial any time soon). Too bad for him. Hardy as champion has still not grown on me and the personalized belt doesn’t help. At least Cena’s (former) spinner belt has WWE’s logo as the main element, not Cena’s face. So the winner is decided by the belt.
Winner: Jeff Hardy
Chris Biscuiti: Jeff Jarrett has actually stumbled upon something genuinely funny with this whole MMA gimmick. I actually think its borderline genius, at least for TNA. With that said, Joe desperately needs to win here, if for no other reason than to reestablish his character as a winner rather than a sore loser.
Winner: Samoa Joe
Raffi Shamir: If Joe doesn’t win here, he might as well ask for his release.
Chris Biscuiti: I hope The Pope wins, but this is the kind of match that seems right in Abyss’ character’s wheelhouse. Honestly, this has been a very weak angle that almost makes me happy that TNA will likely forget it ever happened next week.
Raffi Shamir: There’s a troll on a message board that I frequent, who claims that everything WWE does is an imitation of TNA (And before I get any comments about it, he’s not a troll because he likes TNA but because he acts like a troll) . For example, he claimed that the recent onscreen romantic hints between John Morrison and Melina are a ripoff of Chris Sabin and Velvet Skye. Yet, when TNA puts on a PPV, at this specific timing, with a face wrestler as the special referee for the main event, a casket match and what is for all intents and purposes a TLC match, he says nothing. Caskets were never a part of TNA, until this feud, and there’s no reason for this gimmick here.
Chris Biscuiti: RVD will make Rhino bleed first, the ref won’t see it, and then Rhino will make RVD bleed to get the win.
Raffi Shamir: When will RVD finally get his one on one title match against Hardy? My guess â€“ after he beats Rhino.
Chris Biscuiti: This could easily be the match of the night, and I expect MCMG and GenMe to deliver the goods yet again. TNA’s tag division truly is their saving grace.
Winners and still champions: Motor City Machineguns
Raffi Shamir: I loved their previous match and with the added gimmick, these two teams are likely to steal the show here. With a WWE show called TLC coming in two weeks the timing may seem suspicious, but I believe that this match will be better than any gimmick match on WWE’s upcoming show.
Chris Biscuiti: I have really bought into Tara and Mickie lately, and I have loved their increasingly intense brawls that actually make the Falls Count Anywhere stipulation seem like a natural progression rather than a forced situation. Sidenote: Props to Sarita for stepping up her game too. It looks like the Knockouts are finally starting to get back on track after losing Gail Kim, Awesome Kong and ODB.
Winner: Mickie James
Raffi Shamir: Second straight PPV where the Knockouts champion, who’s a homegrown TNA talent does not defend her title while two former WWE divas get a match. Need I say more?
Winner: Mickie James
Chris Biscuiti: Douglas Williams and Kazarian have shown some chemistry over the past few weeks, so I would have actually made this a triple threat match between Kaz, Douglas, and AJ. This would have also made the dynamic of the match more interesting, considering Kaz is going to intervene anyway to cost Williams in this spot.
Winner and still champion: AJ Styles
Raffi Shamir: Can you imagine Randy Orton or John Cena holding the WWE US Championship for a prolonged period of time, and not as a way to enhance as certain storyline? Me neither, and that’s my problem with AJ Styles holding the TV Championship. TNA may have wanted Styles to give credibility to this title but it’s not working and it’s clear to everyone watching that Styles is slumming it by holding this title rather being in a main event level feud. That’s another proof that TNA management still considers their homegrown talent to be inferior to former WWE/WCW guys. I’ll change my mind when Sting or Kurt Angle will hold this title.
Chris Biscuiti: This past Thursday’s Fistpump Challenge was actually pretty funny all the way around, from Taz’ commentary and Jeremy Borash’s serious approach to the proceedings to Robbie E’s actual fistpumping and Jay Lethal’s smart attack on Robbie. Cookie has really developed into a heel manager that actually is valuable to the wrestler she supports, which is an actual breath of fresh air in modern day wrestling. Lethal should go over here to prove this exact point, since Cookie will be suspended above the ring and won’t be able to help Robbie E. Of course, she’ll probably get out anyway, but I still think Lethal takes it.
Winner and new champion: Jay Lethal
Raffi Shamir: I still can’t stand Robbie and Cookie and I weep for the state of the X Division. At least Vince Russo waited twice the mandatory waiting period for recycled storylines, as 14 years have passed since the match where Paul Bearer was locked in a cage above the ring.
Winner: Robbie E
Chris Biscuiti: This is a nice bonus match to add to the proceedings. Beer Money have been solid for years now, and Ink Inc. has grown on me a little bit more since, believe it or not, the Jesse Neal profile/clips that aired on TNA Reaction. Yup, if you get rid of all of the nonsense that is most of Reaction, there are usually 10 or 15 minutes worth watching, if you can find those moments. My hope for this match is Beer Money wins clean with no interference from Fortune.
Winners: Beer Money
Raffi Shamir: When in doubt, go back to what worked. The first few rounds of MCMG vs. Beer Money were nothing short of amazing, and I’m afraid TNA will not resist the urge to go back to that well, even if it is too soon.
Winners: Beer Money
Join us on Pulse Wrestling on Sunday night for full live coverage of TNA Final Resolution 2010.
Tags: Abyss, AJ Styles, beer money, casket match, Cookie, douglas williams, First Blood, Generation Me, ink inc., Jay Lethal, Jeff Hardy, jeff jarrett, Matt Morgan, Mickie James, Motor City Machineguns, mr anderson, Pope D'Angelo Dinero, Rhino, Rob Van Dam, Robbie E, RVD, Samoa Joe, Submission Match, Tara, TNA, TNA Final Resolution, TNA Heavywieght Championship, TNA Tag Team Championship, TNA Television Championship, TNA TV CHampionship, TNA X Division Championship