Saturday Evening Post – 03.15.11 (The Rock, John Cena, Jeff Hardy, Mania)
by FLEA on March 15, 2011

Hello. It’s FLEA. Beware the Ides of March. Any idea what that means out there, catfish? That’s when a lotta Romans got together and decided that a knife to Julius Caesar’s back was a fun party
 
Which moves quite nicely into St Patty’s day (the 17th). It’s hard to worry about your friends doing you in when it’s YOUR responsibility to perform that job. Not with a knife, but with obscene amounts of booze. All means to an end. I’d always prefer Death by Misadventure to a brutal stabbing, but the one thing the social media has taught me is that some people have gots some weird fetishes. Go you own way
 
Today we will look at Monday’s RAW and maybe throw some Jeff Hardy in there. I think people tend to over-react to his lifestyle, as no concern is given to it by the parties in charge. If he survives the Ides and St. Patty’s, then he should definitely be a main eventer until he drops dead in the ring. Or until Sting kills him
 
Off we go…
 
Top 3 of 6 – Monday Night Raw
 
NUMBER ONE
 
THE ROCK
 
1) At least he didn’t bring out a midget. Some kid. I would say that they are strangling a golden egg goose, but the pop for Cena later disputed that. OK - say you are 12-13 years old. Some of you may be, BOSS is a dope fiend and MM wants me to post my own columns. OF COURSE WE CATER TO THAT AUDIENCE. Rock-E made you look like a nerd. 
 
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for this. Back in the day, standing around the water cooler (which I never did, but I went to bars)…I wish I had a dollar for everytime I heard “IT DOESN’T MATTER, et al. IF you can’t proudly wear and chant for Cena, then give up. I love him. Purple is the color of royalty, and I am King, by gawd
 
2) When Rock had to change gears, the brought the sinister music. HEY MIZ – yeah you. I’ll be there, if you smell…..lalalalalalalalalalalalala…that ship has sailed for me.
 
3) If WWE is not building something from this, then I hope the worst
 
NUMBER TWO
 
VICKIE AND WHY I LOVE HER
 
!) Did you see her channeling Eddy? I’ve said that before so, no, i’m not ripping you off, chum……..p. Just fantastic
 
2) Best ladies event in a good long time and it got that midget Snooki involved. See, fellas, they call Vickie fat and then trot out that trollop that starts at the neck and ends and the feet. Nice reaction, although she ended her scripted promo with a preposition, instead of on script, because she is from Jersey and can’t help it. Springsteen’s idear, she ain’t
 
3) HD is not good on a certain Canadian woman, I’m told. I blew it off the first time but now I agree…good segue into:
 
 
WHERE DOES HYATTE STAND
 
After years of petty jealousy and a phone call out of the blue where he was denied to the point of cutting his throat, my good friend Chris Hyatte reached out. Hi-Rate and I have been in regular contact again, via phone…he always has an opinion and I thought I would include a few…. 
 
Where Does Hyatte Stand On:
 
Uprising in the Middle East?
 
“America has it’s own problems. Stay out. But get the fucking oil first. Hybrid cars, my ass.”  
 
Cooking?
 
“Nice, relaxing hobby. Anyone who opens a restaurant is a dick. But groceries ain’t cheap.? You almost have to go out of your way to steal these days”
 
Just a brief interlude with Our Man Hyatte. Stay tuned for more
 
NUMBER THREE
 
COLE, CHICKENSHITS AND THE BEST ANGLE IN YEARS
 
1) Ever since the ANON GM, Cole has increasingly been a peckerhead. This week he got both JR and Lawler, introducing the WWE Universe to 1a) Grand Master Sexay and 2a) his “anklelock”
 
1a) Part II – I always loved Sexay – comes out to the Thriller dance, goofy look, now washed up. But he laid it down
 
2a) Part II – Good thing Lawler and JR know how to sell
 
2) Hey Fucks – yeah you – the top of the COLE MINE was OPEN…throw in a coke or a beer. Chickenshits. What are they going to do, especially when you deny it? Where do you think Hyatte would be right now if he hadn’t have throwed the first soda in the ring, Daytona, 1996, Hogan’s heel turn for NWO. That could be you
 
3) If only they would write and perform every angle this good. I’ll say more as it progresses. But goddamn is this hot
 
NUMBER FOUR
 
MIZ RULES
 
1) From opening to closing, this was the MIZ show. Strong promo against Rock -E, Khali beatdown, then Rock-E imitation. Then a fucking old school beatdown on Cena’s candy ass    
 
2) We need blood. Did you see them focus on Khali’s back when he got split open? The times they are a changin – at least until 2012
 
3) You see, no one cares if Linda is not running for office – expect a good blade job in the future. Hopefully from Cena
 
NUMBER FIVE
 
That’s enough RAW. Punk and Orton are just fine and the rest is falling into place. HBK continues to have an opinion, so he’s either going to lose a friend or gain and enemy. Or maybe it’s just a good buildup so these guys don’t touch until WM. Wow…something to pay for, man.
 
NUMBER SIX
 
Will be a…
 
PAGE SIX
 
This was written a long, long time ago, but the song remains the same. Maybe even current if you have imagination and realize all that has gone down in the last several years in wrestling
 
If what happened the other night in the Main Event of TNA is a work, then sham eon me. I personally don’t care – some people just have an unlimited supply….of luck and supporters
 
http://www.youtube.com/ ​watch? ​v=Lckr9OLR2Ow
 
here’s one from the archives…
 
********    
Jeff Hardy and The Death of High Flyers

 

With the recent “release” of Jeff Hardy, the days of the high flying daredevil have come to an end. It’s sad, really, that someone with Hardy’s talent would end up being the poster boy for the epitaph of a style that never fails to amaze the viewer, but sometimes, that’s the way the ball bounces. Hardy’s evolution from goofball to “the next Shawn Michaels” and then ultimately an uninspired, possibly drug addicted freak is well documented, mainly in the breach by most Internet columnists (who seemed to overlook many of his innovations, preferring instead to make stupid jokes about his sexual preferences and “habits”), but more importantly on videotape, where true “legend” status is permanently recorded for posterity.

 

There is really no middle ground when it came to Jeff Hardy. People either loved him or treated him as an overrated mark for himself, preferring to rely on the same devil may care attitude that brought him to the dance as opposed to learning basic wrestling psychology. None of which really mattered to Hardy, who would consistently receive the biggest “pops” of any Superstar on the roster not named Rock or Austin.

 

His “extreme” outlook on life attitude perfectly coincided with the “attitude era” of the late 90’s WWF – but instead of verbally conveying this, Hardy always did his talking in the ring. As contrived as that statement is, it’s absolutely true in Jeff’s case – the kid couldn’t cut a “wrestling promo” to save his life. However, when they did allow him to talk, and basically be himself, it came across as real as anything on television. I recall a backstage promo with Jeff strumming his guitar, saying something to the effect “I’m just going to take it to the extreme” – and you knew he meant it.

 

Obviously, talking was not what made Hardy famous and unique, it was his total disregard for his body and the obvious need for him to live “on the edge”, whether that meant getting speared from 15 feet in the air or performing a Swanton Bomb atop a 20 foot ladder. Many people obviously feared for his life, but not once did anyone do anything to try and stop him. (And no, I do not count the public service announcement, if you know of which situation I speak). As a matter of fact, word on the street is that he was one of Vince McMahon’s personal favorites, which probably kept him around much longer than was healthy.

 

 

Or maybe Vince liked him because he was a little faggot and gave good handjobs. Don’t think for a second  you won’t hear stories of that nature. I would prefer to take the high road and think that the “powers that be” simply felt pity on the poor guy. Or if not pity, the selfish need to cover their own asses in the event he did manage to kill himself, either in the ring or in Room 226, Holiday Inn, Omaha, Nebraska. I’m sure some kind of rehab was suggested, and quite possibly ignored, for the simple fact that publicity like that is not needed, and sometimes death by overdose is really the easiest way to remedy the problem. After all, once a couple of stories appear in the paper about “untimely wrestler deaths”, the situation normally blows over – it’s not like you have heard Hennig’s name since it was discovered cocaine was the primary cause of death. But, having a junkie on staff is embarrassing, especially if Hardy went into convulsions in the middle of RAW, due to either withdraws or finally knocking himself death silly from one too many high falls. Pillman style is ok. Another Owen scenario might be the camel that broke a few straw backs.

 

It’s quite possible that I am way offbase with the drug implications and the WWE simply got tired of Hardy missing shows and being unreliable. The name of the game is the show must go on, and it’s not much of a show when you decide to become burnt out and no longer interested in living the lifestyle of a wrestler.

 

When wrestlers are terminated (or released), it usually takes about 2 weeks for the innuendo and speculation to settle down before the truth is finally disclosed. Reports of Hardy at appearances promoting he and his brother Matt’s recent book have been all aces – Jeff appears upbeat and ready to resume life as a wrestler. However, this contradicted the fact that Hardy had recently been relived of most of his “on the road” responsibilities to “deal with personal problems”. What those personal problems were (or are) is anyone’s guess, but I would say it revolves around a nonstop ritual of physical abuse over the last five years combined with the need for Hardy to be a “performer” versus and actual “wrestler”.

 

Jeff was at his best when he was the center of attention – TLC, Ladder Matches and high profile spots on the card compared to curtain jerking a 3 minute match on RAW. Would it have made a difference if he had been pushed to the moon? That’s debatable. I always felt that Hardy never really cared all that much to be a World Champion, a main eventer or a even a wrestler for that matter – he just wanted to make the crowd go HOLY SHIT at octaves that put the “main event” superstars to shame.

 

There was another performer in the same vein – Mick Foley. In his book “Have a Nice Day”, Mick stated that he would “drive down the roads, imagining ways to make America’s jaws drop in unison”. Not surprisingly, Foley felt a special kinship to Hardy and Jeff seemed to garner the same passion for amazing the crowed as Mick did. Title belts are only status symbols – to be a nobody going into No Mercy 1999 and receiving a standing ovation upon exit was most likely more important to Jeff than any “main event push” he would have ever received.

 

Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view) the style in which he performed no longer has a place in wrestling, outside of maybe a high school gym for an Independent show. Much like Mick Foley before him, Jeff Hardy has proven that the days of killing yourself for the enjoyment of a crowd is no longer acceptable, not when there is only one Top promotion in the country and the prospect of burning out is much more feasible that simply fading away.

 

“There’s your fucking table spot”

 

 – Jeff Hardy, at a house show in Daytona Beach, 1999. Performing (and no selling) for an encore after the crowd booed because the quota for carnage was not fulfilled.

 

********

 
Thanks for reading, I’m FLEA and you know where to find me



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FLEA

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  • CJ

    Nice, Flea, then an update from Hyatte; get Eric back on board and I’ll forgive the site’s slide into mediocrity.

  • sideshowbob

    Was I the only one who thought Snookie on camera really showed just how much weight Vickie has lost? Esprecially when they went from Snookie ringside to Vickie walking down the ramp… Congrats to Vickie for her hard work lately!

  • Sebastian Howard

    Lol CJ it’s not as mediocre as it is full of 411 like news clips where the sie used to have coulms that grouped the ews all togther and then talked about it, ala This Week in E.

  • DaveR

    Holy shit – Hyatte?!?! I never thought I’d read about or of him again. Thanks for changing that. :) Am I the only one who wanted Snookie’s jacket to “fall off”?

  • http://pulsewrestling.com Matthew Michaels

    Sebastian would you like to write for us? Email me a sample.

  • EWF_X29

    Peckerhead, haven’t heard that in a long time. Wow I have never really seen Snooki before. She doesn’t look real, she looks like a moon faced cartoon character. Nice to hear from Hyatte again. Cole’s segments are some of the best on Raw currently. Hey Sebastian if you write a column invest in spell check.lol.

  • Sebastian Howard

    Can’t Matt, laptop dosen’t have e-mail with it, you have to pay on it to get e-mail and I’m broke.

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