It’s Monday Night and it is time to get RAW! The live coverage box is not working right now, so I am doing things the old fashioned way.
We waste no time in introducing Alberto del Rio dressed classly (or trashy, depending on your taste). We got a three man team tonight and the odds are good that we will see Jim Ross most likely. It is Del Rio’s destiny to become the World Champion, but that destiny was stolen by Edge’s retirement. He complains about the Rock taking up too much airtime last week and that they should have celebrated his arrival instead. He vows that he is the best on RAW and that he should be the one to face John Cena for the WWE Championship.
Out comes Rey Mysterio to disagree. Rey wants a shot at the WWE Championship and that Alberto’s destiny to become Ricardo Rodrigeuz’s ring announcer. Ricardo is all smiles until Alberto gives him a look of death. Alberto tells Rey to listen to him, but the Miz and Alex Riley decides to interrupt. After a few “Really” words, the Miz declares RAW as his show and that the WWE Championship is his title. He blames Alex Riley for last week. Alberto tells the Miz that he had his chance, but he didn’t get the job done. The Miz states that he did get the job done, but the referee reversed the decision. The Miz admits to using the title belt, but he still feels that he is still the #1 Contender.
R-Truth has been set free, so he wants to get involved. He hates hospital food. He says this because he put John Morrison on the shelf last week so John needs a bit of hospital food. R-Truth has no problem putting the Miz, Rey Mysterio, and Alberto del Rio in the same place. He busts out the black card and he is going to face that white John Cena.
The RAW GMail puts things into perspective. He feels that only three people deserve the opportunity. The Miz deserves a rematch, so he’s in. Alberto del Rio is in because he is the crown jewel of the draft. The third competitor by virtue of his victory last week, was Rey Mysterio. R-Truth looks pissed off. Rey agrees with the GM saying that Truth shouldn’t be involved in the match and he invokes Truth’s catchphrases. Truth takes the high road and he has the crazed look in his eyes.
The Miz calls Rey and Alberto the RAW benchwarmers. Huge props to Ricardo interrupting the Miz. Alex Riley pimp slaps Alberto, but he eats a dropkick by Ricardo! The Miz takes care of Ricardo, but Alberto dispatches the Miz and Rey takes out Alberto to end this nice long opening segment.
Last week, Kharma lays waste to Maryse.
Nikki & Brie Bella v. Eve Torres & Kelly Kelly
Kelly and one of the Bellas start the match. The Bellas double team and we get a tag. Cover and Kelly Kelly kicks out at two. Kelly sends the Bella down and she spanks her. Handspring elbow connects as does the bulldog. Twin Magic attempt is foiled, but the Bella tries to schoolgirl Kelly, but Kelly counters to a pin of her own.
Winners: Kelly Kelly & Eve Torres
Kharma comes out and the Bella Twins hide, thus leaving Kelly and Eve in the ring to fend for themselves. Kelly slides out, leaving Eve to herself. Eve eats a clothesline and Kelly gets chased. Kharma comes back in the ring and gives Eve the Implant Buster. There’s your answer: No diva is safe.
Speaking of monsters, Kane and Big Show make their way towards the ring.
Mason Ryan (w/CM Punk) v. Kane (w/Big Show)
Lockup to start. Gutwrench attempt by Kane, but Mason swats him off. Kane gets a shot in, but Mason Ryan sends him to the corner. Kane overpowers Mason to the opposite corner, but is backed off by the referee. Mason explodes out of the corner with a lariat and he rams Kane’s back against the turnbuckle, before slamming him on the mat. Kane comes back with an uppercut and a low dropkick. Lateral press gets two. Punk sneak attacks and he eats a KO punch by Big Show. The rest of Nexus comes out and the monsters take care of them. Mason Ryan tries a sneak attack, but he eats a double chokeslam.
Winner: Kane via DQ
Santino Marella v. Dolph Ziggler (w/Vickie Guerrero)
So, do we call Dolph Ziggler Randy 2.0 or “He who shall not be named” 2.0? Anyhow, Ziggler takes it to Marella from the get go, dropping the knee across the ribs. Ziggler takes his sweet time AND HERE COMES SANTINO! He readies the COBRA, but he eats a perfectly timed dropkick. Zig Zag ends this. Color me unimpressed.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
SmackDown Rebound: Randy Orton ends Christian’s title reign.
R-Truth is on his way out of the arena, rejected at the fact he was left without a title shot. Scott comes in and Truth explains that it is a conspiracy.
Zack Ryder gets a cameo with John Cena and he looks to be enjoying himself a bit too much. But if it gets him on RAW, more power to him.
Last week, the Miz gets caught cheating and he loses the title match via DQ.
Backstage, the bros discuss business and Alex tries to explain himself. The Miz continues to complain and he says that Alex has no brains. Alex promises to make it up to him, so he is up to no good. He leaves the locker room and the cameras follow him. So he makes his way out towards the ring to cut a promo. He doesn’t care what people care about him. He only cares about the Miz and he issues a challenge to John Cena. He throws the microphone halfway across the ramp and we get John Cena.
John Cena v. Alex Riley
Ignoring the fact that Alex Riley is a contracted SmackDown superstar, John Cena takes him down amateur style. Cena blocks a kick and he gives Riley a hiptoss. Riley avoids a corner charge and he takes control. Cover gets two after a series of rights. Back suplex connects and Cena kicks out at two. Headlock applied and I don’t know which is sadder, the fact that Cena has to sell for Miz’s itch or the fact that Riley is piss-poor. Cena makes his comeback and he hits the moves of doom. Five Knuckle Shuffle connects and the A.A. connects as the Miz makes his way out on the ramp. Cena picks Riley up and he gives a second A.A. Riley doesn’t have finisher counter powers yet. STF comes next and Riley taps like a JTTS.
Winner: John Cena
Michael Cole is inside the ring and he has a very important announcement. Since he defeated Jerry Lawler twice, he can’t climb the ladder any higher. Because of this, he’s retiring from in-ring competition. He wants to go into the Hall of Fame as both a broadcaster and in-ring competitor. Lawler wants to retort. We go back to last week where Michael Cole got served. He then tells Michael that if he got into the Hall of Fame, life would cease to exist. But, Lawler has an idea. He offers Michael Cole one more shot and he’s willing to put his Hall of Fame ring on the line and if Michael Cole wins, he would be inducted into the Hall of Fame personally by Lawler. Michael Cole declines and he goes off on a rant about how Tennessee is backwards. Michael Cole spent yesterday with his mother. So let me get this straight? We almost copied a TNA storyline with the Hall of Fame ring AND we talk about the death of Lawler’s mother.
This rages Lawler so he goes after Cole and Swagger is here to save the day. Lawler meets the steel ring post and he is down and out.
Bullying is not cool, ya know.
United States Championship Match: Jack Swagger v. Kofi Kingston
Bell rings and they feel each other out. Kofi blocks the amateur style, but Swagger tries the Anklelock early on. Counter by Kofi and Kofi misses the Trouble in Paradise. Swagger takes Kofi down and Kofi counters to a legscissors. Swagger goes to the gutwrench, but Kofi builds some momentum and he sends Swagger to the outside. Swagger evades a plancha and Kofi loses his footing. He blocks a high kick, but Swagger decks him off the apron and we go to commercial.
Lawler gets irate and he throws his chair into Cole’s Cole Mine and Cole makes the mistake by getting his tie near the “air hole” and Lawler chokes Cole out via his tie. Hey, Lawler didn’t officially touch Michael Cole. Swagger says that Lawler is fired, but Lawler reiterates what I just stated. Swagger accepts on Michael Cole’s behalf for one more match and Michael Cole is mad.
We highlight That’s What I Am as an anti-bullying movie.
#1 Contender Triple Threat Match: Alberto Del Rio v. Rey Mysterio v. The Miz
The bell rings and Alberto del Rio gets double teamed by Rey and the Miz. Del Rio blocks a 619 attempt and he sends Rey out of the ring. Miz tries to sneak attack and we trade close calls. Rey is back in and The Miz sends del Rio to the ring post. He sends Mysterio to the corner. Miz charges and he connects with both men and scores a two count on Mysterio. Headlock applied, but Mysterio gets out of it. He runs the ropes, but Del Rio trips Rey up. Alberto back in the ring and he sends Rey out. The Miz and Alberto trade finisher attempts and we go to break.
We are back with Del Rio having Rey in a headlock. He breaks the hold to kick the Miz back off the ring apron. Pillar to post we go and Mysterio evades the charge. Tilt-A-Whirl backbreaker connects and he scores two. He takes care of the Miz for a little longer before going back to Rey. Alberto continues to wear Rey down, but Rey tries a comeback. The Miz helps Alberto out by sending him out of the ring. It is ill-advised as Mysterio almost kicks Miz out of the ballpark. Miz senfs Mysterio to the middle turnbuckle and he gathers his bearings. Corner to corner we go and he misses the charge and Alberto pulls the Miz out and clotheslines him. Rey has a plancha for a reward and all three men are out of the ring. Rey tosses Alberto back in the ring and he kicks Miz in the back. Seated Senton connects and Mysterio takes del Rio down for a close two count. Hurrancurana by Mysterio and the Miz goes up top. Mysterio sends Del Rio to the turnbuckle, sending Miz’s balls down south. Sunset Flip by Mysterio to the Miz and Del Rio has Rey with the single-arm DDT before applying the cross-arm breaker. Miz misses a kick and he gets two on the Miz. Miz hits a spike DDT…TWO COUNT! Skull Crushing Finale gets blocked by Rey and he sends Miz out of the ring. Del Rio goes for a powerbomb and Riley comes out to interfere. Mysterio sends Del Rio to Riley. 619 connects and he takes the Miz off the apron. He drops the dime and Riley pulls Del Rio out of the ring. Miz sneaks in and he steals the victory. Guess cheating works once in a while.
Winner: The Miz
John Cena congratulates the Miz tonight. He has his match stipulation figured out. No DQ’s, no countouts, no submissions, and no pinfalls. At Over the Limit, the Miz has to make John Cena say “I Quit”.
R-Truth sneaks up behind Rey and he takes him down with the Downward Spiral. He stands over Rey as we end the show.