The Rager – Really Riley Randy Ridiculous Redundancies Rawr
by Chris Sanders on June 21, 2011

Welcome, once again, my dear Rageans, to another installment of everyone’s favorite opinion-based layer cake of spiteful cynicism known as The Rager coming to you from my friend’s couch that I’m currently crashing on and this same friend’s laptop because my own is useless at this point. I am your dutiful gondolier, Chris. Why don’t you take a seat in my boat?

Wait, So CM Punk is Staying?
So I’m sure you’re going to get a wide variety of people talking about this situation in the coming days but here’s my take on it:
If CM Punk really is going to leave and wanting to do so with the WWE title in-hand, there’s no way Vince would’ve allowed Punk to say so on live television. Punk would’ve been cut-off or interrupted in some fashion. What’s going on here is WEE’s trying to cause some sort of stir to gain interest before Summerslam so we’re not always complaining about the boring suckfest that is WEE television right now. Its the same thing with the Nexus attack from last year, it was something we didn’t expect and kept us reinvested for a few months. Only this time, WEE went with an internet rumor that we’ve all been contemplating and talking about but never dreamed that WEE would actually address it at all, especially on Raw. It just shows that creative isn’t always using the same lazy storylines and can come up with some pretty interesting things when they really want to. The problem is they only want once or twice a year. The truth of the matter is, and I believe a lot of you would agree with me, that WEE is wanting to pull off something big for Summerslam. I’ve heard rumors of thats when we’ll get the Undertaker/HHH rematch and I’m completely alright with that, BUT I think WEE’s best bet would be to work hard on this story with CM Punk and see it through because we all know he can and will deliver.

Side Note: Who else would buy a CM Punk Snow Angel t-shirt? *Raises Hand*

Cruel Punishment
Words can’t describe how bored I was during Capital Punishment, I don’t even know why I started a new paragraph for this because I really don’t have anything to say about it. I will say this, entering the Evan Bourne and Jack Swagger match just seemed like an attempt to kill time and that was confirmed the next time on Raw. Why would they try to push Bourne by beating Swagger cleanly on a PPV only to have him get cleanly demolished by Mason Ryan the very next night? The reason? Time killing…the end.

Who Exactly Has the Power You Speak Of?
While I have the Bourne/Ryan match in mind, that reminded me of something else that really burns my metaphorical (Hooray!) grits. I really don’t want to go all R-Heel and spout on about conspiracies and whatnot but does anybody actually believe the fans voted for any of that nonsense on Raw? Case and point is as such, you had Swagger (Kurt Angle2.0), Ryan (Batista2.0) and Sin Cara (Mysterio2.0) and in the TV-PG world the WEE lives in full of smiley, sticky, over-caffeinated faced children, do you really think they would’ve voted Ryan by that landslide? You could make an argument that maybe Swagger could’ve pulled off some sort of upset but how do they expect people to believe that either of them would beat Sin Cara in a popularity contest? Same goes for the Kofi/Mr. Ziggles match. You’re telling me people would rather see 3 more matches of the match they just saw the night before rather than not have Vickie squealing, yeah I’m not buying into that either. Again, I think it hit WEE last minute that they had three hours to fill…again so they came up with this to kill yet some more time.

Side note: I’m all for all things Miz and, especially recently, all things R-Heel so needless to say, I was stoked to see them in a promo together (Christian has and will always be a ‘meh’ with me) but I could literally feel my face melting in disappointment with the Really Riley nonsense. We’re 2 degrees from hearing them call each other “poopy-face”…mark my words, the time will come…

But with that being said, I am excited for next week’s Raw, I do usually enjoy Raw Roulette for some weird reason and then add the fact that my all-time favorite wrestler, Shawn Michaels, will be there and I’ll be happily sitting in-front of my TV with bells on (can you guess where?).

A Smackdown Sighting!!!
This may be blasphemous to say but Smackdown has become increasingly more interesting to me as of late. Last week, we had an interesting match-up betwixt Sheamus and Christian that could’ve affected (for the better) the Heavyweight Championship match, Big Show pwning Mark Henry (Big Slow) and then going all Nexus when ABR ran away. Right now, as odd as it may seems, Superstars is still more interesting to me as of late, Smackdown is gaining ground and Raw brings up the rear (I don’t count NXT and neither should you). Raw could pick up some especially the closer we get to Summerslam plus I’m hoping the CM Punk situation will keep growing and R-Heel just carrying on as he’s been doing and we may see a change in rank.

Personal Update
I stated a few weeks ago that I had an interview for a job in the city that I really want to live in for the time being and I’m pleased to say that I got said job and I’m now live in Greensboro, NC. The job is great, I love it and the people at the office are fantastic (I’m not just saying that in the off chance that they’re reading this). Now to find a place to live…

That is all for this week, hopefully it wasn’t too painful for you. Be sure to check out some of the fantastic articles to come later over the course of the week here on Pulse Wrestling. I say this both as a fellow writer and fan, but this blog has some of the most talented group of writers and at least one of them is bound to tickle your fancy pickle. Feel free to Rage on about anything I’ve discussed here OR Rage about anything you feel the urge to Rage about OR submit your own ideas you’d like me to Rage about in a future installment of The Rager.

Don’t be worried if your future seems impossible, you’ll meet up with it one of these days.

Sir. Dr. Chris W. Sanders Jr. III Ph.D.

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Twitter = cwsanders39

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Chris Sanders

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  • GEE

    Good take on Raw. Agree with you on Punk. Hope they get it right with where they are headed on this one. Smackdown without a doubt IMO is the better of the two shows right now. People have claimed that in the past and I never saw it then, but now Raw has some creative issues to address. Good cast on Raw, but they need direction, BAD!!!!

  • B Brown

    I’ll try this again since it got lost in (cyber-)space the first time, but in a more condensed manner.

    Let Punk win and “leave”. Give him the month off until SS. Stage a tournament with the final to be held at SS. Have Punk come back at the beginning of the PPV (the promo explaining the ‘return’ would be gold) and the GM decide to put Cena/del Rio (come on, who else would be in the final) first with the winner to face Punk at the end of the night.

    We can ignore the end result that we know WWE will give us: thinking about it literally makes my head hurt.

  • Cynical Bastard

    As much as I’d love to agree with you about the direction WWE is going with Punk, I’ll have to respectfully disagree. I rather think they’ve chosen to script Punk’s hiatus rather that slap something together last minute a la Jericho/Batista.

    I’d love to be wrong and for you to be right though. Whether they realize it or not, I think WWE can ill afford to lose a performer of Punk’s caliber at this time.

  • James Alsop

    I’m fairly certain that Punk is leaving. I love the idea of a title tournament such as that suggested by Mr Brown above, and Punk could cut some glorious promos about how the WWE Title is “his property” and so he is entitled to keep the belt after his departure, but on balance I think that Super-Cena will win the match, and Punk will get a sending-off on the following Raw.
    That Punk is being allowed to voice his feelings so liberally in his promos thus far, however, certainly implies that he has struck some sort of deal with WWE management – presumably a deal which guarantees WWE that Punk won’t join any other company during his sabbatical, and which guarantees Punk a prime spot upon his return.
    I’d quite like to be wrong on this, but I have expressed my thoughts on this matter elsewhere: a Punk hiatus will do Punk, WWE, and wrestling as a whole some good, allowing new stars to rise to prominence in the short-term, and propelling Punk to new career heights in the long-term.

    I hope.

  • dave

    forget the storylines i want to see more nonstop wrestling…

  • Wally Kovacs

    There are a few possibilities:

    (A) Punk is actually leaving, and he’s pulling a Jericho (Jericho went with the “I’ll quit if I don’t win the belt” thing, and while he didn’t immediately quit, it did eventually lead to his most recent departure). In that case, he’d call his shot and lose ‘in disgrace’, similar to Jericho or JBL … for a heel, it’s actually the kind of send off you ‘want’.

    (B) He “decides” to resign after winning the belt, but only after toying with people for a little while, saying that they can’t strip him of the title for 30 days, and then he resigns on the last day to have his ‘required title match’.

    (C) He wins, and begins his promo about ‘retiring’ as undeafeated champion, and considering it’s the Money in the Bank PPV, and someone will have one the briefcase … they will obviously come out to challenge for the belt and keep it in the company. (If we are lucky, that would get the belt off Cena and onto a different face, and therefore, cut Cena out of the title hunt for a while (hopefully).

    I don’t believe they would actually let Punk leave (for good) with the belt … but there are tons of other ways for things to play out that would still be set up by letting Punk speak. He may very well be leaving (or he’s still in contract negotiations, and this ‘storyline’ is trying to prove they are willing to give him the spotlight he deserves).

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