The SmarK RAW Supershow Super-Rant – 09.05.11
by Scott Keith on September 6, 2011

The SmarK RAW Supershow Super-Rant – 09.05.11

– Live from Columbus, OH.

– Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler & Jim Ross

CM Punk starts us out, thus breaking the streak of COOHHH opening the show.   Punk clarifies for us that he is lacking the filter between his brain and his mouth, which is probably why he tends to annoy so many people.  But whereas Punk is different, Kevin Nash is the same all the time.  So he offers him a chance to do something different:  Face Punk like a man.  So Kevin “PS” Nash joins us and Punk immediately mocks his million different lame gimmicks and the fact that he hasn’t been relevant since 1994.  I like that Punk breaks the rhythm of the usual promos here, interrupting Nash and complaining over COOHHH’s entrance music when he interrupts.  So our COO reveals that the arena in LA sent security footage of Nash sending the text message to his own phone.  Really?  That’s what they’re going with?  I’m immediately reminded of the movie Adaptation as far as ridiculous plot twists go, as Nash is apparently now starring in The Three.  Nash and HHH have their big confrontation over it and Nash gets all handsy, leading to HHH laying him out and firing him.  Rough week for Big Kev.

Meanwhile, Executive VP of Flagbearing Johnny Ace joins Nash in the limo on the way out of the arena.

Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne v. Jinder Mahal & The Great Khali

This is non-title for whatever reason.  Despite the fans voting the name “Air Boom”, they should change it to Sonic Boom.  Mahal pounds on Bourne and puts him down with a high knee, and a butterfly suplex gets two.  Khali chokes him out in the corner and Mahal drops knees until Bourne gets his own knees up and it’s hot tag Kofi.  Dropkick and clothesline for Mahal, but he tumbles out of the ring due to Khali holding down the top rope.  Khali then accidentally KOs Mahal and Bourne finishes with Air Bourne at 3:10.  *1/2

Meanwhile, Alberto Del Rio arrives.  That’s a pretty major etiquette breach if he’s showing up that late.  God help him if he doesn’t shake everyone’s hand backstage too.

Eve Torres v. Beth Phoenix

Winner of this gets the title shot at Night of Champions.  They fight over a knucklelock and Eve slugs her down, but gets whipped into the post.  She works the arm until Even comes back, but the Glam Slam finishes at 2:01.  Total mess.  ½*  The DIVAS OF DOOM lay out the heroic divas afterwards as the announcers are now trying to get “Sisters of Destruction” over as the team name.  Make up your damn minds!

Meanwhile, ADR tries to convince Christian to take out John Cena by using some specious logic, but it appears to work.

CM Punk v. R-Truth

But first!  Miz and Truth do some light comedy and talk about the conspiracy surrounding them, and challenge Bourne & Kingston at Night of Champions.  Miz says what we’re all thinking:  Air Boom is the stupidest name anyone’s ever heard.  Truth dubs them “sneaky fart” instead.  Miz:  “I’m gonna handle this one:  WHAT?!”  These guys are great together.  Punk takes Truth down for two and stomps him, then goes to the headlock on the mat.  Truth slugs him down in the corner and grabs his own headlock, but they criss-cross and Punk dropkicks Truth to the floor and follows with a tope suicida. Back in, Truth gets a snapmare for two and goes to the chinlock, then tosses him for some abuse from Miz and his cheap suit.  Cole is starting to go a little batshit on commentary, mocking JR in increasingly nasty fashion.  Well who had 65 minutes in the pool?  Punk gets a small package for two, and a backslide for two.  Truth slugs him down again, then goes to a half-crab and works on the knee.  The match is dying and Cole goes off on some fucking stupid rant against JR and it’s not helping.  They head up and Punk brings him down with a superplex, then makes the comeback with the running knee and bulldog into the flying clothesline.  Truth blocks the GTS and hits the front suplex for two.  Axe kick misses and Miz trips up Punk, resulting in ejection by the ref.  GTS finishes at 9:40.  Punk seems to be cooling off fast judging by crowd reactions here and last week.  **1/4  COOHHH comes out again, this time to announce that the PPV match is now no-DQ.  Punk agrees as long as HHH resigns as COO if Punk wins.  If I might quote Rick Harrison, Uh, yeah, that’s not gonna happen.  Gah, why do they feel the need to gimmick up everything in desperation?

Meanwhile, ADR moves onto his next target:  Wade Barrett.

Coming in 2012:  The WWE Network.  Not bloody likely.  Good luck getting anyone to carry it even if they can launch it.

David Otunga & David McGillicutty v. Jerry Lawler & Zack Ryder

We finally get a video package on Ryder explaining the “Long Island Iced Z” deal to fans who don’t hang out on Youtube.  The Nexus controls Ryder in the corner, but Ryder gets a flapjack and brings Lawler in.  King slugs Otunga down for two and drops the fist, but Ryder wants the tag in.  Roughrider finishes at 2:03.  What a weird way to introduce Ryder.  DUD

Meanwhile,  ADR recruits Dolph Ziggler for what I’m assuming is a match tonight.

Randy Orton v. Heath Slater

Orton sends him into the post and puts him down with forearms, setting up the Garvin Stomp.  Slater fires back with an enzuigiri for two and goes to a chinlock, and a spinebuster gets two.  Funny note (to me):  Cole plugs the upcoming live shows in Canada, powered exclusively by K-Mart.  This is funny because K-Mart hasn’t been in Canada for years now.  Orton escapes chinlock and finishes with the draping DDT and RKO at 2:50.  Total squash.

John Cena joins us, predicting that Alberto Del Rio will not in fact be fighting him tonight.  ADR appears and confirms that this is indeed true, and he sends out the “Rudos of RAW” to attack Cena, which draws out the babyfaces to make the save.  Teddy Long decides to make it a conveniently set up 8 man elimination match, because HHH isn’t around.

John Cena, Sheamus, Alex Riley & John Morrison v. Christian, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger & Wade Barrett.

I have to say, this is a relatively star-studded match with a stip that’s usually on PPV – why not promote it for a week instead of throwing it out as an impromptu match at the end of the show?  Barrett hits the Bossman slam on Riley for two, but Morrison comes in and gets a standing C4 on Ziggler, then cleans house on the heels.  Ziggler catches him with the sleeper, but Swagger tags himself in and applies the anklelock for the tapout at 2:19.  And we take a break as Vickie comes out to scout.  I thought she had already hired Swagger?  Back with Ziggler holding a headlock on Riley, but Alex makes the comeback with clotheslines and the spinebuster.  He goes after the heels and Ziggler hits him with the fameasser for two, however.  And again, Swagger tags himself in and applies the anklelock, but this time Riley rolls out of it, so Swagger gets the pump splash and reapplies for the tapout at 4:49.  So Sheamus comes in and pounds on Swagger, and a short clothesline gets two.  Barrett comes back on him with a knee to the gut and he chokes away on the ropes, and a big boot gets two.  He goes to the chinlock but Sheamus quickly comes back and powerslams him.  Kneelift on the apron and he goes up with the flying shoulderblock, but he misses the Brogue Kick.  Barrett tries a pumphandle slam, but Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick for the pin at 8:28.  Christian comes in and gets two on Sheamus, then goes for the Killswitch, but Sheamus dumps him and they run into the crowd and out of the match at 9:30.  So this leaves Cena alone with Ziggler and Swagger.  I don’t like those odds for Team Vickie.  As expected, Cena destroys both of them, but runs into a Ziggler dropkick.  Luckily, Cena makes the comeback and hits both guys with the five knuckle shuffle, but runs into a suplex from Swagger.  Swagger gets the pump splash, but now Ziggler tags himself in, and immediately takes the FU at 13:35.  Swagger gets the anklelock, but Cena reverses to the STF at 14:10 to overcome the odds and win yet again. **1/2  ADR tries a sneak attack and he too takes the FU.  GOD FORBID that John Cena show the least bit of weakness.

The Pulse

Well the Nash-Punk-HHH storyline has officially gone off a cliff, with Nash now sending himself text messages and Punk losing heat by the week.  But that’s OK, because Orton squashed the fuck out of someone and Cena beat 2 guys by himself, so they’re set for a while.  Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

 



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Scott Keith

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  • nwa88

    I find Scott Keith’s reviews to be too cynical and smartass. He makes quite a lot of good points, but the bitchy tone and whiny attitude make it difficult to take the guy seriously. Maybe he should eat some roughage, and his rants might improve. it would make a change from all that greasy KFC anyway.

  • Tony

    Totally LOL’d at “Executive VP of Flagbearing”.

  • Tony

    My son and I prefer to call the tag team champions KEvan instead

  • nwa89

    By contrast, I really enjoy Scott’s reviews, and don’t find them too cynical at all. I think his review this week was right on the money.

  • SHough610

    Good to see that elvylanda is still trolling as members of the blog of doom. That ban really chapped his ass.

  • Steven Gepp

    An ‘Airplane’ reference! I laughed… and it does show that Scott’s rants are more aimed possibly at people of my vintage than 14 year old Cena and Orton fans.

  • Sebastian Howard

    Hey Steven, I’m 15 so shadd up ya’ mouth.

    By the way… “Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.”

    Is that code for watching TNA or were you actually sniffing glue?

  • Sebastian Howard

    Scott Keith’s rants are brought to you by Popeyes, not KFC, silly willy.

  • Mike Gojira

    Keith and Douglas have a great habit of attracting trolls to the comments section. Is it some new scent from Axe or Old Spice?

  • James Alsop

    I’m glad Scott (and Wheeler) have noticed that Punk’s momentum has all but come to a standstill. Clearly he was never going to stay as white hot as he was at MITB, but at a crucial time in the development of his character – and the development of WWE’s future – this ridiculous Nash/HHH storyline has been nothing but a step backwards for Punk. Not only has he been made to look physically weaker than Nash week after week, but it now doesn’t look as though he will be given the opportunity to get payback – and the stipulation at NoC all but guarantees a Triple H win. Furthermore, this week’s win over R-Truth was Punk’s first real victory since Summerslam – and that’s a long time in the WWE, especially for the former WWE Champion.

    Also, Punk’s mic work has left a lot to be desired lately. He was fine this week, but the smiley-smiley fan-friendly “I’m doing this for everyone” promos he cut last week weren’t his best work by a long shot. There are only so many smarky comments and Stephanie jokes he can make before the routine gets tired.

    In short, WWE need to start treating Punk like a star pronto. It’s all a little worrying.

  • red29

    WWE needs to start treating Punk like a star? The guy has opened or closed almost all of the recent RAWs. He’s won clean in his matches – no 50/50 booking there. He gets at least two entrances on each RAW of late.

    What?

  • The Fuji

    Scott Keith has a firm belief that The Clique(or what’s left of ‘em) are always holding everyone else down. They could have Punk go over HHH, Nash, Cena, Del Rio, Mysterio, R Truth and Miz in a 7-versus-1 handicap match, and Keith would bitch about how Punk was made to look bad. That’s Keith’s only mode, criticizing and being snarky. However, as bad as things are now, next week will be even worse. The guy must be a real pleasure to be around in person.

  • Wally Kovacs

    Consider the fact that Nash has powerbombed Punk repeatedly, and has not taken anything but harsh words in response (HHH has gotten more offence in on Nash since his return). Not to mention that Nash has cost Punk matches, even doing the stupid “stand at the top of the ramp, and you stare at me for 10 minutes like an idiot, then the opponent hits you with a finisher” thing that just makes Punk look weak.

    So, being repeatedly beat up by and ‘outsmarted’ by Nash every week, while Nash stinks up the joint on the mike, and the whole angle being more about Nash and HHH than having really anything to do with Punk. It’s a bit like Miz during the whole Cena/Rock thing.

    However, one point about the end of the show:

    Yes, Cena did win 2 on 1. However, Cena was fresh, considering he never really tagged in during most of the match, while Ziggler and Swagger had been doing all the heavy lifting, collectively eliminating the first two, and Sheamus/Christian eliminating each other. Fresh Cena vs. two tired ‘former World champions’ is already good odds for Cena condidering the past (and, at this point, neither of those World Title reigns impress anyone, as one was by MitB inevitability, and the other was by assistant GM fiat) but the entire story was that both competitors were too busy trying to be Vickie’s hero to be a good team. Like most dysfunctional tag teams, they beat themselves more than Cena did. As far as ridiculous odds for Cena to overcome, the bar was pretty low on this one. The story would have preceeded the way it did with any other number one contender in Cena’s place, as the other faces did most of the work, and the heel plan might have work if not for their own internal conflicts.

  • toptenguy

    This is the stupidest thing I have (not) read.

  • elvylanda

    I like Scott Keith’s rants. They’re very insightful. More Scott Keith!

  • rskva

    Scott Keith is so damn sexy!

  • elvylanda

    And I’m a bitter person who has nothing better to do than troll message boards in between having wet dreams about Vince Russo!

  • Sebastian Howard

    rskva is a guy or girl who doesn’t know what they’re talking about… or maybe he/she likes fat dudes.

    No I’m just joking, Scott Keith is a sexy beast!

  • Battlebowl92

    i’m pretty sure HHH letting Punk open the show with a promo is HHH’s definition of “putting someone over” … and Punk’s heat has melted away because he’s turned into a background figure of HHH laying out Kevin Nash… to the surprise of no one… when word leaked a few weeks ago that HHH, essentially owner of the company, wanted to make his return and pedigree Punk immediately the writing was on the wall

  • Battlebowl92

    i’ll also add that a few years ago, Booker T got incredibly over as King Booker working main event programs with John Cena etc… then Triple H returned and buried him as an afterthought… which did nothing for business and caused Booker to bail on the company… so now it’s the -exact- same situation with Punk instead of Booker… and it will do nothing for business

  • sideshowbob

    Admit it, you’d mark the F out if Punk wins via Pepsi Plunge..

  • FireThunder

    Kevin Nash sent the text message. He did it for the Rock.

  • CB

    Are we really going with this “Supershow” moniker, really? Really?? Really???

  • Blair A. Douglas

    It’s refreshing that I’m not the only one on the site attracting trolls.

    Anyway, I don’t think anyone is losing any SERIOUS amount of heat (although they can lose some) unless they lose some actual matches. With Punk, that hasn’t happened yet and even in segments, it’s not like he’s getting beaten up in a straight-up fight – he’s getting jumped from behind or after a match, etc.

    These shows don’t actually sound all that bad to me. Sure, the matches still sound like they’re boring as hell, but look who’s in the matches, and at least it seems like they’re trying a BIT more with their storylines (except for Cena, which is still status quo.)

    One major complaint with the show though, is that it was clearly lacking in the IT factor, by which I mean of course, Shaemus and Mark Henry.

  • FDSwayze

    “I’m glad Scott (and Wheeler) have noticed that Punk’s momentum has all but come to a standstill. Clearly he was never going to stay as white hot as he was at MITB, but at a crucial time in the development of his character – and the development of WWE’s future – this ridiculous Nash/HHH storyline has been nothing but a step backwards for Punk. Not only has he been made to look physically weaker than Nash week after week, but it now doesn’t look as though he will be given the opportunity to get payback – and the stipulation at NoC all but guarantees a Triple H win. Furthermore, this week’s win over R-Truth was Punk’s first real victory since Summerslam – and that’s a long time in the WWE, especially for the former WWE Champion.”

    THIS needs to be tattooed on Blair’s forehead. Jesus Blair, you don’t think he’s lost any serious amount of heat. He’s lost ALL of his heat. Because of Nash and HHH. That is fact now. There is no debating it. Unless Punk literally drags out Nash and decapitates him with a chainsaw next show, it’s over. Your boyfriend ruined it Blair, and you will admit this. The shows have been all bad. Nash is bad. HHH is bad. Punk is done. You’re wrong. Water is wet. Sky is blue. Deal with it.

  • Blair A. Douglas

    A guy in Nash’s age and condition can’t kill Punk’s momentum just by jumping him from behind. Do you think Punk is that fragile? Do you give Nash that much credit?

  • Blair A. Douglas

    Also, if it were tattooed on my head, how would I be able to see it?

  • keith stone

    What happened to Charlie Reneke? I don’t see his posts anymore.

  • FDSwayze

    Blair, you sound just like a TNA fan who is in complete denial.

  • Blair A. Douglas

    This is why you get locked in bathrooms.

  • genericuser

    @Blair – With a mirror, you idiot.

  • Wally Kovacs

    The problem is: Getting jumped from behind (multiple times) by someone in Nash’s condition, and at his age, makes Punk look bad. Nash can’t wrestle. Literally. He wasn’t medically cleared. And yet, he’s repeatedly costing Punk matches (in one case by doing litterally nothing).

    That isn’t giving Nash credit. If he was a credible threat, it would put sympathy on Punk. Instead, Punk is being repeatedly embarassed by an old guy with bad knees who looks like Micheal Hayes if he dipped his head in black paint [but just his hair, he learned his lesson last time].

    As for the “Nash sent the text”:

    (a) It’s nice that HHH saw the footage and didn’t show it to anyone. Definitely closes that case.

    (b) A No DQ match? As in a match where interference is legal. Say, by a 7 foot tall guy who everyone should expect to make a hobble-in to save his friend.

    The stupid angle is continuing and with Punk not pointing out the blatantly obvious [No DQ = Nash interference] they instead set up a stipulation that makes HHH losing seem like a bad idea [even if they haven’t decided the outcome, now ‘people’ can argue that putting Punk over puts a premature end to the HHHCOO storyline, so it only makes sense for Punk to lose this one, and HHH will give him a win later … except if Punk proves to be losing heat and/or is a ratings flop despite HHH’s best efforts to get him over].

    When Jericho was calling out Punk for stealing his moves, some thought it was the double underhook backbreaker, or maybe ragging on Steph, but obviously he meant getting all his heat destroyed by Hunter despite being hugely over beforehand.

  • Cynical Bastard

    I like the cut of Wally’s jib.

  • milkmanv1

    @ keith stone, Reneke was busted for kiddie porn and is currently serving 10 years.

  • Blair A. Douglas

    uh… yeah, well I get that I could look in a mirror or whatever, but wouldn’t my forearm or palm make more sense?

  • Bill Watts’ Dirty Secret

    Scott…

    Babyfaces don’t get “heat.”. Heels do.

  • James Alsop

    What on earth do faces get, then? It can’t all be pops. I tend to associate “heat” with heels, perhaps because it’s easier to get “cheap heat” when you’re a bad guy. In reality, though, it’s more an all-encompassing term to describe the accumulation of audience involvement, right? In my understanding, a good babyface (an HBK or a Ric Flair, selling their behinds off) is as crucial in the build-up of “heat” as the heel.

  • SHough610

    @milkmanv1 Is that true?

  • Me

    @SHough610
    No

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