Inside Pulse Wrestling | For Your Consideration…The RAW Judicial Review for 1/16/12

For Your Consideration…The RAW Judicial Review for 1/16/12

by Andy Wheeler on January 17, 2012

For Your Consideration…The RAW Judicial Review for 1/16/12

Welcome back to the longest running action-adventure, passive-aggressive, over-the-top-rope column on the world wide web, For Your Consideration. I’m your host Andrew Wheeler and no, I did not get to have a long weekend because of the holiday and am therefore exhausted on a Tuesday. A Tuesday! It’s downright un-American. Alright, let’s get to bidness…

The RAW Judicial Review for 1/16/12

I have a dream. I have a dream that the WWE will finally create a new version of this Martin Luther King Jr. video package that they have aired every year for the better part of a decade.

I have a dream. I have a dream that the WWE will change the Nickelback opening theme song to pretty much any other tune on the planet. I don’t care if it’s a German nursery rhyme or a Chinese opera score…I just can’t take hearing that douchebag sing about his balls being out. And yes, I could just fast forward through or something, but that’s effort I shouldn’t need to take if the WWE would just do their damn jobs.

I have a dream. I have a dream that I will not beat this joke into the ground to the point where it seems like a TNA pretape.

The actual show opened with Mick Foley coming to the ring in sweatpants, a flannel and a t-shirt that looked like the swirling blue vortex of death. He got the requisite cheap pop and then put over how much fun he had being a quasi-part of the WWE despite not really doing anything besides dressing as Santa and being the architect of that train-wreck “This is Your Life John Cena” segment that may be singlehandedly responsible for killing the industry. Mick talked about how his two youngest kids Huey and Mickey (someone call child services please) have yet to see him wrestle on the grandest stage of them all, so he wants to enter the Rumble and punch his ticket to Wrestlemania. If ever there was a justifiable reason for an old timer to step back into the ring, this would be it.

Vickie Guerrero in the remnants of a silk shirt someone’s grandmother would wear, screeches her way down to the ring. She is accompanied by Dolph Ziggler, who in just wearing a pink t-shirt under a suit is already the biggest heel in the business. Ziggler runs down Foley by calling him overweight and washed up, even saying that Mick’s kids must fear that their dad is going to eat their lunches. Hey, wasn’t “eating your lunch” John Morrison’s lame tagline? I bet he would be upset if he could still afford cable.

Foley smiled through this and pretty much agreed that he could get his ass kicked, but maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t. Ziggler pointed out that Mick was taking a spot from a deserving youngster and that he should do us all a favor and just slink out of there. This is great because if there is one guy who is willing to do anything to get someone over, it’s Foley. Mick did it with Triple H, he did it with Edge and the fact that he is even electing to do it with Ziggler shows that he sees something special in the kid.

CM Punk comes down because he’s CM Punk and he never brings down a segment. Punk and Ziggler spar back and forth, as Vickie gets in a line about Mick looking obese and Punk looking anorexic. The irony of her being the one to initiate weight-related bullying is delightful. Before Punk can really sink his teeth into the segment (but not before Dolph asked if they both got their clothing from the same homeless man), Johnny Super Ace came out. He teased considering Foley’s Rumble request before shooting him down. A killer opening segment that left people wanting to see Foley win the Royal Rumble and CM Punk killing Ziggler, which, folks, is how you sell a PPV. Glad to see someone in WWE Creative remembered how to book.

Commercial.

WWE Tag Team Championship: Primo & Epico Marx w/ Rosa v. Nerf AirBoom

So they had time last week for three separate segments dealing with Zack Ryder’s auto troubles but couldn’t squeeze in a tag title change? Sounds about right these days. Anyway, at least this tells people that (a) the WWE does house shows and (b) occasionally something can happen at them. Fine. AirBoom and Primo & Epico had a fine match but it’s the same thing we’ve seen from them a few dozen times. In the end, Kofi laid Epico out with Trouble in Paradise and just as Evan was going for AirBourne he was waylaid by Primo and then Epico hit the Backstabber for the win. A decent formulaic match with a win that makes people want to see a rematch is totally fine by me.

Johnny Ace is in the back playing Word Mole when David Otunga comes in with his coffee mug and a mysterious envelope. Ace announces that the proposed tag match of Punk & Bryan versus Henry & Ziggler will now be a six man, because he probably looked at the bumper graphic for the match and realized it was missing some Otunga. The sixth man for the match then walked in, and it was Chris Jericho. He looked downright giddy, turned off the lights and let his jacket blink. This was already a million times better than any promo featuring the bulk of the roster.

Commercial.

Zack Ryder and Eve Eve are in the back mouthing words because either they love “The Artist” or because we’re supposed to believe that unless there is a microphone you can’t hear anything. Sure enough, Josh Matthews pops up and now we can hear the pearls of wisdom coming from Zack. Even though he may not be medically cleared and even though he’s wearing the tape around his waist to signify that he’s been tenderized, he is going to defend his United States Championship because he is a tough guy…except last week where he told everyone he was scared of Kane and then choose to flee rather than confront him. Maybe sex with Eve instills fake confidence in a man. If that were the case with Kelly then most of the locker-room would be challenging people to fights.

We then get a recap of the WHOLE Kane nonsense, because what seemed stupid live would seem less stupid with red tint and slow motion.

Commercial.

US Title Match: Zack Ryder w/ Eve Eve v. Kurt SwAngle w/ Vickie Guerrero

This was designed to be a massacre but oddly enough it kinda killed SwAngle. See, Zack was in no shape to fight, so he got his ass kicked by SwAngle. Unfortunately, it took THREE Gutwrench Powerbombs to beat a broken Ryder when it should have only taken one. After all, that is SwAngle’s FINISHER! Begging for the company to not make him look like such a clown. So yes, Ryder’s title reign has come to an end. But fear not, I’m sure we’ll get a few dozen rematches soon enough.

Commercial.

We’re back and Johnny Ace approaches a crestfallen Ryder with the mysterious envelope from before that apparently says Ryder should never have been allowed to wrestle in the first place. I find it odd that a doctor would send the clearance to the boss and not the actual person suffering the injury, but hey, medical malpractice makes for a hell of a storyline.

Perez Hilton is the special ring announcer for the Divas match because Vince heard people saying the division couldn’t get worse and he accepted the challenge.

Alicia Fox & Kelly Kelly v. The Bella Twins

I seemed to have suffered blunt trauma to the brain so I thankfully don’t remember most of this. Either that or I was distracted by cookies my buddy Zach brought over. Either way, the next thing I know I see the twins trying for Twin Magic and then Perez Hilton yanking one of them out of the ring. I guess in WWE world man-on-woman violence is okay when the man is effeminate. This distraction lets the faces win and all is right with the world.

After the match Perez is confronted by The Bella Twins and then takes a bump worse than Mae Young. The faces step to the heels and the Bella Twins run away. How can THIS be the celebrity segment when they had Mr. Belding sitting in the front row the whole time?

Commercial.

We’re back with a recap of the 1992 Royal Rumble, which is one of the all-time best because of Ric Flair’s in-ring prowess and Bobby Heenan’s amazing commentary.

Resurrection-Truth comes out because…well…why not? Before he can say anything Wade Barrett interrupts to let everyone know that he will win the Rumble and that he isn’t completely sure that R-Truth is his real name. They bicker and Truth plays up the Little Jimmy shtick before he shows slides of him at Disney World. He made wacky faces and a surprisingly vulgar Pinocchio joke before being jumped by The Miz who came from just off camera. Sheamus runs in to make the save and this triggers Teddy Long’s “impromptu match” feature. However, instead of a tag match he makes it an “Over the Top Rope Battle Royal.”

Over the Top Rope Battle Royal: R-Truth, Wade Barrett, Sheamus & The Miz

The point of this is to introduce the Royal Rumble concept to the three new fans tuning in tonight. This also allows them to reinforce that the Rumble is every man for himself. Why not just show Demolition fighting each other? Wade gets dumped first and then Truth and Sheamus double-team The Miz only for Truth to prove that it is every man for himself and attack Sheamus. Miz and Sheamus brawl and just when it seems Sheamus is going to eliminate Miz we get Truth eliminating both of them. You know, because Truth is going to win the actual Royal Rumble. But hey, this promoted the actual PPV match and reminded people how fun these could be, so no complaints here.

Oh, and after the match Sheamus hit the Brutha Kick on Miz just to hammer home the fact that Miz is now a complete joke.

John Cena bursts into Johnny Super Ace’s office and goes batshit crazy over Ryder being forced to defend his title against SwAngle when they knew he was not cleared. Ace responds by booking Cena against SwAngle…next.

Commercial.

John Cena v. Kurt SwAngle

The match never really starts as Cena just straight up murderball’s him. This was the inevitable next step in the Kane storyline, with Cena Skywalker embracing his hate. SwAngle gets absolutely destroyed here and just as Cena is about to squash him with ring steps, Kane’s music hits and he celebrates how easy it was to manipulate Cena before signaling for his pyro but missing the cue. Nice angle advancement…poor timing on the fire.

Commercial.

Brodus Clay w/ Funkasaurettes v. JTG

Brodus Clay dominates JTG who…wait…JTG? He’s still in the WWE? When the hell did this happen and why wasn’t I notified? Oh that’s right, because I don’t really care. Anyway, this was the same match he had with Hawkins only with JTG. Also, his finisher is called the “Aw Funky” and despite all the evidence to the contrary, I still love this gimmick. It’s silly, it’s different and it’s basically Dusty Rhodes with a bunch of tattoos and face like a cartoon character.

Commercial.

We’re back with footage of Big Show trucking AJ during the Smackdown World Title match. Daniel Bryan comes out to say that he blames Big Show for the injury and that he is pathetic. Bryan dedicates his match against Mark Henry on Friday to AJ and then says if he sees Big Show he will pay. Listen to what he say. He may eat some hay or sit by the bay.

Commercial.

Daniel Bryan, CM Punk & Chris Jericho v. Dolph Ziggler, Mark Henry & David Otunga

The entire opening portion of the match is built around teasing the Jericho tag, which works like a charm. Punk and Bryan both do great jobs at playing babyfaces-in-peril and every time they slowly climb for a hot tag, the place nearly erupted. Finally, Jericho is tagged in. He celebrates in every corner of the ring, tags in Bryan and bails up the ramp still celebrating. This mockery of how veterans act is fantastic. Now he’s highlighting those old school guys that come back for multi-person tag matches only to get their pop, get their hot tag and then head to the back.

Commercial.

Bryan tags in Punk but decides to confront Henry. He hits Mark and all Henry can do is ask if that’s the best he’s got. Bryan teases like he’s bailing but they brawl up the ramp and to the back. This leaves Punk in a 2-on-1 situation until Mick Foley comes out. He says that he was put in the match. Mick gets tagged in and he hits the DDT on Otunga and then the Mandible Claw (complete with Socko) for the win.

After the match Johnny Super Ace comes out to say that he never put Foley in the match and that the decision has been reversed. This leads Punk to snapping and he unleashes on Ace. He says that he gets shit on because unlike Ace, Punk is successful. He talks about how Ace could never be him and that he could never even be Animal. He says Ace can try to screw him but he will fail and then calls him pathetic before leaving.

Mick gives Ace a thumbs up. Ace promises to no longer be bullied and then he pops Foley. So there you go, the inevitable conclusion of this feud. Earlier in the night Johnny mentioned he would become the permanent RAW GM, and now we meet the guy who will challenge him for the position.

This has been for your consideration.

Tags: Andrew Wheeler, Andy Wheeler, brodus clay, chris jericho, cm punk, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, For Your Consideration, john cena, Mark Henry, Mick Foley, Raw, royal rumble, The Rock, wrestlemania, WWE

Andy Wheeler

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Reythehussein

Great column, Andrew! I thought this was the best Raw in weeks.

–R. Mundo
http://twitter.com/Kanta_Mizuno Ryan Alarie

Right on with the final line there. Punk (and Foley) finally got Johnny to go from passive agressive to full blown heel, which means the magic ‘board of executives’ now have an excuse (along with the Ryder thing) to end Johnny’s run as interem GM whenever they want to bring that plot point up, since the whole reason for him being in charge was because HHH was ‘allegedly’ just like Vince McMahon, which Ace has been as well. It basically justifies everything Punk was done in terms of being Johnny’s own Austin in that Punk has basically been doing what he set out to do before the Summer of Punk and during his feud with HHH, more or less, which is find out how to get rid of the authority figures that are ‘responsible’ for the crappy product (albeit from a kayfabe perspective). He’s proven to be much more effective than Austin who fought against Vince for years, while Punk is on pace to getting about 3 regime changes in less than a year.
Foxxxy

Maybe its just me but I honestly don’t know how Foley and Punk can be the face in any of this. 1 lets start with Foley wanting to be in the Rumble. I think Dolph made an excellent point about Foley would be taking the spot of guy who worked hard all year for the chance only for Foley to randomly show up and take it so his kids could see him wrestle. The only reason Dolph didn’t get credit for having a logical justified arguement is because he’s a heel and the only reason Foley wasn’t seen as being a selfish prick trying to hold on to the spot light is because he’s a face. Isn’t guys taking up spots way past their prime the exact thing ppl on this site bitch about non stop? As for the tag match. Was it John L. fault Punks partners left for one reason or another? No of course not. Foley wasn’t authorized to wrestle and lied to the official. Again this was only acceptable because he and Punk are faces. John L. did what was perfectly with in his position to do and I’d argue the only logical thing he could do. You cant just have wrestlers entering themselves into matches it would be anarchy. But because Punk didn’t get his way he starts throwing a tantrum and making personal attacks on John L. Once he leaves the ring Foley decides to pipe in. What business is it of Foley’s to begin with anyway? Let’s remember Foley is only angry because John L. 1 wouldnt let him just show up and compete in a match for a chance at the world title and 2 over turned a decision in a match Foley wasn’t legally participating in. If it hadn’t been for him lying to the ref the match would have ended in a DQ as soon as Foley touched anyone. I think there is only so much any person could take before they finally snapped which is what John L. finally did. Replace John L. with Teddy Long and replace Punk with Cody Rhodes and Foley with (insert retired heel) and the perception totally changes. As for the Ryder not being medically cleared to compete John L. came back stage to apologize for his mistake he took full responsibility before he could even finish what he was saying Eve has to chase him away yelling like a lunatic. For all we know John L. was going to reverse that decision too before she interupted. Regardless of what the end result was going to be of all of this one one thing I liked about the whole dynamic was John L. had never did anything that one could point to and say that was a totally unjust heal move. Anything that happend to the faces always seemed to happen by mistake or misunderstanding. In fact there are many times he bent over backward to allow for the faces to have what they want. Going away from Monday Night Raw I feel Punk is just childish and Bully. His rantings at Vince gave him so many new perks and now hes a face of the company so now he feels anytime something doesnt go even slightly his way he can bitch and moan and throw a fit until he gets his way. I’m happy John L. stood up for himself. I think John L. finally saying he would screw punk was more a result of the faces attack on him lately than what his original plans were all along.
Art Lorenzo

Well, Foxxxy’s statements would hold merit, if not for the fact that for the past two weeks, John L. has subtlely ( or blatantly) shown to screw Punk TWICE in single’s matches with Ziggler. 1) when kicking Vickie and Swagger out of the ring, then trying to get Punk’s attention, allowing Ziggler to get the win. And 2) Distracting the ref to get an exposed turnbuckle covered and when was running the ropes, John L. just happened to bring it down so that Punk will fall out and give Ziggler the countout victory. Now granted, Punk has been portrayed as a jerk to John L. for no good reason, but now these past few weeks has shown that John L. is screwing with Punk, and his full blown confession that he will screw Punk over at the Royal Rumble demonstrates that Punk is justified in his anger towards him.
Foxxxy

Well the ambigous nature of John L. actions are what I like. We’ve yet to have any evidence he is purposely screwing Punk. For instance kicking Vickie and Swagger at ringside. Ultimatly the distraction cost Punk the match however it is possible he was only trying to do what was right but went about it poorly. Pulling rope down was another instance of costing Punk a match however it was not shown to be a malicous act on John L. part. I think it would be very interesting if it were to turn out John L. was trying to do his job fairly yet Punk kept chastising him for everything. It would be the total opposite of every authority figure storyline ever. Obv this will never happen since John L. doesnt bring a lot to the table in terms of merch. sales and Punk is a cash cow. But I think time and time again Punk has shown himself to be the aggressor. And I think there is only so many times an authority figure could remain impartial when there is someone being as confrontational and abbrassive toward them as punk has been.
Limodriver

Wanting to be in the Royal Rumble isn’t remotely a heel move, nor is it taking the spot of a deserving youngster. Every year there is at least one spot reserved for a surprise entrant or two, usually a nostalgia pop. If you’re the WWE superstar who would otherwise have taken that spot, then the reality is that you’re the 29th or 30th most deserving superstar, not even counting wrestlers who aren’t in the match because they competed earlier in the card.

If Mick was taking Cody’s spot, or Wade Barrett’s spot, or even Brodus Clay’s spot, that would be one thing. But he’s taking JTG’s spot, and no one cares about JTG or would rather see him in the Rumble than Mick Foley.

And I don’t have anything to say about the Punk/Johnny Ace angle because I automatically fast forward whenever Johnny Ace is on, even if he’s in a segment with Punk, because Ace’s quantity of suck is greater than even Punk’s quantity of awesome. If I was watching a porn video starring the two hottest lesbians on the planet, and then Johnny Ace walked into the scene, even if he didn’t take off any clothes or do anything other than stand in the corner watching, I think I’d still fast forward to the next scene.
Foxxxy

I would argue it is a heel move. If we are speaking kayfabe then basically Mick Foley waltzs in and takes away a wrestlers shot at earning a main event spot at wrestlemania. What has Foley done to earn this in the last year? I would argue him taking JTG’s spot is actually worse than him taking Randy Ortons spot. Orton will obv get title shots regardless whether or not he wins or loses at the Rumble. However, from a kayfabe point of view the Rumble offers a chance for any entrant to earn a title shot. So in essence Foley is taking JTG’s one and only chance to wrestle for the title and at Wrestlmania no less. And he’s doing it simply to relive his glory days and allow his children to see him wrestle. Winning and going on to Wrestlemania is at most an after thought for him. This seems extremely selfish to me. If you take away the kayfabe he is still taking young guys spot for a ppv payday. A guy who travels and beats his body up all year long simply so another big name guy from yesteryear can come in get a pop and a quick easy payday then go back home for another 6 months until he wants to randomly show up again. Now obv Foley didn’t just decide to show up at Raw and declare himself in the Rumble. Obv vince, hhh, or someone brought him in but it doesnt change the fact his participation would have both kayfabe and real world consequences. Some sports allow for special entrants into their competitions. In bodybuilding for example has the Mr. Olympia as its biggest show of the year and you have place in the top 3 of a show throughout the year to be invited however, they also reserve the right to allow special invite competitors. Ronnie coleman competed a couple years ago as a special invite after he retired. I could understand Foley asking for a special invite spot say an entrant 31 spot. However, he didnt do that he asked for another wrestlers spot a spot he has done nothing to deserve this past year.
http://twitter.com/Kanta_Mizuno Ryan Alarie

The ambiguous nature seemed to be much more a case of deniability. John’s ‘gimmick’ was as a temporary GM to replace HHH (who replaced Vince/Anon GM), and so he needed to appear impartial in order to avoid attracting the boards attention. It was a case of both he and Punk knows what he’s doing, but no one can really prove that it’s him. Not to mention the constant texting is basically a giant flag saying “This is who texted Nash”. Even before the recent Punk stuff, it was obvious that Johnny was involved with Nash, Miz and Truth during the whole HHH is a bad GM storyline too. The “argument” that Johnny would have to defend himself would be that Punk was the aggressor … but that’s only because, until now, Johnny had been doing his stuff in a passive aggressive and/or hands off manner. Punk was at least calling him out to his face, while Johnny Ace would engage in more weasely/sneaky methods of messing with people in order to keep the facade of being impartial or not responsible.
http://twitter.com/Kanta_Mizuno Ryan Alarie

Of course, it’s hard to argue that JTG, who hasn’t been on Raw since before the last time Foley showed up, and only showed up because the Funkasaurus is getting to squash all the Superstar regulars leading up to the Rumble, has done much to ‘earn’ a spot in the Rumble either. They are already talking about how the people in other matches at the Rumble are allowed to participate, so they have a small enough roster where they need room to fill.

Asking for a shot isn’t a heel move (demanding a shot would be). Saying you are going to think about it and IMMEDIATELY saying no, is a heel move. Telling HHH you are going to do what he says and talk to Nash (who you ‘haven’t seen’) is a heel move. Telling HHH about a car accident that didn’t happen in order to take over for him for the rest of the show is a heel move.

Johnny Ace has, in storyline, done a lot of ‘honest mistakes’ that ended up screwing over faces.

Once is a mistake. Twice is a coincidence. He’s in the double digits by now … that’s a pattern. To argue he isn’t a heel is to argue that the mafia is a legitimate business just because they are discrete enough, lawyered up enough, and have enough corrupt cops/judges/politicians/etc to avoid being charged and convicted of wrong doing. From the moment he showed up (trying to screw Punk out of the title, albeit at Vince’s behest in order to prevent Punk from taking the belt with him as he left the company), he has been shown to be a heel who doesn’t want someone like Punk was champion (and similarly worked to replace HHH as Raw GM).
Fox_man63

Didn’t they basically demand a shot for Foley? Its not like they repectfully asked then accepted the decision. Once they didnt get the answer they wanted they threw a fit. And how long should Ace have taken to decide a no longer competing wrestler deserves a shot in the rumble? Obv I know Ace is a heel and will eventually screw Punk. I know this because I’ve watched wrestling before. What I’m saying is to this point Ace hasn’t done anything overtly heelish to screw over punk and therefore doesnt deserve the backlash he is recieving. Further more if punk were going to react that way it should have been when he lost the match do to Ace distracting the ref or when he pulled down the rope. Last monday everything Ace did was perfectly logical. It is his decision who competes and who doesn’t thats his job and it’s not like he said no to an actively competing face he said no to a retired wrestler. For all we know he said No to protect Foley from getting hurt in such a dangerous match when he is well past his prime. As for the match Foley I don’t know how anyone can argue Ace being in the wrong for what he did. Foley was cleared to participate and he lied to the official. Punk and Foley attacked Ace for the least heel thing he’d done since becoming the interim GM