Guest column courtesy of Sideshowbob:
A while back we got onto the topic of ‘dream matchups’ during an instalment of The Common Denominator… I propose a few suggestions that may raise some eyebrows. They weren’t listed strictly for entertainment sake alone, some got into more deep philosophical reasons, thereby lending entirely too much credence to something like pro wrestling. But, either way, here we are.
This is based on their WWF(E) careers. Don’t bother telling me how awesome someone was in Stampede or NJPW, because I probably haven’t seen it, so my opinion won’t be changed anytime soon. I’m going to explain each of these although I think some are very apparent even to regular readers like (K)(C)or(ey)(y)(ie). Then again some others would make long time “analysts” like Scott Keith disappear into the bathroom and come out all dishevelled…
So without further ado… Here are my proposed dream matches placed in the order I think they’d be in a live show…
Ladies and gentlemen the following bout is set for one fall and has a 15 minute time limit…
Dino Bravo vs Mark Henry
You want your strongman matchup? Here you go. Both have legit claims to serious strength, although both liberally exaggerate their claims. Can either really wrestle a 15 minute match and be the one calling the shots? Not with what has been shown. Most likely Dino would be evil foreign strongman, and Henry would be arrogant American. Frenchy Martin gets involved, and both brawl out into the entranceway.
Ruling: Double DQ at appox 8 mins
Was this a good bout? No. But it got the matchup out of the way, spilled out into the audience, and didn’t take up too much time. A couple feats of strength would be shown and hindsight would say Mark Henry of today is actually a real lucky guy. He doesn’t show much more than Dino, has arguable less charisma, yet was booked to be champ.
The next contest scheduled for one fall has a 30 minute time limit…
Dolph Ziggler vs. Joe Hennig
I really wish the younger Hennig was allowed to showcase his talents more. If he could, this would be a great match to see. I think the first 10 mins would be Hennig on the offense until he takes that damn monkeyflip into the corner… Then Ziggler dominates! Hennig’s selling would be spot on until at about the 25 minute mark, he reverses and shows Ziggler that he too has the same weakness to the dreaded Greco-Roman Monkey Flip. (Yes another columnist stole my thunder about this, props to whomever). So with the “2 minutes remaining in this match” warning, Ziggler starts to rally but Hennig reverses into the PerfectPlex to end it.
Winner: Hennig @ 29:15
If this had the correct amount of selling, it could easily be one of the best possible matches ever. The problem is that both can actually oversell at times, so I guess this is one of those best left for debate. There is no wrong answer…
Bonus “Match”: Zack Ryder v Brutus the Barber Beefcake
Let’s face it. Career-wise in the company, both are clones of each other. You want Hogan? Beat up Brutus. You want Cena? Go after Ryder. Punch kick Woo Woo Woo… Let’s just say Ryder misses the rough Ryder, Beefcake locks in the sleeper, Ryder makes it to the ropes, and catches the Beefer in a rollup. This match would be about 12 mins, inoffensive, safe, and no clear winner, just one guy got lucky first. And we all know Ryder wouldn’t get the clipper treatment anyway…
Owen Hart vs Chris Jericho
Well we all know from the man himself that this was Jericho’s dream match (go read his book!). Owen ALWAYS put people over strong, yet so does Jericho. So for me the dilemma would be which incarnation of each shows up… If it’s any version of face Jericho, he loses. Period. But his latest heel incarnation vs Black Hart Owen, or Team Canada Owen would make for a really good fast paced match. Not quite as good as Jericho vs Michaels from WM, but still a damn good match that would make Scott Keith run for a cold shower. My guess?
Jericho wins after underhanded tactics.
Jake Roberts vs. Finlay
I’d love to see the brawl that would happen here. Both have awesome psychology. Promos leading up to this, I’d tip my hat to Roberts. During the match itself? Finlay would win. Roberts never seemed to win his big matches. Both guys always seemed to be in positions of making other people look good. Neither ever really complained either. For every main-eventer, there is always someone coming up through the ranks that needs to be tested by someone with a good grasp of the audience reaction. That is what these guys served. And both were pretty good at it. If they won, nobody would be surprised. If they lost, people got worked up. That’s a good place to be. Also, with any luck, Damien eats Hornswoggle.
WWE Championship Match: Macho Man Randy Savage vs. CM Punk
Man, this would be a fun match. Back-and-forth, great storytelling. Both have always been ‘the guy just below THE company guy’ (Hogan & Cena respectively). In both cases, we knew (Punk or Macho) would run the company guy ragged… So, lined up, this is one of those I’d love to see as a 60 minute match. Or 2 out of 3 falls. Either way. This would be one of those matches that gets compared to the 60 min time limit draws from Steamboat & Flair. Or, I’d like to think so anyways. Promos up to it would be great, the match would deliver, and all in all, Punk retains after the Macho Elbow drops on him AT the 60 minute mark, leaving no time to count a pinfall…
Random ideas jumbled together into a column. What was the point? To say why I think some of these matches would be good to have. Even guys like Mark Henry and Dino Bravo have their places on the card. Some wrestlers put asses in seats. Some people build others. Some are just the threat of the day. Either way, everyone has a place… Even if it is in Damien’s belly.
So until next time – If you were to only watch one WWF/E ppv/dvd/blu-ray release from now on, which would it be?
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