Sideshowbob’s World: Dream Matchups? Now Showing At A WWE House Show Near You (CM Punk, Randy Savage, Owen Hart, Chris Jericho)
by CB on February 24, 2012

Guest column courtesy of Sideshowbob:

A while back we got onto the topic of ‘dream matchups’ during an instalment of The Common Denominator… I propose a few suggestions that may raise some eyebrows. They weren’t listed strictly for entertainment sake alone, some got into more deep philosophical reasons, thereby lending entirely too much credence to something like pro wrestling. But, either way, here we are.

This is based on their WWF(E) careers. Don’t bother telling me how awesome someone was in Stampede or NJPW, because I probably haven’t seen it, so my opinion won’t be changed anytime soon. I’m going to explain each of these although I think some are very apparent even to regular readers like (K)(C)or(ey)(y)(ie). Then again some others would make long time “analysts” like Scott Keith disappear into the bathroom and come out all dishevelled…

So without further ado… Here are my proposed dream matches placed in the order I think they’d be in a live show…

Ladies and gentlemen the following bout is set for one fall and has a 15 minute time limit…

Dino Bravo vs Mark Henry

You want your strongman matchup? Here you go. Both have legit claims to serious strength, although both liberally exaggerate their claims. Can either really wrestle a 15 minute match and be the one calling the shots? Not with what has been shown. Most likely Dino would be evil foreign strongman, and Henry would be arrogant American. Frenchy Martin gets involved, and both brawl out into the entranceway.

Ruling: Double DQ at appox 8 mins

Was this a good bout? No. But it got the matchup out of the way, spilled out into the audience, and didn’t take up too much time. A couple feats of strength would be shown and hindsight would say Mark Henry of today is actually a real lucky guy. He doesn’t show much more than Dino, has arguable less charisma, yet was booked to be champ.

The next contest scheduled for one fall has a 30 minute time limit…

Dolph Ziggler vs. Joe Hennig

I really wish the younger Hennig was allowed to showcase his talents more. If he could, this would be a great match to see. I think the first 10 mins would be Hennig on the offense until he takes that damn monkeyflip into the corner… Then Ziggler dominates! Hennig’s selling would be spot on until at about the 25 minute mark, he reverses and shows Ziggler that he too has the same weakness to the dreaded Greco-Roman Monkey Flip. (Yes another columnist stole my thunder about this, props to whomever). So with the “2 minutes remaining in this match” warning, Ziggler starts to rally but Hennig reverses into the PerfectPlex to end it.

Winner: Hennig @ 29:15

If this had the correct amount of selling, it could easily be one of the best possible matches ever. The problem is that both can actually oversell at times, so I guess this is one of those best left for debate. There is no wrong answer…

Bonus “Match”: Zack Ryder v Brutus the Barber Beefcake

Let’s face it. Career-wise in the company, both are clones of each other. You want Hogan? Beat up Brutus. You want Cena? Go after Ryder. Punch kick Woo Woo Woo… Let’s just say Ryder misses the rough Ryder, Beefcake locks in the sleeper, Ryder makes it to the ropes, and catches the Beefer in a rollup. This match would be about 12 mins, inoffensive, safe, and no clear winner, just one guy got lucky first. And we all know Ryder wouldn’t get the clipper treatment anyway…

Intermission

Owen Hart vs Chris Jericho

Well we all know from the man himself that this was Jericho’s dream match (go read his book!). Owen ALWAYS put people over strong, yet so does Jericho. So for me the dilemma would be which incarnation of each shows up… If it’s any version of face Jericho, he loses. Period. But his latest heel incarnation vs Black Hart Owen, or Team Canada Owen would make for a really good fast paced match. Not quite as good as Jericho vs Michaels from WM, but still a damn good match that would make Scott Keith run for a cold shower. My guess?

Jericho wins after underhanded tactics.

Jake Roberts vs. Finlay

I’d love to see the brawl that would happen here. Both have awesome psychology. Promos leading up to this, I’d tip my hat to Roberts. During the match itself? Finlay would win. Roberts never seemed to win his big matches. Both guys always seemed to be in positions of making other people look good. Neither ever really complained either. For every main-eventer, there is always someone coming up through the ranks that needs to be tested by someone with a good grasp of the audience reaction. That is what these guys served. And both were pretty good at it. If they won, nobody would be surprised. If they lost, people got worked up. That’s a good place to be. Also, with any luck, Damien eats Hornswoggle.

WWE Championship Match: Macho Man Randy Savage vs. CM Punk

Man, this would be a fun match. Back-and-forth, great storytelling. Both have always been ‘the guy just below THE company guy’ (Hogan & Cena respectively). In both cases, we knew (Punk or Macho) would run the company guy ragged… So, lined up, this is one of those I’d love to see as a 60 minute match. Or 2 out of 3 falls. Either way. This would be one of those matches that gets compared to the 60 min time limit draws from Steamboat & Flair. Or, I’d like to think so anyways. Promos up to it would be great, the match would deliver, and all in all, Punk retains after the Macho Elbow drops on him AT the 60 minute mark, leaving no time to count a pinfall…

Random ideas jumbled together into a column. What was the point? To say why I think some of these matches would be good to have. Even guys like Mark Henry and Dino Bravo have their places on the card. Some wrestlers put asses in seats. Some people build others. Some are just the threat of the day. Either way, everyone has a place… Even if it is in Damien’s belly.

So until next time – If you were to only watch one WWF/E ppv/dvd/blu-ray release from now on, which would it be?

Sideshowbob




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CB

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  • CB40

    Thanks for another entertaining and awesome contribution bob!

  • Sideshowbob

    Thanks CB… you need to answer the final question too!

  • Steven Gepp

    I’m going to assume that question is like a Desert Island Discs question – pick one and watch it because you got nothing else. So, with all the discs that have been released, what one could I watch over and over again? Well, the one I’ve watched most is Triumph and Tragedy of WCCW, but I couldn’t have just that – it’s too depressing. So, how about Best of Starrcade, because it’s got lots of matches, different guys in each, and I was a WCW mark back in the day.

  • CB40

    To answer your question, if I had to pick just one DVD, it would be Andy Kaufman I’m from Hollywood.

    If it was one PPV with multiple matches, it would be WrestleMania IV with the tournament. Loved that so much and it always gets lost in the shuffle.

  • James A

    Your DVD question is impossible. If this were early 2007, I’d say Chris Benoit: Hard Knocks. But I haven’t watched that DVD since “the event” – far too depressing.
    If possible, I’ll wait for my dream WWE release – a proper 3- or 4-disc retrospective of the Undertaker’s career, with his best matches and a non-kayfabed interview with the man himself… I don’t know if a collection like that will ever happen, though!

  • Sideshowbob

    I have my plan for someday when im in a nursing home. Just put it on repeat… I have it narrowed down to the SNME set, Macho Man set, Hell in a Cell set, Jericho set, WM3, Flairs Rumble… if it is just 1 pay per view though it has to come down to WM3 or the rumble flair won… Either way my 1000yd stare would be pacified…

  • Sideshowbob

    Its no different, only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned…
    Taker doesn’t break kayfabe, so that won’t happen. The dude never bothered to break character when friends and coworkers died. I like his character, and the spectacle. But as a person, he is the leader of this archaic backstage hierarchy code and was too wrapped in believing his own character that he couldn’t break character for coworker deaths, tribute shows, etc. Like I said I like the character but I think the guy behind it is kind of a douche…

    Anyone caught that commercial for the upcoming Monster Man show where the main guy looks like a tranny undertaker??

  • Sideshowbob

    WM4 is a respectable choice…

  • Mark

    Taker represents the good side of the old backstage code (as opposed to say JBL and his ass-raping ways). But that has nothing to do with his not appearing on the tribute shows for dead wrestlers. That is obviously due to his character being an undertaker, which would be in incredibly bad taste. Would you want him to really have come on RAW and wished Eddy to “rest in peace”?

  • Mark

    And don’t you feel a bit strange accusing Taker of never breaking kayfabe, while also calling the man behind the character a douche? How does that work?

  • James A

    I seem to remember Power Slam magazine reporting something similar on the matter a while back, actually. On the one hand, WWE brass don’t want a guy who calls himself “Undertaker” come out to pay tribute to a deceased wrestler, because it’d be in very bad taste (even for WWE), and on the other hand they don’t want to strip Taker of the character for such occasions because he’s the most successful kayfabed character in pro wrestling history.
    The safest thing is to keep him off of television altogether.

    Which isn’t to say that he doesn’t come out to pay his respects after the cameras stop rolling… In 2008 at Ric Flair’s retirement show Taker was allowed to come down to the ring after Raw went off the air so that he could bow to Naitch and give him a manly hug. The clip’s on YouTube somewhere… (as is one where Taker dances with Hornswoggle – again, for live fans only!).

  • Sideshowbob

    As is stated below by another comment or, his character is considered such a franchise that even when the rest of the company breaks ranks, he still doesn’t. All or none. if nobody did and he did, ok code of the road. If everyone else did though and he didn’t, then it’s to protect a character. Believe me, i said the same lines when Kane Hodder started using lines like Jason wouldn’t do that… But even then, he sepersted himself from the character for the fans which Booger Red refuses to do.

  • Mark

    In that case, it sounds like he’s doing the right thing for the company. You can’t speak for all the fans that they want Taker to break character. He can break character post-retirement, and we’ll all buy that DVD.

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