Inside Pulse Wrestling | The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant

The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 07.09.12

by Scott Keith on July 9, 2012

The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 07.09.12

I’m watching this live, without the benefit of DVR, this week, so if I’m a little crazy by the end bear with me. Plus I’m doing the Destination X rant right afterwards so at least I’ve got that to look forward to.

Live from Denver, CO.

Your hosts are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler

AJ joins us and brings out CM Punk, confronting him for calling her a crazy chick on “Friday”. Smackdown was on Tuesday, AJ. She talks about how much Punk turns her on, and drops to her knees…for a marriage proposal. Punk’s uncomfortable looks here show he probably has experience with this sort of thing, although sadly Daniel Bryan interrupts before he can answer. He still has feelings for her, and thinks that Punk that is only playing her because she’s the referee. Bryan has a proposal of his own and they get into a boring argument before THE ANONYMOUS RAW GM interrupts. Oh god. So this gives us Punk & AJ v. Bryan & Eve. Also, Jericho & Show v. Kane & Cena, because they’ve never done that before.

Sheamus v. Jack Swagger

Nice to see them switching it up from having Sheamus beat Dolph every week. Swagger tries the pump splash and gets caught with the White Noise, and the brogue kick finishes at 1:00. Hey, remember when Swagger was World champion? Anyone? DUD Goddamn I wish that RAW wasn’t constrained by this ridiculously short two-hour running time so matches like this could get time to breathe! I bet this would have run two, or maybe even THREE minutes if they’d hurry up and go to three hours! ADR cuts in for a promo after the match, so Sheamus gives Swagger another brogue kick, just because he probably forgot to shake hands with someone backstage and we as fans DESERVE to see him punished on national TV for it.

Meanwhile, Santino pledges to reveal the identity of the anonymous GM. Hilarity will no doubt ensue.

Dolph Ziggler & Tensai v. Tyson Kidd & Christian

Nobody gets entrances here, because there’s just too much good stuff to cram into two hours! We need a third hour right now! Why the fuck won’t Obama deal with this national crisis instead of boring stuff like health care? The heels work on Kidd in the corner, but Christian comes in and hits Tensai with a missile dropkick. Tensai comes back with the corner splasn and senton for the pin at 1:23. Kidd gets destroyed like a job guy by Tensai afterwards, just so we don’t forget he is one. ½*

Meanwhile, Cole and Lawler argue who the new GM is going to be and get into a fight over it, so the GM buzzes in and makes Cole v. Lawler tonight. Cole is upset over this, because tonight he’s a heel, for some reason. I think they should make “for some reason” the new GM, because that’s who ends up booking all their matches anyway. Although in reality it’s going to be “The WWE Universe” because then they do all the stupid “interactive” shit they want to do and make people think that picking guest timekeepers or different variations on hardcore matches is making a difference.

Brodus Clay v. Drew McIntyre

And we’re 10 steps back for Clay again. Drew attacks and gets nowhere, as he goes up and lands on a headbutt, and Clay finishes with the splash at 0:33. Gotta build him back up so they can beat him in a meaningless squash again! DUD

Meanwhile, Santino finds Jericho and accuses him of being the computer, and that leads to TENSION between Jericho and Big Show. Holy shit, two guys fighting at the PPV might not get along in their tag team match? This is UNHEARD OF!

RAW 1000 Moment: Hunter and Steph renew their (fake) wedding vows in a godawful storyline where Steph faked a pregnancy.

John Cena & Kane v. Big Show & Chris Jericho

Holy shit, they finally remembered that there’s a PPV this Sunday! Cena is out first to do the hard sell for the PPV, as he promises to win Money In The Bank and CHANGE THE LANDSCAPE of WWE. Yeah, John, win that 14^th World title and SHAKE THINGS UP! Also, John promises that the unstoppable Big Show will be STOPPED by his hand. Why do they keep forgetting that Cena ALREADY DID THAT last month? Cena beats on Jericho to start, and is it me or is that ring shaking tonight more than it should be? Show comes in and tries a chokeslam, but Cena tags out to Kane. Kane and Show slug it out in the corner and Show puts him down with a clothesline, and Jericho gets in a cheapshot. Is Kane supposed to be a babyface now or what’s the deal with that, exactly? Show continues pounding on Kane, but Jericho comes in and gets caught in the babyface corner. Cena with a clothesline in the corner for two, but Jericho distracts the ref and Show gets the shot from the outside to make Cena YOUR superman-in-peril as we take a break. Back with Show working him over in the corner, but Cena tries a slam that backfires. Cena immediately fights back again instead of twitching on the ground like Hogan used to do, but Show catches him with a bearhug. Cena fights back with a backdrop suplex and makes the hot tag to Kane, and a DDT gets two. Show spears him and now Kane gets beat up and Jericho chokes him out on the ropes. And we take ANOTHER break. Back with Jericho holding a chinlock, but it’s hot tag Cena. FIVE MOVES OF DOOM for Jericho, but Show pulls Cena out at two for the DQ?! What kind of a stupid fucking finish is that supposed to be? Show destroys both Kane and Jericho with ladders because he’s UNSTOPPABLE, even though he just lost the match. But that was, like, a whole 30 seconds ago, so we’ve likely forgotten already. Cena of course single-handedly saves both Kane and Jericho and cleans up all the ladders for the ring crew.

Meanwhile, Eve gives Punk some advice about making sure AJ stays happy so she doesn’t screw Punk out of the belt. She notes that although Punk already gets overshadowed by John Cena, Big Show, HHH, Brock Lesnar and everyone else above him, being overshadowed by AJ must be particularly hurtful. I love shoot comments that aren’t supposed to be shoot comments.

Sin Cara v. Heath Slater

Winner gets the last slot in the Smackdown MITB match. Slater pounds away and gets two, then goes to the chinlock. Sin Cara comes back with a flying armdrag and a crossbody, and La Mistica finishes at 1:30. ½* Slater bitches about the loss afterwards and demands any former champion so he can beat them up. This brings out Bob Backlund, who’s looking pretty good for someone his age. Crowd doesn’t really care, of course. Bob gives him the crossface chickenwing, and Cole cuts in to announce that the WWE.com poll has made the match against Lawler official now.

Speaking of the internet, apparently Hunico & Camacho will get a tag title shot on Youtube before the PPV. This would lead a rational person to wonder what happened to the Prime Time Playaz being the #1 contenders, but this show has killed my rationality so I won’t bother.

Michael Cole v. Jerry Lawler

Josh and Booker take over on commentary, which I guess is to explain why they’re still there for the Smackdown tapings. Booker immediately throws Cole into the ring, and Cole wants a handshake, but Lawler gives him an airplane spin and pins him at 0:48. But where’s the BBQ sauce bath? But then the RAW GM buzzes in and declares the decision is reversed for some reason. Santino interrupts this stupidity and declares that the GM must be UNDER THE RING. You’d think that Big Show would have seen him when he was under the ring getting ladders earlier. Santino goes to investigate, revealing that in fact Hornswoggle is the GM. Because the stupidest fucking thing they can think of is always the payoff. Why would he care who wins or loses these matches? I hate this show so, so much. And there’s still AJ to come!

Eve & Daniel Bryan v. CM Punk & AJ

Bryan throws kicks in the corner on Punk to start, but AJ tags herself in. Eve tries pounding on her, but AJ gets a spear that defies the laws of physics, only to have Eve throw something that looked like it was intended to be a kick and get her own. AJ fights back with a spinkick, as she makes Brock Lesnar look like a light worker, and Bryan decides to walk out, allowing AJ to roll up Eve at 3:16. DUD. And then it’s MORE SOAP OPERA BULLSHIT, as Punk cares about her too much to use her to keep his title. SINCE WHEN? Who is this person who looks like CM Punk but has clearly traded in his pipebomb for a vagina? AJ slaps him and Punk does nothing because he’s a giant pussy now, but AJ also slaps Bryan. SMELL THE BUYRATE.

The Pulse

Did Vince Russo get hired again and no one told me? Just wondering.

THREE HOURS of this shitty show coming in two weeks! Three fucking hours, people. They can’t even remember that Smackdown aired on Tuesday LAST WEEK or that John Cena already beat Big Show at LAST MONTH’S PPV, and they’re gonna have to book a THREE HOUR SHOW. EVERY FUCKING WEEK. With Twitter polls! You know, for the kids. And Rock actually WANTS to come back to this disaster?

Tags: AJ, Charlie Sheen, Hornswoggle is ALWAYS the payoff, kill me now, needed more Flip Cassanova, not enough alcohol in the world for this crap, Raw, Santino = Hilarity, seriously this show has to be a rib on us right?, SmarK Rants, Supershow, this show sucks

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Scott Keith

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cott Keith is a wrestling blogger and general smart-ass, residing at rspwfaq.net, aka Scott's Blog of Doom! Scott began slacking off in Computing Science classes in university, and discovered the wonderful world of writing online in 1993, and has never looked back since then. Scott was best known for being a part of CBS's short-lived Wrestleline.com project in 1999, where he reviewed WCW's Thunder TV show, and eventually Monday Night RAW. After the closure of that site, he moved to 411wrestling.com (later 411mania) and did RAW and Smackdown rants there until moving to Insidepulse.com. Meanwhile, Scott launched his own semi-famous sites, Rantsylvania.com and TheSmarks.com (featured in Entertainment Weekly...once.) before deciding on the lower-drama world of blogging instead in 2006. Since then, Scott has resided at rspwfaq.com (and later rspwfaq.net when traffic threatened to bring down the previous server!), covering WWE RAW and trying to stay awake through it. Oh, did I mention that he also published five books? Starting in 2001 with The Buzz on Pro Wrestling, followed by four books for Kensington Publishing, including Tonight...In This Very Ring, Wrestling's One Ring Circus, Wrestling's Made Men, and finally Dungeon of Death. Scott lives in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, with his wife and ridiculously cute daughter. For more information on Scott Keith, you can visit your local library. Or just go to his blog at www.rspwfaq.net. Either way.

Follow on Twitter · Follow on Facebook · Email Scott Keith

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Hobu0

Destination X was awesome. You know its done right when the babyface feel good moment is the one questionable thing about the show (should roode have retained?)
http://twitter.com/Kanta_Mizuno Ryan Alarie

“Punk cares about her too much to use her to keep his title. SINCE WHEN? Who is this person who looks like CM Punk but has clearly traded in his pipebomb for a vagina? AJ slaps him and Punk does nothing because he’s a giant pussy now, but AJ also slaps Bryan”

Well, putting aside all the pussy talk … umm, how does speaking truth to power equate to lying to a woman to keep your title? The whole pipebomb thing was about speaking his mind even if it was probably going to hurt him politically. It was about not saying what you ‘should’ say. Which is pretty much EXACTLY what he is doing here. Is the storyline something ridiculous that he would have made fun of during one of those pipebombs? Maybe. However, he’s mostly played this angle as a guy who’s been put into a weird situation he doesn’t exactly want to be in. His suddenly ‘caring’ about AJ may seem like a change, or him lying to her, but he’s been alternatingly amused by her, and worried about her, so ‘caring’ isn’t much of a leap from that point.

Honestly, I don’t remember pipebomber CM Punk going around lying, cheating and stealing to win at all costs and beating up women who slap him, etc.

You may not enjoy the soap opera stuff … but you can’t go out of your way to say that Punk is acting out of character. You COULD accuse him of selling out, but you have to be INSANELY naive to think that Punk’s pipebomb would lead to him having one of the longest title reigns in recent memory AND him getting complete creative control, as well as I guess Paul Heyman taking over booking, while Steph, HHH and Vince are tied up in a basement somewhere to prevent them from providing input into the show. Punk could have been an idiot martyr, standing by his principles and thus just leaving with the title and never going back … OR he could have brought to a place while, where there IS still bullshit with Cole, and soap operas, and Cena, and Hornswaggle, we are seeing Punk vs. Bryan for the WWE title. On MULTIPLE PPVs.

And yes, losing a tag match by DQ because you saved your partner from losing is OBVIOUSLY a sign of weakness that the ‘E is trying to cleverly hide by having the Big Show immediately beat everyone up. OR, it could be that it’s a meaningless tag match and Big Show doesn’t give a fuck about winning or losing it, and instead just takes an opportunity to beat the fuck out of his opponents for the PPV.

I understand you didn’t enjoy the show, but it undermines your point when you just pull shit out of your ass to complain about, instead of sticking to the actual stuff that’s a problem. Losing a tag match by DQ has no bearing on a LADDER MATCH that ISN’T A TAG MATCH and is NO DQ? Since there is no way that what ‘stopped’ Big Show would stop him in the MITB match, it in no one undermines his unstoppability.
Cynical Bastard

Sounds like I missed the most entertaining part of the show by fast forwarding over the segment where Eve lists all the people ahead of Punk on the card even though he holds the company’s biggest prize. This was a particularly lousy Raw.
http://www.rspwfaq.com Scott Keith

You picked a strange show to defend and put way more thought into it than they did.

I would rather never see Punk v. Bryan again than have to be embarrassed to watch the show like I was tonight. But if that’s your cup of tea, more power to you. Enjoy throwing your money away.
JM

Let’s look on the bright side….The Punk-Bryan feud looks like it might main event at MITB. Eve’s self-aware put-down of Punk, combined with the fact that the events related to this angle opened and closed the show would lead one to believe that the WWE actually has some confidence in this dorky trio.

Wrestling is always part soap opera. Casual fans need drama. They need a reason to care beyond the “workrate.” The Attitude Era didn’t revitalize the WWE because of the quality of the matches (although there were, of course, many quality matches), it revitalized the WWE because of the tremendous charisma of the characters. WWE had a whole host of edgy, rebellious characters, none more prominent and captivating than SCSA. Also, parading a bunch of scantily clad women around didn’t hurt either.

Also, even if I concede that AJ’s involvement has gone a little overboard, I can’t deny the growing popularity of her character. This feud had made AJ star. This feud has made Bryan look like he’s on the same level as CM Punk. It’s accomplished a great deal, despite its faults. You’re gonna have a 5-star match on Sunday, where EVERYONE in the arena that everyone in the arena will have a strong opinion about. I’m looking forward to it, and so should you.
Skeith

Hmm..

http://dwayne.johnson.mediafetcher.com/news/top_stories/actor_new_zealand.php
Steven Gepp

In 2010, same story with Will Smith. In 2007 same story with Jeff Goldblum. In 2006 same story with Sylvester Stallone.

*sigh*
Flamingwombat

“Johnson is NOT dead.

He’s alive and well.

“I would love to meet the person who is starting rumors of my death – to show them how a dead foot feels up their a**,” he just tweeted.”
http://twitter.com/BlairADouglas Blair A. Douglas

RAW sounds like a pure shitpile this week. And I’m not going to defend the AJ thing either, BUT… it doesn’t mean that Punk and Bryan’s match won’t be good at the PPV.
hamza222

bitch if u dont like this shitty show dont watch it
Cristo

on the plus side here is this weeks “Raw in approx 5 mins” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKGA_DXb-wU&list=UUh6-UJVtKq7BZTCHuwiHtDA&index=1&feature=plcp this week known as “My love for professional wrestling slowly dying in roughly 5 mins”
Cristo

It does say the entire site is fake right at the bottom of the page.
Penny Sautereau-Fife

Scott? The show’s also apparently killed your hearing. If the crowd weren’t interested in Vacklund, I suppose I was imagining the decent pop and the “You still got it” chants?

RIIIIIIIIGHT.

Which once again proves my theory; Scott Kieth is a drunken twonk.
Badjer74

I agree that Punk is still the same Punk, even in this recent set of circumstances. His character is more amused and bewildered by AJ’s behavior than anything else. (He’s a far cry from Ryan Gosling in “The Notebook” — oh yes I did just make that reference!) But I have to agree with Scott’s underlying point found swimming amid his sarcasm: The writing is lazy, and that does a disservice to the fans. The storylines are filled with holes, character development is stymied or dismissed, as Scott points out. AJ gets the day of the week wrong; could be an innocent mistake, but this is the BIG TIME and you can’t excuse it. Paying attention to detail is part of (along with compelling storylines, new ideas and charismatic “talent”) is what can turn a sloppy show into a crisp, eye-grabbing, just gotta watch show.
SuperJ

That pop was not decent. It was pretty quiet and tepid when his music hit because no one recognized it and the you still got it chants were soft and didn’t last longer than 10 seconds, 15 tops. Backlund was a nostalgia act in the early 90′s. Now, hes just that old guy that Bret Hart beat up 20 years ago. Big letdown after Vader, Piper, DDP, etc.
http://twitter.com/BlairADouglas Blair A. Douglas

That, and you stole my word. And your little blurb beside your name is embarrassing.
Paul

that show was awful and the fact anyone defends it is embarrassing as hell for fellow fans