Hello ladies and gentlemen, yes all
8 3 of you. Welcome to the 123,112,233,244,445,435,535,353,353,353,3536,363,363,363th most popular piece of literature on the board, The Superstar Report.
Titus O’Neil w/ Darren Young & Abraham Washington vs. Primo w/ Epico & Rosa Mendes
The 2 competitors lock-up and O’Neil throws him down with authority. Primo uses his speed to slip behind O’Neil and apply a side headlock. O’Neil pushes him off and meets him coming off the ropes with a stiff shoulder-block. O’Neil tries to keep the pressure on but Primo avoids a right hand and springs off the ropes with a cross-body then quickly uses a shoulder lock. O’Neil breaks the hold with a right hand and throws Primo out of the ring. O’Neil bounces his head off the apron and rolls him back in for 2. O’Neil chokes Primo with his right hand then sweeps his leg with his right foot to drive him into the mat. I swear his trunks are 2-sizes-too-small. Primo fights back with body blows and gets cut-off with a knee to the gut. He’s then chocked on the middle rope and gets a right foot placed on his neck. Primo goes for a sunset flip after a reversed Irish-whip and gets picked up and thrown into a corner. O’Neil levels him with a corner lariat and A.W. taunts him. We can hear him because he’s wearing that headset. I will cheer like a groupie at a rock concert the day someone knocks it off of his swollen head. O’Neil drops a pair of shoulders for 2. O’Neil uses a headlock, Primo gets to his feet, O’Neil is all like “L.O.L. nope!” and shoves him down. O’Neil picks him up and gets a jawbreaker. Primo gets both boots up to repel O’Neil as he charges into the corner then jumps off the middle rope to connect with the ugliest overhead chop I’ve ever seen. Primo connects with a few left hands and goes for another sunset flip after a reversed Irish-whip but gets a knee to the gut. Titus charges and gets dropped onto the second rope with a toe hold. Primo follows up with a leapfrog body guillotine. Young tries to interfere and gets a dropkick on the outside from Epico. O’Neil shoves a distracted Primo into the second rope and sets him up for a backdrop suplex, Primo lands on his feet and uses a schoolboy to get the victory at
Rob Cabildo vs. Kofi Kingston
Kofi extends his hand in friendship and Cabildo rejects it! I fear you may come to regret that sir. Cabildo applies a wrist lock. Kofi does a few flips and applies a wrist lock of his own and flips Cabildo onto his back for a 1-count. Kofi uses a side headlock. Cabildo escapes and hooks Kofi in a wrist lock then turns it into a side headlock of his own. Kofi pushes him off but gets knocked down with a shoulder block. Y’know I’ve typed similar sentences many times now. Is that a part of the basics that they teach at wrestling school?
Anywho Cabildo hits the ropes and Kofi leapfrogs him twice before connecting with a jumping back elbow for 1. Kingston goes from a wristlock to a front face-lock and Cabildo bum-rushes him into a corner. He lays into him with boots to the chest and hits him with a body slam. Kofi immediately kicks out but Rob stays on him with a front face-lock. Kofi gets to his feet but a knee to the gut forces him to take a knee. Rob hops onto the middle turnbuckle for a dropkick and Kofi swats him down. Kingston is in control now and goes to work with a pair of chops, a dropkick, a jumping lariat and The Boom Drop (double leg drop). Kofi finishes things up with the Trouble In Paradise.
Antonio Cesaro w/ Aksana vs. Alex Riley
Fireman’s carry takedown by Cesaro to start. Cesario with an attempted front face-lock and Riley escapes and applies a wrist lock. Cesario goes for a wrist lock of his own and A-Ry reverses the reversal so Cesaro has to get to the ropes to force the break. A-Ry puts his hands up. This proves to be a bad move as Cesaro throws a quick back elbow and uses a headlock takedown. Riley gets to his feet and breaks the hold but gets knocked down by Cesaro on the rebound. Cesaro applies another headlock, A-Ry escapes again and this time he catches his opponent by surprise with a dropkick. A kick to the knee puts Cesaro in the perfect position for a single-leg dropkick and Cesaro kicks out at 1. Riley uses a headlock takedown and maintains the hold. Cesaro escapes the hold with a forearm shot to the back. He tries to whip Riley into a corner but is thrown into it himself and gets a jumping lariat. Riley lands a few mounted punches but is distracted by Aksana and gets flapjacked neck-first across the top rope. A big boot and elbow drop gets a pair of 2-counts for Cesaro. He applies a headlock and when Riley tries to escapes he slams him into the mat with his left arm. He then places Riley’s head between his leg and twist them, wrenching the neck. Riley fights out of another headlock and throws Cesaro into a corner. Cesaro catches him coming in with a boot to the face and dead-lifts him off the mat for a gut-wrench suplex for 2. Cesaro sits-up Riley and hits a splash to the back of the neck for 2. Cesaro goes for another pin and gets 2. Cesaro twist Riley’s neck some more and Riley turns the tables with a backdrop suplex. Riley makes the comeback with a pair of lariats and a spinebuster. Cesaro stumbles to a corner, Riley charges and gets catapulted over the top rope but lands on the apron. Cesaro gets a shoulder to the gut as he charges and Riley ascends to the top turnbuckle for a diving clothesline and gets 2. Riley sets up for the jumping ddt but gets pushed into a corner. Cesaro pursues him but gets caught by surprise with a schoolboy pin for 2. Riley attempts to execute a T.K.O. and Cesaro escapes with an elbow to the neck. Riley goes for a jumping lariat in the corner but Cesaro moves and Riley’s head bounces off of the top turnbuckle. Cesaro pounces and connects with a side slam. The cradle face-buster by Cesaro ends the match.
Zack Ryder vs. Jack Swagger
The 2 lock-up and Swagger hooks Ryder’s left leg, sweeps the right and applies a waist lock. Ryder gets back up and puts on a wrist lock. Swagger puts on his own wrist lock, Ryder does the same and Swagger breaks the cycle with a knee to the gut knocking Ryder down. He paint-brushes the back of Ryder’s head and takes a victory lap. Ryder responds with dropkick and mocks Swagger with a celebration of his own. They lock-up again and Swagger eventually gains the advantage, brutalizes Ryder with a double-leg takedown and plants his right foot in his back so he can walk over him. Despite being Irish-whipped Ryder is able to duck a pair of right hands before finally stopping his momentum by grabbing the ropes. When Swagger charges he ends up taking a pair of flapjacks: one onto the top rope, the other in the middle of the ring. Ryder gets a 2-count and ask Swagger how he likes having the back of his head paint-brushed. Ryder pummels Swagger in the corner with right hands until the ref tells him to back off. Ryder gets kicked in the knee during the distraction and when he gets back up Swagger explodes out of the corner with a shoulder block. Ryder gets to a knee and takes another shoulder block. Swagger puts Ryder in a shoulder lock, Zack gets to his feet, Swagger cuts him off with a shoulder throw and maintains the hold. Ryder gets to his fee t again and this time he rolls-up Swagger for 2. Swagger ends up slumped in a corner after receiving a pair of feet in his face and Ryder signal for the Broski Boot. Swagger quickly hops up to escape his current predicament but gets thrown out of the ring. Ryder goes for a slingshot cross-body and gets caught. Ryder gets a back breaker on the floor as they head to commercial.
Swagger executes a beautiful leg drop as they rejoin the action and takes a victory lap. He goes for another one and Ryder rolls out of the way. He staggers Swagger with right hands and goes for the Rough Ryder, Swagger ducks and Ryder hits the top rope chest-first. Swagger hooks the leg and gets 2. A suplex from Swagger gets another 2-count. Ryder gets thrown into a corner and takes several shoulder thrust. Ryder fights out of a double shoulder lock with right hands but gets muscled into another corner and takes more shoulder thrust. Swagger sits him on the top turnbuckle, slaps him and goes for the superplex. Ryder tells him, “No way bro!” metaphorically with more rights. Swagger gets Irish-whipped but reverses it and flips Ryder with a knee to the gut. He goes for the corner springboard splash, Ryder gets his feet up and Swagger gets some sole. Both men get to their feet and trade rights. Ryder swings things in his favor and floors Swagger with a running forearm, a lariat and a face-buster. A jumping forearm in the corner leads to the Broski Boot which gets 2. Swagger avoids the Rough Ryder by throwing Zack over his head which places him in a corner. Zack gets his knees up but Swagger catches and uses them to pull him out of the corner. This puts him in the perfect position for the corner springboard splash which Swagger successful hits and gets 2. Swagger is irate that this didn’t end the match and goes for another suplex. Ryder flips out and counters with a hangman’s neck breaker for 2. Ryder descends from the second turnbuckle with a R.R. but Swagger catches his feet and holds his left leg to apply the ankle lock. Ryder rolls over which sends Swagger to the apron after about 6 seconds. Swagger sees that Ryder is in pain so he wants to make sure that he stays on him. What he didn’t anticipate was Ryder’s ability to fight through the pain and Zack catches him re-entering the ring with a quick Rough Ryder to get the pin.