The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 08.02.12
Live from Orlando, FL
Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz
Austin Aries & Kenny King v. Bobby Roode & Zema Ion
And in a neat change, we get the tag match main event right off the top, as everyone brawls down to the ring without so much as a recap from last week. Aries beats on Ion and hits Roode with a flying axehandle to the floor, and then we get underway for real. Aries hits Ion with a corner clothesline and the faces give him a DOUBLE AIRPLANE SPIN for two. King gets a springboard legdrop for two. Aries slingshots in with an elbow for two. Aries with an elbowdrop for two, and King stomps on Ion in the corner. Whip to the turnbuckles gets two. Aries springboards in with a corkscrew splash for two, and they keep tagging in and out to work on Ion. King gets cocky, however, and Roode gives him the cheapshot and then trips him up to take him out of the ring. Ion follows with a flip dive (not to be confused with failed X Division competitor Flip Dive) and that gets two back in the ring. Over to Bobby Roode, who lays the badmouth on King while beating on him in the corner, and spits at Aries. Snap suplex and kneedrop on King get two. Roode keeps going to annoy Aries, drawing him into the ring like a good angry babyface, and the heels cut off the ring as we take a break. Back with Roode continuing his beatdown on King in the corner, and Ion cuts off the ring. King suplexes out of a facelock, but the heels drag him to the corner and stomp him down, but King finally makes the big babyface comeback and hits the enzuigiri on Ion for two. Aries comes in and it’s BONZO GONZO as he hits the suicide dive on Roode and King finishes Ion with his spinning slam at 15:00. Roode and Aries continue to dislike each other, King is challenging for the X title at the PPV, this was all good old school stuff. ***1/4
Meanwhile, we get a recap of the Aces & Eights saga thus far, and Sting promises to get to the bottom of this RIGHT NOW.
Sting joins us in the ring after the break, and he calls out James Storm. He shows the video from last week, with A&8 failing to attack James, but Storm counters that HE saw a bunch of cowards running like dogs when he came out to clean house. And in fact, he thinks that Kurt Angle has just as good reasons to be the guy behind A&8. Angle points out that he got as good of a beating as anyone else, and he’s gonna make Storm tap out tonight.
Bound For Glory Series: Bully Ray v. Robbie E
Robbie attacks goes for a quick pin, but gets nowhere. They trade chops and Bully finishes with a Bubba Cutter at 0:58.
Meanwhile, Madison continues trying to woo Earl Hebner.
#1 Contender match: Mickie James v. Madison Rayne v. Tara v. Gail Kim
Mickie looks like she did her makeup with Homer’s shotgun. The heels team up to dump Mickie, but Tara fights them both off, only to fall victim to a Rayne neckbreaker for two. Gail and Mickie brawl outside while Tara hits a sideslam on Rayne for two, but the heels double-team her until Kim misses a charge and goes flying out. Mickie finally emerges from the void and comes back on Rayne with a neckbreaker for two, but Kim gets a backbreaker. Tara comes back in with a slingshot legdrop on Kim for two. Miss Tessmacher is pretty amusing on commentary, basically cheering along like a fan and reacting to highspots. All four girls brawl and Kim gets a pin on Tara, but Earl is conveniently chatting up Madison. Mickie comes back on Rayne and Tara hits the Widow’s Peak on Kim, but Rayne rolls up Tara for the pin at 7:22, even though Tara’s shoulders were up and Hebner was clearly not even looking there. Now that’s some quality biased refereeing. The match was kind of a plodding mess, though. *1/2
Meanwhile, Sting talks to Brooke Hogan about the A&8 situation, but she gets a calling card from them and storms off in terror or delight or something. Who really knows with her?
Meanwhile, ODB & Eric Young try to figure out new ways to avoid defending their Knockouts tag titles. Young’s solution: Never be on the show.
Kid Kash v. Chavo Guerrero
Kash powers Chavo down, but Chavo takes him down with an armbar until Kash elbows out to take over. Kash pounds away on the mat, but misses a moonsault and Chavo makes the comeback. Spinning headscissors and dropkick gets two. Slingshot senton and he goes to finish, but Gunner distracts him and Kash boots him down again. Chavo comes back with the rolling suplexes and frog splash to finish at 4:36. This was fine, although hopefully he doesn’t reinvent his career doing an Eddie Guerrero tribute. **1/4
Meanwhile, Angle meets Wes Brisco (another legacy guy escaping WWE’s system?), and Devon/Garrett once again offer their services against the Aces & Eights threat.
Christopher Daniels & Kazarian throw Claire Lynch a baby shower! AJ is not there, since he’s “probably off in Australia impregnating someone down there.” They give a fine selection of gifts, like AJ action figures and toy belts, but Claire gets ANGRY FACE again and totally ruins an awesome segment, as she yells about AJ needing to do the right thing. I wanted more of Kazarian playing with the AJ doll and doing his entrance pose!
Meanwhile, Joseph Park offers Sting some quality legal representation. He still doesn’t remember that Black Hole Slam.
Bound for Glory Series: James Storm v. Kurt Angle
Angle works a headlock and they trade off on the arm, but Storm clotheslines him down and slugs away until Angle ducks the superkick and stomps him down in the corner. And we take a break, returning with Angle getting the rolling germans. Storm counters out of the Angle Slam, so Angle boots him in the head and gets two. Anklelock, but Storm reverses out to his own Angle Slam, for two. He tries a codebreaker, but Angle blocks with the anklelock and locks it in. Storm won’t tap, and Angle pulls him back from the ropes twice, but he COWBOYS UP and kicks Angle in the face to break. Superkick gets the pin at 13:20. And since all the main guys are surrounding ringside, Aces & Eights don’t try an attack this week. *** Storm calls out the A&8, but they’re nowhere to be seen this week. Roode once again accuses him of being behind it all. The evidence is certainly piling up.
Another good show in a series of them, with nothing offensive outside of ANGRY CLAIRE and a whole bunch of good old school matches.