The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 08.09.12
Live from Orlando, FL
Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz
Apparently the PPV is this Sunday. Huh. For all the good they’ve done on dramatically improving the TV show, they’re sure dropping the ball on making anyone care about the Hardcore Justice show.
Bully Ray starts us out with a promo of the upcoming main event against Storm tonight in the BFG series. This would be a rematch of their previous no-contest, which in retrospect is a pretty neat way to get around the “everyone wrestles each other once” structure of the tournament. Bully lays out the facts, so many facts, towards why Storm is the leader of the Aces & Eights, but Storm comes out to point out that Bully didn’t actually offer any facts. Well, he interrupted him! Storm draws a line in the ring, although not literally, and dares Bully to cross it so he can kick the crap out of him, but of course Bully is a bully and he backs off. However, the Aces & Eights show up on the PandaTron and one of them gives a threat that sounds like he’s either Bane or a dude working a drive-thru at McDonalds. I seriously have no clue what he was saying. Something about their time and their terms according to Tenay. They need better voice distortion software.
Bound For Glory Series: Rob Van Dam v. Magnus
Magnus clotheslines RVD to the floor and stomps him down out there, and back in for two. Rob tries a crossbody and Magnus catches him and turns it into a Snowplow for two. Rob fights back with a springboard kick, and rolls through an enzuigiri attempt to get two. Magnus blocks a monkey flip with a clothesline that gets two. Rob spinkicks him, however, and finishes with the frog splash at 3:17. Man, these guys had no chemistry together. *1/2
TNA World tag titles: Kazarian & Christopher Daniels v. Garrett Bischoff & Devon
I love that Hemme announces them as “World tag champions of the World” as part of their gimmick now. Devon catches Kaz with an elbow and the faces double-team him, and Bischoff drops an elbow for two. Over to Daniels, but Bischoff clotheslines him for two. Devon drops a leg for two. Cheapshot from Kaz turns the tide, as Bischoff gets caught in the corner and Daniels hiptosses Kaz onto him for two. More awesome double-teaming from the champs, leading to a Daniels curbstomp for two. Charge misses and it’s hot tag Devon and he’s pretty awesome in that role. Rock bottom for Kaz gets two and he follows with a spear, but Daniels distracts the ref long enough to get rid of Bischoff. Devon hits him with the spinebuster, but Kaz nails Devon with the belt behind the ref’s back for the pin at 4:08. All the greatest hits we know and love here. **1/2
Robbie E is out to brag about his bodacious five point victory over Jeff Hardy and give five reasons why he’s superior, but he only gets through two before Jeff interrupts. A 2 on 1 beatdown results and the broskis put him through a table.
Meanwhile, Jason Hervey grills AJ about the incriminating photos with Claire, but he’s in no mood.
Bound For Glory Series: AJ Styles v. Kurt Angle
AJ dropkicks him to the floor right away and follows with a dive, and we take a break. Back with Angle hitting an overhead suplex while Claire watches from ringside, showing her range of cue card reading abilities. Kurt has a headlock…Claire is EXCITED! Angle misses a charge but comes right back with a backbreaker for two. Kurt goes to the chinlock for a while, but they collide and AJ makes the comeback with a backbreaker for two. AJ misses a charge, and Angle gets the rolling germans with a nice sequence where he has to fight for the last one. AJ escapes the Angle Slam and hits the Pele for two. Styles Clash is reversed to the Angle Slam for two. The straps come down and the anklelock is on, but now AJ fires back with his own german suplex, which Angle turns into an anklelock. AJ rolls him into the corner and now Claire is excited again? Who fucked with the teleprompter? Styles Clash gets two in a near fall so awesome I was typing the finishing time when Angle kicked out. AJ to the top, but Angle hits the pop up superplex for two. Angle goes up for the moonsault attempt, but that misses and AJ tries a 450, which Angle blocks and finishes with the Angle Slam at 12:05. Friggin’ great. ***3/4 Say what you will about Angle, but he knows how to sell a professional wrestling match as something special and dramatic. Claire offers her condolences from ringside but gets blown off by AJ, which gives us ANGRY CLAIRE!
Meanwhile, the Aces cut another promo, this time with a better modulator. Tonight we find out the next victim of the Dead Man’s Hand.
Miss Tessmacher v. Gail Kim
Kim attacks and misses, but does get a cheapshot and throws knees to take over. Tessmacher fights back, but Kim hits a gutbuster for two. Into a bodyscissors and another gutbuster, but Tess fights back with a clothesline out of the corner. Butt to the face in the corner and she hits Kim with a facebuster for the pin at 3:38. This was fine. **
Meanwhile, Joseph Park talks law and gives his predictions for tonight’s big contract signing. It really takes him back to 2003 with Alvarez v. McGillicutty! Me too, Joseph.
Contract Signing time! Bobby Roode bitches and moans to Sting about the contract provisions, until Aries tells him to shush and offers a verbal contract instead. Don’t tell Kenny King. So Aries offers one stipulation: NO rematches. Sting brokers the deal with handshakes all around, but Roode spits water in Austin’s face and then runs away.
Bound For Glory Series: Bully Ray v. James Storm
Bully pounds away to start and hits the big boot, and we take a break. Back with Bully in control and working on the leg with a KNEEBAR. SHADES OF REPO MAN! Storm reverses to his own and Bully quickly gets to the ropes, and puts Storm down with a clothesline for two. Bully misses a splash and Storm makes the comeback with a neckbreaker and backdrop. Charge misses, but Storm kicks him in the head from the apron. Bully catches him with a Rock bottom for two, however. Storm escapes the Bubbabomb and goes up with a high cross for two. He goes up and Bully brings him down and tries a superplex, but Storm fights him off and misses his flying elbow. Bubbabomb gets two. Bully goes up and misses the senton, and it’s codebreaker and superkick, but Bully ducks. Storm rolls him up for two, and walks into the Bubba Cutter for the pin at 10:09?! Huh. Good for Bully, he’s hitting it out of the park lately. *** Bully anxiously awaits the Dead Man’s Hand, but nothing comes. They appear on the screen instead and promise to deliver their message to Bully at the PPV.
I’m still not dying to see the show on Sunday, but I’m sure I’ll end up watching and enjoying it later. Another good show with logical storyline progression and easy-to-follow motivations and characters, and I just really enjoy watching it.