The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 09.06.12
Live from Orlando, FL
Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz
NOOOOOOO! Frank Eudy, gone too soon from Big Brother. Anyone wanna bet that they do an All Stars 2 next year just to get him back on TV again?
Bound For Glory Series: Jeff Hardy v. Samoa Joe
I’m frankly shocked they could have planned this thing out well enough that these matches would end up having real stakes at this point in the tournament. Hardy can finish in the top 4 with a win, and Joe can win the whole thing! Now if only they could also figure out how to book and advertise PPV matches in advance. Joe goes for the arm and sends Hardy out with a shoulderblock, then beats on him outside. Jeff fights back with a dive off the stairs, and we take a break. Back with Joe getting two. Joe runs him into the corner with a kick and the crowd starts dueling chants for them. Jeff fights back again, but Joe slugs him down for two. One thing about Hardy is that he plays the Ricky Morton role incredibly well, whether in tag or singles matches. Jeff makes the hot comeback with the legdrop for two as the female fans go batshit. Jawbreaker and he goes up, but misses and gets choked. Hardy takes him into the corner to break and hits the Whisper, setting up the Twist of Fate Joe won’t go down, so Jeff takes him down with an ARM TRIANGLE and chokes him out for 10 points at 10:40. That was not a finish I was expecting. This has been a wacky, awesome tournament. ***1/4
Meanwhile, Hulk suggests to Aries that he put an old school beating on the Aces.
Magnus offers his condolences to Joe for the loss, and regrets the breakup of their team (“I mean, I was great, but we were really good!”) but he’s gonna be the bigger man and wish Joe the best. Then he lays him out from behind anyway.
Meanwhile, Hulk tries to figure out the tag title challengers tonight. The contenders: Robbie/Robbie, Chavo/Hernandez, Gunner/Kash, AJ/mystery partner. AJ is immediately eliminated because Hulk wants an actual tag team and this isn’t the right time for him.
Meanwhile, Brooke sets up a match between Tara and Gail Kim NEXT.
Tara v. Gail Kim
Gail takes her down with a dropkick and follows with a DDT, then chokes her out in the corner for two. Tara gets a sunset flip for two, but Gail puts her down with a high kick for two. Blind charge misses and Tara comes back with a powerslam and delayed suplex for two. Gail trips her up and goes up, but Tara brings her down with the Widow’s Peak for the pin at 3:33. **
Al Snow calls out Joey Ryan so he can finally plead his case. Joey promises to bring sleazy back to TNA, so Snow offers him a contract…if he can beat Snow. Joey clarifies that it’s not the 90s anymore and no one wants to see Snow in spandex, but Al will fight him in jeans, and pops him one. Joey runs away threatening to sue. He’s a pretty great weasel heel thus far.
Meanwhile, Bully Ray meets up with Joseph Park, carrying the olive branch and looking for info. Park invokes attorney-client privilege, so Bully leaves him alone with a warning to be careful.
Meanwhile, Aries interrogates an associate of the Aces.
Meanwhile, Chavo makes his case to Hulk, and the Gunner/Kash team gets eliminated.
Bound For Glory Series: Bully Ray v. Rob Van Dam
Bully pounds away to start, but Rob rolls him up for two. Rob with the headlock and he gets a superkick for two, sending Bully to the floor. He follows with a flip dive and back in, but Bully crotches him on top and works on the leg. Rob almost turns it into an armbar, but Bully escapes and slugs him into the corner until Rob fires back with a spinkick. Rob fights back while selling the knee injury, and gets Rolling Thunder for two. Springboard bodypress gets two. Bully dodges a kick, however, and Rob pulls his knee, allowing Bully to hit a big boot for two. Pump splash misses and Rob gets his springboard kick on the second try, but the frog splash is reversed into the Bubba Cutter at 9:00. That was a HELL of a finish. So Bully is in, and RVD is out. ***
Meanwhile, the interrogation continues. Aries, as bad cop, gets to trying to pull the guy’s tongue out with pliers before Hulk steps in to play EVEN WORSE COP. So Hulk gets a call from the Aces leader, and Hulk brokers a deal where they’ll trade the Aces guys in exchange for a match against the guy who broke Aries’ arm.
James Storm is out to announce his opponent for No Surrender. That would be the first actual match announced for that show, I believe. So he chooses Bully Ray, and that gives us Hardy v. Joe in the other match.
Meanwhile, Magnus also offers his condolences to RVD on losing, and that also turns into a brawl.
TNA World tag titles: Kazarian & Daniels v. Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez
Hernandez slams Daniels and tosses him around out of a bearhug, and Chavo gets a low dropkick for two. Hernandez with a neck vice and he slams Chavo onto Daniels for two. Finally Daniels escapes and brings Kaz in, but he gets hiptossed by Chavo and worked over in the babyface corner too. Finally a cheapshot gets Chavo into the heel corner, but he fights back with dropkicks right away and brings Hernandez back in. He drops Kaz with a backbreaker and holds a delayed suplex while Chavo does the rolling suplexes. That’s a great spot. The champions bail and we take a break. Back with Chavo getting beat up in the heel corner, and Daniels hits a neckbreaker for two. Kaz with a legdrop for two. Chavo fights out of a surfboard and it’s hot tag Hernandez. He runs wild and powerbombs Kaz for two, but Daniels saves. The champs double-team him in the corner, but Daniels charges and hits boot and gets dumped off that. Hernandez goes up and Chavo gives his own partner a rana from the top, onto Kaz! That gets two as Daniels stops the count. Chavo hits Kaz with a dive outside, and Daniels hits Kaz with an accidental dive of his own, and then Hernandez hits them both with his MEXICAN OUT OF CONTROL dive. Back in, Chavo whips Hernandez into Kaz, but Daniels dumps Chavo and nails Hernandez with the belt to give Kaz the pin at 14:00. Would have thought they’d change the belts to put over the importance of their “Championship Thursday” deal, but this was still a hell of a deal. ***1/2 Chavo and Hernandez have some really fun and wacky team chemistry. Hulk comes out to congratulate them afterwards, and books them against AJ & Angle at the PPV.
Austin Aries brings out his prisoner and calls out the Aces for the exchange, but no one is coming so he just decides to proceed with the interrogation anyway. The big guy finally answers the challenge, hitting his own lackey with a hammer to silence him, and he slugs it out with Aries to end the show.
Talk about your last minute setups. Still, I ain’t complaining about good matches and intriguing storylines week after week, even if the PPV model is going down the toilet for TNA. They really should just scrap it and do Clash of Champions type specials instead.