With more Google hits than David Otunga, it’s “The Superstars Report”
Justin Gabriel vs. Tensai w/ uhh…man servant guy
Justin starts the match by kicking Al…Tensai in his right thigh and is immediately pushed down afterwards. Gabriel takes a few moments to rethink his strategy while Tensai taunts him. Justin decides that feet are the answer The question? What won’t Tensai eat? A running dropkick pushes Tensai into a corner but he immediately picks up an approaching Gabriel by the next and puts him into the corner instead. Gabriel blocks a clubbing blow and aggravates Tensai with a knife-edge chop, Tensai attempts to express his feelings but gets a pair fo feet to the face. I think I’ll call that a posted dropkick from now on. Gabriel climbs to the top and jumps over Al-Tensai and catches him with turning side kick. Gabriel hits the ropes and ducks a lariat, then he ducks another one and attempts a running crossbody? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! WHY?! Of course Tensai catches him and puts him over his shoulder to take him back to his cave for winter but Gabriel, sensing that his life is in jeopardy, elbows his way out…and Tensai just throws him to the apron. Gabriel does land on his feet though and slides under Tensai before springing off the ropes right into a stiff shoulder-block. Gabriel doesn’t get any time to recover because he immediately takes a splash in the corner followed by a short-arm lariat Tensai drops the elbow, picks Gabriel up and head-butts him back down.
Y’know for a guy who’s character is serious all of the time Steiner is hilarious. Calling himself the greatest tag-team of all time and telling the crowd to shut up as they chant his name at Turning Point 2011 cracks me up every time. May God have simphy on your soul if you cross him though.
What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, so the beating of Gabriel continues. A delayed double-arm-suplex gets 2 for Tensai. Gabriel elbows his way out of a shoulder claw and staggers Tensai with a jawbreaker. Gabriel moves to a corner and when Al-Tensai follows he moves out of the way causing Tensai’s head to bounce off of the top turnbuckle. Gabriel goes for the school-buy pin and Tensai barely kicks out at 2! The crowd thought he won as did I. Gabriel roundhouses Tensai’s head before he can get back up and gets another 2-count. Justin hooks him up for a d.d.t. but gets pushed into a corner. Tensai goes on the attack but gets kicked in the face. Gabriel goes for a tornado d.d.t. and Tensai throws him to the floor. Gabriel maintains the hold though and guillotines Tensai on the top rope. A gamengiri puts Tensai on his back and Gabriel strikes quickly with a springboard moonsault but only gets 2! Tensai gets another roundhouse to the chest and wisely blocks the second one. He throttles Gabriel and plants him in the center of the ring with a double-handed chokeslam. He then flattens Gabriel with the running senton splash. 1-2-done.
Gabriel got in a lot more offense than I thought he would. This match was…watchable.
Santino Marella vs. Jinder Mahal
Rights and lefts by Santino put Mahal on his ass. Mahal gets back up and shoves Santino. Marella tries to return the favor but Mahal moves out of the way. Santino readies The Cobra in response (he even hisses to add to the goofiness) and Mahal seeks refuge in the ropes. This happens twice. Although I don’t think he hissed the second time. A tie-up leads to an arm throw by Marella. Mahal demands a test of strength and Santino obliges. Mahal gains the advantage and whips Santino to the ropes causing him to…power-walk. Mahal blocks his path and finds himself in a jackknife pin for a 1-count. Mahal springs to his feet and runs right into an arm drag. Jinder eats another pair of jabs and is sent running but hangs on to the top rope causing Santino to miss his dropkick. Mahal measures his opponent and knocks him right back down with a back elbow for 2. Multiple stomps lead to a jumping knee drop and a chin-lock. Santino tries to elbow his way out but gets kneed in the gut. Mahal whips him to the ropes and bends over, Santino goes for a punt but Mahal actually avoids it by standing up straight and lariats Marella for another 2-count. Mahal chokes Santino with the middle rope by sitting on his back and adds a springboard knee drop for good measure. Mahal picks Santino up by the head and takes a pair of punches to the gut. Mahal just kicks him in the gut and gives him a neck-breaker for 2. Marella fights out of another head-lock but gets clubbed on the back and thrown towards a corner. Mahal avoids an attempted vault-over and Russian-leg-sweeps Santino for 2. …and there’s another headl-lock. Back drop suplex by Santino to counter and both men are down. They answer the count at 5 and Santino blocks a right to deliver a flurry of punches of his own. A hip-toss sets up Mahal for a diving head-butt from the middle turnbuckle. Santino pulls out the cobra sleeve and it’s academic folks her folks. 1 ah ah ah. 2 ah ah ah. 3 ah ah ah. Remember when Mahal was supposed to be a threat to Ryback’s win streak? Yeah that was hilarious.
Botch Fox vs. Natalya
We’ve got a tie-up folks and a break. There’s a shove, knee to the gut and a wristlock by Fox. Nat does a few flips and turns it into a wristlock of her own which causes Fox to do a flip but she doesn’t land on her feet. Natty transitions to a bicep cutter and Fox reverses with the head-scissors hold. Natty kips-up to break it and Fox grabs her hair in a fit. Natty uses an arm throw to get her off (not like that you perv.). Fox is flabbergasted but she gets over things quickly and catches a charging Natty with a sunset flip. Natty almost instantaneously stands up and goes for the sharpshooter. Fox gets to the ropes and hugs them like a security blanket. Natty goes for a monkey flip but Fox lands on her feet. Fox does a headstand and goes for the head-scissors takeover (or is that takedown), Natty grabs hold of the legs and picks her up just enough to slam Fox stomach-first into the mat. Natty goes for the sharpshooter again and Fox is forced to use a rope break. Nat doesn’t release the hold right away so Fox kicks her off and Natty grabs her left shoulder. Fox goes to pick her up but gets kicked in the jaw. Fox shows that she’s not a quick learner because she tries again and gets monkey-flipped. Fox calls for a timeout then extends her hand in friendship. She even pouts. Natty accepts///then pulls her down by the arm and steps on her hand. When Fox gets back up she gets the taste smacked out of her mouth. Natty ducks a lariat and delivers another slap. A quick schoolboy gets 2 for Natty. Fox retreats and grabs Natty’s cape. Fox is chased back into the ring and she waits for Natty to climb back in before throwing her accessory in her face. Natty responds by kicking her guts and slapping Fox again. Natty runs the ropes and gets caught with a hard tilt-a-whirl-backbreaker for 2. Fox bounces Natty’s head off of a top turnbuckle twice before licking her hand and striking her left cheek with the inside of her right hand. Fox smacks Natty’s ass and puts her in the body-scissors. People really like placing their hands there. Must be nice. The two eventually end up face-to-face and Natty smacks her stomach and picks Fox up for a body slam but loses her balance and has to kick out at 2. Fox knocks Nat back down with a jumping clothesline then waits for her to stumble into a corner; Nat moves her head to avoid the yenka kick, captures the leg and drags her to the center of the ring for the sharpshooter and the submission victory. Fox played a cowardly face here. I don’t remember ever seeing that before. Natalya actually wins a match and with a tap-out at that. I should mark this day on my calendar because it will probably be a while before that happens again. Overall match rating: okay-ish
Main Event: Zack Ryder vs. Cody Rhodes
Rear waistlock by Rhodes to start, Ryder elbows his nose and Cody takes a while to make sure it’s not broken. Cody puts Ryder in a standing hammerlock, Ryder reverses with one of his own, Rhodes uses a drop-toe-hold to escape and smacks the back of Ryder’s head. He then pie-faces Ryder which earns him a forearm to the nose. After threatening to walk he climbs back into the ring and kicks Ryder in the gut but gets his Irish-whip reversed and is thrown over the top rope. Rhodes skins-the-cat and walks right into a flapjack for a 1-count. Rhodes goes for a hip-toss but Ryder counters with a clothesline. A kick to the midsection allows Rhodes to go for another one and he successfully sends Zack to a corner. Unfortunately for Rhodes Ryder floats over him is he follows him into it and turns around just in time to get an arm drag. Another arm drag leads to a shoulder-lock. Ryder takes some stomps in a corner but is able to move out of the way of a shoulder thrust and Rhodes collides with the middle turnbuckle. Ryder attempts the Broski Boot but Cody moves and grabs Zack’s legs to pull him into the ring post, Ryder pulls his legs back and Rhodes shoulder meets steel. Rhodes is floored by a springboard lariat and Ryder throws him back in for a 2-count. Break time folks.
Since this show was posted a few hours before this year’s Night of Champions there was a hype video for the Sheamus vs. Del Rio match. It asked the question “How can Sheamus win if the Brogue Kick is banned?” ‘cause you know, Sheamus title reign was in jeopardy since one of his four possible finishers had been taken away from him. As if that wasn’t silly enough right before the championship match Booker apparently allowed use of the maneuver…for the lulz I guess. I want to know who’s booking the heavyweight championship scene on Smackdown. Hell Raw as well. They need a few kicks to the taint.
Back to the action now and Rhodes ducks under a cross-body causing Ryder to bounce off of the top rope. Ryder rolls back into the ring at 8 only to get several stomps to the chest. A reverse suplex gets 2 for Rhodes. Ryder counters an attempted knee to the stomach with a schoolboy pin for 2. Rhodes comes back quickly with a lariat, he then picks Ryder up and knocks him back down with a right hand for 2. Zack fights out of a chin-lock but has his Irish-whip reversed and the top turnbuckle almost puts a permanent dent in his chest. Rhodes covers for 2. Rhodes reapplies the chin-lock and also uses a body-scissor hold as well. Ryder breaks free with right hands but is sent careening to a corner; Ryder puts on the brakes and turns around only to bump heads with Rhodes and both competitors end up looking at the lights. The ref. reaches 9 before they finally get to their feet and Ryder strikes first with a back elbow. There’s another one. Ryder whip is reverses but he reverses-the-reversal with a face-buster. Rhodes inadvertently puts himself in a corner and Ryder puts him on his ass with a jumping forearm. Ryder readjust Rhodes’s smile with the Broski Boot but only gets 2. Ryder picks-up Rhodes but he gets kicked in the gut. Rhodes drops to his back and punches Ryder in the face. Ryder is hung on the top rope and gets kicked in the midsection again. Rhodes prepares for an Alabama Slam but Zack turns it into a sit-out pin but only gets 2! A quick hangman’s neck-breaker only gets 2 for Rhodes! A Rough Ryder attempt ends with Zack driven into the mat with a power-bomb but Ryder kicks out at 2! Zack stumbles into a corner and Rhodes charges, Ryder gets his knees up to Cody’s chin and a discus lariat leads to a 2-count. Rhodes goes for the beautiful disaster and Ryder ducks that, Zack goes for a gamengiri but Rhodes ducks that and pounces on Ryder before he can recover and hits the cross-rhodes to pick up the hard-earned victory. Really good match. I wouldn’t be mad if I saw this on a P.P.V.
Well that’s it for this edition. See you next time folks and be safe out there.