The SmarK Rant for TNA Impact – 10.04.12
Wait, so Rush wasn’t already in the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. REALLY?
Live from Orlando, FL
Your hosts are Mike Tenay & Taz
Hulk Hogan and Sting discuss potential choices for Sting’s partner to start us out. Hulk’s got his back, brother.
Mr. Anderson v. Gunner
Anderson comes out quickly with a neckbreaker for two, but charges and hits elbow. Anderson comes back with a dropkick so embarrassing that Gunner bails to keep from laughing, and gets a cheapshot to take over in the ring. Meanwhile, Sting is watching the match. Back in the ring, Anderson gets the mic check for the pin at 2:29. Not much to this one. *1/2
ODB & Miss Tessmacher v. Gail Kim & Tara
ODB tosses Gail around, and Tess comes in with a stinkface on her. ODB also wants a piece of that, but Gail escapes and brings Tara in. ODB gets the broncobuster on her instead, but the heels take over in the corner. Tara’s standing moonsault hits knee and it’s a reasonably hot tag to Tessmacher. Facejam on Tara gets two. ODB stops for a refreshing beverage and gets dumped as a result, and Tara finishes Tess with the Widow’s Peak at 4:40. **
Al Snow brings out Joey Ryan so he can issue a formal apology for his actions. He’s also bearing a contract, which Joey thinks is finally his permanent spot on the roster, but it’s actually just a contract for one match, at Bound For Glory, with Snow. Kind of wish they’d move faster with this one.
Meanwhile, Angle makes his pitch to Sting, but he’s already in the tag title match. The World Tag Team Champions of the World lurk in the background, up to no good. Bully Ray also wants in, but Sting doesn’t feel he’s enough of a bully as of late. HE WANTS A BULLY! HE’S PISSED! Apparently Sting does not support the Be a STAR initiative.
TNA TV title: Samoa Joe v. Rob Van Dam
Joe gets the kick in the corner, but Rob slugs back, so Joe takes him down and hooks the STF. Rob makes the ropes, so Joe hauls him outside and sends him into the stairs. Back in, blind charge misses and Rob kicks back again and follows with Rolling Thunder for two. Leg lariat into the corner, but Joe catches him on the monkey flip, so Rob changes to a crossbody for two. Rob goes up, but Joe brings him down with the MUSCLE BUSTER for the pin at 4:35. Someone should show Ryback how to do that properly. This never got out of first gear, like everything else so far tonight. *1/2
Meanwhile, Daniels & Kazarian stir up trouble between “Nacho Libre” and AJ Styles, by pointing out that Angle doesn’t even want to be in the tag title match.
Meanwhile, Bully Ray informs Hardy & Aries that he’s gonna punch one of them in the face later. Well that kind of takes the surprise out of it. Austin is OFFENDED that Bully would prove himself by punching the lesser Hardy in the face instead of the World champion. Hardy suggests a triple threat match tonight to settle it.
Chavo Guerrero v. Kurt Angle
Chavo holds a headlock through a suplex, but Angle fights out and hits a suplex for two. Angle goes to a waistlock on the mat, but Chavo rolls him up for two. Angle with the rolling germans into the anklelock, but Chavo escapes and hits own rolling suplexes. Angle escapes and goes after Hernandez, allowing Chavo to roll him up for the surprise pin at 6:40. Yet another match that was kind of dull. **1/2
TNA X title: Zema Ion v. Doug Williams
Williams quickly fires away with forearms and puts him down with a vicious knee, and a clothesline to the floor. Ion sends him into the post to slow him down, but Doug punches him in the face. Ion quickly takes him down with an armbar and Williams taps at 1:15. Ion won’t break, so the ref reverses the decision. That was weird. If Jesse Sorenson isn’t ready to go, they should probably just pull the plug on the Ion experiment.
Meanwhile, Bruce Pritchard questions D-Lo Brown about why Matt Morgan is suddenly running in and beating up TNA officials at house shows. Seems like security is pretty lax with D-Lo in charge.
James Storm comes out to talk about the PPV, and Bobby Roode interrupts to note that he’s going to beat Storm up. And he also doesn’t like special referee King Mo, which brings him out for a shoving match. Mo and Storm celebrate in the ring. Wow, that was quite the lazy segment.
Meanwhile, Hulk has made his choice for Sting’s partner, but to build drama he writes it down on a piece of paper instead of just saying it. Sting still thinks they should see how the Bully situation shakes out.
Meanwhile, the Aces continue torturing Joseph Park.
Bully Ray v. Austin Aries v. Jeff Hardy
Why would you give away the main event as a part of a three-way on free TV? Hardy is quickly dumped, allowing Aries to get a clothesline on Bully off the middle rope. Blind charge misses and Hardy comes back in with the Twist on Bully, and the swanton gets two. Aries saves and gets the chancery on Bully instead, but Hardy saves that. The babyfaces argue, allowing Bully to lay them out and toss Hardy, then backdrop Aries over the top and onto Jeff. Bully goes for his chain but can’t find it, so he grabs the belt instead. He can’t use it on Aries, but Bully runs the faces together and hits the Bubbabomb on Hardy to finish clean. What a bizarre build for that title match. What’s with the WWE “Everyone does jobs leading to a title match” philosophy here? *1/2
Main Event Interview: Hogan and Sting come out to announce the partner, aka the guy who will turn on Sting The Idiot. The winner: Mr. Anderson, because he was able to get the job done against Gunner. Sadly, Anderson gets beat up by the Aces backstage and is unable to accept the position. Bully rushes out to plead his own case and promises to absolutely stand by Sting’s side. Hogan is skeptical, but Sting argues for Bully and Hogan accepts it. Holy fuck is Sting the stupidest person in wrestling history or what?
Wow, this was the first outright shitty show I’ve seen from them in a long time. Not good, especially with only a couple of weeks to build to the biggest show of the year for them and not a lot of interest in the main event. Just a huge disappointment all around tonight.