This is one of the first things I wrote for Pulse Wrestling, and I decided to revise it to include the 2012 Rumble winner and make a few other tweaks. (Hey Scott Keith re-posts crap all the time!)
Anyway, this is kind of long, but if you feel so inclined, read and enjoy…
The Ultimate Rumble of Royal Destiny
Live on pay-per-view from “Parts Unknown”…
Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse “The Body” Ventura and Jim Ross
Video package to start, showcasing all of the previous Rumble winners…
…then the pyro hits!
Monsoon welcomes everyone to the Ultimate Rumble of Royal Destiny, where all previous Royal Rumble winners will be in action, as well as “a few surprises promised by Vince McMahon” to round out the field of 30 superstars.
Lillian Garcia opens the show with “America the Beautiful,” which is still not the National Anthem, a point Ventura brings up but he is ignored by his broadcast partners.
Howard Finkle is in the ring to review the rules of the Rumble. He notes that thanks to “modern technology” every winner of the Rumble from years past is here tonight and in top shape. He also notes that since this is the only match on the card, the Ultimate Rumble of Royal Destiny will be conducted with a new superstar joining the match with 5 minute intervals.
“That’s almost two and a half hours,” notes JR. “Good math,” quips Jesse.
The bell rings and our first competitor is on their way to the ring…
#1 Rey Mysterio (2006 winner)
Rey high fives his way to the ring and leaps in, awating his opponent. Japanese-style music begins to play. Jesse snickers.
#2 Yokozuna (1993 winner)
Yokozina has Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette with him. “Mysterio is about to get squashed,” says Jesse. Monsoon lets one of his “Will you stop?” admonishings.
Rey flips and flops all over Yokozuna to no effect. ‘Zuna finally swats him down casually. Rey tries a different approach, dropkicking Yokozuna’s knees repeatedly and sticking-and-moving until finally the big man falls to a kneeling position and then against the ropes, setting up the 619. Rey dives through the ropes for the move, but Cornette smacks him with his patented tennis racket, knocking Rey to the floor.
“Ha! Ha! What a stupid move,” says Jesse. “He’s out already!”
“He’s not out,” notes JR. “He went through the ropes, not over the top.”
A gaggle of referees surround Cornette and eventually send him to the back. While the refs are distracted, Rey makes it to his feet and into the ring, and nails the 619 on a still prone Yokozuna. They mix it up for a minute or so as the countdown brings the next entrant.
#3 Big John Studd (1989 winner)
Studd climbs into the ring and the three men have a stand-off. Finally, Studd takes aim at Yokozuna, nailing a big boot to the face. Yoko scrambles back into the corner, where Mysterio tries a hurricarana, but Yoko shakes him off. Studd charges into the corner with a vertical splash on Yokozuna. He motions for Rey to climb on his shoulders and Rey does so, nailing a flying drop kick from 8 feet in the air. Yoko collapses and Rey moves in for another move but he’s intercepted by Studd, who grabs him and launches him over the top, but Rey hangs on. Yokozuna recovers and tussles with Studd, each attempting a body slam no no avail, while Rey eases back into the ring. The countdown begins again.
#4 Edge (2010 winner)
“You think you know me,” and a big pop from the crowd. Edge races to the ring. Spear for Studd! Spear for ‘Zuna! He shakes hands with Mysterio, but then quickly turns on him, nailing the Edgecution. The crowd boos.
“That’s despicable!” Monsoon cries!
“It’s every man for himself!” retorts Jesse. He also notes that Edge is his early favorite to win the whole thing. JR thinks it’s too early for Edge to last, but notes that Edge has always had the reputation of being an opportunist.
Edge and Mysterio go at it. Yokozuna is slow to get up. He makes his way to the corner where Fuji appears to be giving him advice. Studd recovers and charges at Yoko. Yoko turns and nails Studd with ceremonial salt which he had just gotten from Fuji. Blinded, Studd is caught near the ropes and Yoko dumps him, marking the first elimination at the 12:45 mark. Rey and Edge decide to call a truce and double team Yoko, but they can’t get the big man over the top. Fuji takes a swing at Rey with the Japanese flag, and referee Joey Marella has seen enough, sending Fuji to the back. As Yokozuna protests, Edge launches Rey at Yoko’s back sending him over the top and out to a big pop.
#5 is “The Animal” Batista (2005 winner)
Batista and Edge square off while Rey takes a breather in the corner. He occasionally sneaks in a shot on both men. No one gets eliminated as the next competitor is pending. The countdown hits “0” and there’s the distinctive sound of shattering glass!
#6 “Stone Cold” Steve Austin (1997 winner)
Austin storms the ring as Ventura and Monsoon wonder how “Stone Cold’s” three Rumble wins will be handled. Monsoon says not to worry about it, just watch, because “business is about to pick up!”
Stunner for Edge! Stunner for Rey! Stunner for Batista is blocked. Batista hits a spinebuster on Austin. They brawl for a while. Rey and Edge recover and resume their battle. Austin pounds away on Batista in a corner and flips him the double bird. Eventually, the countdown resumes.
#7 Andre the Giant (special entry)
Ventura goes ballistic. “What’s he doing here? He never won the Royal Rumble!”
Monsoon: “Mr. McMahon promised some big surprises. They don’t come much bigger than Andre!”
JR notes that Andre the Giant has won more traditional battle royals than anyone else in history and that he definitely deserves a spot in the Ultimate Rumble.
The other four men stop and decide to gang up on Andre. They pound him into a corner and begin the arduous task of trying to get the 8th Wonder of the World off his feet. Andre flexes and throws all four men off like flies. The crowd goes nuts. Now they try a different approach, attacking one at a time. Spear by Edge! Dropkick by Rey! Andre stumbles, but bounces off the ropes right into a spinebuster by Batista. Dave celebrates but walks right into a stunner from Austin, which actually draws boos. They brawl as the clock runs down again.
#8 Hulk Hogan (1990 winner)
Hogan storms the ring as the crowd goes wild. He goes right after Andre. They exchange blows as everyone else pauses to watch. Andre pounds away, but Hulk “hulks up” and gets the upper hand. He scoops up Andre and slams him down. He rushes the ropes to hit the big leg drop and is unceremoniously clotheslined over the top and out by Austin at the 31:15 mark, continuing to draw the ire of the crowd. As Austin jaws with the fans, Mysterio and Edge sneak up and dump Austin to a big pop at 31:30. They then turn to Batista, but he fights them off as Andre regains his footing. Andre grabs Edge from behind and hits a powerful headbutt. Andre then grabs Rey and uses him as a club to nail Batista. The countdown begins again.
#9 Lex Luger (1994 co-winner)
As the All-American Total Package makes his way to the ring, Jesse notes “I want an asterisk next to this guy. He only won half a Rumble with that vastly overrated Bret Hart. I’m not even sure he should be here at all. JR runs down the history of the ’94 Rumble and how Bret managed to parlay the co-win into a WWF title win at Wrestlemania X, while Luger never did win the WWF title.
Luger is met on the apron by Batista. The two flex and pose, showing off their impressive physiques to each other and the crowd. They go for a test of strength which goes back and forth before being broken up by Edge, resulting in a three-way brawl while Andre casually mauls Rey. The muscle men dump Edge, but he hangs on, just barely. Jesse gloats at Edge’s resiliency and dares either of the other two commentators to predict a winner.
“I don’t see anyone getting Andre out of there,” says Monsoon, “but I’m going to go with…the last man in the ring!”
JR touts Austin as the winner. When Ventura notes that Austin has already come and gone, JR quips, “Never say never, when it comes to Austin,” as the countdown hits again.
#10 Shawn Michaels (1995 winner)
Shawn glides to the ring on a zip line. He gets almost to the ring canvas but Andre grabs the cord and dangles the Heartbreak Kid in the air. Shawn begs off, but Andre tears the cord off and dumps Shawn over the top rope. Shawn pitches a fit on the floor. He argues that he can’t be eliminated because he never actually touched the ring surface. Referee Earl Hebner eventually sides with HBK and lets him in the ring. Batista nails him as soon as he’s in. He whips him over to Luger who hoists him up in the Torture Rack. While he’s up there, Edge spears Luger, sending both Luger and HBK over the top and out at 43:40 and 43:41 respectively. Batista and Andre square off while Rey and Edge go back at it as the countdown resumes. “Hoooooooooooooooo!”
#11 “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan (1988 winner)
“Here’s the winner of the original Royal Rumble,” notes JR. Duggan is brandishing his signature 2×4, so everyone gives him room as he parades around the ring. Finally, Andre makes a move, chopping Duggan down. He springs back up and “Hoooooo!”s in Andre’s face. Andre chops him again. Duggan staggers back and drops down to a 3-point stance. He rushes Andre and hits him up high. Andre falls against the ropes. Duggan tries to flip him out. Everyone else joins in but Andre hangs on, bounces off the ropes, and tosses everyone off. Duggan staggers back and goes into the 3-point stance again. He rushes Andre, but Andre moves and Duggan hits Batista instead, Batista goes into a rage, puts Duggan through a Demon Bomb, and tosses him out at 49:45. Everyone tries to catch their breath as the countdown clock starts up again.
#12 Chris Benoit (2004 winner)
Benoit slides under the bottom rope. Andre begins stomping him immediately. He manages to make it to his feet, but eats a spear from Edge. Batista throws Benoit over the top. He hangs on, but Rey dropkicks him off the apron, eliminating him at 51:02. Edge tries to dump Rey, but he is saved by Batista. Edge and Batista trade elimination attempts while Andre, winded in the corner, fends off a flurry of blows from Mysterio. Andre grabs Rey by the head and squeezes, and then tosses him over, but Rey collapses on the apron and does not fall off. Batista and Edge double-team Andre. He powers through, clotheslining both men down. Andre stands tall as the countdown hits zero. The lights go out. Then “Gong!”
#13 The Undertaker (2007 winner)
When the lights come back on Undertaker is already standing in the ring, behind Andre, who is watching the entrance area. He turns around and he and ‘Taker have a stare down. Monsoon notes that Untertaker rarely has to look up to anyone. Jesse says, “I’ve been told Andre has always looked up to me.”
Undertaker takes the first shot, but Andre blocks it. Andre chops ‘Taker, but ‘Taker no-sells it. He shoves Andre, but Andre grabs him and delivers a head butt. ‘Taker stumbles to the ropes and comes bouncing back with a forearm to Andre’s skull. The giant shakes his head and smiles and evil smile. ‘Taker responds in kind and the two begin pummeling each other. Edge, Rey, and Batista all find a corner to sit and watch the two behemoths trade blows and recuperate. Finally, a double clothesline spot and both men hit the canvas. Batista is out of his corner. He goes after Andre. They get tangled up in the ropes and struggle with one another. Undertaker does the zombie sit-up, but is immediately dropkicked by Mysterio. He does the sit-up again, and another dropkick. The third time Mysterio eats a spear out of nowhere from Edge. Edge’s save is rewarded by ‘Taker with a choke-slam on to Rey’s prone body. The countdown kicks in again. The corner posts erupt into flames as the music hits for…
#14 Kane (special entry)
“Another non-winner,” protests Ventura, “but I like his style.” JR notes that Kane holds the record for both Rumble appearances (13) and most eliminations in a single Rumble (11 in 2001), which is probably what earned him a spot in the Ultimate Rumble.
Kane heads straight for Undertaker. The two feign coming to blows, engage in a quick embrace and then turn and level Andre. Kane clotheslines the giant down. Taker drops a knee on Andre’s chest. He picks Andre up and he and Kane double choke-slam the giant. They scoop him up and dump him over and out at the 1:02:15 mark. Andre draws a huge ovation from the fans. Monsoon notes that Rey has been in the ring for over an hour now. No sooner has Gorilla said the words when Kane grabs Rey by the throat and dumps him over the top and out. However, he incredibly lands on the prone body of Andre and does not hit the floor. Jesse protests while JR and Monsoon goad him on. Kane and Undertaker go to work. Double-goozle on Batista, and he’s gone at 1:03:35. Edge gets a tombstone from ‘Taker and is casually tossed by Kane at 1:04:10. Jesse takes more flack from JR and Gorilla about his pick being gone. Rey jumps from Andre to the ring apron and rolls back into the ring. He stares at the Brothers of Destruction as the countdown hits zero again.
#15 Brock Lesnar (2003 winner)
Lesnar rushes the ring, shoves Mysterio aside and delivers a flying shoulder block to Kane and ‘Taker. Monsoon notes we have reached the halfway point of the match as it’s clobberin’ time for Lesnar. JR notes that Mysterio has now broken the all-time longevity record for the Rumble, now at over one hour and seven minutes. Kane and ‘Taker finally get the upper hand on Brock, but he’s still faring pretty well considering his adversaries. The clock hits “0” again.
#16 Bret “Hitman” Hart (1994 co-winner)
Hart is jumped from behind by Shawn Michaels on his way to the ring. They brawl on the ramp and down to the ringside area, where the referees try to break them up. Rey has recovered enough to help Brock in his battle against the Brothers, while Bret and Shawn continue to fight. Shawn finds a char and levels Bret with it. He nails him again and stands tall over his rival. Monsoon asks what Michaels is trying to prove. The countdown begins again.
#17 Shawn Michaels (1996 winner)
Michaels grins and jumps up on the apron, stepping in. The crowd boos.
“He’s already been eliminated,” says Monsoon.
“Yeah but he won the Rumble twice, you idiot,” Jesse gloats.
“Remember you said that,” JR says knowingly.
He grabs Rey from behind and tosses him out. This time there is no miracle save and Mysterio is gone at 1:16:22. The crowd boos Shawn almost out of the building before giving Rey a standing ovation and a “Rey!” chant. Shawn goads the crowd, but turns into a big right hand from Undertaker, which he sells with a 360-degree spin. Meanwhile, Rey gets to his feet and finds Bret, sitting him up and checking on him. He gets the “Hitman” up and to his feet. Bret assures him he’s okay and ambles over to the ring. He’s met by Kane and they square off while HBK and ‘Taker fight. Lesnar stands in the corner, content to let the four men waste energy and wear each other down. The countdown clock fires up again.
#18 “Nature Boy” Ric Flair (1992 winner)
The opening notes of “Thus Spake Zarathustra” begin to play, and Flair struts out. He takes his time heading to the ring, in no hurry. Ventura notes how smart that is. Also, Flair has Bobby “The Brain” Heenan in tow. Monsoon scoffs at Heenan’s presence.
Flair finally enters, still taking his time. He steps back out onto the apron, continues to strut along the apron. Brock decides he’s had enough and grabs Flair by the head and neck and tosses him into the ring. Flair immediately begins begging off. Lesnar surveys the crowd about whether or not he should turn Flair into a stain on the canvas, but the wily Flair sees Brock look away and nails him with an uppercut low-blow. Lesnar crumples and Flair, still in his robe, applies the figure-four leg-lock. Michaels and ‘Taker trip over Flair and Lesnar and sprawl through the ropes. The crowd emits a collective gasp before they see referee Tim White indicate that neither man went over the top. Michaels grabs a set of metal steps and levels ‘Taker with them. Meanwhile, Kane, having temporarily put Hart down on the mat, drops an elbow on Lesnar. Kane and Flair team up on Brock and the timer reaches zero again…
#19 “The Celtic Warrior” Sheamus (2012 winner)
“This ol’ boy here is a real hoss!” says JR. “I’m anticipating some real slobber-knockin’ now!”
Sheamus is all smiles as he strolls down to the ring, slapping hands with the fans. As he approaches the ring his face grows more serious. He hops up to the apron and appears to be measuring the competition. The then leaps into action in the ring.
“Boom!” a Brogue kick for Kane, “Boom!” a Brogue kick for Undertaker, another for Flair and another for Hart! He grabs HBK up for the Celtic Cross but Michaels slides out of it and delivers a superkick to the back of Sheamus’ head.
Sheamun staggers right into an F-5 from Lesnar. Prone on the canvas, he’s is helpless as Brock scoops him up and viciously hurls him out at the 1:28:30 mark. The six men in the ring then realize that the match is still going on and begin to pair up and start pummeling each other as the clock indicates the next entrance is due.
Suddenly, the arena lights go out again. Jesse says, “But the Undertaker is already out here!” Then “lightning” begins to flash and a crow cries. There’s a spotlight up in the rafters, and to the shock of everyone there he is…
#20 Sting (special entry)
JR is completely apoplectic. “That’s Sting! Sting is here for the Ultimate Rumble! By God, it’s the Stinger himself.”
“That’s impossible!” cries Jesse. “What it Sting doing here! This isn’t right and you know it, Ross!”
Ross says Sting won the BattleBowl at the 1991 edition of Starrcade, “the WCW version of the Royal Rumble,” in JR’s words, plus “he’s the biggest star in the past 30 years that never worked for McMahon.”
Sting drops down to the ring on a guide-wire, baseball bat in hand. Everyone wisely gives him room. He quickly frees himself from the harness, throws the bat out of the ring, and goes to work. He whips Flair into the corner. Stinger Splash! He turns and sees Michaels. Running forearm for HBK! He spins around and eats a clothesline from Kane, but no-sells it and pops up with a signature Stinger “Whoo!” He nails a cross body that sends Kane flying. Hart approaches Sting with his hand out. Sting shakes Hart’s hand. The two survey the situation and appear to reach some sort of agreement. Hart goes after Undertaker and Sting goes after Kane. Meanwhile Lesnar and HBK are going at while Flair may be legally dead in the corner. Heenan splashes water in Flair’s face and fans him with a towel. Sting and Hart send the Brothers of Destruction crashing into each other in the middle of the ring. Kane and Hart tussle in the ropes while Sting and Undertaker face off in the middle of the ring. The crowd begins to buzz. Things are about to come to a head when Shawn nails Sting from the side with a superkick. Before anything else can happen, it’s time for another participant.
#21 “Stone Cold” Steve Austin (1998 winner)
The crowd, despite having turned on Steve during his first appearance tonight, is rabid for the Rattlesnake all over again. Austin hits the ring running. Kick! Stunner! Gone for Kane at 1:35:55! Kick! Stunner! Gone for Flair at 1:36:28! Heenan has a conniption at ringside. Kick for Lesnar, but the Stunner is blocked and Brock nails Steve with a big punch. Austin staggers, flips Brock the double-bird and whips him into the ropes, taking him down with a Thesz Press. Undertaker peels Austin off of Lesnar and choke-slams him. Hart and Sting continue their team up and force Lesnar out at 1:38:22. They go after Michaels in a corner while Austin and ‘Taker continue their fight. Sting breaks away and jumps the Undertaker from behind, nearly eliminating him. Sting and Austin have a face-off and JR actually mentions their history together in WCW in the early ‘90s. They go after ‘Taker, but Sting shocks “Stone Cold” and everyone else, by dumping Austin over and out. Austin, incensed tries to climb back into the ring, but a gaggle of referees prevents it. Security has to restrain Austin to get him to the back as the clock ticks down once more.
“Time to play the Game!”
#22 Triple H (2002 winner)
HHH comes out as Jesse makes him his new pick to win it all. He climbs into the ring and joins Michaels in a DX assault on Hart. Sting and Undertaker fight along the ropes. Hart manages to escape an elimination attempt and springs off the ropes with a double clothesline, but DX quickly recover. HHH holds Bret up for a superkick, but Hart ducks at the last minute and Shawn nails Hunter instead. He flies over the top but hangs on. He grabs Hart from the outside and tries to drag him over the top. The clock counts down again.
#23 Alberto Del Rio (2011 winner)
Ricardo Rodriguez stands at the entry way announcing Del Rio’s presence as makes his grand entrance, arriving in a tricked-out white Maybach Landaulet. The entrance alone takes nearly three minutes, during which time the action in the ring continues. Undertaker nearly fights Sting over the top, but the Stinger slides back in and almost dumps ‘Taker. HHH makes his way back into the ring and Hart skillfully dodges Hunter and Shawn, playing cat-and-mouse in the ring. Del Rio finally gets to ringside just as the clock hits zero again.
#24 The Rock (2000 Winner)
By the time “what the Rock is cooking” has played over the sound system, Rocky has run down to ringside, plowing over Ricardo in the process, grabbed Del Rio and tossed him in the ring. He delivers a quick Rock Bottom and tosses Del Rio over the top and out at 1:50:40. Del Rio is outraged. Jesse cries foul, but JR and Monsoon are laughing it up. Rock turns his attention to HHH. They square off. Sting and HBK have paired off, while Hart and Undertaker fight in the corner.
Del Rio comes over to the announce table and complains to the announcers, mostly in Spanish. Referee Charles Robinson comes over and tries to persuade him to leave, but he refuses. Meanwhile Rock and HHH fall through the ropes, out of the ring, but still in the Rumble. They fall at Del Rio’s feet, with HHH clipping Del Rio’s leg. Insulted and still angry, Del Rio begins stomping on HHH. Rocky recovers, surveys the situation, and re-enters the ring. He wails on Hart and Sting, while Del Rio picks up HHH and slams him on the floor. Now more referees are trying to get Del Rio to leave as the countdown starts again.
#25 Hulk Hogan (1991 winner)
The Hulkster is back, thanks to his second win. JR notes that in addition to his 1990 Rumble win, Hogan won the 1991 Rumble the next year, the last Rumble that did not come with a guaranteed Wrestlemania title shot.
“He ended up getting it anyway, thanks to backstage politics,” spouts Ventura.
Hogan hits the ring, already apparently in “hulk-up” mode. He nails Sting with a right hand, one for ‘Taker as well. A head butt for Rocky, another for Hart, and a clothesline for HBK. Hogan poses for the crowd and Monsoon notes that “Hulkamania is running wild.” While this is going on, HHH recovers and nails Del Rio at ringside. He reaches under the ring and pulls out a sledgehammer. Del Rio begs off, and runs, HHH gives chase around the ring. Del Rio scampers into the ring. HHH follows. Del Rio jumps over the top rope to safety. HHH stops and points to his head, but before he can turn around, Hogan grabs Hunter and dumps him over and out at 1:57:17. HHH is in shock. He pounds the sledgehammer on the ground and steel steps. Del Rio is laughing as he backs down the entry ramp. HHH sees him and gives chase. Del Rio scampers to the car, but HHH gets there before he can drive away. HHH takes the hammer to Del Rio’s luxury ride while Del Rio freaks out in the driver’s seat. Jesse and JR argue over Jesse’s new pick being out of the Rumble. Everyone pairs up again as the timer hits “0” again.
#26 “Stone Cold” Steve Austin (2001 winner)
“Him again?” asks Ventura. “That’s an unfair advantage!”
Ross: “You win the Royal Rumble three times, you deserve an advantage”
Monsoon notes the Rumble has hit the 2 hour mark
Austin hits the ring, ignoring HHH’s continuing destruction of Del Rio’s ride. He quickly interjects himself between Undertaker and HBK, delivering a double stunner to both men. He grabs ‘Taker and dumps him over and out at 2:00:31, after more than an hour in the ring. He whips around and nails Rocky who was in mid-tussle with Sting. Meanwhile, Hart and Hogan are trading blows. Jesse claims Hogan dodged Hart as the Hitman was being groomed for stardom in the early 1990s. Hogan clotheslines Hart out, but he hangs on and crawls along the apron. Hogan turns his attention to Austin. They brawl as JR notes that Austin has already eliminated Hogan once tonight. Sting and Michaels mix it up as Rocky tries to complete the elimination of Hart that Hogan started. Everyone brawls as the timer counts down again.
#27 Kevin Nash (fan vote)
Nash is dressed in his Diesel attire and coming out to his “Big Daddy Cool” music. JR notes that Nash is here as a result of winning an online poll for “Best Rumble Moment” for his performance in the 1994 Rumble wherein he eliminated seven wrestlers in succession before being eliminated.
“Well, there’s only six other guys in there now,” Ventura notes. “I’m picking Big Sexy as the winner right now!”
Nash steps over the top rope into the ring. The other six competitors stop fighting and charge Nash. He meets the charge headlong and clotheslines Sting and HBK. The others fall back. Nash punches Hogan, which Hogan sells like death. Big boot for Hart. Rocky ducks a haymaker and Austin grabs Nash from behind. Kick to the gut and a Stunner for Nash. Rock hits Nash with a Rock bottom. The two men scoop Nash up and toss him at the 2:07:00 mark. Monsoon tells Jesse he should “stop making predictions before he gets someone killed.” Rock and Austin decide their team-up was a success and turn to Hogan. Austin punches Hogan and whips him at Rock who is set up for another Rock Bottom, but Hogan turns it into a clothes line, sending both men over the top rope. Hogan hangs on but Rocky goes out at 2:08:44. Monsoon asks Ventura if he was secretly picking Rock as the winner. The clock hits zero again.
#28 John Cena (2008 winner)
Ventura spouts off about the draw being rigged to favor current stars, which Monsoon dismisses. Cena charges to the ring only to be intercepted by the Rock. They brawl in the aisle. Meanwhile, Hogan and Austin fight in the corner. Hart and Sting almost have Michaels out, but he hangs on. Rock and Cena make their way up to the entry stage, where Rocky nails a Rock Bottom on the steel stage. He then picks Cena up and tosses him down the ramp. Rock finds a chair and nails Cena a couple of times on the back before spitting on him and walking away. Cena is prone on the floor at ringside as the clock strikes zero.
#29 Randy Orton (2009 winner)
“What did I tell you?” Ventura screams. “Favortism! Are you gonna tell me that Cena and Orton drew #28 and #29?” JR notes that we still have one more entry to go, pauses for a minute as if he’s running down a list of Rumble winners and mutters, “oh no.”
Orton jumps into the ring and grabs Austin. He goes for a quick RKO, but it gets blocked. Austin charges Orton and nails him with a Thesz press. Hogan seizes the opportunity to join the melee between Sting, HBK and Hart. He nails Hart with a big right hand. Hart catches Sting with a clothesline intended for Hogan and the Stinger flips over the top to the ring apron. HBK catches Sting with a superkick, sending Sting to the floor, eliminating him at 2:18:04. Austin and Orton brawl to the canvas. Cena has managed to pull himself up on the ring apron. Hogan nails Hart with a big boot and nails him with the leg-drop. Hogan and HBK team up and finally toss Bret at 2:19:48. JR notes that Hart’s time in the Rumble of 1:14:48 nearly eclipsed the longevity record Rey Mysterio set earlier in the match. The countdown clock reappears as Jesse notes the final spot, the coveted #30 spot is due next…
“No chance! That’s what you got…”
#30 Vince McMahon (1999 winner)
“I knew it,” sighs Ross.
“You gotta be kidding me,” says Monsoon as Vince struts to the ring. As he gets closer, everyone in the ring begins to stop and watch.
“What?” Jesse asks incredulously. “Every Royal Rumble winner, Monsoon. Every one.”
“Are you seriously going to try and tell me that this isn’t rigged?” asks Monsoon. “McMahon at number 30. Are you serious
Vince is all smiles as he hops up on the ring apron and does Hulk Hogan’s “cup the hand to the ear” motion to the crowd, which elicits a chorus of boos. But Vince is oblivious. He then feigns stepping into the ring, stops, and then steps down. All eyes in the ring are on Vince. He struts over and picks up a microphone.
“What? Did you forget that I’m the owner of this company?” he says. “Oh, and did you really think I would give all of you a chance to put your meat-hooks on me again? No chance in Hell, my friends. But, don’t worry, there’s going to be a 30th entry in the Rumble. You see, everyone’s got a price.”
Over the speakers, “Money! Money! Money! Money! Moneeeeey!”
#30 “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase (special entry)
DiBiase’s signature laugh echoes throughout the arena. Monsoon calls the decision to allow Ted into the Ultimate Rumble a “miscarriage of justice.”
“Ha ha, Gorilla,” says Ventura. “Everyone does have a price! Even Vince McMahon. What do you figure it cost DiBiase to get into the Rumble…at the #30 spot no less?”
JR notes that DiBiase once tried to buy the WWF title from Hulk Hogan and then actually did buy it from Andre the Giant, although he was stripped of the title.
DiBiase takes his time, taking off his Million Dollar Championship belt and handing it to Virgil who has accompanied him to ringside. He then removes his sequined jacket and pants. Virgil hops up and holds the ropes open for DiBiase. Orton rushes over to nail DiBiase, but he shoves Virgil into Orton’s path. Virgil eats a clothesline from Orton, but DiBiase slides over and dumps Orton over and out before he even makes it into the ring a 2:21:04. Meanwhile Cena has made it into the ring and to his feet, although he is wobbly and using the ropes for support. DiBiase enters the ring as Orton protests to no avail. He rushes over and attempts to toss Cena, but Cena pounds his chest and levels DiBiase. He whips Ted into a waiting Austin, who gives DiBiase a Stunner. Hogan drops the leg on a prone DiBiase. Cena performs the Five-knuckle Shuffle and scoops DiBiase up. Michaels gets in on the action with a superkick, and Hogan disposes of DiBiase at 2:24:11. JR says “I guess money can’t buy everything,” as Monsoon says good riddance.
Your final four are:
Hulk Hogan, John Cena, Shawn Michaels and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
Ventura astutely points out that three of the four men are multiple-time Rumble winners, and says Cena “is just in there to sell T-shirts.”
Austin and HBK square off along the edge of the ring. Cena and Hogan meet in the middle of the ring. JR notes “generations are colliding” as they duke it out. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Hogan blocks it with a rake of the eyes. Hogan punches Cena once, twice, on the third, Cens blocks is, puffs out his cheeks, wags a finger at Hogan and hollers “Yooouu!” mocking Hogan’s comeback ritual. Hogan does the “You can’t see me!” gesture to Cena in response. They lock up and brawl to the edge of the ring. On the opposite side, Stone Cold dumps HBK and turns his attention to Hogan and Cena, not seeing that Michaels has held onto the ropes. Austin charges and dumps both Cena and Hogan. Hogan falls to the floor at 2:29:23. Cena hangs on, but Hogan trips him off of the apron and Cena is pushed to the floor by Austin at 2:29:40.
Meanwhile, HBK has returned to the ring and is striking up the band. Austin, thinking he has won, turns to the middle of the ring and eats a superkick from Shawn. Michaels picks up Austin and tries to dump him but Austin won’t go. The Rattlesnake fights back, but can’t gain any kind of real advantage. He finally shoves Michaels back. In the middle of the ring, Michaels gets clotheslined. He tries to kip up but Austin clotheslines him down and stomps away. He picks up HBK and tries to toss him, but Michaels skins the cat on the ropes and comes back in. He goes for the superkick, but Austin grabs the foot, hits Michaels with a fist to the groin. Michaels doubles over, allowing Austin to hit the Stunner and toss HBK out at 2:34:11. The crowd goes wild as Austin climbs the corners and drinks beer.
Winner of the Ultimate Rumble of Royal Destiny – “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
As the announcers close the show, Austin pledges to challenge Bruno Sammartino for the WWWF Title at Ultimate Wrestlemania! (which I have alrady started on for this year)
Tags: alberto del rio, batista, Big John Studd, Bret Hart, Brock Lesnar, Chris Benoit, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, HHH, Hulk Hogan, Jesse Ventura, kane, kevin nash, Lex Luger, randy orton, rey mysterio, Ric Flair, shawn michaels, sheamus, Sting, Stone Cold Steve Austin, ted dibiase, The Rock, undertaker, vince mcmahon, WWE, WWF, Yokozuna