We immediately open with Justin Roberts introducing Bret Hart to the WWE Universe. And Bret has a new theme! EPIC OVATION FOR THE HITMAN! Hell did indeed froze over. People might be wondering why he is here now. Bret says it is an amazing feeling. He tried to come back before, but Vince says it was impossible. He has one thing to say and that is he is glad to be back. He remembers many memories like his King of the Ring win at the Nutter Center. He is here for a reason and he wants Shawn Michaels to come out right now. Shawn comes out and they stand together in the ring. Bret wants to bury the hatchet and call for a truce. However, Shawn wants to say something he waited 12 years to say to him. Shawn goes uber heel and he tells Bret that he deserved everything 12 years ago. Bret rests his case as Shawn says that a part of him doesn’t even regret it. However, another part of him knows that in the last 12 years…things changed. Shawn flubs his lines in reference to the Ironman match they had. However, when he thinks of Bret, it’s not Montreal, it’s Anaheim. Shawn is ready to bury the hatchet and he asks Bret if he was sure and if he was ready. Bret offers his hand in friendship to Shawn. They shake on it. Shawn walks away…thinks about it, but he goes to hug Bret.

BUT, there’s one more thing. Bret Hart wastes no time to call out Vince McMahon! Of course Vince is more worried about Hulk Hogan, so we don’t get that interaction.

Kofi Kingston v. Randy Orton and DX v. JeriShow for the Tag Titles TONIGHT!

Commercials.

We return and Vince McMahon gets out of a meeting and Josh talks about him being called out. Vince says that he’ll call Bret Hart out later tonight.

We get the news that Melina is out with a torn ACL and she had to vacate the title. Therefore, we have an eight diva tournament to determine the new champion.

1st Round of the Diva’s Championship Tournament: Maryse v. Brie Bella (w/Nikki Bella)

Bell rings and Maryse shoves her in the ropes. Slap follows and Maryse does her taunt. Brie takes it to Maryse in the corner. Bree takes Maryse down twice and hits a dropkick that sends Maryse outside. Nikki smashes Maryse’s head on the table and Brie continues control. Maryse counters a rope move and she gets a two count. Switcharoo, but Maryse sees it and she plants Nikki with the French Kiss for the win.

Winner: Maryse
Grade: C-

The Miz comes out with NEW MUSIC! He says that if she wins the tournament, he might call her back. He continues to mock her and she blows him off when he says that he is awesome.

The next match is announced as MVP and Jack Swagger come out to the ring.

Commercials.

Fatal Four Way – U.S. Championship #1 Contendership: MVP v. Jack Swagger v. Carlito v. Mark Henry

Match begins in progress and Henry is already eliminated by Carlito on the outside for the time being. Swagger hits a powerslam and MVP breaks the fall. Belly to Back suplex on MVP and Carlito breaks it up. Swagger sends MVP into Carlito and Swagger only squshes Carlito in the corner. Henry comes back in and MVP gets sent on the outside. Henry manhandles everyone and Swagger gets taken out and he catches Carlito in a bearhug. Swagger ends up in a torture rack for his problems and MVP hits the Yakuza kick and he dispatches Henry out of the ring. MVP sets up and he hits the Playmaker and he wins!

Winner: MVP
Grade: C-

MVP stares at the Miz and he goes Ballin’.

Jericho and Big Show discuss strategy. Jericho has a plan. He is going to deal with the Hitman.

Commercials.

“Martyr No More” by Fozzy is the Royal Rumble theme song.

Jericho shows up in Bret’s office. Jericho thinks he knows the real Bret Hart. He wants Bret Hart to be the guest referee and screw Shawn Michaels. Bret will be blunt. He wants to put it to bed forever. Bret won’t be a hypocrite and if Jericho is going to win tonight, he’s going to have to win himself. He gets one over on Jericho and he leaves in disgust.

Hornswoggle plays with the new Mattel WWE action figures. Why? Because he is a kid. He can play with them if they beat JeriShow tonight. We bring in Santino Marella with rockstar hair. Trips calls for Hornsoggle to attack and we know why Jericho has the loudest voice of all the students in the dungeon as Santino yells. He gives Hornswoggle a cookie.

Tag Titles are up NEXT!

Commercials.

Unified Tag Team Titles: DX v. JeriShow

Bell rings and Hornswoggle hides under the ring. Show misses a chop and Shawn gets some of his own. Show uses a headbutt and Trips tags in. Show double suplexes DX and we go to break…do we really need a break now?

Commercials.

We are back and Jericho has Hunter in trouble. Tag to Big Show and Trips recovers. Knee smash connects, but Show no-sells and he hits a sidewalk slam on Trips. Show stands on Trips. Big leg drop gets a two count. Gut shot follows and Show goes to town on the ribs. Tag to Jericho and HE MOCKS HOGAN! HAHA! Sleeper hold locked in. Jericho lets go and he goes off the ropes…ARN ANDERSON SPINEBUSTER WITH AUTHORITY! Trips goes for a tag, but Show stops him. Big Show goes to the turnbuckle and he misses the big splash. Tag to Shawn and he takes it to the Big Show. Shawn can’t take the Big Show down, but he kips up twice. Chop Block sends Show down as does the kick to the face. Jericho goes down and Shawn goes to the top. Jericho crotches him, but Hornswoggle hits a helmet dive for distraction. Sweet Chin Music is BLOCKED as Show counters into a Chokeslam…TWO COUNT ONLY! Jericho goes for the Lionsault, but Shawn counters and Jericho counters the counter with a Walls attempt. Tag to Trips and Jericho gets Pedigreed! Show breaks it up. Chokeslam attempt countered to a SPIKE PEDIGREE! Jericho pushes Trips into Shawn and Jericho rolls him up for two. Jericho comes back with the Codebreaker…TWO COUNT ONLY, BROKEN UP BY SHAWN! Hornswoggle comes in…HE EATS A BOOT! Pedigree attempt, but Jericho counters with the Walls! SWEET CHIN MUSIC! Jericho is GONE…FROM…RAW!

Winners: DX
Grade: B

Triple H has a microphone and he says that Jericho is finished on RAW. So long. BYE BYE! Shawn has the microphone and he says if Jericho was now down with that, they have two words for him. Big Show leaves Jericho lying. At least DX is letting Jericho walk out with his dignity.

Someone knocks on Mr. McMahon’s door and it is Randy Orton. This is business. Orton has an offer for him. However, Vince won’t forgive Orton for what he did to his family. Orton says that Vince knows how to do business. He says Bret wants a fight and Orton vows to have his back. He wants the #30 spot in the Rumble. Vince tells Orton to never confront him again.

Orton meets up with Cody and Ted. They decide to put Orton through the test. If Orton loses, he’s out of Legacy. How does that work again?

Commercials.

Mike Tyson is the guest host NEXT WEEK!

We go back to last week where Sheamus escaped with the WWE Title in tow.

Sheamus makes his way to the ring. He said that last week, Cena couldn’t beat him. He did what he said he would do. He says that he will defend the title at the Rumble and it won’t be against Cena. He wants a new challenger. He says that he is the best there is and the best there ever will be. Cue Evan Bourne and he grabs the microphone from Sheamus. Bourne says that if he is given the opportunity that was given to Sheamus, he could beat him. He tosses the mic back in and Sheamus mocks Bourne.

Sheamus v. Evan Bourne

If Bourne wins, he gets a title shot at the Rumble. Bell rings ans Bourne goes for the kicks. Sheamus misses a punch. Bourne connects with some kicks and WE GET AIRBOURNE! Sheamus kicks out at two with authority! Off the top and Sheamus throws Bourne across the ring. Polish Hammer connects and Sheamus asserts control. Bicycle kick! The Irish Curse seals Bourne’s fate.

Winner: Sheamus
Grade: C

The WWE runs a “In Memory of Steve Williams” graphic…

Commercials.

We recap the Bret Hart vignette.

Commercials.

Kofi Kingston v. Randy Orton

Bell rings and Kofi takes it to Orton in the opening moment. Off the corner, Kofi takes Orton down. He goes back on the attack, but Orton catches him and he plays leapfrog against Kofi. Kofi wins the battle and regains control. Orton goes out of the ring and he EATS A BASEBALL SLIDE! Back inside, Orton no-sells and he goes for the DDT, but Kofi suplexes Orton on the outside. Break time!

Commercials.

We’re back and Orton has Kingston in a headlock. During break, Kofi got some hangtime and landing on the retaining wall. Kofi fights back and he eats a clothesline. Galvin stomp by Orton. Kofi tries to fight back, but Orton beats him into the ringpost. Orton connects with the guillotine choke…TWO COUNT ONLY! Kofi fights off a headlock and both men look for crossbodies…and they connect with each other!

HERE COMES KOFI! Dropkick connects and is followed by Control Frenzy! Uppercut snaps off the jaw and so does the Russian Leg Sweep. Boom Boom drop connects and Orton takes a powder. HEAT SEEKING MISSILE! Kofi sends Orton back inside and he goes off top. Crossbody…TWO COUNT! Kofi bounces off the ropes and counters the RKO into the SOS! Kingston picks Orton up…RKO countered! Trouble in Paradise to the forearms! RKO connects! Orton wins!

Winner: Randy Orton
Grade: B-

Rhodes and DiBiase look unimpressed.

Vince walks.

Commercials.

We’re back and Vince wishes us a Happy New Year. He says that Bret and Shawn made up and he feels that he doesn’t have anything to add. He plugs Tyson and Bret comes out with no music. The coat comes off and Vince knows what he is thinking. He wants to Bret to be the better man here. Vince still believes that Bret screwed himself. Vince wants Bret to apologize and isn’t trying to provoke him. Bret’s two words is not PG friendly appearantly. He wants to make peace with Vince and find closure. Vince wanted to kick Bret in the guts, but ultimately Bret is right. Vince says that he gave Bret the opportunity to make a name of himself. Vince nominate Stu Hart into the 2010 WWE Hall of Fame and Bret appreciates that. Vince thanks Bret for all the moments and simply being who he is. They shake hands. The mics go down and they raise arms. Vince finishes the moment with a swift kick to the balls! So…where’s the Hart Dynasty?

Show over.

The Final Grade for WWE RAW: C+

The Final Pulse

Well, RAW was just a normal RAW tonight. Nothing over the top as it appeared that WWE wasn’t fazed by TNA’s offering. Bret Hart was non-committal for the most part as far as being a guest host, but his interactions were top notch and the eventful McMahon-Hart feud has begun.

I will be back this week sometime with a special one-time-only edition of The Marshall Report. I’ll analyze iMPACT and RAW and will make my case as to which show had the better show. Keep it to the Pulse all week because the fun has just begun!
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Chat with your favorite Pulse Wrestling writers and other wrestling fans in our exclusive Pulse Wrestling chat. To enter the chat, click the following link below.

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TNA’s live coverage will begin at 8PM EST and RAW’s live coverage will begin at 9PM EST!
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BURN IT TO THE GROUND!

We’re live from Hartford, CT. Sheamus defends his title against Cena tonight and Vince McMahon will address Bret Hart tonight on RAW.

YOU CAN’T SEE ME! Are we kicking things off with the title match now? Maybe not. Cena takes and he leaves a ring and brings a table inside. Cena is perched atop the turnbuckle as he is about to address the fans. He reminds us how Sheamus became the WWE Champion two weeks ago. Tonight is the last RAW of 2009 and Cena has gone crazy. He wants the rematch now and he wants to make it a Tables match. Sheamus responds to this challenge by Cena. In the ring, he takes a microphone and asks if Cena is for real. Sheamus doesn’t have to prove anything as he is the champion. It’s noted this week his name is engraved on the title belt whereas last week it was not. Sheamus tells Cena that the rematch happens on his terms and a tables match isn’t in the books. Instead, he is going to beat Cena one-on-one straight up later tonight in the main event. Cena hops through the table and Sheamus turns around to be given an Attitude Adjustment through the table! That was a strong statement by Cena.

Commercials.

We’re back and Timbaland is already having a party with the RAW Divas. Josh Matthews asks Timbaland what the status of tonight’s main event is. He responds in monotones and the fans have spoken. They have a not-so-PG moment with shaking asses and the like.

Meanwhile, Legacy is perky and Orton is pissed off. Orton says that he thinks he has to break up Legacy and how he wasted a year and a half of his career trying to build them up. Rhodes and Legacy defends themselves saying that they saved Orton’s ass. Orton has arranged for a couple matches to test them. DiBiase has Bourne and Rhodes has Mark Henry. If they lose their matches, they are out and Orton will personally kick their asses.

Chris Jericho has a sign saying “Stop the Jericho Embargo” outside the arena.

Randy Orton makes his way out to the ring to observe the match coming up next!

Commercials.

Local advertising is hyping John Cena & Undertaker v. Big Show & Batista on February 20th in Springfield, IL.

Now a table is set up outside the arena and Chris Jericho still trying to get people to care about him.

The Marine 2 trailer plays and the DVD comes out tomorrow!

Ted DiBiase v. Evan Bourne

The bell sounds and DiBiase has Bourne in his sights. Bourne takes advantage of a missed knee drop and he takes it to DiBiase. LARIAT by DiBiase sends Bourne up and over for a two count. Brainbuster by DiBiase scores another two count. He drops the elbows and he snaps on a chinlock. Bourne comes back up and DiBiase eats a kick. Corner charge averted…but Bourne hops on DiBiase and flips him halfway across the ring for a two count. Schoolboy gets another two. Bourne goes for AirBourne, but DiBiase gets up and he goes up on the turnbuckle. Bourne kicks him off and he misses a top rope charge. Dream Street connects and DiBiase passes the test.

Winner: Ted DiBiase
Grade: C

Rhodes takes on Henry next!

Commercials.

Cody Rhodes v. Mark Henry

The match begins with Rhodes playing cat and mouse. Henry isn’t in the mood as he tosses Rhodes clear across the ring. Butt splash misses and Rhodes tries to take advantage. Rhodes gets tossed out of the ring. Back in, a dropkick proves ineffective and Henry drops his hips on Rhodes and lands wrong on his leg. World’s Strongest Slam is floated over and Rhodes clips the leg. Rhodes kicks the leg out of Henry and Rhodes hits a DDT for the three.

Winner: Cody Rhodes
Grade: D-

Orton shows his approval as they walk up the ramp.

Meanwhile, Jillian Hall tries to get an audition with Timbaland and Gail Kim tries to save us from embarrassment. However, Triple H has Hornswoggle taped to a skateboard and a helmet on him. Last week, Shawn took Hornswoggle to church, so Trips has to train Hornswoggle. Shawn is worried about Bret Hart. Trips tells Shawn to not worry, leave Vince alone, and don’t do anything stupid. HA! Afterwards, Jillian Hall tries to crap…I mean rap. Here comes a midget on a skateboard and he knocks her on his ass. Timbaland approves.

Commercials.

Later tonight, DX takes on Big Show and someone of his choosing and Kofi Kingston takes on the Miz and if he wins, he gets the Miz next week for the U.S. Title!

Kelly Kelly v. Maryse

The bell rings and Maryse taunts her way to a slap. Kelly takes her down and CATFIGHT! Maryse gets up and she berates Kelly, but she comes back with a clothesline and a dropkick! Up on the top…crossbody gets a two count! Maryse gets sent to the corner and Kelly misses the handspring elbow. Maryse gets Kelly up on the top and does a top rope arm drag. Maryse hits her spike DDT for the pinfall!

Winner: Maryse
Grade: D+

Maryse cackles and laughs asking if Melina is watching her. She speaks French and she finishes that she’ll never be as sexy as her. She finishes talking and she kicks Kelly Kelly for good measure.

Vince McMahon is on his way to the ring…NEXT!

Commercials.

Jericho is still outside protesting and Big Show comes up to him. Show tells Jericho that all good things have to come to an end. He hands Jericho an envelope with presumbly a ticket to the show inside.

Vince McMahon Addresses the Rumors

The fans chant “We Want Bret” out of the gate. He skirts away from the topic, giving himself credit for having weekly guest hosts on RAW. He then turns his attention to Bret Hart and he has a video package of Hart to which he shows us. This eventually segues way to the Montreal Screw Job. Vince reiterates that he did not screw Bret Hart. Vince has allowed Bret Hart to come back and he inducted Bret into the WWE Hall of Fame, but Bret never shook Vince’s hand. In spite of all this, next week the guest host will be… and Vince can’t say it. He tries again…and he says he can’t do it. Vince says that Bret Hart will never be a guest host for WWE RAW.

Out comes Shawn Michaels and Vince becomes happy for him. However, Shawn isn’t happy. Sometimes, there are rivalries that are bigger than the industry. Some rivalries are bigger and you can’t deny them. This quickly segues into a rivalry with the Undertaker. Shawn knows that he can beat Taker and he wants Vince to make Taker/Michaels II at Wrestlemania 26! Vince won’t make the match because if it is going to happen, then Shawn has to make it happen. Shawn isn’t finished and he says that he can understand Vince being afraid of the Undertaker, but being afraid of Bret Hart? It’s absurd. Bring Bret Hart back to RAW and good things will happen. Vince says that he is fearless. Only good things will happen. Shawn says that he’ll be more than happy to see Bret one more time. Vince formally announces…Bret Hart as your guest host next week on RAW!

John Cena is with Josh Matthews and Sheamus unleashes Irish revenge upon Cena that leaves him lying in pain!

Commercials.

Random things happen in Timbaland’s locker room. Kofi is happy to get a shot at the U.S. Title and MVP wants the first shot at the title. REALLY! The Miz says that Kofi and Miz will be mere afterthoughts and Miz takes a potshot at Gail Kim saying that she can’t keep up with Maryse because he know it. Timbaland changes things up saying that if Kofi beats Miz tonight, then the title is on the line immediately after the match. They mock the Miz afterwards.

We recap Bret Hart returning to the WWE next week. We also recap what happened earlier when Sheamus ate a table and Cena ate a dose of Irish Revenge.

Here comes the Miz!

The Miz v. Kofi Kingston

The bell sounds and Miz hits a snap suplex to take control. Miz attacks in the corner and is restrained. Corner splash connects and he goes to the top. Off the ropes…TROUBLE IN PARADISE! Kofi wins!

Winner: Kofi Kingston
Rating: Withheld until the conclusion of the title match

The referee checks on Miz and we go to break.

Commercials.

U.S. Title Match: Kofi Kingston v. The Miz

We’re JIP as Kofi Kingston hits a cross body on the Miz for a two count. The S.O.S. gets another two count. The Miz can’t mount any offense as Kofi hits a side Russian leg sweep. Boom Drop connects with a twist and he waits for the Miz. TROUBLE IN PARADISE CONNECTS! However, the referee can’t count as Orton is out to cost Kofi the title and he hits the RKO out on the floor!

Winner via DQ: Kofi Kingston (The Miz retains the U.S. Title)
Grade: NR. (I can’t rate this as it was pure angle advancement.)

Josh Matthews asks Orton why he attacked Kofi. He says that the issue with them isn’t over so next week he’ll kick Kofi in the skull.

DX makes their way to the ring and they do their gig. Chris Jericho makes his way in the arena and he has a front row seat.

Commercials.

Big Show brings Chavo Guerrero out as a partner and Jericho is jealous.

DX v. Big Show & Chavo Guerrero

Bell rings and Triple H quickly eats a couple vertical suplex before he gives Chavo a brainbuster. From the corner, Trips levels Chavo with a lariat. Tag to Shawn and Chavo must be happy that he is even facing DX. Big Show takes care of Shawn and he scores a two count on HBK. Tag to Big Show and Shawn is in trouble. Double handed chokebomb follows this and Chavo gets tagged back in. Shawn fights back with some chops, but Chavo gets an uppercut. Off the ropes, Chavo lands on the knees and we get tags all around. Trips counters a chokeslam attempt, but Show sends him to the corner. Trips misses the charge and he plants Chavo with a spinebuster. On the Big Show, Trips hits a knee buster and Show comes back with a spear. Tag to Chavo and he climbs atop the giant. Frog Splash misses and Big Show gets taken out of the action. Hornswoggle comes in and tries to hit a little Pedigree, but Chavo neutralizes him. He turns around into a real Pedigree and that is it.

Winners: DX
Grade: B-

Jericho gets pissed off and he eats a Sweet Chin Music for his efforts.

Triple H says that JeriShow will get a real rematch next week on RAW and if they lose, he is gone from RAW forever.

We hype RAW next week and I find it cute that they didn’t mention TNA at all.

WWE Title is up for grabs…NEXT! Don’t blink or you might miss it!

Commercials.

Oh GOD…he was mildly ineffective tonight, but now he’s heading to the ring with the Bella’s as our special guest ring announcer. It’s 10PM CST and our title match isn’t happening yet. Epic Fail.

WWE Championship: John Cena v. Sheamus

The bell sounds at 10:03PM and they stare down in the middle of the ring. BRAWL TO START! Cena sends Sheamus to the corner and Sheamus counters the bulldog. Sheamus is in control over Cena and he thrusts his shoulder against Cena’s stomach. Suplex connects and he covers for a two count. Cena backpedals to the corner and Sheamus sends him corner to corner. HERE COMES CENA! Protobomb connects! Time for Five Knuckle Shuffle and he goes for the Attitude Adjustment! Sheamus grabs the ropes and he lets go, taking the referee down for the predictable DQ.

Winner via DQ: John Cena
Grade: F.T.S.

Cena is pissed off and he throws Sheamus back in the ring. Once he gets inside, Cena eats a bicycle kick! Cena gets back up and he eats another kick.

RAW BELONGS TO ME!

Show Over.

RAW Grade: D+

Tonight’s show was all about the hype for Bret Hart. The wrestling sucked at best, aside from DX and Guerrero/Big Show. The Miz/Kofi match was a disappointment and the WWE Title match was predictable. Cena had to win…he did via DQ. It was too damned short. The only thing really redeeming tonight was Vince McMahon and Shawn Michaels. DX v. Guerrero/Show saved it from another worse grade. You didn’t miss much this week.

Next week, Pulse Wrestling will have TWO real-time coverage feeds for WWE RAW and TNA iMPACT! I’ll handle WWE RAW and Ricardo Rochetti will take a stab at TNA iMPACT. It’s going to be a train wreck on the Pulse, so be sure to keep it to the Pulse next week for the biggest dual coverage of what could be the return of the Monday Night War. Until then, see you in seven!
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Author’s Note: Due to time constraints, I won’t have your normal Report Card or my thoughts at the end of the report. Instead, I’ll use star ratings this week and I’ll most likely sneak in some comments during the real-time coverage. Thanks for understanding…and things will be back to normal next week!

WWE…BURN IT TO THE GROUND!

We are LIVE from Tampa, Florida!

Tonight, John Cena takes on Jack Swagger and DX goes to court!

Justin Roberts intros us to Johnny Damon. A Yankee in Devil Ray country…this should be interesting. Or should it be a Yankee in Marlin country? He wishes us Merry Christmas. He acknowledges the boos and he don’t know where he will be in 2010…but it doesn’t matter tonight. We have some secret Santas tonight to grant one superstar one wish.

Oh God…we have a tiger…and a woman wielding a three iron parading around in the ring. Is that even on the script?

Six Diva Tag Team Match: Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, & Melina v. Jillian Hall, Alicia Fox, & Maryse

All the divas are dressed as Santa’s Little Helpers. Gail and Jillian start things off and we go corner to corner. Jillian misses a charge and Gail uses her head. Crossbody and that gets two for Gail. Jillian does her handspring elbow, but Gail gets on top and Jillian drops her in an electric chair for two. Tag to Maryse and she does a backbreaker for a two count. This is longer than last week’s 14 Diva tag. Kelly comes in and she owns Maryse. Leg drop gets a two count and the divas go wild. Melina sneaks in and dropkicks Maryse into a rollup by Kelly for the win.

Winners: Kelly, Gail, & Melina
Match Rating: *

Commercials.

The ECW Homecoming continues tomorrow night!

We’re back and we discuss the DX/Hornswoggle angle. We go to court…NOW!

Earlier today, Shawn and Hunter are in the empty arena reading a paper. They go to the ring and go underneath the ring. It’s dark…so they use a DX glow stick. Somehow they aren’t under the ring anymore. They walk and they find where it is. There’s plenty of little people in here… Oh God…this is going downhill already. Hornswoggle comes in and he grunts a bit. Would it hurt his credibility to give him some actual English speaking lines?

Exhibit A: DX embarrasses Hornswoggle…or is it the other way around?

We’ll return to this later.

Time for another six man tag match.

Randy Orton & The Legacy v. Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, & Mark Henry

Where did MVP go? The bell rings and Orton squares off against Henry…actually, he tags in Rhodes and takes a powder. He goes in the corner and DiBiase gets leveled. Military Press by Henry on Rhodes and he tags in Kofi who beats the hell out of Rhodes in the corner. He goes for the splash in the corner and he misses badly. Tag to Orton and we go to break as Orton is about ready to take it to Kofi.

Commercials.

We’re back and Cody Rhodes has Kofi Kingston in a headlock, but Kofi fights out…for a second. Off the ropes Cody goes and he gets backdropped. Tag to Bourne and he takes it to Rhodes. DOUBLE DROPKICK TO ORTON AND DIBIASE! Rhodes goes for the CrossRhodes, but Bourne counters…AIR BOURNE CONNECTS! It’s balls to the walls as Orton drags Bourne out and he hits a hard lariat out of the ring. Rhodes covers for a two count. Tag to Orton and he hits the Galvin stomp. Orton catapults Bourne to the bottom rope and that only gets two. Tag to DiBiase and he hits a brainbuster…BOURNE KICKS OUT! Kick to the ribs and DiBiase continues the pressure on the head and neck. Bourne tries to fight back and he does. Both run the ropes and DiBiase hits Bourne with a discus clothesline…TWO COUNT ONLY! Tag to Rhodes and he does a little work before tagging DiBiase back in. Bourne sends DiBiase to the corner…DROPKICK! Both men are down. Tag to Orton! Tag to Kofi! Kofi has the upperhand! Orton sends Kofi to the corner, but he springboards to a roundhouse! Boom drop connects, but Rhodes intervenes. Henry takes out Rhodes and DiBiase blind tags in….Kofi sees it and DiBiase eats Trouble in Paradise for the win!

Winners: Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, & Evan Bourne
Match Rating: ***

Johnny Damon has some fun backstage with Santa and the divas. Eve Torres and Carlito are under the mistletoe, but Chris Masters replaces Eve and they want to fight. Santa Slaughter wants them to fight tonight, but he can’t make matches. Johnny Damon says that it’s on and we get an uncomfortable moment where Slaughter wanted to kiss Damon… And I thought Dennis Miller was bad… Maybe I need to rewatch last week’s show for a second opinion.

Commercials.

We’re back to the Little People’s Court. Hunter thinks it’s all a misunderstanding and Shawn calls them trolls. Some more short jokes are made and we go to Exhibit B…where Hornswoggle gets Pedigreed. Shawn goes nuts and if he wants DX, he has to take on some challenges. The mob goes to attack DX and they gey back out from underneath the ring. Shawn gets dragged underneath the ring…but they run away. Oh God…

John Cena walks.

Commercials.

Last week: John Cena vows to not lose until he regains the WWE Title.

John Cena v. Jack Swagger

Oh God…Swagger might have the crabs…or jock itch. The bell rings and Swagger takes Cena down with mat based wrestling. He tees off on Cena in the corner and chokes Cena out. Pillar to post…reversed by Cena who executes the bulldog. He elevates Swagger out of the ring and it’s time for break. Why so many commercials in such a short time?

Commercials.

We’re back and Swagger has Cena in a modified full nelson. Cena uses his strength to get out of the hold. Shoulderblock attempt countered into a high angle spinebuster by Swagger. Pushups ensue and Swagger continues control. Gut shots in the corner followed by a club shot to the back. Swagger misses a charge and Cena goes toe to toe…Bulldog attempt by Cena is countered to a side slam for a two count. Swagger locks the arms against the back…another modified full nelson. This time, the back is hyperextended a bit. Snapmare takedown and Swagger goes back to the full nelson on the side guard. Cena tries to get up…and he creates separation. Swagger misses a right and Cena hits a Belly-to-Belly for two. Pillar to Post we go and Swagger catches Cena again! Leg drop connects and Swagger sets Cena up. Swagger Splash connects…but Cena is able to kick out! Gutwrench suplex attempt by Swagger is countered with a backdrop and both men are down. Swagger misses a charge AND HERE COMES CENA! Protobomb connects! Cena drops some Five Knuckle Shuffle and Swagger counters the Attitude Adjustment with a dragon screw! Running Dominator by Swagger keeps Cena down for two! Swagger goes after Cena in the corner and we go to the top. Big Mistake…as Cena counters the superplex and he drops the leg…MISSES! Swagger goes for the Swagger Splash…MISSES! Cena has Swagger in the STF and Swagger TAPS!

Winner: John Cena
Match Rating: ***1/2

Did I just watch Cena win in a highly competitive match? There wasn’t no 30 second comeback that is normal for Cena. Cena was human.

Santa Rhodes is talking to Damon and MVP wants to prove that he has what it takes to be World Champion. He wants an opportunity to compete for a title shot. He wants Sheamus v. MVP and that match is on tonight!

Commercials.

We’re back!

Chris Masters v. Carlito

My computer ate this recap, but it’s nothing to write home about. Masters tries the Masterlock several times and Carlito breaks it. Carlito does a sleeper attempt, but Masters catches Carlito off the ropes with a Masterlock and Carlito passes out. Post match, Eve Torres kisses Chris Masters and his boobs jingle.

Winner: Chris Masters
Match Rating: 1/4*

We get a recap of Tribute to the Troops. I have a recap of the show here.

Commercials.

We’re back and the Bella Twins hang out with Tiger. Santa IRS talks to the Miz, who wants to be WWE Champion and he wants everything. Looks like the Miz is being audited and the blond bimbo spots the Tiger and she wields the three iron like…err…I’m not gonna finish that sentence. IRS calls Johnny and baseball players the biggest tax cheats of all time. Johnny finds himself under the mistletoe…and it’s Mae Young giving Johnny something he’ll never forget. She also made my stomach forget what I ate tonight.

Sheamus v. MVP

But first……

Commercials.

Timbaland is your guest host next week and the shock value will be increased a hundred fold!

Now…

Sheamus v. MVP

Sheamus attacks after the bell and he takes MVP to town in the corner. MVP goes low and Sheamus responds with a clubbing blow to the back. The Rock Bottom Backbreaker (for the lack of a better name) connects and MVP crawls to the corner. Sheamus charges and he eats turnbuckle. MVP goes toe to toe and Sheamus eats on MVP’s knee. Ballin’ Elbow…I DON’T THINK SO! Bicycle kick connects and Sheamus goes for the Razor’s Edge to finish this squash.

Winner: Sheamus
Match Rating: DUD

HERE COMES CENA! He has a microphone and he says that Sheamus owes Cena a rematch. The shirt comes off and he wants his rematch RIGHT NOW! SHeamus backs off once…twice…and he makes Cena wait.

Commercials.

Johnny Damon wants mouthwash, but Vince comes in and suggests sandpaper. Vince wants Damon to make the match sometime…so we get it next week. Damon name drops Bret Hart and Vince shrugs it off. He gets cleaned up some more and wants that mouthwash.

The Miz v. Santino Claus

Santino gives some gifts out and he rocks it out to “Santino Claus is Coming to Town.” So…he’s better than Jillian Hall. The bell sounds and Miz beats the Santa out of Santino. He chokes away in the ropes and he drops his weight on him in the process. Neckbreaker connects for the Miz and he continues to beat a hole into Santino. He charges..MISSES THE CORNER ASSAULT! Santino does the splits and hits an armdrag before going to the top rope. Saluting headbutt misses and the Skull Crushing Finale finishes this.

Winner: The Miz
Match Rating: 1/2*

The Miz steps on the bag of goodies and kicks it out of the ring.

We recap the Little People’s Court segments of Hell. Gotta say…Shawn is awesome, though.

Big Show walks and is stopped by Josh Matthews. He is tired of the imposter Santas so he’s calling Santa out.

Commercials.

The Marine 2 trailer plays. I don’t care what anyone else says…I’m going to at least rent the movie. Can’t be any worse than some of the other movies I seen.

Here comes the Big Show to call out Santa Claus. He doesn’t want the imposter…he wants the real deal. So here comes someone with the Bella Twins. He actually looks like a legit Santa. Since Big Show is too big, Santa sits on Big Show’s knee. Big Show wants his best friend and tag partner, Chris Jericho, back on RAW. Seems that Santa doesn’t like Jericho. So next week Chris Jericho will be back on RAW. Here comes Hornswoggle because we didn’t see him enough tonight. He pulls the beard…and he exposes Santa as a fraud as Chris Jericho. HAHAHA! The Midget DX army circle te ring and surround Jericho. The suit comes off and the midgets gangbang Jericho and Big Show comes for the save. Show picks up a midget and he drops him on the canvas. Show then picks the midget up and hands him to the referees. Hownswoggle is in peril in front of JeriShow and…he tunes up the band?

He kicks Jericho in the shins and here comes DX to save Hornswoggle? Jericho gets tossed out of the ring and Big Show gets double suplexed. They surround Hornswoggle now and Hunter wants to squash him. Shawn says no. He suddenly has a heart. Hunter hates him less and Shawn wants to keep him. They won’t let him in DX, but they will make him a mascot.

Show over. See you in seven.
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Live from Orlando, Florida

TNA World Tag Team Championships: Motor City Machine Guns v. The British Invasion

Bell sounds and Williams & Sabin start things off with mat based wrestling. Sabin rolls through a Greco Roman wristlock into a tag to Alex Shelley. Williams tags out to Brutus Magnus and he works the wrist as well. Shelley works a side headlock, but Magnus tosses him to the corner. Off the top goes Shelley and Magnus tries to turn it into a Tiger Driver…countered to a Fujiwara Armbar attempt to no avail. Tag to Sabin and the Brits head to the outside. DOUBLE PLANCHAS FOR THE BRITS! Back inside, Shelley gets hit with a drop toe hold and the Brits take control of this portion. Headscissors applied by Williams and he bashes Shelley’s head into the canvas. Cover gets two. The Gory Special connects by Williams and Shelley lands in the corner. Crossbody block by Shelley gets a two count and Williams tags in Magnus. They twisted the arms and drop Shelley in a reverse DDT for two, broken up by Sabin. Headlock applied by Williams. Shelley drops Williams and Magnus prevents a tag. Williams tags out and Shelley is caught in a Full Nelson. Masterlock that is not. Springboard crossbody by Shelley…CAUGHT by Magnus! Magnus goes off the top and he lands on Shelley’s knees. Tags all around and SABIN IS ON FIRE! Sabin counters a rollup attempt wth a stiff kick. He is a one man wrecking crew! TORNADO DDT BY SABIN…TWO COUNT ONLY! Cradle Shock gets blocked and Magnus tags in. Tag to Shelley and he hits a missile dropkick! Sliced Bread countered, but the single arm DDT to the turnbuckle connects! Shelley takes care of Williams…HEAT SEEKING MISSILE BY SABIN TO WILLIAMS ON THE OUTSIDE! SLICED BREAD BY SHELLEY…TWO COUNT ONLY! Shelley sets Magnus up and he goes to the top. Magnus moves out of the ring and it is balls to the wall as all four men find their way on the canvas! Shelley and Magnus square off in the ring, but Magnus connects with a couple European uppercuts. Williams has Shelley…Magnus takes out Williams! Sabin tags in…Magnus goes down. Double superkick connects, but Williams breaks it off. Cutter to Williams! CROSSBODY BY SABIN ONLY GETS TWO AS MAGNUS KICKS OUT! They set up for an electric chair, but the Brits get the referee distracted with Sabin. Double team elbow/powerbomb combination gives the Brits the win!

Winners: The British Invasion
Grade: B+

We have three title matches tonight and we’re burning through two of them already.

TNA Knockouts Championship: Tara v. ODB

Tara charges before the bell and ODB leaves the ring. That heel turn for ODB…not working. ODB tries to attack Tara, but Tara immediately gets ODB in the Tarantula. Slingshot legdrop gets a two count. Powerbomb attempt fails for Tara. ODB gets sent to the corner and she evades a charge. Opposite corner we go and ODB picks Tara up and DROPS HER ON HER NECK for a two count. That was sick. ODB goes for a bronco buster, but changes it midmove to a kick to the chest. ODB chokes away at Tara as the crowd is eerily quiet. Inverted DDT connects on Tara and ODB is having hot flashes of sorts. Tara tries a comeback, but ODB regains control. Fallaway slam connects on Tara and ODB kips up to little reaction. She covers for a two count. Tara bridges a pin attempt for two and ODB returns with a takedown. ODB grabs the hair and Tara tries a comeback. ODB knees her in the gut and she goes to the 2nd rope. She dives off and Tara moves out of the way. Tara favors the shoulder a bit from that shoulderbreaker earlier. Tara comes back and ODB gets a flapjack for her troubles. Snap suplex connects and Tara hits a standing moonsault for two. Tara looks for a Widow’s Peak, but ODB counters and sets Tara up for a TKO…Tara counters into a rollup…PINFALL!

Winner: Tara
Grade: D+

Christy Hemme interviews Tara and Tara gives a similar speech that was her first title win. ODB is pissed off in the ring.

Hype for January 4th, 2010.

Feast or Fired Match
Participants: Jay Lethal, Consequences Creed, Cody Deaner, James Storm, Robert Roode, Eric Young, Homicide, Kyoshi, Sheik Abdul Bashir, Rob Terry, Kevin Nash (w/some woman), & Samoa Joe

Clusterf*ck to start… Good luck with me keeping the score with this match. Deaner tries to get a case, but Bashir cuts him off. Bashir tries going for the case, but is stopped. Deaner tries again and is stopped again. Everyone is fighting out of the ring except for Bashir and Deaner. Bashir tries again and Deaner goes for an electric chair, but Bashir rakes the eyes. Lethal Consequences takes Kyoshi out and Homicide comes in and gets dismantled by Lethal Consequences. Creed climbs and Bashir cuts him off. Deaner finishes the job and Deaner and Bashir fight for the case! They continue the fight and Bashir gets case #2. Big Rob takes down case #4 and Eric Young is pissed off. Beer Money come in and they dispatch World Elite from the get go. Neckbreaker connects from Roode and they double team EY. Roode climbs up and he gets crotched by Nash and he climbs up to take down case #1. One case remaining. Samoa Joe is in the ring and he dispatches Lethal Consequences, but Creed takes Joe down. Roode hits a spinebuster on Creed, but EY hits a piledriver. Storm takes EY out and Kyoshi takes Storm down. Lethal Combo connects by Lethal, but Homicide blocks Lethal from getting a case…CUTTER SENDS BOTH MEN DOWN! Deaner climbs up…slowly…Samoa Joe KICKS HIM OUT AND HE GRABS THE CASE!

Briefcase Winners
Case 1: Kevin Nash
Case 2: Sheik Abdul Bashir
Case 3: Samoa Joe
Case 4: Big Rob Terry

Jeremy Borash is going to send it to the back.

Christy Hemme talks to Angle and Styles and Angle puts Desmond Wolfe over. He vows that Desmond won’t end his career tonight because he has unfinished business to tend to. Styles vows to give Kurt a shot sometime. He tells Daniels that he’s going to have to rip the title off him.

JB is back on the stage with SoCal Val. We’re going to reveal the cases now.

Kevin Nash is first and his case holds a Tag Team Title shot!
Samoa Joe is next and his case holds a World Title shot!
Big Rob Terry has a X Division Title Shot
Sheik Abdul Bashir…FIRED!

Taz brings up the “future endeavored” line.

Elimination Tag Team Match: Team 3D, Jesse Neal, & Rhino v. Hernandez, Matt Morgan, Suicide, & D’Angelo Dinero

The bell sounds and it appears that this will still be tag rules. Rhino starts things off and he beats into Hernandez. Rhino tags in Devon and Hernandez tries to mount some offense…HEADBUTT CONNECTS! Hernandez takes out the competition but Devon comes from behind and he chokes him out. Rhino tags in and he quickly tags out to Ray. He works on Hernandez in the corner. Ray stops a comeback and he continues to dismantle Hernandez. Rhino comes in and he hits a belly to belly and he sets for the Gore…CONNECTS! He covers…for a long two count! He tries again and he misses. Hernandez rolls Rhino up and he gets eliminated! Everyone else come in and he takes care of Herandez. Jesse Neal has a steel chair, but Ray distracts for time and everyone else comes into the match! The heels go out of the ring and SuperMex hits a plancha on them outside the ring! Dinero puts Neal in the ring and Suicide gets a two count. Dropkick in the corner connects and Neal kicks out at two again. Rolling senton connects and Suicide takes and hits a missile dropkick for two. Neal turns around and gets dropkicked for two. Neal comes back with the knees and he sends Suicide to the corner. Neal picks the chair up and he wallops Suicide with it and that brings Hernandez into the fight. He picks the chair up and he DENTS IT OVER NEAL’S HEAD! So, the referee DQ’s Hernandez for that, but allows Neal to stay in. Suicide gets 3D by Team 3D and he is eliminated. Dinero is in the ring and he has Ray reeling. Shoulderblock sends Ray down and that gets a two count. Word from the back says that Neal was also DQ’ed as Dinero slaps away at Devon and Ray. Dinero Express connects on Ray and he gets on the top…flying clothesline only gets a two count. Out of nowhere, Dinero gets 3D for the pin!

Morgan is alone with Team 3D. He steps in and he squares off with them. They try to take him down, but Morgan is keeping up with them. Morgan gets sent to the ropes and he explodes with a double clothesline. He squashes 3D opposite corner and Ray crashes into Devon! Chokeslam attempt…Devon saves with a chop block. Ray has the IWGP tag title belt and they continue to choke away at Morgan. Devon has fingers in the eyes and they go for a double team, bu Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint to eliminate Devon. Ray comes from behind and he takes it to Morgan. Morgan fires away with chops, but Ray rakes the eyes. Clothesline connects and Ray looks for a splash to no avail. Hellavator attempt countered into a DDT by Ray..TWO COUNT ONLY! Ray brings the chair back into play and Ray eats a chair-assisted Carbon Footprint for the three count!

Winner and Sole Survivor: Matt Morgan
Grade: C+

Last Man Standing: Scott Steiner v. Bobby Lashley

Steiner makes Lashley chase after him up at the ramp and he manhandles Lashley before choking him out with a cord. In the ring, Steiner runs into a T-Bone suplex. Lashley unloads with the rights in the cirner before hitting a rushing shoulder into the stomach. Another thrust and he drops Steiner in a backbreaker. Dragon Sleeper is applied and Steiner is down. Looks like this isn’t “Deathmatch rules” where you have to pin before the ten count, as is the norm with TNA Last Man Standing matches. Steiner is up at five and he gets taken out of the ring. Lashley has a chair and he creams Steiner with it near the stage. Steiner comes back with a lead pipe and Lashley is down. Lashley is up at seven and Steiner is ready with the pipe to the back. Lashley is back up at seven again. Lashley gets introduced to the steel ring post before sending Lashley into the steps. Steiner’s left knee seems to be tweaked. Lashley is up at eight. Steiner is waiting for him and he sets Lashley up at the ropes. SPIKE DDT CONNECTS! Lashley has to be out! NO! He’s up at nine. Steiner won’t stay off him and he sends him back to the top. Top Rope overhead suplex connects and Lashley is down for nine. Steiner is on the ropes…Lashley catches him with an overhead suplex! DOMINATOR CONNECTS AND STEINER IS DOWN! Steiner is up at nine and he hits a low blow on Lashley! On the top…FRANKENSTEINER! HOLY GOD! The crowd woke up on that move! Lashley is up at eight and Steiner levels him before getting his pipe. Kristal steals the pipe and tosses it to Bobby. SPEAR CONNECTS! Lashley has the pipe…HEAD SHOT! Steiner is down!

Winner: Bobby Lashley
Grade: C

Tag Team Match: Dr. Stevie & Raven v. Mick Foley & Abyss

Mick Foley makes this match “Foley’s Fun House Rules”, which means Tornado Tag and everything goes! The bell rings and Stevie and Raven take a backseat to them. Foley goes after Raven outside the ring and Abyss has Dr. Stevie in the ring. Foley and Raven head out of the iMPACT Zone! Stevie rushes to the corner and he lands bad. Abyss off the charge and Stevie gets squashed for two. Stevie takes a powder and Abyss is in pursuit. Stevie gets bashed against the platform and Abyss has a table. They fight at the announcer’s position and Abyss beats the holy hell out of him. They climb onto the stage. Oh no…POWERBOMB ATTEMPT, but Raven is back and he breaks a kendo stick over Abyss before pointing the sharp edge against the throat. Raven…BITES THE BURNED LEG OF ABYSS. SICK! Stevie and Raven double team Abyss as they wonder where Foley is. Raven runs up the steps and he takes Abyss down. He bites the leg again and pulls out a gas can. Here comes Foley with a shopping cart of goodies. The Barbwire bat comes to play and Stevie and Raven pay for this. PILEDRIVER CONNECTS ON RAVEN! DOUBLE ARM DDT FOR DR. STEVIE! Abyss puts Stevie on Raven and Abyss drops the hips on both men. Mr. Socko comes out to play and Raven throws powder in Foley’s face! Raven looks for fingers in the nose… Abyss drops Stevie in the Shock Treatment and drops the leg on Raven for two. STEREO MANDIBLE CLAWS! Raven counters to the Raven Effect…TWO COUNT ONLY@ Foley traps Stevie in the coil of barbwire and Foley DROPS THE ELBOW ONTO STEVIE THROUGH THE TABLE! HOLY SH*T! Daffney looks to gets involved, but her chair shot is ineffective. Abyss looks to hit her with the Shock Treatment, but Raven intervenes. BLACK HOLE SLAM CONNECTS AND THAT IS ALL!

Winners: Abyss & Mick Foley
Grade: C+

JB is with Samoa Joe. Joe has the World Title shot and he told us that he was going to win that title shot. He says he can cash in whenever he wants. He says he can wait until Daniels and AJ kill each other or he may cash in on January 4th. Intrigue!

Angle/Wolfe recap video.

Three Degrees of Pain: Kurt Angle v. Desmond Wolfe

It looks like the entire match will be inside the six sides of steel. First fall begins and the rules of this match for the first two falls…usage of the cage as a weapon is illegal. Mat wrestling to start and Wolfe puts a keylock on Angle. Angle gets out and he takes Wolfe down and into a front headlock. Wolfe gets out and puts on an armbar. Single leg takedown connects and Angle gets out of the leg scissors attempt. Uppercut by Wolfe and he takes Angle down to the mat with a headlock. Angle reverses into a hammerlock. Snapmare by Wolfe, but Angle counters into a hammerlock again. Wolfe hits a snapmare again, but Angle keeps on the hammerlock. Random fan shot in the audience then we’re back to the action. Cross chop by Wolfe and he hits an European uppercut. Cover gets one. He tries a few covers…one count each time. Wolfe forces Angle to his back for a two count. Sevel attempts of that and Wolfe drops the knees…to the canvas! Angle attacks in the corner and Wolfe gets a headlock takedown for two. Headlock still cinched in and the fans are duelling each other in chants. Another headlock takedown by Wolfe and he is doing a good job in grounding Angle. Wolfe takes Angle down AGAIN with a headlock takeover and he continues to wrench Angle’s head. If this was Orton v. Cena, the crowd would crap all over this. Off the ropes Wolfe goes…HIPTOSS BY ANGLE! Suplex connects and Angle charges into an elbow. OH GOD! ANGLE POWERBOMBS WOLFE INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! Wolfe snaps Angle’s arm and both men are down. Wolfe pulls Angle up and he sends Angle to the ropes. Angle looks for the sunset flip and Wolfe snaps the arm to the canvas. Headlock again by Wolfe, but Angle gets back into it. Suplex by Angle, but Wolfe quickly gets a hammerlock DDT. Angle comes back with the Germans! One..Two..Three..Four..FIVE! Angle is on top…Wolfe is up and he hits the Tower of London! Angle kicks out at TWO! Wolfe is up and he misses the Lariat and gets rolled up for two! Tower of London attempt, but Angle counters to an Angle Slam for two! Angle goes up top…MISSES THE MOONSAULT! Wolfe comes back and he hits the lariat! TOWER OF LONDER CONNECTS! Cover…PIN!

Fall One Winner: Desmond Wolfe

Wolfe looks for a keylock and he has it cinched in. Angle rolls through and he has Wolfe in the Figure Four! Earl flubs up by trying to count a pinfall. Wolfe reaches the rope barely. He is back up with a headbutt. OMIPLATA APPLIED ON ANGLE! Angle is back up and Wolfe takes him back down and puts a wrist lock back on. Angle goes for an Angle Slam, but Wolfe counters with an armdrag. Armbar takedown and Wolfe reapplies the Omiplata. Angle counters to the Anklelock! Wolfe rolls through and he sandwiches the arm between his legs. Angle rolls through AGAIN and puts Wolfe back in the anklelock! Wolfe counters into the Kimura Lock! Angle breaks the leglock and Wolfe goes around and works the arm again. Angle picks the ankle and applies the anklelock! Wolfe counters into an anklelock of his own! Angle gets out of it and locks on a Triangle Choke that Taz calls some other japanese move name I can’t spell. Wolfe has Angle in the Triangle Choke applied on Angle. Angle rolls through again and reapplies the anklelock and Wolfe fails to counter. Heel hook cinched in and Wolfe TAPS!

Fall Two Winner: Kurt Angle

That random fan was Jason Williams from the Orlando Magic. Angle sends Wolfe into the cage twce and Taz mocks the WWE who is probably in town as well. Angle looks to escape, but Wolfe stops it. Wolfe snaps the arm against the cage and MOTHER OF CHRIST! SUPERPLEX BY WOLFE! Wolfe can’t escape due to his foot hurting and Angle uses the cage to his advantage. Both men are up top and Wolfe knocks Angle off. Angle pops up…MONKEY THROW ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE RING! Angle reverses the whip and he sends Wolfe into the cage! Off the ropes and Angle explodes with a lariat and Desmond Wolfe is BUSTED THE F*CK OPEN! Angle goes up top and he hits a frogsplash…Wolfe puts his leg up and Angle lands on it. Wolfe uses his bad leg and Angle lands on the bad shoulder. Angle pulls Wolfe back in and applies the heel hook! Wolfe is bleeding badly…and he passes out! Angle tries to climb the cage and Wolfe realizes it! He looks to escape through the door, but Angle drops first!

Winner: Kurt Angle (2-1)
Grade: A+

Daniels and Styles are going to have a hard time topping this!

JB is with Mick Foley and he puts Abyss over. He wants to talk about Hogan and he sends a message to him and he wants Hogan to answer some questions.

AJ Styles/Daniels video.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship: Daniels v. AJ Styles

The match is underway and both men stare each other down. Lockup and they go around the ring. Styles has Daniels in the corner and Daniels explodes with a slap! Styles has Daniels opposite corner and Daniels begs off. Daniels wrings the arm of Styles and he has the champion on the mat. AJ drops to the canvas and he locks the arm and Styles is reeling in the early going. Headscissors by Styles applied… Daniels gets out of it and locks on a keylock. Outer leg sweep by Styles and he applies a crossface, but Daniels is back up and he sends Styles to the ropes. Styles explodes with a lariat, but Daniels clips the legs on another rope rup and he gets a hammerlock applied. Daniels sends Styles to the ropes and they go around…Daniels misses the dropkick and Styles isn’t impressed. Styles springboards into the ring and he takes Daniels out with a dropkick to show him how to do it. They fight in the corner and Styles kicks Daniels following a snapmare. Styles talks trash at Daniels, bu Daniels sweeps the leg and Styles rebounds by headscissoring Daniels across the ring. Snap Suplex by AJ connects and Daniels takes a powder outside. Flip Senton by Styles connects and the fight spills to the outside. Back inside and Styles slingshots in. DISCUS CLOTHESLINE CONNECTS ON DANIELS! Hip toss attempt by Styles is blocked by Daniels monkeyflipping Styles into the turnbuckle. Clothesline sends Styles hard outside the ring. Daniels sets some chairs up and he sets Styles in one. Slick Johnson takes one chair away and Daniels hits a rock bottom onto the steel chair. Back inside the ring and Daniels gets a two count. Side slam connects and Daniels only gets two. Daniels focuses on the back and he sends Styles to the ropes. Styles counters a side slam to a headscissors. Daniels sends Styles to the corner and he looks for a super back drop…OH GOD DANIELS DROPS STYLES ON THE TURNBUCKLE! Daniels only gets a two count for that. Styles makes Daniels take a gut check, but Daniels hits the knees to the back before hitting a scoop slam. Split Leg moonsault connects on the back and Daniels applies a crossface. Scoop slam on AJ and Daniels looks for a springboard..but misses. HAMMERLOCK SUPLEX BY STYLES AND BOTH MEN ARE DOWN! Daniels finds himself on the receiving end of hits, jabs, and kicks. Daniels elevates Styles on the apron and knocks him down outside. Daniels goes out and POWERBOMB ON THE MAT! Styles sends Daniels’ shoulder into the ring post and the fight goes back in the ring. Daniels begs off, but AJ isn’t buying it. Styles picks Daniels up…DVD ON THE KNEE! Styles reverses and he hits a reverse springboard DDT for a two count. Daniels is back up and he blocks a whip. AJ goes for a discus clothesline, but Daniels hangs AJ out to dry on the ropes. Middle rope suples by Daniels…TWO COUNT ONLY! Styles gets thrusted in the corner and Daniels uppercuts him on top. Another uppercut and Daniels takes Styles down with a Frankensteiner! Shining Wizard connects for a two count. AJ blocks a suplex attempt…BRAINBUSTER BY AJ STYLES! HOLY HELL! Styles springboards in and connects with Daniels…almost three as Daniels has the foot on the ropes! Styles Clash attempt, blocked…but the Pele doesn’t! Styles Clash again, but Daniels grabs the ropes! ENZUGIRI CONNECTS! Daniels uses the the referee as a shield. He gouges the eyes…BME CONNECTS! HOLY HELL STYLES KICKS OUT! Daniels picks Styles up…catapult connects…Styles connects with the Clash, but Daniels kicks out! Awesome match! Daniels crotches Styles in the ropes. Frankensteiner attempt blocked…TOP ROPE STYLES CLASH CONNECTS! STYLES RETAINS!

Winner: AJ Styles
Grade: A

Styles celebrates as we are done.

Show Over.

Quick Results
AJ Styles d. Daniels: A
Kurt Angle d. Desmond Wolfe 2-1: A+
Abyss & Mick Foley d. Dr. Stevie & Raven: C+
Bobby Lashley d. Scott Steiner: C
Matt Morgan, Hernandez, D’Angelo Dinero, & Suicide d. Team 3D, Jesse Neal, & Rhino: C+
Feast or Fired: Kevin Nash: Tag Team Title shot; Samoa Joe: World Title shot; Big Rob Terry: X Division Title Shot; Sheik Abdul Bashir: FIRED!
Tara d. ODB (New Champion): D+
The British Invasion d. The Motor City Machine Guns: B+

The Final Grade for TNA Final Resolution: B

The Final Pulse

Two more MOTYC’s come from Final Resolution as Angle and Wolfe as well as Daniels and Styles put on epic battles tonight. The undercard did their job as well, except for Tara and ODB, which was lacking…though I blame TNA for putting that match too early on the card. Cody Deaner has a job still and all is right in TNA. Positive recommendation from me to definitely watch this show for the two co-main events and the opening match. Enjoy your night!
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We’re taped from Joint Base in Balad, Iraq. We have Chris Jericho taking on John Cena for the WWE Championship (it is noted that this was taped before Cena lost the title). Eve Torres is your ring announcer. Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler are calling the action from WWE Headquarters.

Tag Team Match: Rey Mysterio & Mark Henry v. Carlito & CM Punk

CM Punk and Rey Mysterio start the match and CM Punk does what he does best. Greco Roman wrist lock to start and Mysterio is taken to the canvas. Non chalant cover gets one for Punk. Mysterio uses momentum to roll Punk up for two. Punk gets set up for an early 619 attempt, but once Rey commits, Punk takes him down. Off the ropes and Rey dives under Punk and tags in Mark Henry. Punk gets taken to school as Henry military presses him on the mat. Tag back to Rey and he gets atop Henry. Splash connects and Carlito breaks the fall. Carlito eats a big boot from Mark Henry and both Punk and Carlito gets the 619. World’s Strongest Slam on Carlito and West Coast Pop on Punk seal the deal in a dual pin.

Winners: Rey Mysterio & Mark Henry

The Miz v. John Morrison is also scheduled for tonight.

We get some highlights of the troops with the WWE Superstars.

Commercials.

Eve Torres brings out Santa Claus, who just happens to be R-Truth. WHAT’S UP? Santa raps his way to the ring and talks about gaining weight. He brings out the WWE Divas to hand out Christmas gifts. R-Truth sings Jingle Bells and the divas pass out the gifts. This segues into a general holiday message from Barack Obama.

Commercials.

We’re back and we have the superstars talk about the experience in Iraq.

Commercials.

We’re back and we get another video showcasing the rebuilding of Iraq.

Non-Title Match: The Miz v. John Morrison

The match begins and the Miz opens up on John Morrison. Knee to the back on Morrison, but Morrison rebounds with a dropkick and a standing moonsault for two. Pillar to post we go and Morrison evades the Miz, but the Miz rebounds and he sends Morrison off the top rope and onto the floor. Back inside, the Miz covers for a two count. Morrison props himself up in the corner and Miz hits him with the corner clothesline. To the top and the Miz gets crotched. Morrison up top…Miz fights, but Morrison connects with the superplex. Morrison covers for a two count. The end is near for the Miz as Morrison goes for Starship Pain…Miz moves and he rolls Morrision up, using the ropes, for the win.

Winner: The Miz

Video of John Cena supporting the troops.

Commercials.

WWE Championship Match: Chris Jericho v. John Cena

It’s strange that Jericho didn’t come out with the Unified Tag Team Titles. John Cena comes out with the WWE Title, thus rendering the spoilers I read irrelevant. To be fair, though…both sets of spoilers missed some detail, as the other one didn’t specify that this would be a title match.

The match begins and Jericho beats Cena to the punch. Jericho has Cena in the corner and the referee enforces a break. Cena reverses and he hits Jericho with a Fisherman’s suplex for two. Jericho comes back, taking Cena of guard. Kick to the face follows and that gets a two count. Jericho headbutts Cena and he takes him down near the ring apron. Jericho springboards into a dropkick, sending Cena out of the ring and we take a commercial break.

Wrestlemania 26 is coming to Phoenix!

We’re back with another video of the troops.

Back to the action as Jericho attempts the Walls of Jericho. He has it locked in. Cena counters out of it and into the STF, but Jericho reaches towards the ropes. The break is utilized and both men get back up. Jericho pulls Cena on the 2nd rope, but Cena looks for a super Attitude Adjustment. Cena goes down and Jericho hits a crossbody, but Cena rolls through and picks Jericho up for the Attitude Adjustment for the win!

Winner: John Cena

We recap the WWE Superstars on their journey to Iraq.

Show Over.

Quick Results
Rey Mysterio & Mark Henry d. CM Punk & Carlito
The Miz d. John Morrison
John Cena d. Chris Jericho

See you tomorrow night for real-time coverage of TNA Final Resolution!
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BURN IT TO THE GROUND!

We have Undertaker v. Randy Orton and John Cena v. CM Punk as matches to determine the WWE Superstar of the Year!

AND….IT’S MILLER TIME!

Dennis Miller talks about the setup and he bores everyone with what we don’t need to know and he compares WWE to politicans, complete with pictures. OK, he’s conservative. He’s also supporting Linda McMahon for Senate, but we’re not supposed to know about it. He heels up by making an Obama joke. We’re seven minutes in…. Oh thank God we’re getting somewhere.

R-Truth and Jillian Hall are here to introduce the first Slammy Award. R-Truth disses Jillian by changing his lyrics to What’s Up to Shut Up.

Best Tag Team of the Year
Nominees: DX, Legacy, Hart Dynasty, JeriShow

And your Tag Team of the Year….JeriShow!

Jericho asks if we expected anyone else. Good to see that he wasn’t seriously hurt last night. Jericho thanks Edge for getting hurt and he thanks himself for choosing Big Show. Big Show says that despite what happened last night and they will retain…no regain their tag titles in the near future. Jericho invokes the rematch clause for tonight.

We have Striker, Cole, and Lawler in the booth tonight once again! We recap what happened last night with the WWE Title match.

Commercials.

Vote for the Diva of the Year at WWE.com.

The Roundtable is in the ring. Regal is pleased to announce that Koslov and Jackson are on the same page, so he wants Christian and two partners of his choosing. Christian found his help.

William Regal, Ezekiel Jackson, & Vladimir Koslov v. Christian, Kane, & The Great Khali

And we’re supposed to forget that Kane kidnapped Khali’s brother. The bell sounds and Khali manhandles Kozlov. Headbutts are ineffective, but Khali’s boot is very effective. Tag to Jackson and Christian gets the tag and a two count. Christian attacks Regal and Jackson takes advantage, Tag to Regal and he scores with the knee strikes. Christian holds his own, but last night catches up to him. Tag to Kane and he hits a side slam on Regal. To the top and he hits the flying clothesline. Cover gets broken up. Jackson gets tagged and he levels Kane. Tag to Koslov and Kane eats him for lunch. Tag to Khali and he hits the tomahawk chop of doom for the win!

Winner: Khali, Kane, & Christian
Grade: C

Dennis Miller is back and he congratulates the winners. He makes another joke and we go to the Breakout Star of the Year Slammy. Tiffany and T-Lo are here to present the award.

Breakout Star of the Year
Nominees: Drew McIntyre, Sheamus, Yoshi Tatsu, Abraham Washington

And your 2009 Breakout Star of the Year…..SHEAMUS!

So he thinks the people take him seriously. He mocks Cena a bit and goes on to mock the Hall of Famers. That’s about it.

Commercials.

We are back to our special edition of RAW! Matt Striker rules, I don’t care who disagrees. Our nominees for Superstar of the Year are CM Punk, Undertaker, Randy Orton, and John Cena.

Cody Rhodes v. Kofi Kingston

Kofi’s left shoulder is taped up. Lock up to start and Kofi evades a corner struggle. Kofi hits a shoulderblock, using the injured shoulder, but he quickly rebounds with a dropkick, followed by the elbow. Boom Drop connects and DiBiase is here to quickly cause the DQ. Evan Bourne saves Kofi and Dennis Miller gives himself a Slammy for changing this match into a tag team match. DOUBLE ELBOW SUICIDA CONNECTS!

Commercials.

Legacy v. Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne

We’re back and Legacy is in control, taking out Kofi’s shoulder. Knee strikes connect from Ted and he tags in Cody.. Tag back to Ted and they continue to abuse the shoulder. Two count follows and Ted brings Cody back into the action. They double team Kofi, but eventually he is able to tag Bourne in. Cody gets taken to school! Cover attempt gets Evan a two count. Everyone gets taken out, but Bourne takes it to Rhodes. CrossRhodes out of nowhere! Legacy wins.

Winners: Legacy
Grade: D (F for part 1 C for part 2, average them out)

DX v. JeriShow TONIGHT!

Commercials.

We’re back and we have more MILLER! He brings up an Octomon reference before bringing out Santino Marella and Vickie Guerrero. HAHA! EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! They are here for the OMG Moment of the Year. Santino saves the moment.

2009 Shocker of the Year
Nominees: Randy Orton DDTs Stephanie; Batista turns on Rey Mysterio; CM Punk sends Jeff Hardy home; Sheamus puts Mark Cuban through a table.

And your 2009 Shocker of the Year….CM Punk sends Jeff Hardy home!

Commercials.

CM Punk is in the ring to gloat about the Slammy. Be thanks himself and he goes on with his straightedge talk. The truth does hurt. He will go on and become the 2009 Superstar of the Year.

CM Punk v. John Cena
Superstar of the Year Tournament

The bell rings and they immediately lock up. Punk sends Cena to the ropes and he eats a shoulderblock. Punk returns the favor and gets a one count. Cena to the corner and Punk scores with the corner bulldog. Two count only. Rear naked choke is applied. Cena gets up and fights out of it. GTS attempt…countered at the last second to the STF! Punk gets dragged to the center of the ropes and Punk taps? The Hell?

Winner: John Cena
Grade: FTS

Who’s bowl of cereal did Punk piss in to warrant a two minute squash?

John Cena has the mic and he congratulates Sheamus for being the new WWE Champion. He apologizes to anyone that he let down last night. He has suffered a setback, but he won’t give up. He will overcome the odds. Some people lost faith in him and he respects that. He wants the Cena army to step up one more time. What happened last night will never happen again and his road to Wrestlemania starts NOW! He can’t be stopped. He makes a pledge to never lose a match until he becomes WWE Champion!

Commercials.

We’re back and Dennis Miller is here to present the 2009 Match of the Year. “The Ace of Spades” “The King of Kings” “The Show” according to Miller…Triple H gets to do the honors.

2009 Match of the Year
Nominees: Undertaker v. Shawn Michaels; John Cena v. Randy Orton (I Quit Match); Jeff Hardy v. Edge; Team RAW v. Team SmackDown (Bragging Rights)

The 2009 Match of the Year….Shawn Michaels v. The Undertaker!

Triple H pimps the Wrestlemania 25 DVD and he talks about having to follow that match. Shawn talks about coming up short and he takes control of the Slammy. He makes a pledge that he can beat Undertaker and he knows it. He wants the match…at WRESTLEMANIA 26!

Commercials.

The Undertaker v. Randy Orton
Superstar of the Year Tournament

The bell sounds and Taker is caught in a headlock. Taker takes offense and immediately goes Old School. Orton counters with a hiptoss and he goes for the Galvin Stomp. He tees off on Taker in the corner, but Taker fights back. Pillar to post we go and Taker hits Snake Eyes! Big Boot follows as does the leg drop for a two count. Taker looks for the Chokeslam…Orton gets out of it. Orton clotheslines Taker out, but he lands on his feet. TAKER SWEEPS THE LEGS! Back inside, Taker drops the leg on the apron and Legacy makes their appearance. Distraction noted as Orton gets the RKO on the outside! Orton is in just in time! Lame…

Winner: Randy Orton
Grade: D-

Legacy attacks Taker post-match. Taker fights back and he takes care of Legacy and Orton by himself.

Commercials.

Back for some more Miller fun. Guest Host of the Year honors is next. Vince McMahon is here to do the honors and he gave Dennis Miller some comedy tips.

2009 Guest Host of the Year
Nominees: Bob Barker, Seth Green, SHAQ, and The Osbournes

And your Guest Host of the Year……..BOB BARKER

We get a cameo for Bob Barker, HAHA!

Vince asks Dennis Miller who he would pick for a future RAW Guest Host. Dennis Miller wants Bret Hart. Vince says that Bret wouldn’t be interested. Dennis pushes the issue and Vince walks away in disgust.

Commercials.

Dennis Miller is on the phone and in comes Chris Jericho. Chris kisses up to Dennis a bit and Dennis tells it like it is. He calls Chris an energy black hole. Miller compares Jericho to Kayne West showing up at a Taylor Swift fanclub. HAHA, by far the best segment of the night involving Miller.

WWE Unified Tag Team Titles: DX v. JeriShow

Jericho and Hunter start things off in our tag team match. Shawn gets on all fours behind the referee and Trips shoves him for the blatant DQ.

Winners: JeriShow (Still Champions: DX)
Grade: NR

Shawn complains to Hunter for the loss, but they are still the champions. Hunter costs the match, but he cost JeriShow their rematch. HAHA! There is a DX army that wants to eliminate Chris Jericho from RAW for good. Jericho complains and he eats Sweet Chin Music. He rolls out of the ring and is in front of the honorary DX army. Jericho is gone…and if we’re not down with that, then you know what to do.

Backstage, Jericho gets thrown out of the building.

Commercials.

Carlito, Chris Masters, Chris Masters’ boobs, and Eve Torres are here for the Most Extreme Moment of the Year. Chris Masters’ boobs distract Carlito so he asks Eve if she can do that too, but he’ll never find out.

2009 Extreme Moment of the Year
Nominees: Kofi Kingston drops the Boom on Randy Orton; Big Show puts Cena through a spotlight; Jeff Hardy takes out CM Punk with a big ladder; Triple H invades Randy Orton’s ladder

Your 2009 Extreme Moment of the Year….Jeff Hardy takes out CM Punk with a big ladder!

Matt Hardy accepts the award for Jeff and he thanks the fans for Jeff. Carlito complains and he decks him with an apple. Carlito thanks himself and he gets locked in the Masterlock! Hardy is back up and he knocks Carlito for a loop. HA!

Commercials.

We’re back and we preview The Marine:2.

The Miz makes his way to the ring for a six man tag.

The Miz, Zack Ryder, & Drew McIntyre v. John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu, & Mark Henry

The bell rings and Henry gets caught up with the heel corner. Miz tries to overpower him, but is unsuccessful. Military press lands and Morrison tags in, He takes the Miz down and he hits a standing moonsault for two. Miz hits Morrison with a closed fist and tags in McIntyre. Morrison goes to town on McIntyre and McIntyre tags in Zack Ryder. He wants Tatsu and he gets Tatsu. Lockup to begin and Tatsu gives Zack something to Woo about…a loss.

Winners: Morrison, Tatsu, & Henry
Grade: FTS

The divas are up next.

Commercials.

Seven on Seven Divas Tag: Team Mickie James v. Team Michelle McCool

This is a clusterf*ck waiting to happen with the divas wrestling in high heels. Rosa starts things off with Mickie James and she goes to town. Slaps ensue and Mickie takes offense to this. Mickiecurana connects and she hits the DDT. Cover and that’s it.

Winners: Team Mickie James
Grade: F…T…S

Goldust and MVP make their way to the stage to announce the 2009 Diva of the Year. Goldust wants the Slammy to himself. The nominees are every WWE Diva. Goldust makes a PMS joke and he excuses himself.

Your 2009 Diva of the Year…Maria

Maria goes up to accept the award. Batista comes to give us our Kayne West moment. He rocks the pink shirt and the cops go to take him off the stage. IT’S ABOUT ME! No, it’s not.

Commercials.

Thanks for the warning about the upcoming train wreck, Dennis Miller. We have Abraham Washington, Tony Atlas, and Big Dick Johnson. To quote the esteemed Charlie Reneke, “The only way Miller could bomb worse is if he strapped a suicide vest to his chest and detonated on-air”. Isn’t that the truth.

The “Oh My!” Moment of the Year
Nominees: Chris Master’s boobs; Shawn Michaels kicks a little girl; Michael Cole throws up on Chris Jericho, Santino Marella gets pied in the face. and Vickie Guerrero gets caked on. Get it? CAKED ON!

The “Oh My” Moment of the Year…Michael Cole puking.

It’s the era of Vintage and Oh My. January 4th can’t come soon enough.

Dennis Miller has to get going because he is going to take his eye socket out with a power drill.

Cena v. Orton…NEXT. Please give us a decent match…PLEASE!

Commercials.

DX is here to spread some holiday cheer. We even have the official DX SNUGGIE! We can’t have a DX segment without Hornswoggle and he gives them WWEShop.com gift cards. The Midget raping ensues. Instead, Trips beats up on Shawn. Trips promptly runs away.

Johnny Damon is in charge and some secret Santas are going to be on hand.

Commercials.

To Determine the 2009 Superstar of the Year: Randy Orton v. John Cena

It’s 10PM EST and your main event is about to begin. The bell rings and Cena goes balls on Orton! Pillar to post we go and Cena hits a fisherman suplex for two. Cena tees off on Orton and he hits a scoop slam. Elbow drop gets another two count. Pillar to post we go again…Orton evades the bulldog and Cena goes out of the ring. The fight spills to the outside and Orton sends Cena into the steel ring post. Back in the ring and we get a two count for Orton. Orton busts out the Galvin stomp. Orton tees off on Cena and Cena is reeling in the corner. Cena floats over and he hits the Throwback! To the top and he drops the leg…cover gets two! Orton reverses a whip into the 3.0 Backbreaker! Cover and TWO COUNT! Orton goes back to work on Cena, but Cena schoolboys Orton for two. Orton hits a lariat and gets another two count. Galvin stomp by Orton as the pace is different tonight. Orton misses the knee drop and Cena hits the shoulderblocks…Protobomb…Five Knuckle Shuffle. Attitude Adjustment attempt…countered, RKO countered…Drop toe hold into the STF…countered…Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton gets the ropes! Orton comes back…SPIKE DDT TO THE FLOOR! Both men are down. Cena sandbags as Orton brings him back in the ring. Cover…TWO COUNT ONLY! Orton looks at Cena and he sets up for the punt. He charges…MISSES! Attitude Adjustment connects! Cena wins.

Winner and the 2009 Superstar of the Year: John Cena
Grade: B

Sheamus comes out on the stage to stare down at Cena…

Show Over.

The Final Grade for WWE RAW: F

The Final Pulse

The main event was decent, but it doesn’t help the show. Dennis Miller made too many jokes…some at which I laughed…some at which I shook my head. The show sucked for the most part and in my mind…the worst RAW of 2009. It’s a shame since I actually had decent hopes on Dennis Miller. You can’t win them all. I know many of you might disagree and that is your right. See you in seven.
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We’re LIVE from San Antonio, Texas and the ECW Title is opening tonight’s show!

ECW Championship Ladder Match: Christian v. Shelton Benjamin

Lockup to start and Benjamin has Christian in the corner. We get a clean break followed by another lockup. Christian leapfrogs Benjamin and catches him with a dropkick. He assumes control until Shelton catches him off guard. Shelton tries to leave the ring, but Christian stops him. It’s noted that we have Striker, Cole, and Lawler tonight. The fight goes out of the ring and Christian assumes control. He goes to get a ladder, but Shelton cuts him off from the past. Christian gets sent to the retaining wall and Shelton has a ladder. Christian springboards from the top rope to the floor, taking Shelton down. Christian has the ladder in place and he climbs, only to be stopped by Shelton. Monkeyflip attempt and Shelton almost scales the ladder in record time. Christian tosses him out of the ring and he picks the ladder up. Shelton SWEEPS THE LEG AND THE LADDER FALLS HARD ON CHRISTIAN! He’s busted open and the referee puts on his gloves and we have a trainer on hand and the match is effectively stopped for the clean up. BOO! Some law in Texas, according to Striker. Shelton climbs the ladder on the outside and Christian stops him. We get another ladder sequence and Shelton dives from the ladder and onto Christian!

They continue to battle on the outside and Shelton looks to dismantle the announce table. He sets up one of the taller ladders against the ring and table. Christian sends Benjamin to the ladder, but he ducks under. Catapult attempt and Shelton gets sent into another ladder! Christian sets the hardware up, but he focus on Shelton. Reverse whip sends Christian into the ladder. He gets sandwiched against the ladder…Shelton is thinking Stinger Splash, but he eats a ladder to the face! Christian sets the ladder up…he has the title, but Shelton stops it. Spin kick by Benjamin! He sets the ladder up and we almost get a botch. Christian eats a ladder and Shelton sets another up. Shelton climbs, but Christian hits the Killswitch from the middle of the ladder height! Looks like he didn’t get all of that move. Christian tries to climb, but Shelton climbs on the turnbuckle. We get some nice moves with the ladder and Shelton balances the ladder to fall on Christian! Shelton positions the ladder and he climbs up. Christian back in the ring and he climbs over Shelton! Shelton has Christian in the DVD position and they crashed on the canvas! Christian knocks the ladder down and he picks another up. STINGER SPLASH BY BENJAMIN! Shelton sets the ladder up and Christian moves the ladder! Benjamin hangs in the balance! Both men get on the ladder and Christian takes Shelton down. He holds on the title and Shelton catches him….TURNBUCKLE POWERBOMB INTO THE LADDER! MOTHER OF CHRIST! Both men shake the cobwebs off and they fight again for the title! SUNSET FLIP ATTEMPT, BUT CHRISTIAN COUNTERS TO A HEADSCISSORS! They teeter on the apron and the ladder set up out of the ring. Spin kick sends Shelton on the ladder in a bad way. HOLY CHRIST! CHRISTIAN HITS THE FROG SPLASH AND THE LADDER SPLITS IN TWO! Christian crawls in the ring and he moves up the ladder and he captures it! Awesome opener.

Winner: Christian
Grade: B+

WWE Intercontinental Championship: Drew McIntyre v. John Morrison

The bell rings and Drew begins things off strong, sending the champion into the corner. Morrison works a wrist lock, but Drew takes him off and covers for one. To the ropes we go and Morrison slides underneath and comes back with an armdrag. Drew sends Morrison into the corner, but Morrison springboards off and lands a headscissors. Kick to the head and that gets two. We go out of the ring and Drew sends Morrison into the steel ring post. The referee begins the count and we go back inside the ring. Cover gets two for McIntyre. He tees off Morrison in the corner and the referee breaks it up. Chop to the chest and McIntyre continues the control. Cover gets two. Morrison fights up and he connects with an elbow. We go back to the corner and McIntyre hits a suplex into a pin for a two count. Morrison fights back again, but McIntyre comes back with a big boot. Clubbing blows to the chest follows a pin attempt for two on two occasions. McIntyre works a keylock variant on the side guard on Morrison. Morrison gets out of it and we go to the ropes…TORNADO DDT FROM MORRISON! They fight back to their feet and Morrison is on fire! Morrison covers and gets two. Morrison off the top and he connects with a missile dropkick…TWO COUNT ONLY! Morrison gets into the corner and McIntyre hits a face first slingshot…inverted Alabama Jam according to Striker…TWO COUNT! McIntyre picks Morrison up, but gets dropkicked out of the ring! Back outside we go and McIntyre runs into a drop toe hold into the barricade. Springboard heel kick connects and both men return to the ring. McIntyre rushes and he eats steel ring post. Starship Pain connects, but McIntyre’s foot gets under the rope! Morrison stomps away, but McIntyre pokes him in the eye. SCOTDROP, DOUBLE UNDERHOOK DDT CONNECTS! NEW CHAMPION!

Winner: Drew McIntyre
Grade: B

Vince McMahon commends Drew McIntyre on winning the title. Josh Matthews interviews McIntyre and he claims that it was nothing but inevitable. Sheamus comes in and he calls his win impressive. Sheamus vows to leave with gold tonight.

WWE Women’s Championship: Mickie James v. Michelle McCool (w/Layla)

Michelle is ripping off the AJ Styles attire once attire and we recap the stupid piggy jokes that had no business in the WWE. The bell rings and McCool takes a powder. We finally get a lockup and Mickie is all over McCool! The fight spills outside the ring before they stare each other down back inside the ring. Intriguing moment. Mickie bridges into a cover for two.. Another bridge attempt gets two. McCool hangs Mickie out to dry in the corner and the referee checks up on Mickie. McCool continues the control and she drives the knee into the back for a one count. Headlock applied and McCool mops the canvas with Mickie before getting the headlock reapplied. McCool kicks Mickie’s chest and she continues the pressure. Kick to the back and we get the Piggy James jokes. Mickie comes back…but eats a backbreaker for a two count. Schoolgirl gets two for Mickie and McCool tosses Mickie out, missing the ring post. McCool hurls James into the wall and she gets back in the ring. McCool looks to end Mickie, but she misses and Mickie goes to town. Layla tries to interfere, but fails. Back in the ring, Mickie comes back at McCool with the rights. McCool misses a forearm, but Mickie continues the onslaught. On the top rope, Layla interferes and she eats a kick from McCool. Schoolgirl on McCool gets two. Kick to the face by McCool…pinfall.

Winner: Michelle McCool
Grade: D+

Video highlighting Cena/Sheamus.

WWE Championship Tables Match: Sheamus v. John Cena

IT IS ON! Cena is on fire early going, sending Sheamus into the corner. Bulldog connects and Sheamus goes to the ring post. Sheamus catches Cena off guard and he hits a lariat that sends him down. Vertical Suplex connects and Sheamus is in control. He drops the knee and he leaves the ring for a table. Cena is ready for him and he introduces him to the announce table. MC says that Sheamus disrespected Cena for MONTHS. Can we replace him, please? Cena gets sent into the ring post and is Sheamus bleeding by the underarm? Cena sends Sheamus into the steps and Cena has to be hurt. Cena pulls a table out from under the ring. The table is set up and he places Sheamus on the table. He goes on top and he rolls out of the way early. Back in the ring, Sheamus drops the knees to the spine. POWERSLAM to Cena and Sheamus has Cena teetering on the apron. Cena thrusts his head into the rib section and Cena looks for the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus gets off of it and he posts Cena. Sheamus thrusts Cena’s body against the ring apron. Cena’s head gets busted off the steel steps and CENA IS OUT OF IT! He tries a comeback and he bounces Sheamus’ head on the steps. Attitude Adjustment attempt out of the ring, but Cena can’t do it. Sheamus looks for a powerbomb, but Cena floats through and they fight up the ramp. SHEAMUS EATS STEEL! Cena goes after the table and he has some difficulty picking it up. He looks to swing the table on Sheamus’ body, but he moves out of the way. The fight goes into the crowd with Cena getting the upperhand. Cena clotheslines Sheamus back ringside and we go back inside the ring. Cena picks up another table and he sets it up on the outside. Cena back inside…IRISH CURSE KICK (tm Michael Cole) connects. Sheamus looks for the hardware himself and he brings it inside the ring. He sets the table in the corner and he looks for the spinebuster. Cena counters, but Sheaumus gets out of it. Cena with the Throwback! Five Knuckle Shuffle connects and Sheamus knocks the table out of the ring, but eats an Attitude Adjustment anyway. Cena leaves the ring and he brings a table inside the ring. He sets it up and he goes after Sheamus. He sets him up on the turnbuckle. Super Attitude Adjustment? Sheamus gets out of it but isn’t able to capitalize. Superplex attempt…SHEAMUS KNOCKS CENA OFF AND HE GOES THROUGH THE TABLE!

Winner: Sheamus
Grade: B

Called it.

Video promo for Batista/Undertaker.

World Heavyweight Championship Chairs Match: Batista v. The Undertaker

The bell rings and Batista goes for the chairs. Taker beats Batista to the punch however. Back in the ring Taker is in control. We go pillar to post and Batista explodes with a clothesline. Back outside we go and Batista gets introduced into the steel steps. The rules are that chairs are legal, but standard match structure still apply. The ref is up to five and Taker sends Batista up and over the barricade. Taker tosses chairs in the ring and he pops a hamstring in the barricade. Batista wails the chair on Taker. Matt Striker says the referee is using championship discretion in not counting the combatants out. Batista slams the chair against the ring post and the fight goes back to the ring. Taker connects with the leg drop on the apron and he returns to the ring. Cover gets two. Time to go Old School, but Batista counters. Batista superplexes Taker and he covers for two. Batista Bomb attempt and Taker backdrops out of it, with Batista landing on the chair. They fight back and forth and Taker is in control. Spinebuster by Batista…TWO COUNT ONLY! Batista sets a chair up in the corner and he tees off on Taker. To the ropes we go and the Undertaker explodes with a lariat and the time is now! We’re going Old School for real time and Batista gets sent to the corner. Snake Eyes connects…but Batista hits a spear from out of nowhere for two! Batista sets the chair up and he spinebusters Taker on it and he signals for the Batista Bomb. HELL’S GATE! Taker has it locked in! Batista barely reaches the ropes and he rolls out of the ring, Taker goes after Batista and he eats a chair to the throat! Taker gets in the corner and Batista looks for the spear…TO THE CHAIR! Taker explodes with a lariat and he scores a two count. GOOZLE! Batista gets chokeslammed…TWO COUNT ONLY! Taker signals for the end, but Batista gets out of it and he sends Taker to the referee. LOW BLOW BY BATISTA! Chair off the skull and that is all!

Winner: Batista
Grade: C+

BUT WAIT! Teddy Long comes out on the stage and he informs Batista of the rules. The low blow is illegal, though and he uses his powers to RESTART THE MATCH!

Batista comes back and he eats a boot to the face. Taker hits Batista with the chair and hits the Tombstone for the three.

Winner: The Undertaker
Grade: D+ (The restart ruined the match)

Kofi Kingston/Randy Orton video promo.

Kofi is training and Legacy wants to pass a message, but Kofi isn’t buying it. Ted and Cody says that Kofi is deeply terrified. Kofi blows them off and he goes straight to Randy to tell him what he thinks of him. He walks away unscathed and Orton is just looking on.

Grudge Match: Randy Orton v. Kofi Kingston

The bell rings and Orton locks up with Kingston. Snapmare takeover and Orton holds onto the chinlock. Kingston works the arm, but Orton reverses and we get a stalemate in the early going. Another lockup and Orton takes it to Kofi in the corner. Kingston tries to fight back and we go pillar to post. Orton eats a boot, but Kofi eats a snap powerslam for two. Chinlock applied again. Kingston gets out of it and he beats Orton in the corner. Kofi Splash in the corner and he counters a sunset flip into a rollup for two. Kingston goes for the Boom Drop, but Orton slides out of the ring. Baseball slide misses and Kingston springboards on the top and HE EATS A VICIOUS DROPKICK BY ORTON! Orton dropss Kingston like a bad habit on the retaining wall. Back inside and Orton covers for two. Galvin Stomp ensues for Orton. Kingston tries a comeback, but Orton stops him cold. Orton hangs Kingston out to dry and that’s followed by a knee drop for a two count. Orton tees off on Kingston before hitting an uppercut to send Kofi down. Kofi gets up…SOS CONNECTS! Cover gets a two count for Kofi. Kofi clotheslines Orton out of the ring and he is going for it…ELBOW SUICIDA CONNECTS! Kofi sends Orton in the ring and he hits a crossbody…TWO COUNT ONLY! Double sledge by Kofi and he is in control. Kofi springboards off the turnbuckle and connects with a clothesline…for a two count. Orton resumes control with the 3.0 backbreaker. Orton looks for the RKO, but Kofi hits a dropkick! Boom Drop connects and Kofi is looking for it. Trouble in Paradise CONNECTS! Cover…ORTON GRABS THE ROPES! He rolls out of the ring. Orton sandbags on the outside, giving Kofi trouble getting him back in the ring. Kingston tries to get in the ring…SPIKE DDT! Orton looks for the punt…Kofi gets the arm in the way! Orton sees this and he hits a one-arm DDT! He sets up…Trouble in Paradise MISSES! Orton hits the RKO! Call it!

Winner: Randy Orton
Grade: B

Batista is pissed off and he wants Teddy Long to make it right. He makes a threat to Teddy who cowers in fear.

WWE Unified Tag Team Titles TLC Match: DX v. JeriShow

Staredown to start and Big Show piefaces Trips. Balls to the wall now and Big Show hurls Trips against the retaining wall. Big Show charges and he takes himself out while in the ring, Jericho takes it to Shawn. Trips pulls a table out and he sets it up against the corner. Big Show is back and they go at it on the ramp. In the ring, Shawn kicks Jericho out of the ring and they go at it. Jericho sends Shawn’s head to the steel post and he tries to suplex Jericho through a table, but to no avail. Back in the ring Shawn and Chris go and they go to the ropes. Forearm connects and Shawn kips up. Walls attmept, but Shawn powers out. Atomic Drop connects, as does the scoop slam. Elbow drop lands on the knees and Shawn rolls out of the ring. Jericho is soon to follow and he goes for a ladder. Trips sends Big Show into the set and Jericho comes up to save him. Pedigree attempt is countered to a backdrop on the ramp. Shawn disappears into the back as they set up. CHAIR DUAL! Shawn makes JeriShow eat steel, but Big Show drops Shawn like a bad habit. He slowly walks down the ramp with Jericho in tow. They try to bring the ladder into play, but DX stops things. Jericho is alone in the ring and he eats a ladder to the chest. Jericho gets posted in the corner and DX suplexes a ladder on Jericho! They follow up with a head shot to Big Show. The ladder gets set up and Big Show no-sells the ladder shot and he dismantles DX. Jericho drops Shawn’s head on a ladder and he baseball slides Shawn between the ladder and the ring post.

Big Show sets the ladder up in the corner and Shawn gets taken care of. Show bodyslams Trips against the ladder and he locks the quad into the ladder. Shawn gets thrown into Hunter and Show squashes Trips against the ladder. Jericho whips Trips, but Trips counters and Jericho gets sent outside. Show takes himself out and Trips hits a knee jab. He has the ladder and he CREAMS SHOW WITH IT! He then dumps the ladder on Jericho. Chokeslam attempt is countered to a DDT! Michaels drops the elbow on Show and he calls up the band. Sweet Chin Music attempt is countered into the Codebreaker by Jericho! Trips hits the spinebuster! Show hits a huge spear and he is the only one able to climb the ladder! He slowly climbs…Trips pisses Show off with a chair to the back. KO SHOT TO THE CHAIR INTO TRIPS’ FACE! He tries again, and he tosses Shawn off. They push the ladder off and Trips Pedigree’s Show out of the ring! Shawn sets the ladder up! Jericho pushes tha ladder off and Shawn takes out Big Show! Jericho climbs. Trips is there for him! Jericho tries to get away from Trips’ clutch, but Trips hits a POWERBOMB! He slowly climbs, but Show hits a chokeslam! Big Show DESTROYS THE LADDER! He tees off on Trips in the corner. Scoop slam connects and Jericho brings the super-tall ladder into play. They try to sandwich DX against the ladder and they beat the hell out of them. Another ladder destroyed! We now have half a ladder in the ring, HAHA! Trips’ gets tossed and the fans want the tables. Show chokeslams Shawn into Triple H and through the table. Jericho tries to climb the half of ladder and he decides to balance on Big Show, HAHA! DX gets in the ring and Shawn hits Sweet Chin Music…Jericho falls off Big Show and he lands HARDWAY ON THE TABLE AND IT DOESN’T BREAK! Sweet Chin Music for Show, but he still stands up! DX uses the half of ladder to take Big Show out. They throw half the ladder in the ring and Trips holds the ladder up for Shawn to climb…they capture the titles!

Winners: DX
Grade: B+

DX poses and we are out!

The WWE TLC 2009 Report Card

New Unified Tag Team Champions – DX d. JeriShow: B+
Randy Orton d. Kofi Kingston: B
Still World Heavyweight Champion – The Undertaker d. Batista: D+
New WWE Champion – Sheamus d. John Cena: B
Still WWE Women’s Champion – Michelle McCool d. Mickie James: D+
New WWE Intercontinental Champion – Drew McIntyre d. John Morrison: B
Still ECW Champion – Christian d. Shelton Benjamin: B+

The Final Grade for WWE TLC 2009: B-/B

The Final Pulse

Nothing “over-the-top” tonight, but the show delivered anyways. We have three new champions and the new generation of WWE stars were in the spotlight tonight! Mild recommendation to watch this event with the complete avoidance of Taker/Batista and McCool/James. Everything else was perfectly acceptable, if not moreso. See you tomorrow night for the Slammy Awards and a three hour RAW!
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Tonight, The Miz defends the U.S. Title against Mark Henry and Chris Jericho takes on Triple H & Shawn Michaels in a two-on-one handicap match. Justin Roberts runs through the list that defines Mark Cuban. He welcomes us to Dallas, Texas and he is excited to be tonight’s guest host. The crowd actually cares for tonight’s host so this is an instant plus. Mark Cuban promises that he will get crazy ringside. He promises Sheamus and Cena in some sort of debate tonight.

Speaking of Cena, here comes the WWE Champion! He’s in a match? Now? That’s crazy!

John Cena v. Carlito

Mark Cuban sits in the front row as Carlito opens up with a flurry of offense at the opening bell. Off the ropes and Carlito scores a kick to the head. Knee lift connects and Carlito almost gets his attitude adjusted, but he gets out of it. Corner to corner we go and Cena rebounds. The Throwback connects and Sheamus makes his way to the stage. Mark Cuban gets himself in harms way, but he brings in a line of security detail to keep Sheamus at bay. While the distraction ensues, Carlito looks to take advantage. Backstabber attempt gets countered to the Attitude Adjustment. Until next time, Carlito!

Winner: John Cena
Grade: D

Commercials.

Next week is the 2009 Slammy Awards, guest hosted by Dennis Miller!

Randy Orton and Legacy makes their way out as we recap the massacre of Kofi Kingston last week. He applauds Mark Cuban for taking charge and exerting authority and he has no doubt that tonight’s “showdown” will end in complete chaos. Orton doesn’t care who wins because Cuban will lift Orton’s ban that Orton himself imposed. Orton wants to be the next in line and while Cuban shakes his head, Ted DiBiase talks some smack about Cuban’s last appearance in the WWE. Cuban has the microphone and he lets Orton knows what is up. Cuban denies Orton’s request and that the only reason Orton won was because WWE refs are more crooked than the NBA refs. Cuban has something for Orton tonight…a rematch with Kofi Kingston and he himself will be the special referee. Cody Rhodes says that Mark Cuban is nothing but talk. Cody wants Mark Cuban in a match tonight and if he wins, Orton’s ban is lifted. Mark Cuban wants to wait until June after the Mavericks win the NBA title. Besides, Legacy is already booked tonight.

Legacy v. Evan Bourne & Primo

But first…commercials.

Commercials.

We’re back and we are JIP as DiBiase pins Primo for a two count. Tag to Rhodes and he drops an elbow for two. Tag back to DiBiase and Primo eats a dropkick. Primo backdrops himself out of trouble, but Legacy prevents the tag. Rhodes and Primo collide head first. We get tags all around and Bourne takes it to DiBiase. Bourne goes to the top, but DiBiase cuts him off. Bourne blocks the superplex and he hits the double knees for two. Primo takes out Rhodes, but Bourne falls victim to Dream Street for the win.

Winners: The Legacy
Grade: D+

The security detail make their way back down to eject Rhodes & DiBiase from the arena.

We recap the Celtic Warrior’s warpath from ECW to RAW.

Commercials.

Kelly Kelly is in the ring as your special guest ring announcer for our upcoming match.

Maryse v. Gail Kim

Maryse piefaces Gail Kim and Kim shows Maryse just who she is. Gail spins Maryse around and she clotheslines her on the canvas. Rollup in the corner gets two for Kim. Corner splash connects for two and Kim gives Maryse a crotch choke in the corner. Gail goes to the second ropes, but Maryse kicks the legs out and Gail lands hard on her back and neck. Maryse gets her feet on the ropes and pins Gail Kim. Mark Cuban?

Winner: Maryse
Grade: D

Maryse wants Kelly Kelly to announce her as the next Diva’s Champion. Kelly Kelly won’t have any of it, but Maryse knocks her on her ass anyway. Melina comes out from nowhere and Maryse takes off. Gail Kim showed more dominance in that match than she had in a long time.

Commercials.

DX is in the back decorating their Christmas tree. They pimp their entire wardrobe before going on to pimp each other. Shawn gives Hunter a re-gift and Hunter gives Shawn a midget. Hornswoggle has on his own DX shirt. While they banter back and forth, Hornswoggle climbs up the tree and they pull up the script. Once they see him on the tree, he makes the tree crash down and he lands on them. So I guess they aren’t doing the Little People’s Court segment afterall.

Speaking of pimps, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler pimps Sky Broadcasting’s five year extension.

We get more of Sheamus’ path of terror.

Kofi Kingston walks.

Commercials.

Randy Orton v. Kofi Kingston
Special Referee: Mark Cuban

The bell rings and we get a lock up. Kofi turns it around and he hits an uppercut, followed by a lariat that sends Orton out of the ring. KOFI DIVES THROUGH THE MIDDLE ROPES ONTO ORTON! Back inside and Orton finds a short-arm clothesline that puts him back in control. Orton stomps a hole into Kingston and he leaves him lying. Kingston tries to come back, but Orton hits a scoop slam. He follows with a knee drop and he locks on a chinlock. Orton and Cuban stare down a moment before he continues on the assault. Kingston tries to fight back out from another chinlock and he beats his way out. Kingston takes it to the limit and Cuban has to get involved. Corner splash into a mount connects and Kofi connects with the Boom Drop! He looks for Trouble in Paradise, but Orton counters with the 3.0 Backbreaker! RKO attempt is countered by a backslide and the fastest count in WWE history.

Winner: Kofi Kingston
Grade: B-

Mark Cuban waited six years for this moment, but he intends on making it right as at TLC Randy Orton takes on Kofi Kingston.

We recap even more of Sheamus’ path of terror.

Commercials.

WWE United States Championship: The Miz v. Mark Henry

Miz tries to overpower Henry, but that is not an easy task. Henry headbutts Miz, but Miz looks for a sunset flip. Henry drops his weight on the canvas and Miz takes control. Henry gets pissed and Miz almost lost his head. Military press is countered and Miz sends Henry out of the ring. Miz dropkicks Henry face first to the ring post, but Henry quickly recovers. Miz sneaks up on Henry and it looks like last week, but Miz counters the World’s Strongest Slam to a Tornado DDT for the win!

Winner: The Miz
Grade: D+

JeriShow discusses strategy with each other.

Commercials.

Chris Masters talks with Mark Cuban.

Hornswoggle & Eve Torres v. Chavo Guerrero & Jillian Hall

Chavo and Hornswoggle begin things…or not. Hornswoggle tags out, forcing the divas to compete. Jillian takes advantage of Eve in the early going. Pillar to post we go and Eve eats canvas hard. Jillian sends Eve to the ropes and Eve is on fire! Dropkick into a cover for two! Corner splash is blocked and Eve blocks the tilt-a-whirl. Somersault press connects for the three count!

Winners: Eve Torres & Hornswoggle
Grade: D

Post match, Chavo gets his hands on Hornswoggle and Eve tries to talk some sense to Chavo. Chavo throws Hornswoggle away and Eve stands in front of him. Chris Masters has had enough and he tells Chavo that if he wants Hornswoggle, he has to go through him. Chavo messes with the man boobies and Chris Masters flexes them in a bit of rage. Masters puts Chavo in the Masterlock before slamming him hard to the canvas. Who would ever buy Chris Masters as a face? No one in Dallas bought it at first. Masters seems to have wooed Eve Torres and Hornswoggle thinks that his milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Yes, I just busted out a Dodgeball reference, sue me.

Commercials.

Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler pimp the WWE TLC Card.

There’s a sea of Jericho Sucks signs opposite Jericho. He knows he will be the 2009 Superstar of the Year among everything else. He vows to stay on RAW as long as he wants to. This Sunday is a requiem for DX.

The main event is NEXT!

Commercials.

Handicap Match: Chris Jericho v. DX

The bell rings and it is tag team rules. Jericho and Michaels go at it and Michaels tags in Trips. We get quick tags for the double team opportunities. Michaels with a boot to the face and Jericho is sent right into Hunter’s boot. Tag back to Michaels and back to Trips. Trips gets restrained by the ref and Jericho shoves said ref into Triple H and here comes the Big Show. Show has the big right hands for Shawn and Trips comes in with a steel chair. The chair only pisses Big Show off and he knocks Trips into Sunday. Shawn drop toe holds Big Show and he pulls a ladder out. Jericho baseball slides the ladder into Shawn’s face and Big Show uses the ladder on DX like a baseball bat. They sandwich DX and Jericho slaps the chair against the ladder. DX is left laying in the ring.

No Contest
Grade: N/R

Sheamus and John Cena walk towards the ring.

WWE Tribute to the Troops is on NBC Saturday December 19th!

Commercials.

It’s time for the pre-TLC Showdown between John Cena and Sheamus. We get to ask questions and the first question is why they think they will win. Sheamus shows us that he has never been beaten before and what took Cena three years will take Sheamus mere weeks. Cena has no comment. Sheamus says that Cena isn’t concerned enough about their tables match. Sheamus takes pride in wanting to make Cena suffer and that he has never faced anyone like Sheamus. Cena takes the mic and he looks at Sheamus. He refuses to comment again. The final question. Sheamus has something to say, but Cena has a question for Sheamus. He hopes that he believes what he is saying. Cena says that he has faced them all from Shawn Michaels to Kevin Federline. He has been through all the pain and suffering but in the seven years he has been here, he believes what he says. Cena gets super-serial and he tells Sheamus to either back up what he says or he will become a footnote in WWE history. He may impress Cena, but he doesn’t intimidate him. The furniture gets tossed and Cuban gets shoved away. Cena eats a kick from Sheamus and he sets up a table in the corner. Cena gets back up and he eats another bicycle kick from Sheamus. Mark Cuban gets up using the ropes for leverage and he stares at Sheamus. HE SHOVES HIM ON HIS ASS! Sheamus is shocked. He gets back up and Sheamus knees Cuban in the gut. HE THEN SLAMS CUBAN THROUGH THE TABLE! That Mark Cuban is an insane S.O.B. for taking that spot. That move brings out the Mavericks and Sheamus takes his leave. Cena stands tall and he is pissed off.

Show over.

The WWE RAW Report Card

DX v. Chris Jericho went to a No Contest: NR
Eve Torres & Hornswoggle d. Jillian Hall & Chavo Guerrero: D
The Miz d. Mark Henry: D+
Kofi Kingston d. Randy Orton: B-
Maryse d. Gail Kim: D
Legacy d. Primo & Evan Bourne: D+
John Cena d. Carlito: D

The Final Grade for WWE RAW 12.07.09: D+

The Final Pulse

Mark Cuban was an entertaining guest host tonight. The matches didn’t deliver except for Orton/Kingston, and even that payoff was angle development. The main event was more or less a bait-and-switch and Sheamus continues to prove to the IWC that he is worthy of being a WWE Title contender. I’ll be here Sunday for WWE TLC and next week for the Slammy Awards! Enjoy your week!
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Just announced for RAW: Kofi Kingston v. Randy Orton

And as a shoutout to PK, Pulse Figures has the low-down on new figures Mattel is releasing as part of the WWE line.

BURN IT TO THE GROUND, WWE STYLE!

We’re live from Baltimore, Maryland! We open the show with JeriShow. Jericho needs to clear up some misconceptions tonight. One main misconception is that DX is one of the greatest tag teams of all time. They aren’t, Jericho says. They intend on exposing DX for what they truly are. Fact 1: JeriShow have held the titles for four months and they handled many tag teams while DX has never won tag team titles. Fact 2: DX are frauds. Show pimps DX’s merchandise and the fact they can’t compare to JeriShow. Fact 3: JeriShow has held 42 titles between the two. (So, Triple H and Shawn Michaels held more World Titles than JeriShow.) Big Show talks about his fist and he learns a new word in the process. Fact 4: DX has never been in a TLC match. As a team, Jericho is right. As individuals, Triple H has been in one and Shawn Michaels knows how to use tables, ladders, and chairs.

DX has heard enough and they come out to the ring. Triple H brings up Fact 32 that JeriShow is boring everyone to death. He then says that JeriShow are the champions and no one cares. DX has the army on their side. Shawn promises that they will become the new Unified Tag Team Champions and Triple H promises that once they become the champions, Chris Jericho won’t be on RAW anymore! Jericho says that without him, RAW is nothing. JeriShow says they are better than DX once again. Triple H challenges Jericho to a one-on-one match tonight since their time is limited. Jericho accepts…but on one condition. The loser faces the other team in a handicap match. Jericho has four words for DX: “I’m never leaving RAW.”

Commercials.

Last week on RAW: Maryse returns. That’s all you need to know.

Josh Matthews has Maryse for an interview and she says that Melina has what is hers.

Melina & Gail Kim v. Maryse & Jillian Hall

Looks like Melina and Maryse are starting things off, but she quickly tags out to Jillian. Melina wants Maryse though, but Jillian rolls Melina up for two. Tag to Gail Kim and she hits a missile dropkick on Jillian for one. Jillian regains control and she hits a backbreaker for two. She drops her legs for another two count. She throws Gail around the ring before dragging her to Maryse for the tag. She goads Melina to get involved, but she is smart. Gail Kim hits a neckbreaker from out of nowhere and Melina gets tagged in. She goes to town on Maryse, dropping her knees to the back. SPEAR TO MARYSE! Jillian gets involved and she is immediately taken out by Gail Kim. Melina gets reversed to the corner and she goes for that move that still looks like the Canadian Destroyer, but Maryse holds the ropes and she plants Melina with a DDT for the win.

Winners: Maryse & Jillian Hall
Grade: C

We recap Sheamus’ meteoric rise to the top.

Sheamus walks.

Commercials.

We’re back and it is time for another match! Sheamus comes out and he wants to talk first. He showed Cena why he should take Sheamus seriously, and he answered by putting him through a table. He doesn’t have to pin him or make him submit…all he has to do is put him through a table. His opponent…Santino Marella. He has a microphone of his own and he is more focused on Cena and not Santino. He asks if Sheamus is overlooking him. We get pale skin jokes before talking Lucky Charms. He calls Sheamus “lameass” and here we go!

Sheamus v. Santino Marella

Sheamus goes wild on Santino, taking him to the corner. Huge lariat connects and he could win the match right now. Santino back up…and back down due to a Polish Hammer. Bicycle Kick connects and Sheamus ends it with the Razor Edge. Sheamus leaves the ring and he pulls out a table. He sets it up in the corner and the fans chant for Cena. He picks Santino up and he drives his back through the table. Guess this wasn’t a sanctioned match.

Result: No Match

Sheamus vows that doesn’t compare to what he will do to Cena at TLC.

Backstage, JeriShow talks and we get a shot at Verne Troyer. He greets Show, but ignores Jericho. He’s up next!

Commercials.

Justin Roberts intros Verne Troyer, who is on a bar stool! He talks about how the WWE treated him great…except for the Miz. HAHA! This brings out the Miz and this should be good. REALLY? Seems the voice works right now. He apologizes to Verne before busting out something from the Austin Powers movies. Verne mocks Miz and Jackass and he says that he is better than the Miz. He has no problem kicking Verne into the ring, but it seems Mark Henry has a problem with the Miz. Fat Bastard jokes ensue and Miz says that Mark Henry is boring. He’s the Miz and he’s awesome. Verne wants to slap the grin off Miz’s face, but he decides to give Mark Henry the shot. Miz v. Henry is booked for tonight.

Orton v. Kingston…NEXT!

Commercials.

We’re back and Kofi Kingston makes his entrance, only to be ambushed by Cody Rhodes who sends Kingston against the steel steps. Kofi is in the ring and he wants the match to go on as scheduled. Orton’s music plays and DiBiase attacks from behind and he takes out Kingston’s legs! The referee wants to make sure if Kofi can go on, but Kofi wants Orton to face the music. The match is still on!

Kofi Kingston v. Randy Orton

They circle the ring and Orton goes after the injured leg. He attacks it until Kofi gets to the ropes, but Orton slides out of the ring to continue the attack. He snaps the leg against the ring post and he gets back in the ring. He hits the guillotine choke on Kofi and Kofi still has some fight left in him. Orton tees off on him in the corner and the referee tries to get some control. Kofi tries a comeback and Kingston explodes from the corner! Orton kicks Kingston in the knee…RKO CONNECTS! The pinfall is academic.

Winner: Randy Orton
Grade: NR

Gotta give Kofi props for continuing with the match and there’s no doubt that the feud has just reached the climax here. Orton isn’t done yet as he sets Kofi on the top rope. HE DRILLS KOFI WITH THE SPIKE DDT! Orton looks possessed.

Commercials.

Miz and Verne are playing SmackDown v. RAW and Jillian Hall comes in and she wants to entertain the crowd. MVP lets her and she grinds on Mark Henry who squishes her. HAHA! Verne continues playing.

John Cena is here.

Commercials.

Cena makes his entrance and he puts over being put through a table. Sheamus hasn’t won anything yet. Even if Sheamus wins, Cena is entitled to a rematch and he intends on using it at WWE TLC. Tonight, he goes to war. He wants Sheamus v. Cena tonight?!?!

Carlito has a job still? He comes out to the ring saying that he hates Sheamus. Carlito says that there is a locker room full of people wanting someone to end Cena’s reign. They are tired of Cena stealing the spotlight and Sheamus will be the new WWE Champion. Oh God? Really? Cena gets serious and he tells Carlito that he picked the wrong night and the wrong guy. He tells Carlito to step up. Cena loses the hat and shirt and he tells Carlito to do something about it. He goes for the apple, but Cena beats him to the punch and Carlito eats the Attitude Adjustment. Sheamus comes out and Cena is ready for him. Sheamus thinks waiting is the better part of valor.

Commercials.

Verne Troyer is back on his barstool. He brings out MVP and Mark Henry. Miz says that if Henry has no personality, MVP is bringing us back to reality. We go to rap mode.

Commercials.

The Miz v. Mark Henry

Miz tries to get the upper hand, but that is hard to do against Mark Henry. Henry takes Miz down with a splat, but Miz does find a comeback and he kicks Henry in the face for two. Miz snaps Henry’s neck on the top rope and he goes to the top. He’s caught and Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam. Yup. The Miz is awful.

Winner: Mark Henry
Grade: F

Verne Troyer mocks the Miz and he brings the ladies out.

Jericho walks.

Commercials.

We’re back and DX talk about that dream of being summoned in Little People’s Court. It seemed that it was a dream. Hornswoggle comes in and he is mad that they ignored his plea and he is seeking further prosectution. DX says that he has nothing on them. They leave. So we’re not going to court tonight? Damn.

Chris Jericho v. Triple H

The bell sounds and Jericho gets one-upped by Triple H. Jericho takes his leave and Trips gives chase. Big Show comes out to join the fun, just as expected. Jericho uses the distraction to dropkick Trips off the ring apron. Green screen and we go to break!

Commercials.

Mark Cuban is in charge next week!

Back from break, Triple H has Jericho on the defensive, but Jericho finds an opening and he sends Trips over the top and on the outside. Jericho sends Trips into the ring steps. Jericho off the dropkick into a two count. He has Trips in a chinlock. To the ropes and Trips gets the upperhand. Knee smash connects and that gets a two count. Trips charges and Jericho has a boot up. Codebreaker attempt is countered to a backdrop, which is countered to the Walls, which Trips throws him off. Jericho comes back and scores a two count off an enzugiri. Jericho hits the bulldog and he looks for the Lionsault…Trips has the knees up. Pedigree attempt and Jericho counters with a jacknife pin for two. Both men go toe to toe with Trips having the upperhand. Off the ropes, Trips explodes with a lariat…TWO COUNT ONLY! Pedigree attempt, but Jericho counters to a DDT…ANOTHER TWO COUNT! Jericho comes after Trips and Trips hits the spinebuster for a close two count! Show gets up and he piefaces Shawn. Trips sees this and Big Show punches Trips in the face. The referee evicts Big Show and Shawn Michaels hits Jericho with Sweet Chin Music! Shawn gets evicted and the match continues. Both men are down as the referee starts the count. Both men get up at the nine count. Jericho goes for the Codebreaker, but Trips counters to the Pedigree, but that is countered to the Walls…Trips rolls Jericho up for the pin!

Winner: Triple H
Grade: B+

Shawn has the microphone and he says that next week is Jericho’s last night on RAW.

Show over.

The WWE RAW Report Card

Triple H d. Chris Jericho: B+
Mark Henry d. The Miz: F
Randy Orton d. Kofi Kingston: NR
Sheamus v. Santino Marella never officially happened: NR
Maryse & Jillian Hall d. Melina & Gail Kim: C

The Final Grade for WWE RAW 11.30.2009: C

The Final Pulse

Well, this show was shaping up to be a bomb, but thankfully the rumors of WWE renting a court room in Baltimore was unfounded this week. The evolution of the Sheamus/Cena feud took an interesting turn when Carlito returned from being irrelevant and continued from Jesse Ventura’s conspiracy theory about Cena being on top. This could make Cena’s title reign very intriguing as the locker room slowly turns against Cena. Orton/Kingston took a nice turn with the Legacy beatdown and it just kept that hot feud going. Chavo Guerrero thankfully wasn’t embarrassed this week, but the Miz filled that slot for the week. Overall, I can’t find much to complain about this week as even the divas match was flawless (as in no botches). Enjoy your week and keep your browser set to the Pulse for the latest wrestling news!
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And now, it’s TIME…
TO…
GET…
RAW!

Jesse Ventura style!

Michael Cole calls this your ANNUAL Thanksgiving event and we have John Cena v. CM Punk tonight! Justin Roberts is here to intro Jesse Ventura, but Randy Orton decides to grace us with his presence. Randy plays us saying that normally the guest hosts come out and get interrupted, but Randy Orton wanted to make a statement. Jesse has to make a decision regarding the WWE Title. Orton wants Jesse to lift his ban on the WWE Title that Orton self-imposed. He invites Jesse to come out and he responds. Jesse isn’t dressed as a governor, but as a wrestling fan. Jesse respects Randy and he likes his style, comparing him to himself a few years ago. Jesse is the independent and he demands a revolution. He is going to bring something new to RAW tonight. He then goes on and saying that the same old people won’t be main eventing next month’s Pay-Per-View. There will be a series of matches tonight and the only ones allowed to enter is anyone that has never been World Champion. The winners of these matches heads to a battle royal and that winner becomes #1 Contender. Orton says that Jesse is making a huge mistake, but Jesse says so be it. He pulls out the list and he says that Cena will take on CM Punk. The Hart Dynasty takes on DX. That’s the way it will be because Jesse says so.

Time for the first match! Kofi comes out and he stares down Randy Orton and they pass without incident. His opponent will be announced after the break.

Commercials.

We’re back and we relive last week’s elevation of Kofi Kingston to the top.

Kofi Kingston v. Dolph Ziggler

So these matches are RAW v. SmackDown and the winners go to the battle royal at the end. The winner challenges their brand’s World Title. Insert any joke you may have about the brand extension. The bell rings and they lock up. Kofi gets the upperhand, but misses the splash and almost gets pinned. Ziggler with a wild right hand and he gets a snapmare takeover with a follow-through faceplant for two. Kofi fights back to his feet, but Ziggler gets an exploder suplex for another two count. Chinlock applied, but Kofi fights back and Ziggler slams his head on the canvas. He drops the elbows for another near-fall. He rolls around and attempts to choke Kingston out. Back up, Kofi comes at Ziggler with a sledge, followed by a knee lift. Jumping lariat sends Ziggler down and Kofi hits the Boom Drop. Trouble in Paradise is missed, Ziggler goes for the ZigZag, but Kofi holds on the ropes. Trouble in Paradise connects on the second attempt and that scores a win.

Winner: Kofi Kingston
Grade: C+

We go to the Miz, who is at the catering area. He is thankful for us giving him respect. He is also thankful for a few other things. Oh wait, he expects these things and WE need to be thankful because he’s awesome.

Commercials.

WWE Slam of the Week: Sheamus abuses timekeepers and commentators alike. Is anyone safe from the Celtic Warrior?

Sheamus v. Finlay

This will be good. Brawl to start and the action immediately spills out of the ring. Back inside and Sheamus kicks Finlay before dropping the knees. Cover gets two and Finlay gets sent to the corner. Charge gets reversed and Finlay beats the hell out of Sheamus. Sheamus fights back and he sends Finlay to the steel post. Razor’s Edge finishes. I take that back.

Winner: Sheamus
Grade: D

Sheamus attacks post-bell and he kicks Finlay into the second row.

Commercials.

We’re back and Teddy Long is here to tell us that he is thankful…that Vickie Guerrero still has a job as random guy #3’s man. Vickie wants the potatoes and Teddy thinks of throwing it at them, but Eric stops it.

We pimp “Conspiracy Theory” that will appear on TruTV. Backstage, Jesse goes through his old attire and Randy Orton continues to want in the battle royal. Jesse agrees with him. Jesse says his hands are tied. He thanks Orton for retiring some of the old guys.

I’m loving Punk’s entrance video. WWE Champion in the first hour? Wow! Punk has the microphone and he is thankful for being straightedge. He doesn’t want to be us because he’s better than us. He talks about gluttony and calls Cena a turkey. Break time!

Commercials.

CM Punk v. John Cena

Punk throws his shirt at Cena, who picks it up. He looks at it and throws it down before taking his own shirt off and throwing it in the crowd. The bell rings and they shake hands. Punk gets to the corner, evading Cena on this exchange. Headlock by Punk and Cena sends him to the ropes. Shoulderblock by Cena and Punk stands tall. They jockey for position and PUNK GOES MMA ON CENA! Pillar to post and Cena reverses it and hits a bulldog for a one count. Punk goes pillar to post and Cena looks for the STF, but Punk gets out of the ring as we go to break.

Commercials.

We’re back and Punk has Cena in a headscissors. Cena breaks out of it and ELECTRIC CHAIR! Punk goes down hard. Cena is slow to get up and Punk hits a lariat for a two count. Knee to the temple and Punk continues to boot Cena in the corner. Cena goes opposite corner and he lands hard on his back. Punk beats Cena in the head and neck and scores another two count. Punk tees off and Cena is reeling. Cena puts on the breaks and he goes through his moves of doom! Five Knuckle Shuffle connects and Cena looks for the Attitude Adjustment! PUNK LANDS ON HIS FEET! Go to Sleep is countered into the STF! Punk reaches the ropes. Cena heads to Punk and KICK TO THE TEMPLE! That gets only two. Punk with the knee lifts and he sends Cena to the corner. Corner kick connects, but Cena counters the bulldog! Cena goes high-risk and he hits the Fameasser! Cover gets two! Cena looks for something and he has Punk up, countered…KICK TO THE JAW! Punk crawls and covers for a two count! Damn! Punk charges, but he misses and he lands on the turnbuckle! TOP ROPE ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! That wins for the champ!

Winner: John Cena
Grade: B+

To those just tuning in, we go back to the first hour where Ventura lays the rules down for tonight.

Vince McMahon is in the house and he thinks Jesse wants a match with him. Jesse isn’t here to wrestle him, but he wants to mentally give Vince a low blow. Jesse wanted Vince here to go back to the past. Jesse lays it down and tonight they will be on commentary tonight! He gives Vince the tux and bow-tie to change into. EPIC OWNAGE!

Commercials.

We have a six man tag team match where the winners get to participate in the main event.

Chris Masters, Jack Swagger, & Chavo Guerrero v. MVP, Mark Henry, & R-Truth

Guess the ECW Title doesn’t count, and Lawler just changed the rules to make sure that we don’t question that, saying all six men never held the WWE Title or the World Heavyweight Championship, as was decreed by Ventura earlier tonight.

Bell rings and Swagger & MVP start the opening exchange. Swagger hits a shoulderblock, but MVP flip flops around and hits an armdrag for a one count. To the heel corner we go and Chavo tags in and gets monkeyflipped across the ring. Masters gets a tag beforehand and he takes MVP down. Tag to Chavo and he continues the assault. Masters comes back in and he applies a chinlock. MVP back up and he eats a kick…only for MVP to come back with a lariat. Tag to R-Truth who redefines flip-flop and he kicks Masters for a two count. All six men are in the ring and Chavo Guerrero eats a military press slam on the outside. Masters misses the kick and Truth hits his spinning elbow for the win.

Winners: R-Truth, Mark Henry, & MVP
Grade: D

R-Truth dances away. We head backstage where Hunter is staring down Shawn because he kicked him last night. Shawn thought Hunter would Pedigree him from the get-go. Oh God…is that Mini-Me? He hands them a notice and DX is being sued by Hornswoggle in the Little People’s Court…next week on RAW!

Commercials.

Evan Bourne v. Primo

Primo gets attacked from behind by Randy Orton! He tosses him off the stage and kicks the hell out of him! He heads to the ring and he says that he is taking his spot and orders the referee to ring the bell. Jesse Ventura comes on the tron and he says that rules were meant to be broken so if Orton beats Bourne, he’s in the Battle Royal. Orton beats Bourne to the punch and he eats a guillotine choke on the ropes for a two count again! Bourne kicks away, but Orton looks for the 3.0 Backbreaker…COUNTERED! Corner kick by Bourne and he gets the double knees for two! Off the ropes…POWERSLAM! Orton stalks away and RKO! Call it.

Winner: Randy Orton
Grade: D-

We get some clips of McMahon and Ventura announcing.

The Divas are next!

Commercials.

We get a pimp for “The Marine 2″ and a trailer as well!

Rhodes and DiBiase discuss strategy in the back.

Michelle McCool tells us that this is the stupidest thing they have ever been in. Justin Roberts interrupts to introduce the Gobbledy Gooker. Things go from bad to worse…NEXT!

Commercials.

We go back to 1990 when the Gobbledy Gooker makes his WWF debut.

Thanksgiving Flower Melee Match: Michelle McCool, Layla, & Jillian v. Melina, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly

Melina and Jillian start things off and Melina catches Jillian in the corner. Jillian pulls Melina off and she assumes control. She hits an elbow and we go pillar to post. Handspring elbow is blocked by Melina. Botched faceplant connects for a two count. Layla gets involved and she eats a deck to the face. McCool and Layla says FTS and Jillian gets pinned.

Winners: Melina, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly
Grade: FTS

Jerry Lawler and the Gobbledy Gooker get in the ring to interview Melina. Melina talks and gets attacked by the Gooker? Ah it’s Maryse making her surprise return. She botches getting out of the suit and shows off a bit of her ass. She tosses the costume on Melina before posing.

DX v. the Hart Dynasty…NEXT!

Commercials.

ARE YOU READY?

DX v. The Hart Dynasty

The bell sounds and Tyson Kidd goes toe-to-toe with Shawn. Shawn takes Kidd down and kips up to be taken down by David Hart Smith. Smith must have gotten a blind tag in and he takes it to Michaels with a backbreaker for two. Clubbing blows to the back and Shawn is reeling. Tag to Kidd and Michaels eats a faceplant/dropkick combo. Kidd gets a headlock, but Shawn tries to get out of it. Spin kick to the head and we get a two count. Tag to Smith and Michaels gets slammed by Smith with that brainbuster. The pin on that follow-through gets two. Shawn gets back up and he chops away. Smith counters and looks for a scoop slam, only for Michaels to get out of it. Miscommunication ensues as both men crack heads. This sets up for the hot tag to which we get. Tag to Kidd and tag to Hunter! Hunter goes to town on Kidd and he connects with the high knee. Knee jab connects and down goes Kidd. Spinebusters galore to both members of the Dynasty. Pedigree attempt to Smith, but Kidd stops it and they attempt the Hart Attack…SWEET CHIN MUSIC ON SMITH! PEDIGREE ON KID! Thanks for coming!

Winners: DX
Grade: C+

DX celebrates and Chris Jericho comes out on the stage, mockingly clapping DX. Jesse Ventura announces DX v. JeriShow at WWE TLC for the Unified Tag Team Titles. Hunter says that we’re in Hershey and Big Show is eating too much chocolate. Jericho says this is serious and Shawn agrees. At the next PPV, there will be table matches, ladder matches, and chair matches. The tag title match is on the line in a TLC match! Kudos for Shawn for flubbing the Unified word. DX tries their schitck, but Jericho cuts them off to put himself over. He puts it out that DX has never held a tag title and that while he is the tag champion, they will never hold them.

Batista walks.

Commercials.

Rey Mysterio’s music hits and everyone and their dog knew Batista was on his way out to the ring. Here’s a hint…don’t show Batista walking before commercials if you’re going to do that. Batista says that Mysterio won’t be here tonight and he’ll be spending Thanksgiving in the hospital. Batista says that he could have snapped him in half, but he was humane. Rey chose to embarrass him, so Batista chose to powerbomb Rey repeatedly. He’s here tonight to put everyone on notice. If anyone on SmackDown wins the battle royal tonight, Batista will make them regret it because the Undertaker is his. Kane makes his way out to confront Batista. Kane asks what constitutes disrespecting Batista? Kane wants to test him and see what he will do. He begs Batista to make an example out of him. Batista drops the mic and he has second thoughts. He leaves the ring and he calls it a night.

Commercials.

We’re back and it’s time for our final qualifying match.

Cryme Tyme v. The Legacy

The bell sounds and JTG and Rhodes start things off Rhodes runs around the ring and tags in DiBiase. Legacy with quick tags and JTG is in trouble in the early going. DiBiase gets a cover for two and Rhodes comes back in. Rhodes with a wristlock, but JTG comes back and tags in Shad Gespar. He is on fire and DiBiase is in trouble. DiBiase gets caught in a POWERBOMB…pin attempt broken up by Rhodes. JTG gets taken care of and DiBiase hits Dream Street for the win.

Winners: The Legacy
Grade: D

Commercials.

Gail Kim and Alicia Fox decide to have a food fight, but Santino interrupts things. He says that the women should be cooking and he eats two pies. The Bellas come to his aid and he turns them off and he eats more pies. Eve Torres comes in and more pie comes Santino’s way. Vickie Guerrero comes in with a cake and Santino puts his arms up and Vickie eats her cake.

Time for our main event! Here comes Jesse Ventura and Vince McMahon taking over for Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. Vince has either old music or a one-shot deal theme.

Commercials.

Breakthrough Battle Royal
Participants: Kofi Kingston, Mark Henry, MVP, R-Truth, Cody Rhodes, Ted DiBiase, Randy Orton, and Sheamus

The bell rings and Legacy gangs up on Kofi. Everyone else defends his honor and Sheamus waits to pick his spot. Orton is scouting on the outside. Kofi has Legacy on his tail and MVP tries to dispatch R-Truth. The commentary is awesome so far. Henry squashes Legacy in the corner, but once MVP gets involved Legacy gets the upperhand. R-Truth goes to save MVP, but Sheamus picked his spot and out goes R-Truth!

Orton is back in and Legacy is triple-teaming Kofi in the corner. Orton tries to eliminate him, but he is unsuccessful. MVP gets eliminated by Sheamus!

Sheamus goes against Henry, but Legacy stops it and they try to eliminate him, only to get eliminated themselves. Mark Henry gets eliminated as well and it’s down to Orton, Kofi, and Sheamus!

Orton and Kofi beat the hell out of each other. Kofi off the ropes and he takes it to Orton. Sheamus stands in the corner before going after Orton. Big mistake! Orton downs Sheamus with the 3.0 Backbreaker. Back to Kofi and Kofi hits a dropkick! Corner splash is caught! Orton sends Kofi over and Kofi hangs on! Orton gets caught in a headscissors and he gets eliminated! Kofi has no warning and Sheamus wins the battle royal!

Winner: Sheamus
Grade: A+ (mainly due to the commentary)

The contract signing is NEXT!

Commercials.

Verne Troyer is your guest host next week as RAW goes to the midgets!

Sheamus is impatient as Jesse goes through the spiel. He invites Cena to the ring. Jesse asks Cena to sign the contract and Cena is all smiles. Sheamus demands Cena to stand and face him face to face. Cena talks about what Sheamus did the past few weeks and he gets super-serial. Sheamus wants serious, he’s got Cena to deal with. Cena wants Sheamus to look at the title. Sheamus faces a real man and that he better be ready to make a statement. Sheamus retires people because he can. That doesn’t compare to what he will do to Cena. The shirt goes off and Sheamus signs the contract. Jesse has a conspiracy though. He calls Cena out that it’s a conspiracy that he is still champion. Ventura never got a shot at the title and this is the hook that draws Cena in and Sheamus dissects Cena piece…by…piece. Sheamus finishes by putting Cena through the table and Ventura makes the title match a Table Match! Welcome to the main event, Sheamus!

Sheamus stands tall holding the title.

Show Over.

The WWE RAW Report Card

Sheamus becomes #1 Contender to the WWE Championship: A+
The Legacy d. Cryme Tyme: D
DX d. The Hart Dynasty: C+
Melina, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly d. Michelle McCool, Layla, & Jillian Hall: FTS
Randy Orton d. Evan Bourne: D-
R-Truth, Mark Henry, & MVP d. Chavo Guerrero, Chris Masters, & Jack Swagger: D
John Cena d. CM Punk: B+
Sheamus d. Finlay: D
Kofi Kingston d. Dolph Ziggler: C+

The Final Grade for WWE RAW 11.23.09: C

The Final Pulse

Don’t let the average grade fool you, the show delivered a great effort tonight and we finally get someone new elevated to the WWE Title picture. Jesse and Vince were awesome on commentary and most things flowed well. No complaints from me this week. Thanks for tuning in and keep it to the Pulse all week for your latest news, recaps, and commentary from our talented group of writers!
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Roddy Piper opens up the show and he is going to have Luis Guzman in the Piper’s Pit tonight. The Iron Sheik comes in and they namedrop Hogan and Sheik buries him. Sheik plays with figures and the Bella Twins finish this Saturday Night Live spoof.

New RAW video and it’s awesome. We’re live from Madison Square Garden and 20,538 fans are PACKED in the arena! We’re going to kick things off with the United States Championship on the line! The Miz has a microphone and he complains that the people already hate him. Of course he disses the Yankees, saying that they bought their title. Roddy Piper picked Miz’s opponent and it is…MVP! Sure enough Sherri Sheppard cheers her man on.

United States Championship: The Miz v. MVP

The bell rings and Miz takes it to a higher level from the get-go. Miz sends MVP to the corner and MVP evades the charge. MVP assumes control as the champion leaves the ring to take a powder. MVP won’t allow that as he sends Miz back in the ring. Miz takes the knee out and MVP falls back outside. Miz rams the back of MVP’s neck against the ring post and he rolls him back in the ring for two. Rear naked choke applied and MVP fights back to a vertical base. To the ropes we go and Miz gets dropped on his face. MVP comes with lariats and elbows before hitting a jawbreaker. Ballin’ Elbow connects and he syncs for the Playmaker! Miz counters and he eats the high kick for TWO! Miz catches MVP in the corner and he sets up for the Skull Crushing Finale for the retention!

Winner: The Miz
Grade: C

Commercials.

Last week, Chavo loses to a boxer. At least Hornswoggle was busy with DX.

This week, Chavo Guerrero looks to become relevant. At least he has a proper opponent.

Chavo Guerrero v. Santino Marella

So Santino is wearing many New York jerseys while Chavo looks uninterested. OK once the Yankees jersey comes on, Chavo pretends to like it but he convincely hits the Triple Verticals. Up to the top and Santino is too far away. So Chavo goes to the opposite corner. This goes back and forth and that damned midget is out with the DX gear. Schoolboy from Santino and…yeah you know.

Winner: Santino Marella
Grade: D-

Chavo is pissed off and the ref prevents him from going after the midget. This brings out DX. They wanted to have fun tonight, but it’s not going to happen. Shawn pimps the book. Hunter wants to talk about Sunday’s Triple Threat match. He says that DX isn’t going to implode and they will be an unit. They don’t care who wins the title as long as DX acquires the title. DX won’t implode so it’s time to talk about Hornswoggle. If he comes out now, he might be a honorary member of DX. Hornswoggle chops his crotch all the way in the ring and Hunter tells him to stop it. They run through the DX schitck and they turn on Hornswoggle just as quickly! PEDIGREE ON THE MIDGET! They pull out the official DX backboard and Hornswoggle gets a stretcher job. Weird.

Commercials.

We hype the history of WWE’s home at MSG.

Roddy Piper is in his office as Chris Jericho shows up. Egos collide. He says that Piper disrespects Jericho just as everyone else. So Piper blows his nose and he has something special for Jericho. Chris Masters and his dancing boobies. Jericho is apalled and the Bella Twins escort Masters off the set. Jericho has the evil glare going.

Diva’s Title match is NEXT!

Commercials.

Judah Friedlander from “30 Rock” is our guest ring announcer for our upcoming match.

Diva’s Championship Match: Mickie James v. Alicia Fox

Alicia Fox wants to be announced as the next champion, but Friedlander is here to watch Melina do the splits and to make this a Lumberjill match. Alicia isn’t that impressed. Alicia gets tossed, but she evades contact and Melina gets a close two count. Melina gets knocked out and the heels beat her down. X-Factor gets a two count for Melina. Melina comes back with a flapjack and she builds momentum. Alicia misses a corner charge, but she hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for a two count. Fox looks for an Uranage, but Melina counters to a Canadian Destroyer for the win.

Winner: Melina
Grade: F

Post match, the divas engage each other and Team Mickie stands tall. Judah Friedlander makes an ass of himself.

Roddy Piper is NEXT!

Commercials.

Michael Cole announces that RAW will be on USA until 2014. By then, it’ll be rated G for all audiences. Justin Roberts brings Roddy Piper out for this segment. He gives the fans their respect. He made his career on not being nice, a trait New Yorkers share. We get more Hogan name drops before he says that if you mess with him, you become bald or dead. He done a lot in his career, but he has one more thing up his sleeve. He wants one more match…against Vince McMahon. Oh God, is this a shoot? He knows that Vince is in the building…he responds and he is wearing a pinstriped suit! Vince complements Roddy on his dye job. The worst thing he ever done in MSG was showing up tonight. Vince degrades Roddy’s physical attire and that if Vince fought Roddy tonight, people would be ashamed of him. Vince puts himself as looking good right now. He regrets that he is officially retired from in-ring action. Roddy calls Vince out for being a coward. Roddy has been in car crashes, matches, fought cancer…and beat all that. Roddy doesn’t want the match at a Pay-Per-View but for tonight.

Commercials.

Jesse Ventura is your guest host next week and it is a three hour special event!

Sheamus brags about putting Noble out of business and he issues an open challenge. No one accepts so he hands the microphone to Roberts and he messes with the timekeeper. He throws him across the announce table and Jerry Lawler steps up…and eats a bicycle kick to the jaw.

Commercials.

Matt Striker is on call and he takes over for Lawler tonight. We hype the card for Survivor Series.

Evan Bourne v. Jack Swagger

But first…

Commercials.

We’re JIP as Swagger is in control. Bourne counters a suplex into a schoolboy for one. Dropkick sends Swagger to the corner, but a charge sends Bourne on the apron. Diving forearm gets two for Bourne. Bourne goes on top again and he gets caught. Swagger drives him against the turnbuckle and finishes with a sick Gutwrench Powerbomb.

Winner: Jack Swagger
Grade: F

Piper walks.

Commercials.

Roddy Piper is in the ring. Will Vince McMahon accept the street fight? No. Randy Orton comes out and I’m confused as to WHY Orton would defend the same man that he embarrassed months ago. Orton says he doesn’t care if Vince doesn’t come out because Roddy has a bigger problem…and that’d be New York’s favorite son, Randy Orton.

Orton kicks Piper in the gut as Striker thinks Orton is defending his father. Piper responds with a right and Orton goes to town on Piper. Galvin Stomp connects repeatedly as Piper convulses in the ring. Orton sets up for the punt and Kofi Kingston gets Orton in his grasp! Orton walks away and Kingston battles Orton on the outside. The fight goes to the crowd as Kofi unloads on rights. Orton tries to fight back and he is successful. Kofi slams Orton’s head off the barricade and this won’t stop. Orton sends Kofi back ringside and he stomps the gut. Kofi gets introduced to the steps and Orton tosses him back in the ring. Guillotine Choke connects and Orton towers over Kingston. He looks for the punt and KOFI GETS HIM SOME! Kofi unloads on punches before sending Orton neck first into the barricade. To the empty area we go, Orton is in control and FINALLY, the referees separate them. Orton breaks through and they get separated until Kofi comes back. The fight now goes to the stands and there is no quit. Orton falls into the production area and Kofi stands tall as he picks up a piece of equipment…WHAM! ORTON GETS HIT! HE IS BUSTED OPEN! Kofi goes to the stands and he gets on the railing! He gets restrained by the referees. Kofi escapes and he HITS THE BOOM DROP ON ORTON THROUGH THE TABLE! Kofi stands tall.

Commercials.

John Cena wastes more time with a late promo. I’m backing up from my claim that the triple threat tag match is not going to be PPV quality. Tech guy hands Cena a paper and Cena goes to change the tone for the WWE Title match next week. Cena is ready. He hopes next week, DX are still friends because they need the shoulder to lean on.

Triple Threat Tag Team Match: JeriShow v. DX v. John Cena & Undertaker

As the teams make their entrances, we go to break.

Commercials.

You’d think the other teams would be in the ring by the time we returned to the action, but no. The Undertaker gets the druid entrance as if we have time to burn. Ladies and Gentlemen, you’re watching this main event start at 11:08pm EST. Triple threat rules, which is different than normal triple threat tag rules. Cena, Jericho, and HBK start off but they tag in their respective partners. Taker stares down Hunter and they double team Big Show. Big Show gets taken out and Hunter gets a spinebuster on Taker before tagging in HBK. Wrestlemania 25 rematch in progress. Taker takes and he handles HBK before Show spears Taker and evoids Sweet Chin Music. Jericho gets tagged and he hits a bulldog. Lionsault gets countered, but Jericho counters the counter with the Wall’s. Taker stops it and Cena tags in. Jericho gets bulldogged and he eats Sweet Chin Music. Jericho eats a side slam and Cena and Hunter stare down. They brawl and Big Show hits a double chokeslam. Taker is in and he misses a KO punch, but hits the flying clothesline. The giants go out of the ring. Show TOSSES TAKER IN THE BARRICADE! Jericho covers Cena for a two count. Hunter tags in HBK and he goes nuts on Jericho. Cena evades Sweet Chin Music and he hits his moves of doom on Shawn. Hunter tags in and he goes to work. Hunter is a one man wrecking crew and he goes for the Pedigree on Cena, but Show hits a headbutt. Sweet Chin Music to Show! Codebreaker to Shawn! Chokeslam to Jericho! Cena has Hunter…ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT! PINFALL!

Winners: The Undertaker & John Cena
Grade: B- (Not as good as it could be, but for the time they allowed, it was flawless.)

OH MY GOD! Undertaker hits the Tombstone Piledriver on John Cena! Wrestlemania 26 feud in the making?

Show Over.

The WWE RAW Report Card
Cena/Undertaker d. JeriShow & DX: B-
Jack Swagger d. Evan Bourne: F
Melina d. Alicia Fox: F
Santino Marella d. Chavo Guerrero: D-
The Miz d. MVP: C
Extra Credit: Kofi Kingston beats the hell out of Randy Orton

The Final Grade for WWE RAW: D+

The Final Pulse

You would think tonight would be off the wall, but the matches were too short. The longest was the main event and for the type of match it was it should had been longer. I won’t be too long tonight, but for MSG, the show was eventful. For the live viewer, nothing important happened. Pulse Wrestling will have live coverage of Survivor Series this Sunday and I should be back next week!
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Somebody get me a job with TNA, cause I can do the opening monologue much better.

WE ARE LIVE FROM THE iMPACT ZONE! Mike Tenay and Taz are at ringside and we’re opening with the X Division Championship!

X Division Championship: Homicide v. The Amazing Red (w/Don West)

The bell rings and Don West is over with the crowd. Homicide plays the taunting factor, but Red ducks the first shot. Red with a dropkick and Homicide takes to the outside, roughing up West. Red off the ropes and he brings Homicide back in. Crossbody block gets a two count. Red with the headscissors, but Homicide follows with a discus clothesline that turns Red inside out. Homicide is in control at the moment and he bites Red in the face. Back drop attempt is floated over and Red gets a low clothesline for two. Red on the top and he goes for the rolling senton for a miss. High angle backbreaker by Homicide gets a close two count. Homicide regains control and he chases West from the ring before he chokes away. Atomic Drop by Homicide is followed with a neckbreaker for two. Throat jab connects on Red and Homicide locks on a modified surfboard. Homicide gets out of the hold and Homicide thinks he tapped out, but he is very much alive. He goes back to biting Red and he takes him to the corner. Red is on top as Homicide chokes him. Red tries to fight back, but Homicide climbs up to the second rope. Red fights him off and he hits an armdrag. Red is on the comeback with a tornado DDT for a two count. Red off the ropes and he gets a close two count and in a first…we get “THAT WAS THREE” chants. Dragon screw by Homicide and he hits the BRONX BOMBER FOR A CLOSE TWO! Homicide feels it and he goes for the Gringo Killa, but Red gets out of it. Red gets catapulted in the corner and Homicide follows with a stunner, countered to a standing SSP for TWO! Red has enough and he goes to the top, but Homicide is close behind. Off the top…HOMICIDE CATCHES HIM WITH A CUTTER! Red flip flops around the ring and Homicide gets TWO! Homicide has Red up on top and the hurrancurana attempt gets reversed. Off the ropes…CODE RED CONNECTS! RED RETAINS!

Winner: Amazing Red
Grade: B+

Tenay and Taz welcome us to Turning Point.

Both TNA Knockouts Titles On the Line: The Beautiful People v. Taylor Wilde, Sarita, & ODB

Mike Tenay explains that if ODB gets pinned, the person pinning her wins the Knockout’s Title and if Wilde or Sarita get pinned, that person wins the tag team title. This seems that both titles won’t change hands at the same time.

Velvet and Taylor start things off and the referee gets involved early on. Low kick by Taylor and in comes Sarita. Double team move and ODB comes in for the falling salute for two. Santino’s gotta be proud. Velvet no-sells and she tags in Madison and she has ODB…maybe. She has an aching finger and that allows ODB to tag in Sarita. Schoolgirl gets two. Armdrag by Sarita and Madison goes down. Tag to Taylor and she gets two. Springboard armdrag, but Lacey Von Erich dismantles Taylor, giving Madison a two count. Neckbreaker by Madison and that gets two. Tag to Velvet and we get a double team Russian Leg Sweep. That gets two. Full mounting cover gets another two count. Velvet off the ropes with a low dropkick and that gets two. Tag to Lacey and she gets two. YOU CAN’T WRESTLE chants from the crowd and Lacey tags out to Velvet. Octopus Stretch by Velvet with a bite and Taylor gets out of it. Velvet tags in Madison and HERE COMES ODB! She is a one-woman wrecking crew. Fallaway slam on Madison and she kips up. Cover and Lacey breaks it up. IT’S BALLS TO THE WALL! ODB gets triple-teamed and even that doesn’t keep ODB down. Torture rack backbreaker on Madison Rayne and that is all!

Winners: ODB, Sarita, & Taylor Wilde
Grade: C-

JB is with Desmond Wolfe. Desmond says he’s a gentleman, but he made his point. Tonight, the Wolfe will devour what remains. He has Angle’s number. You can bow to my howl, wanker!

TNA World Tag Team Titles: Beer Money v. Motor City Machine Guns v. The British Invasion

This is going to be hard to follow. Storm takes out both Brits and he has Magnus’ number. Tag to Roode and Magnus tags in Shelley. Roode takes Shelley down, but Shelley isn’t staying down. Armdrag by Shelley, but Roode hits a backbreaker for two. They trade chops, but Shelley sweeps the leg and the Guns double team Roode. Tag to Sabin and he lands a leg drop for two. Roode off the ropes and Williams tags in and almost gets pinned. Sabin takes Williams down and in comes Shelley. Double team moves ensue and Shelley slams Williams on the mat. Chinlock applied, but Shelley works the arm a bit. Leg drop scores a two count. Tag to Sabin and he drops his weight on Williams’ arm. Tag to Magnus and he mounts on Sabin. Tag back to Williams and the Brits are in control. Williams gets a two count, so we go pillar to post. ENZUGIRI by Shelley and Storm tags in. Magnus is in and he eats a slam for two, interrupted by Williams. We get the Beer Money chant and the Guns tag in and we get sexual innuendo in the corner! The Brits are getting gangbanbed while the Guns try to finish things with a crossbody for two. Williams gets ejected and Shelley gets a Sliced Bread to no avail. The Guns go down, so Beer Money pick things off. Williams goes up and over…CATAPULT DDT to Magnus! Roode slams Williams, but Magnus is there to save it. Storm kicks Magnus upside the head and Eric Young is there for the distraction! Hebner orders EY to leave as the Brits are back in control. Storm stalks EY and Kevin Nash is there for the title…only for him to use it on Storm?! Nash takes the belt and Roode gets slammed in the double team for the pin.

Winners: The British Invasion
Grade: C+

We recap Raven’s return to TNA.

JB is with Kevin Nash wondering what the hell he just did? Nash is all about PG and he did what he did for a reason. He did it for Hulk Hogan. We’ll find out Thursday!

Six Sides of Steel: Tara v. Awesome Kong

The bell rings and Kong they go balls to the wall! We have some weird technical difficulties right now with the sound truck. Tara evades a splash attempt and she slams Kong’s arm on the cage. Tara goes to the top rope and Tara climbs to the top, only to get pulled back into an electric chair! Kong goes to the cage, but she gets dropped on her crotch! Kong fights Tara off and SHE HITS A MISSILE DROPKICK! Cover gets two! Tara misses getting thrown to the cage, but connects with the turnbuckle instead. KONG RUNS AND SHE CRUSHES TARA AGAINST THE CAGE! Kong swings Tara against the cage and she follows with a choke. There’s a hole in the cage in that shot. Kong has her way with Tara and she headbutts her to the mat. Suplex into a front-face slam connects from Kong and it seems to be a matter of time. Tara counters another suplex attempt and she bashes Kong upside the cage! KICK TO KONG AND SHE’S REELING! Dropkick to the chest and Tara hits a standing moonsault for two! Tara looks to escape and she fights Kong off. Kong climbs as well and they fight on the rope! BOTH WOMEN SLIP AND LAND ON THE CROTCH! They still fight in that position and Kong kicks Tara off! Tara grabs Kong’s neck, but Kong fights it off. OH MY GOD TARA POWERBOMBS KONG! TARA POWERBOMBS KONG! COVER….TWO COUNT ONLY! Tara takes to the cage and she gets on top. She isn’t thinking escape…CROSS BODY BLOCK OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE! THAT GETS IT!

Winner: Tara
Grade: B-

Tara is excited and she warns ODB that she’s next!

Hogan gets pimped.

Street Fight: Rhino & Team 3-D v. Hernandez, Matt Morgan, & Pope D’Angelo Dinero

Hernandez and Devon start things off. Dinero talks smack and Devon attacks. Morgan gives Dinero a piece of his mind . Hernandez catches Devon off guard and Dinero tags in Hernandez. This is a trainwreck. Dinero takes down Devon and scores a two count. Devon has enough and he tags in Brother Ray. Ray rips up a dolla dolla bill and Dinero spits in Ray’s face. Double leg takedown by Dinero and Ray takes a powder. Ray gets back in the ring and they lock up again. Ray gets the advantage and I’m confused as to who is actually over in this match. Rey jocks and jives, but Dinero ducks and hits a series of elbows that sends Ray to the ropes. DINERO EXPRESS TO THE ROPES! That gets two. BUBBA BOMB by Brother Ray connects and he tags in Rhino. Rhino sends Dinero to the corner and in comes Matt Morgan! Rhino takes it to Morgan, but Morgan flexes his arm and down goes Rhino. Off the ropes and Morgan hits Rhino again. Back in the ring, Rhino tries to get some offense in. Morgan charges and he misses. Rhino charges and he connects, but Morgan levels Rhink with a discus clothesline for two. Isn’t this supposed to be a street fight? It’s balls to the wall and Dinero inadvertenly takes Hernandez out. Devon and Dinero are legal and he gets mouthy before beating Dinero up. Tag to Rhino as he continues the onslaught. Ray gets in on the action and he locks in a bearhug. Pope gets out of it, but he is still subjected to the “lack of violence” from the team of ECW rejects. Devon with a chinlock as they are trying hard to get the fans to hate them, but it isn’t working. Pope gets a schoolboy for two and Devon throws him across the ring. Devon tags in Rhino who gets a shoulderblock for two. Brother Ray tells the crowd to say Rhino Sucks, so they do so half-heartedly. Pope gets knocked outside and Brother Ray says he’s a bigger pimp. Back in the ring, Rhino gets two. Tag to Brother Ray and he goes up top to the delight of the crowd. He misses the butt splash like an idiot. Pope tags in Morgan and he cleans house. The elbow pads go off and he rapes Rhino in the corner with them! Corner splash connects, followed with a side slam for two, broken up by Devon. Double team fails miserably and Hernandez tags in and he’s a one-man wrecking crew. He slams Rhino down for two. Hernandez flies out of the ring and he takes out the ECW Rejects! Back inside, Hernandez hits a big splash, but Rhino kicks out! Ray in illegally and he hits a scoop slam. Wassup attempt, but the Pope sends Devon off. PIMP SLAP, BITCH to Brother Ray! Morgan chokeslams Ray and Rhino dispatches Morgan! Dinero scoops Rhino up and he bombs him for two! Devon has a chair and he hits Hernandez. Gore follows and this borefest is over.

Winners: Team 3-D & Rhino
Grade: D+ (Wow….that sucked)

Lauren with Scott Steiner, with a roll of aluminum foil? Oh it’s a lead pipe. The bout is now No-DQ, Falls Count Anywhere. Steiner is thinking that he is oozing sex. Ugh.

Falls Count Anywhere: Scott Steiner v. Bobby Lashley

Lashley treats Steiner like a bitch from the get go! Steiner eats a chair shot and Lashley sends Steiner to the ring. Lashley beats a hole into Steiner and we go pillar to post. Snap suplex gets two as Steiner kicks out. The fans can’t decide who to cheer. GET OUT OF ORLANDO, TNA! Lashley charges and Steiner gets a boot up. T-Bone Suplex by Lashley gets two. Steiner gets sent out of the ring and Lashley is in pursuit. Steiner hits a low blow and he does it again. Cover outside and that gets two. Steiner is in control and he picks up a chair. He hits Lashley with it and only gets two. Back in the ring and he hits a belly to belly into a pin attempt for two. Last month, Steiner busted his ass. This month…he’s lukewarm. Steiner busts out two more belly to belly suplexes and that gets two. Steiner has Lashley on the top. Frakensteiner? Yup. Cover gets two. OK, he’s up to warm now. Scoop slam connects and Steiner goes up top. Lashley catches him and he press slams Steiner on the top rope and he lands hard outside! Lashley is building momentum and the fight goes to the announce table! Steiner runs away, but eats a chair anyway. Backstage we go and we have no crew ready. Really, TNA? Steiner is busted open and Lashley hits Steiner with a trash can. Steiner goes through the bike rack and Lashley cleans a table off. SUPLEX ONTO TWO TABLES! Steiner barely kicks out! Lashley has a 2X4 and Taz lets out his HOOOOOOO! reference. Lashley sets up…SPEARS THE MASS OF WOOD! The joke writes itself. Steiner chokes Lashley out with an extension cord. Lashley is out, but only for a two count. Bobby is back up and he gives chase to Steiner. Back inside the IMPACT ZONE we go and they go to the spanish broadcast table and he takes apart the scaffolding! STEEL PIPE TO LASHLEY! LASHLEY IS OUT!

Winner: Scott Steiner
Grade: C+

That was shocking.

Kurt Angle v. Desmond Wolfe

OK here is your dream match, folks! They lock up and Angle has the advantage. Another lockup and angle twists the wrists. Wolfe counters and he takes Angle down in the wrist lock. Already the fans are chanting “THIS IS WRESTLING”! Angle with a series of hiptosses and armdrags, he settles on a wristlock. Wolfe reverses to a hammerlock into a keylock! He drops the leg and he maintains the hold for a two count. Angle with a wristlock, but Wolfe counters again and he decks Angle in the corner. Right hand from Wolfe and he extends the hand on the ropes. Corner to corner we go and Angle is ready. Snap Vertical Suplex by Angle gets two. Backbreaker gets two as well. Uppercut connects and Angle thrusts his shoulder against Wolfe’s sternum. Angle charges and he eats the steel ring post! Wolfe puts the injured arm behind Kurt’s back and he SWEEPS THE LEG! Single arm suplex by Wolfe and he isn’t stopping. Angle goes up and over, but Wolfe stops the sunset flip attempt. Wolfe works the arm and he bridges the arm in a painful move. Angle counters to an anklelock, but Wolfe gets out before it gets cinched in. Wolfe with an uppercut and he rushes…running uppercut! Wolfe goes for another charge, but Angle catches him with a belly-to-belly! Angle back up and he hits a series of clotheslines! Corner to corner we go, but Angle gets a flying forearm for two. Wolfe with a headbutt, but Angle with a German! Waistlock applied and Angle hits another…and another…and another…and another…and one more for the races! SIX GERMANS! The straps come down and Angle is ready for the kill. Angle Slam is countered to an armdrag and LARIAT BY WOLFE! ANGLE KICKS OUT!

Tower of London attempt, but Angle REVERSES TO AN ANGLE SLAM…TWO COUNT ONLY! Wolfe has a keylock cinched in, but Angle rolls through and Wolfe is in trouble! WOLFE COUNTERS WITH A LOWEBODY FIGURE FOUR HAMMERLOCK! ANGLE ROLLS THROUGH! ANKLELOCK! Wolfe gets to the ropes, but Angle pulls him back. He reaches the ropes. WOW! Angle with the Angle Slam, but Wolfe counters with a spike DDT! Tower of London this time CONNECTS! Cover…this is ov—NO! Wolfe goes for a lariat, but Angle hits one of his own! Angle to the top and he misses the moonsault. KEYLOCK LOCKED IN! Angle gets to the ropes. Wolfe goes for a THIRD TOWER OF LONDON, but Angle escapes. Wolfe up top…Angle fights him off. FROG SPLASH, FTW! OH GOD, WOLFE IS STILL ALIVE! Angle picks Wolfe up for a Tombstone, but Wolfe counters to it…ANGLE COUNTERS TO THE ANKLELOCK! Wolfe kicks out, but Angle holds on! FUJIWARA ARMBAR INTO A TRIANGLE CHOKE! WOLFE TAPS!

Winner: Kurt Angle
Grade: A

JB with Samoa Joe. He says he’s in a good situation as he only has to beat one of them.

TNA World Title Match: AJ Styles v. Samoa Joe v. Daniels

The bell sounds and Daniels SUCKER PUNCHES STYLES! Daniels goes toe to toe with Joe and Styles gives Daniels his receipt. Styles sends Joe pillar to post and he connects with a corner splash. Daniels goes down and Joe takes advantage with a corner splash and enzugiri. Back chop followed by a kick and Daniels hits a leg lariat, sending him out of the ring. Schoolboy by Styles on Daniels gets two. Daniels gets a headlock and he gets sent to the ropes. Daniels holds on and Styles hits air. Dropkick by Styles on Daniels anyway and Joe gets one as well. Styles with a headlock. AJ kicks Joe off and he gets one on Daniels. Daniels sends Styles to the ropes and Joe clips the leg. STO by Daniels and he gets hung up on the ropes. Lefts and rights by Joe sends Daniels down. JOE PUNTS STYLES IN THE RIBS! High Knee scores two for Joe. Joe gets a leg bar locked in, but Styles gets it broken up. Cover for Styles gets two. Styles goes for a suplex on Joe and he connects! He decks Daniels and Styles goes after Joe. Indian Deathlock/chinlock combo applied and Daniels breaks it up and kicks Joe out of the ring. Drop toe hold by Daniels and he drops the knee on the back of Styles’ head. Headlock applied and he lets go for a low dropkick. He slams Styles on top of Joe and he applies a dual submission on Joe and Styles! That gets broken up and he hits a forearm on Styles, but walks into an uranage from Joe! Joe kicks Styles repeatedly before he rushes both of them with running knees! Snapmare takeover to Daniels and he follows with an atomic drop on Styles. Joe goes for the Elbow Suicida, but Styles has him scouted! Styles back in and he takes it to Daniels. Snap suplex by Styles and he goes after Joe, but Joe is smart. Joe sweeps Styles’ leg and he lands hard on the apron. Watch out, here comes Daniels! Asai Moonsualt attempt and Styles stops. Kokina Clutch! by Joe…STYLES…BLACKBERRY FLOP! HOLY F***!!! Styles brings Joe in the ring and gets two. Styles with a snap headscissors on Joe and he takes it to him. Daniels is down…POETERY IN MOTION TO JOE! HURRANCURANA TO DANIELS! TWO COUNT ONLY!

Daniels thrusts Styles into Joe and he has chops and slaps for both men. MONKEY FLIP, CAUGHT BY JOE…BOMBED ONTO DANIELS! Joe powerbombs Styles for two…he goes to a Boston Crab and converts to a STF! Styles gets the ropebreak. Joe with a snap powerslam gets two and Daniels comes back in! Joe is ready for Daniels, but Daniels locks on a Dragon Sleeper on Joe! AJ GETS TAKEN UP AND SLAMMED ON TOP OF JOE! HOLY S***! Two count for Daniels on both Styles and Joe! Daniels has AJ up for the DVD, TWO COUNT ONLY! Styles tries to come back but Daniels counters the suplex. Styles counters the counter and he snaps the neck on the landing. Both Styles and Daniels are down in the ring. Joe comes back in and AJ takes it to him! Joe fires back with the slaps and a high kick! Joe does the same to Daniels, but Daniels takes him down with an enzugiri! PELE BY STYLES TO DANIELS! Joe rushes, Styles blocks. Clotheslines all around by Styles! Daniels gets elevated out of the ring. SPRINGBOARD FOREARM ON JOE…TWO COUNT ONLY! Styles gets a cover on Joe again for two. Joe sends Styles to the corner…INVERTED DDT GETS A TWO COUNT!

Twenty Minutes in and Styles goes for an inverted DDT for Daniels, but Daniels counters to the Last Rites for TWO! Joe with a Muscle Buster attempt, but DANIELS HITS A GERMAN SUPLEX ON JOE! Joe hangs Daniels on the top…MUSCLE BUSTER CONNECTS! STYLES BREAKS THE PIN! Styles hits Joe with the turnbuckle and we trade rollups! Joe gets the cover…TWO COUNT! Joe charges into a spin kick by Styles! Styles looks for the clash…JUMPING ENZUGIRI BY DANIELS! Joe gets taken down. Last Rites is countered to the Styles Clash, countered to a jacknife cover, countered to Daniels getting a Styles Clash attempt…JOE BREAKS IT UP! Joe has a double clothesline for both men. HIGH-LOW ON JOE! Joe is down and Styles and Daniels make peace for the moment. Styles charges and he and Daniels are on the top turnbuckle…JOE CHOPS STYLES OUT OF THE RIGN! Muscle Buster is countered…STO BY DANIELS! BME BY DANIELS… CONNECTS! COVER…HERE COMES STYLES! 450! 450! PINFALL!

Winner: AJ Styles
Grade: A+ (MATCH OF THE YEAR HANDS DOWN!)

Wow…just wow.

Show Over.

The TNA Turning Point Report Card

AJ Styles d. Samoa Joe & Daniels: A+
Kurt Angle d. Desmond Wolfe: A
Scott Steiner d. Bobby Lashley: C+
Team 3-D & Rhino d. Hernandez, Matt Morgan, & Pope D’Angelo Dinero: D+
Tara d. Awesome Kong: B-
The British Invasion d. The Motor City Machine Guns & Beer Money: C+
ODB, Sarita, & Taylor Wilde d. The Beautiful People: C-
Amazing Red d. Homicide: B+

The Final Grade for TNA Turning Point 2009: B

The Final Pulse

I’m giving the PPV a high recommendation based on Amazing Red/Homicide; Angle/Wolfe; Joe/Daniels/Styles with the latter two worth the price of the event alone! Awesome show tonight as TNA worked hard with the card. No titles changed hands, but it was still a damned good show. Check the replay out!
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