Inside Pulse Wrestling » Chris Sanders http://wrestling.insidepulse.com Wrestling news, rumors, reviews and commentary, from WWE to TNA to ROH and everything in between... Fri, 21 Nov 2014 18:37:08 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0.1 Wrestling news, rumors, reviews and commentary, from WWE to TNA to ROH and everything in between... Inside Pulse Wrestling no Wrestling news, rumors, reviews and commentary, from WWE to TNA to ROH and everything in between... Inside Pulse Wrestling » Chris Sanders http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/wp-content/plugins/powerpress/rss_default.jpg http://wrestling.insidepulse.com The Classy Ring Attire Podcast #145: “The Only Match Anybody Cares About” http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/11/16/the-classy-ring-attire-podcast-145-the-only-match-anybody-cares-about/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/11/16/the-classy-ring-attire-podcast-145-the-only-match-anybody-cares-about/#comments Mon, 17 Nov 2014 00:52:42 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=170812 It’s a hectic time at Classy Ring Attire. New jobs for both hosts, Joel is sick, and Survivor Series approaches. But they still band together to bring you the latest in Classy news and opinions.
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http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/11/16/the-classy-ring-attire-podcast-145-the-only-match-anybody-cares-about/feed/ 2 Bray Wyatt,Classy ring attire,dean ambrose,HHH,john cena,randy orton,Raw,seth rollins,survivor series,WWE We push through hectic schedules and sickness to bring you podcast gold yet again It's a hectic time at Classy Ring Attire. New jobs for both hosts, Joel is sick, and Survivor Series approaches. But they still band together to bring you the latest in Classy news and opinions. Inside Pulse Wrestling no 59:40
THE RAGER! – Just a Short-Term Goodbye http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/11/12/the-rager-just-a-short-term-goodbye/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/11/12/the-rager-just-a-short-term-goodbye/#comments Wed, 12 Nov 2014 16:00:29 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=170776 If you’ve listened to the end of the most recent Classy Ring Attire, you probably have a good idea about what this RAGER will be all about but I wanted to do something along the same lines here because I was writing this long before the CRA idea ever came about and I was always more open about my personal life here.

My RAGERs have become scarce the past few months and there are a few reasons for it but the main reason was my dad’s declining health. Those of you that have read since the very first RAGER in March of 2011 might remember the random thought at the end of that column in which I carried out a special request by my dad just because it was a question he wanted somebody to answer. I think it was something about the post office bathroom or something along those lines. And throughout the past 3 years, I would mention him here and there, either his reaction to various times he actually watched Raw with me (he wasn’t a fan of present-day wrestling) or if I was talking about his medical condition and it’s peaks and valleys. And though this is a wrestling column, I also used RAGER as catharsis for my own peaks and valleys, not to brag or expect pity but in moments of extreme emotion, sometimes it’s good just to know that other people are even aware of said emotions and that’s all. You all have always responded with kindness or jokes when I needed the humor and I’ve always been thankful for it.
On October 20th, my dad passed away at the age of 55, ending his 5 year battle with melanoma. It’s been 3 weeks since he’s passed and things have finally slowed down enough to where I returned to Classy Ring Attire and now can collect my thoughts and write all of this out.

As I stated on the podcast, I’m sure writing a wrestling column wasn’t exactly what he would’ve imagine I’d be doing right out of college but he knew I was always happier when I had some sort of creative outlet and that’s exactly what this column is and so he was encouraging. He was even secretly a reader himself, a fact he never revealed to me until about a year ago.

My dad was an incredibly encouraging person even in the face of a situation in which it would’ve been acceptable for him to be cynical about everything. He encouraged my sister and I to be unlike anybody else and, most importantly, become the people we were meant to be. And so I want to pass on this encouragement to all of you. Take chances and pursue all that is near and dear to your heart. Find a passion for something, no matter how big, small or silly it might seem.

Side note: since it’s all kinda fresh in our minds and given my closeness to the subject, don’t donate to organizations that are dedicated to “raising awareness” for cancer. It’s kind of hard to find someone in this world that isn’t aware of cancer in some form. If you feel the need to donate, find an organization that raises funds for research or aids the patients themselves. The best way is to donate straight to your closest cancer institute, most hospitals have specialized facilities as it is. My family has had a direct contact with the great people at the Duke Cancer Institute and with continued support, they and those like them will continue to work towards better treatment and better care in the future.

But the overall point of this post is really for me to tell everyone that I’m going to be taking some more time off. Doing a podcast with a co-host is one thing because I’m not expected to carry the conversation every week but sitting down alone with my thoughts and forming into something comprehensible and engaging is kind of a challenge at the moment. Unfortunately, I’ve had a couple personal things pile on top of what I’m already dealing with and it’s going to take some time to get everything sorted out. So in the meantime, I’ll be taking a break from RAGER and right now, I’m thinking that I’ll at least be back for Wrestlemania season. Until then, I’ll still be on Classy Ring Attire and posting those here on Pulse Wrestling and I’m sure I’ll continue to post on the PPV Roundtables with all of your favorite columnists.

So I just wanted to let you all know what was going on as well as hearing it all from me as to why I wasn’t posting anything. Thank you everybody for reading this and reading all the other garbage I’ve flung at you for the past 3 ¾ years and I promise I will be back soon with a renewed energy and hopefully somewhat decent insight. Goodbye for now.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
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Classy Ring Attire #144: A Return to Form http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/11/10/classy-ring-attire-144-a-return-to-form/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/11/10/classy-ring-attire-144-a-return-to-form/#comments Mon, 10 Nov 2014 16:38:55 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=170749 Chris and Joel are finally back together and they’ve got a lot of catching up to do so watch, or rather listen as they cram 2 weeks of wresting and Hell in a Cell all into a single podcast.

Also, Chris talks about his recent absence in a special address to the listeners at the end of the show.

(Also, here is the match joel mentioned in the “What’s making me happy” segment)

Finally, we haven’t been able to post on Pulse for a while so if you want to catch up, you can find old episodes on our blogger site or, of course, you can find them all on iTunes.

Stay Classy And Huzzah!
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http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/11/10/classy-ring-attire-144-a-return-to-form/feed/ 6 Bray Wyatt,Classy ring attire,dean ambrose,HHH,john cena,randy orton,WWE CRA is back with both hosts! Tell your friends! Tell your family! Tell randoms! Chris and Joel are finally back together and they've got a lot of catching up to do so watch, or rather listen as they cram 2 weeks of wresting and Hell in a Cell all into a single podcast. Also, Chris talks about his recent absence in a special address to the listeners at the end of the show. (Also, here is the match (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVaTRP0-ud0) joel mentioned in the "What's making me happy" segment) Finally, we haven't been able to post on Pulse for a while so if you want to catch up, you can find old episodes on our blogger (http://classyringattirepodcast.blogspot.com/) site or, of course, you can find them all on iTunes (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/classy-ring-attire/id493799463). Stay Classy And Huzzah! Inside Pulse Wrestling no 1:05:11
THE RAGER! Uncooked (CM Punk) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/09/24/the-rager-uncooked-cm-punk/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/09/24/the-rager-uncooked-cm-punk/#comments Wed, 24 Sep 2014 15:40:32 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=170161 I pulled the plug on the planned RAGER for today because I felt bad for releasing a scatter-shot of anger and unformed thoughts. I try to be as positive and objective as possible on here but it’s always easier to crap on the product, nor matter what the subject is. It’s always a bigger challenge to try to be constructive which is why the Schrodinger’s IWC can be so utterly useless sometimes because it’s always full of angry nobody’s that yell and threaten that they’re never going to watch WWE/TNA/ROH ever again because of x, y, and z. However, the problem with being constructive in this sense is that it’s an exercise in futility because, regardless of how inflated my ego may be at times, WWE is not going to read my fantasy booking ideas and they’re not going to use my admittedly short-sighted solutions. So basically, the purpose of all this RAGER business is to say “Hey, I have thoughts. Do you have thoughts? Let’s compare thoughts.”

However, like I said, what I originally wrote for this week was a shotgun blast of underdeveloped thoughts that were just pure anger at Night of Champions and the rematch show that followed the next night on Raw. In all honestly, that version of RAGER was half-assed and just not good…just like the past week of WWE programming.

Although I did have a good line saying “just because the name of the show is ‘Raw’ doesn’t mean your ideas have to be uncooked.” I like cooking metaphors…I should learn how to cook.

So instead, I’m going to shamelessly plug the CM Punk Top 10 WWE Matches video that I finally got around to making last week for Classy Ring Attire. Watch, enjoy, disagree and remember better times.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The answer: I take back part of what I just said, WWE totally listens to Classy Ring Attire, you should to. We also have a Facebook page.
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THE RAGER! Wait, Night of Champions is THIS Sunday? (John Cena, Brock Lesnar, Rusev) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/09/17/the-rager-wait-night-of-champions-is-this-sunday-john-cena-brock-lesnar-rusev/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/09/17/the-rager-wait-night-of-champions-is-this-sunday-john-cena-brock-lesnar-rusev/#comments Wed, 17 Sep 2014 15:00:49 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=169983 Seriously, you guys? I post a 10 Thoughts last week and get 63 comments and yet only one actually was input that I had asked for with the whole Top 10 thing with CM Punk WWE matches? You know what? Because of that, sideshowbob gets the prestigious “RAGER Fan of the Year” award. I hope you’re all proud of yourselves. Bob, I expect to see an acceptance speech in the comments or else I will take away your award and give it to myself for the 3rd year in a row. But due to personal reasons and just an overall crappy week, the top 10 thing CRA was working hasn’t happened yet so I’m still very much interested in everybody’s input.

Now let’s talk about some Night of Champions.

Roman Reigns vs Seth Rollins
So all indication is that Reigns is going to win. The indication I was given was the match being given away for free on Raw this past Monday and Reigns winning cleanly. Like, it’s one thing to give a PPV rematch away for free the next night on Raw (not that I’m a fan of that either) but this is a whole other thing. But I guess this one is gonna feature a Dean Ambrose return and interference and that makes it a little better, I suppose.

Chris Jericho vs Randy Orton
Let’s see: Jericho’s current run with WWE is just about to come to a close and Randy hasn’t seemed to win a PPV match since probably before WM30. You do the math (mostly because I refuse to ever do math ever again).

The Usos vs GoldStar
If you were able to perform miracles and completely cut off the commentary (yes, I get that there’s a mute button, shut your faces) and went strictly off of what these two teams have been doing the past couple weeks, I really could make the assumption that Usos are the heel team in this feud. Without any other verbal indicators, GoldStar is just a team that likes to play dress-up and feel passionate about their chances in the ring whereas the Usos want to just hit them from behind with crutches. I think it’s time to go ahead and end the Usos championship run.

Mark Henry vs Rusev
I’m really not expecting much out of this. Rusev worked enough miracles by getting some of us invested in a couple Jack Swagger matches but I’ll be damned if I’m ever enthralled by anything Mark Henry ever does again that isn’t him doing a fake retirement speech. This whole Rusev thing better end on a jet carrier and a bodyslam contest.

Paige vs AJ vs Nikki Bella
The exclusion of Brie in this match seems to telegraph the finish of this match a bit and that Brie will be provoked into costing Nikki the match some way. However, I do have this feeling that Nikki is gonna be on the winning end of shenanigans and this whole Bella twin abomination will absorb the championship just like one of the Bellas should’ve absorbed the other in the womb…I honestly don’t care which one at this point.

Dolph Ziggler vs Miz
Both guys have stunt doubles and on seemingly equal ground. Fingers crossed for Ziggler and this mid-level push he’s getting continues. I’m not asking for the moon, just not Zack Ryder status for Ziggler.

Sheamus vs Cesaro
Pretty much copy what I just said about Ziggler and put it her for Cesaro but with a little bit more emphasis because it seems like he needs it. I really believed Cesaro would be way higher up the ladder by now but I’ll settle for another US Championship run for Cesaro. I’m thinking maybe Cesaro embraces people cheering for him and steps in to challenge Rusev after Mark Henry inevitably fails. And Sheamus is doing a decent enough job to not occupy my TV too much, good job on that.

Brock Lesnar vs John Cena
This whole month, I’ve been asking myself if I would be okay with John Cena beating Lesnar at NoC. We got the big beat-down that we were hoping for from the man that bested the Wrestlemania streak but he has to be beaten at some point. Would I be okay with Cena doing that now? The answer is ultimately no but not because of any ill feelings towards Cena but more due to my desire to see Lesnar ride that monumental streak wave a lot longer. WWE deciding against going with a young up-and-comer to beat the streak so maybe it’s foolish of me to wish for a young up-and-comer to finally defeat the man that defeated the streak…but a man can dream. So I’m not gonna be too mad if Cena wins the championship Sunday, just a little disappointed.

I’m gonna end with a bit of a personal note but I swear I’m gonna spare you all the details and whatnot. This past week was possibly one of the worst I’ve ever experienced. We’re talking family issues, getting royally screwed over on a job that I desperately needed, more family issues and a few other things that I won’t even bother giving a vague description of. I’m not including details because a) I don’t exactly expect all of you to give a crap b) I’m not begging for a pity party and c) the shit’s personal. But the purpose of me bringing all of this up is that I found myself reading a lot of stuff on this fine website when I was in desperate need of a distraction. I’m talking about all the columns as well as comments and sure, I may disagree with a lot of you and vice versa but I just wanted to say thank you to all of you smug bastards for providing a distraction when I was just in a haze of crappy emotions.

But enough of that mushy garbage, go like Classy Ring Attire’s Facebook page.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: I just…I…can’t anymore.
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RAGER’S 10 Thoughts: WWE Raw 9.8.2014 (Roman Reigns, John Cena, Paul Heyman) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/09/10/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-9-8-2014-roman-reigns-john-cena-paul-heyman/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/09/10/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-9-8-2014-roman-reigns-john-cena-paul-heyman/#comments Wed, 10 Sep 2014 04:05:43 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=169833 1. Saying that they drove the whole “season premiere” thing into the ground is a severe understatement but if it’s true, their season finale sucked so much butt. And yeah, the premiere was a little better but only because I was given the illusion that everybody was trying. Seriously, what I’m getting from watching Monday Night War on the Network is that maybe Vince would kick creative into gear if they all pretended Monday Night Football was WCW. But this episode was a promising-ish start and I’m hoping they’ll actually try to compete with MNF this year but they’re already working from behind considering how terrible ratings have been (justifiably so) the last couple episodes.

2. Jericho vs Bray cage match was a great way to break the “let’s start every Raw with a talking segment” streak but I was afraid this was going to be the highlight of the show and nothing else would peak my interest. Thankfully that wasn’t the case but I’ll get to that later. Needless to say that Jericho easily got spot of the match with the jump from the top of the cage. Bray winning by simply falling out over Jericho was a bit odd but the beat down afterward was a solid way to write off Jericho believably as I’m assuming this is the end of his current run. It wasn’t a terrible ending but I would’ve liked to have seen something a bit stronger and more definitive for Bray after Cena essentially took the Wyatt Family’s legs out from under them a couple weeks ago.

3. I have nothing snarky to say about the Ziggler/Miz dopey photo leak segment because Ziggler is infallible and perfect in every way. All hail the almighty Ziggles and may all those that oppose you or speak ill of you fall swiftly at your feet.

Was that a bit much, guys? I can’t gauge this anymore.

4. Cena going toe-to-toe verbally with Heyman did more to restore Cena’s believeability as a credible threat to Brock Lesnar than those meaningless 6-man tag team matches. And yes, we all admire Cena for his charitable deeds but this is the second week in a row he brought that up to defend his point, soon it’s going to sound a bit holier than thou so maybe Cena should pump the brakes a bit on that. And yes, we get it, Cena. You REALLY love these rally towels. We don’t need have you show them off every single match/segment or your dim-witted alternate slogan that you’ve been regurgitating since forever. But all-in-all, good talking segment but being the stereotypical smark, I’m gonna give all the credit for this segment to Heyman.

5. Seriously, Sheamus, how do you botch taking a curb stomp? That’s right up there with Nash pedigree botch in 2011. Sheamus is very close to being forever dead to me.

6. The NXT Takeover tag match was brilliant and even though I wish they were given more time, everyone had their brief moment and I understand they have to save some of it for Takeover. Seriously, the best thing about the Network is that I’ve finally been able to get properly invested in NXT to the point where I was genuinely excited for all 4 guys in the match and the opportunity to be on the main show, even if it was briefly. All this does, however, is heighten my anticipation for Neville and Zayne to finally join the main roster for good.

7. So as I was watching Raw at my apartment with a few friends and this Bella twin segment was starting, I handed my keys over to a friend that was sitting next to me. I selected my car key because it was longer than the others and I told her that whenever I gave her the signal, I wanted her to stab me in the eye with it. As to exactly which eye, I let her pick; I figured it was the gentlemanly thing to do. The signal for her to do so was me saying “F*cking kill me now.” Around the time the videos of the parents were shown was when I finally broke and gave the signal but I’m afraid that I may have picked the wrong solution because I could still listen to the entire abomination. But that’s my fault, my friend was simply carrying out my wishes and that makes her a great person. By the way, due to my blindness, I’m just guessing at what keys I’m typing right now. So there’s your explanation if there’s any typos. And I know what you’re thinking: “Chris, your articles are riddled with typos every week, how is this different?” My answer to this is simple: Don’t question my kayfabe.

8. The Bunny is Fandango or Justin Gabriel. I have no idea who WWE will decide it will be whenever it’s revealed in like a month or so, but I’m saying right now, the guy in the suit is either the Dangle or Gabriel.

9. Yes, the Usos attacked GoldStar from behind with a crutch and yet are somehow not the heels in all this.

10. As I saw Seth Rollins jumping from the top of the cage, I couldn’t help but think “Chris Jericho invented that like 3 hours ago.” Also, we came pretty damn close to seeing Seth get impaled by those spike things on the bottom of the cage. Also, if you’re gonna hype a big rematch from Summerslam, you probably don’t want it to be the one boring match that was on that card. Literally any other rematch would’ve been completely fine.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

P.S. Classy Ring Attire is doing a big top 10 list for the best CM Punk WWE matches. Post any of your thoughts on this below and they will absolutely go into consideration.
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THE RAGER! The Trial of Roman Reigns http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/09/03/the-rager-the-trial-of-roman-reigns/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/09/03/the-rager-the-trial-of-roman-reigns/#comments Wed, 03 Sep 2014 15:00:29 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=169712 Here it is the first RAGER after my declaration that I will give a renewed effort to this whole writing articles thing and I’ve already flaked on any thought of doing a 10 Thoughts this week and I’m already struggling to come up with something to talk about. But I knew this was gonna be a struggle considering how lazy WWE decided to get after Summerslam. It’s like they all got together and patted themselves on the back for putting together their first decent PPV since WM30 and all agreed to just let the following shows write themselves because what do people want more of? That’s right, more spur-of-the-moment thrown together 6 man tag main events that aren’t indicative of anything afterwards.

I’d like to touch on something that I’ve alluded to a couple times in recent weeks: Roman Reigns. It seemed like just yesterday that we were all on-board with Roman in some fashion and in what seemed like a brief momentary blink of an eye, everyone has turned on the idea of him being the next guy. And before I go any further, if any of you have the stones to post a comment about how you’ve disliked Roman Reigns from the beginning all the way to now without any sort of tangible evidence to back up this claim, I will release the thorny doom of a thousand Nikki Bella acting classes for being a no-good liar. I say all of this because I distinctly remember getting REAMED by you jerks over a year ago just because I made the slightest suggestion that maybe Roman Reigns is the weaker link of the Shield. So excuse me if I laugh in your dumb little faces if you act like you never liked the guy. Not that I’m bitter about that still or anything.

But seriously, if you say that and don’t have any proof to back up the claim, I will find whatever tv show or movie that you’ve wanted to watch but haven’t gotten around to and I will spoil the balls off of it for you.

But I’ve spoken to a couple people that have shifted their opinion on Reigns as of late and it seems to be more due to WWE seemingly already trying to cut Roman into the John Cena-shaped cookie cutter. We’re seeing a shift of Roman doing good guy things because that’s what good guys do but never bothering to add any sort of substance. I’ve noticed a lot of people complaining that Roman is watering down his move-set lately which is the most concerning to me because Roman’s ring work is easily his greatest attribute at this point of his career but let’s really take a look at what we know about Roman’s ring work. Has it really been watered-down? This is a guy we’re very much use to seeing in somewhat short bursts because his entire WWE career to this point as almost been exclusively spent in tag matches. Maybe this IS his entire move-set right now, which is fine because he looks really good and crisp doing it.

I really think this is going to simply be a case of “too much too soon” in the sense of him needing more to time to develop his personality and character before the trigger is pulled on all of this. There’s a reason that Roman is the one that still has the Shield music and Shield tactical vest because what personality does he have beyond “the muscle of the Shield?” Sure, Roman is already starting to get booked like the new John Cena but I’d be more worried about him becoming the next Randy Orton personality-wise.

It’s still really early to pass judgement on Reigns just yet, the trigger hasn’t been pulled yet but that finger is about to squeeze it any day now and, who knows, Reigns just might pull this off and we’ll be invested in Reigns vs Brock at WM 31. I’m pulling for the guy because I enjoy watching the guy, even with the crappy booking lately, and I have a genuine interest in seeing all 3 Shield guys succeed and become the pillars of the new WWE era, whatever we decide to call it.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: Downloaded Madden 15 the very minute it was released, played a couple games. I went to bed, woke up and went for a run and then became 100% positive that a billion 12 year olds were already way better at this than I’ll ever be. I missed my window.
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The State of THE RAGER Address (John Cena, Roman Reigns, Daniel Bryan) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/27/the-state-of-the-rager-address-john-cena-roman-reigns-daniel-bryan/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/27/the-state-of-the-rager-address-john-cena-roman-reigns-daniel-bryan/#comments Wed, 27 Aug 2014 15:00:22 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=169549 Hey there, friends. I swear I’m done (for now) with starting every one of these with an apology about how I haven’t written one of these in a while. It’s been a sporadic summer here at RAGER and it’s been for a combination of things. First of all, I’ve been a lazy prick that’s been writing weekly about wrestling for over 3 years straight now and it’s way easier to just talk about my thoughts on wrestling on Classy Ring Attire than it is for me to struggle to concentrate long enough to type them all out. But then I remember the tiny detail that I’m a writer, first and foremost, and it’s a muscle that should be constantly exercised because god knows it’s the only exercising that does me any good. Secondly, a big part of RAGER consists of my thoughts on the current week’s edition of Raw but doing 10 Thoughts is my vehicle for such things these days. And finally, and this is the major one, CM Punk made this whole thing a lot more interesting to talk about back in 2011 and then it carried into Daniel Bryan. Notice that I started losing interest the more it became clear that CM Punk wasn’t coming back anytime soon or at all and then I started skipping RAGERs all together once Bryan left with his injury.

I don’t wanna bury the current WWE talent because from top to bottom, this might be the most talented roster they’ve ever had, NXT roster included. The problem right now is that the writing/booking hasn’t quite caught up yet. Instead of talented Divas like Paige, AJ, and Natalya getting longer ring time, we get goated into watching the Bella twins take a giant acting twosie all over the ring and roll around in it when all we wanted was more Stephanie.

I’ll give WWE credit for what makes sense right now. Yeah, I’m not thrilled that they’re leaning so heavily on a part-timer that gave up on them 12 years ago but Brock is a huge name and he’s the one they decided to go with breaking the streak and so he needs to be unstoppable even against Cena. I’m just scared WWE is just gonna retreat and have Cena finally overcome the odds (again) and beat Lesnar at NoC or soon thereafter or, even worse, have Lesnar lose to another part-timer at WM31. I swear, if the streak breaker gets pinned after a damn People’s Elbow, I will punch my roommate Ed harder than I normally do. Ideally Brock gets pinned at Mania by one of the former Shield members. Obviously Roman is the one currently being bred for such a thing but any member could do it and it would be golden.

Ultimately, this is just to say that I’ve had my sort-of vacation this summer and I am now going to invigorate my weekly efforts to grind out both this and 10 Thoughts and I have each and every one of you to hold me accountable. Like, for real, I want you all to be as harsh as necessary if I start to slack off. And I say all this in an article that’s not really saying anything because I couldn’t think of anything decent to write about. The irony isn’t lost on me but it should at least show you that I’m back and I’m gonna do what I can.

In the meantime, if there’s a certain subject you’d like to see me tackle one week, let me know and I will speak on it with absolute authority regardless of if I know what I’m talking about or not. That’s THE RAGER guarantee. I’ll see you all next Wednesday.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: I’d download that new card game app WWE put out but I don’t feel like playing Magic: The Wrestling.
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RAGER’S 10 Thoughts: WWE Raw 8.25.14 (John Cena, Romen Reigns, Jack Swagger) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/26/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-8-25-14-john-cena-romen-reigns-jack-swagger/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/26/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-8-25-14-john-cena-romen-reigns-jack-swagger/#comments Tue, 26 Aug 2014 21:32:05 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=169525 1. What happens when a pre-show panel has a drunken hook-up with a cheesy “never give up” Cena promo? The opening of Raw this week. Sure, it was great to see HBK but if he’s gonna come on the show where hunting clothing, I’d rather he grow that sweet hobo beard back. I do find it ironic that Michaels was the one saying Cena should consider hanging it up while he has his heath whereas Hulk was encouraging Cena to keep going as long as possible…while Ric Flair deserves kudos for sounding mostly sober and not marrying and divorcing someone in the time span of this segment. All kidding aside, this opening segment set the tone for the rest of this raw episode and that tone was “worthless.”

2. Yet another non-ending ending to a Rusev/Swagger match which really makes me wonder WWE is building this towards and what they think the outcome is gonna be. Conventional wisdom would be that it would all come to a head at Summerslam but they tried the whole Austin/Hart that definitely did not have any sort of finality about it, I’m assuming by design, and to make it all worse, Rusev/Swagger aren’t even in the same galaxy as Austin/Hart. WWE seems set on trying to make this a big deal so I wouldn’t be surprised if this lasted until Survivor Series or if WWE really felt ballsy, send Swagger on a road to redemption and Rusev continue his destruction through the roster until the two meet at WM31. I’m not saying I want this to happen but talk about a slow burn.

3. I have a guarded hopeful feeling about Cesaro and the US Championship, the same as I felt when Dolph started going for the IC belt. I’m happy if Cesaro wins it but it’s a belt he’s already won and did nothing with. However, it’s still an improvement from being lost in the shuffle which he seemed to be doing in recent weeks. All that aside, thank you Cesaro for the wonderful gift of this image.

4. Yeah, I don’t know where this AJ/Paige this is going but I know where I’d like it to go…

Okay, I apologize. That statement sounded creepy even for me.

Not like I’m gonna delete it or anything.

5. I know this joke was passed around on twitter quite a bit when it happened but during the eulogy, it wouldn’t surprise me if Dean Ambrose really did pop out of that picture on the easel. And congrats to Roman for finally remembering he was in Shield now instead of when Dean’s head went through cinder blocks last week. Or at least I assume his head went through cinder blocks. Camera angles and whatnot. It did break rather easily and I was raised to believe only dudes armed with jacked-up muscles and the power of Jesus had the ability to do such things, so sayeth Walker Texas Ranger.

6. GoldStar turned heel and now I’m salivating because Cody and Goldust were both really good heels so I can’t imagine how they’ll do with this whole Stardust thing.

7. So WWE decides to cancel the idea of having a stable of Xavier Woods, Kofi and Big E in a stable but this whole Brie and Nikki crime against humanity is allowed to live another day? This entire weak attempt at acting and shameful display of writing needs to be cleansed with fire.

8. Good to see both Matadores are back and healthy. Primo and Epico are a great tag team that I really enjoy and if this horrible gimmick gets them more camera time and more matches that I get to see, I’ll take it. At least they’re not saddled with Rosa Mendes anymore with her horrible ability to weakly grasp the Spanish language and even worse attempt of dancing. But hey, at least you’ll get to see her blurry ta-tas on the next season of Total Divas.

9. It’s sad to see Kofi lose to Bo Dallas for seemingly no reason. It’s even sadder to see him get pinned after this.

10. 6 man tag main event that involve Big Show, Mark Henry, Cena and the burial of the Wyatt family just to show that Super Cena still exists? I’d almost rather watch that Chrisly abomination.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris
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THE RAGER! 50 Classy and Trashy Thoughts: Summerslam 2014 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/20/the-rager-50-classy-and-trashy-thoughts-summerslam-2014/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/20/the-rager-50-classy-and-trashy-thoughts-summerslam-2014/#comments Wed, 20 Aug 2014 15:00:21 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=169217 Welcome, friends.
It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything and I feel like I start most of my columns this way now. However, you couldn’t possibly expect me stay away after this year’s Summerslam, right? And I brought some friends with me. That’s right, all the hosts of Classy and Trashy Ring Attires have made the long trip and even BD’s offspring came along. Yes, PUSSBOT, the WWE-programmed talking Roomba has been let out of it’s cage just so that it can share it’s Summerslam thoughts. Don’t blame me for letting it out of the cage, blame BD and that drunken Canadian night he had with the business end of a vacuum hose (if anything, I hope this article creates and perpetuates a new stereotype that Canadians all do the nasty with vacuums).
Anyway, the rules of this were each person/bot came up with their 10 thoughts independently of each other and weren’t allowed to to see the thoughts of others until the posting of this article.

Buckle up, friends, it’s gonna be a long one.

Kue’s Thoughts…or Kue’s Rekall, if you will (bring it back, already!)
1. I’m glad I’m being rewarded for my getting the Network for $9.99 by an opening promo of Hogan telling me about how I should be getting the Network for $9.99. Thank you for that kick in the balls, Hogan.

2. Given it wasn’t a bad match, I’m not sure what there is to gain from Ziggler winning a second tier title over the Miz, who is portraying a new character. Isn’t that the opposite of pushing a new concept? Either way, not horrible for a space filler.

3. And here is the Divas title match that everyone and their mother will claim is saving the Divas division, though, in truth, is oozing in mediocrity.

4. The only thing memorable about this flag match is the fact that, during the match, X-Pac tweeted “Sell the ankle more Rusev”. A mid-carder from the Attitude Era coaching via Twitter is almost as hilarious as a Jack Swagger face push. And they managed to cram all of it into this match.

5. Ambrose and Rollins was, of course, entertaining as hell. The lumberjacks took away from this match more than it seemed to add. But honestly, I’m not complaining. I’m happy with these two in the ring regardless of the stipulation, but…

6. …the match of the night definitely belongs to Bray and Jericho. From beginning to end, this match had the crowd invested. Dramatic, psychological, and technical enough without losing any flare. And that Sister Abigail on the barricade looks sick. I’m almost inclined to say Wyatt should be the one to get the ‘Mania 31 WWEWHC title win over Lesnar. We’ll see if that opinion changes down the road.

7. And here is the Divas match that actually is the more entertaining. Steph obviously has been prepping for this match. And to be honest, I think I’ve enjoyed this more than any other Divas match this year so far.

8. Reigns/Orton was less boring than I anticipated it to be. I still don’t think the crowd is as behind Reigns as they are Ambrose or Wyatt. Hopefully, they can put him in a more interesting feud after this. God knows he needs one.

9. I rarely say this, but I don’t think Cena/Lesnar could have gone any more perfectly than it did. It was exactly what it needed to be. And you can bet whoever goes over Lesnar will be getting the biggest goddamn pop of the year.

10. Overall, a very solid PPV. But Brock, I barely saw blood, and no urine or vomit either. Vince, I want my $9.99 back. Take it out of Del Rio’s salary.

BD’s Thoughts…I’m sure he’ll use your comments for a new column sometime soon.
01) Anyone else catch the sponsor? We are truly living in the golden age of RIDICULOUSLY specific potato chips. I saw Cinnamon Bun flavoured Lay’s the other day. I have a theory that the guy at Lay’s who runs R & D is an alcoholic that’s just drunk all day long and everyone’s afraid to say something about it. After all, he can quit anytime he wants! Now here, try these – Diet Caffeine-Free Cool Ranch Dorito-flavoured hickory-smoked EXTREME Mountain Dew: Code Deep Cyan.

02) Right. The actual PPV. So, what is it that people were impressed with on this Stephanie / Bella thing exactly? Was it the horrible acting, that both only have jobs due to who they’re related to, that they’re both horrible in the ring, or was it that it ended on a “swerve” is going to result in an even worse feud and storyline where they only way you’ll be able to tell the girls apart is their tit size? Because I saw a headline that said “Stephanie McMahon steals the show”. Well, I watched this whole thing against my better judgement, so how the fuck did that happen, exactly?
Go ahead. I’ll wait.

03) Exactly. It didn’t. Are standards so low now that people will forgive a horrible storyline, nepotism, bad acting and a terrible match just to see Stephanie McMahon beat up? No offence to Steph, because she does do a very good job of being hated, and is very good at receiving Joan Rivers-levels of plastic surgery and looking like she wants to physically bore a hole through the audience with her eyes. But that doesn’t mean I need half an hour from her on a PPV. Guys. Seriously. Please. This was a bad match and feud that ended with one twin turning on the other. We are literally about to have an “evil twin” storyline. Drill me a new ass channel before I’m going to watch the Bellas fight each other.

04) Randy / Roman was better than I thought it’d be. Orton gets my blood pressure to where it’d be if I played Deer Hunter, but Roman is cool. I just didn’t have high hopes for this, but my pessimism was misplaced. Didn’t set the world on fire or anything, but was decent enough for sure.

05) I’ve said it a few times in comments and on the podcast, but Jack Swagger? Fucking really, people? How does this anti-American gimmick keep catching on in the US? It’s like every time we see a spider, we gotta tent the whole house. I’d actually kind of rather the fake Russian dude be able to speak freely than have the Tea Party dude succeed in getting him deported for it. Actually, I don’t give a fuck if this fake Russian dude has a bomb IN the arena. I’ll take my chances with the blast before I watch a Jack Swagger singles run. I bought milk before his last singles run that was still good by the time he flopped. It’s true. I’ll show you the carton. Oh yeah – the match – it was shit.

06) So like… I get that you wanted Cesaro to win. I did too. I get that you want Cesaro higher up the card. I do too. But at least it was a decent match he had with RVD, and why all the hubris over RVD winning? RVD is about 50% as good as he once was, which still makes him 900% better than The Miz.

07) Speaking of… did not see the Ziggler win coming, which was nice. I still think it’s kinda weird to be THIS excited about the dude winning the IC belt from a guy like The Miz given where Zig was a year ago, but still cool. If this whole Miz thing was designed to give Ziggler a rightful yet unexpected win, then fair enough – this is about as useful as he’ll ever be. If he’s going to get the belt back or ascend to fighting with Ambrose or something, let me know and I’ll have someone give him cat AIDS.

08) Ambrose / Rollins was an incredibly good match… especially given the lumberjack stip. Was not expecting that. I suppose if anyone could have pulled it off, it was these two. Just tremendous. Both guys are just doing awesome work right now. I do hope we get a couple straight one-on-one’s out of them before either go anywhere else, but at the very least let’s not waste Ambrose just because he lost. The crowd reaction he got for just springing back and hitting Rollins with a clothesline alone is bigger than most guys get anytime in their career… like, for example, a lot of guys and girls featured on this same card. Go ahead, try to guess which ones!

09) Only one person commented that Shaemus missed this PPV. This means my experiment to replace him with a bag of Folgers Crystals yielded almost the exact results I thought it would.

10) At least Ebola is making a comeback and not Cody Rhodes. He didn’t get on the PPV either.

P.U.S.S.BOT aka BD’s abomination of both man and machine
1. What the heck, Chris? No Sheamus? Remember the good ole days of SummerSlam when Sheamus fought Mark Henry in that five-star classic? And now we can’t even get the BROGUE on the show?! What is that, Chris? I’ll tell you what it is. It’s a travesty. A Irish-hating travesty. BROGUE BROGUE BROGUE

2. The main event was on first! The MIZZZZZ! He’s back and more vicious than ever! Did you see that Skull Crushing Finale?! I don’t know how Dolph kicked out. Must be all of those steroids. Then he scammed The Awesome One out of the Intercontinental Championship. Although it was the best match of the night by far. Mainly due to a severe lack of Sheamus. BROGUE BROGUE BROGUE

3. Why does anyone care about this Bray Wyatt guy? He’s just a knock-off Undertaker that DOESN’T have an undefeated WrestleMania streak thanks to my boi John Cena! He fought Johnny boy and couldn’t beat him. Then he fought the dinosaur Jericho and couldn’t beat him. Why should we care that he beat Jericho at SummerSlam when he lost to him last month? Although we should have more fireside chats with Bray except next time with someone more talented than Jericho. Like Sheamus! BROGUE BROGUE BROGUE!

4. Although I would’ve like to have seen a normal flag match, this match was alright. I just wish Jack Swagger would’ve won this one. Everyone remember when Jack Swagger ran around with an Eagle Mascot? That was awesome! He needs to bring it back! Although I think Ireland should’ve been represented in this match so Sheamus could’ve kicked Rusev and his ugly manager in the FACE. I actually was made in Ireland. I bet you didn’t know that! BROGUE BROGUE BROGUE!

5. Remember when the Divas Division was relevant? I miss those days. We used to have Kelly Kelly, Jillian Hall, and Candice Michelle!!! Do you remember those days, Joel? But now we have an English blinding-me-with-her-skin diva and Miss Skips a lot. Actually they’re both skipping now. Ew. Give me a Kelly Kelly/Mickie James classic any day over this garbage. The only thing that could’ve made this match better would’ve been to have Sheamus be the referee. BROGUE BROGUE BROGUE!

6. I love lumberjack matches because we get to see all of the talented wrestlers that are not given time on air like Fandango and Rybaxel. However, this one we had Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins attacking the lumberjacks. Evidently, they don’t know how this match works! In Shield matches, the wrestlers jump the lumberjacks! Still why wasn’t Sheamus a lumberjack?! He would’ve been there to make them act accordingly with just one kick! BROGUE BROGUE BROGUE!

7. Then we had another great match! Roman Reigns. Randy Orton. It should’ve been the main event! IT WAS EPIC! The way Orton caught Reigns’ spear! The big superplex! The RKO that Reigns kicked out of! Who does that?! Then wham! A Spear to end Randy! What a great match-up and there’s only thing that would’ve made it better. But I’m sure you know what that is by now… Mark Henry! ‘Somebody’s gonna get their ass kicked.’

8. I think Roman Reigns needs just another number to talk about how awesome he is. He’s easily the biggest breakout superstar since my boy Bad News Barrett. Hopefully we will come back soon. Maybe we can have an Elimination Chamber match at Elimination Chamber involving Roman Reigns, Jack Swagger, The Miz, BAWD NEWS BARRETT, Sheamus, and John Cena! Have Mark Henry be the special guest referee! Then have Sheamus win so he can defend the WWE World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania! BROGUE BROGUE BROGUE

9. The main event was a great match-up with Brock Lesnar unleashing a wide arsenal of moves including F-5s, German Suplexes, and… and…. punches! Plus how can you forget that way in which Brock sat up like Undertaker and mocked him! Screw the deadman! He’s older than dirt. No one wants to see him anymore thanks to Brock Lesnar. I applaud you sir. But you’re no Sheamus. BROGUE BROGUE BROGUE

10. Altogether it was a meh PPV as any PPV without Sheamus is at most meh. Who knows, maybe we’ll get a team involving Sheamus, The Miz, Bad News Barrett, and Jack Swagger. Call them the Bad News Crew. That’d be AWESOME! Now back to your regularly scheduled programming with Mr. Sanders and Mr. Leonard! Well after your daily dosage of… BROGUE BROGUE BROGUE!

Joel’s Thoughts: that’s right, folks, he still exists in written form
1. In my usual desperate attempt to view everything as the start of an amazing Dolph Ziggler push, I have chosen to view the outcome of his match as thus: Because Brock Lesnar is now champion, but won’t be competing on the same schedule that previous champion Cena was competing on, this hopefully means that the IC title will now be the most commonly viewed title on Raw. And that will happen during the time that it is around the waist of Ziggler. So basically, Ziggler is holding the biggest title on Raw now, right?

2. I’ve been waiting for the inevitable Bella v. Bella storyline since that time where they were competing over what may or may not have been Daniel Bryan’s virginity. (Anybody remember that thing where Gail Kim won the feud?) But now seems like an odd time to implement that. It’s not like the Brie vs. Steph feud has gotten stale yet, and this whole Daniel Bryan infidelity thing just added more to that for Brie to deal with. This was the best time to do a Bella twin fight?

3. Are Kane and Goldust going to fight? Kane and Goldust should fight.

4. Damien Sandow was not a part of any feud, was in no match, and didn’t even have a usual promo bit, but that did not stop the costume thing from happening. I’m still undecided on this whole gimmick so you can feel free to persuade me in whichever direction you prefer, but now matter how you feel, I think we should all be impressed that even just to stand beside the ring in a lumberjack match, Sandow was dressed as an actual lumberjack.

5. Jericho lost cleanly putting over the younger talent. That whole “Jericho winning a match” thing that happened last month was confusing. This is more of what we expect out of Jericho.

6. Lets talk for a minute about replays. At the end of the Miz and Ziggler match, Miz sold that finisher pretty well, especially for Miz. I wanted to see that happen again, and look they showed me a replay of the most devastating move of the match. What missed from the live feed during that time was Ziggler cheering. That was a good use of replay. In the middle of the Brock and Cena match another replay was used. Only this time they missed Brock’s nod to the Undertaker as he sat up. This was a bad use of replays. I know that there is a risk of missing something cool while showing a replay, but you guys, the sport is scripted. Brock offered a subtle nod to his Taker match (and subtly is a rare commodity with Brock) and we all missed it because WWE had to go all replay happy.

7. Every title that was being defended at the event changed hands. When’s the last time that’s happened?

8. So we know that John Cena is going to have his rematch at Night of Champions. And Cena might even win the titles back that night because we can’t have Brock as champion working the schedule that he works. But there is something unique about that upcoming match, thanks to this one. Because of SummerSlam, John Cena actually feels like the underdog rather than the commentators just telling me that he’s the underdog. I can’t even remember the last time that Cena as referred to as the underdog where my eyes didn’t instantly roll.

9. And just to add to that, starting the match out with an F5 was a perfect bit. For the rest of the match, when Cena was too slow, too worn out, couldn’t get on the offensive, it could all be traced back to the fact that he had to kick out of a finisher from the very start.

10. I need to freak out for one quick second here because this was the Brock that I wanted to see. Not the “I have to fight Triple H three times” Brock Lesnar. Not the “I’m breaking everybody’s arm” Brock Lesnar. Not even the “Streak Breaking” Brock Lesnar. No, when it was first announced that Lesnar would be returning to WWE my first thought was about how I could not wait to watch what I remembered to be an unstoppable beast completely and utterly destroy John Cena. And that is what I got to see at SummerSlam. Good job. I give it 9.99/10.

Sanders’ Thoughts
1. It always feels weird for me to actually like a match Miz was involved in because I’ve been conditioned to just naturally hate any match Miz is involved in. But I enjoyed this match a lot and it was partially because of Miz so I will give him his credit. However, Dolph Ziggler, you guys. I mean, c’mon.

2. The Paige and AJ match was a lot better than last month’s match and was a lot closer to what we anticipated when this feud started. I know everyone has been harping on the Charlotte/Natalya match from Takeover but thing that I’ve noticed myself after watching it is that I now expect a lot more out of Divas matches and I think that’s a justifiable position to take. It’s the new standard for WWE Divas matches and sure, a lot of Divas don’t have the talent or experience to pull off a match like that but it should be what they’re striving for. And a big problem with a lot of this is that I think some of these Divas, AJ and Paige included, can absolutely pull of a high caliber match like that if they were just given the time. Had this happened before Takeover, I’d say this Paige and AJ match was the best Divas match in recent memory.

3. Okay, that wasn’t a Flag Match as it was billed, that was a “National Pride Match.” Also, Rusev is doing Swagger a great service by selling that hard for him because nobody actually takes Swagger and his Swaggie Time Ankle Lock seriously. Kicking Zeb at the flag was being put in place was a great heel move too. Seriously, this is Swagger’s one chance to get over and then, who knows, he’ll be around for decades to come as the new Hacksaw.

4. I never thought I’d see the day in which I actually enjoy a Lumberjack match. First of all, you had Sandow dressed as an actual lumberjack so what more do you need? And yeah, there was your typical lumberjack chaos but it was set up by Rollins and Ambrose to actually make sense. Just a super fun match that almost had me clamoring for a Goldust/Kane feud for like half a second.

5. This whole Mama’s Boy nonsense is basically a super silly Tough Enough with just one twig and 100% less Stone Cold. Now if Mama’s Boy had Stone Cold verbally rip him a new one at the end of all these videos, counts me up. However, until that happens, 0/10 would not recommend.

6. Bray vs Jericho really made me feel like they were holding back at Battleground and why wouldn’t you? It’s Battleground and WWE has our $9.99 already. But I liked this match a lot more and reminded me why I like watching Bray in the ring. And Jericho is Jericho, he’ll find a way to deliver regardless of if he has or hasn’t lost a step.

7. And let me just throw this out there, for some reason I was listening to Chris Jericho’s podcast last Friday. And no this doesn’t have anything to do with Summerslam but it’s my article and you all can politely go suck it. But firstly, just because you’re a well spoken former or part-time wrestler doesn’t necessarily mean that you should have a podcast. Don’t get me wrong, being a podcaster myself, I’m a little bit biased when it comes to the wrestling podcast scene being this insanely flooded right now so let’s just get that out of the way. I don’t even know why I was listening to Talk is Jericho because the opening 15-20 minutes is plugging ads, shameless plugging of Fozzy and him going into an absurdly long acapella version of whatever song he could think of that has a cowbell in it (sure it was a funny bit the first 5 times but it’s getting to be a bit much and we’re just ready for the meat of the show). But after all that, Jericho took calls from fans which always drives me insane because they tend to sound like they’re using rotary phones and then ask idiotic questions. And just then, Jericho gets a call from Bray Wyatt in character and then the two take this opportunity to cut promos on each other. It’s odd because Jericho is rarely in character on the show and wrestler guests are never in character when they come on. So we have this awkward serious scripted bit in the middle of “the pod of thunder and rock and roll” and then it just awkwardly ends and Jericho is riding the struggle bus all the way to an ad read. See, Colt Cabana really got it right in Art of Wrestling, he takes care of all the plugs and ad reads at the top of the show, gets them out of the way and doesn’t awkwardly edits another ad read in the middle of the interview. In the wrestling podcast world, Colt is god and flawless while Steve Austin is alright in most occasions and Jericho is just bad on most occasions. I haven’t heard JR’s podcast but I’ve read nothing but terrible reviews of it. And I know this can be seen as me just looking down my nose at these far more popular podcasts and poke holes all over the place but I really needed to get all that out. How many of you have I lost?

8. Honestly, with the way Stephanie looked in the ring, had someone said they were gonna do a finish in which Stephanie pinned Brie clean, I would’ve completely believed it and almost would’ve preferred that to the parade of shenanigans that we got. Seriously, it wasn’t 5 stars or a completely polished match but it was miles and miles beyond what I was expecting out of Steph going in. And the Nikki swerve was predicted by many a few weeks ago and felt pretty inevitable so we might as well get it over with. The Bellas’ acting is like you took two cardboard cutouts of “generic soap opera stars A and B,” tape mics to them and put them in the ring for 20 minutes. We really can just sweep this whole story under the rug and make Night of Champions be a triple threat between AJ, Paige and Stephanie.

9. Roman and Randy was fine. It was slow and felt way too long but that’s just about any Randy Orton match the last few years. It’s just hard to care about a match when it’s obvious that Randy doesn’t seem to care himself. But then the last few minutes were pretty damn entertaining and I really dug the RKO Randy caught Roman with. It’s just really interesting how a year ago, I slipped and called Roman “the closest thing Shield has to a weak link” and was rightfully shat on by just about every commenter for it and now it seems like most people are giving him the Cena treatment and just hating the guy. I would like some sort of explanation, please, because I still enjoy the hell out of him as a singles competitor and could watch the guy all day in the ring. Has he limited his move set to his best hits lately? Possibly but still, that spear is still impressive. But now the internet dislikes the guy now that he’s climbing the ranks when I thought this was something we all agreed to be okay with this. Is it like a hipster thing? Is he too mainstream for us to like now? Discuss!

10. Brock vs Cena was exactly what it needed to be. Just about as close to a squash match as possible. Personally, I would’ve liked to have seen Cena get pinned about 5-10 minutes into the match just to really shock everyone. However, Cena doing his never giving up thing makes sense but so does Brock constantly swatting him back down time after time. They made the defeater of the streak look insurmountable and now I’m starting to come around to the thought that maybe Brock really was the right person to break the streak. How they decide to work around Brock’s limited schedule, I have no idea but maybe this is the time where we relax on the whole “the title must be defended every 30 days” thing and make the main story focus on wrestlers trying to deem themselves worthy to face Brock for the championship at Survivor Series or Rumble. Whatever they decide to do, I don’t think Brock is gonna be cashed-in on at all. I don’t even think they’ll tease it.

Thanks to all these wonderful gents/bot for collaborating with me on this. Remember you can find both Trashy Ring Attire and Classy Ring Attire on iTunes for the incredibly low cost of $9.9…free, I meant free. I’m sorry.
And all of us have twitter accounts you should follow but the two I’m actually requiring you all to go and follow is @CRAttire and @TRAttire. Do it and all your dreams will come true…if all your dreams are snide but short posts about WWE. So follow us and then go find a life coach to get better dreams.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: I’ve come to the conclusion that Iphone autocorrect is a passive aggressive asshole. I type in something but it’s spelled wrong but instead of changing to the right spelling, it leaves it as is with the red squiggly line. So I delete and try again, typing the word correctly but iPhone is like “he’s a dumbass and clearly this is how dumbasses spell that word.” So it autocorrects the correct spelling for the screwed up spelling that I had before…but with the red squiggly line to make sure I knew that it’s wrong and I was an idiot that one time I didn’t know how to spell “guarantee.”
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THE RAGER! – The Paul Heyman Episode http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/06/the-rager-the-paul-heyman-episode/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/06/the-rager-the-paul-heyman-episode/#comments Wed, 06 Aug 2014 15:00:42 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=168577 So it’s 1am and it’s that moment when my contacts are all screwy, my vision is blurry and I’m too lazy to take them out, and I really should be getting some sleep. However, I felt the guilt of not posting on Pulse Wrestling in a while and figured that since I’ve done my own review of WWE’s big documentary releases over the past couple of years that I might as well do one for the new Paul Heyman DVD. And no, I don’t really feel the urge to write out my 10 Thoughts for Raw this week because not enough seemed to have happened to where I feel compelled to do so. Besides, Raw gets such a wide coverage on this site from a variety of great and capable writers that 1 more added voice doesn’t really matter all that much anyway (I’ve been in a very “meh, what’s the point in all this anyway” mood lately, if you couldn’t tell).

So really my only complaint about this is that it’s limited to a movie-friendly length of time and that limits the amount of detail that some of Heyman’s stories require and a lot of stories got glossed over with a short one-line mention, if that. The one that sticks out was they built up when Paul was getting fired as Head Writer of Smackdown and Paul mentioned that there was a falling out and there was an incident between he and Vince on a plane and then there was nothing beyond that. Sure, Paul did explain that he could not give out details to certain stories due to legal issues involved so possibly that could explain or Paul just didn’t want to poke the proverbial bear too much further especially when he currently is enjoyed a successful business relationship with said bear. And maybe the plane incident is a story in which the details are well known by everybody but me however even if I did know the details of said story, I still would’ve liked to hear Paul’s side of it.

But speaking of Paul’s side of the story, I found it really interesting to hear his side of the long-rumored financial relationship that Heyman/ECW had with Vince/WWE in the late 90s. In a way Paul didn’t completely discredit the way it’s been explained over the years but he did specify that it was money being exchanged from one corporation to another due to reimbursement for certain advertising that was linked to a specific wrestler that made the move over to WWF and said money was never given to Heyman individually. And sure, that’s Heyman’s side of the story and you can take that with however much salt you want to but still, it was good to get Heyman’s side of it.

I found it interesting that the point being driven during this documentary was that Paul Heyman has always had such a great eye for talent but while I saw people like Stephanie McMahon giving him that type of praise, I kept thinking back to Punk’s doc in 2012 and distinctly remembering Michael P.S. Hayes kinda burying Paul for overhyping talent to making people think they’re better than they actually were. But then again, at the point of shooting the Punk doc, Heyman had either recently rejoined the company or hadn’t rejoined just yet and that makes all the difference when it comes to these documentaries. I mean just look at the turnaround with Ultimate Warrior, WWE released a DVD basically just to crap on Warrior and then you fast forward to 2013-2014 and they went into full hero worship mode for the video game and the Hall of Fame. I wouldn’t say time makes cowards of us all but time sure does make us do weird stuff we’d never thought we would do.

Also, it got a chuckle out of me at the moment Punk mentioned in the Heyman doc that he “wouldn’t still be here” if it weren’t for Paul Heyman coming back. And that’s another thing I would’ve like to see more of, a better explanation of what those conversations were like between (I’m assuming) Heyman and HHH and what was said that finally convinced (beyond getting to work with Brock again) Paul to agree with it.

The biggest thing I took away from this documentary was that WWE needs Paul in a mentoring position for their young talent. Sure, he’s had such success with having creative control but that was always met with some sort of collision and yes, he’s had a tremendous amount of success as an on-screen character. However, the impression that I got from all of this is that his biggest asset to professional wrestling is his ability to harvest talent and motivate them with his own brand of enthusiasm that’s fueled by his fandom of professional wrestling. At the very least, if Heyman ever retires his on-screen persona, WWE would be wise to at least keep him as some sort of developmental consultant. Ideally, if the scenario ever happens that HHH and Stephanie takes full control over the company, I would tap Heyman to oversee all things NXT. But all in all, it was good to see the man behind the persona and the man behind all the rumors and folklore that’s been built and broadly covered by wrestling fans for decades. Would I have liked more insight and more details? Sure but you can only fit so much in a 2 hour span.

These are all my initial thoughts as I have literally just finished watching the documentary for the first time. I’m sure I’ll have better-formed thoughts on a 2nd viewing but for now…you’re welcome

If you’ve made to this point of my semi-conscious babbling, you’re a brave soul that deserves way more than I can give you…just like all the women that I’ve dated.

Don’t do anything I would do twice,
Chris

The Answer: According the Raw this week, the most offensive part of the word “bitch” is apparently the “ch” sound.

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THE RAGER! A Super Early Summerslam Kickoff Show (Roman Reigns, Bray Wyatt, John Cena) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/07/23/the-rager-a-super-early-summerslam-kickoff-show-roman-reigns-bray-wyatt-john-cena/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/07/23/the-rager-a-super-early-summerslam-kickoff-show-roman-reigns-bray-wyatt-john-cena/#comments Wed, 23 Jul 2014 15:00:53 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=168364 Missed me? Yeah, me neither. Let’s just jump into it and get this over with, yes?

Kick-Off

Fandango vs Adam Rose
Apparently Rose doesn’t share Fandango’s enthusiasm for triangles…he’s probably more of an octagon fan.

Cameron vs Naomi
They couldn’t have just buried this match on Smackdown where no one would ever see it?

BATTLEGROUND

Usos vs Wyatts
A 2 out of 3 falls is a good way to end a feud and this feud has kind of suffered from too much of a good thing. Their matches have been fun to watch but the market has been flooded with it since they first faced off. I would’ve liked for the Wyatts to have actually won the tag championships at one point, especially with a face team like GoldStar waiting in the wings. Also, let me go ahead and say something that may get some negative feedback: I can’t stand Eric Rowan. I don’t know what it is but every time he’s tagged in, I find myself wandering on my laptop until Harper comes back in. The head-fisting thing he does is the dumbest thing I’ve seen since the camel-clutch/accolade.
Good match, let’s move on already.

John Gruden was spotted behind the commentators, does the guy ever go out in public without wearing some sort of visor?

AJ vs Paige
Aside from a botch or two from Paige, it was a fun match to watch. It wasn’t the masterpiece of Natalya vs Charlotte but that feels like an impossible high bar most Divas matches will never come close to.

Rusev vs Jack Swagger
Apparently this feud was cancelled after Lana’s rant which is weird because this is the first time something was broken or ruined and it wasn’t Swagger’s fault. It’s a shame too because this is the most over Swagger has ever been and probably ever will be. I also want to point out the trainer tending to Jack Swagger’s “head injury” by shaking Jack’s head. His medical school must’ve been online.

Dean Ambrose vs Seth Rollins
Okay so the match itself never happened but I had to title this segment something. I really love the video package, I just wished it was saved for whenever their actual match happened. This segment was the biggest and best example of this being an unnecessary in-between pay per view for Summer Slam. As much as I love these two, we need more meat in this story and not just one guy jumping the other every week.

Chris Jericho vs Bray Wyatt
Wasn’t completely impressed with this match. It was slow and felt mostly one-sided until Jericho pulled off the miracle win at the end. Maybe it was because I was expecting too much and built it up to an impossible extent in my head or everyone realized it was Battleground and decided they didn’t actually give a crap. It’s funny that Lawler is still mesmerized by Bray’s spider walk, you don’t have to be possessed to do it, just do some DDP yoga a few times a week.

The most shocking thing about all this is that Jericho actually won a match this soon after returning.

IC Battle Royal
Clearly WWE has found a winning formula when it comes to battle royals but they really need to pace themselves because Kofi is going to eventually run out of ideas. I would still like periodical check-ins with Bad News Barrett, seeing as how he did kinda get over by just talking…even if his promo got extremely real extremely quick. Would’ve been nice if Ziggler got the win just because it would sort of assure that we would have something to do in the near future. I guess it makes sense for Miz to win, help put over the new version of his character and give him more incentive to wake up super early and do crappy radio promotions that no one else in the company wants to do.

John Cena vs Kane vs Randy Orton vs Roman Reigns
A whole lot of “meh” in this match other than the Roman Reigns highlight show. Honestly, it was a fine main event and would’ve been a lot better if we didn’t get the exact same Cena finish that we got last month at MitB. He hit Orton with an AA on-top of Kane, the only difference is Cena had to actually pin someone this time. I get that Cena was going to win this, I’ve come to terms with it, but at least mix up a little bit. Even if they’re not going to mix it up, at least take a break from being lazy long enough to come up with a finish that isn’t the exact same as the previous PPV. If Cena wins at Summer Slam by hitting Heyman with an AA on-top of Lesnar, I’m setting everyone’s house on fire. Sure, it’s not the most original reaction to anger but then again, neither are Cena’s finishes.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: We at Classy Ring Attire have the most supportive twitter followers.
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RAGER’S 10 Thoughts: WWE Raw 7.21.14 (Bray Wyatt, Brock Lesnar, Paul Heyman) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/07/22/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-7-21-14-bray-wyatt-brock-lesnar-paul-heyman/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/07/22/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-7-21-14-bray-wyatt-brock-lesnar-paul-heyman/#comments Tue, 22 Jul 2014 05:05:12 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=168309 1. HHH aiming all of his anger at Schrodinger’s IWC but really, the core (where everyone is equal) of it all comes from him simply wanting to be wined and dined. HHH wants his employees to jump through hoops for his affection. Really, isn’t that what everyone wants?

2. I want a giant cardboard cut-out of the dude’s face when he reacted to Brie calling Stephanie a bitch. Seriously, whomever can provide that to me, contact me and we’ll work something out. I might send you a signed picture. A picture of what? Just you wait.

3. I can’t tell if they turned Bo Dallas face or if WWE just meshed the weekly mandatory Bo Dallas segment in with the weekly mandatory Damien Sandow costume segment. I have a feeling it’s the latter although Bo has managed to find a way to get a chuckle out of me almost every week now.

4. I gotta hand it to Bray, he’s finding different ways to delivering the same promo every week. Don’t get me wrong, I’m probably one of the biggest Bray Wyatt marks on this site but I’m ready for him to tackle some new material but I’m not exactly sure what that would consist of.

5. I don’t really have anything funny to say but I would like to point out that both Dolph Ziggler and Zack Ryder won their respective matches and state that we are, in fact, in the year 2014. Feels weird, right?

6. It took WWE this long to realize that putting guys in suits and calling them detectives is a lot more believable than dressing up local talent as obviously fake street cops. Also, the guy reading Stephanie her Miranda Rights was a good touch. Also, WWE found a way to smoothly transition from an awful Flo Rida concert into a meaningful segment. I would say kudos to WWE for this but they did put up a Flo Rida concert to begin with so all thoughts of kudos have been thoroughly retracted.

7. Even if they don’t call it Nation of Domination 2.0 or even anything NoD related, I’m so glad that this stable is apparently happening. First of all, Woods was great in the promo and would be a great mouthpiece for them. Secondly, if we actually get heel Kofi out of this, I’m automatically calling this a win just for the simple fact that he would be doing something different. And finally, we’ve already seen that Big E is a great silent heel muscle character when he was AJ’s bodyguard/friend. As I’ve said before, the only way to make this even better is if Ron Simmons joins (maybe not all the time, but once every few weeks. I don’t wanna be greedy) as their manager/mentor/godfather (not the pimp) figure. Some people said it would be a nice touch if Mark Henry joined to link them to the original Nation but please don’t. Please…don’t.

8. For a second, I honestly thought Khali was gonna forget to tap.

9. Cesaro wants to be a HHH guy now. I say they go ahead and make Cesaro WWE’s version of Jason Statham and have him be HHH’s wheelman/bodyguard/mercenary/wheelman/wheelman/adrenaline-starved-maniac-with-a-heart-condition/wheelman that also can completely maul people. I’m pretty sure WWE could get Audi as a sponsor.

10. So Bork vs Cena was horrible telegraphed/spoiled weeks ago but I’m still completely excited for this. Their first match-up at Extreme Rules 2012 was fantastic even if the wrong man won but even if that wasn’t enough for you to get excited about part 2, Paul Heyman’s promo alone should’ve gotten you hoping around your living room like Brock. Seriously, Heyman shouldn’t have a voice right now and if he does, the military needs to run studies and tests to find out what exactly his vocal chords are made up and harvest it like unobtainium.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris
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RAGER’S 10 Thoughts: WWE Raw 7.7.2014 (Roman Reigns, John Cena, Fandango) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/07/08/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-7-7-2014-roman-reigns-john-cena-fandango/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/07/08/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-7-7-2014-roman-reigns-john-cena-fandango/#comments Tue, 08 Jul 2014 18:40:32 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=168031 1. It’s gonna take a lot for WWE to screw up Roman Reigns at this point. Like, when Ryback was super hot in late 2012, they really dropped the ball and it’s kinda ruined him ever since (he didn’t exactly help himself either). But with Roman, it feels more like a train that WWE couldn’t stop if they wanted to. We’re not talking of a phenomenon like the Daniel Bryan thing but still, WWE could pull the trigger on Roman as a top guy right now and the fans would be behind it completely. Yeah, he needs work on the mic but it’s not a big enough problem where that’ll hold him back, especially if he continues his current “quiet wrecking ball” character.

2. So the Usos lost due to reverse twin magic. Nice to see that works the other way around.

3. We didn’t have time for Alicia Fox’s entrance but we’ve apparently got all the time in the world to watch a referee struggle to tie a knot. Also, I cringed when Alicia Fox tried to do the Stone Cold beer can smash and drink with cans of Red Bull. Firstly because she couldn’t hold onto both of the to save her life and secondly because Red Bull taste like canned ass.

4. I still have my fingers crossed that we’re gonna get more shades of “dirty Curty” out of Fandango. I’m sure JBL probably paid a little bit more for a private dance. Seriously, JBL’s horrified reaction to getting a Fandango table dance was worth Lawler forcing us to “go Fandango-ing” last year.

5. Sandow actually served a purpose because he cut the Bret Hart segment short so that Bret wouldn’t have to struggle as long with talking and remembering lines. If anything, Sandow was just being helpful and that’s something we all can appreciate and, as is customary in Canada, Bret Hart showed his appreciation by punching. Sandow was drunk off this appreciation transference and Sheamus beat up a guy that was already down. Ladies and gentleman of the jury, I think we all know who the real villain here is.

6. I’m pretty stoked for Wyatt and Jericho mostly because I’m just glad WWE kinda has a plan for Jericho as compared to his last run. AND Jericho actually won a match, the streak is over!

7. Naomi looked like she got a few legit shots on Cameron, can’t say that I blame her.

8. I still have my fingers crossed for Big E, Kofi, Xavier Woods and R-Truth forming Nation of Domination 2.0 with Ron Simmons coming back to get a manager. Kofi and Big E teaming up is the first step.

9. I’ve been harsh on Bo Dallas since his main roster redebut but he may have won me over during his victory lap when he ran over El Torito. Not sure what that says about me, I’m gonna have to have a seriously discussion with myself in the mirror after this…

10. So does Cena automatically become best friends with everyone once they turn face? Remember the billion times in the very recent past when Roman and the Shield beat up Cena? Is Cena the leader of some sort of face cult that automatically forgives all the terrible things you’ve done the moment you accept their ways? This is sounding more and more like Christianity the more I think of this. A highly persecuted guy whom some adore and is publically trying to share his message and lead by example? He’s constantly pulling off the miraculous whenever he probably should lose and then walking it off like nothing happened afterward? AND his initials are JC? But I’m sure it’s all a coincidence…or a C-O-N…spiracy.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris
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THE RAGER! + 10 Thoughts: Money in the Bank/Raw Super Edition (John Cena, Seth Rollins, Chris Jericho) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/07/02/the-rager-10-thoughts-money-in-the-bankraw-super-edition-john-cena-seth-rollins-chris-jericho/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/07/02/the-rager-10-thoughts-money-in-the-bankraw-super-edition-john-cena-seth-rollins-chris-jericho/#comments Thu, 03 Jul 2014 01:33:03 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=167951 I know all of this is a bit late and I honestly have no excuse other than laziness. I can’t even blame my tardiness on disinterest because I enjoyed the hell out of Money in the Bank and the following Raw. I shall accept whatever punishment you, my Rageans, deem to be appropriate.

And now I shall spew forth my thoughts on Money in the Bank 2014:

I’m not really going to devote much time into the kickoff seeing as how it was mostly just depressing to hear that Daniel Bryan will be out longer and I’ve been calling Bo Dallas a boner since day 1 of his WWE debut but it’s nice to see people join me. But seriously, Bo’s last stuff with NXT got a legit chuckle out of me so maybe I’ll actually give him a chance on the main stage “with the lights on bright, Maggle” as JBL would say.

The Uso vs The Wyatt Family
It’s been said before but these two teams can pretty much put on an entertaining match against each other in their sleep at this point. I really thought The Wyatt boys were gonna win it here but I suppose the main focus needs to be on Bray, especially considering what went down on Raw the following night. The Usos are just fun, plain and simple, and they put in the time and deserve a lengthy run. That being said, I can’t imagine another CoDust (or GoldStar, as Joel likes to call them) tag team title run would be too far from now.

Paige vs Naomi
This was a very enjoyable match for me because Paige is Paige and Naomi has continuously impressed me in the ring every time I see her. The only way to make this match better for me would be to just remove all things Cameron. We all know they’re going to break up soon and as talented as Naomi is, I have my doubt she’s talented enough to carry Cameron and make me give a crap. I’m also not looking forward to this break up because that means we’ll get at least one more segment where Cameron will have a live microphone. I would rather listen to Brock Lesnar bumble through a 15 minute Shakespearean monologue while yelling with his Vickie Guerrero-like shrill voice than listen to Cameron say “actually” a billion more times.
However, once Naomi sheds Cameron, I’ll look very much forward to a future Diva’s title reign from her.

Damien Sandow vs Adam Rose
Everything about this match made me sigh to the point of asphyxiation (it’s not a sex thing with me, I swear). The funny thing about all this is that it seemed to take a couple years for people to lose faith in Sandow whereas Rose came and sank like a Brodus-shaped rock almost immediately. All loss of faith aside, Damien Sandow did a springboard backflip dressed like Paul Revere. Mad respect, bruh.
Also, the bunny seemed to take one too many “bumps” before the match, if you get what I’m saying. Also, said bunny got new eyes and looks terrifying…he’s 2 steps away from Frank.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match
Easily the match of the night for a variety of reasons, the majority of which seem to belong to Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins seeing as how two of the best spots of the match was the superplex from the overly tall ladder and the Rollins drop onto the horizontal ladder that led to a few more bumps than he probably intended. Kofi did his Kofi thing, as we’ve all come to expect while Jack Swagger did his best not to muck it all up and accidentally break someone. The ending was a bit “meh” for me as I would’ve liked for Seth to have found a way to win either cleanly or take a cheap shot to take out Dean for good at the very end. But I get it, WWE is on this massive Kane kick right now so why the hell not, right? Kane is essentially the Authority’s golem at this point.

GoldStar vs Ryback & Curtis Axel
I love the crap out of Stardust but for the love of grilled cheesus, put them in a different freaking match, I’m begging you. This is starting to feel like Christian vs Sheamus…or Sheamus vs Del Rio…or Orton vs Christian (if you’re seeing the pattern, move up 12 spaces).

Rusev vs Big E
Before we get to the match itself, I must point out the moment that got the biggest pop of the night from everyone watching at my apartment. It happened when a fan picked the absolute best moment to raise his/her glorious sign. Father Putin would be proud.
This match made me realize why I love Big E so much, it’s because he’s a huge guy but his brain doesn’t compute that he’s a big guy and throws himself around like a much smaller man. That being said, I really don’t want to see him throw that spear onto the floor again because each time looks like he spiked his head into the mat. This is the kind of match that Rusev should’ve been in months ago. Anybody can pummel jobbers, it’s much more impressive to see newcomers hold their own against higher ranks talent. Sure, that might mean the newcomer will lose closely contested matches against the upper card but since when has wins and loses truly mattered in WWE?

Layla vs Summer Rae
MVP of this match was Fandango. Seriously, just let him revert back to his Dirty Curty days of NXT Redemption and watch your ratings soar. Okay, they may not soar but hot damn, I’ll be entertained as balls.

WWEWHC Ladder Match
Very entertaining match and would’ve been match of the night if there wasn’t a ladder match earlier in the night. Most memorable things for me was watching Cesaro just hang everywhere. First there was him hanging for a long time off the belts with one arm and then when he got hung out to dry in what can only be described as an IKEA-like ladder contraption. Also, Randy Orton bled…a lot. Could’ve gone without the typical super Cena finish with the double decker Attitude Adjustment but, again, we saw it coming but we got a good match out of it and was WAY better than the original WWEWHC ladder match back at TLC.

Moving onto…

RAGER’S 10 Thoughts: WWE RAW 6.30.2014

1. Cena’s reaction to being on the cover of WWE 2k15 was pretty much the exact same as that of my own. Seriously, don’t expect me to get excited about a WWE video game until I see an actual gameplay trailer and graphics that don’t look like they were developed for a Commodore 64. Seriously, I’ve started playing Game Dev Tycoon a few weeks ago and I’m running a billion dollar development company in less than 50 years, I feel like I’m expert on the subject now. Side note: Stephanie dancing and singing along to Cena’s music gave me the weirdest Bo-ner.

2. Having Zeb turn his pro-American character face against Lana and Rusev is as about as perfect as it can get. Sadly, he manages for Swagger and it’ll all be for nothing soon because there’s no way Swagger is going over Rusev anytime soon. Seriously, Rusev would have to be caught with about a truckload of weed and accidentally concuss Cena, Brock, a newly returning CM Punk and Roman Reigns in the same night during the Raw before Wrestlemania 31 before he lost a match to Swagger.

3. Okay, so I really enjoyed this week’s Raw as a whole but they featured AN ENTIRE MINUTE OF SILENCE during Bo Dallas’ schtick. How drained for ideas must the writers be? And what was that idea pitch like? And why wasn’t Vince first reaction to reading that in script not to find said writer and kill them with fire? These are the things that keep me awake at night…that and the constant dripping going on outside my bedroom wall because the gutters are crap and even though it hasn’t rained for about a week.

4. Vacant strikes again once he was stripped of the WWEWHC. He sent out his doom-spawn Jack Swagger and took out Bad News Barrett. Handling vacant mid-card titles this way is so much better than just having two random mid-carders face off for the belt. I feel like having a special type of match makes the title seem a little bit more important. That being said, pirate Cesaro is clearly the obvious choice for this. If we don’t see a return of at least the Bad News podium, I’m gonna be pissed.

5. Having a match end during commercial and on the app seems like the dumbest idea since that writer decided to have Bo Dallas squat at the top of the stand for a minute of silence. I get the idea of telling people to go buy the app and the network so that you don’t miss moments like that but then they’re gonna bitch out and just show the replay anyway. But after the match, it was great to finally see Cesaro go full heel. And I know Cesaro has never technically been a face in WWE but lately he’s been such a tweener that it was refreshing to simply see him pick a side.

6. Damien did a Vince impersonation, maybe he’s not on the verge of being fired after all. Unless that’s what they want us to think…

7. The Miz swerve was pretty fantastic and kinda threw everyone off the Jericho trail long enough for a great surprise for when Jericho actually did come out. I’m highly looking forward to his match against Bray, I just hope WWE brought Jericho back to do more than just job to young talent again. They do kinda need a solid #2 face in the company behind Cena.

8. I’m excited for Dolph getting a feud with Fandango because that’s a feud they’ll actually let Dolph win for once.

9. Just when you thought the “This would be a perfect time for CM Punk to return” theorists lost all of their fuel, AJ returns and wins back the Divas title.

10. Seems like Dean thwarting Seth’s contract cash-ins is gonna be a thing for a while, which is fine, just as long as they kind of pick their spots and don’t overdo it week after week. Also, I was incredibly weary of HHH holding that briefcase after Rollins was run off by Ambrose.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: I’m trying to get back into the habit of running because I’m tired of knowing exactly what underboob sweat is like.
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RAGER’S 10 Thoughts: WWE Raw 6.23.2014 (Vickie Guerrero, Stephanie McMahon, Bo Dallas) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/06/24/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-6-23-2014-vickie-guerrero-stephanie-mcmahon-bo-dallas/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/06/24/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-6-23-2014-vickie-guerrero-stephanie-mcmahon-bo-dallas/#comments Wed, 25 Jun 2014 01:19:14 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=167812 1. It took Stephanie McMahon less than 10 minutes to turn WWE’s biggest heat magnet into a complete face and turned the most hated catchphrase/shrill into a cheer-worthy battle cry. To be fair, no heel has ever really dig their claws into the Eddie subject against Vickie before but it’s still an impressive feat. And yeah, their “match” didn’t exactly happen but that’s probably all for the better considering Vickie’s previous in-ring endeavors and also it was a less-than-flattering exit however, it’s pretty much on par with what Vickie has done in the past. Vickie went along with whatever wacky nonsense that WWE put her up to and that lends a certain amount of appreciate and respect from me.

That doesn’t excuse the spiked-coffee/throw up nonsense from last week though. Just saying.

2. On one hand, Harper and Rowan’s new theme music crosses from creepy to full-on annoying at about 15 seconds after it first comes on. On the other hand, it does portray the characters well and blah blah blah I’m so tired of that damn song blah blah. Aside from that, I overly enjoyed just about everything Luke Harper did during this segment. Uso crazy is a terrible joke and the creator of said joke needs to be beaten with dead rodents but what makes it worse is when one of the Usos can’t even use it in the way the joke was intended.

3. There’s a DC sniper reference to be made when talking about Cameron on commentating. She’s horrendous in the ring and just a terrible person on commentary, I really shouldn’t be surprised since I didn’t manage to (barely) make it through the entire first season of Total Divas. 2 minutes into her commentary segment and I was begging for the little person commentating crew to come back instead of listening to Cameron say “actually” a billion times. Side note: interneters got a screenshot of Lawler enjoying the view after Paige got out of her seat. This was a really fun “gotcha” type moment until Jerry himself tweeted the picture and make his own creepy caption for it. You guys, I think Jerry is becoming sentient. Run for the high ground.

4. I don’t know what the difference is between Bo Dallas on Raw and Smackdown and the Bo Dallas we see on NXT. I like NXT Bo so much more as a heel because he’s way more entertaining. I could watch Bo refusing to leave Full Sail all day and sure, Bo on Raw has his moments here and there but it just seems way more formulaic. The only explanation I can think of would be the Raw writers (you know, the guys/gals you see in the back alley that are beating a dead horse with another dead horse).

5. I’m really happy that an actual MitB match was added and I don’t really have a complaint on those involved (aside from maybe Swagger). I really am ready for Neville to join the main roster so that Kofi won’t be the lone ladder match/battle royal spot guy because that’s really the only purpose for including Kofi in a match like this and there’s only so much a 43 year old RVD can do.

6. I popped for Bad News calling the Washington Redskins racist even if he went the legal-friendly route of saying so without actually naming the Skins but still, the situation is just dumb. BNB vs Ziggler was a fantastically fun match to watch and had fans actually engaged in a midcard title match. Make this happen more! You know, give Ziggler a decent amount of time in a match…even if he’s gonna lose.

7. Kofi vs Swagger was a pile of hot garbage. There was some sort of mix-up, botch at one point and I had to turn my attention away from the screen. When my gaze returned, Swagz was bleeding and I wasn’t surprised.

8. It probably would’ve been better for Sandow to have been portraying a more villainous historical figure rather than, you know, the president that issued the Emancipation Proclamation. But still, the crowd loved it when Big E demolished Abe and went all Baptist on Rusev. Didn’t we just have this story end like a month ago?

9. Have I mentioned how much I really dig the Stardust gimmick? With Cody’s lisp and everything, I find myself getting a vague Eddie Izzard vibe and that’s a good thing.

10. The main event had like, three different endings. What is this? Return of the King?

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris
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THE RAGER! #WWERedWedding (JTG, Curt Hawkins, Brodus Clay) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/06/18/the-rager-wweredwedding-jtg-curt-hawkins-brodus-clay/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/06/18/the-rager-wweredwedding-jtg-curt-hawkins-brodus-clay/#comments Thu, 19 Jun 2014 00:10:45 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=167737 This will be a very short RAGER as I’ve spent most of my day putting together a dumb video that you will see below. I figured since I do have a wrestling column, I should probably actually share my thoughts on the mass firings of last week and the impact it will have on WWE.

It won’t have any impact at all and they will all be eventually replaced by better talent coming up from NXT. Were they good? Yeah, most of them but there’s plenty better coming up. Still, most of the people let go last week put a smile on my face at some point during their tenure at WWE and for that, I commemorate them…

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer:

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RAGER’S 10 Thoughts: WWE RAW 6.16.2014 (Stardust, Stretcher Matches, Roman Reigns) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/06/17/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-6-16-2014-stardust-stretcher-matches-roman-reigns/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/06/17/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-6-16-2014-stardust-stretcher-matches-roman-reigns/#comments Wed, 18 Jun 2014 02:51:20 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=167732 1. They really needed those 11 other people to help fill that stage at the top of the show. Roster was looking mighty thin. Also, I know this is small potatoes but why the hell did they bring Kane out just to stare at an ambulance before the commercial break if that particular match wasn’t next? Don’t get me wrong I was much happier to see a Rollins/Ziggler match when we came back. Also, there was a stretcher at the bottom of the ramp the entire night that was never used nor referenced (that I know of) for the remainder of the show until the main event.

2. I know there were a ton of jokes along the lines of “Teddy Long was fired too early and is probably yelling at his TV whenever The Usos, Wyatts and Sheamus were all in the ring together.” However, here at the RAGER offices, we hold ourselves to a higher standard. We don’t do jokes that have been run into the ground for so many years. So, I, the leader of the RAGERS, make this vow to each and every one of you reading this: I will never, I do mean never, make a Teddy Long tag team match joke ever on this column.

3. Everyone made the assumption that Shield quietly went their separate ways and instantly put Dean versus Rollins and Reigns part of a puke joke. I half expected the Schrodinger’s IWC (because people apparently still don’t know if it actually exists or not) to set internet-cars ablaze in the internet-streets because this is what Shield apparently disbanded for. However, I think the outcome of the battle royal prevented internet riots…more on that later.

4. The fact that Heath Slater worked as a face and actually got some offense in against Rusev was surprising…but then again, when you’re in a city in America, it’s not that difficult to get over with a pro-American stance. Does this mean big things for Heath down the road now that his band-mates are gone? Probably not, he’s kinda found a nice little home being a professional jobber.

5. You know what? I’m okay with the use of special guests these days. They happen very rarely and when it does, they’re kept to small, singular segments. It promotes whatever that guest is trying to hype and WWE gets the star power that Vince wetly dreams about every night (just joking, Vince never sleeps).

6. Roman being in the final of the battle royal with Rusev and then him winning were the only real moments the crowd was into this match, it seemed. Personally, I think everyone is a bit burnt out on battle royals but if you want to chalk it up to Cleveland citizens being dirtbags, then by all means.

7. Speaking of Rusev, he didn’t gain any more accessories this week but he did lose the battle royal. Does this mean his undefeated streak is over? Probably but that won’t stop Michael Cole from claiming he’s still undefeated in a few weeks. Watch, you know I’m right.

8. Everyone looked involved in the Divas match between Paige and Cameron looked confused. Part of it might be because Cameron is the worst or it might be a bit awkward that Cameron and Naomi are still using Brodus’ old music. Sure, they had been using said music exclusively once Brodus turned heel a few months ago but still, it kinda forced everyone to look at the elephant in the room in the eyes and compliment the owners of said room about their furniture.

9. I know a lot of people are not gonna be on-board with Stardust right off the bat and yes, this is Cody’s billionth chance that WWE has given him to get over…but I kinda dig this. At the core of it all, Cody’s main problem in all of his gimmicks was that he was the boring, sane member of the Rhodes family and he really didn’t get that much momentum as a singles wrestlers until he went a little crazy in the face mask thing. Now he has had this opportunity with his brother to kind of propel himself but he’ll need a new things. What’s the solution? take a page out of his brother’s book and go full crazy. Would it be him getting successful off of his brother’s gimmick? Sure, if it works and if it does, it’s not like a 45 year old Dustin Runnels is gonna need it for too much longer (unless he decides to work like his dad). I’m not saying that this is a sure-fire guarantee that Stardust is gonna be huge and he’ll be main eventing Wrestlemanias for the next 10 years because of it, I’m saying that Cody needed something to propel him because who knows how many more chances he’s gonna get so why not go full crazy? I dig the music, I dig that he’s leaning into the character and if this doesn’t work, nothing will and WWE should hand him his walking papers or put him in another tag team that barely gets camera time. But for now, I’m on-board.

And of course The Brothers of Seduction (you heard it here first…even though I stole it from somebody on reddit but the thread was deleted so it never happened) won against Ryback and Curtis Axel, they JUST participated in a battle royal just a few minutes prior. Those two goons were probably gassed the moment the bell rung.

10. There’s a reason a stretcher match hasn’t happened since 2008. It’s probably my least favorite match, I’ve decided, and I don’t really have an argument that’ll justify this decision other than “it’s so dumb.” Like, I can suspend my disbelief that maybe it really does take wrestlers that long to climb a ladder and fiddle with a hook but pushing an opponent beyond a finish line? Gtfo. Also, we know what happens when Cena is in an ambulance situation.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris
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RAGER’S 10 Thoughts: WWE Raw 6.9.2014 (Seth Rollins, Shield, John Cena) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/06/10/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-6-9-2014-seth-rollins-shield-john-cena/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/06/10/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-6-9-2014-seth-rollins-shield-john-cena/#comments Wed, 11 Jun 2014 02:45:51 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=167242 1. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for Daniel Bryan coming back but I’m so glad that stretcher match nonsense isn’t happening. Just add this to the disappointing ends to Daniel Bryan’s championship reigns. I know there are a bunch of rumors out now that claim that WWE is considering adding an actual Money in the Bank match to their Money in the Bank pay-per-view. I’ve been saying this all along, have the championship ladder match be their annual “All-Star” ladder match and a regular MitB match…it’s about time all of you bastard asses finally listened to me. Somebody bring me a damn doughnut.
But seriously, this entire thing has been a ruse just so WWE could use that special double belt hanger.

2. Rusev adds a new accessory every week (Lana included). Joel timed the match and Zack Ryder lasted a whole 56 seconds and that’s a whole 51 seconds more than I predicted. If that’s not progress then I just don’t know what is.

3. Summer Rae dumped food on Layla backstage and it’s now obvious she’s modeling her career after Ryback but I don’t think enough of it was packed into Layla’s ear. Also, immediately laid out a challenge to those who follow us on twitter (that’s @CRAttire if you’ve lived under a rock) and they responded. @YappaPodcast is now a god for this.

4. Not sure if Dean Ambrose was actually cutting a promo or just spoiling the next Hostel movie.

5. Your weekly facepalm moment for Sandow. He showed that while wearing a one-piece leotard, there’s very little space to store what’s left of your dignity.

6. It’s hard to complain when Cesaro wins a match that puts him in a championship situation but RVD really is the 2013 Chris Jericho, a lot of losses and not a whole lot for him to do.

7. The one thing I’m learning most about this Seth Rollins situation is that he REALLY hates chairs. Not quite as much as Brock Lesnar but close.

8. I get that Fox needed someone to dump watch and popcorn on but Aksana is an unnecessary addition and is a constant risk to everyone’s eye-sockets within a 5 mile radius. She’s as pointless to this story as Tamina was when she was paired up with AJ. Let Alicia be crazy on her own and I’m a happy camper. Also, Fox might actually need to win a match once in a while to justify her actually getting continual camera time. Just a suggestions because WWE totally reads this column religiously.

9. So Goldust is getting a tag partner next week that he’s never seen before. Does Goldy not know how the network works? He can watch NXT every week for the low price of $9.99 a month. But for real, I’m thinking they’re bringing up someone from NXT. Who will it be? No idea because I would hope Zayn would get more of a buildup than this, same goes for Neville. I’m giving this one a big shrug. Thoughts?

10. WWE continues it’s streak of ruining things that work by inserting Cena into it. I’m not saying the remaining members of Shield are ruined just because WWE needed to insert Cena and the Wyatt’s somewhere in the show but something seems weird about Cena tagging and being buddies with Shield after getting continuously attacked by them for the past year. It’s like that one time face CM Punk tagged with Mysterio as if that whole “terrorizing your daughter” thing never happened.

Remember, we’re raising money to make movies and other cool things on the internet! Go here to help us out or just spread the word!

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris
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THE RAGER + Raw 10 Thoughts – The Super Column (Shield, Evolution, John Cena) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/06/04/the-rager-raw-10-thoughts-the-super-column-shield-evolution-john-cena/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/06/04/the-rager-raw-10-thoughts-the-super-column-shield-evolution-john-cena/#comments Wed, 04 Jun 2014 15:00:29 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=167138 So I’m traveling this week so instead of writing the Raw 10 Thoughts right after the show, we recorded this week’s episode of Classy Ring Attire instead. So while I’m writing my post-Payback column, I might as well tag on the 10 Thoughts at the end. So it’s a double stuffed episode of RAGER!

El Torito vs Hornswaggle
The strangest thing about this match was Hornswaggle willingly sitting himself in the barber’s chair. Every time we have a hair match, the opposition has to hold the loser in the chair so they can’t bail. You have someone of Hornswaggle’s size and WWE is missing the spot of one of the Matadores picking him up and putting him in the chair. But then again, I’m sure Hornswaggle is a difficult person to pick up. Either way, I’d be okay with his feud ending soon because they’ve just about worn out their welcome with me.

Sheamus vs Cesaro
I hate myself for saying this out-loud but I think I like a Sheamus match. Of course it’s easy to give all credit for that to Cesaro and you wouldn’t necessarily be incorrect in that assessment but I suppose some kudos is deserving for Sheamus because he didn’t screw anything up. It is kinda weird to see the faciest of face Sheamus get a roll-up win but it’s a good way of showing how tough of a competitor Cesaro is.

Ryback and Curtis Axel vs CoDust
Of course the biggest story with all of this is what happened after CoDust lost. This is an interesting way to potentially break them up without turning either heel and having the obligatory former tag team match. It’s different and I’m always down for different as long as it makes story sense.

Rusev vs Big E
It’s matches like this that make me believe in a monster heel push more than all of those squash matches. Beating Kofi, R-Truth and Xavier Woods isn’t exactly an accomplishment these days.

Kane attacked Kofi because twitter. The fact that Kane is even on twitter melts my brain.

Bad News Barrett vs RVD
Another solid match from Barrett but I don’t really have any thoughts on this match. I’m happy that RVD is happy and back with WWE but let’s put him in an actual story if they’re gonna bring him back.

John Cena vs Bray Wyatt
Fine enough match, some good spots here and there and I don’t have too much to complain about. Having all of the outside action involving other people was weird. It makes sense that Cena would want to equalize the other Wyatts with the Usos but what doesn’t make sense to me is them leaving only to re-enter the match as if it were some sort of surprise. Also, the ending was weird but I’m not exactly what I was expecting to happen. At least it didn’t have anything to do with duct tape, right? I just have no idea what Bray is going to do from here.

Paige vs Alicia Fox
Solid match but every Divas match seems completely horrible in comparison to the Charlotte and Natalya match from Takeover last week.

Shield vs Evolution
Quality match, definitely a good match to end this feud on (at least in this incarnation of it). Of course I’ve got to mention the Rollins spot off the titantron and the really great camera work (I do love the shot of all 6 men crawling towards the ring after the Rollins spot). It was a really long match and it felt even longer that it took so long to start eliminating people. However, it a match like, it makes sense that eliminations beget eliminations quickly following each other so the length is a really a minor complaint for me. But then again, it might’ve felt longer because I was watching it at 3am after I worked a 12 hour shift.

Raw 10 Thoughts 6.2.2014

1. I like Batista, he’s entertaining as hell and it’s hilarious when he interacts with the internet and I feel like he wasn’t given a fair shake in this current run. Honestly, we would’ve boo’d anyone that won the Royal Rumble not named Daniel Bryan and it didn’t help that he was a part-timer that also happens to be buddies with HHH. Some time off to promote his movie and return against HHH should probably give him the face run they were looking for. Also, after he quit, a reporter dude from WWE asked for clarification because it “looked” like Batista quit. It probably looked so much like he quit because the words “I quit” did come out of his mouth, you dick-shelf.

2. I just don’t have any words to explain what Sandow is doing right now. It’s like the Charlie Haas gimmick but with 87% less commitment.

3. Bo Dallas looks like someone that once weighed 400lbs but lost it all and still has skin flaps.

4. So it looks like either way, there’s only going to be 1 MitB match. However, if DB doesn’t compete, that’s just a ladder match for the title and the name of the pay per view will be a lie. Why not just have two? One regular MitB match and then the one for the championship can be their “all-star” match for this year. It fills up the card and keeps their ladder match quota at what we’re used to.

5. Embrace the Hate came back to the delight of absolutely no one. Also, way to put your #1 contender in a match that he’s gonna lose cleanly to. Sure it’s John Cena and just about everybody loses to him but still, why even put Kane in that scenario? Because he said something Stephanie didn’t like? They literally could’ve put anybody else in that spot. But they did have to put Cena on Raw somewhere and somebody else already took the role of Sin Cara.

6. Nikki Bella had to go through a handicap match against Alicia Fox and Askana. I was most worried for Nikki’s eye sockets.

7. Yes, I’m angry about Dolph not qualifying of the MitB match even after ADR got the jobber entrance coming back from commercial. I wonder how he got himself in this mess this time. Can’t be any worse than whoever Sandow pissed off but it feels like Ziggler will be coming out in Batman pajamas any week now.

8. I began to openly cursed when it was revealed that Sin Cara would be Goldust’s partner, it was just a old habit from the Botch Cara days. But I do like Hunicara and I wish they would kinda use him for more stuff.

9. Rusev got a medal and a ceremony, he was beaming with such excitement, right? Seriously, nobody came out to interrupt the Russian national anthem? Is this even a wrestling company anymore? I’m gonna have to break out the WEE moniker again? (World Entertainment Entertainment).

10. So Seth turned on Shield and joined Evolution and it seems like we’re all still unsure about our feelings about it. I will say this much, out of all the Shield members that I would’ve guessed who would turn heel or against the Shield, Seth was the absolutely last person. It was surprising and, again, if WWE can surprise me, they deserve an award. Of course, we weren’t ready for Shield to break apart but I don’t think we would ever be ready so this might be a ripping the bandaid off situation.

Finally, we announced on a special Classy Ring Attire podcast that we will be starting our own production studio. It’s all under the umbrella of a company Joel and myself started called Irrelevant But Awesome. Basically, CRA and Trashy Ring Attire (and a few other podcasts) are all under the IBA umbrella but we’re looking to branch out into other interests. The main interest of ours is short film and eventually features but we’re also looking into doing things that involve gaming and a bunch of other ventures. One of which is a graphic novel that I’m writing and I’m super excited to put it out there. I’m telling you all of this because we started a gofundme campaign with our production director (whom we call Beardsly) because we have no money and desperately need equipment to get IBA up and running. If you would like to contribute to our campaign, you can do so by clicking here. If you can’t contribute, please help us just by simply spamming anyone and everyone with a link to our gofundme site. If you have any questions, feel free to message me on twitter @CRAttire or on my personal account @cwsanders39.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The answer: “Either Sweden’s literacy rate is 100% or it’s not and they can’t count either.”
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THE RAGER! Why Isn’t Payback the New Version of Backlash? (Evolution, Shield, Daniel Bryan) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/05/28/the-rager-why-isnt-payback-the-new-version-of-backlash-evolution-shield-daniel-bryan/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/05/28/the-rager-why-isnt-payback-the-new-version-of-backlash-evolution-shield-daniel-bryan/#comments Wed, 28 May 2014 15:00:38 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=167000 That’s right, your favorite-ish somewhat regular column is back. As I’ve stated before, I’ve reached a point where I felt like I’m repeating myself between this column, RAGER’S 10 Thoughts and the Classy Ring Attire podcast every week and I want more for you poor souls that decide to read this hot garbage. So I’ve decided to save RAGER for pay-per-view discussions or whenever I have something to say/rant about. And again, it’s not like Pulse Wrestling is doing without a healthy dose of Chris Sanders every week, you’re still stuck with my 10 Thoughts (except for last week’s UK show, because nothing of any note happened…it would have been RAGER’S 3 Thoughts and one of those would’ve been me complaining that nothing happened that week).

So let’s get ankle-deep in some Payback, yes?

Pre-show Hair vs Mask Match:
El Torito vs Hornswaggle
Honestly, I have no strong feelings against this match although it is obvious Hornswaggle will be losing his hair long before the unmask the bull. All that being said, if I have to put up with another little person commentator booth, I will start a forest fire.

Divas Championship Match:
Paige(c) vs Alicia Fox
I don’t believe Fox has much of a chance here but I’m really digging her insane Orange Soda Stone Cold antics because it’s way better than watching most Diva matches. Actually, you know what? I’m gonna change my tune and say Fox is gonna win the title just so we can watch her come up with a different way to turn into R-Hooch (because hooch is crazy) every week.

US Championship Match
Sheamus(c) vs Cesaro
You know, I had this bizarre hope when they paired Cesaro with Paul Heyman that there was some sort of plan going forward for Cesaro. But I now realize how foolish hoping that was because it’s almost the same scenario we saw with Curtis Axel last year. Don’t get me wrong, I love Cesaro and his ringwork is second to none, but it’s clear that there is no real plan for him going forward. I’m in a tricky situation here because I don’t really want him as the US champion again but I don’t want to see him lose to Sheamus (cleanly, that is). Hopefully, WWE is just biding their time and waiting for something better to come Cesaro’s way (hopefully a MitB win).

Rumored Match
Rusev vs Big E
I’m just ready to see Rusev in actual competitive matches rather than squashes here and there while we all shake our fists at the gods because we’re not getting enough Lana camera time. I’d like to say that I’m still on the fence about Rusev but he’s got 3 negatives working against him: 1) the constant worship of Putin’s giant head, 2) his generic monster build just isn’t working and 3) that damn Camel Clutch. Of course, Rusev also has Lana and there’s about 15 positive things I can say about that lovely lady. If you can come up with the same 15 things I have, you win this week.
But if this leads to the formation of a rumored Nation of Domination-type faction featuring Big E, Xavier Woods and R-Truth (apparently, they don’t want Titus), I am all in…maybe bring in Ron Simmons as a manager and I’m there with freaking bells on.

Rumored Match
Adam Rose vs Jack Swagger
Yeah, let’s just get this over with already.

The Daniel Bryan WWEWHC Decision:
He’s gonna drop the title for his wife and lead some sort of ladder match at MitB and that’ll be your “All-Star MitB match” for this year. Or It’s yet another stall tactic to see if DB will be good to go by MitB. Either way, stop making announcements for announcements, we’re getting into Inception territory here.

Intercontinental Championship Match
Bad News Barrett(c) vs Rob Van Dam
I’m guessing the prerequisite for this match was to have three names so be on the lookout for next month’s match against Dolph Charles Ziggler.
I just realized that I have absolutely nothing to say about either guy that’s in this match. Only the best for you readers, am I right?

Last Man Standing Match
John Cena vs Bray Wyatt
I’m assuming there will be some sort of singing involved at some point seeing as how it’s apparently impossible to ever do without during a Wyatt segment these days. But everything has been in favor of Bray lately so that leads me to believe we really get your usual “Cena never quits” type of win. It seems like this would be an automatic win for Cena but the LMS matches I can remember Cena being in, he’s lost or it was a draw. There was the one against Edge where Big Show put Cena through a spotlight, when he lost to Del Rio at Vengeance when they wrestled on a collapsed ring and last year against Ryback. Of course the two I remember Cena winning both involved duct tape. So either some sketch shenanigans go down so Bray can win or Cena is pulling out the duct tape.

No Holds Barred Elimination Match
Evolution vs Shield
Well as we’ve all suspected, Batista will be taking a break after Payback so either they go the injury route or something goes down where Evolution turns on him so he can give this face thing an honest try when he returns. Hopefully this will be the end of this brief reunion because I’d much rather see that than have some replacement or new member show up like Sheamus. Whatever the case may be, I’m looking forward to this match because I almost guarantee that this will be a fun match to watch.
Not the best card but it’s probably the best they can do right now with their champion and hottest entity on the shelf briefly. This is where that 6 month network commitment pays off for WWE.

Coming up this week on the Classy Ring Attire Podcast, Hollywood Joel is taking the week off due to his hectic theater schedule so instead, we welcome a new member to the CRA family as our good friend “Beardsly” joins the podcast. He’s new to the wrestling world but he’s jumped into it headfirst and I think you guys will love it. ALSO, I will be making a huge announcement at the end of the podcast about our parent company Irrelevant But Awesome Productions so please, please, please tune in for that!

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: “Any pizza can be a personal pizza if you believe in yourself”

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RAGER’S 10 Thoughts: WWE Raw 5.26.14 (Shield, Evolution, Alicia Fox) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/05/27/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-5-26-14/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/05/27/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-5-26-14/#comments Tue, 27 May 2014 05:19:15 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=166990 1. So Braddox was unceremoniously fired from his GM position. This comes to the shock of many as they were surprised to hear Raw still had a GM for some weird reason even when WWE had at one time 3 or 4 higher ranking power positions featured on the show each week. Nice to also see Kane still takes his Director of Operations duties seriously and handling all of the severance issues. Kane is basically the Sarlacc Pit of the WWE. That’s right, Star Wars references, deal with it. *drops mic*

*picks the mic back up* Sorry, I still have 9 of these thoughts left.

2. Sheamus shaking Cesaro’s limp hand is what I’d imagine an Irish Stranger would look like. Look away, kids, nobody needs to see that…unless you’re into that sort of thing. Just know that if you are into that, I am absolutely judging you but that’s more because you’re looking favorably at Sheamus and that’s just not what this great country is about. America…yolo, right?

3. There was a point where Lawler called Summer Rae a woman but quickly corrected himself and said Diva. I got a chuckle out of it because it furthers my theory that WWE truly believes that DIVAS AREN’T ACTUALLY HUMAN! #conspiracy

4. So Drew McIntyre air-humped towards Torito and then later dragged himself in a seductive manner towards Torito, I have some concerns over where this angle might be going, especially if WWE continues insisting that Torito is actually a bull. These are the sort of things that keeps Zeb awake at night.

5. So nobody is willing to come to JBL’s rescue? How many heart attacks must one have to be eligible for John Cena’s protective services? At least let Heath “Clem Layfield” Slater come out and get his face smashed in with Uncle John. Also, I’m gonna call for a moratorium on Bray Wyatt singing “He’s got the whole world” once this Cena feud is wrapped up. If Bray still feels the need to serenade us, might I suggest this alternative. Are well all in agreement of this? Good.

6. Obligatory Rusev mention so we can have a discussion about how hot Lana is…seriously, she’s starting to drag me away from Renee Young.

7. I don’t Bo-lieve in Bo Dallas because he’s Bo-ring. See what I did there? Guys? I guarantee that in a few months, Boo Dallas will be the new Boo-tista. Apparently interesting personality doesn’t run in the family.

8. So they’ve put off deciding on the WWEWHC status for the 3rd week in a row and now it will be decided at Payback. So in short, it’s been an announcement of an announcement of an announcement of an announcement…I think it’s been the appropriate amount of time for us to be angry about this, right?

9. Consider me an Alicia Fox fan. Why? Because she’s a Diva that’s doing something different and has hardly any affiliation with that reality show…also because I really, truly hate Emma. I know I’ve touched on it in the past and I understand that some of you really dig her but again, I just don’t get it. I was kind of concerned when Alicia made her way to the commentator’s table because she’s taken JBL’s hat, King’s crown and what’s next? Is she gonna scalp Michael Cole? Cole better invest in a cranial cover quick.

Also, Lawler said he’d better “hide his crown.” This might just be me but everything he says sounds like some sort of euphemism.

10. Wanna know how much fans can’t get behind a contract signing main event? Behind Cena and Daniel Bryan, Shield are probably the most over with the crowd but even they couldn’t stop the crowd from falling a COMPLETE DEAD SILENCE during this segment. This wasn’t so much a “go-home” show as it was a “you’re-already-locked-in-a-6-month-commitment-with-the-network-so-go-eat-a-dick” show. Seriously, I would’ve been more entertained by a battle royal match between Roman Reigns and that entire family of desk chairs he demolished (the table would be the manager, of course).

*insert obligatory “BAH GAWD THAT DESK CHAIR HAD A FAMILY” joke here*

Extra Thought: Pour one out for Damien Sandow’s career, he’s the new Charlie Haas.
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THE RAGER! For the Greater Good (The Daniel Bryan Injury) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/05/14/the-rager-for-the-greater-good-the-daniel-bryan-injury/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/05/14/the-rager-for-the-greater-good-the-daniel-bryan-injury/#comments Wed, 14 May 2014 15:00:32 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=166792 So with the state of the World Heavyweight Championship in question with the recent Daniel Bryan injury, I’d like to make offer my thoughts on the whole thing. Of course, Stephanie didn’t strip Bryan of the championship on Raw this past week HOWEVER, WWE did post on both Instagram and Snapchat that the matter will be addressed next week on Raw. I will now pause and allow you all to judge me for having a Instagram and Snapchat account. I still think WWE having a snapchat account is super weird to me, I wonder how many dick pics they get sent on a daily basis.

But moving on, I actually think this injury, as bad as it may be for Bryan, is a good thing for the sake of the story. Daniel Bryan is coming off this huge story that started way back at Summerslam and its been an epic ebb and flow the led to the incredible moment when Bryan’s climb to the top came to a successful end at Wrestlemania 30. What has happened since? A bunch of hokey garbage with Kane and a decent match at Extreme Rules. And honestly, there wasn’t much more story to tell between the two after Extreme Rules anyway. Now with the injury, there’s an instant return story and then you add on the assumed beat down that happened before Kane dragged Bryan’s limp body out to the stage. Kane dragging Bryan was probably the most impactful thing those two have done in this story and it didn’t involve under-the-ring gimmicks or Brie’s terrible acting (although that came right after Bryan was dragged out). And it makes sense for WWE to wait a week to decide if they’re going to strip the title from Bryan. It will be after the surgery and after they have a better idea of exactly how long Bryan will be out. I say, if he’s going to only miss one pay per view, it’s fine to leave the belts on him because there’s been precedent back when Punk took off TLC because of injury. If they’re positive Bryan is going to miss two pay per views, I’d be okay with them stripping the titles because that would be stretching it a bit. Also, taking the titles away from Bryan would give him something to work for when he does return and, as we’ve seen, that’s where Bryan has been at his best from a character perspective. If they do take the titles off Bryan, what happens to the championship? WWE could just hand it to Kane since he was the one that put Bryan on the shelf, that is if they want to mold this as Stephanie’s plan all along and she completely condoned Kane’s actions. OR we have a multiple week tournament (much like the one we just had for the IC belt) when the final two competitors have a match for the championship at Payback. Personally, I’m all for tournaments, it makes the matches on Raw actually mean something PLUS it means the return of THE superstar of 2013, The Almighty Vacant, and long may he reign.
The likeliest of possibilities is for Kane to somehow be the champion whenever Daniel Bryan returns because it makes the most sense with the story and it inserts Daniel Bryan right back into the championship scene, and that would kill two birds with one stone. Yes, feuding with Kane right off the return makes the most sense but then again, I don’t want Bryan to be muddling around in non-championship waters. So we might as well combine the two.
And of course, there’s the chance that they don’t strip Daniel Bryan at all and this entire exercise in championship hypotheticals will be for nothing. But if that’s the case, this entire article will be worthless but I will offer you all with a video of a guy doing a Morgan Freeman impersonation while explaining owls to help make up for it. We cool?
And it should go with out saying that a wrestler missing time due to an injury is never a good thing, especially with a neck injury because it’s taken out so many of our beloved heroes. I truly do not want Daniel Bryan to be another career cut short for any reason. We’re all fortunate that this injury will not keep him away for long and he will make, by all accounts, a full and healthy recovery. Just wanted to say all of that before anybody had the chance to say that I’m an insensitive jerk. I mean, they would be correct on a technicality but not about this.

And also, Damien Sandow going “off the script” was nothing to really get excited about. As I stated in my 10 Thoughts column Monday night, he did something similar not too long ago and was rewarded with a punch from Big Show, the same ol’ same the weeks following and wearing Magneto pajamas. I don’t claim to know if it was a work or not but until I see Sandow actually benefit from these outbursts and have success in the ring, color me unexcited.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer: Determining friendships in my hometown of Fayetteville, NC is done by stealing from Mexican restaurants.
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RAGER’S 10 Thoughts: WWE Raw 5.12.14 (Shield, Damien Sandow, Daniel Bryan) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/05/12/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-5-12-14-shield-damien-sandow-daniel-bryan/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/05/12/ragers-10-thoughts-wwe-raw-5-12-14-shield-damien-sandow-daniel-bryan/#comments Tue, 13 May 2014 03:55:35 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=166772 1. First off, let me just say how awesome it was to see that Classy Ring Attire’s own Chasity Taylor was a member of Adam Rose’s entourage tonight. I promise I will return to crapping all over his gimmick next week but something tells me his group of fun-loving hippies would be into getting crapped on…except for Chasity because she’s Classy…Classy Ring Attire (follow us on Twitter @CRAttire).

2. Alicia Fox actually did something this week other than confuse everyone every other week if she’s a heel or a face. Not sure if she actually quit or not. I do don’t the WWE App thing during the commercial breaks because I actually conversate with my guests during that time. I’m not that much of a rude jerk.

3. So WWE is embracing the legit injury on Daniel Bryan but they’re (so far) not overreacting by taking the belt off him because the injury and procedure is being described as minor. But then again, we can all wake up in the morning and see on WWE.com that they did strip him of the belts. Either way, Kane dragging Daniel Bryan out was subtle and still just as effective as all the dumb hokey crap they’ve done over the past couple weeks. There are ways to come across as creepy and sinister without looking like a bad Scooby-Doo cartoon, not that WWE has any experience in making bad Scooby-Doo cartoons or anything.

4. I’m not done with the Bray Wyatt/Cena feud yet but I still tend to zone out during their weekly matches unless somebody starts cutting a promo. I did roll my eyes when they announced a Last Man Standing match for Payback because just as it would be a perfect way for Bray to win, it also seems like the time Super Cena would show up and put an end to the feud.

5. Natalya and Nikki fought because of paintings that were gifted to her months ago. She really should just put the paintings in the bathroom because that’s where the crap goes.

6. Sheamus has two matches against Ryback and Curtis Axel. There’s nothing appealing about that sentence.

7. Dolph Ziggler got a win on Raw! Sure it came off a distraction and it was against Fandango and none of the focus was on Ziggler…but still, scoreboard.

8. Rusev was about to attack Hacksaw Jim Duggin because apparently America is still #1 in the one thing that matters…USA chants. Big E came out for the save and ended up looking like a chump in the process.

9. So Sandow went “off the script” pre-raw and was about to do the same before Codust’s music cut him off. The internet went crazy with his pre-raw rant but isn’t this just the same thing he did a few weeks ago before getting a punch from Big Show? Until I see results, this is nothing to be excited for.

10. Raw ended with Shield vs Jobbers but I still would much rather have seen the advertised Batista vs Roman Reigns match. But then again, I’m assuming the plan was for Shield to look strong at the end of the show and Batista apparently has this thing about not looking weak at the end of his matches (even though he was pinned/submitted at the end of the last two pay per views) and so maybe this was their way of working around that. Either way, dumb.
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THE RAGER! Forklifts And Bad News (Daniel Bryan, Shield, Bad News Barrett) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/05/07/the-rager-forklifts-and-bad-news-daniel-bryan-shield-bad-news-barrett/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/05/07/the-rager-forklifts-and-bad-news-daniel-bryan-shield-bad-news-barrett/#comments Wed, 07 May 2014 15:00:41 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=166675 I apologize for my RAGER scarcity as of late. I wish I had a better excuse other than laziness and life happening and getting in the way. Also, I’ve noticed writing a weekly Raw 10 Thoughts column tends to kill any material I may have for RAGER seeing as how I usually talk about Raw stuff on here. So for a while, I might just be posting Pay Per View RAGERs or whenever I actually have something to say, haven’t quite figured it out yet. I just don’t want have you guys have to deal with me simply repeating myself on a weekly basis. I will guarantee that there will be a new RAGER’S 10 Thoughts every single week, I have a lot of fun with those.

But enough of that, let’s get extreme.

El Torito vs Hornswaggle
You know what? I wasn’t sure how they could find a way to make match commentary worse than what we get on a weekly basis but WWE continues to surprise me. Aside from the special commentary, this was a fun and ridiculous match to watch with some legitimate good spots. I honestly believed this would only be a showcase of Torito but I’ll give Swaggle his do, he had his moments. Now let’s not make this sort of match a habit, let’s not lose the novelty of it (aka end the feud now before you’ve beaten us over the head with it and become sick at the sight of both guys). It happened a few times, it was terrible when it easily could’ve been so let’s leave “well enough” alone.

Cesaro vs Jack Swagger vs RVD
It’s usually not a great sign when even the commentators didn’t know this was an elimination match so I’m assuming it just wasn’t clearly defined or that 3 count was a botch, either is a very likely scenario. This did feel like WWE just insert RVD wherever they could find room just to make sure he was on the card but he was a good addition. It was a fun match even before Swaggz was eliminated. Cesaro and Heyman are a perfect combination and it forces one to realize how much of a failure the Curtis Axel experiment was.

Alexander Rusev vs R-Truth and Xavier Woods
I’ve decided to use the “just focus on Lana” strategies some of my readers have used and I must say that I’m enjoyed Rusev matches a lot more now. Thanks, folks! Maybe I’ll start paying attention once Rusev ditches the Camel Clutch (this message is Kue approved). Oh yeah, “Rusev crush” can go bye-bye, too. I know it’s simply an excuse for the camera to be on Lana and I’m all aboard that bandwagon but still, enough is enough.

Bad News Barrett vs Big E
Barrett has extended his streak of me actually enjoying his ring work and Big E was no slouch either. I’m still not saying that Barrett is getting this huge push considering this is his 4th IC reign and was literally the holder of the white belt exactly a year ago. He’s successfully been pushed back to where he used to be but the only different is that he has a gimmick that’s seemingly working with the crowd and people give a crap. I do wish the IC reign of Big E would’ve been a bigger deal because I still think very highly of him and his potential but I suppose they it’s a good thing they took the belt off of him seeing as how the only thing he’s been doing with it is gently stroking it (the belt) while staring at a monitor.

The Shield vs Evolution
What a match, am I right? Just another moment that I’m glad WWE didn’t pull the trigger on the Shield breakup a few months ago. Of course the balcony spot is the one that fans will remember the most but I thought it was a nice touch with it coming down to the two final participants of this past Royal Rumble but with Roman getting the upper hand this time around. Seriously, as long as Shield still has something to do, never break them up. Oh yeah, Evolution was alright, I guess.

Bray Wyatt vs John Cena
I know there’s probably still a debate going about the ending of this match on whether it was horribly hokey or if it was brilliant. Personally, I’m still kind of end the middle because I don’t really think Bray needed it to win a cage match against Cena BUT it does add fuel to the fire to continue the feud into the next PPV. Personally, I would’ve liked if they held off on the choir from a couple weeks ago and used that for the end of their cage match but I do realize having children get in their places in the dark is one thing but them doing so to all be around the ring is another. The voice of Little Johnny is fine, I guess but I still think the sound of a singing child is way creepier (still making it obvious that I don’t have kids). If you really think about it, we all kind of figured Wyatt would have some sort of creepy way to win this match and what they actually ended up doing seemed about on par with what I would expect. But seriously, can we move onto a different song now?

Paige vs Tamina
*shrug* Paige looked alright but I really don’t care for Tamina and it looks like neither did the live audience.

Daniel Bryan vs Kane
I feel like this is where I would give the obligatory respectful nod to Kane for doing what he’s doing at his age and doing it well and he deserves that however, this really needed to be a one time thing because I really don’t like this story at all especially if they’re not really gonna touch on Team Friendship at all. It’s too reminiscent of embrace the hate mixed with Brie’s horrible acting (not that everybody else is great at it) and it all feels thrown together which is probably accurate considering that’s what the case is. Batista is apparently refusing to be in a program against DB because he doesn’t want to lose cleanly to him (even though Batista tapped at WM30 to DB and was pinned cleanly by Reigns…so maybe the dirtsheets are full of crap) and so WWE has to come up with a viable option for the next PPV. But all that aside, this match enjoyable and the forklift was a good addition, especially for the diving headbutt.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

The Answer
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