Inside Pulse Wrestling » kevin nash http://wrestling.insidepulse.com Wrestling news, rumors, reviews and commentary, from WWE to TNA to ROH and everything in between... Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:47:06 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=4.0.1 Wrestling news, rumors, reviews and commentary, from WWE to TNA to ROH and everything in between... Inside Pulse Wrestling no Wrestling news, rumors, reviews and commentary, from WWE to TNA to ROH and everything in between... Inside Pulse Wrestling » kevin nash http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/wp-content/plugins/powerpress/rss_default.jpg http://wrestling.insidepulse.com WWE Monday Night RAW LIVE Results For 8/11/14: Hulk Hogan Birthday Bash http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/11/wwe-monday-night-raw-live-results-for-81114-hulk-hogan-birthday-bash/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/11/wwe-monday-night-raw-live-results-for-81114-hulk-hogan-birthday-bash/#comments Mon, 11 Aug 2014 23:32:58 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=169027 It’s the final RAW before SummerSlam. Both Brock Lesnar and John Cena are in the building. Expect a confrontation there, along with a final sell for every other match on the card. There’s also a birthday celebration planned for Hulk Hogan. There will probably be a nWo reunion. But the real question is this: Will we get a Damien Hogan appearance? Follow along to find out.

Hip Hop Advocating Jew. T-Shirt That

Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar came out to start the show. He said in six days he will be the advocate for the new WWE Champion Brock Lesnar. Heyman said his client has asked him to come out tonight and sell SummerSlam to the Cenation. Heyman said bad things happen to good people when you step into the ring with Brock Lesnar. Heyman said those who don’t learn from history live to repeat it. Heyman then showed pics of Lesnar ending The Streak at Wrestlemania. He said that he told everyone it would happen and they shouldn’t have been surprised. He then brought up Lesnar destroying Rock and Hogan back in the day. Heyman told the Cenation to watch SummerSlam, because after it they won’t be able to see John Cena around here anymore. Heyman said even though Cena won their previous match, Cena lost the fight. Heyman said Brock was still battling diverticulitis at the time of that loss, but this Sunday Brock is 100%. Heyman said this Sunday will be a Shakespearean Tragedy. Heyman said they aren’t from West Newbury, and they can’t hip hop like you. Heyman said he is just Brock’s advocating Jew. Heyman said Cena says his time is now, but Brock said his calendar is out of date. Heyman went on to rhyme and rap. It was great. I couldn’t keep up writing it. Heyman said this is Brock’s house now. He said we are now all his servants. Heyman said they are leaving the house to go get dinner, but after they are coming back home.

Super Roman

Roman Reigns came to the ring. Kane came out and said he is back as The Authority’s Director of Operations. He said last week beating Kane was like beating two men. So The Authority wanted to see if he could actually do that. Reigns opponents were Rybaxel. Reigns took down Axel with a shoulder tackle. Axel yelled at Reigns and called him a coward. Reigns shoved him down. Ryabck wanted in. He landed some quick blows but Reigns came back with a clothesline out of the corner. Axel distracted Reigns, but he blocked an attempted suplex and landed one of his own on Ryback. Reigns landed some corner punches but Ryback picked Reigns up and hit a powerbomb into commercial.

Back from break Reigns caught Ryback with an elbow and sent him out of the ring. Curtis Axel tried to get after Reigns but he was thwarted. Ryback took him out from behind and shoved him into the post. Both men continued to do it, which caused the referee to ring the bell. They continued their attack in the ring before Reigns started a comeback. Reigns hit a Superman Punch on both men, and followed it up with two spears.

WINNER via DQ: Roman Reigns

Reigns was interviewed about his match with Orton. He said when you knock the teeth out of a viper, it becomes nothing more than a worthless worm. He said he never stole anything from Randy Orton, but at SummerSlam he is taking everything.

Backstage, Kane told Orton that he has a match with Sheamus tonight.

Best Present Ever

Seth Rollins vs Rob Van Dam. RVD hit a spinning heel kick in the corner followed by a standing moonsault for two. RVD went for some punches in the corner but Rollins escaped and hit some kicks. Rollins went to a headlock. RVD escaped and went for a roll up but got two. RVD caught Rollins with an elbow followed by a thrust kick off the second rope. RVD knocked Rollins into the barricade on the outside. He put Rollins on the barricade and went for a spinning leg drop off the apron but Rollins moved and RVD’s leg hit the barricade.

Back from break RVD caught Rollins with a kick to the head and a splash. RVD hit a crescent kick followed by a split leg moonsault for two. RVD went to catapult Rollins in the corner but Rollins held on to the ropes. He then hit the curb stomp for the win.

WINNER: Seth Rollins

After the match Rollins walked up the ramp. There were a bunch of present boxes set up on the stage for Hulk Hogan’s birthday. Rollins looked at one of the life sized ones then laughed it off and said it was ridiculous that he was in there. Rollins went to leave but Ambrose popped out of the box and attacked Rollins. Rollins ended up running off. Ambrose said this Sunday he’s going to get his money’s worth when he beats Rollins ass this Sunday.

It’s Officially A Soap Opera

Stephanie McMahon came out. She said as principal owner of the WWE, it is in her best business to provide the best product for everyone. And sometimes, they have to protect everyone and do things that are best for business. She brought up Daniel Bryan and said his physical therapist is here tonight. Steph invited her to the ring and said that she has something to confess. Megan talked about growing to like Daniel and Brie and how he has such an appreciation for the WWE. Megan said she can’t be Bryan’s physical therapist anymore. She said it all happened so innocently, at least at first. Steph asked what happened and she said she had an affair with Daniel Bryan. Steph hugged Megan. Brie came out and confronted Megan. Steph said the wife is always the last to know and that Megan ended every session with “Yes!” Brie slapped Megan then went after Steph. Brie applied the Yes Lock on Steph before agents broke it up. Steph said they aren’t waiting until SummerSlam, they are finishing things tonight.

The Real Americans Explode! Again!

Jack Swagger vs Cesaro. Cesaro connected on a shoulder tackle but missed a stomp. Swagger came back and caught Cesaro and slammed him to the mat. Cesaro moved out of the way of a charge and hit a gut wrench suplex. Cesaro took control and went to an abdominal stretch. Cesaro then went to an armbrar but Swagger backed Cesaro into the corner. Cesaro caught Swagger with a boot. He went to the second rope but Swagger caught Cesaro and hit a belly-to-belly. Cesaro recovered and dropped Swagger on the ropes, then kicked Swagger into the barricade.

Back from break Swagger escaped an abdominal stretch and started a comeback. He hit a Swagger Bomb. Cesaro then caught Swagger with a shot to the throat followed by a boot to the face for two. Cesaro went to the top and hit a back splash for two. Swagger blocked the apron suplex and pulled Cesaaro to the outside and clotheslined him back into the ring. Cesaro countered and tossed Swagger into the air and hit a knee to the gut, followed by an upper cut. Cesaro hit a body stomp but Swagger grabbed the ankle for the Patriot Lock but Cesaro got to the ropes. Cesaro hit an upper cut and went to the top, but Swagger pulled him down and went right into the Patriot Lock. Cesaro tapped.

WINNER: Jack Swagger

After the match, Zeb said that after SummerSlam everyone will remember the sight of the American Flag waving in the air and standing tall. Before Zeb could say We the People, Rusev and Lana appeared on stage and the Russian Flag came down in the ring.

Bray Wyatt and Chris Jericho had a sit down interview earlier. Bray told Michael Cole to leave. Bray told Jericho that he knows about his dreams and wanting to be like his dad and end up a hero. Bray said he never dreamed of being a savior. He said you can only help someone by hurting them in a way, and he’s hurt a lot of people. He said there are no consequences to his actions and he hates everything this world created. He said he’s a monster and he’s coming for Jericho at SummerSlam.

Jericho said he isn’t a savior. He’s a survivor. He said he never knows what Chris Jericho you will get. He said he is going to follow the buzzards and shove them down Bray’s throat. And he is going to be the first person to shut him up, for good.

AJ vs Eva Marie. Paige came out and skipped around the ring, distracting AJ. Eva Marie rolled up AJ to pick up the win. Paige then apologized via a poem. She ended it by saying that she would be skipping out of SummerSlam with the Divas Title. AJ then flipped out and attacked Eva Marie.

I Wonder What The Taxes Are On Brock’s House?

John Cena came out. He said in six days he is apparently going to be conquered by Brock Lesnar if you are to believe Paul Heyman. Cena said this Sunday he is going to get the beating of a lifetime, but he won’t win. Cena said he isn’t laying down for Brock Lesnar. Cena said Lesnar doesn’t deserve the Title. Cena said Lesnar is arrogant, a bully and doesn’t give a damn about anyone but himself. He said everyone backstage knows that. Cena said that he’s heard the cheers and heard the boos. Cena went through all the chants he’s heard. He then said there are a bunch of people who ask when he is going to turn, stop being about the t-shirts and start raising hell. Cena said that happens this Sunday, when he turns into a monster that does everything to keep the Title away from Brock Lesnar. Cena said this isn’t Brock Lesnar’s house, it is the WWE Universe’s house. He said if this is Brock Lesnar’s house, there is a stranger standing in his living room. And he should try to come down there and kick him out. No Lesnar. Cena said Lesnar must have come down with Punk Bitch-itis. Cena said this Sunday, he beats the conqueror and the one.

Brie came out for her match with Steph. But Steph came out and said Megan was pressing charges since Brie slapped her earlier. Brie was arrested.

The Slater Era Continues

Heath Slater vs Dolph Ziggler. Slater landed some early blows. Ziggler escaped a headlock and hit a dropkick. Ziggler missed an elbow and hit a knee drop for two. Slater hit a high kick to the face for two. Slater went to a headlock. Ziggler escaped and started a comeback. He hit the ZigZag on Slater. Miz came on the apron and Ziggler went after him. He beat him up on the outside, but Ziggler was counted out, giving Slater the win.

WINNER via Countout: Heath Slater

After the match Ziggler offered a handshake. Slater went for a kick instead, so Ziggler turned him around and hit a ZigZag.

Well The Crowd Didn’t Turn On This Like Last Time

Sheamus vs Randy Orton. Both men exchanged early blows. Sheamus hit a clothesline. Orton tossed Sheamus into the corner and hit a clothesline. Sheamus caught a charging Orton with a boot and followed it up with a powerslam and knee drop off the top. Sheamus connected on a short clothesline. Sheamus went for his rope punches but Orton bailed with an elbow.

Sheamus fought out of a headlock back from break and clotheslined Orton to the outside. On the outside, Orton caught Sheamus with a boot and backdropped him on the announce table. Back in the ring Sheamus got out of another Orton headlock with a backdrop of his own. Sheamus started a comeback with his normal set of moves. Orton bailed again to the outside. Orton caught Sheamus and went for the middle rope DDT, but Sheamus countered with his rope punches. He hit a rolling senton and got two. Sheamus telegraphed a backdrop so Orton hit a kick followed by the middle rope DDT. Sheamus rolled to the apron and caught Orton with a battering ram and another powerslam. Orton ducked a Brogue Kick and Sheamus countered the RKO. Sheamus caught Orton with a boot and went to the top, but Orton caught him on the way down with the RKO to pick up the win.

WINNER: Randy Orton

Isn’t It Past These Guys Bed Time?

Hulk Hogan Birthday with Mene Gene and Jimmy Hart hosting, and all the current stars on stage. A video package aired. Hulk said Vince gave him a card with $9.99 in it so he could subscribe to the WWE Network. Hogan talked about what a great birthday he has had. Various legends started to come out: Ric Flair, Paul Orndorff, Rowdy Piper and the nWo. Scott Hall took the mic and said it’s time to take a survey. He asked who wants to see Hulk in the red and yellow, or in the black and white of the nWo. Hall said one more for the good guys. Nash started singing Happy Birthday but Brock Lesnar came out. Lesnar told Hogan that the party was over grandpa. Cena came out and challenged Lesnar to fight, but Lesnar left the ring.

WHAT I LIKED

Paul Heyman/Brock Lesnar Opening: Heyman was once again great on the mic. His rap was priceless. Whatever you don’t buy, I’m pretty sure Heyman could convince you to buy it. Great job selling SummerSlam to the audience.

Jack Swagger vs Cesaro: If you would have told someone after Wrestlemania that Swagger would be getting the better push of these two after SummerSlam, they would have laughed at you. But that’s where we are now. A good match between these two. It is still kind of weird to see Swagger making a babyface comeback. It was an interesting test to see him matched against someone other than Rusev and see the reaction. It was okay, but not great. Will be interested to see if Swagger keeps the support going forward. But a good match between the two and a creative finish.

Dean Ambrose: If you don’t like Dean Ambrose then you have no soul. Every week he does something new that tops what he did the previous week. I just wish the stipulation for the match on Sunday was better than what it is.

John Cena Promo: This one just makes the cut list. I like serious Cena. He’s taken the build to this match seriously and hasn’t made any of the stupid jokes he is used to making. I’d much rather have the Cena we’ve had in this build than anything we’ve seen this year. The anti-Cena crowd was in full force on social media. You are just going to never win with them. But I liked Cena’s rebuttal to Heyman from earlier.

SummerSlam Build: Outside of a couple problems I had (see below), I thought in general the WWE did a good job with SummerSlam’s build. Roman Reigns and Randy Orton didn’t interact, but they both looked strong heading into their match Sunday. AJ and Paige had a good build, as has Swagger/Rusev. Even Miz/Ziggler had a good interaction this week. I’m looking forward to SummerSlam.

WHAT I DIDN’T LIKE

Chris Jericho/Bray Wyatt Interview: Sorry, but I’m still not buying into this program. And it actually seems like it isn’t that high on the WWE’s radar either. The interview was just a rehash of everything that we have heard already. And I like both guys, but I just can’t find myself getting into this program. Hopefully the match at SummerSlam makes up for the mediocre build this program has had.

Stephanie McMahon/Brie Bella: Talk about taking something good and ruining it. I liked the program when it started. I was hoping last week would just be a minor hiccup. But man did this week jump the shark. The whole affair thing, and then Brie getting arrested again was just bad. At least Steph still plays a heel well. But this program lost a lot of the heat it once had. There was no need to introduce this whole “Daniel Bryan cheating” thing into the storyline.

I thought the overall show was okay. The WWE was in a hard SummerSlam sell mode and I think, for the most part, they did a good job of it tonight. The Hogan Birthday thing seemed like a waste for the most part. There were a handful of okay matches but nothing that really stood out as must see. I’m going to give RAW a 6. Hopefully SummerSlam delivers on Sunday.

Until Next Time,

Justin C

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka

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Kevin Nash News: WWE Raw, WWE 2K15, Comments On Whether He’d Enter HOF as Diesel http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/11/kevin-nash-news/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/11/kevin-nash-news/#comments Mon, 11 Aug 2014 21:41:37 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=169020 Check out this recap of Kevin Nash’s interview:

I’ve just returned from a screening of NWO: The Revolution, on the big screen, at Hollywood Blvd Cinema in Woodridge, IL. After the screening, Kevin Nash appeared and conducted a Q&A session before then doing an autograph signing.

The Q&A was short but here are some of the points made during it:

Nash said that he will be at the RAW/Hogan Celebration tomorrow night.

“Diesel” will be a character in WWE 2K15 and that Jay Lethal just recently completed filming all his moves and entrance for it.

When asked if he would prefer to be inducted into the WWE HOF as Diesel or as Kevin Nash, he stated that he would refuse to be inducted as Diesel (That one the crowd found very interesting).

Someone asked Nash if he would be willing to come back to work a match with Roman Reigns, to which he replied “I enjoy walking too much to ever do that” and then touted Reigns as a “gifted talent” that will make it big in the business.

On the subject of the beginnings of the NWO, someone asked him he thought the outcome would had been the same if instead of Hogan joining The Outsiders it would had been Sting. Nash said that the only reason that the NWO took off the way it did was because it was Hogan and that nobody else could had done what he did.

The subject of Randy Savage being inducted to the WWE HOF came up as well, to which Nash stated that the reason he hasn’t been inducted yet is because of the Poffo family and that they need to let it happen. Nash also said that the Savage you saw in the ring was the same Savage they all knew outside of the ring and that he still can’t believe that he’s no longer here.

When asked to name someone he enjoyed being in the ring with, Nash said Bret Hart was one of his favorites and that they never had a bad match together ever.

On personal notes, Nash stated that he talks to Steve Austin a couple of times a week, that he communicates with Triple H on a regular basis but that because of Hunter’s responsibilities, it is mostly through texting and that he tells his son that Hunter and Stephanie are prime examples of 1) never knowing who you will ultimately fall in love with and 2) that they have proven that you can as easily fall in love with a woman worth $200 million as you can a woman who works for Hardees (which got a huge laugh from the crowd!)

Nash was very nice to everyone and took extra time with an autistic teen, sitting behind me, who ran up to him as he was walking down the theater isle and hugged him, not wanting to let go. Nash stopped what he was doing and spent probably 5 minutes with the young man before continuing with the appearance. I thought that was a class act!
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HTC Exclusive Interview With Justin Credible http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/07/htc-exclusive-interview-with-justin-credible/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/08/07/htc-exclusive-interview-with-justin-credible/#comments Fri, 08 Aug 2014 03:01:38 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=168975  

HTC continues its string of interviews as former ECW World Champion, Justin Credible joins the show. Matt Harrak & the former ECW, TNA and WWE star discuss his career, the current state of pro-wrestling, the Kliq and which promotion he liked working for.

 

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Rabblecast Rewind: Wrestling Goes to the Movies http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/07/11/rabblecast-rewind-wrestling-goes-to-the-movies/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/07/11/rabblecast-rewind-wrestling-goes-to-the-movies/#comments Sat, 12 Jul 2014 00:27:56 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=168103 This week we present to you an episode from the archives. From our Blog Talk Radio days, our Wrestling in movies episode covers various different films from No Holds Barred, Ready to Rumble, Bodyslam, and many others.

You’ll be shocked(and in some cases saddened) to see the marriage between Pro Wrestling and Hollywood.

 

We are The Rabblecast!

 

Follow us on Twitter: @Rabblecast

Like, The Rabblecast Facebook Fan page!

Email us at: Rabblecast@gmail.com

 

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WWE Looks At Five Other Streaks That Ended – Cattle Prod Alert! http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/04/16/wwe-looks-at-five-other-streaks-that-ended-cattle-prod-alert/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/04/16/wwe-looks-at-five-other-streaks-that-ended-cattle-prod-alert/#comments Wed, 16 Apr 2014 16:38:37 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=166351 WWE looked at five other streaks that ended other than The Undertaker’s WrestleMania consecutive wins record. Goldberg-Kevin Nash cattle prod alert below!

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DESTRUCITY II – With CB and KON (Ultimate Warrior, WWE Hall of Fame) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/04/09/destrucity-ii-with-cb-and-kon-ultimate-warrior-wwe-hall-of-fame/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/04/09/destrucity-ii-with-cb-and-kon-ultimate-warrior-wwe-hall-of-fame/#comments Wed, 09 Apr 2014 22:30:43 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=166138 I stopped chatting with Swayze, checked tweetdeck and read HHH’s tweet. A lot of us thought Hunter’s twitter had been hacked, but then Steph retweeted him and wwe.com ran an article confirming that Warrior had indeed died. Then Meltzer was phoning people trying to get confirmation… TMZ posted, but took forever to mention what actually happened… I couldn’t tweet, nor update facebook with the usual “RIP” stuff, I had no fucking words.

I headed over to /wooo/ and everyone seemed to be in the same boat. Someone put up a youtube playlist of old Warrior matches and promos – Warrior v Savage was first one on, and maybe the best match the guy ever had. This was somewhere between 5 and 6am GMT, I guess, and I’ve had texts and facebook messages throughout the day, so it’s only right that we follow up on 2012’s DESTRUCITY: With CB and KON

 

CB: Hey KON. I can’t believe we have to do this on such a sad note.

 

KON: Where were you when the news broke?

 

CB: I actually was asleep when the news first broke of The Ultimate Warrior’s death, and when I did wake up I had about ten different text messages from friends that were saying “RIP Warrior” or “Hey CB, I heard Warrior died, he was my favourite as a kid” or “I can’t believe Warrior died, I was dressed as him for Halloween once”As you can tell, these weren’t just today’s wrestling fans that were texting me, but also old school casual fans who haven’t watched in years, men and women in their 30s who were recalling Warrior moments with me just in those texts.

I then checked Inside Pulse right away and saw Rhett’s post, then went over to Google News to see some of the coverage.

After the shock wore off, I went over to YouTube to view his segment from Raw, wrote my CB’s World column to pay my respects, and here we are, just a few hours later.

It’s still all very surreal to me, KON, I can’t believe it.


KON: The past few days have been really weird. Headlining the Hall of Fame, having the special intro during Mania and then that promo on RAW… We were given more Warrior than we’ve seen for, well, forever.


CB: Yeah, and now I feel guilty for hoping he’d run down to the ring like he used to, figuring it would be no big deal to do it one last time. I am glad he shook the ropes a little bit towards the end of his segment, at least.

Have you re-watched his comments from Raw yet, KON? It’s like The Ultimate Warrior was eulogizing himself, which is crazy to think about.

 

KON: I re-watched it after the Savage match. Lots of people were copying/pasting the speech over on /wooo/, and, because it took forever for the news about him collapsing in the hotel car park to come out, some people started talking about the possibility that Warrior had killed himself. Regardless of your/my stance on suicide, I’m pretty sure it’s something Warrior was against. When things like this come out of nowhere, everyone tries to find their own way of explaining and understanding the situation.That speech on RAW was not only strange because of what he said, but because none of the other Hall of Fame members get the opportunity to cut a promo on TV two days after they’ve been inducted.


CB: That’s an excellent point. I bet Warrior’s appearance on Raw after being inducted had to do with the fact that Raw was in the same city (New Orleans) as both his induction ceremony and WrestleMania and that was the best way for him to fit it into his schedule.

It’s still absolutely freakish timing and crazy how things worked out. It’s like he finally completed the reparations of his relationship with both WWE and pro wrestling, and then this happens. As I said in my column, I hope WWE honors his multi-year agreement that Warrior signed and his family gets some of the revenues for Ultimate Warrior-based merchandise and DVD sales, etc.

 

KON: Jake, Nash, Hogan and so many others appear to have made peace with the him during Wrestlemania weekend (and we can assume Vince, HHH and family made up with Warrior several months ago, when they brought him in to promote WWE 2K14). It’s interesting to see reactions from people who previously didn’t give a shit about Warrior (*cough* Kue), like Iron Sheik admitting that his hatred was a work.

 

CB: Yeah, I wonder if he had any private conversations with Sting lately, as well. Has anyone heard from him on the subject?

 

KON: He made a throwaway comment about Steve during his hall of fame speech, implying they were not on the friendliest of terms. However, Sting was singing Warrior’s praises during an interview last month.

 

CB: It would have been interesting to see Sting in the crowd for Warrior’s Hall of Fame induction speech if he’d actually signed with WWE by now.So here we are, talking about another dead wrestler around the age of 50-60 years old.

 

KON: Yeah. The reason we stopped doing these columns was that all the subjects were dead. I’m glad we covered Warrior while he was still alive, though.

 

CB: Has the cause of death been reported yet? Seemed like heart failure was the likely case this morning.

 

KON: All signs point to a heart attack, but we won’t know for a while. I think the autopsy is scheduled for this Thursday.

 

CB: Also, I wonder if they do an Ultimate Warrior Memorial Battle Royal at WrestleMania next year.

There goes the next season of Legends House with Warrior and Hogan rooming together too!

 

KON: Next year will be the Andre the Giant Memorial Trophy Memorial Battle Royal for the Andre the Giant Memorial Trophy Memorial Trophy…

 

CB: You’re probably right.

So, KON, I remember when you used to break into WARRIOR-speak in the comments section for several posts on Pulse. Is there anything you would like to say in WARRIOR-speak about The Ultimate Warrior and what he and DESTRUCITY will always mean to you?

 

KON: Truth be told, I don’t think I’ll ever drop Warrior promos in the comments section again. It was fun, it got a pop and it might even have convinced some people to check out the comic books he put out, but his speech on RAW seemed like a fitting end to the gimmick.

I’d like to say one last thing on The Ultimate Warrior as a wrestler, though, and it’s kinda what I was trying to explain on Trashy Ring Attire a few months ago…

He was booked well and he didn’t have to do a lot in the ring, but the things he did were done like no other. The promos, shaking the ropes, all those lariats, the Gorilla Press… everything was intense, everything was a notch above what the other guys on the roster were doing. Today, we have The Rybacks, Fellas, Rusevs and Mark Henrys… and you’re all free to like them and enjoy what they do, but they do it without the intensity or passion of someone like Warrior.

CB: Well, said, KON.

And Rest In Peace, Ultimate Warrior.

 

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THE RAGER! – Shuffling Towards Wrestlemania (Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, Batista) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/01/29/the-rager-shuffling-towards-wrestlemania/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/01/29/the-rager-shuffling-towards-wrestlemania/#comments Wed, 29 Jan 2014 16:00:31 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=164005 I’m not gonna delve too far into my thoughts on this previous Raw, especially since you can simply catch my 10 Thoughts column for yesterday. I will say that I feel more optimistic after watching Raw than I did after the Rumble. Let’s dive in, shall we?

Kick-Off: Codust vs New Age Outlaws
Pretty decent match with an unexpected finish that got the crowd pumped before the real show started. It’s gonna be difficult for for NAOs to receive a heel reaction from the crowd but that’s easily taken care of if they do something against Daniel Bryan, it worked at getting HBK boo’d at the Slammys. As for CoDust, one can only assume this might be the beginning of the break that leads to a WM match (or kickoff match, considering all the part-timers and top card). As much as I’ve enjoyed CoDust, I will say that Cody’s individual momentum has kinda faded which is ironic because I’m certain the “getting fired” story was suppose to elevate him as a singles wrestler. Instead, he found himself in yet another tag team. Maybe that’s simply what he’s meant to do, there’s no shame in it.

Daniel Bryan vs Bray Wyatt
Easily the match of the night, which is difficult to do when it’s on the same card as a Rumble match. It played up the injury and had some of the elements that we all loved about Del Rio vs Ziggler at Payback. It was one of those brief moments where I kinda forgot that this was pro wrestling and found myself actually getting caught up and concerned about Bryan. Maybe that’s what WWE wanted all of us to do: get Bryan all beaten up after an injury and see that he’s clearly not in any shape to put himself up against 29 other men. That would be a valid angle to go with but it simply didn’t quite feel like that, all smarkness aside, it felt more like a fluke win and Bryan would’ve been fine to enter the Rumble. Still a really good match but I still stand by with the assertion that this match should’ve happened at TLC.

Brock Lesnar vs Big Show
It wasn’t as painful or long as I was expecting but all it did was re-establish what didn’t need to be re-established; Brock is a dangerous mountain of a man. All WWE had to do was show clips of his SummerSlam victory over Punk instead of throwing Show around. Also, is breaking chairs like a new parlor trick Lesnar learned recently? Because he’s been doing that way too much lately. The match was fine and all but we didn’t need that extended chair beatdown on Show afterwards while the crowd sat in silence, not out of shock but out of boredom.

John Cena vs Randy Orton
As documented on @CRAttire’s twitter, here are a list of things I’d rather experience than watch this rematch:
1. Be the middle person of a human centipede.
2. Rewatch Birth of a Nation AND Bicycle Thief back-to-back.
3. Invest in Grown-Ups 3
4. Reread that dumb fictional narrative novel about shapes that was so bad that I refuse to even google to find out what the title is. High school English class sucked.

I felt as if Bray Wyatt temporarily turned face just because he mercifully ended this travesty.

The Rumble Match
Obviously the big story here really should be Roman’s performance but that sort of got lost in the shuffle of fans being outraged by Bryan’s absence and so many of HHH’s friends getting the upper-hand. Am I stoked about Batista winning the Rumble? Of course not, I don’t think I’ve been happy with the Rumble winner since Edge won so that aspect really has no affect on me in determining if it’s a good rumble. This was a really good Rumble, I thought. We got two really impressive spots out of Kofi, Dolph made his return, Roman broke Kane’s record, we got a decent amount of surprises (I think I marked out for JBL’s brief entry more than I did for Nash’s) and we the showdown we all wanted to see…Punk vs El Torito.

And in case you haven’t seen me post it a billion times, I did predict that Roman would break Kane’s elimination record. I’ll wait patiently as you all convert to Chrislam.

But ultimately the spotlight of the show is fixated on Bryan’s absence to the point where Rey Mysterio got the biggest heel reaction just because he was the final participant and wasn’t Bryan. I’ll admit that I was disappointed too but, again, there’s another pay per view before we get to Mania and even then I’m not going to get my hopes up about Bryan getting the championship. Yes, it would be completely dumb of WWE to try to kill a potential Bryan championship run so I HAVE to believe that this is all part of some sort of plan that will have a payoff at some point. However, WWE isn’t exactly known for have long-term plans for specific wrestlers (just a few exceptions here and there) and so we must prepare ourselves if WWE does let this slip through their fingers. It would be a heart-breaking missed opportunity but it’s a mistake I can see WWE making. But there is hope because one has to think WWE has some idea of what they have if they continue to close out Raw after Raw with Daniel Bryan in the main event either by himself or alongside higher guys like Cena but with Bryan’s music playing as they fade to black. So I approach this Wrestlemania with a cautious and suspicious optimism that there’s a reason for WWE to keep their top wrestler away from the championship scene and for keeping CM Punk roaming between non-feuds for the last couple months.

I’ve stated many times in the past that I don’t claim to know what WWE is thinking in their week-to-week booking and so on and I don’t put much stock into a lot of the dirtsheet rumors one might hear online because if they were right, we’d have seen Sting debut in WWE about 25 times by now and Cena would’ve turned heel years ago. All I can go off of is what I feel when I watch every week and I still feel like there’s a reason for all of this. Perhaps it’s just me.

Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do twice,
Chris

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Kevin Nash Comments On WWE Royal Rumble Surprise Appearance http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/01/27/kevin-nash-comments-on-wwe-royal-rumble-surprise-appearance/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2014/01/27/kevin-nash-comments-on-wwe-royal-rumble-surprise-appearance/#comments Mon, 27 Jan 2014 15:00:26 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=163867 Kevin Nash made a surprise return to the WWE last night to be an entrant in the WWE Royal Rumble

On Twitter, he commented on his return:

Great to see my buddies and the boys.Pittsburgh thanks for the love. WWE thanks for letting me be apart of the Rumble. Kodiak insane spot


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Wrestling Wremix: The Canadian Heartbreak Kidd (Tyson Kidd, Kevin Nash, Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/12/24/wrestling-wremix-the-canadian-heartbreak-kidd-tyson-kidd-kevin-nash-shawn-michaels-bret-hart/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/12/24/wrestling-wremix-the-canadian-heartbreak-kidd-tyson-kidd-kevin-nash-shawn-michaels-bret-hart/#comments Tue, 24 Dec 2013 11:00:41 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=162008 Tyson-Kidd-Jan-2012

Hello and welcome to Wrestling Wremix, where I get all the clicks because I post about what the people want- new directions for the Miz, Cody Rhodes and Tyson Kidd.  Whoops, spoiler alert!  I’m James A. Sawyer and also @todaysjimsawyer.

Who’s Tyson Kidd, you ask?  Well he got married on Total Divas.  For the past year or two, that’s probably how you know him.  But apparently he might be a talented worker.  CM Punk mentioned him in a promo about underutilized guys in another “technically this is a heel speech but I’m actually completely right.”  Ziggler named him as a dream opponent in an interview.  And he was briefly in the new Hart Dynasty before they split them up and canned DH Smith because of… reasons?

Well he suffered an injury at the worst possible time last year after getting a bump in recognition due to the speech, but now he’s back.  And what to do with him?  Here’s my idea…

I thought about this back when Daniel Bryan was feuding for secondary belts like the IC and US championship.  Back when WWE didn’t know what to do with him besides try to bury him in the undercard and pray their investment in huge guys continues to pay off, I thought a good way to get him noticed and over would be to have him beat Santino Marella for the IC belt.  Santino at the time was doing a gimmick where he was attempting to beat the record held by the Honkytonk Man for longest championship reign.  Now, I actually like Santino.  He’s a fine comedy wrestler.  Not everyone needs to be a strong-style badass and engage in bloodfeuds.  I’m not a total grump, there needs to be breaks in pacing, which is why before the main event at Wrestlemania it’s often a Divas match or a dance routine by a fat 1980s rapper imploring us to call all of our mothers.  But he’s not meant to hold a belt and thus have comedy matches with everyone on the roster for a year.  That would get old.  Daniel Bryan would have been the perfect person to win the belt, and break Honkytonk’s streak.  Along the way, he’d pick up a bodyguard, Kevin Nash.  This would make sense, as in a way, if Daniel Bryan is like a son to Shawn Michaels, that would make Kevin Nash his surrogate uncle.  And Nash could protect him from outside interference and other heel-ish shenanigans.  He’d cut promos with him, helping showcase Bryan’s charisma and personality.

Up until he betrays him by powerbombing him outside the ring, rolling him in and giving Tyson Kidd the championship.  The reason?  The reason why Nash did anything, Kidd gave him more money.  And this betrayal would hurt all the more since Nash is betraying a “son of the Cliq” for a member of their hated Hart family.  After a rematch and DQ win for Bryan, he could be free to go after a big belt, and let Kidd have the IC for the time being.

Now, obviously Bryan is firmly entrenched in the main event scene (as of this column.  He could be shuffled down to a feud with Sweet T for all I know).  But Tyson Kidd is still a perfect candidate for a long Intercontinental reign and to be the employer of Big Daddy Cool Diesel.

You could say a lot about Kevin Nash, and a lot of it could be negative and some of that would be true.  One thing you can’t argue is that he has a personality and a half.  Hell, just for this exchange alone (as seen in Mick Foley’s first autobiography) he deserved mic time-

DDP-  “The best thing about Eric Bischoff is that he listens to the wrestlers.”

Nash-  “The best thing about Eric Bischoff is that he’s sexy in a shy kind of way.”

Now that he’s retired from in-ring competition (kinda, Wikipedia tells me he was wrestling as recently as last year in Japan and for Juggalos) and safely away from any booking position, he’s the perfect familiar face to add value to a young talent.  He’s still got some mic skills, now has some veteran insight, and is fit enough for an occasional powerbomb or to be on the receiving end of a punch or superkick.  Why not pair him up with Tyson Kidd?

Kidd has kind of a old heel-era Shawn Michaels air about him, with his blondish hair, “pretty boy” ring attire and arrogant in-ring demeanor.  I think he’d be the perfect candidate to turn his back on Bret Hart and the Hart legacy (thus instantly turning him heel even in Canada) and side with Nash and “The Cliq.”  He could even give up the Sharpshooter for a while and use the Sweet Chin Music, X-Factor and Razor’s Edge.  Knowing how close Nash and HBK were with Triple H, he’d be a natural to side with the Corporation 2.0 and be their representative in the midcard.  And now that the fans’ last memory of Michaels is of him screwing Bryan and siding with Hunter, he’d be the perfect guy to come back and endorse Kidd and initiate him into the group deciding what’s best for business.

Okay, here’s some mic work by Kidd.  Not bad, comes across believably as smarmy and douchey.  Perfect personality type for a capable wrestler who nevertheless still insists on having backup and is not afraid to break the rules.  Kidd is also a capable in-ring performer, and could probably have a host of good to great matches against guys like Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, Rey Mysterio, Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Justin Gabriel, Antonio Cesaro, etc.

(Also, remember when Drew McIntyre was a thing and not inexplicably loathed by Creative and/or the McMahons?)

I, for one, would love to see Kidd make a comeback, win the IC championship (calm down, Big E can win the US title and Dean Ambrose can have major feuds leading up to a world title push) and use Kevin Nash as a bodyguard/mouthpiece up until he either pushes Nash too far, ends up as a victim of a powerbomb and loses the title but keeps the heel status, or turns face and fires Nash and embraces the Hart legacy with a Sharpshooter win over a hated opponent.

Thanks to advanced planning and dedication, I’ve kept up my streak of weekly columns despite heading into my last heavy treatment week.  Man, how am I still unemployed?  Oh, right, having an English degree… and this economy.  Thanks a lot, BD.

What say you?  Is this a decent idea, or am I… Kidding myself?  Haw!

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My Pinterest Is Piledrivers: Rats In A Cage Match (Daniel Bryan, Dolph ZIggler, Randy Orton) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/12/17/my-pinterest-is-piledrivers-rats-in-a-cage-match-daniel-bryan-dolph-ziggler-randy-orton/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/12/17/my-pinterest-is-piledrivers-rats-in-a-cage-match-daniel-bryan-dolph-ziggler-randy-orton/#comments Tue, 17 Dec 2013 11:42:04 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=162001 MyPinterestIsPiledrivers

Hello, and welcome to the latest depressing installment of My Pinterest Is Piledrivers.   I am your host and lead singer for a Smiths cover band, James A. Sawyer.  Twitter is @todaysjimsawyer and yada yada yada.

So I’ve been reading Scott Keith’s recaps, despite his almost unforgivable sin of watching the Hulu versions as opposed to the three-hour widescreen David Leanlike epics they’re meant to be viewed as, and I’ve been seeing his opinions on the fall of Dolph Ziggler.  Basically advising him to quit while he’s still young and marketable and check out acting or undoing any curses that may have befallen on him.  And I gotta say, it kinda stings.  It kinda stings because it’s true.

Anyone that follows me on twitter (ahem, @todaysjimsawyer) or reads my works (which you’re doing right now, and thank you, handsome/gorgeous!) knows that I am a big Ziggler supporter.  I’d first noticed him when he was doing a modern and all-too-short-lasting revamp of the “heel wrestler/face valet” thing with Maria (as previously seen with Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth).  In my opinion, that was missed opportunity one, as they could have easily turned him face as he defended Maria, mega-heel if he turned on her, or turned her heel and both of them pushed as main eventers if she were to interfere in an important match.

Later, I noticed the guy had some moves.  He’s agile, has a great workrate and bumps like nobody else in the WWE.  Seriously, this guy could make a broom look like the Dynamite Kid.  Also, he showed some as-then-unseen epic promo skills in Zack Ryder’s YouTube show:

On top of that, the guy has one of the best Twitters around, is followed and friends with actual, real-life comedians and even dated a mainstream celebrity.  So where is he now?  He’s gotta be on top, right?

Man, listen to that pop!  Finally, it’s good for them to realize that-

Wait… did he just lose a match to Rafi from The League?  The same Rafi that lost to John Cena, despite cashing in his briefcase on an injured, surprised Cena who had just fought an allegedly grueling match just one night earlier?  And this was for a chance at the Intercontinental championship?  Something that, as a two-time World champion Ziggler should mostly be past now?  Ughhhhhhhh.

Keith’s column, along with other columns that touch base with things like JC’s fan revolt piece, made me do some brooding, which admittedly isn’t that hard to do, but nevertheless.  Remember Zack Ryder winning the US championship two years ago to an insanely over crowd on a PPV?

You’re lucky to catch him on WWE Superstars.

Remember when an intense, motivated and pissed-off Kofi Kingston nailed Orton with a steel piece of equipment and Boom Boom Dropped him through a table at Madison Square Garden?

It’s four years later and he’s probably not to even talk to Orton in the locker room.

Look, I am fully aware that I might not be the loudest voice in the WWE Universe… but those crowds seemed to be pretty loud.

This is CM Punk recalling his reaction to his first (first!) PPV appearance, when dude was on ECW of all shows.

This is the last PPV main event, featuring chants of both “bo-ring” and “we want Bryan.”

Oh, this is what they were chanting during Punk and Bryan’s match against the bad guys from Cape Fear.

And this is me, after weeks and months and years of the same old stuff from the WWE.

I named this column “Rats In A Cage Match” because that’s what I feel like with wrestling sometimes.  A lot of the times.  The ‘E will acknowledge their figurative boner for Cena and Orton (God I hope) with Punk doing promos on how Cena makes the kiddies pee their pajamas and even The Rock basing his entire comeback on thinking that Cena sucks, and Triple H starting a program with declaring that Orton is the corporate choice and Bryan is a B+ guy… and then they’ll drop it.  Huh?  So you have Punk turn face, on accident from a storyline perspective but on purpose due to the tired fans, based on how he’s tired of the same machine, and then… turn heel for some reason and not really acknowledge how it’s the same machine.  Bryan talks about how Cena is a parody of a wrestler, and how he’s better than Orton… which somehow leads to the Big Show feuding with Orton and Bryan being kidnapped and left in… the parking lot of the arena.  What?

Oh, and here’s fans of the Nkana football club… in Africa, doing Daniel Bryan’s “Yes!” chant.

Yeah, but no, the fans don’t really care about him and he’s not making an impact at all.

What exactly has to happen to get some new blood in the main event?  I’m asking sincerely.  Big Show is 41.  John Cena’s been in the world/WWE title picture since Wrestlemania 21, almost nine years ago.  Fans started rooting against him at least as far back as 2006 when Rob Van Dam beat him for the championship.  Orton’s been in the world/WWE title picture since he beat Lord Voldemort at the 2004 SummerFest.  Cena and Orton’s time in the main event scene has now lasted longer than the entire WWE careers of The Rock and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.  Their entire careers, from curtain jerking to top of the carding.

Lookit, I understand that I use a lot of humor and sarcasm and irony and brilliant insight, but I want to pose a serious series of questions and hold forth on a serious discussion.  No mentions on how people are ignorant assholes or unholy abominations or just snarky smarks.  Can anyone justify recent decisions of the WWE?  Is there something I’m not getting?  Are there purposes to these business practices?

So Vince thinks Ryder is a nerd?  Wasn’t he a nerd the crowd got behind and made them tons of money in merchandise?  So Ziggler said he was mystified at how Orton gets shot after shot?  Does he not?  Has he not flunked two Wellness Violations?  Did Orton not do a radio interview where he basically called Kelly Kelly a skanky skank?  Speaking of, allegedly Orton got frustrated with a miscommunication with Kofi during a match.  If I’m not mistaken, this was around 2009-10 when Orton was with Legacy.  That was a long time ago.  Has Kofi not proved himself by stealing the show many times over?

Yet they put Ryback and Curtis Axel with Paul Heyman, a noticeable step down in quality from Brock and Punk.  Mark Henry’s still with the company, and still getting world title matches despite countless injuries and retraining trips.  Sin Cara botches every other move and begged off a match with Del Rio because of an injured finger.  Bryan once wrestled with a detached retina and Ziggler had his nose broken by Low Ki during a match, and still finished it as planned.  Yet Cara’s still employed and on TV when not injured or suspended and I haven’t seen Evan Bourne in literally years.

What’s gonna happen when Cena gets injured seriously enough to take off for more than a month?  Or he, eventually, retires?  What’s gonna happen when Orton flunks another Wellness test?  Or is it not as up-and-up as they claim and they know not to test him anymore?  Or, what if he gets hurt at some point?  Would Vince just cancel RAW and Smackdown?  Or would he call up Kevin Nash and Bob Backlund and tell them to go nuts while putting Punk, Ziggler, Ryder and Bryan in a feud with Demolition, a janitor, and the sweaty guy selling hot dogs in a cart outside the arena?

And what can we do?  We being the people of similar mindsets as myself who like seeing not just Punk and Bryan, two guys theoretically also at the top, but hopeful future main eventers like Ziggler, Ambrose, Langston and Cesaro?  (To note- it’s a miracle Big E is getting the push that he is, and not being marketed as MC Rapper The Soul Food Soldier judging from WWE’s record of minority characters)  Frankly I’m terrified of what’s going to happen to all three members of the Shield, and Big E, because my snotty little joke probably gave Creative an idea.  Do we not watch?  Only watch when someone we like is on?  What if you’re not a Nielson home, does it count?  Have a mail-in campaign like the fans of Roswell and that one show with Skeet Ulrich where we send in cheap, pink plastic sunglasses for Ziggler and, I dunno, Ricola cough drops for Cesaro?  It’s not like WWE hasn’t inexplicably buried fan favorites before (see Jericho and Van Dam in the early 00s)

Is there a point?  An end?  Or are we all… rats in a cage(match)?

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A2Z Analysiz: TNA Final Resolution 2008 (Main Event Mafia, TNA Frontline) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/12/15/a2z-analysiz-tna-final-resolution-2008-main-event-mafia-tna-frontline-2/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/12/15/a2z-analysiz-tna-final-resolution-2008-main-event-mafia-tna-frontline-2/#comments Sun, 15 Dec 2013 17:00:24 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=161695 Final Resolution 2008

Universal Studios – Orlando, Florida – December 7, 2008

Introduction

The opening video package focuses solely on the Main Event Mafia versus TNA Frontline storyline, which gives us out top two matches tonight. They use footage of Franklin Delano Roosevelt talking about how American hates war. He’s one of our greatest for a reason folks. Mike Tenay and Don West are calling the action tonight.

MATCH #1: Feast or Fired Match – Homicide, Hernandez, Jay Lethal, Curry Man, Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Jimmy Rave, Lance Rock, Sonjay Dutt, BG James, Consequences Creed, Cute Kip, Shark Boy, and Petey Williams

Four briefcases are hanging from the corners, and there’s a World Title shot, and X Division Title shot, a Tag Team Title shot, and a pink slip in them. You have to grab the case and make it all the way to the floor to take possession of it. It’s kind of an Ultimate Risk / Ultimate Reward sort of thing. Having four objects on four different poles sounds like a Vince Russo Booking Wet Dream. The match structure is kind of like a battle royal, with all kinds of brawling going on all over the place. Hernandez grabs the first case, leaving three for everyone else. More stuff happens and then Curry Man pulls down the second case. After more brawling, Homicide grabs the third case. The Guns work together to grab the fourth case, but instead of going to the floor with it right away, Shelley hits Creed and Shark Boy with it. They celebrate and Lethal sneaks up behind them and grabs it from them, and he rolls right to the floor to win the final briefcase at 12:22. There’s just not much to say about a match like that.
Rating: *½

Borash gets in the ring and they’re going to reveal what’s in one of the cases right here tonight. He offers each man one chance to give their case away, but no one bites. Case Number 2 is randomly selected and we will soon find out the contents of his case. Lethal has earned himself a World Tag Team Title shot, which really upsets the Guns now. Shelley continues to hassle Borash, so JB goes off on Shelley, who just stands there looking shocked.

MATCH #2: TNA Knockouts Tag Team Match – Roxxi, ODB & Taylor Wilde vs. Sharmell & The Beautiful People

The Beautiful People are Angelina Love and Velvet Sky at this point. This is a feud between ODB and Sharmell that the other four got slotted into. ODB starts off with both Beautiful People and clears them out immediately. Roxxi and Love start the match proper and the babyfaces take control. Momentum shifts back and forth several times in the early going. The Beautiful People get knocked to the floor and ODB wants to fight Sharmell. Cute Kip gets in the ring to distract ODB, and eventually the heels take control of her. Sharmell finally tags in when ODB is down, and as soon as ODB starts getting up at all she runs. Finally the big showdown happens and Kip tries to play defense but he fails, and ODB chases Sharmell to the back. Love goes for a cross body block off the top rope but Wilde rolls through it (sort of) to get the pin at 7:27. Boy that never seemed to go anywhere.
Rating: *¾

MATCH #3: TNA X Division Championship Match – Eric Young vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir

Bashir has been the champion since 9.14.08, and this is his fifth defense. Referee Shane Sewell was feuding with Bashir at this time too, and he’s the referee for this match. Young already apparently won the title on Impact, but since Sewell actually helped him, Cornette returned the title to Bashir. They go back and forth a bit to start and Young scores the first near-fall with a belly-to-belly suplex. Bashir comes back and whips Young into the corner so hard that he flips to the floor. Now Bashir takes control as Sewell calls it right down the middle. Young makes a comeback and hits the elbow drop off the top rope for a two-count. A big lariat gets another near-fall. Young slams Bashir down and misses a moonsault. Bashir covers and gets two. A series of reversals ends with Young hitting the Wheelbarrow Neckbreaker and Bashir gets his foot on the bottom rope at two. Bashir then sends Young to the floor and gets into an argument with Sewell, who is able to keep his temper in check. Young tries a sunset flip back in the ring and Bashir grabs the top rope, so Sewell kicks his hands away, which is my least favorite spot ever, and Young gets the pin and wins the title at 8:04. That was just so mediocre, and I really powerfully hate that finish and that spot in general. When the guy grabs the ropes that should break the hold, and besides that, referees should never touch the wrestlers anyway.
Rating: **

After the match Bashir dispatches of Young and bloodies Sewell. He takes the belt with him too. Wow, you couldn’t make Young look weaker there. Jim Cornette comes out with security and they take the title belt from him.

MATCH #4: TNA Knockouts Championship Match – Christy Hemme vs. Awesome Kong

Kong has been the champion since 10.23.08, and this is her first defense. She is accompanied by Raisha Saeed and Rhaka Khan. Hemme was trained for this match by AJ Styles. She takes the fight right to Kong early on but to little effect. Kong misses a charge and tumbles to the floor, and Hemme follows her out with a dive off the top rope! Back in the ring Kong quickly regains control and stretches Hemme unnaturally. Hemme won’t give up though, hopping on Kong’s back with a sleeper. She follows up with a big DDT and then the FFC Guillotine, and Saeed pulls her off the cover to the floor. Saeed and Khan beat Hemme up on the floor right in front of the referee, who does not call for a DQ. Then Saeed and Khan get in the ring to fight Hemme, and that’s enough for the DQ at 5:09. That might have been fun if they had done a better DQ ending, but that just looked all awkward and weird. Kong has pretty much proven herself as a miracle worker.
Rating: **¼

MATCH #5: TNA World Tag Team Championship Match – Beer Money, Inc. vs. Matt Morgan & Abyss

James Storm and Robert Roode have been the champions since 8.10.08, and this is their fifth defense. They are accompanied by Jacqueline. Abyss chases after Storm before the bell, since Storm has broken two beer bottles on his head in the preceding weeks. He chases Storm through the crowd and Roode goes after Abyss. Morgan and Jacqueline stand there looking confused. When Abyss chases the champs back to the ring, Morgan wipes them out with a dive off the top rope. The champs bail again, and the opening bell hasn’t even happened yet. Rudy Charles decides to start the match, and if Beer Money gets counted out they will lose the titles. I don’t understand how referees can have that power. The champs continue to avoid the monstrous challengers, as over two minutes pass before any contact is made. When it finally is made, Morgan goes to work on Roode. Abyss gets his shots in too as the challengers are totally dominant. Jacqueline has to interfere to give the champions their first advantage. Roode and Storm go to work on Morgan’s injured knee, which is good strategy against a much larger opponent. Finally the hot tag is made and Abyss is on fire. Abyss grabs the beer bottle and Jacqueline stops him from using it. That gives Storm the chance to put on some brass knuckles and crack Abyss in the jaw with them to get the pin at 11:36. Solid tag team formula with a weak finish: sounds like TNA to me!
Rating: **½

Suicide Entrance

The Motor City Machine Guns come back out to protest the decision from the first match. They stage a sit-in until Mick Foley will come out and reverse the decision. Jim Cornette comes out and threatens to have security remove them from the premises. Then the lights go out and Suicide from the TNA Impact video game makes his dramatic debut. Suicide makes both Guns look like buffoons and they bail.

MATCH #6: Kurt Angle vs. Rhino, With Special Guest Enforcer Mick Foley

Angle is fighting for his job here, so I wonder how this is going to end. These two are so mad at each other that they start mat wrestling. Rhino takes the early control but Angle fights back and dumps Rhino to the floor. Now Angle takes control, slowly working Rhino over back in the ring. For a heated blood feud this is rather subdued. Rhino fights back and hits a spinebuster for two. He goes for the Gore but Angle avoids it and locks on the Ankle Lock. Rhino fights out of it but gets caught with the Angle Slam for a two-count. The referee takes a bump and Foley comes in to take his place. Angle brings in a steel chair and Foley blocks him. Rhino gets a quick rollup for a two-count. Angle stays in control though and goes up top but Rhino takes him down with a superplex. Then for some reason Al Snow makes his way out to distract Foley. That gives Angle the chance to use the chair and Foley turns around to count the fall and Angle keeps his job and earns a rematch with Jeff Jarrett at Genesis at 14:24. That was good in spots but it never really kicked into a higher gear despite the alleged hatred in this feud.
Rating: **¾

MATCH #7: Eight Man Tag Team Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship – Sting, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner & Booker T vs. AJ Styles, Samoa Joe & Team 3D

Sting has been the champion since 10.12.08, and this is his third defense. Yes, it is ridiculous to have the World Title on the line in an eight-man tag team match, for those wondering. T is doing his ridiculous Jamaican accent here and is the current Legends Champion. He starts the match with Styles but it doesn’t take long for tags to be made as both teams jockey for control in the opening minutes. The Main Event Mafia settles in on Brother Devon, keeping him in their half of the ring for several minutes. Devon finally makes the hot tag to Brother Ray, who takes it right to Nash. Joe tags in and the Mafia is able to cut him off and they work him over now. Just like Devon before him, Joe makes the hot tag and Styles tears into the entire MEM. The match breaks down, with finishers happening all over the ring. Joe goes for the Muscle Buster on Sting but Nash breaks it with a low blow. Sting follows with the Scorpion Death Drop to get the pin and retain the title at 21:24. That many guys being out there meant something was always happening, and it was enjoyable enough but not at all memorable.
Rating: ***topstory120x120-http://media.insidepulse.com/zones/wrestling/uploads/2010/04/a2z500-120×120.jpg|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-http://media.insidepulse.com/zones/wrestling/uploads/2010/04/a2z500.jpg|topstory500x250

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Wrestling Wremix: Summer of Punk II (CM Punk, John Cena, Daniel Bryan) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/12/10/wrestling-wremix-summer-of-punk-ii-cm-punk-john-cena-daniel-bryan/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/12/10/wrestling-wremix-summer-of-punk-ii-cm-punk-john-cena-daniel-bryan/#comments Tue, 10 Dec 2013 15:00:45 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=161662 CM Punk-JSH-0096851

Hello all, and welcome to my fourth “Wrestling Wremix.”  This must be some kind of record… for free time that I have.  I am James Sawyer, and feel free to follow me (or more likely, don’t) at @todaysjimsawyer.  Seriously, though, twitter is neat and free.

Apparently over in TNA, they’re doing a storyline where AJ Styles has quit the company as champion, and the organization is holding a tournament to hold a new one.  Hmmmm… where, where could I have heard this before?  And only within the past two years?  Oh yeah, one of the biggest summer-time storyarcs in wrestling, and in my humble opinion one of the biggest dropped balls of the WWE.  Not counting when they fired Mahoney.  (Yes!  Late-90s ECW joke!)

I think we’ve all seen this.  I know I’ve personally linked to it at least twice, and watched it so many times I’ve got the damn thing memorized.  Summer 2011 was a weird time for me, don’t judge.

It seemingly came out of nowhere.  Sure, there were backstage rumors that Punk was burnt-out and unhappy, and choosing to take an extended break, which is becoming refreshingly common.  At least for everyone but Cena.  Morrison, Beth Phoenix, and others have sometimes chosen to walk away and collect their thoughts, and good for them.  Still, it had to come as a shock when the WWE made his disgruntlement to an on-air storyline, which actually started with this-

I think based on that promo (and not knowing that Money In The Bank would be in Chicago), what would likely have happened is that Punk loses to Cena, “quits” like so many others, and then comes back to stop-and-start pushes like his experiments with the SES and Nexus.  I don’t think anyone could have predicted that Punk would beat Cena (as close to cleanly as they would allow), leave with the WWE title to a huge homecrowd reaction, and become their biggest face.

So where did they take that?  Well as history teaches us, they had a tournament for a vacant replacement title, Cena beat Mysterio after Mysterio beat Miz earlier in the night (as a true champion would), only for Punk to come back and face Cena at Summerslam, again victorious, but then cashed in against by Alberto Del Rio and later mired in an Austin 2.0 storyarc where his main feuds seemed to be with a 52-year-old with bad knees who couldn’t wrestle and John Laryngitis.  Oh, and a good deal of this was predicted by a six-year old.

Now, where would I have taken that?  Well, for one, I would’ve had Vince McMahon have an interview on “Good Morning America” or “The Today Show” or whatever hot garbage CBS has.  It would be another worked shoot where it’s revealed that they have CM Punk on satellite, where he taunts Vince with having the belt and tons of free time.  Vince then leaves in a huff.  This, ideally, gets some mainstream eyeballs and curious viewers to tune in to RAW or at least head online and see what’s going on.  Hopefully some lapsed fans, too.

Then on RAW, there’s a near-mutiny as almost the entire locker room comes out and demands to know what’s going to happen.  After all, the big one is why they’re all there.  Whether they want it for selfish “heel” reasons like an increase in pay and spotlight, or altruistic “face” reasons like wanting to be the best or prove themselves, they need the chance to win the WWE championship.  Vince tells them all that Punk letting his contract expire makes his championship void, that there will be a new belt, and a new tournament, and to go in the back and prepare.  Slightly acquiesced but still disgruntled, the locker room leaves.  Vince calls out John Cena, threatens the firing, only to have Triple H come out and fire Vince and announce his role as the new COO/CEO/whatever.  The show proceeds, and the episode ends with Triple H in the back telling some off-camera people that he wants the belt back.  Along the way, Punk still interrupts WWE at Comic-Con.

Now, this sets up a tournament for the new WWE championship at Summerslam, thus giving a focus for the next four RAWs, as well as giving a showcase for the whole locker room, not just the usual John Cenas and Big Shows, but gives the opportunity to have some less-seen guys get some exposure and dip their toe into having some awesome matches to the hopeful new fans checking in.

Meanwhile, at the next ROH show, CM Punk comes out at the top of the show and cuts a promo about how good it is to be back home.  (I have no idea what ROH was doing at this point, so this can be their show on HDNet if it was still going on, or an internet PPV, or house show to be released on DVD, whatever)  Shortly into his promo on how awesome he is, he can do what he wants, WWE sucks, he’s jumped by Rey Mysterio.  After being pulled apart by refs, Punk agrees to defend the title that night, and the main event is an awesome thirty-minute classic between the two resulting in a clean win by Punk and another escape through the crowd.

What’s in it for the WWE?  Imagine the buzz, both amongst the “IWC” and more mainstream outlets that there’s a rogue WWE champion walking around and defending the title outside of the company.  This is like Superman making a sudden appearance in a Captain America comic (for non-nerds, Superman is DC and Cap is Marvel).  WWE hopefully gets the eyeballs of all the indie fans that normally disregard their stuff, and maybe a cut or percentage of the ticket sales or DVDPPV sales of that particular show.

Meanwhile on next week’s RAW, Rey returns and participates in the tournament.  Triple H deals with an increasingly belligerent locker room.

Then, Punk makes an appearance in New Japan Pro Wrestling.  After cutting another promo (possibly backstage, I’ve not seen a foreign wrestling show so I have no idea if English-speaking wrestlers cut promos) based on how much he loves Japan and being in a company that values wrestlers over sports entertainers, he’s jumped by Dolph Ziggler or John Morrison, leading to another excellent match narrowly won by Punk, who again quickly absconds with the belt.  Punk then tweets a pic of a ticket to Summerslam, leading to speculation that he’ll appear.

On the RAWs leading up to Summerslam, matches are made with the tournament finals for the new WWE championship being Cena versus Mysterio or Cena versus Mysterio versus Big Show or Sheamus or something.  Not important.  The important thing is at the end when Punk shows up and stares down the victorious Cena, recreating what was his actual return just two weeks after “quitting” on RAW.

Granted, this isn’t as surefire a Summerslam main event as Cena vs. Punk II, but hopefully the turmoil on RAW, novelty of Triple H as the onscreen authority and increased buyrate of the next PPV makes up for it- the WWE unification Championship match of Cena vs. Punk.  As before, Nash can jump Punk after his victory and Del Rio can cash in the briefcase.

We scrap the Triple H vs. Punk match that happened for no reason, and that Hunter won for no reason.  Instead, we go right into Cena vs. Punk vs. Del Rio at Hell In A Cell, Punk vs. Del Rio at Survivor Series, and Punk vs. Del Rio vs. Miz at TLC, the latter two being very good matches. Eventually, you can reveal that Triple H was the one who made the call for Nash to jump Punk out of spite, instead of what was ultimately revealed… which was Nash texting himself?  From Hunter’s phone?  Which made a Nash vs. Hunter match?  I don’t know, my head started hurting around that point.  Then you can turn Triple H as a heel guy a lot quicker, which also works perfectly well with him coming back at Wrestlemania 28 to try to break Undertaker’s streak.   I’m not gonna fantasy book the next two years because… c’mon, but already I think this spins things off into more interesting new directions.  How?

1-  It teases out the “Punk as a rogue champ” storyarc longer than the two weeks it initially lasted.  This not only gives Punk more time off (something which he actually did want and didn’t get to have until this year) but also more mainstream curiosity as we saw from people like Jimmy Kimmel, GQ Magazine, Bill Simmons and Michelle Beadle.  Having it last longer also suspends disbelief more and, hopefully, leads to more buzz and ratings.

2-  It jettisons some of the things that, in retrospect, didn’t work like the aborted Punk-Nash match, setting things up as “Austin Era 2.0,” and the like.  Setting Punk up almost immediately on his return as a babyface against the mean old Johnny Ace was a little too quick of a character change and smelled too much like an old, staid organization seeking to be cool (like co-opting the Fandango meme).  Let Punk stay a tweener and be the “underground” choice while Cena remains the corporate golden boy.  And for God’s sake don’t have them tag.  It’s not like Punk got amnesia and all the issues he had were magically resolved.

3-  A new direction for the locker room, and show in general, can be spun off.  For one, it reminds viewers that technically the WWE is a league, with athletes that may have personal issues with each other, but still are normal people competing for titles.  While the normal Cenas and Mizes or whoever can advance through the tournament, you can also shine a spotlight on some of the lesser-seen superstars and gauge who the crowd might like to see more of.  For the new ROH-indie fans that previously might have sworn off the show that are now maybe checking it out, you can lure them in with matches featuring Kofi Kingston, Alberto Del Rio, Ziggler, Morrison.

4-  A new revamp for some characters.  You can set Punk up as an inspirational figure to some, turning them heel or face depending on how you go about it.  Whether it’s Evan Bourne and a debuting Antonio Cesaro working with Punk as fellow ROH grads or just a background storyarc where pure wrestlers take on corporate-backed superstars, you can shake some things up and experiment.

Finally, this can all be fit in organically.  You can still have Daniel Bryan’s rise to the top of epic heelery with AJ Lee on Smackdown, you can still have Jericho come back to face Punk at Wrestlemania, the elimination of the brand split (which you can retroactively say is Triple H inviting Smackdown guys to overthrow Punk and make it more than the “eh, why not?” that it was) all of that fits.  Worst case scenario, the ratings aren’t gonna get any lower than what they were/are.  You’re at least doing things in a more interesting way.  Best case scenario?  More and more fans, both lapsed and new, begin turning in to the increasingly unpredictable and exciting shows and PPVs and you get a new peak after the Rock N Wrestling and Attitude Era highs.  You also make the belt important again, and the focus of the company.

I dunno, this is just one guy’s half-remembered daydream like teardrops in the rain.  What say you, dear readers?topstory120x120-http://media.insidepulse.com/zones/wrestling/uploads/2013/12/CM-Punk-JSH-0096851.jpg|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-http://media.insidepulse.com/zones/wrestling/uploads/2013/12/CM-Punk-JSH-0096851.jpg|topstory500x250

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A2Z Analysiz – TNA Turning Point 2007 (Samoa Joe, Kevin Nash, Kurt Angle, AJ Styles) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/11/16/a2z-analysiz-tna-turning-point-2007-samoa-joe-kevin-nash-kurt-angle-aj-styles/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/11/16/a2z-analysiz-tna-turning-point-2007-samoa-joe-kevin-nash-kurt-angle-aj-styles/#comments Sat, 16 Nov 2013 20:00:47 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=161157 turning point 07

For a complete, easy-to-navigate archive of all of my TNA DVD reviews, please visit Total Nonstop Ziegler!

Universal Studios – Orlando, Florida – December 2, 2007

Before the show can even begin, the Angle Alliance is sitting in their locker room talking about whether or not to bring Christian Cage into the fold. Kurt Angle says he’s going to go talk to him.

Intro

That segues to the opening video package, which has some pretty creepy stuff in it, and lots of blood. Mike Tenay and Don West are on commentary, and they hype the card, featuring Scott Hall and Kevin Nash, plus a bunch of other guys.

MATCH #1: Tables Match – The Motor City Machineguns & Jay Lethal vs. Team 3D & Johnny Devine

Lethal is the current X-Division Champion, but his opponents have possession of the belt right now. You just have to put one of your opponents through a table to win this match. Brother Ray starts the match on the microphone, trying to recreate his act from the original ECW. Shelley and Devine start the match proper and I expect this one to be pretty fast paced. That’s pretty much how it goes when the good guys are in control, whereas Team 3D and Devine try to slow it down. Ray and Devon first introduce the tables, but they wind up getting one dropkicked back into their faces. In the ring the Guns double team Devine until Ray and Devon come back in. Early in the match they were tagging in and out but that just stops at one point. The Guns use a super contrived table spot to take Devine out. Both teams execute some cool spots with the tables. The referee gets knocked out, and Lethal puts Devine through a table but the ref didn’t see it. Team 3D gets back in the ring and hits everyone with the X-Division Title belt, and puts Devine on top of Lethal on the broken table. The referee comes to and calls the match in favor of Team 3D and Johnny Devine at 14:58. The number one rule of officiating is you can’t call what you can’t see, so I really hate that finish. The match was a ton of fun though.
Rating: ***

MATCH #2: Roxxi Laveaux & ODB vs. Velvet Sky & Angelina Love

Love and Laveaux start the match with some mat wrestling, and not much happens before they make tags to their partners. Sky looks noticeably smaller in the breast region. She gives ODB a wedgie, and then ODB complains to referee Andrew Thomas by giving him one as well. ODB and Laveaux take control, wearing Sky down in their half of the ring. After a couple of minutes Love makes the hot tag, and this match is confusing because I assumed the future Beautiful People were the heels but apparently that is not the case. Love and Sky work together and toss ODB to the floor. Sky then grabs Laveaux for a Side Russian Legsweep and Love adds a boot to the face to get the win at 6:06. They really put a lot of effort into the Knockouts Division in the early days.
Rating: **¼

MATCH #3: Eric Young vs. James Storm

This match is for the prestigious World Drinking Championship. Storm is accompanied by “The Pride of Tennessee” Ms. Jackie Moore. Young currently holds the title and Storm desperately wants it back. Young charges into the ring and the fight is on. Moore tries to interfere but it backfires and Young stays in control. Storm comes back and goes to work on Young’s shoulder. Both guys are showing good fire in the opening minutes. Storm slows the pace of the match down, keeping Young on the mat. He hits the Eye of the Storm and then gloats before covering for a two-count. Young fights back and takes Storm down for the Macho Elbow, but he hurts himself with that and only gets two. Storm goes for the Eight Second Ride but Young counters with a Northern Lights Suplex for a near-fall. Momentum shifts again as Storm hits a lungblower but Young kicks out again! Storm sets up for the Last Call but Young ducks and hits a powerslam for two. Moore tries to spit beer in Young’s face but she accidentally spits it in Storm’s face instead. That’s like giving spinach to Popeye. Storm tries to hit Young with the bottle but the referee stops him and Young gets a quick sunset flip for the win at 12:21. That was a really solid match with good work from two guys on the rise (at the time).
Rating: ***

MATCH #4: Feast or Fired Battle Match – Senshi, Elix Skipper, Christopher Daniels, Sonjay Dutt, Shark Boy, Lance Hoyt, Jimmy Rave, Petey Williams, Chris Harris, BG James, Kip James, Homicide, Hernandez, and Scott Steiner

Four briefcases are hanging from the corners; three of the briefcases contain title shots (one TNA World Title, one TNA X-Division Title, and one TNA World Tag Team Title Shot), and the fourth briefcase contains a pink slip. You have to pull the case down and touch the floor to gain possession of it. Hoyt and Rave are accompanied by Christy Hemme. Kip James has the most feminine tights I’ve ever seen any wrestler wear ever. The action is coming fast and furious both in and out of the ring. The tag teams naturally work together, as wear learn that the contents of the cases will be reviewed on Thursday’s episode of Impact. Williams secures the first briefcase. The brawl continues and Kip James takes a briefcase down and then hurls it to BG on the floor to avoid someone else getting control of it. BG realizes he may have just lost his job as the match continues. This is just a mess. Hernandez hurls Senshi up over his head and Senshi lands on the turnbuckle and is able to grab the third briefcase. More brawling happens and Daniels pulls down the fourth case and uses it as a weapon on Hernandez. Before he can reach the floor though, Steiner grabs the case and rolls to the floor to end the match at 11:53. That was just a mess all over the place.
Rating: *½

MATCH #5: TNA Women’s Championship Match – Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong

Kim has been the champion since 10.14.07 and this is her second defense. Kong knocks Kim off the apron and goes to the floor to start the fight. Kim is more than ready for her though as they fight around ringside. Finally they make it into the ring and the match officially begins. Kim focuses her attack on the arm but Kong cuts her off with a sleeper and swings her down to the mat. Kong simply dominates now, using her size and power advantage. Kim desperately fights back and resumes her attack on the arm but it goes nowhere. She wisely changes her attacks to a more kick-based offense, finally taking Kong off her feet with a missile dropkick! Kim follows up with a senton but it only gets two. Kong gets fired up and hits a hard back fist to the face. She chokes Kim down in the corner and when referee Andrew Thomas tries to break it up she piefaces him for the DQ at 8:40. Kong hits Thomas with a powerbomb and turns back to Kim, and even fights off Velvet Sky and Angelina Love when they try to help out. Kim takes another powerbomb and Kong looks awesomely dominant. Kong had better matches in the Knockout Division than anyone else ever did.
Rating: **¾

MATCH #6: 10,000 Tacks Match – Abyss & Raven vs. Black Reign & Rellik

Rhino was scheduled to be Abyss’s partner, but he got taken out on Impact by Reign and Rellik, so Raven stepped in to take his place. Abyss and Raven take the first advantage and I anticipate this one will be a lot of brawling. As I predicted, that’s exactly what happens. Abyss and Reign battle each other and both get busted open, while Raven and Rellik pair off elsewhere. They pretty much stay in those pairings for a while, doing sick things to each other. Abyss and Raven find some kendo sticks and introduce them into the fray. Moments later Raven hurls Reign from the apron through a tack-infested table at ringside. Raven sets Rellik up on a table and goes for an elbow but misses and crashes through the table himself. That leaves Abyss and Rellik in the ring. Rellik sets up a bunch of tacks and Abyss goes for a Chokeslam but Rellik spits mist in his eyes. Even so, Abyss is able to hit Rellik with the Black Hole Slam onto a pile of tacks to get the pin at 14:43. If you get off on hardcore matches you’ll probably really like this, so it was good for its audience, that audience just isn’t me.
Rating: **

MATCH #7: Tag Team Match – Booker T & Kaz vs. Christian Cage & Robert Roode

Cage and Roode have Ms. Brooks in their corner, while T and Kaz have Sharmell. Kaz and Cage start the match, picking up where they left off from the ladder match back at Genesis. They go back and forth briefly and then make tags. T takes control of the much less experienced Roode while a “psycho fan” (Rain, making weird faces) watches on from the dark corners of the building. Meanwhile Cage and Roode have taken the advantage. T comes back on Cage and makes the tag to Kaz, who knocks both Cage and Roode to the floor and wipes them out with a dive. Back in the ring the heels resume control. Kaz comes back with a series of pinning combinations on Roode but can’t hold him down for a pin. After several minutes Kaz hits Cage with the Wave of the Future but can’t make the tag when Roode pulls T off the apron. Tenay says that the building will explode when T gets the hot tag, but it doesn’t exactly happen that way. T dominates, hitting Cage with a missile dropkick. He signals for the Spin-a-Roonie but Roode cuts it off. The referee loses control and then Kaz and Roode blow a spot. Roode backdrops Kaz to the floor, and then T takes both Cage and Roode out with a big kick. This time T executes the Spin-a-Roonie. The referee gets distracted with Brooks and Kaz on the floor, allowing Roode to bring a chair in. Unfortunately for Roode, it backfires when T ducks and he plasters Cage with the chair. T then hits an Axe Kick to get the win at 15:56. There were some awkward spots but for the most part this was a solid, TV-type tag team match.
Rating: **¾

MATCH #8: Main Event Six Man War – Kurt Angle, Tomko & AJ Styles vs. Samoa Joe, Kevin Nash & Eric Young

Scott Hall was supposed to be with Joe and Nash, but he decided not to show up. That’s shocking. Before Joe introduces his replacement, he cuts an epic promo about the politics in TNA, and how the “Wrestlers” get the short end of the stick. He makes a comment about wrestlers coming in to “pad their pensions,” and glares right at Nash when he says it. He even tells Dixie Carter to go ahead and fire him. He says that all the X-Division guys, all the young guys stood up and volunteered to join him, but he’s chosen “Showtime” Eric Young.

Angle is the current TNA World Champion, while Styles and Tomko are the TNA World Tag Team Champions. Joe and Styles start the match, and Joe dominates before quickly tagging Young. A frustrated Styles tags the World Champion into the match. Young actually keeps the advantage and tags Nash, so Angle scurries over and tags Tomko. The big men face off and Nash wins round one with a big boot to the face. Tomko tags Styles, who charges right into a side slam. Young tags back in and hits Styles with the Wheelbarrow Neckbreaker but it only gets two. Styles fights back with a Pele while Young was on the top rope. He tries a superplex but Young counters it with a gourdbuster. Nash and Angle tag in and the match breaks down to a brawl. Joe, Young, Styles, and Tomko brawl to the floor. Meanwhile Angle locks Nash in the Ankle Lock. Joe gets back in the ring and considers his options, but eventually breaks the hold to save Nash. The match breaks down again and Nash hits Angle with the Jackknife. Styles breaks it up and then gets dumped to the floor. Joe hits Tomko with an enziguiri and Young follows with a Death Valley Driver. Young then whips Joe into Tomko in the corner, and Joe comes out with the Muscle Buster to get the pin at 9:33. Because it was so short they packed a lot of good stuff into a short amount of time. Joe’s promo is more memorable than the match, but the match was still really fun.
Rating: ***¼

BONUS MATCH: Robert Roode, Christian Cage, AJ Styles, Tomko & Kurt Angle vs. Kaz, Eric Young, Booker T, Kevin Nash & Samoa Joe, Impact, 12.6.07

Styles and Kaz start this huge tag team match. They go back and forth a bit and then give way to T and Angle. The crowd is amped up for this one. Young and Cage are the next to go, and Young hangs with him. Remember when they were pushing him? Tomko comes in next and Nash comes to Young’s aid and clotheslines Tomko to the floor. Nash throws Roode to the floor too, and moves for Kaz to hit them with a dive. Big Daddy Cool then teases a dive of his own, but of course that doesn’t happen. I like Nash. We go to commercial break and come back to Cage beating on Young. The Angle Alliance isolates Young and keeps him away from his partners. Finally Joe gets the hot tag and he is on fire. Tomko and Joe trade powerslams, and then clothesline each other. Joe makes the tag to Nash, and he unloads on everyone. The referee loses control, with bodies flying all over the place. Somewhere in all the chaos Nash hits Roode with the Jackknife to get the win for his team at 11:38 (shown). That was a good TV main event tag team match and a solid showcase for the top guys at the time.
Rating: ***topstory120x120-http://media.insidepulse.com/zones/wrestling/uploads/2010/04/a2z500-120×120.jpg|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-http://media.insidepulse.com/zones/wrestling/uploads/2010/04/a2z500.jpg|topstory500x250

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That Being Said, Readers Choice: WCW One Night Stand (or TNA Impact – January 4, 2010) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/11/15/that-being-said-readers-choice-wcw-one-night-stand-or-tna-impact-january-4-2010/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/11/15/that-being-said-readers-choice-wcw-one-night-stand-or-tna-impact-january-4-2010/#comments Fri, 15 Nov 2013 12:00:04 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=161413 Welcome to the very first edition of That Being Said, Reader’s Choice, where readers will vote or choose what I recap next. I’d like to thank everyone who voted.

In addition to that, it’s a chance for me to pay back a couple of the people I owe recaps to. This edition, which covers the infamous first epeisode of TNA Impact from 2010, is for my good buddy and longtime DDT-era compadre, Mr. Martin Shaw.

 

Introduction

Most people voted for upcoming shows, and the other two I’ll be doing are TNA’s return / limp back to the Impact Zone, and Survivor Series 2013, brought to you by whatever drugs Vince was on when he thought Big Show should get another main event run, and by Dusty Rhodes forgetting to use birth control a couple times in the 70’s and 80’s. So I’d like to especially thank Martin for picking this show – at first I was naturally enraged, but then I remembered that this is something different – going back in time and picking a historically significant show and looking at it through the lens of today. Besides, TNA recaps were how I got my start on Inside Pulse. And even after I quit doing those, my interest in TNA continued to go above and beyond logic, on occasion even inciting me to actually watch the odd bit of current TNA programming, before going into seclusion for months to reflect on my obviously-flawed decision-making process.

There are a lot of moments in TNA history that I felt led them down the path they continue on currently, but I feel that there have been a great deal more since the show in question that I’m about to cover, and despite the numerous lows that came before this, I also feel that this show in particular is what started the final slide into their current decline, and was the catalyst for all the lows since this point. Immortal, Montreal Screwjob 47, Aces & Eights, and who even knows what else – none of those would have happened if not for what took place on this show.

A couple months before this show happened, TNA were so excited to re-ignite the Monday Night Wars and give WWE some competition that they even momentarily forgot that TNA Founder Jeff Jarrett cuckolded their biggest star, Kurt Angle, who tore apart half of Pittsburgh when he found out – at least they forgot until later that year, when they turned it into a worked shoot, which was a concept outdated back when Edge cuckolded Matt Hardy back in 2005. Anyway, they had a brand new (old) era of talent coming in, more than anyone even realized, and more importantly than anything else, they now had Hulk Hogan. They had the biggest star in the history of professional wrestling, who said he was going to – and I’m quoting him here – “gracefully look at the product from the sidelines with respect, and add what he could.”

Disenfranchised or unhappy WWE fans and TNA fans became excited at the very idea of an alternative product on the professional landscape, even though that alternative product had already existed for nearly a decade… but really, who could be bothered to tune in when it wasn’t a Monday? Yes, emotions of the TNA fans were like Jeff Hardy – irrationally high and about to collapse. And ever since this show took place, even moreso than before, TNA has become like Shaemus, Mark Henry, Wade Barrett and The Miz – annoying, pointless, and as time goes on, more and more people learn to ignore them.

 

It’s hard to believe that this show took place almost 4 years ago. So before we begin, a word about time.

I’m against it.

Given my history covering TNA, I suppose it’s only appropriate that I cover this show at some point. But what I’m looking forward to most is looking at this show in the light of everything that’s taken place since then, especially given TNA’s current situation – many stars gone (for better or worse), the show has been taken off the road and the company is allegedly for sale. I’m not trying to say that TNA is doomed for sure, or trying to make them out to be the wrestling equivalent of Rome – after all, Rome had good infrastructure. Regardless, it’s my opinion that the majority of what’s happening now truly started here. My guess is that watching it, I will find this ridiculous episode of Impact more relevant to their current situation than ever.

Because it’s somewhat of a historical footnote, this show has already been covered at length by the internet’s wrestling writers – in fact, some of the funniest recaps you’ll find anywhere refer to this one show. My personal favourites are from Pulse’s own Andrew Wheeler, Scott Keith, and FD Swayze’s recap at our old stomping grounds (sadly this one is lost to the ravages of time.) I haven’t seen this show since it originally aired, and I’m going to attempt to present my own unique take on it, but really – the show can’t be called anything other than what it already has been, so my take on much of it probably won’t vary much from what’s already been said. I am, however, including some comments from some special guests, some thoughts from Andrew Wheeler and Scott Keith (taken from their recaps when the show originally aired) as well a retrospective look at some of the things that happened on the show and how they relate to TNA today.

Now, this is the only paragraph from the intro that’s being written after I’ve recapped the actual show – as a heads up, I ended up having a lot more to say about this Impact than I originally thought I would. It turned into much more of a commentary on what this show meant for TNA going forward, and for this reason I think it’s more than just a simple recap. I only bring this up to warn you that it’s QUITE long – probably too long – so I wanted to apologize in advance for that. Also, for this reason, it took a little longer to do than I had planned, and I’m sorry about that as well.

I’lI tell you what I won’t apologize for – the finished product. I’m not taking any kind of credit here – those of you that are familiar with me know that I rarely compliment my own work, but I believe this is worth the wait and the read. And it’s not because of me – it’s because TNA truly went above and beyond to create an absolutely surreal clusterfuck of a 3-hour show that changed the very nature of how Hulk Hogan was paid, and how wrestling fans characterize train wrecks. Especially after re-watching it, I can tell you I’m not over-selling here – as far as wrestling or TNA shows go, this is has GOT to be one of the most ridiculous ones. It’s the wrestling equivalent of The Blair Witch Project – two hours of watching TNA get lost in the woods, followed by an hour of motion sickness. So even though I’m not taking credit for how awesome this is, I can tell you that lots of work went into covering and capsulizing all the crazy shit that went down here.

So please – don’t read this on the toilet, or you will break my heart.

And for your old buddy BD – let’s keep this review at least 30 feet away from folks at TNA Insider.

 

Some thoughts from the past before we start.

2010 SCOTT KEITH: I figure a spectacular trainwreck is just as good as a great show as far as entertainment value goes.

2010 ANDREW WHEELER: I figured I would try to give them (TNA) a shot. Chances are I’m going to bury the product, but maybe they’ll shock me and pull out a great show.

Now… LET’S CROSS THE LINE! (Or whatever their hackneyed buzz-wordy catchphrase was at this point.)

 

WCW “One Night Stand / TNA Impact “Time For A Change” – Monday January 4th, 2010

HOUR 1

We get a historical video of TNA to start, with shots of Harley Race, Ricky Steamboat, and… Jeff Jarrett bullying Toby Keith. Okay then. The narrator says “Who thought… it was ever possible.” Then a graphic comes up that says “It was possible.” Then the narrator says “Who thought anyone… would even care.” Then a graphic comes up that says “Everyone will care.” So TNA is having an argument with itself, or at least between it’s narrator and graphics department, in it’s opening video package. It then highlights Sting, Kurt Angle, Mick Foley and Kevin Nash coming to TNA, and showing more famous names is definitely a nice touch for people tuning in who aren’t already familiar with the TNA product. Then the narrator says “Tonight… a new era begins.” and the video package turns into Hulkamania. I’m not sure “new” is entirely accurate, but this show definitely turned the next few years of TNA into the Hogan Era. The narrator says “The unimaginable… is now the inevitable.” and Hulk Hogan says that they’re now“going to battle with the WWE”, as this was the start of their short-lived attempt to go to Monday night against RAW. Literally less than a minute-thirty into the show, and they already mentioned WWE by name. The narrator waxes more philosophical nonsense and Hulk Hogan talks about how they’re going to revolutionize wrestling. We are off to an awesome start.

Impact opening video hits, with a horrible song to go along with it. The video they used was pretty good, though. Jesus, who the fuck booked this shit-hole arena? Oh right, this was the Impact Zone days, before they branched out, and before they branch back IN sometime over the next few weeks, since branching out didn’t go so well for them. Mike Tenay and Taz are your announcers, and they say Hulk Hogan’s name about 150 times, and for some reason they have about 4 empty bottles of 5 Hour Energy Shots on the announce desk. That can’t be healthy.

Taz tells Tenay that they have a new broadcast partner – Bubba The Love Sponge! Oh man, so much of this I had forgotten. So I guess we have our first new TNA employee on this show that fizzled out quickly and garnered absolutely nothing for the company. Bubba asks one fan what he wants to see from TNA, and the fan says he wants to see some old-school wrestling and not the “kid (censored)” we see nowadays, referring to WWE. Less than five minutes in, and they’ve referred to WWE twice. He wants to see what he saw when he was a kid, stuff like Hulk Hogan versus Andre The Giant and The Ultimate Warrior. Bubba then asks the same question to a drunk-looking woman – at least I thought she was a woman until I heard Alec Baldwin’s voice come out of her. Jesus, that caught me off guard. She says she wants to see “those sexy wrestlers” in her deep man-voice. She then says “they’re hot, they’re sweaty, they’re big and I love it!” Another fan says that “pro wrestling is going to change… and Hulkamania is coming. Vince McMahon, you have no idea what’s coming atcha, brother. Watch out.” We’re up to three WWE references in just over five minutes. A drunk teenager slurs a bunch of the same noise and says “WWE sucks”. Four WWE references, still under six minutes. Bubba then asks a fairly normal looking female fan “what can TNA do for a hot 21-year old like yourself?” which is, like… yeah. If you pause the video at 5:12, the girl looks like she’s about to burst out laughing after he asks the question. She then says the same “no more kid stuff” thing (five WWE references, still under six minutes in) and says she wants blood and chairs. Another fan says that this is the year of TNA wrestling, and flashes… a poorly-drawn TNA tattoo on his wrist. I’m not even making a joke at this poor guy’s expense. He has much bigger problems. A fan dressed like Hulk Hogan says he’d follow Hogan “into the gates of hell” (which is appropriate, given the circumstances here) and says that “Vince McMahon, you have no idea what’s coming, brother!” (Six WWE references, still under six minutes in. That’s more than one per minute.) I fucking LOVE this show.

ANDREW WHEELER: Fans keep saying that Vince McMahon doesn’t know what’s coming. I’m pretty sure he does, since the bulk of the roster consists of people he fired or passed on.

SCOTT KEITH: Note to TNA: Don’t talk to your “fans” outside the free arena, talk to people who pay money to watch the product.

4 YEARS LATER… Bubba The Love Spounge has not been employed by TNA for at least 3 years and 10 months, and since that time Hulk Hogan had sex with his wife on camera before suing him. Vince McMahon has not been affected by TNA in any way, shape or form, and the guy with the TNA tattoo on his wrist has had to wear a long-sleeve shirt every single day of his life.

 

Steel Asylum Match
The Motor City Machine Guns .vs. Lethal Consequences .vs. World Elite .vs. Suicide? .vs. … wait, what? Amazing Red?

Fuck, I remember this. I totally forgot this match was first. I can’t remember how they did the teams like this though, they announced all the teams together, but then Suicide and Amazing Red separately. Taz clears this up by for me by saying that this is NOT a tag-team match, which I nearly missed, so I’m sure others did as well. This could have been avoided by not having all the teams come out together, not being introduced by the ring announcer as a team, and not having the graphic displaying the name of the team as opposed to the names of the individual competitors. But Mike Tenay says they can “work as teams”. You know, so there’s no confusion that new viewers (which this show was all about attracting) won’t understand.

All right.

Fine.

MC Escher Steel Birdcage Asylum From Hell Match
Alex Shelley .vs. Chris Sabin .vs. Jay Lethal .vs. Consequences Creed .vs. Homicide .vs. Kiyoshi .vs. Suicide .vs. Amazing Red (c)

Tenay explains the X-Division concept, and the Machine Guns look about as enthused as an aging prostitute. Homicide and Kiyoshi look fired up, I forgot how cut that Creed guy was, and that Jay Lethal was still rocking the Macho Man gimmick. Taz calls the Steel Asylum a “career shortener”. Amazing Red was TNA X-Division Champion at the time.

So, if you didn’t know what the “Asylum” cage is, then join the club, because I never did before I saw this either. It’s basically a giant red birdcage, with really thick bars. I mention the thick bars because they make it impossible to tell what’s going on inside. Then the action starts, and Mike Tenay starts talking about how Mick Foley was denied access into the Impact Zone. Normally that would be annoying, but here it doesn’t matter because you can’t actually see anything going on in the match anyway, thanks to the cage. They do have several shots that manage to get inside the cage somehow, so you can catch a glimpse of something, but they don’t stay there long and they don’t do it often. What I do catch is Homicide doing a beatdown on Red, Lethal doing a backbreaker on Sabin, and Suicide attempting to escape a couple times. Taz asks the question “how the hell are you supposed to get out of this thing?” I’m guessing this wasn’t the first time this question got asked that day, but I’m also guessing that question was never answered.

A few more things happen that I can’t make out (seriously, I’m not trying to be hard on it, I literally can’t see what’s happening) and then they show Lethal Consequences working as a team and one telling the other to go up, even though that makes no sense because it’s not a tag-team match and the win only counts for the guy who actually gets out. Which I guess would only matter if anyone could actually get out. A couple guys are climbing up, Lethal and one of the Machineguns, and the crowd is chanting for Shelley, because Shelley is awesome. They fight and one falls… fuck, I don’t know man. Tenay says Shelley is at “that difficult part of the climb” where he has to climb upside down and backwards. Lethal goes and takes Shelley off the cage, and Suicide tosses down Red before Lethal hits a great backbreaker / codebreaker combo on Suicide. Kiyoshi then ruins somebody’s shit and Red (at least I think it’s Red – it also doesn’t help that Kiyoshi, Red and The Guns all have similar hairstyles and are wearing very similar tights – red tights, which blend in with the giant red birdcage) takes Homicide down hard with a swinging DDT.

More stuff I can’t see happens, and the crowd is alarmingly quiet for a spotfest. A few more people try to climb, and I manage to make out Red doing a rana on Sabin. Kiyoshi then holds out Red for Homicide, and Homicide brandishes some manner of club and nails him with it. Homicide then turns on Kiyoshi and hits him with the same club, before doing the same to a bunch of other people in there. The crowd is booing, and the announcer says the referee has ruled the match a “No Contest”.

Winner: BotchaMania

I fucking LOVE this show. So, then… for some reason… even though it’s already a “no contest” and he can’t possibly win now, Homicide still tries to climb out of the birdcage. Taz tries to explain this, but gives up on the explanation halfway through the sentence. The crowd is chanting “this is bullshit” and I never heard that chant in wrestling before this show. This was so bad that the live crowd literally invented a chant to illustrate how much they hated it. The other competitors all get up at the same time and start climbing after him. This proves to be fruitless, as Homicide can’t climb out of this stupid thing anyway (although he does get close) and he falls to the mat. Then the wrestlers come back down after him, look confused, stall for a bit, and then start beating on him as some music hits.

Fans are confused, because I’m guessing most of them don’t know this horrible music, but it’s Jeff Hardy’s old TNA theme from when he was there years and years ago. It’s quite literally one of the worst songs ever produced by human beings. He’d have been better off coming out to a song from Randy Savage’s rap album. Jeff Hardy then enters through the crowd, several months after departing WWE and getting charged with having enough drugs on him to fuel a cartel war. This doesn’t get much of a reaction from the live crowd at first, because no one recognizes the music and I think it took a few minutes for people to figure out what was going on and who had showed up. Once they do realize though, he gets quite a good reaction.

By the time he makes it to ringside, Homicide has somehow made it out of the MC Escher Birdcage (?) and he attacks Hardy. They awkwardly brawl for a bit around the little space by the birdcage that they have, and then up the ramp. Hardy hits Homicide with a nice chairshot (there you go, 21-year-old hot girl) and a Twist Of Fate. Taz marvels at the fact that Jeff Hardy is in TNA (again) and the other wrestlers in the birdcage all stare at Hardy. He climbs up the birdcage and sits atop it. He has no fear of the other wrestlers getting to him, because it’s impossible to get out. Still no idea how Homicide got out. Tenay goes all Michael Cole over the situation.

This was THEIR FIRST MATCH in THE NEW TNA, and the first match of the NEW Monday Night War. There’s so much to say about this that I don’t even know where to begin. I think the description speaks for itself. I’m not going to do this with every segment, but I know this opening segment went up against Bret Hart returning and facing off against Shawn Michaels on WWE. So at least several stars who could have been great up-and-comers for TNA went up against a retired, non-wrestling stroke victim and a guy who was literally months away retiring himself… and TNA actually managed to be worse. That’s a serious accomplishment. That’s the kind of accomplishment that requires a mission statement going in.

ANDREW WHEELER: The fans are chanting “bullshit”, and this company deserves to die. All of the potential goodwill they had going into this is dead and gone. TNA gave us a pretty awful opening match but they gave us our first “surprise”. Jeff Hardy is back, and how many times do fans need to get screwed over by a guy before they abandon him? On an unrelated note, Hulk Hogan will be on the show tonight.

SCOTT KEITH: What the holy fuck was that? Crowd chants “This is bullshit” and I have to agree. Bet WWE is happy about that after promoting Jeff Hardy’s new DVD set. Why Homicide doesn’t just kill Suicide so that they’ll both be happy?

4 YEARS LATER… Alex Shelley, Jay Lethal, Consequences Creed, Homicide, Kiyoshi, and Amazing Red are no longer with TNA. That’s 6 out of the 8 competitors on the first match in THE NEW TNA that are not with the company 4 years later, possibly 7 if you include whoever was playing Suicide. So, I guess Taz was kind of right when he called the Asylum Cage a “career shortener”, at least in terms of being employed by TNA. Also, Jeff Hardy and Homicide never ran into each other again, to my knowledge.

Commercial.

 

After the break, we replay the Hardy re-debut. Then…

ANDREW WHEELER: Jeff walks to the back and high fives his Brutus Beefcake, Shannon Moore.

Unfortunately for Shannon, this was the extent of his usefulness during his entire time in TNA.

Mike Tenay and Taz get excited about Hulk Hogan showing up later, since he’s going to, and again, I’m quoting him here – “gracefully look at the product from the sidelines and add what he can.”

Then, they cut to Hulk Hogan, gracefully driving down the highway with respect… in a limo with accompanied by a twenty-police-car motorcade.

Backstage, Christy Hemme is interviewing Kevin Nash, and for some reason, she feels him up before she lets him talk. Allrighty then. He flirts with her, talks about how it’s an epic night for TNA, how he’s looking forward to seeing an old friend, and let me tell you, this motherfucker is HIGH. Nash says he’s the smartest guy in wrestling, and that whatever company Hulk works for ends up being #1, so this must mean that TNA is on it’s way to being #1. (Like I said, he’s high.) He then says that with higher numbers comes more money, that he’s going to work for the #1 promotion in wrestling again, and make more money than he ever has in his life. Zero out of three. He then says he just talked to Hulk on the phone, and that Hulk’s on his way… but that he’s not coming alone.

TNA Knockouts Championship Match
Tara (c) .vs. ODB

Tara has her tarantula with her, and ODB jumps her before the bell. She does her usual weird (but unique) thing, and works on Tara in the corner. She then runs into an elbow from Tara and gets clotheslined. They trade punches, while Taz and Tenay talk about Hulk Hogan. Tara with an enziguri, a body slam, and a nice standing moonsault – this gets her a 2-count. She then ducks an ODB charge and hits the tarantula hold on the ropes. Then she hits a nice springboard leg drop and gets another 2. ODB tries to put her on her shoulders, but Tara escapes and actually lifts the big girl up for a power bomb, which is impressive, but ODB breaks out of it and rolls her up, with a handful of tights, and pins. They had to censor Tara’s ass being shown.

Winner & New TNA Knockouts Champion: ODB

Match was less than 3 minutes long. Beats most Diva matches and Birdcage From Hell, which I know is setting the bar as high as Kevin Nash apparently is. Tara jumps her after the bell and hits her nice-looking finisher, before getting her tarantula out of the cage and putting it on the fallen ODB. She grabs the Knockouts Title and holds it up. The announcers naturally pay little attention to this because they’re told there’s another LIMO pulling up to the arena!

Ric Flair gets out of the limo to a huge pop. He shakes hands with Beer Money and some staff members. Ahahahahahahahaha.

ANDREW WHEELER: A limo arrives and Ric Flair walks out to greet the wrestlers and a little bit of me dies inside. What a fool he is. What a complete fool.

SCOTT KEITH: RIC FLAIR. I would not have bet on that one.

4 YEARS LATER… I believe this show took place less than a year after Ric Flair had been given the biggest and most prestigious retirement treatment that professional wrestling has ever given anyone. Today, Flair has been back in WWE for over a year, and Tara is no longer with TNA.

Commercial.

 

Taz and Tenay are still shocked about Ric Flair showing up, and apparently he went into AJ Styles’ locker room. It’s funny how much you forget about from a show as crazy as this.

They cut to some footage from earlier that day, where Christy Hemme is interviewing some more fans outside the arena. It’s possible they fired Bubba The Love Sponge so fast that they actually had to send Christy Hemme back in time to replace him. (Also, apparently without spellcheck I would be unable to spell “sponge”.) Some girl is talking about how great Hogan is, but then Christy abandons the crowd to chase after Mick Foley, who is on his way into the arena. Christy asks him if he got “the memo” and Foley explains the memo said he was to be barred from the arena so he couldn’t be “disruptive”. Foley tells Dixie, Hulk, and all the TNA employees that he understands why they would ban him, and he knows that he’s said some things in the past may lead them to think that he’d be disruptive. He says he will be on his best behaviour, and just wants to be part of the show. He then walks up to the gate, but security stops him cold. Well, that was a brief crusade.

“The Boss” Bobby Lashley and his wife Crystal come out, to THE WEAKEST PYRO YOU’VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE. Mike Tenay talks about how impressed he is at Bobby Lashley’s ability to juggle his respective MMA and TNA careers. The crowd chants for Bobby, while Crystal says that tonight is the biggest night in TNA history. She says that Bobby wanted to send a personal message to Hulk Hogan – that Bobby Lashley is a star in TNA and MMA, and the crowd starts to boo him. She then says that “unlike MMA, wrestling is filled with inbred, toothless degenerates.” Awesome! Crystal then tells the crowd to shut up when they boo her, and that tonight, Bobby is asking for his immediate release from his TNA contract because they have better things to do. She says to take one last look at Bobby, because it’s the last time we’re ever going to see him on TNA. Music hits, promo over. I fucking LOVE this show.

SCOTT KEITH: Bobby wants out of TNA so he can go make real money doing MMA. Yes, the angle is that the guy doesn’t want to be here.

ANDREW WHEELER: Bobby Lashley fake quitting – I’m lost. Yes, I know it was character development, but your new fans don’t know that.

4 YEARS LATER… So, I think it’s pretty understandable why Wheeler thought back then that the Lashley thing was character development. That would have been bad enough, but it turns out that – actually no, it wasn’t even that. The guy actually just quit and this is how they actually wrote him off TV. Wikipedia tells me that he showed up for the next couple weeks, beat up a couple guys so that Bischoff would fire him, and then he apologized for reasons not well explained, and then Bischoff fired him anyway. Lots of people think that Birdcage From Hell, the nWo Retirement Home segment from later, or the Jeff Jarrett return coming up soon were the worst and / or funniest parts of the show. I disagree. This takes the cake for me. Lashley wanted to go focus on his MMA career, so they had him show up, insult the fans and the company, beat up some guys, apologize, and then get fired. No one beat him and it accomplished nothing other than making TNA look even more amateur than they already made themselves look. Look, I know Lashley was kind of a big deal in WWE for a short while, but I think as soon as he was gone we found out how much of an impact him leaving WWE actually had, and he had even less impact than THAT in TNA. And yet, rather than just not showing him on the NEW TNA, which your casual and new fans probably wouldn’t have even noticed, they had him go on, insult the fans and the company, beat up a few guys… and leave. That was their plan. What did they think it would accomplish? Who can even tell.

 

No time to concentrate on that, though. Backstage, a camera dude is going up Velvet Sky’s legs.

VELVET SKY: Follow me, Mr. Cameraman. What I’m about to show you will have your eyes thanking you for the rest of your life, if the camera doesn’t melt first.

Sorry… “your eyes thanking you?” That’s something Karl Pilkington would say. Anyway, we follow her into the room, and my eyes don’t thank me, they’re just confused, because the room is so poorly lit that I can’t see a fucking thing. There’s one small light in the centre that shows a poker table. Everything else is pitch black. There’s a couple other girls back there with Velvet – I think one of them is the one that got repeatedly date-raped by that time-travelling British girl, and the other one is… I don’t know. That girl. The one that was in TNA. You know, the one with the tits. Velvet says that since this is such a big night and Hogan’s on the show and they’re on Mondays now, they wanted to make a big impression. She asks the other girl what’s “big on TV”.

And then, I shit you not:

GIRL WITH TITS: Poker shows.
VELVET: That’s right. So we decided, since poker shows are so popular today, that we were going to make one of our own – live, without a net.
OTHER GIRL: Who’s Annette? Is she hot?
VELVET: Sweetie, just look at your cards, and let’s get through this hand.

They then start to play the hand, because they’ve decided to start their own poker show in the middle of a fairly important wrestling show that the wrestling company they work for is having. They then fight about one girl wanting to have five cards. You would think, given the amount of meat on such a conflict, that it would be over briefly. It isn’t. But it’s also very hard to tell what they’re saying or what’s going on since they’re talking over each other and the lighting is horrible. So maybe it’s just a really sophisticated type of comedic conflict that a simpleton like myself just doesn’t understand. The resolution to this conflict is that they end up giving the dumb girl five cards, but it’s for a very good reason – because she’s pretty. Which makes it totally impossible to play a hand of poker, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT FUNNY! GET IT?!?! Then, it turns out that none of them actually understand how to play poker in the first place, so they just tell the dumb girl she lost and that she has to take off her clothes because they decided “they don’t have anything to bet with” since TNA pays their female employees about as well as Sunglass Hut (where Velvet Sky actually had a part-time job when this show aired, no joke).

I fucking LOVE this show. So then, they make the dumb girl take off her jacket and tell the cameraman that they’re going to be there all night playing strip poker. If you’re into this sort of thing and want to check it out, I’d advise you not to bother, because even if they got butt-ass naked you’d still never be able to see a thing due to the lighting.

This segment may as well have had Vince Russo in the back with a giant sign that read “okay, so we know this isn’t funny, but look! TITS!!!” Although the room was really dark, so they actually may have done that and I just don’t realize it. It’s impossible to tell.

ANDREW WHEELER: Hey, remember when ECW did this? Apparently Vince Russo did.

I fucking LOVE this show.

Commercial.

 

Scott Hall and X-Pac (I have to deal with the announcers calling him Sean Waltman, but really, fuck typing that out each time) are outside the arena. I’m not sure about X-Pac, but Hall is quite clearly drunk. They talk about how Hogan and Nash are there and it’s time to party “old school style”. They try to head in, but security stops them. Hall deals with this by choking the security dude, and then a fight breaks out between them and eight security guards. Taz and Tenay discuss this, and Tenay goes “Jeff Hardy and Ric Flair? Obviously invited. Scott Hall and Sean Waltman? Not so much.” The thing is, they obviously were invited, because there they fucking are.

Mike Tenay then makes a very important announcement.

ANDREW WHEELER: TNA is the #1 trending topic on Twitter. Well, Vince should just pack it up.

They then continue with Hulk Hogan’s first few segments on TNA, which so far consist of him being on his way to the arena, an hour late, with respect, for some reason accompanied by cops. Why the hell would a wrestler need a police escort?

Commercial.

We then get the THIRD segment in the “Hulk Hogan’s ride to the arena” trilogy. The announcers say the limos are just outside the arena now. Then another limo pulls up, someone gets out of THAT limo… AND INTO HULK HOGAN’S LIMO. Feel the intrigue. I fucking LOVE this show. Then the other limo pulls away while Hulk’s limo continues driving, even though Tenay just said they were already outside the arena. Taz and Tenay spend about 30 seconds analyzing this.

ANDREW WHEELER: I haven’t seen this many limos since… WCW.

Scott Hall and X-Pac then walk through the crowd in the Impact Zone (although with Hall, it’s really more of a stagger.) So… Foley doesn’t get violent, and he can’t get in. Hall and X-Pac brawl with security guards and not only get in, but apparently get ringside seats because of it.

ANDREW WHEELER: Fantastic security ya got there, TNA. You can keep out Foley, but not a drunkard and a pothead.

ANOTHER commercial.

 

HOUR 2

We’re back with Tenay and Taz, who are still talking about Hulk Hogan arriving.

And then… he does. Of course, he points at a plant sign that says “Vince Fears Hogan”. They also show Hulk’s daughter, Brooke Hogan, and Hulk Hogan’s girlfriend, who is basically Hulk’s daughter, Brooke Hogan. I will admit, at the time I was intrigued to see Hulk Hogan on TNA television. But the novelty of it wore off before he even hit the ring. Granted, he walks pretty slow now, but it didn’t take THAT long. Hogan milks the reaction for a while, and the announcers talk about how monumental it is. To be fair, the TNA fans ARE going apeshit for him.

Hogan gets in the ring with some odd lighting, opens with “What’s up, TNA Maniacs?!” and then he starts with the bullshit right away. He says there’s a bunch of young and old talent in the back who are ready to go and make TNA the #1 company in the world. Hogan then says he’s been in the back… all day… dealing with TNA talent. Wait, what? He then says he spent all day hearing everyone’s ideas… okay, I thought he just showed up in the limo

Andrew, Scott, someone help me out here?

ANDREW WHEELER: How the hell was he there all day but just now arrived in the building with a police escort? So what TNA is telling me is that Hulk Hogan took his own car to the Impact Zone, met all of the wrestlers, shook hands with Consequences Creed and Jesse Neal, got back in his rented Taurus, drove to his hotel, got picked up by a limo with a police escort, drove back to the arena – a drive that took over an hour (Orlando traffic is bad but not THAT bad) just to make an entrance? Screw Matt Morgan, Hogan’s carbon footprint must be HUGE.

Okay. Just making sure I heard that correctly. I don’t think I caught that on the first viewing of this show. I guess that’s understandable since I was cheering my tuckus off for all the great matches they’ve had so far.

Hulk Hogan says that when he walked out here, heard the reaction and “felt the power of TNA”, that “this was his dream come true”.

I fucking LOVE this show. I forgot how awesome this segment was. That’s fucking hilarious!

Anyway, Scott Hall and X-Pac jump the…

ANDREW WHEELER: Again, I need to pause. His dream was to abandon 30,000 seat arenas to go exploit a clueless company for money and subsequently perform in front of about as many people as would pack into a bingo hall in Philly that he wouldn’t spit on if it were on fire? Sure, this completely makes sense to me.

… anyway, Scott Hall and X-Pac jump the barricade as Hogan is talking. Security tries to stop them – Hogan tells security to back off, and that if Hall and X-Pac have something to say, they should get in the ring. This gets a huge pop as well. They get in the ring and give Hogan the old nWo salute. Hall gives the old “hey, yo” to another giant pop (I will admit to still loving that, and yes I realize that overrides logic and taste.) Hogan cuts him off right there and says he’s all about the party, and Hall says that’s why they’re there. Hogan says that if they have something to say, that they should say it right now. Hall counters this by offering his “say… hello… to the bad guy!” catchphrase, because that should get his point across.

So… Hall looks REALLY loaded. Even more than I thought before. He evidences this by saying that when he and Pac heard that “Easy E”, Hulk Hogan, and Kevin Nash were there, they knew that meant big paycheques, big sold out arenas, and big parties. Then, he just looks around confused, like he can’t understand why they aren’t partying right now. And, he spoiled that Bischoff was going to be there, even though TNA used the Nash interview and the limo segment building it up as a surprise. Between Hogan basically destroying the logic of his own “on his way to the arena during the whole first hour of the show” segments by saying he was already at the arena all day and now this, that’s two major flubs in this one segment. I fucking LOVE this show.

Hulk tells them that it’s a different time and a different place, and that it doesn’t work that way anymore. The crowd eats this up, and Pac grabs the mic, and I actually don’t think he’s drunk, but it does seem like he’s probably on some manner of prescription pills, that he probably got from his fully licensed doctor, who is probably a glorified bartender. Pac says that it is exactly the same now, because it’s the same people, and that they’re here to “par-tay”.

ANDREW WHEELER: I shit you not, he said “par-tay”. I haven’t seen X-Pac in years and I already hate him.

Hogan re-iterates that that’s not how it’s going to be this time. Hall then verbally blows Hogan for a minute, but says that things are changing. Hulk says that it’s time to grow up and “do the right thing for business.”

ANDREW WHEELER: Ya hear that AWA, WWE, WCW, TNA (the first time), Australia Tour, American Gladiators and Linda Hogan? He’s gonna do the right thing!

The crowd chants for Hogan again, and Hall seems to back off a bit before then telling Hogan that things will change with him, or without him.

SCOTT KEITH: What? Can I get some sort of carny-to-English dictionary to decode this bullshit segment?

Some generic music hits, and Kevin Nash comes out. This makes Hall & X-Pac happy, and Hogan does not look pleased. He gets in the ring, hugs Pac and gives Hall the Wolfpac salute, and then tries to calm everyone down. He tells Scott and “Kid” (yet another term for X-Pac) that Hulk has a role to play, so they should let him play it. Hogan again says that he made a promise to Dixie and that he’s here to do the right thing. The crowd eats this up AGAIN, and Nash that he’s been talking to Hogan for 5 or 6 weeks on the phone, and that’s not the conversation he remembers having with Hulk. He asks Hulk when he turned corporate, and Hall and X-Pac react like he called Hogan gay or something. Hogan says it’s not about going corporate, and that they are his brothers “4 life”, but they need to do this “4 real”. Hall staggers into X-Pac, who staggers into Nash, and they act like they’re going to jump Hogan. Nash tries to calm them all down… and then Eric Bischoff’s music hits.

ANDREW WHEELER: I can’t make this stuff up. We’re talking about new and exciting and I’m watching the New World Order in a ring.

Bischoff says it’s been a while, and that this brings back memories. He says that they’re the guys who revolutionized wrestling, “took the 800-lb gorilla, put him in a monkey suit, put him in a cage and spanked him”. Okay, that’s… weird. And, another WWE reference. Nicely done. Dixie Carter is watching and shaking her head, and Bischoff said he put this “band” together in the first place, and that he has experience here. Eric says there’s bean a breakdown in communication, and it immediately seems like this conversation should be taking place at a staff meeting in the back, possibly with one of those HR people who make you do exercises like falling backwards so someone will catch you. Whatever it is, it doesn’t need to be televised.

Pac is confused. Eric says he will explain – he says everyone has to earn their position in TNA, I guess aside from him and Hulk. The Wolfpac confers about this, and they seem amused. Nash is cool, he says he hears Eric loud and clear, and that he’ll talk to him later. They leave.

It gets awkward, and then after the Wolfpac leaves, Hogan repeats what Eric says and states that everyone has to earn their spot in TNA, regardless of past relationships or if someone’s on a roll. He says it’s a new day, and Eric continues by saying that they revolutionized wrestling once and that they can do it again, because there’s a whole lot of talent in the back. He says they’re going to take TNA to the next level, that things are going to change, and that everyone from the janitor to the World Champion is going to be under a microscope. Hogan says that the change starts now, and they’re going to keep going until they’re the #1 wrestling company in the world. They cut again to Dixie, doing her best to look concerned, but she claps at the “number one company” thing.

Bishoff says he loves this, and then asks where the producer is – he wants a format sheet. They can’t find the producer. Hogan then demands the presence of the producer as well, but they can’t find him. Eventually, someone slides a script in the ring. Bischoff says that this is what “you” thought you were going to see, even though we would have no idea what was on it. He says it’s a fine script, and there’s nothing wrong with it, and that whoever did it gets an “A” for effort. But like Hulk says, they’re starting over, and he rips up the script and replaces it with one of his own, and a more perfect metaphor for their arrival to TNA I couldn’t think of if I had a day off work and a think tank at my disposal. He hands the new script to a nice girl, and tells her to give it to the “director”. So they ripped up the script and replaced it with a new script. That was actually the purpose of the speech.

ANDREW WHEELER: I shit you not, he’s asking for the script, and he rips it up. Hey, remember when Schiavone used to do that? Yeah, that turned the ratings around toot sweet.

SCOTT KEITH: NOT THE FORMAT SHEET! How will the announcers know who is running in through the crowd? So I guess Bischoff was the guy who changed from one limo to the other, but we wouldn’t know because NO ONE EVER MENTIONED IT AGAIN. What a bullshit waste of 20 minutes this segment was.

Bischoff says that they’re turning TNA upside down (again, correct) and Hulk says if you can’t wrestle, pack your bags and “head up north” (another WWE reference) because they’re checking everyone out. Hogan’s music hits and Taz and Tenay go nuts over this entire thing… and then they cut to Sting in the rafters watching the whole thing go down with a thoughtful look on his face. Taz says they haven’t seen Sting for months.

ANDREW WHEELER: In one segment, they brought back the ghost of WCW. I honestly can’t believe it.

4 YEARS LATER…

… actually, fuck 4 Years Later. That thing spoke for itself. Holy fucking SHIT. Gracefully, with respect, my friends – gracefully. With. Respect.

I fucking LOVE this show.

Commercial.

 

We replay Sting standing in the rafters.

TNA Knockout Tag-Team Championship Match
Sarita & Taylor Wilde (c) .vs. Awesome Kong & Hamada

Thank God Eric and Hulk came up with this new script, because we definitely wouldn’t have wanted to miss THIS match, which is the third in ninety minutes, the second featuring women wrestlers, three out of four of whom were gone within months of this show, battling for titles that were discontinued, also within months of this show. During the intros, Mike Tenay has breaking news – despite all lack of evidence to the contrary, it turns out TNA DOES have a World Champion and his name is AJ Styles. He will face Kurt Angle for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship at TNA’s next PPV (Genesis 2010). Sounds like an awesome show, you guys should totally look into ordering that.

Hamada and Sarita start, and they lock up and volley before Hamada gets an armdrag, does a cool drop-trip-thing off the ropes before Sarita comes back with an armdrag of her own, and tags Taylor, who hits… another armdrag, but this one off the top rope. Hamada has had enough of the kiddy shit and knees Taylor right in the breadbasket (I always wanted to say that.) People are chanting for Hamada, even though she’s the heel. If you’ve never seen Hamada wrestle, you should. I forgot how good she is. So of course she was gone from TNA within months.

No time for that though, becuase now I have to deal with poor lighting again, but this time on a split-screen, which makes it even harder. I promise you I’m not trying to be unfairly hard on them here, I LEGITIMATELY CAN’T SEE A FUCKING THING. I can tell Jeremy Borash is there, checking on someone who’s been laid out. Did the poker girls get murdered or something? No, it turns out someone killed The Motor City Machine Guns.

Back to the match – Hamada ducks both girls, and Kong tags in. One girl jumps on her back, and the other tries to charge her. Kong handles this by kicking the charging girl in the gut and dropping down to flatten the girl on her back. Ha, Kong is awesome. Actually, I remember Kong and Hamada being better than almost any girls TNA has ever employed – yes, including Mickie, Gail and Tara. Anyway, Kong gets 2 and Taylor is up to kick Hamada in the face, then hits two running dropkicks right on Kong’s milk baskets (her tits.) Kong doesn’t go down, so Sarita gets up and they hit a tandem dropkick that takes Kong to the outside along with Hamada. Sarita then does a suicide dive through the ropes at the same time Taylor jumps off the top rope. Solid match so far.

Commercial.

Back, and Hamada is destroying Wilde’s face while Kong holds her up for punishment. During the break, the split-screen shows me that Awesome Kong flattened Sarita again. Taylor is fighting back, but Hamada is taking her down with some awesome offense. She teases letting Taylor tag but doesn’t, then chops her. Kong tags back in, and starts hammering Taylor while people chant for her. Taylor escapes a powerbomb and hits a double knee, allowing her to tag Sarita. Sarita comes in and dropkicks Kong – this doesn’t affect Kong, and she screams at her. Sarita turns around to do another charge, but Hamada is there and kicks her right in the talking basket (the mouth.)

Sarita tries a cross-body but gets caught by both girls. Something is botched and I don’t really understand what happened, but Hamada is down. Sarita tries to roll Kong up from behind, so Kong just DROPS like fucking Earthquake and Sarita loses a cup size. This would get her a pin, but Taylor does a diving kick and hits Kong in the face before she can. Jesus, good match so far. What the hell?

“This is awesome” chant starts and Hamada throws Taylor into a steel post, and it looks like Taylor is out. Kong takes Sarita up for a powerbomb, but holds her up so Hamada can hit a doomsday device – except she uses an awesome dropkick instead of a clothesline, so now Sarita is dead too. Kong pins.

Winners & New TNA Knockout Tag-Team Champions: Awesome Kong & Hamada

SCOTT KEITH: Crowd chants “This is Awesome.” Well it’s accurate in that Awesome Kong is competing.

ANDREW WHEELER: So if you’re TNA and you have all these eyeballs following Hogan’s debut, what would you put on next? An X-Division match? Samoa Joe? No, they give us a Knockout Tag Title match.

I’m gonna have to disagree with the boys on this one – I think “This Is Awesome” as a chant is way overdone, especially in TNA, but I was definitely wrong to not be excited for this match. I’m kind of pre-programmed to not expect much from women’s matches when it comes to WWE and TNA, so I’m not sure if I just glossed over this match the first time around, or just flat out didn’t care by this point given EVERYTHING ELSE that I had to suffer through up to so far.

I don’t know, maybe I’m just burned out on bad shit, but I thought this was REALLY good. Definitely check it out if you can, and if you do, maybe you’ll see why AJ Lee being able to NOT trip over her own feet (sometimes), pull off a bad tarantula or a barely-less-than-shitty finisher doesn’t impress or entertain me in the slightest. THIS kind of women’s wrestling, REAL women’s wrestling – THAT impressed me. Get that Jeff Heatherly guy on this match. Kong is great and it’s a real shame how her WWE run ended, I truly did forget how good Hamada was, I never really saw much of Taylor Wilde and was never really impressed by Sarita, but all the girls did really good here.

It was an odd placement for the match though, which is where Wheeler and Keith make a good point, especially given that TNA obviously didn’t care about these girls. So don’t get me wrong and think I’m giving TNA any credit for this match. Because, naturally…

4 YEARS LATER… none of these women are employed by TNA. I don’t remember the exact circumstances, but Taylor Wilde and Hamada were gone within months, I believe with little or no announcement. Awesome Kong left the company after a very public dispute with Bubba The Love Sponge, where TNA sided with Bubba. Understandable, as Bubba had been a vital and long-term employee for TNA at this point, and the revenue and interest he brought to the show would have obviously been difficult to replace. Also – that was a lie, this was Bubba’s first night with the company, and he was gone within months, which made Kong’s leaving completely avoidable and pointless. Don’t feel too bad for Kong though, because even though Kong and Bubba have both had a pretty rough go of it since then… I still say Kong got the better deal. (See above.) Oh, and Sarita is also no longer with TNA.

 

Good news for anyone who was bored with an actual women’s wrestling match, and for guys who’s wives check their internet history – we’re going back to the poorly lit poker game featuring girls in their underwear! Although it’s not that great for you guys who dig this stuff anyway, because you still can’t see a fucking thing.

TIME-TRAVEL GIRL: For this next hand, why don’t we play a little seven-card-babe?
DUMB GIRL: Yay!
VELVET: Seven-card babe?
TIME-TRAVEL GIRL: Well yeah, if it was a guy dealing, it’d be seven-card-stud.

Get it? It’s funny because they’re dumb.

Then, Val Venis comes in with his head shaved and wearing a towel.

VAL VENIS: Ladies, could you use a fourth for your little threesome?
DUMB GIRL: Hey, I know you! You’re…
VAL VENIS: AH AH AH AH AH, let’s not get all caught up with old names, shall we? Instead, why don’t we get caught up in the excitement of competition!

The girls are annoyed. I think. The lighting is horrible.

VELVET: Ew, Whatever. What makes you think you can bust into our poker game and take over, Mr. Towel Man!
NOT VAL VENIS: Well let me tell you something, missy. It looks to me like you want ratings…

The girls nod. I think. The lighting is horrible.

NOT VAL VENIS: … and it looks like you need someone to take this friendly little game of yours to the next level. Because I’ve just come out of the shower, so it looks to me like you ladies have the advantage. I lose just one hand, and it’s all over for me.

I swear to God I’m not making up these lines. This is word-for-word what they’re saying. So I guess Val Venis just showed up to the Impact Zone to use the showers, because it’s not like he had a match or even a segment. Things must be worse for him than I thought. Anyway, now the girls are turned on. Get it? Because in addition to being dumb, they’re apparently also sluts.

… I think. The lighting is horrible.

NOT VAL VENIS: Do you think you’ve got what it takes?
VELVET: Oh, we know we have what it takes. Do YOU have what it takes?
NOT VAL VENIS: Ladies, you have no idea.
DUMB GIRL: You have no idea. Shut up and deal… stud.
NOT VAL VENIS: This… is going to be a very interesting night.
VELVET: Yes it is.
DUMB GIRL: Oh yeah!
TIME TRAVEL GIRL: Deal the cards!

They all laugh and deal cards. Holy SHIT. That physically hurt to view.

Well actually, I couldn’t really VIEW, per se, because of the lighting, but it hurt to squint at and listen to.

4 YEARS LATER… Time Travel Girl and Dumb Girl from the poker game are no longer with TNA. Actually, since two commercials ago, everyone TNA has shown is no longer with the company except for Velvet Sky, and I guess you could technically add Chris Sabin, although he was out cold during those four seconds of footage… and you couldn’t really see him because of the lighting anyway.

Commercial. Make sure to stay tuned, because you might get to see Val Venis’ dick!

 

Outside the arena, Mick Foley is still trying to get in. He started in the afternoon in the “Earlier Today” segment, and it’s now at least 8:00 at night, so he’s been at it for hours. Mick is a determined guy. He should try getting into a brawl with security since it worked so well for X-Pac and that homeless guy they keep telling us is Scott Hall. Mick says he’s already been escorted off the property, but he made it back “this far”. Wait, what… okay, fuck it. He says he needs to talk to Hogan, and that he could go “right through” them, but that he has another plan. The security guys tell him that when they “see security” (… which is them…) they’ll just say they haven’t seen him. Okay then.

Mick walks off, and the security guys close the door. The Nasty Boys then show up, and are wondering if they just saw Mick Foley. They try to get in, and security tries to stop them as well. Security then says that since The Nasty Boys know Hogan, maybe their names are “on the list” at the front gate – he says if they go there, they can probably get in. So the entire point of this was to show that The Nasty Boys went to the wrong entrance.

ANDREW WHEELER: Words elude me at this point.

Raven & Stevie Richards (w/ Daffney) .vs. Matt Morgan & Hernandez

Raven & Stevie don’t even get an entrance, and Raven bounces off Hernandez. Raven goes to tag Stevie and Hernandez goes to tag Morgan. Stevie charges Morgan, eats Morgan’s retard boot, and gets pinned in negative six seconds. Awesome. I fucking LOVE this show.

Winners: Matt Morgan & Hernandez

ANDREW WHEELER: Seriously? It’s already over? Way to spotlight your future talent guys. Change is in the air.

Apparently Morgan & Hernandez get a TNA Tag-Team Title shot at Genesis. I think we’ll all remember where we were when that match took place.

I don’t know what Wheeler thought he would have gotten in a longer match that heavily features Matt Morgan, but backstage, Christy Hemme is talking to The Pope. Apparently Hulk asked for him to have a match tonight against Desmond Wolfe. He repays Hulk by verbally blowing him for a while, hits on Christy and makes fun of Desmond Wolfe.

And then… well, I’ll let someone else give you the next bit of big news.

ANDREW WHEELER: Orlando Jordan shows up. Yes, Orlando Jordan. If it was possible, this show came to an even louder screeching halt.

SCOTT KEITH: He’s apparently so big a star that no one mentions who he is or where he’s from until after the segment, when Taz clarifies that in fact it was Orlando Jordan. This show makes me want to bash my head into the keyboard.

I should mention that Orlando showed up drinking a 5-Hour Energy Shot, saying “oh man, that’s good.” He then says he’s a big fan of Christy, to which she replies “you’re welcome!” (…) Orlando also says he’s a big fan of Pope, and that he’s looking for Hogan because Hulk invited him. Pope is annoyed by this.

 

The Pope .vs. Desmond Wolfe

Fans chant for Desmond on his way out. Tenay says that Desmond Wolfe and The Pope are two of the best aquisitions made by TNA Management in 2009, but really, fuck 2009. This is 2010 and Hulk Hogan, The Nasty Boys and Orlando Jordan are here now! People seem really into Pope as well.

They lock up, and Desmond takes Pope down by the arm. Pope hits some kicks and a flying clothesline. Desmond hits a hammerlock takedown and throws Pope into the turnbuckle, before hitting an irish whip so Pope can botch a sunset flip. Wolfe catches this and works on Pope’s arm some more. Wolfe tries to charge Pope in the corner but Pope dodges, and hits that delayed springboard elbow thing that I always liked. Fans chant “This Is Wrestling” and that seems pretty generous for this, although it’s not bad I suppose.

Wolfe goes for Tower Of London, but Pope reverses and wins with a rollup. Wolfe complains that it was a fast-count.

Winner: The Pope

ANDREW WHEELER: So Desmond Wolfe went from hanging with Kurt Angle to being pinned by Elijah Burke on the biggest show of the year in about four minutes. Yeesh.

Backstage, the founder of TNA, Jeff Jarrett, arrives at Impact… 2 hours late.

4 YEARS LATER… at least five of the six guys in the previous two matches (Matt Morgan, Raven, Stevie Richards, The Pope, and Desmond Wolfe) are all no longer with TNA. Raven is always awesome, and Stevie is all right, but they were gone almost immediatley, although I believe they came back briefly for a short stint in the fifteen-hundredth ECW revival. Matt Morgan is so horrible that Matt Harrak actually thinks he’s good, and he (Morgan, not Harrak) sucked the life out of shows between muliple upper-mid-card and main-event runs, none of them the least bit successful, until he left only just recently. It’s also entirely possible that Hernandez is no longer with TNA, I’m not sure. I always liked Hernandez, he wasn’t great but I thought he was good, although I think I’m in the minority there. I thought Desmond Wolfe was fantastic and that The Pope could hold his own too. The Pope was used sparingly over the years until he was just gone, and Desmond Wolfe was gone very quickly.

The Nasty Boys, Orlando Jordan and Mick Foley are also no longer with TNA. The Nasty Boys are amazingly bad, and they trashed The Dudley Boys’ locker room and then did nothing until they were gone shortly as well. Mick Foley also left very quickly and came back a couple times before once again departing for WWE. I think that dude may hold the record for number of company switches. Orlando Jordan did things with police tape and fake / possibly real splooge that I just refuse to look up, and generally was around to make people feel uncomfortale until Eric Young became mentally damaged. Orlando Jordan took advantage of this by raping him a bunch of times off-camera. He was eventually let go.

So basically, it all went really well for everyone in these last few segments.

Commercial.

 

And we’re back.

Backstage, Jeremy Borash tries to say something but Bubba cuts him off and sends him away. WHAT’S WITH THE FUCKING LIGHTING?!?! Anyway, Bubba has more breaking news.

SCOTT KEITH: Rhino has been attacked by a mystery person. Perhaps the format sheet, out for revenge.

ANDREW WHEELER: I don’t wanna watch Bret Hart and Vince McMahon, I wanna see who has been knocking out midcarders.

Tenay and Taz talk about how The Machineguns were laid out earlier, and now Rhino. They talk about all the news so far tonight, they say Ric Flair will be out later, and then they play highlights from Hulk Hogan’s debut.

Also, Jeff Jarrett is still walking backstage. Tenay says Jarrett is coming to the ring, right after the break.

ANDREW WHEELER: To paraphrase Paul Heyman… “Gentlemen, lock up your wives.”

4 YEARS LATER… and did we ever find out who knocked out Rhino and The Motor City Machineguns? Maybe those were the random attacks Lashley did or something? It’s like the Hummer thing from WCW.

Oh, and Rhino was gone from TNA fairly quickly. He also came back briefly for an ECW reunion or two, I believe.

Commercial.

 

Backstage, JB is interviewing this random AJ Styles guy. AJ says he’s been in TNA for 7 years, and he’s never felt excitement in the company like this. JB asks him about defending his title against Kurt Angle at the next PPV, and AJ says he can’t hold the belt with pride until he beats Angle. Bischoff walks into the room clapping, and says he’s been hearing so much about AJ being the future of the company. Bischoff has good news and bad news – bad news is that AJ is not defending the belt against Angle at Genesis. Bischoff says the good news is that AJ is right, that people need to know who the real TNA World Heavyweight Champion is, so AJ is fighting Kurt tonight, not at the PPV. Which is funny because they just announced the match at the PPV less than an hour ago, just to take it away an hour later and put it on this show. Not that this match is anything to complain about, but yeah. Why announce it for the PPV at all then?

ANDREW WHEELER: We are nearly two hours into the damn show and this is the first time we’re seeing Styles. Way to build around new talent.

Heh. It’s Jarrett time now. I remember this, this was funny.

ANDREW WHEELER: Here comes Mr. Irrelevant Jeff Jarrett, who can’t even create a promotion that doesn’t try to rid itself of him.

Jeff Jarrett comes to ringside, and Taz and Tenay wonder what’s going through all his mind right now given all the changes in the company. JJ actually gets a small “welcome back” chant, and he says that it feels great to be back at home in the Impact Zone. Dixie looks on, doing her best to do “concerned face”. He says that 7 years ago, he founded TNA with his hard-earned money (which is a lie, he used his Dad’s money) and the crowd chants “Thank You Jeff”. He said every critic in the world claimed they wouldn’t last 6 weeks or 6 months, but that he’s standing in a TNA ring on a Monday Night, that this is the biggest night in company history, and that he is proud to be there.

Jarrett says that he tried to convince Hulk to come to TNA for years, but the timing was never right, and now it is. “TNA” chant breaks out, and then Jarrett says that during his career he’s done some good things and some bad things, but that the best thing he ever did was give “dozens if not hundreds” (…) of younger guys the chance to step into the ring. Guys like Beer Money, Motor City Machineguns, Christopher Daniels, and AJ Styles. He says that in closing, “you ain’t seen nothing yet” and that with Hogan working with Dixie, and Jarrett working side-by-side with them (Dixie looks concerned again), anything can happen.

Hogan comes on the screen and says he’s glad Jeff is finished, because he’s had enough. Hogan literally says “so what, nobody cares” to Jarrett, and that if Jarrett said “I” one more time, that Hogan would have sent security out after him. He says that Jarrett ran the company into the ground, but Dixie resurrected it and was the one who gave the young guys a shot, and that without her TNA would have gone under. He tells Jarrett that he needs to shape up and that this “minority shareholder” thing means nothing to him. Hogan says they restructured the company, and Hogan is Dixie’s new partner, not Jarrett. He says that now, the young guys are going to get a real shot and as far as Jarrett’s past… nobody cares.

Hogan says TNA is going straight to the top, and that Jarrett no longer has any stroke. He says Jarrett needs to grab his boots and get in line, because he’s no different than everybody else – he has to prove himself, and Hulk says Jarrett better be able to hang with the young guys.

ANDREW WHEELER: Did they really bring Hulk in to be a heel? Seriously? So at the end of the day, Hogan came back and then turned heel within the course of two hours.

 

Backstage, Christy Hemme is interviewing Christopher Daniels.

CHRISTY HEMME: Wow, I never thought we’d see that in TNA. Hulk Hogan is definitely delivering on his promise to shake TNA to it’s very foundation. One man who might be a little bit worried about what his future holds is Christopher Daniels.
CHRISTOPHER DANIELS: No Christy, I’m not worried. See, I have faith that my ability and strength of character will make an impression on Hulk Ho…
JEREMY BORASH: HEY GUYS. HEY. SORRY GUYS.
CHRISTOPHER DANIELS: JB, I’m in the middle of an interv…
JEREMY BORASH: Sorry, sorry, I have to… outside. Mick Foley is outside.

Then Daniels stormed off. That, word for word, was what happened. Christy told Christopher Daniels that he should be worried about what his future holds, Daniels got 23 words out of his mouth and got interrupted by another announcer saying that Mick Foley is outside, which we already knew. I fucking LOVE this show.

JB talks to Christy about this, and Christy says not to let him in. JB goes and lets him in anyway, and then tries to stop him. Foley says he has a bone to pick with Hogan, and that nothing will get in his way. Aside from the two random security guards who turned him down for at least 4 straight hours.

4 YEARS LATER… so, Wheeler thought that Hogan was turning heel. I can certainly see why he thought that, but as we all know now, that’s not what happened. I don’t know if they thought Hulk’s promo would go over differently or if maybe they botched something, but either way, I’m not sure what they were going for. It was weird.

Also, Jarrett and Hogan both claimed that the “young guys” were going to be given a real shot in the new TNA, and Jarrett specifically named Motor City Machineguns, Beer Money, Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles. Motor City Machineguns’ involvement so far consisted of being one-fourth of a giant birdcage botch that even the live crowd shit on, and then being laid out in a poorly-lit backstage area. If memory serves, Beer Money is going to wind up the same way before this show is over, and Christopher Daniels got 23 words out of his mouth before his interview was interrupted, literally moments after Jarrett made that statement and Christy told him that he might be concerned about what his future holds. Daniels was gone from the company within weeks, only to return later in the year

I fucking LOVE this show.

Commercial. Make sure to stay tuned, you might get to find out who’s been knocking out all the young guys that Jeff Jarrett and Hulk Hogan say are going to get a real chance now!

 

HOUR 3

Back from commercial, and they run a Genesis ad… which advertises AJ Styles versus Kurt Angle for Genesis, even though Bischoff said not twenty minutes ago that it was no longer happening because they’re wrestling tonight instead. So, they first announced the match an hour ago, somehow had time to work it into an ad, forty minutes later Bischoff scraps the match, yet they don’t pull the ad. That’s so fucking awesome.

Backstage, Jeff is doing a painting in a locker room with Shannon looking on.

SHANNON MOORE: Jeff, these things are awesome man. You gotta start selling these things and making some money.
JEFF HARDY: Yeah?
SHANNON MOORE: Yeah! Hey… the big man called, man. You ready to go meet with him?
JEFF HARDY: Yeah.

Good stuff. Hardy signs his painting and they head out. Taz wonders if Shannon meant Hogan.

Samoa Joe .vs. Abyss

See, this was supposed to be Abyss and Rhino, but that was before Bischoff tore up the script, AND before someone laid Rhino out in the back. Are the two things connected, or was it coincidence? Was Rhino being knocked out in the script or not? Or was the match being switched part of the new script, and someone knocked out Rhino to enforce it?

Joe starts punching the shit out of Abyss, and the crowd does the “Joe’s gonna kill you” chant before Joe levels Abyss with a kick. Joe goes to give Abyss the facewash but runs into Abyss’ boot. Abyss follows Joe to the floor, Joe grabs a chair but Abyss ducks the shot and the chair hits the ringpost. Abyss works over Joe some more, and tosses him in the ring.

SPLIT-SCREEN! The announcers are selling a special “limited edition” trading card with Hulk Hogan and Dixie Carter on it… for FORTY DOLLARS. I fucking LOVE this show.

Joe is somehow now in control, I don’t know how because TNA was trying to sell me a forty-dollar trading card when it happened. Regardless, Joe now drops Abyss and hits a backsplash.

ANOTHER SPLIT-SCREEN! It shows Sting… in the back. He’s still there. That was the point of the split-screen. To show that Sting is still in the arena.

Abyss is somehow now in control, I don’t know how because TNA was busy proving to me that Sting was still in the arena when it happened. Regardless, Abyss is going for a chokeslam but Joe elbows his way out of it before running into a clothesline. Abyss splashes Joe in the corner before hitting a sideslam, but this only gets him 2. Abyss runs into a Joe elbow, and then a boot to the face. Joe hits the second rope and hits a nice thrust kick, but only gets 2.

Joe with some strikes, and Abyss powers up but eats another kick to the head by Joe and goes down. Joe tries to leap at Abyss off the ropes, but Abyss catches him and chokeslams him for 2. Abyss tries to pull Joe in the ring, but Joe hits him with a chair behind the ref’s back and then makes Abyss tap to his chokehold.

Winner: Samoa Joe

Weak match. I love Joe and I don’t mind Abyss, but that was weak.

ANDREW WHEELER: If I hadn’t seen TNA before and I was watching this now, I would think that Sting in the back is infinitely more important than Abyss/Joe. I thought this company was all about pushing the younger talent.

 

Backstage, Bischoff is talking to a crew guy.

BISCHOFF: Do me a favor, this segment is running just a little bit long… how about we reformat it and take a look at it?

I’m sorry… the whole “tearing up the script” thing makes quite literally NO sense at all to begin with, but is he literally scripting the fucking show IN FRONT OF US now?!

I fucking LOVE this show.

Anyway, then Lashley’s wife Crystal walks up to Bischoff.

CRYSTAL: …
BISCHOFF: …
CRYSTAL: … well?
BISCHOFF: Well, what?
CRYSTAL: Aren’t you gonna say anything?
BISCHOFF: … want a mint?
CRYSTAL: No!

I fucking LOVE this show. There was more riveting dialogue on that all-Diva season of NXT. It continues…

CRYSTAL: I’m sure you saw what happened earlier tonight when Bobby asked for his release.
BISCHOFF: Yeah yeah, Bobby Lashley asked for his release and wants to go chase his MMA dreams. What’s that got to do with me?

YOU RUN THE FUCKING SHOW NOW!!! YOU JUST SAID IT LIKE AN HOUR AGO!!! YOU CAN’T JUST BE IN CHARGE AND NOT IN CHARGE AT YOUR LEISURE!!!

Crystal demands a meeting with Hogan. Bischoff laughs at her, and tells her to go stand in line, and that she might want to check her attitude. Crystal says that they’re making a big mistake, and that TNA is losing the biggest start they’ve ever had. Bischoff laughs at her again before she walks off, and WHAT? Lashley is the one that wants out, how is that Bischoff’s mistake? I fucking LOVE this show.

SCOTT KEITH: Why would Bischoff even be on camera for this segment?

Also, I was right – Beer Money has been knocked out in the back. No worries though, Bubba The Love Sponge is there to let us know that he’s got a pretty good idea of who did it.

4 YEARS LATER… Samoa Joe continued to be treated like garbage most of the time, and during my recapping time he lost to Crimson and Matt Morgan separately for about four months, until TNA figured it was more efficient to make him lose to both guys at the same time. It accomplished nothing, because none of Morgan’s runs ever led to anything until he left the company a few months ago, and who is Crimson, you may ask? You don’t want to know. Joe amazingly managed to maintain crowd support somehow… but it hasn’t done him a whole lot of good.

Soon after this, Abyss was referred by Hulk Hogan as the “John Cena of TNA” and a storyline was started where he gained super-powers from Hulk Hogan’s WWE Hall of Fame ring. Literally, that was the story. This started a main-event run for Abyss which was very short-lived, and then he was on and off TV, and in and out of a group called “Immortal”. This led to a storyline where Abyss played his own brother, Joseph Parks, who went to TNA searching for his brother… who was Abyss. This led to the satisfying payoff you’d expect for such an angle, and soon afterwards Abyss was… still playing Joseph Park. Until he recently came back as Abyss again. I believe he’s playing both parts now.

Beer Money continued to kick ass as a tag-team, but they split them up to give them both prominent singles runs. It’s one of the less offensive things TNA did since this show… but it still didn’t go over all that well. Beer Money are fine by me, but World Champion single stars they are not.

I already covered Lashley, so no need to go into that again. I think that’s everyone covered here. We never did find out if Bischoff was happy with that reformatting, if Jeff Hardy ever started selling his paintings or if Crystal ever got that mint.

Commercial.

 

Outside the arena, a security guy tells The Nasty Boys that they are not on the list. They flip out over this, and Bubba The Love Sponge shows up (fucking seriously, how often does this guy need to be on camera) and he says that they HAVE to be on the list. Bubba makes the security guy say who’s in charge, and who he is. He then takes the security guy for a walk and waves The Nasty Boys in.

So… to recap:

NASTY BOYS SEGMENT #1: The Nasty Boys try to get into the arena, but are told they need to use a different entrance to see if they’re on “the list”.
NASTY BOYS SEGMENT #2: The Nasty Boys go to the proper entrance… but are not on “the list”. Bubba The Love Sponge sneaks them in anyway.

Anyone see any redudant segments here? No? Great. Then the show is still flawless so far. Moving on.

SCOTT KEITH: Who gives a fuck about the fucking Nasty Boys in fucking 2010? SERIOUSLY.

Backstage, Jeremy Borash is with Kurt Angle. Kurt says that he lost the title, and AJ Styles has it, but Kurt was never pinned because it was a 4-way match where AJ won, so he was never actually pinned. Someone needs to tell Kurt that’s SO in 2009 and that no longer matters. Anyway, he says a lot has happened to him professionally and personally since then (he’s referring to finding out that Jeff Jarrett was fucking his ugly stripper wife) but that it doesn’t change that AJ can’t beat him. He says AJ is great, but that he is better, and it’s real. It’s damn real.

In the parking lot, Jeff Hardy and Shannon Moore are walking out with a couple envelopes. Shannon says they got what they came for, and Hardy just goes “maybe”. So what they’re telling me is that Hulk Hogan gave them envelopes, but didn’t give them any indication what was inside, and they haven’t bothered to look yet, even though that specifically is what they came for?

And then…

ANDREW WHEELER: Three random teenagers show up screaming and Jeff gives them his painting. Uh huh.

SCOTT KEITH: That’s their mob, three people. They can’t even paper their mobs properly.

Jeff and Shannon get in Jeff’s awesome little Corvette and leave.

4 YEARS LATER… Jeff Hardy, for some reason, did not appear on Impact again for another two months after this. That didn’t stop him from continuing to be a painted-up-crackhead for a while, however, or from turning heel. On one show I recapped, he dressed like Avatar and had sex with a ladder that he’d painted blue and purple in the aisleway while Matt Morgan and Ken Anderson tried to have what has, by some, been called a “match”. Jeff brought his brother Matt Hardy to TNA after Matt tried to get WWE to fire him for months, and Matt Hardy proceeded to take credit for the success TNA wasn’t having before deciding he didn’t need to show up and re-focused his energy on putting out YouTube videos where he was seeing ghosts and saying he would kill himself. A while later, Jeff showed up to a PPV drunk and stoned off his fucking gourd to have a main-event World Title match against Sting, and they had to talk the TNA fans out of rioting after the ensuing ninety-second main-event debacle of a match. This of course kicked off a redemption storyline for him (which he had already done once or twice in WWE) and this is also about where he started painting eyeballs on his eyelids. That one act alone has led me to write him off as a human being entirely.

After taking part in a ridiculous 8-month worked-shoot storyline with Jeff Jarrett over Jarrett stealing his ugly stripper wife in real life (which involved an attempted axe murder, multiple arrests, Chyna, Kurt’s children dancing around in their underwear to Jeff Jarret’s theme music, a giant cake, Karen Angle falling down a flight of stairs, literal horse shit, Mick Foley, and somehow concluded with Jeff Jarrett being temporarily deported to Mexico after getting his ass kicked in a parking lot), Kurt Angle took the “Hot Mess” title from the Hardy’s after he mastered the art of Tweeting while driving drunk. He’s had a couple strong runs with that title, and is actually working on a redemption storyline of his own at the moment. However, in a move that probably proves he’s now sober, he recently responded to an offer to go into TNA’s Hall of Fame with “nah, it’s cool.”

Shannon Moore was raped and killed by a bear.

I hope.

Commercial.

 

Another TNA Genesis commercial advertising AJ Styles .vs. Kurt Angle for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship, a match which is no longer happening at TNA Genesis.

Backstage, The Nasty Boys find Team 3D’s locker room and start trashing it. The security guy from earlier shows up to apologize to them, and he’s brought them donuts by way of apology. The Nasty’s start throwing donuts around Team 3D’s locker room, and making fun of Team 3D for being fat. The joke here I guess is supposed to be that The Nasty Boys are also really fat. GET IT?!?!

SCOTT KEITH: OK, so we’ve spent three segments establishing that the Nasty Boys can’t get in, and then they do get in, and now they’re throwing donuts around. That’s how they earned their money tonight.

ANDREW WHEELER: Look for the return of the Dungeon of Doom next week as they beat Morgan and Hernandez.

 

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match
AJ Styles (c) .vs. Kurt Angle

All right, so this has quite obviously gone very painfully long. This is probably the longest thing I’ve ever done. So I’m going to make this very simple.

This is, simply put, a fantastic match. It’s one of the best matches that TNA has ever put on Impact. It’s one of the best matches TNA has ever had at all. It’s one of the best wrestling matches that any wrestling promotion has ever had at all.

It does not desserve to be put on this show.

I’m not saying the rest of the show diminished this match for me (if anything, it helped), all I’m saying is that because the rest of the show is agonizing to get through, by the time you get to this match… you’re pretty much fed up, or at least spent.

I’m not going to recap it. All I’m going to say is that I loved it, and that you should go check it out. I don’t give star ratings, but if I did this one would be pretty close to five out of five. There was some overly-booked nonsense like a mystery masked dude coming in who beat up AJ before he got his ass kicked by Angle, Ric Flair showing up to watch on the ramp, and Dixie cheering from the crowd. Oh, and the fans chanted “Who Needs Bret”, which was pretty dumb.

Yet somehow… it still holds up for me. I can’t recommend it highly enough. So again… go check this out. It’s over 20 minutes long and I can’t say enough good things about it. If you were like me and couldn’t remember who won, I won’t put the winner below.

Winner & TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Go Watch And Find Out

ANDREW WHEELER: This is what they should have been doing all along. They needed to grab the audience by the neck and show them that unlike the WWE, TNA can give you revolutionary wrestling. How in the hell did TNA think what they were putting on tonight was going to get fans to buy into their product? Fans don’t want two minute matches and lame angles when they can get that from WWE. They want high quality matches that highlight great athleticism. They want Angle / Styles. If TNA gave the audience blow-away matches, they would have the fans. You need to sprinkle the Sports Entertainment in with the wrestling, not douse the show in Sports Entertainment with only mere morsels of wrestling. These two seem to be the first two people all night in the ring that are looking to put on something special. Where was the fire from the rest of the roster? Hell, where were the opportunities for them to show what they have to begin with?

SCOTT KEITH: Well, 1 out of 180 segments isn’t bad, I guess.

 

Hulk Hogan’s music interrupts the winner’s music, and he comes out. He says that AJ and Kurt and the two best wrestlers in the business today and that they raised the bar to a whole new level. He says that the TNA fans made history tonight, and that this is the beginning of the greatest rise in…

… and then a security guy whispers something in his ear and he runs off.

We see Foley walking around backstage, and he storms into… the dimly lit poker room, and the girls scream and Val Venis is surprised.

… I think. The room is so poorly lit I can’t see anything.

Val tells Mick that he’s interrupting something special, and believe it or not, this show’s last 2 minutes consist partially of Val Venis telling Mick Foley that he’s not afraid of him, and Foley yelling at Val Venis that he’s looking for Hulk Hogan. Venis then abandons his tirade against Foley for no real reason, and tells Mick that Hogan’s office is down the hall and to the left.

Mick follows the directions, and ends up in Hogan’s office screaming for him. Only Bischoff is there though, and he asks Mick what he wants since Mick’s “executive shareholder” certificate “isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on”. Absolutely no idea what that could possibly mean, but basically Bischoff tells Foley that he’s got no influence, power or control, and that he has to get in line with everyone else and fight for his job. Foley says he has no problem working for Dixie, and he will even work for Hogan, but he will never work for Bischoff again.

Bischoff laughs at him, and Foley grabs him and says he’ll give Eric a reason to fire him. Eric says he should rethink his strategy, and then the Wolfpac jumps him and kicks the shit out of him.

Hogan comes in at the last moment, and we get a huge close-up of him before the credits roll.

4 YEARS LATER… so was it the Wolfpac laying out the younger wrestlers then? Or was that Bobby Lashley trying to get out of his contract? I’m not sure if they ever answered that question, but I guess since I don’t know for sure I can’t really condemn them for that one – although it’s not like there’s not enough on this show to condemn them for anyway. What about the masked fucker who ran in on the title match? Who did that turn out to be?

Just putting everything else aside though… was Bischoff in on the Wolfpac’s run-in on Foley? Was he in on it with them even though he dressed them down in the ring? Was Hogan in on it? Did they EVER resolve this? Were any of these questions EVER answered, or did they honestly just plod along until their next master plan, the Immortal stable? Did Foley ever get back on these guys? I’m asking because I legitimately don’t think the questions were ever answered, but I guess it’s possible that I forgot what happened too.

Regardless, I know that the Wolfpac / Hogan / Bischoff / Foley thing was never resolved. At all. Hall and X-Pac were not long for TNA, and neither was Foley, so the story was dropped. You know what I really want to know, though? What was the ORIGINAL plan? What were they GONNA do if it all worked out how they planned? Was their plan ACTUALLY to have Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, X-Pac and Mick Foley in a TNA ring, main-eventing… in 2010?

 

Anyway, onto closing thoughts.

SCOTT KEITH: Wow. What a colossal waste of three hours this show was, minus the great main event, and it did nothing to make me care about watching further. They introduced two big surprises who did nothing and played no role, brought in the usual cast of Hogan flunkies who also did nothing, and almost all of the in-ring stuff sucked ass. Thumbs way down on the “new era” of TNA, as it seems frighteningly close to the old era.

ANDREW WHEELER: TNA had a lot of momentum going into this show. They had Hulk Hogan as a lock and everyone from Paul Heyman to Steve Austin rumored to show up. Over the course of three hours, they broke out the return of Sting and Jeff Jarrett, the reformation of the nWo, the debut of Val Venis, Orlando Jordan, Jeff Hardy and Ric Flair, not to mention a Styles / Angle main event for the title. In the end, did it really change anything?

Instead of looking like a directionless company that might be gaining some momentum behind a true youth movement, it looks like TNA has regressed into a 21st Century WCW. The comparisons are endless, and none of them are positive. Fans supposedly wanted their wrestling back, but when they said that, that didn’t mean the Nasty Boys.

TNA had an opportunity to strike a blow against Vince McMahon. Sure, they could do a segment with Hulk to pop ratings and sell t-shirts, but this show should have been about establishing their premium talent. We should have seen an X-Division match that would have blown the doors off the arena. We should have seen Samoa Joe, Daniels and Beer Money demonstrate why they are big players in the industry. We should have seen Jeff Hardy’s debut amount to more than just a quick run-in and some backstage nonsense. We should have gotten some mileage out of seeing Ric Flair or Sting back on television.

TNA had their chance to legitimately change pro wrestling, but instead they regressed. Shame on anyone that thought they were going to do this right.

4 YEARS LATER… and I was right. This show is more relevant to TNA’s current situation now than it ever has been. The amount of debuts on the show are staggering, the amount of “young talent” that was just buried on this show is staggering, the amount of segments on this show is staggering, and more than anything, how many people who wrestled and were featured on this show who are no longer with TNA… are staggering.

The one thing that I think Wheeler and Scott are off on is that this show didn’t change TNA. I could not disagree with that statement more than I do. It did. Regardless of how you think they were doing before, I don’t see how any rational person could possibly believe this show was not a huge change for the worse.

 

Well.

This. Was. Exhausting.

For the record though, I had a FANTASTIC time going through this show. I knew it was nuts but I totally forgot just HOW MUCH stuff there was on here to be entertained by, especially looking back. So, once again, I’d like to thank Martin for making his pick a unique choice. Happy belated birthday, buddy. Hope it was worth the wait.

This has been “That Being Said”. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you when I see you.

I’ll be in my trailer.

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JC’s Top Rope Report: The Top 10 Survivor Series Matches Of All Time http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/11/14/jcs-top-rope-report-the-top-10-survivor-series-matches-of-all-time/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/11/14/jcs-top-rope-report-the-top-10-survivor-series-matches-of-all-time/#comments Thu, 14 Nov 2013 15:06:12 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=161445 It used to be the annual Thanksgiving tradition. Now? It is almost treated as a secondary PPV when it comes to the WWE. Almost every wrestling fan would love to see the traditional Survivor Series matches brought back. But with less than two weeks to go before this year’s Survivor Series, it looks like we might not get any matches. They teased a possible huge Survivor Series match at the end of RAW, but that doesn’t look like it is happening. I mean, lets just look at the card. Say you do a Divas Title, World Title, and WWE Title match. How hard would it be to book three Survivor Series Matches? Not hard at all. CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Cody Rhodes, Goldust and The Usos vs The Shield and The Wyatt Family -This match is obviously the result of RAW, and would be your solid wrestling match of the night.

Kofi Kingston, Dolph Ziggler, Big E, R-Truth, Tyson Kidd vs Damien Sandow, Curtis Axel, Ryback, Fandango, Wade Barrett -Here’s a good opening match that can showcase your mid-card.

Santino, Prime Time Players, Los Matadores vs 3MB and The Real Americans -Yeah, I hate putting the Real Americans in this match. But I would have them end up being the survivors.

Now these matches don’t comprise all of my list, but they are a fun tradition and a break from the norm when it comes to typical WWE PPVs. But this is also a whole nother topic all together.

We’re here to talk about the greatest Survivor Series matches of all time. There aren’t too many matches that stand out as some of the greatest wrestling matches of all time, but there are definitely some good matches when you look back at Survivor Series.

So below is my list, starting with some honorable mentions that just ended up missing the list.

1988: Powers of Pain, Rockers, Young Stallions, British Bulldogs and Hart Foundation vs Demolition, Los Conquistadors, The Bolsheviks, Brain Busters, and Rougeau Brothers -Just seeing this many people on the apron at one time was a spectacle in and of itself during this time period. The problem with this match was that it was very long, and there was never a lot of smooth action in it because there was CONSTANT tagging in and out of the match. The double turn at the end was somewhat screwed up. The fans didn’t take it the right way at the time.

1991: Ric Flair, Ted DiBiase, The Mountie and The Warlord vs Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, The British Bulldog and Virgil -Solid match in the beginning but the screwed up ending took away from a lot of the match. Why did Ric Flair, a guy on the outside of the ring, get the win? Just an awkward finish because the WWE didn’t want some of these guys taking a pin.

1994 WWF Championship: Bret Hart (c) vs Bob Backlund -I debated with myself for awhile whether to put this or the match I had at #10 on my list. This should really be a 10b and my actual number 10 should be a 10a. They did a good job of playing up the family part of this with Stu and Helen Hart. But the end with Bret Hart in the Crossface Chicken Wing for almost 10 minutes was just a little too long for my liking. That’s what kept it off in the end.

And now on to the Top 10!

10. 2005 Last Man Standing Match: Triple H vs Ric Flair

-This was not a technical masterpiece by any means. But this was an all out brawl. These two had a brutal cage match at Taboo Tuesday. The brutality continued here. If there was one thing Ric Flair was good at late in his career, it was taking a beating like this and getting the fans behind him during it. Triple H played a great bad ass, show no mercy heel here. It was a good end to a feud between these two where you really felt like it was two best friends who became the worst of enemies. They had a good ending sequence as well with Flair getting up from 3 Pedigrees before Triple H finally resorted to using the Sledgehammer.

9. 2001: Team WWF vs Team Alliance

-I’ve seen this match higher on other lists, but my hatred for the entire Invasion angle kind of changes my viewpoint of the match. When compared with the other two Elimination matches on my list, this one doesn’t have the same good spots as others. Sure there was a lot at stake in this match, but the in ring stuff just didn’t match the others. It is a good match, but not as good as you would have hoped. I did like Shane McMahon playing the annoying guy breaking up every pin in the first ten minutes. It was a slightly over-booked ending with Angle coming out and aiding Team WWF after being on The Alliance during the match. That sums up this angle: Too many people switching sides, and what could have been a HUGE match down the line if the WWF played their cards right, instead turned into just a good match. But it didn’t live up to the hype surrounding it.

8. 2002 Elimination Chamber Match For the World Heavyweight Championship

-Whenever there is a new type of match made, the first one tends to be the best for awhile. There’s no doubt that the first Elimination Chamber Match sold the brutality involved with the match. It is something that has been missing from this match for a long time. It is one match, along with Hell In A Cell, that could really use the addition of blood. But this new spectacle match drew the ooos and ahhs from the crowd. It was also, however, somewhat slow moving at times. There were also a couple of missed spots, including RVD’s Frog Splash off the top of a pod. But the match ended with a feel good moment in HBK winning the World Title in his second match back. That’s enough to put this match on the list.

7. 2007 WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs Shawn Michaels

-If you ask me, this was a really underrated feud. When you talk about some of the better programs of HBK’s career, this won’t get brought up. But Michaels and Orton had a serious of good matches, culminating here with this match. The two fought at Cyber Sunday, with Orton getting himself intentially DQ’d. If Orton did that here, he would lose the Title. But if HBK used the Sweet Chin Music, he would be DQ’d. That stipulation was made by Vince McMahon. And what resulted was a solid match with some good psychology. Michaels used a variety of moves, including the Sharpshooter. But in the end, it was the Sweet Chin Music that caused HBK’s downfall. He went to use it and stopped himself, and he walked right into an RKO from Orton. A solid match to cap off a very good feud between these two.

6. 2005: Team RAW vs Team Smackdown

-Can you imagine how good this match would have been if it was not for the untimely passing of Eddie Guerrero? Randy Orton replaced him in this match. But it is matches like these that make you wonder why the WWE doesn’t use this match at Survivor Series more often. There was nothing on the line in this match but bragging rights for the winning match. But the intensity was still high. The elimination of Big Show was good. Shawn Michaels made an awesome comeback (more on these later). It’s a match where if the brand split was around today, it might be just as intense. Even if they just did four on four matches, they would still be fun. The one thing that bothered me during this match was the constant bickering between announcers. Yeah it was the brand split, but it was really annoying about ten minutes into the match.

5. 1992 WWF Championship: Bret Hart (c) vs Shawn Michaels

-The only Survivor Series match people seem to remember between these two is the Montreal Screwjob from 1997. But that match wasn’t that great. Was it one of the most memorable moments in wrestling history? Absolutely. This match, however, is miles better from an in ring perspective. The first half of the match is a lot of long rest holds. The match picked up later. Bret dominated the offense for the last ten minutes, but HBK kicked out of everything Bret threw at him. It was a breakout match for HBK, who showed he can hang with the best the WWF had at the time. This was also a simple time where even near falls after a backdrop or clothesline got the crowd into it. Too bad we will never see that again.

4. 2002 WWE Tag Team Championship: Edge and Rey Mysterio (c) vs Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit vs Los Guerreros

-Everyone likes to talk about the different eras of pro wrestling and talk about which is the best. And when you really think about it, the Smackdown Six era really deserves to be in the discussion. During late 2002, the six men involved in this match put on some of the most entertaining wrestling we have seen in quite some time. Some of the sequences in this match are just plain ridiculous. And the best part is that these six guys made the Tag Team Titles actually seem important. All of these guys are great wrestlers in their own way. Some people will shun or forget about this era because of Chris Benoit. But these guys put on one entertaining fight.

3. 2003: Team Austin vs Team Bischoff

-This one ends up as the top Traditional Survivor Series match on the list. It was the right amount of time and had a good pace to it as far as eliminations went. And it got really good once it got down to Shawn Michaels vs Randy Orton, Christian and Chris Jericho. I don’t know if we will ever see anyone play the underdog as good as Shawn Michaels has. Michaels did a nasty blade job in the match after taking a catapult into the ring post by Christian. But once again, this is a place where the blood added to the drama of the match. Here you see this beat down, bloody Shawn Michaels giving his all against three other guys. This might have ended up higher on my list if not for the ref bump and Batista run-in. As I said, this is everything you want to see in a traditional Survivor Series match, outside of a clean ending.

2. 1995 WWF Championship: Diesel (c) vs Bret Hart

-Sometimes there are things that you just can’t explain. Like the fact that Kevin Nash has great chemistry with Bret Hart. They had a good match at the Royal Rumble earlier in the year, and they had another good one here. The No DQ element was something that was not around much during this time period in the WWF. That alone added to the spectacle of the match. The ending sequence was well done. Diesel pushes Hart off the apron and he goes through the Spanish announce table on the outside (on a side note, could that be the first time that table was broken?). Diesel goes to powerbomb Hart but Hart falls to the ground. Diesel takes his time, and the announcers play up that he is showing sympathy for Bret. Bret then rolls up Diesel to pick up the win. After the match, Diesel snaps and powerbombs Bret and punches multiple referees. While this match may not have been a technical masterpiece, it told a great story throughout.

1. 1996: Steve Austin vs Bret Hart

-Everyone likes to talk about the match these two had at Wrestlemania 13 as the one that launched Austin into stardom. But this match is the one that put him on the match. Austin hung with Bret the entire match. Austin’s popularity was rising at the time, but there might have still been some questions about his work in the ring. This match put any doubt about that to rest. With the match also being Bret’s return match, it had a big fight feel to it. The crowd was into every big move. And I liked the ending of the match. While Austin matched Hart with ever wrestling move along the way, the veteran Hart was able to find one counter Austin wasn’t ready for. When you look back, Austin and Hart were the perfect opponents for each other.

So what’s your take? Agree? Disagree? Feel free to leave your comments down below!

Until Next Time,

Justin C

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonkatopstory120x120-http://media.insidepulse.com/zones/wrestling/uploads/2012/09/jc-top-rope-logo.png|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-http://media.insidepulse.com/zones/wrestling/uploads/2012/09/jc-top-rope-logo.png|topstory500x250

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This Week In Wrestling History #7 (Jeff Jarrett, Eddie Guerrero, Charleston Chew) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/11/12/this-week-in-wrestling-history-7-jeff-jarrett-eddie-guerrero-charleston-chew/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/11/12/this-week-in-wrestling-history-7-jeff-jarrett-eddie-guerrero-charleston-chew/#comments Tue, 12 Nov 2013 11:00:56 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=161235 What happened in wrestling history during the week 11th November – 17th November?
Read on to find out!!

As it turns out, not a great deal happened this week. 

Major Events:

1980 – Tony Garea & a Not Yet The Model Rick Martel defeated The Samoan Swat Team for the WWWWWWF Tag Team title.

1993 – Clash of the Champions MCMXCIII

1993 – Eastern Championship Wrestling held their first “November to Sorta Remember” show. Mr. Hughes defeated Johnny Gunn in a thrilling main event. Thrilling.

snuka-mercury

Title Changes:

1967 – Pat “The Bomber” O’Conner and Wilbur Wright Snyder defeated Young Harley Race and Some Other Guy for the AWA Tag Team title

1975 – Nick Bockwinkel defeated Verne Gagne for the AWA Heavyweight title in a match probably no longer remembered by anyone.

1992 – The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express defeated the Heavenly Bodies for the Smokey Mountain Tag Team title for about the fifteenth time that week.

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1999 – Scott Hall defeated Bret Hart, Sid Vicious & Goldberg for the WCW US Heavyweight title. That can’t possibly have been good.

Career points:

1975 – Tony Parisi & Louis Cerdan defeated both Blackjack Lanza AND Blackjack Mulligan for the Blackjack Tag Team title. Tony Parisi later became Blackjack O’Shaunessy and Louis Cerdan was referred to simply as Black Jack.

1993 – Jeff Jarrett achieved his career pinnacle by winning the USWA Tag Team title with Lawler’s son.jeffjarrett1

2000 – Lance Storm defeated General E. Rection (HAHAHA it’s like erection….is this thing on?) for the WCW US Heavyweight title. Lance Storm looked embarassed.

2005 – Eddie Guerrero’s final pro-wrestling match occurred, where he defeated Ken Kennedy via disqualification. What a way to go out.

Fun Facts:

Eddie Guerrero was found dead in his hotel room in Minneapolis, Minnesota, at the age of 38. An autopsy revealed that Guerrero died as a result of an massive cardiovascular implosion – likely due to WWE making him eat masses of Charleston Chew for promotional purposes the night before.

Thanks for reading! Come back again next week to find out what happened…next week…in history!

(For more “facts” about “wrestling”, be sure to follow @wrestling_facts)

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This Week In Wrestling History #6 (Ahmed Johnson, Junkyard Dog, Koji Kanemoto) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/11/06/this-week-in-wrestling-history-6-ahmed-johnson-junkyard-dog-koji-kanemoto/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/11/06/this-week-in-wrestling-history-6-ahmed-johnson-junkyard-dog-koji-kanemoto/#comments Wed, 06 Nov 2013 11:28:04 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=161219 What mind-blowing events occured  in wrestling history during the week 4th November – 10th November?
Read on to find out!!

Major Events:

1985 – The WWF held their first PPV event. “The Wrestling Classic” featured the Junkyard Dog getting a push to stardom, which lead to his long career on top billing of WWF cards.

1994 – ECW November to Remember

1998 – ECW November to Remember

snuka-glob-11999 – ECW November to Remember

2000 – ECW November to Remember

2007 – The Fabulous Moolah appeared at the Wrestling Afterlife supercard at the age of 124.

Title Changes:

1939 – Salacious Steve Casey defeated King Ed Don George for the NWAUSAWA World Heavyweight title

1977 – Dick “Howling Mad” Murdoch won his 44th Mid-South-North US Championship by defeating Jerry Oates (of Hall & Oates fame).

1990 – Terry Funk defeated Jerry Lawler for the Terry Funk Retirement Championship for the second time.

terryfunk11995 – Ahmed Johnson defeated Jerry Lawler for the USWA Unified Heavyweight title in Memphis. This was the first time a black person had won the title there, following the passing of statewide legislation on civil rights in sports entertainment.

Career points:

1981 – The Spoiler defeated Charlie Cook for the Florida State Heavyweight title, in what is considered one of the greatest pro-wrestling matches of all time.

1994 – AAA When Worlds Collide became the one good thing Eric Bischoff helped put together.

2000 – Crowbar defeated Reno for the WCW Hardcore title. I don’t know who either of them are.

reno-wcw2002 – Edge & Rey Mysterio Jr defeated Kurt Angle & Crispin Noir for the WWE Randomly Assembled Tag Team title.

Fun Facts:

In 1990, Koji Kanemoto and Hiroyoshi Tenzan of All New Japan Pro Wrestling made their professional wrestling debuts in the infamous 220-man Battle Royal at the Tokyo Super Sky Dome.

Thanks for reading! Come back again next week to find out what happened…next week…in history!

(For more “facts” about “wrestling”, be sure to follow @wrestling_facts)

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This Week In Wrestling History #5 (Dusty Rhodes, Brock Lesnar, Lance Storm) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/10/29/this-week-in-wrestling-history-5-dusty-rhodes-brock-lesnar-lance-storm/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/10/29/this-week-in-wrestling-history-5-dusty-rhodes-brock-lesnar-lance-storm/#comments Tue, 29 Oct 2013 10:00:08 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=160915 What deeply fascinating occurances happened in wrestling history during the week 28th October – 3rd November?

Read on to find out!!

 

Major Events:

1997 – WCW Halloween Havoc became the greatest Halloween Havoc in wrestling history (until the next year) by featuring impressive cruiserweight fights and bizarre cage matches with Roddy Piper.

2001 – The first ever World Wrestling All-Stars show was held in Sydney (that’s in Australia, yanks) featuring all the wrestlers that didn’t get signed when WWE bought WCW….meaning Rick Steiner, Stevie Ray and Jeff Jarrett took part.

snukatitan1

2002 – WWE held the last of its UK-exclusive pay-per-view shows. “Rebellion” was discontinued after only seven people turned up to the Manchester Arena to see Rikishi vs Albert and Nidia vs Dawn Marie.

2003 – The NWA 138th Anniversary Show was held in Kingston, Ontario featuring Dan Severn, Steve Corino and whoever else was still in the NWA at that time.

Title Changes:

1932 – Prince Gustav Adolf of Sweden defeated Princess Sibylla of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha and was crowned the first Intercontinental Champion of the post Austro-Hungary era.

1980 – Apache Chief & The Golly defeated Mr. Nipp & Emperor Slittihito for the WWWWWWWF Tag Team titles in a match that’s not often included on WWE archive collections.

1983 – Junkyard Dog defeated Butch Reed for the Jim Crow Deep South Heavyweight title.

1988 – The Road Warriors defeated Bobby Eaton & Stan Lane for the NWA World Tag Team title, probably because The Road Warriors are better, had facepaint and drew more money.

1995 – Johnny B. Badd defeated Diamond Dallas Page for the WCW Television Title…again.

lancestorm1

2000 – General E. Rection (HAHAHAHAHA it sounds like erection, do you see?!? Like a man’s penis.) defeated Lance Storm & Hacksaw Jim Duggan for the WCW Bullshit Heavyweight title

2000 – Genichiro Tenryu defeated Toshiaki Kawada in a tournament final for the vacant AJPW Triple Crown Title in a memorable bout that was enjoyed and respected by all. See, not everything has to be a joke.


Career points:

1957 – The NWA sustained its first combat fatality in the Vietnam War when the first Sgt Slaughter (real name Miklos von Schuzman) was caught in a firefight with Viet-cong near Tchesung.

1978 – Richard “The Boy” Flair & Almost Big John Studd defeated John Paul Jones & Jon Steamboat Bonham to win the NWA Mid-Atlantic Tag Team Title

dustyrhodes1

1980 – Dusty Rhodes defeated Bobby “Mick” Jaggers for the Florida State Penitentiary Title

2001 – Shelton Benjamin & Brock Lesnar defeated Rico Constantino & The Prototype for the OVW Southern Heavyweight Tag Title. Little became of these four wrestlers after this short title fued.


Fun Facts:

On 25th October 1982, The Mary Rose, former flagship of King Henry VIII was raised to the surface. The pride of the Royal Navy had sunk in 1545 and its raising from the sea floor of the English Channel was aided by several WWF heavy hitters such as Ken Patera, Killer Khan and Nick Bockwinkel.


Thanks for reading! Come back again next week to find out what happened…next week…in history!

(For more “facts” about “wrestling”, be sure to follow @wrestling_facts)

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This Week in Wrestling History #4 (Steve Austin, Goldust, Scott Hall) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/10/22/this-week-in-wrestling-history-4-steve-austin-goldust-scott-hall/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/10/22/this-week-in-wrestling-history-4-steve-austin-goldust-scott-hall/#comments Tue, 22 Oct 2013 10:00:27 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=160411    What happened in wrestling history during the week 21st October – 27th October?
Read on to find out!!

Major Events:

1994 – At Halloween Havoc, Hulk Hogan was attacked and raped by a masked man who had been stalking him for months. Ric Flair saw what happened….and yet did nothing to stop it.

snuka-neb1

1995 – Goldust defeated Marty Jannetty at WWF’s In Your House 4. It was the first PPV event of this type to take place in someone’s actual house – that of WWF competition winner Bob Wilson of Winnipeg, Manitoba.

2001 – After over a decade of accidentally spike piledriving himself into the mat, Hayabusa was paralyzed from the neck down by accidentaly spike piledriving himself into the mat.

Title Changes:

1981 – Ken Patera defeated Jack Brisco for the Missouri State Fair Corn Dog Competition Title.

corndog

1979 – Jerry Lawler was beaten by a negro for the USWA Heavyweight title and Memphis erupted into a frenzy of hate crime and racial disorder.

1994 – Paul Orndorff & Paul Roma defeated The Patriot & Marcus Bagwell for the WCW World Tag Team title in what was considered to be the high point of Paul Orndorff’s career.

2000 – The Hardy Boyz defeated Edge in a handicap match for the WWF Tag Team title, although disability rights groups complained that Edge should be called “special” and not handicapped.

2005 – Rhino defeated the entire TNA roster at Bound For Glory after Kevin Nash, complaining of a headache, failed to show up.

Career points:

1979 – Ivan Putski & Tito Santana defeated Johnny & Jerry Valiant for the WWWWWWWF Tag Team title, but their celebrations were interrupted by Jimmy Valiant and his shotgun.

1995 – Shawn Michaels forfeit the WWF Intercontinental title to Shane Douglas.

1995 – Razor Ramon defeated Shane Douglas for the WWF Intercontinental title. Good job, Shane Douglas.

scotthall1
2001 – Bradshaw defeated Hurricane Helms for the WWF European Heavyweight title. Helms felt sore in the morning.

Fun Facts:

The Stone Cold Stunner, Steve Austin’s signature move was first used twenty eight years ago. The move, involving Austin striking the victim in the eye with a half-empty lager can, was initially used in backstreet drinking pits but later developed into a finishing manoeuvre and then again to be performed by Austin every five minutes for no particular reason at all.

steveaustin1


Thanks for reading! Come back again next week to find out what happened…next week…in history!

(For more “facts” about “wrestling”, be sure to follow @wrestling_facts)

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Guys and Divas #3: After the Stampede (Cody Rhodes, Goldust, Tamina Snuka, WCW Monday Nitro) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/10/16/guys-and-divas-3-after-the-stampede-cody-rhodes-goldust-tamina-snuka-wcw-monday-nitro/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/10/16/guys-and-divas-3-after-the-stampede-cody-rhodes-goldust-tamina-snuka-wcw-monday-nitro/#comments Wed, 16 Oct 2013 09:50:29 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=160542 Good day, everyone!

Welcome to week three of “Guys and Divas”; the only column on Inside Pulse Wrestling that puts its legs on one pant at a time.

I’ve got a real cracker of a column for you this week. In this week’s “Bonus Ball”, I’ll be taking a trip down memory lane to the show that started it all. Plus, the Rhodes Brothers make history and the latest adventures of  the daughter of the “Superfly”, Tamina Snuka!

But first(!), some business.

I’d like to apologize to anyone who might have taken certain facets of my column thus far the wrong way. I’ve wanted to write something like this for a very long time, and I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about what I’m about or how I feel about the lively and thoughtful discussions that are no doubt in our futures.

I assure you that the use of the epithet “Kids” in the preface to last week’s “Bonus Ball” was merely a stylistic choice, as the whole segment was intended to be conducted in the style of a family meeting. I didn’t intend to put forth a tone of condescension or to imply that I’m “better” than anyone. It was, as I say, a stylistic choice and nothing more.

As my column progresses, I fully intend to engage in the comments. My request to not be pulled into arguments was a response to a specific commenter (who believe it or not, didn’t even return for week two, so it was pretty much all for nought) who I felt misinterpreted the gist of what I was saying. It obviously would have been better to address that commenter directly within the comments section, and that was my mistake and for that I am sorry.

I’m new here and I’m still learning when and where and how to address the things that happen around my column. I’ll get there, but I’ll need some patience in the meantime. I sincerely hope I can count on all of you for that.

In the spirit of that, I must stand firm on one thing however. I DO love the Divas division, and that comes from a long-standing, deep-seeded affection for the strong female figures I’ve known both personally and through various entertainment media. I agree that the Divas division and the way it is treated within WWE isn’t in the best shape right now, and I would never argue to the contrary. My position is simply that despite their flaws and the flaws of those who are in charge of their adventures, I care about these characters and the women who portray them very deeply. I know that’s not a very common sentiment, but it is what it is and that’s the place from which all my thoughts will spring forth.

So long story short (too late), I hope we can all move forward from all this and start a healthy dialogue about this thing we all love…and remember, the column’s called “GUYS and Divas”. I’m going to cover it all, and I hope you’ll all come with me as I do.

Thank you for your time.

…AND NOW, ON WITH THE SHOW!

This Monday night saw the crowning of new WWE Tag Team Champions and arguably the beginning of one of the most long-awaited storylines in years. Let’s raise a verbose but well-earned glass…to Cody and Goldust!

GUYS

Capping off what I felt to be a really solid Monday Night Raw this week, we saw the long-running Tag Team Championship reign of The Shield’s Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns come to a decisive end at the hands of The Rhodes Brothers (Cody and Goldust)–with a little help from The Big Show.

What a match, too! All too rarely these days do I really feel like I’m watching characters fight for their lives. Perhaps it’s just the cynicism of adulthood and having watched this show for so long, but sometimes it feels like the performers are so consumed with trying to reach the predetermined result that they forget to take us on a journey.

Not these four men. Not this time. Cody, Dustin, Seth and Roman had me glued to my television and never sure where this could all go; not to mention how refreshing it was to see the Tag Team belts being defended in the main event, with very few strings from other storylines attached. If anyone has any doubt about the prestige of the “giant pennies” being alive and well, this match cemented their importance in a big way. (As I mentioned last week, the mens’ singles titles could use such a boost, and I hope they get it soon.)

After a perfunctory (yet, I’d imagine, quality) rematch sometime soon, it’s a safe bet that The Shield will return to their new roles as Triple H and Stephanie’s bodyguards and muscle with nary a dent. As for the Rhodes Brothers, I think we’re all abuzz about the possibility that the long-awaited Cody vs. Goldust Wrestlemania showdown is waiting in the wings.

Frankly, the recent reemergence of Dustin Rhodes in general has had me in a constant state of theorizing how we might find ourselves with that dream match. Will it just be another standard “tag team breaks up over a minor quibble” scenario or are we in for something really special and really personal?

I opt for the second possibility. I think the seeds were planted a few weeks back during the Dusty and Stephanie confrontation. After proposing that “The American Dream” decide which of his sons would be returning to the WWE ring, our Mrs. Levesque seemed to sum up the relationship between the legendary father and his two sons. Cody is the clean-cut golden child and Dustin is the troubled, often ignored and misunderstood rebel. I have to believe sometime in the next 6+ months, that dynamic is going to become a factor.

Now, the question becomes: who’ll be the face and who’ll be the heel?

From a sentimental perspective, I don’t see how Dustin is our heel. He’s the wily veteran getting a chance at redemption. I can’t fathom how that would lead to a villainous role. He’s got to be the face; the protective older sibling who worries that his kid brother’s getting a big head from all of his newfound success. Moreover, if we get this match, I’d say it’s highly likely it’ll be some sort of retirement shenanigan. Heel Cody defeats Face Dustin, whose career is ended…but then Cody reaches a hand down and lifts his brother up for a tearful embrace. He’s earned his respect and accepted a passed torch. A Wrestlemania classic, to be sure.

Regardless of how it all turns out, I think we can all agree that we’ve got great things in store courtesy of the sons of the son of a plumber.

…and speaking of multi-generational superstars, let’s head over to this week’s Divas segment for a look at one of the division’s best and brightest, and her new place in the WWE Universe.

DIVAS

April 15. I take my girlfriend to her very first live WWE event. She’s been watching the show with me for about six months at this point and has come to love it from her usual literary perspective; something I adore about her.

After what seems an interminable wait outside the Local Grocery Store Conglomerate Arena, we take our seats. It’s a perfect view: dead center (both vertically and horizontally) on the camera side. We’re getting a live panoramic view of what we see on our television screen every week.

A bit of pyro. Some videos touting WWE’s work with the National Guard. A DVD trailer or two…and then, it’s on.

The screaming guitar and the modified version of “Hart Attack” heralds Natalya to the ring. I’m ecstatic that not only are we going to see arguably the best Diva on the roster in action, but she’s not flanked by her lumbering then-on-screen boyfriend and their leprechaun pal. I wonder, can it get any better?

Then it gets better.

Tribal drumbeats ring out and out steps an Amazon in blue. My girlfriend’s eyes widen. I smile big. Tonight we’re going to see Natalya vs. Tamina Snuka, and it is going to be FANTASTIC.

My girlfriend is now enamored of Tamina, and why wouldn’t she be?–She’s big, loud, powerful and bloody gorgeous; like a Samoan Sigourney Weaver.

Sadly, this was pretty much the last we saw of her for a while. Plagued with injuries and having just earned a role in her cousin Dwayne’s upcoming Hercules film, Tamina took some time away from the ring. Meanwhile, the rivalry of former best friends AJ Lee and Kaitlyn and the debut of E!’s “Total Divas” monopolized the division’s airtime.

Now the dust has settled, and we’re kind of back to the standard Diva plot of the last few years. There’s a challenger. There’s a champion. A match is nigh…but oh, wait! What’s this? AJ’s got some muscle…and in the immortal words of Leon Phelps, it’s a lady!

Mark my words: AJ and Tamina will have a falling out…and the results will be glorious.

Here’s what I picture. The champ and her enforcer split (probably violently). Tamina remembers that she’s the alpha female of this proverbial canvas jungle. She challenges her former client for the butterfly belt (and to tag up on a comment from last week, I agree we need to get the Women’s Championship back in the mix like whoa). She dominates.

Now we have a monster heel holding all the marbles. Diva after Diva after Diva steps up to the plate, only to be flattened by a big boot and a Superfly Splash. It seems like no one can stop this second-generation lady-trouncing machine…

…and then, as gives rise to so many hidden characters in “Super Smash Bros.”, A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS!

Who will it be? A newly-promoted NXT face? A returning Kharma? Or maybe it’s just the end of the line…and standing tall, waiting to take it all down: Natalya. I don’t know about you (although I can respectfully guess for some of you), but all this makes me pretty giddy for the next few months of Diva action.

Ta. Mi. Na.

Ta! Mi! Na!

TA. MI. NA.

TA! MI! NA!

Like music to my Diva-loving ears. This is going to be fun. I just know it.

Finally this week, I’m proud to present a new sub-segment here at “Guys and Divas”. Starting here, I’ll be periodically taking a look back at a formative, memorable or favorite moment in my life as a professional wrestling diehard.

This time around, we go to the root of all the madness: my first time watching wrestling on television. Buckle up, put some refuse in Mr. Fusion and hold tight. The proverbial DeLorean is on the move, for today…

THE BONUS BALL presents “WAYBACK CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING FEDERATION ENTERTAINMENT”

WCW Monday Nitro: April 20, 1998

This is where it all began for me.

It’s the night after WCW/nWo Spring Stampede 1998. The top stories:

  • “Macho Man” Randy Savage is your new World Heavyweight Champion after defeating Sting in a No Disqualification Match. The nWo is beginning to split, and will eventually form two factions: Hollywood (black and white) and Wolfpac (black and red).
  • Raven is your new United States Champion after defeating Diamond Dallas Page in a Raven’s Rules Match. He already has his first challenger in the thus-far undefeated (74-0, to date) Goldberg, and his own organization (The Flock) is dealing with infighting.
  • Booker T is your new WCW Television Champion.

After fifteen years, I slipped into watching this episode like a glove. I thought the production design, the sound of Tony Schiavone calling the action or the sight of those chrome plated letters on either side of the stage would cause a bit of nostalgic jet lag…but I was thankfully mistaken.

What a different show this was, though. Compared to the WWE (or even TNA) of today, there was very little prose and matches seemed to flow naturally from one to the next. Characters defined themselves by their actions instead of their words, more often than not. It felt like a show about WRESTLING, and I had no idea how much I missed that.

I know I’ve stated numerous times thus far here on “Guys and Divas” that the main crux of my attention as a viewer of professional wrestling is in the writing, the theatricality and the storytelling. Watching this, I began to wonder if perhaps that was less about a personal predilection and more about the changing times. When I watched these shows as a young man, every second counted and the fights themselves gripped me far more than promos or interviews. Is it a product of aging? Of my years in the theatre? Or is it a defense mechanism I’ve developed to combat those who might sneer that at 26, I still make a point of watching a show about sweaty men faux-fighting and acting out a live soap opera?

Whatever the answer, as I watched, I started making a mental list of things I miss, things I don’t miss and things that left me conflicted.

  • MISS: A prominent Cruiserweight division and a strong presence from the world of lucha libre. In this episode in particular, I was treated to a bout between “The Chairman of WCW” La Parka and the Ultimo Dragon. I recall watching matches like this one in a state of wonderment. When you’re a kid and you’ve got school the next day, every moment of your night counts, and I guess the presence of these acrobatic performers (traditionally during the 8 o’clock hour) was something I held very dear, and something I remember with great fondness.
  • DON’T MISS: The Hogan of it all.
  • CONFLICT: The grunginess. I remember when I started watching wrestling, it was viewed as something trashy on the level of “The Jerry Springer Show”. I’ve always been attracted to forbidden things, so I felt somewhat rebellious. To be fair, this was also when the business was at the to-date unmatched zenith of its popularity, so I wasn’t part of a shameful minority. Sometimes I miss that rush of feeling like “This is weird. I shouldn’t be watching this…but I’m still going to anyway.” Then I remember what that outward controversy meant backstage. These were the days before we lost so many talented men and women to the addictions that that environment tended to breed. As homogenized and squeaky-clean as this business may seem sometimes today, I feel better knowing that there is a concerted effort being made to keep these performers as safe and comfortable as possible. Does it result in a loss of spontaneity and unpredictability?–Perhaps; but I sleep better knowing I’m not always watching someone for the last time…and on that tip…
  • MISS: Eddie Guerrero. It goes without saying, but GOD, he was something.
  • MISS: Bobby Heenan on color commentary. Sure, Jerry Lawler gets off a clever one-liner now and again; but “The Brain” was a font of hilarious thought. So many times during this episode, Tony Schiavone would throw to commercial; and as the camera panned over to the Nitro logo sitting on the ground, Heenan couldn’t help but fire off one more ridiculous quip. Just fantastic.
  • CONFLICT: Buff Bagwell. I miss him because I remember finding him ridiculously entertaining. I don’t miss him because he’s Buff Bagwell.
  • DON’T MISS: The WCW Hotline. It got me into a lot of trouble when I was 12. Not a good memory.
  • MISS: WCW’s sense of continuity. To use an example from this episode, at one point Schiavone mentions something from a pay-per-view two years prior that leads DIRECTLY to the then-current Nash/Savage contingent. I know it’s a small thing, but it made me really happy.
  • MISS: The competition of two shows on a Monday night. True, the fairly recent attempt by TNA to be WWE’s new rival was a failure, but there’s something about that “other show” being around that really seems to up the creative team’s game.

All in all, it was fun to look back at the night where my relationship with this business kicked off and I look forward to revisiting more such events the third Wednesday of each month. Let’s get nostalgic up in this mother.

…and like that, the third installment of “Guys and Divas” comes to a close. I hope you all had fun reading it; and speaking of fun, I’ve got some homework for you, dear reader.

In the spirit of keeping the comments lively and interactive and fun, I’d like to hear from you on the following questions (in addition to your traditional thoughts and queries).

  • I laid out my potential Cody/Goldust plot. Where do you think it could go? Do you think Dustin COULD be the heel?–Help me predict the future for the Rhodes Brothers.
  • If not Natalya, who do you think could be the David to Tamina’s Goliath? Is there anyone in NXT who’s caught your eye?–Sound off on this potential Divas blockbuster.
  • What was your first televised wrestling experience?–Share your memories of the first time you glimpsed the world of sports entertainment on your screen.

(OBVIOUS CONFESSION: I love a good bulleted list.)

As usual, join me for my weekly Monday Night Raw live-tweet (username: @biscuitman18; hashtag #GuysAndDivas) and again thank you for your patience and your thoughts. I really do appreciate you all.

Until next week, I’m Jeff Heatherly saying “Come on, Mary Todd Lincoln. I’ll buy you a drink.” So long, everybody!topstory120x120-http://media.insidepulse.com/zones/wrestling/uploads/2013/09/guys-and-divas-logo-120×120.jpg|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-http://media.insidepulse.com/zones/wrestling/uploads/2013/09/guys-and-divas-logo-500×250.jpg|topstory500x250

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Rabblecast #338 Wrestlers In Cinema! http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/10/09/rabblecast-338-wrestlers-in-cinema/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/10/09/rabblecast-338-wrestlers-in-cinema/#comments Thu, 10 Oct 2013 02:18:11 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=160439 The world of professional wrestling has always flirted with “glitz and glamor” of Hollywood. Both portray larger than life characters and strive to tell intriguing stories to capture their audience. One would think that a professional wrestler would be able to smoothly transition from one industry to the other. That’s not always the case however. In this special episode, the guys rundown various “hits and misses” that have come and gone over the years. From small cameos(Terry Funk in Roadhouse) to full fledged movie roles(Hulk Hogan in No Holds Barred). Do you think Pro Wrestlers have what it takes to be in movies?

 

We Are The Rabblecast!

 

Follow us on Twitter:

http://www.Twitter.com/Rabblecast

Join The Rabblecast Facebook Fan page:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Rabblecast

Email us at: Rabblecast@gmail.com

 

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The SmarK Retro Rant for WCW Nitro – 04.26.99 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/09/22/the-smark-retro-rant-for-wcw-nitro-04-26-99/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/09/22/the-smark-retro-rant-for-wcw-nitro-04-26-99/#comments Sun, 22 Sep 2013 07:30:44 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=159791 The SmarK Retro Rant for WCW Nitro – 04.26.99

This show was posted to the blog via the YouTubes recently, so I figured, what the fuck, I’ll just review it and be done with it.

By the way, Jon Jones is LUCKY.  He should buy those judges a beer.  49-46?  Really?

Rick Rude gets the tribute treatment to really put this show on a pleasant note to start.

And we start in the MENTAL HOSPITAL, where Ric Flair currently resides.  There are just too many jokes to make and three hours of this show is not enough time to make them all.

Meanwhile, Charles Robinson assumes the office of the President in place of Flair.  Oh yeah, I forgot, this was during Nash’s tenure where he was experimenting with putting almost no wrestling in the first hour just to show people would watch anyway.

Finally, we are LIVE from Fargo, ND.  Yo, G, you peep that huge new WCW logo on the stage?  You can feel the ratings turning around as we speak!  The kids LOVE spiky logos!

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Mike Tenay

Roddy Piper joins us, and he is the commissioner, not to be confused with the President (Flair) or the Vice-President (Little Naitch) or whatever JJ Dillon was at this point.  So Piper points out that he’s the ONLY person in charge and he’s got decisions to decide.  So Randy Savage is reinstated and faces Scott Steiner for the US title.  Then he brings out DDP and books him to defend the World title against Sting.  This crowd is amazingly pumped.  You never see this kind of energy from RAW crowds now.

DJ Ran gets all up in our areas.

Brian Adams v. Konnan

Adams is wearing nWo colors and honestly I literally would not be able to keep track of who was supposed to be representing which faction without a scorecard.  Adams attacks, but gets bulldogged and dropkicked.  I know there was baggage and shit with Konnan, but really they should have brought him into WWE in 2000 and let him join DX to revitalize the group, because he could have been dropped right in there.  I mean, it’s FUNNIER that they told him to fuck off, but my own personal amusement isn’t always best for business.  Anyway, Adams comes back with a press slam as this obviously coked up crowd goes crazy for this horseshit match for some reason.  Adams with the world’s least devastating chinlock, but Konnan makes the comeback and gets a rollup for two.  Adams with a powerslam for two, but Konnan hits the carpet muncher into the half-crab, which gives us the nWo run-in finish at 5:00.  Oh yeah, that’s right, this was the B-Team era, with Steve Ray as the leader.  ½*  They sure managed to kill the “nWo Elite” gimmick right out of the gate, didn’t they?

Scott & Steve Armstrong v. Raven

This was supposed to be a tag match, but Saturn got jumped by the Horsemen.  Raven goes it alone and takes Scott into the chair with the DROP TOEHOLD OF DEATH for two, and then the same for Steve to put the poor chair out of its misery.  Raven keeps evading the Armstrongs and uses the No Mercy divide-and-conquer strategy for dealing with handicap matches before walking into a superkick from Scott.  Scott superkicks his own brother and Raven DDTs him for two, but Steve hits Raven with the chair and Scott pins him at 4:09.  **

Meanwhile, Charles Robinson calls Flair at the mental hospital, and then joins us in the ring to confirm that he is in fact the man in charge, not Roddy Piper.  Ah, for the days of 1999, when pro wrestling figurehead was such a growth industry that people were fighting over it.  Robinson’s facials are just tremendous reacting to Piper, as he is obviously a devoted student of Flair.  Piper gets fired and hauled off in handcuffs.  They should put Robinson in charge of RAW now, he’d be awesome.

WCW World title:  DDP v. Sting

They slug it out and Page loses that battle, and they fight to the floor, then back in for clotheslines from Sting and the Stinger splash.  Scorpion deathlock, but DDP makes the ropes and escapes again.  Back in, Sting keeps pounding on him, but Page takes him down with a hammerlock.  Sting fights up and Page puts him down with a clothesline, but Sting tosses him.  So they brawl up the aisle, Sting further kicks his ass, and they head back in where Page finally goes low to slow him down.  So DDP takes over with a backdrop suplex, but they collide and Sting does the goofy headbutt to the crotch spot.  Page remains in control with a DDT and chokes him out in the corner, then slugs him down for two.  Page goes to work on the knee and tries the Diamond Cutter, but Sting blocks with the ropes and comes back with a jawbreaker.  Sting to the top with a flying splash that gets two.  They head out and Page catches him with a necksnap on the way in, but Sting runs him into the turnbuckles (loudly calling a spot on camera)  and Page gets the rotation powerbomb for two.  Page misses a charge and Sting rolls him up for two, but Page comes back with a lariat.  Sting with a small package for two and he hits a clothesline for two.  Sting with an awkward piledriver for two.  He tries a tombstone, and they each reverse until Sting hits it for two.  Page with another DDT for two.  Sting with a backslide, but Page goes low to block that.  Page tries the Cutter, but Sting counters with the deathdrop to win the World title at 20:00.  I was kind of losing the vibe at the beginning, but by the time they got to the counters and trading piledrivers at the end, it was a hell of a deal.  ****

Cruiserweight title:  Psychosis v. Rey Mysterio

I totally don’t remember Psy ever getting that belt.  Were this match to occur today, it would be non-title and Rey would be attempting to get “back in the hunt” for a title match by beating the champion.  I’m confused because the dude introduced as Rey Mysterio doesn’t have a mask, thus robbing the promotion in millions of merch dollars from mask sales, which would just be stupid.  Psy takes over with a release powerbomb into the turnbuckles, and a suplex onto the top rope.  Rey fights back with a rana off the apron that looks really dangerous, and speaking of dangerous, here comes Benoit and Malenko.  Back in, Rey reverses a faceplant into a carpet muncher, and both guys brawl outside and disrupt the Horsemen promo.  Psy with a powerbomb for two.  Rey reverses another attempt into a DDT, and regains the title at 5:20.  That’s probably why I didn’t remember Psychosis ever being champion, since it only lasted for a week.  This was kind of a trainwreck.  **  Benoit and Malenko put a pretty epic beating on Mysterio for fun.

Kevin Nash is out to remind us that NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT HIM, and thus he needs to do something about it.  So since he’s due for a World title shot at the PPV and won’t get it now, he challenges Sting, DDP and Goldberg to a World title match TONIGHT.

Meanwhile, Flair continues commenting on the proceedings from the mental hospital.  Of very minor note is the introduction of Asya as his nurse.

DJ Ran continues mixing hip-hop beats for a group of people with mullets and Metallica t-shirts watching wrestlers who all use generic cock rock themes.  Yes, WCW used to spend thousands on marketing and surveys and then ignored EVERY SINGLE THING they learned from it.

Erik Watts v. Bam Bam Bigelow

Watts takes Bigelow down with…something…and Bigelow is like “fuck this” and destroys him with the diving headbutt and Greetings From Asbury Park to finish at 1:00.

Sting is out to accept Nash’s challenge for tonight.

World TV title:  Booker T v. THE MONSTER MENG

Meng overpowers Booker, but runs into a forearm, and Booker gets a dropkick for two.  Meng throws chops in the corner and gets a powerslam and choking, but Booker comes back with the axe kick and the ref is bumped.  This brings out Stevie Ray as Meng gets the TONGAN DEATH GRIP, but Stevie helps his brother out with a slapjack to retain at 5:34.  ½*  Rick Steiner comes out to brawl with Stevie for some reason, and this leads to tension between Rick and Booker that leads to Steiner winning the TV title at the god-awful Slamboree PPV.

Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan gets knee surgery.  Don’t worry, he’d be back to get the World title from Randy Savage a few weeks later.

I was really into this show for the first hour but there’s just so much crap and filler since the title change, with DJ Ran and the Nitro Girls and Flair booking matches from the crazy house, it’s really kind of a drag.

HARDCORE MAYHEM:  Brian Knobs v. Mikey Whipwreck v. Hak v. Horace Hogan

Everyone has kendo sticks for some reason.  Knobs quickly grabs a ladder and puts everyone down with it, while yelling “Nasty” every couple of minutes so you know he’s the heel.  And even after all that filler, we still have to take a break in the middle of this match.  Back with more pointless mayhem, including Hak hitting people with a giant bottle of SURGE.  Hey, whatever happened to Chastity?  She kind of disappeared off the face of the earth after WCW died.  She’s kind of floating around ringside here and I don’t even remember who she was supposed to be seconding.  Hak?  More stuff happens.  I should note that I found ECW One Night Stand 2006 (Cena v. RVD) in a DVD bargain bin tonight for $4 and figured I might as well pick it up, and I totally forgot that Barely Legal was included as a bonus disc!  Be good and you might get a redo of that rant next week.  So this collection of wacky hardcore spots continues and Knobs wins at 12:30 because, you know, Hulk Hogan.  *  His victory promo alerts us that we should prepare to taste the nasty sensation due to the gates of Nastyville being opened.  Is that like code for a root canal?

US title:  Scott Steiner v. Randy Savage

This show is turning into a trainwreck comprised of circus cars flying over a cliff and landing on a pile of dynamite with pieces of exploded clown splattering everything.  Charles Robinson assumes refereeing duties and possibly fines Billy Silverman for flying first class as well.  You’d think that Scott Steiner v. MACHO MAN and his harem of women would have been the easiest feud in the world to book, but they just never went there.  Good god, the promos alone would have been legendary.  Savage accidentally bumps into Robinson off the lockup and he calls for the DQ at 1:00.  TRAIN FULL OF CLOWNS GOING OFF THE CLIFF AND BLOWING UP, I SAY.  Little Naitch gets stripped to his boxers by Gorgeous George and he’s a stronger man than I for not getting a chubby on national TV as a result.

Meanwhile, Medusa and the future Molly Holly train George in what would probably be the setup for a porn video in most other circumstances.

WCW World title:  Sting v. DDP v. Goldberg v. Kevin Nash

We’re joined in progress after the break, as DDP is wandering around the crowd while the other three fight.  Goldberg fights off both Sting and Nash, hitting Nash with a suplex for two.  Sadly, at this point Nitro is so terrible that even YouTube can’t deal with it, and the video quality degenerates to sub-ROH levels and I have to shut it down.  DDP regains the belt, only to lose it to Nash at the PPV for some reason.  Oh yeah, Nash was the booker, that was the reason.

The Pulse

I was really into this show for an hour, but then the ghost of WCW took over again and I was reminded why I hated this show so, SO much.   Expecting them to have enough good ideas and attention span to fill more than an hour is expecting a lot, I know.  Holy crap did this show suck around this time, though.  And we haven’t even made it to the Hummer and Dennis Rodman and the return of yellow Hogan and all that bullshit yet!topstory120x120-http://media.insidepulse.com/zones/wrestling/uploads/2011/08/smarklogo-120×120.jpg|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-http://media.insidepulse.com/zones/wrestling/uploads/2012/03/DDP-500.jpg|topstory500x250

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JC’s Top Rope Report: Flashback Thoughts: WCW New Blood Rising http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/08/31/jcs-top-rope-report-flashback-thoughts-wcw-new-blood-rising/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/08/31/jcs-top-rope-report-flashback-thoughts-wcw-new-blood-rising/#comments Sat, 31 Aug 2013 22:20:41 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=159392  

Yes, once again I am sitting through a PPV from the dying days of WCW for your entertainment. This time it is New Blood Rising!

 

3 Count (w/Tank Abbott) vs The Jung Dragons

 

-If you listened to are recent Top 5, you know I despise everything about 3 Count. Especially with the addition of Tank Abbott.

 

-It’s a ladder match with the Gold Record and recording contract hanging above the ring. Yes, WCW in 2000 people!

 

-Surprisingly not bad action so far. Jaime-San hits a splash from the top of the ladder in the ring to the outside. Evan Karagias then hits a suplex off the ladder into the ring.

 

-Kaz Hayashi grabs the record, but it gets knocked out of his hands into the hands of Tank Abbott. The announcers claim since Hayashi never left the ladder with the record, it doesn’t count.

 

-Karagias grabs the recording contract off the ladder. Tank Abbott then leaves with the record and contract. That was a good match and a smart choice to open the show.

 

The Great Muta vs Ernest “The Cat” Miller

 

-How the hell did WCW convince Muta to stick around in the dying days of this company? Muta is above this.

 

-This actually isn’t a bad match so far. The Cat is holding his own with Muta.

 

-And after I write that, Muta hits The Cat with the mist. Then he is forced to sell an AWFUL chair shot from Tygress off the top rope. Muta kicks out. But The Cat picks up the win. Decent match until the end.

 

Judy Bagwell On A Pole Match: “Positively” Kanyon vs Buff Bagwell

 

-I don’t read the match card before I do these. I look for a PPV in the month and use the first full one I find. I think I had erased this storyline from my memory.

 

-Oh look here comes David Arquette! Why not just bring back The Shockmaster while we are at it.

 

-Arquette hits Bagwell with a construction helmet but Bagwell kicks out. Bagwell then hits a double Buff Blockbuster for the win. After the match Kanyon hits a Diamond Cutter on Arquette. And we will never speak of this match or storyline again.

 

WCW Tag Team Championship: The Misfits in Action vs Sean O’Haire and Mark Jindrak vs The Perfect Event (Chuck Palumbo and Sean Stasiak) vs Kronic (c)

 

-The Filthy Animals were all made special guest referees for this match by The Cat.

 

-It’s a shame Kronic came together so late in WCW. I would have liked to see them during the nWo period. Or even in the Attitude Era in the WWF.

 

-The Filthy Animals are taking away greatly from this match. Disco Inferno is slow counting everything. Tygress hit a Bronco Buster on Lash Leroux. And they are also carrying around the Tag Titles even though they aren’t Champs.

 

-Because there aren’t enough people involved already, Vampiro and Great Muta attack Kronic for some reason. They fail and then just leave. Kronic hits their finisher on Chuck Palumbo. Disco refuses to count. Lt. Loco of MIA comes out and takes Disco’s ref shirt, puts it around his neck, then makes the three count. And there ladies and gentlemen is the dying days of WCW.

Strap Match: Shane Douglas (w/Torrie Wilson) vs Billy Kidman

 

-Every heel so far has ripped on Canada tonight. Way to be original!

 

-Kidman promised to reveal a sex tape of Torrie Wilson during this angle? I think the one with her and Dawn Marie would have been better.

 

-Torrie Wilson has been involved in about three false finishes in this match.

 

-Kidman hits the Kid Crusher to win the match. After he slaps Torrie on the ass with the strap. Shane Douglas “hangs” Kidman by choking him in the corner with Kidman hanging. Big Vito makes the save. Reno attacks him after but Vito gets the better of him too.

 

-In the parking lot, Jeff Jarrett attacks Booker T and slams his already injured knee in the door.

 

Major Guns vs Miss Hancock

 

-How could Cameron say her favorite match was Melina vs Alicia Fox when she obviously forgot about this five star classic?

 

-This is a Bra and Panties Match with pinfalls, and a mud pit by the stage. Because why not?

 

-Miss Hancock is selling an abdomen injury. Oh wait, is this the beginning of that whole pregnancy storyline?

 

-Both girls end up in the mud. Miss Hancock holds her stomach. Major Guns scores a roll up in the mud to get the pinfall victory. Here comes David Flair and even Major Guns sell some concern. And this answers my question.

 

Sting vs The Demon

 

-Remember when The Demon was suppose to lead to a KISS stable? Did Eric Bischoff think it was the 1980s?

 

-Sting wins quickly with the Scorpion Death Drop. Muta and Vampiro try to hang Sting, but Kronic makes the save. They challenge Muta and Vampiro to a tag match later tonight.

 

United States/Canadian Championship: Lance Storm (c) vs Mike Awesome

 

-Lance Storm renamed the US Title the Canadian Title. And is a hero in Canada!

 

-Am I the only one who liked Mark Madden as a heel announcer? Maybe it is just because I miss the days of Jerry Lawler in the WWF.

 

-Lance Storm names Jacques Rougeau special referee to enforce the Canadian rules and then plays the Canadian National Anthem.

 

-Mike Awesome falls off the top rope and gets it from the fans.

 

-Awesome hits an Awesome Bomb and makes a three count, but Storm then gets his shoulder up. Rougeau says that according to Canadian Rules, you have to pin your opponent with a five count.

 

-Awesome applies a Dragon Sleeper. Storm taps. But the Canadian rules say you can’t win a Championship by submission. Pinfall only. *Cornette Face*

 

-This time, Awesome hits a splash off the top and gets a five count. But the Canadian rules say that Storm has until the count of ten to get up. Storm gets up at 8. *head bash into computer*

 

-Both men go through a table. This time, the rules say the first man to get up at 10 wins. Awesome gets up, Rougeau knocks him down and the ref doesn’t see it. Storm wins. Bret Hart comes out to celebrate with them.

 

World Tag Team Championship: Kronic (c) vs Vampiro and Great Muta

 

-I always liked Vampiro. Would have liked to see him get a run in the WWE.

 

-Tony Schiavone wonders where The Demon is and says he has been like a zombie since his and Vamprio’s graveyard match. Mark Madden says so has half of America. Or maybe all of WCW’s audience?

 

-Mickey Jay get the mist in the eyes. The Harris Brothers come through the crowd and take out Kronic. Muta and Vampiro win the Tag Titles.

 

Kevin Nash vs Scott Stenier vs Goldberg

 

-So WCW had 35 minutes left in this show for their two main event matches? That’s just bad.

 

-Goldberg’s music plays and he doesn’t come out. The announcers talked about a motorcycle accident earlier he suffered. Music plays again. Nothing. Hey, if I was Goldberg, I wouldn’t want to wrestle these two guys either.

 

-And here comes Goldberg with a chair, and he goes right after Kevin Nash.

 

-Nash goes for a powerbomb, but Goldberg shoves Nash away and walks out. Here comes Vince Russo! Russo tells Goldberg to get back in the ring but Goldberg refuses. IT’S A SHOOT BROTHER!!!

 

-The ref gets pushed down. Midajah comes in and gives Nash a low blow then an elbow to the junk. Why was the ref bump necessary if it’s a Triple Threat, No DQ match?

 

-Nash hits a DDT and the announcers say they are “working on the fly.” I TOLD YOU IT’S A SHOOT!

 

-Nash hits the powerbomb for the win. Earlier in the night doing an interview, Nash said he was going over Steiner. Looks like he was right! Nash is the #1 Contender at Fall Brawl.

 

WCW Championship: Booker T (c) vs Jeff Jarrett

 

-I wonder how much WCW paid Michael Buffer to stick around during the dying days of this company.

 

-Jarrett works over Booker T’s leg early with a chair. Was this No DQ and I missed it?

 

-Scott Hudson calls this a classic barely five minutes in. Easier there tiger. Were you drinking the Jeff Jarrett kool aid at the time too? I’ve never thought of Jarrett as a guy you build a company around like WCW, and later TNA, did. He’s a solid upper mid-card player to me.

 

-Booker T accidentally hits the ref. Jarrett uses the guitar on Booker’s leg and applies a Figure Four. Booker eventually gets to the ropes.

 

-On the outside, the ref helps Booker up. Jeff Jarrett goes to hit Booker with the belt but he ducks and the ref gets hit. Booker then hits the Book End through the table.

 

-Wait, tables and chairs are ok but there are still count outs? This f****** company.

 

-Jarrett accidentally hits the new ref with a chair, then hits The Stroke on the chair. A THIRD REF comes in to make the count.

 

-Booker finally wins with the Book End in another over-booked mess.

 

Outside of the opening match, there is nothing to write home about on this PPV. Vince Russo deserves all of the crap he gets from his booking of WCW during this time period. Instead of trying to match the WWE with “shoots” and over booking everything, he should have focused more on developing and pushing the young talent that he had in front of him. Sure the veterans he had to work with probably weren’t willing to do that. Then you phase them out slowly and have the young guys fight each other in the top matches. WCW shouldn’t have died the death it did. It might have ended up going under anyways because of the AOL-Time Warner merger. But the way it left the wrestling world was on the hands of Vince Russo and no one else.

 

Until Next Time,

 

Justin C

 

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka

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JC’s Top Rope Report: Flashback Thoughts: WCW Bash at the Beach 1996 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/07/27/jcs-top-rope-report-flashback-thoughts-wcw-bash-at-the-beach-1996/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/07/27/jcs-top-rope-report-flashback-thoughts-wcw-bash-at-the-beach-1996/#comments Sat, 27 Jul 2013 16:27:24 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=158394  

Bash at the Beach 1996

 

Hello everyone. I’m back with another look into wrestling PPVs past. This time, I take a look at the PPV that changed not only the course of WCW but wrestling history as we know it.

 

-Tony Schiavone, Dusty Rhodes and Bobby Heenan are on commentary. They are all speculating on who could be the third man.

 

Psychosis vs Rey Mysterio Jr.

 

-Lots of quick submission reversals early on.

 

-Psychosis hits two leg drops, one off the top rope. He was foreshadowing the night ahead!

 

-Rey springboards off the top rope and perfectly transitions into a hurricanrana for a two count.

 

-Psychosis drops Mysterio on the guard rail, then hits a seated senton on Mysterio off the top rope. Ouch.

 

-Rey starts his comeback with a spinning head scissors, followed by a dropkick on the apron and a hurricanrana off the apron on to the outside.

 

-After a moonsault to the outside, Rey goes for a springboard dropkick in the ring but Psychosis hits a powerbomb for two.

 

-Psychosis goes for a Razor’s Edge off the top rope, but Mysterio counters into a hurricanrana mid-air and picks up the win. Very good opener.

 

-Mean Gene interviews Konnan. He tells Ric Flair if any of his entourage gets involved in the match, he will take them out.

 

Silver Dollars in a Sack on a Pole Match: Big Bubba vs John Tenta

 

-No backstory from WCW as why this is a Silver Dollars in a Sack on a Pole Match. I don’t even know if I want to know.

 

-John Tenta looks to be on his last legs here.

 

-I love how Dusty Rhodes can’t say Bubba. He says “Bubbrrr.”

 

-Bubba ties one hand of Tenta in the ropes. He works him over with a belt and starts cutting Tenta’s hair. But Tenta low blows him and cuts himself out.

 

-The announcers say, “This is just two big men brawling, nothing pretty about it.” Amen.

 

-Jimmy Hart climbs the pole, but doesn’t realize Tenta took out Big Bubba. Tenta takes the sack from Bubba and takes him out, then pins Bubba for the win.

 

-Everyone is still worried about Eric Bischoff, who is missing. Macho Man, Lex Luger and Sting are interviewed backstage. They are all ready for the match tonight and don’t care who the third man is.

 

Taped Fist Match: Diamond Dallas Page vs Hacksaw Jim Duggan

 

-Early on, DDP tapes Hacksaw’s legs together around the post and works him over.

 

-Duggan has lost the tape on his wrist. And this somehow becomes a disadvantage for Duggan.

 

-DDP wins with a Diamond Cutter. Hacksaw, always the sore loser, cheap shots DDP after the match.

 

-Mean Gene interviews Kevin Sullivan, The Giant and Jimmy Hart. Sullivan says he isn’t the weak link of the Dungeon of Doom. So Kevin Sullivan=Daniel Bryan?

 

-Mean Gene interviews Arn Anderson and Chris Benoit about the match.

 

Four Man Dog Collar Match: Public Enemy vs The Nasty Boys

 

-Is this a gimmick PPV?

 

-Everything quickly escalates into a brawl on the outside.

 

-Knobbs beats Johnny Grunge with a rubber shark.

 

-They brawl towards the set and use surfboards, lifeguard decks and chairs as weapons.

 

-Rocco Rock goes to the top, but Sags pulls the chain. Rock bounces right off the table, which doesn’t break.

 

-The Nasty Boys win after an ugly match. Public Enemy attacks them after the match.

 

-Backstage, Mean Gene is outside the Outsiders locker room, which is flanked by security.

 

WCW Cruiserweight Championship: Dean Malenko (c) vs Disco Inferno

 

-It is all Malenko early, who hits a devastating spike suplex.

 

-About six minutes in Inferno finally gets some offense in.

 

-The crowd is getting behind Disco Inferno. I thought he was a heel? Or are they both heels?

 

-Malenko wins with the Texas Clover Leaf. Match picked up in the final few minutes.

Joe Gomez vs Steve McMichael (w/Debra)

 

-Never mind that shit, here comes Mongo! I’m smelling a five star classic here.

 

-Mongo sells a jawbreaker like he’s been shot.

 

-Gomez hits three REALLY ugly jumping chops to the back of the head.

 

-Mongo wins after a Tombstone Piledriver. If the Undertaker saw that at the time, he probably threw the urn at his TV screen.

 

-Mean Gene interviews Ric Flair along with Elizabeth and Woman. Who would have thought, with his lifestyle, that Flair would out-live these two women?

 

WCW United States Championship: Konnan (c) vs Ric Flair (w/Elizabeth and Woman)

 

-It’s two minutes into this match and I already can’t stand Woman’s yelling at ringside.

 

-Konnan lands some chops and the crowd doesn’t care. Flair lands one and we get a big “WOOO!”

 

-Konnan hits a dive off the apron, knocking down Elizabeth. He goes to the top, but Woman shakes the bottom rope, which somehow causes him to lose his balance on the TOP rope and fall off.

 

-Flair pokes Konnan in the eye, then distracts the ref. This allows Woman to come in the ring and kick Konnan in the groin. Elizabeth then distracts the ref. Flair tosses Konnan to the outside and scratches his eyes.

 

-Konnan applies a Figure Four that would rival Miz’s bad looking Figure Four. Flair gets to the ropes.

 

-Elizabeth distracts the ref and Woman is on the apron for what seems like forever. Woman finally hits Konnan with the heel of her shoe. Flair pins Konnan and wins the U.S. Title.

 

-Mean Gene is eavesdropping on the Outsiders locker room. He said a third man walked in, and he could hear the man’s voice but it sounds muffled. It does sound like someone he knows, however.

 

Chris Benoit and Arn Anderson vs The Giant and Kevin Sullivan (w/Jimmy Hart)

 

-If the Horsemen win, any member of the group gets a shot at the Giant’s World Title on Nitro.

 

-The Giant and Kevin Sullivan attack Benoit and Anderson coming to the ring. Steve McMichael hits the Giant with his briefcase and the Giant chases him to the back.

 

-Benoit and Anderson isolate Sullivan early, keeping him away from the Giant.

 

-Anderson and Benoit go for a spike piledriver. But Sullivan reverses Anderson into a catapult, but they screw it up. Anderson still goes into Benoit. Sullivan makes the tag to The Giant.

 

-Sullivan and Benoit brawl towards the broadcast booth. In the ring, The Giant chokeslams Anderson and picks up the win.

 

-Benoit continues to attack Sullivan after the match. Woman comes out and asks him to stop and says he is going to hurt him. The Giant comes back out and scares them off.

 

The Outsiders (Scott Hall and Kevin Nash) vs Randy Savage, Sting and Lex Luger

 

-Mean Gene comes to the ring and asks where the third man is. The Outsiders say he is here and ready.

 

-Nash holds down Luger’s head on the turnbuckle. Sting breaks it with a Stinger Splash. Luger gets knocked out cold and lays on the outside. Luger gets taken away on a stretcher. When I watched this as a kid, I thought Luger was going to come back and be the third man.

 

-Everybody is doing a great job to give this a big fight feel. Michael Buffer, the announcers, the wrestlers, even the crowd.

 

-The Outsiders have been dominating the match since Luger’s injury.

 

-Sting starts a comeback and makes the hot tag to Randy Savage who goes nuts on the Outsiders as the crowd goes crazy.

 

-After a Nash low blow on Savage, everyone is down. Here comes HULK HOGAN!!! The Outsiders bail as Bobby Heenan wonders what side he is on. Hogan pushes the ref away and leg drops Randy Savage. They take out Sting and do a mock pin on Savage.

 

-Mean Gene comes out to interview Hogan. He says they are the New World Order of wrestling. He said that he made that organization up North a monster and become bigger than the organization itself.

 

-Hogan says they will destroy everything in their path. Hogan says all the crap represents the fans. He told the fans to stick it because of the reception he’s gotten from the last two years.

 

-The show ends with Tony Schiavone telling Hogan to go to hell as the crowd continues to throw trash in the ring. A small but vocal Hogan chant also breaks out at the end.

 

-From a wrestling standpoint, there wasn’t a lot to like on this show. The opener was great, as was the end of Malenko/Inferno. Ric Flair and Konnan had too much shenanigans going on the outside.

 

-From a storyline perspective, this is obviously one of the best ever. The nWo would go on to dominate WCW and help them win the ratings battle over the WWE. I’ve always maintained that if it wasn’t for Hogan joining the nWo, WCW would never have become the force it was. This was the one time Hogan’s backstage politics absolutely paid off. The rumors were that Sting was going to be the third man, but because the Outsiders angle was so hot, Hogan decided he wanted to be the third guy. Sting wouldn’t have had as big of an impact as Hogan did. Sting was a house hold name, but he didn’t have the global recognition that Hogan did. It was a bold move for WCW to make, but it was one that was needed to shake up the wrestling business. Many fans of WCW saw through Hogan’s politics and didn’t welcome him with open arms as WCW officials thought they would. It was a great move by WCW. Big angles like this get people talking. These are the risks WWE today doesn’t like to take.

 

This event triggered a whole lot in the world of pro wrestling. If this doesn’t happen, WCW doesn’t take over as the #1 Wrestling Company in the World. The WWE doesn’t respond with the Attitude Era. And maybe WCW doesn’t hand out a lot of bad contracts and they stay in business for a little while longer. I know some of this stuff may have happened, but it wouldn’t have had as big of an impact without this. Hogan joining the nWo kick started a great era in pro wrestling,one fans long for to this day. This is often considered one of the most shocking and greatest moments in wrestling history, and it is hard to argue that.

 

Until Next Time,

 

Justin C

 

Follow Me On Twitter @JCWonka

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A2Z Analysiz: TNA Destination X 2008 (Christian Cage, Samoa Joe, Kevin Nash) http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/07/14/a2z-analysiz-tna-destination-x-2008-christian-cage-samoa-joe-kevin-nash/ http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/2013/07/14/a2z-analysiz-tna-destination-x-2008-christian-cage-samoa-joe-kevin-nash/#comments Sun, 14 Jul 2013 16:00:07 +0000 http://wrestling.insidepulse.com/?p=157936 destination x 2008

For an easy-to-search archive of all my TNA DVD reviews, visit Total Nonstop Ziegler!

Scope Arena – Norfolk, Virginia – March 9, 2008

Intro

“Sure I am that this day we are masters of our fate. That the task which has been set before us is not above our strengths. That its pangs and toils are not beyond our endurance. As long as we have faith in our cause and an unconquerable will to win, victory will not be denied us.” – Sir Winston Churchill

When the Angle Alliance arrived at the building, there was tension between all three members, who are faced with Samoa Joe, Christian Cage, and Kevin Nash in tonight’s main event.

Mike Tenay and Don West are on commentary.

MATCH #1: Latin American Xchange vs. The Motor City Machine Guns vs. The Rock ‘n Rave Infection

The winners become the Number One Contenders. Homicide and Hernandez are accompanied by Salinas. Lance Hoyt and Jimmy Rave have Christy Hemme in their corner. Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin only have the power of their own awesomeness. Homicide and Sabin start the match with some fast-paced back and forth. The Machine Guns take first control and wear Homicide down. Hoyt and Hernandez get tagged in, and they represent the power in the match. LAX and the Guns work together on the RnR, much to the crowd’s delight. The referee loses control and bodies are flying all over the place. We settle back in the ring with the Guns working on Rave. Hoyt interferes to help Rave out, but Homicide tags himself in so Rave can’t follow up. LAX focuses on Shelley and keeps him away from Sabin. Hoyt decides it’s their turn and he pitches Homicide to the floor. He works on Shelley for a bit and then goes up for the moonsault but he misses. Rave tags in but Shelley is able to hit him with a Codebreaker and he makes the hot tag to Hernandez actually. Super Mex is a house afire, throwing the RnR around the ring. The referee loses control again and movez are coming from every direction. Homicide wipes out the Guns and Hoyt with the Tope Con Hilo. Hernandez hits Rave with the Border Toss to get the win at 10:27. That was a great choice for an opener, with a lot of fun action from all three teams. Everything looked good and the crowd was hot for them.
Rating: ***¼

MATCH #2: TNA X Division Championship Match – Jay Lethal vs. Petey Williams

Lethal has been the Champion since 2.10.08, and this is his first defense. Williams has Rhaka Khan in his corner. They start with some chain wrestling and take it to the mat. Lethal takes the first control and uses his agility to keep Williams off guard. He sends the challenger to the floor and follows him out with a double ax handle off the top rope. Khan distracts Lethal on his way back into the ring, allowing Williams to take control. Williams knocks Lethal to the floor and hits the slingshot hurricanrana. Back in the ring Lethal fights back with a flurry of offense, including the hiptoss/dropkick combo. Lethal hits a pancake slam for two. Williams fights back and hits the Canadian Legsweep. He signals for the Canadian Destroyer but Lethal successfully avoids it. Lethal tries a rana but Williams powerbombs him. Williams tries the Destroyer again but Lethal counters to the release Dragon Suplex for two. Lethal misses a springboard dropkick. A series of reversals ends with Williams locking on the Sharpshooter. Williams tries to roll that into the Canadian Destroyer but Lethal slips out and hits the Lethal Combination. Lethal goes up top and Khan distracts the referee, allowing Scott Steiner to run out and shove Lethal down. Williams hits the Canadian Destroyer this time but SoCal Val pulls the referee’s leg to stop the count! Khan goes after Val and Sonjay Dutt has to come out and save her. Williams turns his attention back to Lethal, but by then the Champ has recovered and he traps Williams in a small package for the pin at 11:39. That was a solid bout from two good X Division guys. The interference and over-booking actually made sense here, and five years later I still remember why everyone acted the way they did.
Rating: ***

MATCH #3: Eric Young & Kaz vs. Rellik & Black Reign

Kaz and Rellik start the match. Rellik uses his power and Kaz counters with his speed. Reign tags in and Kaz neutralizes the arm. Kaz convinces Young to tag in. Despite his fear, Young is able to get some offense in before tagging out. Kaz continues the advantage but Young is still scared, so Reign and Rellik are able to double-team Kaz to take control. This goes on for a little bit and when Kaz is able to make a tag, Young is still to afraid of Rellik so he takes off up the ramp. Finally the hot tag is made and Young gets in the ring with Rellik. Young fires up and Rellik sits up so Young takes off and runs to the back, tagging Kaz on his way out. Rellik brings Kaz back in the ring the hard way. He and Reign double-team Kaz, who continues to fight. Then from out of nowhere some superhero music plays and Eric Young comes back out wearing a cape and a mask. Super Eric starts flying around the ring and showing no fear. Eric hits a double Death Valley Driver and pins Reign at 10:03. You know what would make more sense than what they did here? If Eric Young simply overcame his fear and became a real man, rather than putting on a stupid mask and cape like a child. This match was stupid, Super Eric was stupider.
Rating: *

MATCH #4: TNA Women’s Knockout Championship Match – Awesome Kong vs. Gail Kim vs. ODB

Kong has been the Champion since 1.10.08, and this is her second defense. She has Raisha Saeed in her corner. The challengers double-team the dominant Champion right away and they are able to send her to the floor. ODB and Kim go at it now. Kim gets the advantage and goes to the top rope, but she spots Kong on the floor so she leaps onto her instead! Kong catches Kim, and ODB jumps off the apron to wipe both of them out! Back in the ring ODB covers for one. ODB continues to work Kim over using her unorthodox offense. She gloats too much and Kim recovers long enough to hit a Spear. Kim sends ODB to the floor and by now Kong is back in the ring. Kong uses her power and Kim counters with speed. Kim hits a Codebreaker but then runs right into a clothesline. Then Kong throws Kim shoulder-first into the ring post. ODB gets back in the ring and targets the Champ’s legs. Kong fights her off but Kim gets back in the fray and the challengers double-team Kong again. ODB drinks from the flask and Kim takes some liquid courage too. They hit simultaneous missile dropkicks off the second rope. Both go for covers and they get broken up of course. Now it’s every woman for herself. They work in some pretty creative three-way spots in the process. Kong slams Kim down on her face and then lands a splash off the second rope! ODB makes the save or it would have been over for sure. A furious Kong grabs ODB and hits the Implant Buster. Kong then goes back to the second rope for another splash but ODB moves out of the way! ODB unleashes a flurry of offense, including a Thesz Press off the second rope for a near-fall. She bounces off the ropes and Saeed trips her. Kong hits the Awesome Bomb to get the pin at 11:33. I don’t see why Kong needed help on the finish, but outside of that this was one of the best Knockout matches I’ve seen in TNA. They did awesome spots and kept up a breakneck pace for over 10 minutes. Kim and ODB working together made perfect sense and they fought each other at the right times too. This was a major surprise.
Rating: ***½

MATCH #5: Fish Market Street Fight – Shark Boy & Curry Man vs. Team 3D

Team 3D is accompanied by Johnny Devine. This was part of a ridiculous storyline in which Ray and Devon had to “make weight” or be fired from TNA. They make the weight and then celebrate with food, so Boy and Man take advantage of them and send them reeling to the floor. Team 3D tries to walk to the back but Man and Boy stop them. The masked guys actually use dead frozen fish as a weapon. Only in TNA folks. Man dangles a Ding Dong on the end of a fishing line, and Ray goes after it and gets caught on the hook. Seriously. Finally after several minutes of abuse Team 3D is able to go on offense. Ray and Devon take Boy out and go to work on Man. After a while Boy makes it back in the ring and is fired up, but he gets cut right off. Devon hits Man with the Saving Grace. Team 3D goes for the What’s Up, but Boy breaks it up and then he and Man hit their own version of the move (with a fish) on Ray. Man hits Devon with a cross body block off the top rope for two. Boy hits Ray with a neckbreaker for a two-count. Man and Boy hit simultaneous X-Factors but neither can get a pin. They hit simultaneous tornado DDTs but still can’t score a three-count. Team 3D fights back and sends Man to the floor. They hit Boy with a Doomsday Device for two. Ray brings a trash can in the ring and Man takes it away from him. Man cracks the can on Ray’s head repeatedly. Devine tries to get in the ring and throw powder, but he hits Ray instead. Boy and Man send Devine to the floor through a table. A blinded Ray gets tricked into hitting the 3D on his own partner and Boy gets the pin at 13:16. This was just a mess, with a stupid storyline to begin with and an awful brawl with lame spots and a dumb finish. I didn’t like anything about this.
Rating: DUD

MATCH #6: Stand By Your Man Strap Match – Booker T w/ Traci Brooks vs. Robert Roode w/ Payton Banks

Winner will be by pinfall or submission, and the winning man’s lady gets to whip the other lady. Roode stalls for a bit to start and then Booker takes it to him. Booker dominates in the opening minutes until Roode rakes the eyes. Roode wears Booker down now, and cuts him off at his first comeback attempt. Booker fights back again after hardly being in any danger. He hits a suplex for two. Roode tries to fight back but runs right into a spinebuster. Booker goes for the Axe Kick but Roode avoids it and hits a DDT for two. The referee gets bumped and both men clothesline each other. The women get into a cat fight on the floor and Traci takes a pair of handcuffs from Banks. Traci tries to give them to Booker but Roode intercepts them. Roode then hits Booker with the handcuffs to get the pin at 7:57. Well that’s what you get Traci, Booker didn’t need your help. That match never got out of the blocks and Booker was never in any sort of danger until the finish.
Rating: *½

After the match security escorts Booker to the back and Banks delivers the contractually obligated lashings. Roode talks trash while Traci gets whipped. Banks tries to take more shots than she’s allowed and Traci fights back. Roode comes in and shoves Traci down, and then takes a shot with the strap himself! From out of nowhere, Booker T’s wife Sharmell runs out and whips both Roode and Banks with a strap, sending them running. Security and referees try to contain her but they all get whipped too. Jim Cornette tries to reason with her, so he gets whipped too.

MATCH #7: Elevation X Match – Rhino vs. James Storm

Storm has gloves and a rope with him, as well as Jacqueline. As soon as Rhino gets to the top, Storm climbs down and stalls. Rhino throws beer at him. He climbs down and they brawl around ringside now. Rhino brings a bunch of weapons into the ring and the fight continues in there. A table gets set up and ominously looms in the middle of the ring. Rhino sets up for a Gore but Jacqueline interferes to beak it up. Jacqueline climbs up to the top to avoid Rhino, distracting him all the way. That gives Storm the chance to climb up as well. They brawl back and forth, carefully, so as not to fall off. Storm does the same thing AJ Styles did last year, hiding in the structure. Eventually Rhino finds him and exposes his hiding place. Rhino kicks Storm down and he crashes through the table, giving Rhino the win at 13:17. At least they paid off the table being set up, and upped the ante on last year without being too dangerous. But scaffold matches by their nature are extremely boring and generally feature just one bump that’s not really worth sitting through the whole match for. I give the guys points for doing it, but it’s just not particularly compelling.
Rating: **

MATCH #8: Samoa Joe, Christian Cage & Kevin Nash vs. The Angle Alliance (Kurt Angle, AJ Styles & Tomko)

The Angle Alliance is at a three-on-two disadvantage for the first five minutes because Cage beat Angle in a Six Sides of Steel match on iMPACT. Styles and Tomko are the current TNA World Tag Team Champions, and Angle is the current TNA World Champion. The Champs try to stall but Joe and Nash don’t allow it. Styles gets thrown into the ring to battle Cage, and they go back and forth. Tomko tags in and uses his power while Cage uses his speed. Cage forces Tomko back into his corner and levels an interfering Styles with a huge Spear. Joe tags in and shows Tomko why he’s the Number One Contender. Nash comes in and takes his shots as well. Styles is able to tag in and he hits Cage with Spiral Tap. Nash, Tomko, and Joe come in and brawl as the clock winds down to Angle coming out. Joe goes to the ramp and awaits the Champ’s arrival. Angle charges down and he and Joe take it right to each other. Joe decides to take Tomko out with a dive. Cage hits a Frog Splash on Angle for two, but then gets suplexed to the floor. That gives the Angle Alliance a chance to control Cage and keep him in their half of the ring. Eventually Cage makes the tag to Nash, and he’s as much a house afire as he can be. Nash hits Angle with the Jackknife Powerbomb, and then Styles takes Nash out with a dropkick to the knee. Joe and Tomko get tags and Joe is all over everyone. The referee loses control and Joe gets assaulted in a three-on-one attack. Cage and Nash come to the rescue and leave Joe and Tomko alone in the ring. Joe locks Tomko in the clutch to get the tap out win at 12:29. That seemed a bit on the short side for a main event, but they packed a ton of action in there, and I so miss seeing Samoa Joe when he cared. They used the first five minutes of the match effectively and made for a good but not amazing main event.
Rating: ***½

BONUS MATCH: Christian Cage & Kevin Nash vs. AJ Styles & Tomko, iMPACT, 3.13.08

Styles and Tomko are the TNA World Tag Team Champions, but the titles are not on the line here. Cage and Nash attack before the Champs can even enter the ring. They make it to the ring and Cage has Styles completely under control. Styles catches Cage with a punch to the gut and makes the tag. Tomko hits a big powerslam and a knee drop for two. The champs try to keep Cage isolated in their half of the hexagon. As soon as Cage makes a comeback, TNA World Champion Kurt Angle makes his way out and we go to commercial. During the break Angle interfered and was sent to the back by security. Angle’s interference did ensure that his men would be in control. Eventually Cage hits Tomko with a tornado DDT and he makes the tag. Nash unloads on both Champions, hitting Styles with a side suplex for two. Cage pulls the top rope down to send Tomko crashing to the floor. Nash hits Styles with the Jackknife Powerbomb and Cage hits a Frog Splash. Tomko pulls the referee out before he can count three. Team 3D runs in from out of nowhere to draw the DQ at 5:57 (shown). That was decent for a TV main event, as it furthered a PPV angle. On its own, with that finish, it was not amazing.
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