Inside Pulse Wrestling » Smackdown Wrestling news, rumors, reviews and commentary, from WWE to TNA to ROH and everything in between... Mon, 18 Aug 2014 02:58:39 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Wrestling news, rumors, reviews and commentary, from WWE to TNA to ROH and everything in between... Inside Pulse Wrestling no Wrestling news, rumors, reviews and commentary, from WWE to TNA to ROH and everything in between... Inside Pulse Wrestling » Smackdown Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for August 15th 2014: Wait, SummerSlam’s This Sunday? Fri, 15 Aug 2014 22:22:18 +0000 Well buonasera, folks. Yep, it’s me: your dear SmackDown reviewer, back in really grey-looking England after a lovely week of tanning, eating better Italian food than I can cook, and getting mistaken for a local lad. Big thank-you to the immensely talented RHETT DAVIS for writing last week’s review; I am extremely grateful for his time and wonderful writing.

Oh joy, it’s the Miz, and we’re still pretending that he has literally anything to do with Hollywood. Oh Christ, we’re doing Miz TV? Hadn’t we just brought back the Highlight Reel? What’s next: Peep ShowCarlito’s Cabana? Miz talks for a while, which is endlessly better than Miz wrestling, but still not great. He says he wants to mentor young talent, and introduces Roman Reigns. I’m actually surprised that Reigns showed up for this, especially as he probably doesn’t know who the Miz is.

Both men sit down in the chairs, meaning that this has stayed a talk show for way longer than any other WWE talk show segment in recent memory. We’re reminded that Miz’s Mom wants herself speared by a studly Samoan (the fanfic’s probably been written), and Miz asks Roman if he’s nervous, because if he loses he’ll forever be known as a guy who couldn’t get it done. Yeah, because we remember things in wrestling. Miz won’t let Roman talk, so Roman just decks him. Shit, that was actually an almost-watchable Miz segment. …I feel dirty.

Roman says that Orton’s known as the Viper, and he’s won a tonne of championships, which Roman respects. He says Orton will have to respect him when he wins at SummerSlam. They replay the punch a bunch of times, which I recommend watching.

He’s A Lumberjack And He’s Okay; He Sleeps All Night And He Swings All Day

Well, here’s Dean Ambrose, still eschewing the purchase of any actual ring attire. Clearly didn’t train at the same place I did, where they frowned on that kind of responsible financial behaviour. We look back at Seth Rollins getting jumped by Ambrose out of a present, like something out of How the Grinch Stole Christmas II: Surprise, Motherfucker. And his opponent is Cesaro; he’s apparently a lumberjack this Sunday which, Monty Python informs me, makes him a transvestite.

Headlock by Cesaro, and he knocks Ambrose down off the ropes, only for Dean to hit a knee and start throwing hands. Cesaro comes back with some hands and uppercuts, and is it just me or does this crowd sound like the arena FX from the video games? Stomps to Ambrose as JBL claims that all homeless people lick windows (they totes do). Ambrose comes back now, hitting a cross-body which Cesaro nearly turns into a bodyslam, only for Dean to slip out of and clothesline Cesaro out of the ring. Vaulting body press takes Cesaro down on the outside, and then it’s back in the ring for more frolicsome fists, but then Cesaro realises, ‘wait, that guy’s shoulder’s injured’. Dean’s thrown into the ring post, suplexed onto the outside and we go to break.

Back to the action, Cesaro’s firmly in control, hitting an uppercut to Dean in the corner. Ambrose fucking launches Cesaro over the top rope, and then missiles himself right out after him. Dean climbs up to the top rope, but Cesaro catches him with a fist. JBL implies that Triple H is Michael Cole’s sugar daddy and I had actually forgotten what this show was like. Ambrose bites Cesaro’s Swiss schnozz, then tornado DDT’s him hard enough that this future lumberjack will have the same cognitive ability as an actual lumberjack. Kickout at two, although I’m willing to believe that was due to air escaping Cesaro’s corpse. Double-underhook hold by Ambrose now, and Cesaro breaks out, hits a big boot, ducks Ambrose’s clothesline and hits one of his own. Ambrose kicks out at two; Cesaro holds up four fingers, which totally proves my lumberjack-related point. Ambrose tries a tornado DDT; Cesaro hits a beautiful counter into an uppercut. Michael tells JBL off for not being unbiased and REALLY, MICHAEL? Small package nearly gets the win, inverted Death Valley Driver from Cesaro gets two and Ambrose comes back with a big clothesline. Lunatic Fringe countered and Dirty Deeds comes out of nowhere.

Very good match; I was impressed with some of the counters shown. Wish I knew what the hell was going on with Cesaro, but this was great. 3 Stars.

Seth Rollins comes out, and I am so unfamiliar with these new entrance themes I honestly couldn’t tell for a moment. Seth says that this Sunday, they go one-on-one (to the power of lumberjack recurring). Rollins explains the rules of a Lumberjack Match, but at least he didn’t say $9.99. He says he’s the future, and that he’s better than bipolar cat-people with rabies (or something).

After the break, Miz is walking backstage with an ice-pack, which is some commendable continuity. Kane is apparently now wearing a suit again, or whatever. Miz grouses for a while, and demands that Roman be banned from Miz TV. But Kane makes a match for Miz vs Reigns. So…is he a good guy? Or a bad guy, because he just made a Miz match?

I Keep Forgetting Two Of These People Are Employed

It’s Heath Slater and Titus O’Neil, and Oh God why. Apparently they made Hogan’s birthday more ridiculous than it already was. Titus is facing Ziggler, who still appears to be the Most Distracted Man in Wrestling. Titus takes Ziggler down early, but gets low-bridged. Ziggler keeps ducking in and out of the ring, then dropkicks Titus, only to get powered into the corner and gets his head rocked off the canvas. Big-time backbreaker to Ziggler for a two. Clothesline to Dolph in the corner, but he runs into a pair of boots. Clothesline and a dropkick to Titus, then a stinger splash in the corner, but Titus hits a big boot for two. Another backbreaker attempt, but Dolph slips out for a Zig-Zag out of nowhere for the win.

This was okay; not like there was much doubt in the result, or at least you’d hope not. 2 Stars.

Hah, You Thought The Wyatts Were Going To Stay Relevant

Well, here’s Mark Henry, and I keep forgetting that he’s employed as well. I hope that this is going to be Luke Harper running through this guy, because otherwise I think we need to send Del Rio to WWE Headquarters for some more slap action. Lillian Garcia looks happy to see Henry, and she is the only, only one. And we get that odd, odd Wyatt Family music again, heralding the arrival of Crazy-Eyes Harper.

They tie up, and neither of them get the better of the exchange. They try it again, and we end up with Henry in the corner. Uppercuts to Henry, then a headlock, but Henry just pushes the scruffy bastard out of the ring. More blows to Henry when Harper comes back, but here’s Henry coming back, running into a knee from Harper, who levels him with a big boot. Stomps to Mark, keeping him on the ground. Big Show starts a ‘Henry’ chant, and don’t you even think about it, Show. Doesn’t seem to be helping, as Harper locks in a sleeper. Henry starts elbowing out, and hits a clothesline. World’s Strongest Slam attempt, and Rowan floors Henry with a big boot for the DQ.

Back from the break, apparently this is now a tag-team match, fuelling the conspiracy theory that they never fired Teddy Long. Big Show is dominating Harper, and hits a big chop to the chest, and another. Harper fights back with an uppercut, but runs into a chokeslam, escaping with a thrust to the throat. Big Show runs right over Harper in the corner and off the ropes. Show calls for the chokeslam and Harper skedaddles; Big Show pursues and Rowan flattens him with a clothesline. The ref yells at Rowan, and he seems dissonantly furious with the big man. Is this about something else? Does Erick Rowan represent the referee’s bearded, abusive mother? Harper bundles Show back into the ring, staying on him before tagging in Rowan. Erick chokes Big Show on the ropes, eliciting more psychological uncertainty in our poor referee. Harper slings Rowan into Big Show and then hits a superkick for the near-fall.

Sleeper hold applied to Big Show, who’s woozy as hell, but recovers, hitting a back suplex to Harper and tagging in Henry; Rowan comes in and gets knocked all around the ring. World’s Strongest Slam set up; Big Show knocks Harper out of the ring and clobbers Rowan before Henry Slams him.

Well, I’m not thrilled about the result, but the Wyatts looked impressive here: practically gutsy during some moments. And if Henry and Big Show have a title shot, I feel like the Usos might be able to make it almost watchable. 2.5 Stars.

More advertising for this throw-down between Brie and Steph that I couldn’t honestly care less about; that’s probably the most accurate way to describe that segment. We get the ‘We’re Not Wearing Pants’ interview with Steph and Cole. Stephanie calls Cole a reporter, which is a heel move and slander. I find it hilarious that people are making a big deal about Steph being out of action for ten years, and not about her being pretty bad at wrestling ten years ago.

AJ, You Saw This On TV This Monday

Hey, a participant in a Divas match at SummerSlam which I have actual expectations of: AJ Lee. She’s facing Eva Marie, whose in-ring abilities are evocative of the Stephanie McMahon of ten years ago. AJ goes after Eva, who ducks out of the ring. She tries to grab that red hair, but gets her feet swept out and dropped back-first onto the apron. Back in the ring, AJ regains control, slamming Eva Marie off the mat and hits a clothesline and a neckbreaker. Big kick to the face, but then Paige’s music starts. She skips out, and AJ flings herself at her, beating the hell out of her. We get the Ziggler/Slater ending from RAW, and then AJ gets kicked in the face by Paige. Wow, she really did use to date Dolph.

This really didn’t get started, and yet there was still somehow too much. 1.5 Stars.

Paige hits the Paige-Turner and then yells ‘I love you!’ at AJ. So, this is a lesbian domestic abuse angle?

I Now Would Like To See Bo vs. Rusev. Seriously.

Here’s our Real American, and is that guy in the crowd seriously holding his hand over his heart? I remember being excited for this Swagger/Rusev thing, and maybe I still would be enjoying it if the whole jingoism thing hadn’t raised its ugly head and some of these audiences really make me worry about what the definition of ‘patriotism’ is in the USA. And here’s Bo Dallas, who I sort of love for reasons I can’t quite define. Swagger slaps on a headlock, then hits a shoulder block. Bo hits knees and punches to Jack’s taped ribs, keeping him down. Swagger, however, manages to get the Patriot Lock, and Bo instantly taps.

Fair enough; I was expecting an actual match, but this was barely adequate too. 1.5 Stars.

Swagger claims the ring for America again, which seems unnecessary because WWE is an American company, and that’s their ring. Lana shows up with Rusev, and Jack is actually chanting ‘USA’ out of time with the crowd. Lana tries to make it seem like a flag match is of global importance rather than just a ladder match’s retarded cousin.

During the break, Bo Dallas gamely tries to lie about tapping out. This. This is what I enjoy about Bo.

Well, Miz Once Beat Orton For The Title…

Here comes Roman Reigns, ready to re-enact some of the more gang-rape-esque scenes from The Shawshank Redemption with Miz playing the part of Andy Dufresne. This does make it seem like Roman passes the time whilst waiting for a fight by finding other fights, which probably hints at a social or psychological disorder. But at least he’s not Sheamus.

Roman backs Miz into the corner and threatens to punch him again; Miz cowers. Wow, this is like watching a kid get bullied and wanting it to happen. Miz gets a headlock, but is then backed into a corner, shoving Roman away and then running. As a formerly bullied kid, I’m pretty sure I was less irritating about it than Miz, honestly. Miz comes back and wrenches Reigns’ arm, then catches him with a kick and then slaps him in the face. Roman gets a look in his eye like he’s going to tear off Miz’s face and wear it to fight Orton on Sunday, so Miz runs again, tries to stomp Reigns once back in the ring, but Roman hauls him out of the ring and hurls Miz into the barricade.

Back in the ring, Miz hangs Roman up on the ropes, then heads up to the top rope…jumping right into a fist to the stomach. Miz actually gets in some offence, working the legs as if there is even a future in including strategy against Reigns. He keeps Roman down, and actually manages to apply the Figure-Four. Jesus, I did not anticipate this. Reigns pulls the legs apart to show what he thinks of Miz’s bullshit attempts at actually wrestling, and a second attempt sends Miz shoulder-first into the turnbuckle. Miz eats a Samoan drop on the way out, then a flying clothesline, then another clothesline in the corner, and an uppercut, then Reigns’ apron dropkick. Roman winds up for the Superman Punch, and Miz bails. Ziggler blocks his entrance on the ramp, distracting Miz long enough that he eats a Superman Punch on the outside. Roman hurls him back into the ring, and then ends it with the spear.

That was actually done entirely right; Roman was always a second away from completely destroying Miz, which is good and honest and fair. Miz’s selling of the Superman Punch was really rather good. 2.5 Stars.

Weirdly, this was a good SmackDown, unless it was the last show before a PPV. Which…embarrassingly…it was. In no way did it feel like SummerSlam was this Sunday, and for that I can only go so high as a seven.

David Spain’s WWE Sex Move of the Week: The ‘Wade Barrett’. Receive climax from partner. Promise to absolutely blow their minds in return before triumphantly roaring, ‘but I’m afraid I’ve got some BAD NEWS!!’

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WWE Friday Night Smackdown Taping Results For August 15, 2014 (Spoilers) Wed, 13 Aug 2014 16:07:08 +0000 (Ed. Note: These are in progress raw notes and results from Bryan Alvarez who is live at the show in Seattle right now.)


Adam Rose def. Xavier Woods
Rose sells, makes comeback, wins, went longer than it had to.

Miz TV segment

Miz wants to mentor Roman, won’t let him talk, rambles on
Roman finally punches in face; that was great…place went nuts.
Vows to beat Orton; good limited usage of Roman
Punch replay…he clobbered him
Ambrose vs. Cesaro

Dude still watching boating videos
Very good PPV quality match, lots of ‘This is awesome’ chants
Cesaro took most of the match; Dean hits his finish outta nowhere for pin
Seth Rollins on ramp after, says we will find out Sunday who is the better man
Says Seth was never his friend or his brother and he never gave a damn about him
- Miz wants Roman banned from Miz TV, Kane has another solution: Roman vs Miz tonight

Dolph Ziggler vs. Titus O’Neil
Titus is huge, but moves like his back hurts
Dolph wins w zig zag
Heath Slater is mad at Titus, nothing happens. Some Slater chants.
Luke Harper vs. Mark Henry
Cell phone lights in dark look cool
Quick match; Henry goes for slam but Rowan boots him for DQ
Looks like tag program w Henry and Show
Spoke too soon, Kane out and makes tag match
“That’s what’s best for business”

Henry and Show v Wyatts
Heat on Show, biggest guy in the ring
Production guy now on Facebook, while nother is playing Tetris
Henry hot tag. Babyfaces win clean. Wow.
Their finish is Henry lifts the guy up and Show gives them the KO punch before World’s Strongest Slam.

- Steph sit-down with Cole, she’s the best.

AJ v Eva Marie: The Rematch!
CM Punk chants
AJ tears extension out, oops
Paige out skipping, AJ tackles her, AJ counted out
Eva wins again!
Come on, you gotta add her to the title match now
Paige with Paige Turner to AJ; the streak of that move looking terrible continues

Bo Dallas vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger with ankle lock win in one minute
Bo taps
Rusev and Lana out, they let her talk this time
He will dedicate his flag match win to Putin
- Off TV, Bo explains why he lost, but he forgives this terrible ref. No shame in losing to Swagger, but he BOLIEVES Rusev will crush Swagger.

Roman Reigns vs. The Miz

Roman LOLing about punching Miz in face
Match was ok.
Reigns goes for superman punch, Miz bails, Ziggler stops him in aisle
Roman with punch, then spear in ring for pin
Bad night for Miz’s moneymaker
Kane sends out Seth Rolliins and Wyatts to kill Roman. Dean Ambrose and Sheamus run down to help. Giant brawl, Kane joins in. Sheamus boots both Wyatts, Roman punches Kane and Bray, then spears Kane again. Babyfaces pose and everyone cheers.×250.jpg×120.jpg

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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for August 8th 2014: The Seth Rollins Edition Sat, 09 Aug 2014 02:18:04 +0000 Whoa!  Who the heck is this Rhett guy?  Didn’t he use to work here as a columnist?  Doesn’t he do the Roundtables and PPV Live Coverage (most of the time)?  What is he doing on a report called ‘Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report?’  Well, this week I will be filling in for the exquisite writer David Spain.  Now let’s see… Rey Mysterio and The Undertaker are the top dogs on this show right?

We open the show with the basic although-not-sure-if-I-like-it theme song of Dean Ambrose.  He comes out to the ring and JBL complains about Dean filling his hat with popcorn and soda while we get a Raw recap of it.  How about Heath Slater winning on Raw?! That’s more of a surprise than Ryder winning a few weeks ago.

Dean Ambrose says that the Authority thought they held all the cards on Monday, but they can’t plan for Dean Ambrose.  Dean says since he beat Seth Rollins on Raw in the Beat The Clock challenge so he gets to pick the stipulation.  Ambrose lists off some of the matches they could have including a ‘JBL Hat on the Pole Match’ and have alligators around the ring.  He also says they could have a ‘Loser Washes Triple H’s Car’ match, but Seth probably already does that.  Seth Rollins interrupts him and stands on the stage.  Seth calls Dean the unstable one of The Shield and himself the brains.  Seth gives Dean some credit for Monday’s events.  Seth tells him to name the stipulation.  Dean introduces Mr. Money in the Bank and says the briefcase looks rough.  Seth says that Dean isn’t going to beat him at SummerSlam.  Seth says the stipulation doesn’t matter and it will be the end of Dean Ambrose.  Seth says the people can get to see that at SummerSlam for the low price of $9.99.  Dean says the people aren’t going to pay to see Seth run.  Dean says if Seth tries to run, he’ll run into a wall of bodies.  Dean Ambrose says their match will be a Lumberjack Match.  Dean Ambrose says that SummerSlam is the day Mr. Money in the Bank goes broke.  Seth says he’s not going anywhere.  Seth says no matter what happens at SummerSlam he will still be Mr. Money in the Bank.  Seth says The Authority has given him the right to pick Dean’s opponent for tonight.  He picks Randy Orton.  Randy Orton vs. Dean Ambrose.  Could be a fun main event.


Monday is Hulk Hogan’s birthday bash.  That’ll be fun.

Mark Henry & Big Show vs. Rybaxel

First time we’ve seen Big Show in awhile and I’ve actually missed the big lug a little bit.  Maybe he’ll do a Hulk Hogan imitation on Monday.  Henry and Axel start this off.  Axel moves around Henry and mocks Axel by moving slowly then rolls out of the ring when Henry charges.  Axel rolls back in and Henry catches him with some clubbing blows.  Axel looks stunned and tags in Ryback.  Ryback tells Henry to hit him.  They lock up and Henry flings him back.  Ryback is smirking and pushes Henry.  Henry pushes him back.  Henry rams Ryback in the corner.  Henry whips Ryback across the ring.  He flings him off the rope.  Henry picks him up for the World’s Strongest Slam, but Axel chop blocks Henry.  They double team for a minute before Ryback hits some knees to Henry.  Ryback teases a powerbomb, but Henry flings him over.  Show tags in, hits some clotheslines and a big boot.  He flings Ryback to Henry for the WSM and hits a big Chokeslam on Curtis Axel for the pin.

Winners:  The Big Show & Mark Henry

Dolph Ziggler is in the back with Rosa Mendes, Eva Marie, and Adam Rose.  Seth comes up and calls Dolph’s career a joke.  Seth says he’s going to pick his own opponent for tonight as well.  Dolph says that sounds like a challenge.  Seth says you bet your ass it’s a challenge.


JBL and Michael Cole hype the WWE Network.

Sin Cara vs. Damien Sandow (as a Border Patrol Officer)

They lock up and Sandow hits some big blows to Sin Cara’s face.  Sandow goes for the Elbow of Disdain.  He locks in the side headlock.  Cara fights out and hits a springboard body splash times three.  He hits a tiltawhirl armdrag.  Sandow hits a backdrop for two.  Sandow goes for the full nelson, but it’s reversed into an Angle Slam.  Sin Cara hits a Senton Bomb for the three count.

Winner:  Sin Cara


JBL and Cole hype Occulus and discuss Brock vs. Cena.  Video package of Brock vs. Cena.  I know Mr. Spain loves those.


Dolph Ziggler vs. Seth Rollins

Dolph Ziggler is fighting The Miz at SummerSlam.  They lock up with vigor.  Seth hits some elbows on Dolph in the corner.  He flings Dolph across the ring by his hair.  Seth throws Dolph on his neck on the top rope.  Seth locks in a camel clutch.  Dolph fights back but Seth stops him with the Triple Vertical.  Seth chokes Dolph on the second rope.  Seth locks in a side headlock.  Dolph fights up and hits a big jawbreaker.  Dolph ducks a clothesline and hits some big drop kicks.  He goes for the Fameasser, but Seth throws him over the top rope onto the floor.


Dolph is pounding on Seth as we come back, but Seth hits a kick to Dolph’s jaw.  Seth rubs Dolph’s face on the mat.  Seth goes outside and hits blows to Dolph’s body laid over the edge.  He kicks Dolph to knock him back in the ring.  Seth gets back in and toys with Dolph.  Seth stomps on Dolph’s head on the bottom rope.  He continues to taunt Ziggler.  Ziggler goes off the ropes, but eats a big elbow for two.  Side headlock and Dolph pushes Seth into the corner to break it up.  Dolph hits some drop kicks and a big Splash in the corner.  Dolph goes for the 10 count in the corner.  Dolph hits a neckbreaker for two.  Dolph hits a belly to back suplex for two.  They exchange blows and Dolph splashes down on Seth for two.  Dolph goes for a corner splash and misses.  Seth goes for a suplex, but Dolph rolls him up for two.  They trade blows, Seth goes off the ropes, but eats a big high-impact DDT from Dolph for two.  Dolph goes for the ZigZag, but Seth rolls him up for two.  Seth pulls Dolph’s head down on the top rope.  Seth is on the apron and goes for the springboard knee, but Dolph dodges and hits the Fameasser.  Dolph pounds away on Seth, but Seth kicks Dolph’s knee and throws him between the top and second rope into the ringpost.  Dolph falls to the floor.  Seth goes outside and picks him up and throws him into the barricade.  Seth asks what’s funny now?  Seth throws Dolph into the steel steps.  The referee continues to count.  Seth picks up Dolph and rolls him in.  Seth is getting cocky now.  Seth taunts Dolph and screams at him.  Seth Rollins hits the Curb Stomp and gets the three count.

Winner:  Seth Rollins

Randy Orton is in the back with Renee Young.  She asks him about his match tonight.  Orton says Ambrose is unstable, but he is uncontrollable.  Orton says he doesn’t even know what he’ll do when he gets his hand on Ambrose.  Orton says that he is the most unstable.


Natalya vs. Paige

Paige skips to the ring.  They recap last week where AJ is pushed off the stage by Paige.  Paige pushes Natalya.  Nattie slaps her.  Nattie hits a double arm suplex.  Natalya locks in the sharpshooter.  Paige crawls to the ropes and pulls the ring skirt when Nattie pulls her back.  Paige hits the Paige Turner on the outside and screams at Natalya.  Paige skips around the ring.  Nattie barely makes it back in.  Nattie tries to roll up Paige, but it’s only two.  Paige slaps Nattie hard and locks in the Paige Tap Out.  Nattie obliges and taps.

Winner:  Paige

Rusev is on his way to the ring when he’s interrupted by an All American…


Big E is in the ring when we return.

Big E vs. Rusev

Rusev pounds away at Big E and Big E responds back with some.  Rusev throws him in the corner and hits some big kicks.  Rusev strikes Big E in the face taking him to the mat.  Rusev is yelling at Big E.  Big E stops Rusev’s charge with an elbow.  Big E hits a belly-to-belly suplex.  Big E goes for the running splash and misses.  Rusev locks in The Accolade and Big E taps.

Winner:  Rusev

Chris Jericho is backstage and says that Bray Wyatt is a virus in the WWE.  He says he has the antidote to the poison and it’s spelled Y2J.  Jericho says he’s going to grab the buzzards and stuff them down Bray’s throat.


JBL and Cole discuss the WWE Network going global for… $9.99.

They show a Raw Rebound for the Brie Bella vs. Stephanie feud.


Dean Ambrose vs. Randy Orton

They circle around.  Orton kicks Dean, but Dean throws him in the corner and hits some strikes.  Orton goes outside to collect himself before coming back in to be put in a headlock.  They do some reversals and Dean ties up Orton’s legs and claws Orton’s traps.  Ambrose hits a running elbow on to Orton for three.  Dean wraps Orton’s arms around him, but Orton reverses out and boot him to the chest.  Orton stomps on Ambrose’s leg in the corner.  Dean pulls himself up and unloads on Randy’s face.  (Heh)  Ambrose launches himself over the top rope on to Orton.


Ambrose is hitting headbutts, but Orton whips him hard into the corner hard.  Orton begins dissecting Dean.  Orton headbutts and strikes Ambrose in the corner.  Dean comes back, but Orton targets the injured arm of Dean.  Orton has an armlock on Dean.  Dean says why don’t you put some pressure on it.  Orton obliges.  Dean fights up and headbutts Orton.  Orton kicks him, whips him into the rope, but Dean hits a DDT.  The ref begins counting, but they get up and Dean punches Orton’s face.  Dean is a house of fire and hits some big punches to Orton’s face.  Dean rams Orton in the corner, rakes his eyes, and hits a big swinging DDT from the top rope for a two count.  Dean goes for Dirty Deeds, but Orton reverses.  Orton gets flung outside.  Dean runs toward the ropes and Orton punches him!  Orton pulls him outside and starts flinging him into the steel steps.  Orton pulls Dean to the apron and goes for the drapped DDT, but Dean flings Orton over the top rope.  Dean hits a suicide dive.  They come back in, Orton punches Dean, Dean bounces back from the ropes for a big clothesline.  Seth distracts Dean for Orton to set up the RKO.  He reverses and hits Dirty Deeds.  He goes for the cover, but Seth pulls him out.  Seth beats up on Dean until they roll back in.  Orton hits an RKO on Dean and Seth pounds away on Dean.  Seth steals a lady’s drink and climbs back into the ring.  Seth pours it on Dean’s face.  Seth says at SummerSlam it’s the end for Dean.  Seth hits a nasty Curb Stomp.  Seth rips off Dean’s shirt and stands tall as SmackDown comes to a close.

Winner:  (by DQ)  Dean Ambrose


Thanks for reading!

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HTC Exclusive Interview With Justin Credible Fri, 08 Aug 2014 03:01:38 +0000  

HTC continues its string of interviews as former ECW World Champion, Justin Credible joins the show. Matt Harrak & the former ECW, TNA and WWE star discuss his career, the current state of pro-wrestling, the Kliq and which promotion he liked working for.



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DVD Review: “Ladies & Gentlemen, My Name Is Paul Heyman” Thu, 07 Aug 2014 04:03:27 +0000  

Ladies & Gentlemen My Name is Paul Heyman Header Image

The first thing you need to know about Paul Heyman is that he had more ambition and drive at 14 years old than the majority of adults have. He didn’t apply for a job, he created one. He didn’t ask for a press pass at Madison Square Garden, he said he was already promised one & they handed one over. He didn’t concede the floor to the more veteran & respected journalists, he slid right in front of them to get the best picture for his magazine. Yes, Paul Heyman, at 14, had created his own “dirt sheet”. Just at the beginning of puberty, he was going toe-to-toe with newsletters like the PWTorch and the Wrestling Observer. Heyman described his passion for wrestling & his ambition for the business when he said he didn’t only want to be a part of the business but he wanted to be a part of the magic that made pro-wrestling what it is.

Before moving to a larger, more prominent on-screen role, Heyman flew his way down to a Jim Crockett Promotions TV taping where Dusty Rhodes was the current booker. Heyman, true to his brazen nature, walked into the pre-production room with all of the other backstage personnel and sat in the farthest corner from where Dusty would be sitting. Upon his arrival, Rhodes immediately noticed the new kid sitting in the back corner of the room but instead of calling Heyman out in front of everyone, Dusty calmly walked over to where Heyman sat and asked to speak with him outside of the office. When Rhodes asked Paul who he was and why he was sitting in on “his” meeting, Heyman smoothly explained that he was there to take photos but was interested in learning more about the business & thought Dusty Rhodes would be a great teacher. After a LONG pause, Dusty responded that if Paul wanted to learn from anyone that he chose the best in the “great Dusty Rhodes” and to get back in the meeting. After that first encounter, Heyman would attend every meeting thereafter moving closer to Dusty’s inner circle every time.

Heyman would soon return back to New York City & once again talked his way into another job, the official photographer for Studio 54 at only 20 years old. When Studio 54′s head of promotion left for a rival club, Heyman convinced the manager that HE could promote for the club. And promote he did. The first event? A wrestling event where he attracted numerous celebrities and members of the NWA because he created a Wrestler of the Year award to present to the current NWA World Heavyweight Champion, Ric Flair.

Flair and Heyman

Paul Heyman’s stint at Studio 54 didn’t last very long as relatively soon after his successful NWA/Studio 54 event, he began managing in the Northeast before getting a call to join Kevin Sullivan and Oliver Humperdink as a manager in Championship Wrestling from Florida. This where he was first dubbed “Paul E. Dangerously” and moved quickly to Memphis and the Continental Wrestling Association where he joined Tommy Rich and Austin Idol in a heated feud with Jerry Lawler. Largely based on the success of this feud & others, Heyman made the jump to Jim Crockett Promotions and WCW. The new Paul E. Dangerously continued his managerial success by linking up with the Original Midnight Express (Dennis Condrey and Randy Rose) in a feud with the new Midnight Express (Bobby Eaton and Stan Lane) and their manager, Jim Cornette. Despite the success of this feud and the Paul E. Dangerously character in general, Heyman was fired as a manager by the head of WCW’s creative team at the time, Ric Flair but was quickly rehired as a color commentator when WCW’s main play-by-play man Jim Ross expressed his desire to work with Heyman on commentary. In 1991, WCW’s lack of top name heels & its desire to “re-structure” their heels led them to the conclusion that a new “Horsemen”-type stable should be formed with Paul Heyman as their mouthpiece. Heyman was immediately paired up with veterans such as Bobby Eaton, Arn Anderson, Larry Zbyszko and a returning Rick Rude. The one wrestler Heyman lobbied to be in this new stable was the current WCW TV Champion, “Stunning” Steve Austin and thus the Dangerous Alliance was born. He had been watching Austin’s talent and knew Austin could learn how to be a main eventer from riding with Rick Rude (and I believe that worked out quite well). The Dangerous Alliance rode high through 1992 with Bobby Eaton & Arn Anderson winning the tag team championships and Rick Rude capturing the United States Championship while feuding with WCW’s top babyface Sting. But the Alliance’s time was cut too short as WCW hired Bill Watts who promptly fired Paul Heyman. Heyman admits that he sued the company & won a substantial settlement but can’t disclose anymore details. Now out of a job and looking for the next opportunity, Heyman headed back to the Northeast & Eastern Championship Wrestling. He was 28 years old.

The stories from the ECW-era where more of the same that have been explored in the past. There were a few moments where the truth finally came out & definitely some surprises. Heyman openly acknowledges that Vince McMahon contacted him about using ECW as a private developmental territory and offered to pay Heyman handsomely. Paul accepted the talent exchange agreement but refused to be put on the WWF payroll. Instead, Heyman insisted that McMahon make any payments to ECW’s parent company, HHG Corp. Therefore Paul Heyman never received a paycheck from the World Wrestling Federation or the McMahon Family until he became an on-air personality. One of the most surprising stories revealed in this documentary was that Shane McMahon almost bought ECW in 2000 when it was about to file for bankruptcy. He wanted to purchase the company in order to prepare for eventually taking over the WWE from his father Vince. That deal obviously fell through and ECW filed for bankruptcy. The controversy around Heyman appearing on WWF TV before ECW was officially bankrupt was purely a legal ploy. He couldn’t tell any of the ECW wrestlers but he knew that if he could keep the company open during the bankruptcy process then when the paperwork was finally approved, all of the payroll checks for the talent would be covered under bankruptcy and would be paid in full.

Once the Alliance/Invasion angle had run its course and Paul Heyman’s brief return to color commentary was over, Heyman was lost in a company that already had an overabundance of talent with the acquisition of the ECW & WCW rosters. Looking for his next big challenge, it was former ECW champion & current color commentator Tazz who convinced Heyman to look at what would be the “Next Big Thing”, Brock Lesnar. Heyman was immediately impressed by Brock Lesnar’s athleticism, his wrestling background, his youth and willingness to learn. After studying Lesnar, it was Heyman who pitched bringing Brock Lesnar up to the main roster to Vince McMahon but it was Vince who put them together on-screen after hearing Paul’s passion for Lesnar’s potential.

When time ran its course with the Heyman/Lesnar partnership, Heyman was placed as the General Manager of SmackDown with a good amount of creative input although Stephanie McMahon was still the head of the creative team. Only months into his run as the GM, he and Stephanie McMahon essentially switched roles as she became the new General Manager of SmackDown and Heyman took over as SmackDown’s head of creative. It was during this time that we saw a huge youth and tag team movement. Adam “Edge” Copeland fully credits Heyman as being the guy to give him a shot on his own & really break him out as a single’s star on SmackDown. In fact, during this time in WWE history, SmackDown/Paul Heyman skyrocketed Edge, Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Booker T, Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero, Chavo Guerrero, Bubba Ray Dudley, D-Von Dudley, Shelton Benjamin, Charlie Hass, JBL, Matt Hardy and John Cena. That list contains Hall Of Famers Eddie Guerrero, Booker T & Edge with sure-fire future Hall Of Famers Kurt Angle, John Cena and Rey Mysterio. Yet despite some of the best SmackDown episodes in years, the WWE felt Heyman wasn’t really following their model and doing his own thing regardless of the input he would received and transferred him down to OVW to work with the younger talent.

CM Punk & Beth Phoenix where the two big names that were in OVW at the time Heyman took over. Punk was immediately thrilled to get to learn the business from one of his inspirations as a teenager who grew up with ECW. Paul Heyman admits that he didn’t know what he was getting into with OVW but was thrilled to be working with developing talent again & instantly clicked with Punk. CM Punk’s passion for all aspects of pro-wrestling made for a perfect student/teacher relationship even leading to Heyman asking Punk to help write some of the shows. Paul said about Punk, “I’ve never seen someone grasp how to put together a show as quickly as Punk. I was learning from Punk before I was done teaching him.”

Today’s Paul Heyman in the WWE is about having fun-loving being in the wrestling business purely as on-screen talent. Plus he still gets to work some of the younger talent, specifically Renee Young who he has taken under his wing. She proudly admits that she’s a “Paul Heyman Girl” and is learning more than she ever thought possible from Heyman. Many of today’s wrestlers see a total change in the Paul Heyman that walks around television now compared to many of his previous stints with the WWE. He’s much more relaxed and having fun compared to politicking & fighting over the simplest of matters.

“Ladies & Gentlemen, My Name Is Paul Heyman” is BY FAR one of the best documentaries WWE has ever released. Paul Heyman is brutally honest about his success and failures, his achievements and mistakes. No one interviewed pulled any punches and the list of talent interviewed is impressive in itself. Names such as Larry Zbyszko, Dusty Rhodes, Jim Ross, Joey Styles, Tommy Dreamer, Raven, Gabe Sapolsky, Tod Gordon, Stephanie McMahon, Edge, Brock Lesnar, Renee Young, CM Punk and Bray Wyatt are just a few on the impressive list of talent featured. You not only get a fantastic look back at a great talent’s career but you also get to truly now the man Paul Heyman. He’s open about everything in his lifetime and the man who shines through your TV screen is truly a man you will have the up most respect for.


Click below to listen to the exclusive interview I conducted with Paul Heyman:


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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for August 1st 2014: We’re Not Even Good Enough To Provide Title Match Build Sun, 03 Aug 2014 13:11:40 +0000 Hey there, ladies and gentlemen. I apologise for this thing going up so late; I’ve been wined and dined kind of consecutively, and my moral character is not strong enough to break away from free alcohol and say ‘well, I guess it’s time to write my review’. But I’m here now, with a nice Kenyan coffee (a very decent region, if you haven’t tried it), and am ready to write this son of a bitch.

Can You Guys Just Pick Your Fucking Jannetty?

We start this thing off with the Real American, who’s still dragging around that flag. Seriously, I’m just reminded of these words from author Terry Pratchett: ‘I’d be very worried if I saw a man singing the national anthem and waving the flag, sir. It’s really a thing foreigners do. We don’t need to show we’re patriotic, sir…we don’t have to make a fuss about being the best. We just know.’ We see RAW, where we got Zeb Coulter’s take on the song America: Fuck Yeah and Jack claiming the ring for America. He’s facing Cesaro, and his siren has been changed from air raid siren to European police siren: if that’s to imply he’s no longer as much as a threat, that’s actually pretty funny.

Both former Real Americans tie up, with Jack getting a waistlock only for Cesaro to outwrestle him. Waistlock takeovers from Swagger, and he goes for the Patriot Lock, only for Cesaro to scramble out of the ring. Back in the ring, the men exchange blows, with Swagger clotheslining Cesaro in the corner. Thumb to the eye by Cesaro, and then a big boot right to the face. Gutwrench suplex to Swagger, and then a sleeper attempt; Swagger forces his way clear, but then runs right into a powerslam off the ropes. Cesaro straddles Jack (ew) and punches him in the face. Swagger ends up holding himself up on the ropes, and Cesaro slaps him. I don’t get why a slap is supposed to annoy someone more than kicking them in the face or gutwrenching them, but apparently Swagger prescribes to that psychology, and strikes Cesaro with an elbow, then a clothesline. Cesaro’s whipped into a corner, then runs into a boot. Cesaro’s in position for a Swagger Bomb, but he pops up, catches Jack’s legs and throws him out of the ring!

Back from a commercial break, Cesaro and Swagger are on the top rope. Cesaro wants a superplex; Jack punches his way clear and jumps…right into an uppercut. Near-fall, and Swagger’s trying to get back into it, but Cesaro’s always one strike ahead…until Swagger catches him and drives him down into the mat. This time the Swagger Bomb hits, but for a two-count only. Cesaro hangs Swagger up on the ropes, and hits a tiger bomb. Cesaro gets distracted by Coulter, and Swagger gets the Patriot Lock…and Cesaro taps out instantly.

So…okay? I mean, yeah, I know Swagger’s getting ready to face Rusev at the big show, but Cesaro tapped to him? And that fast? After a great match with Cena just on Monday? Silly David, expecting logical decisions. Still, can’t really complain about the rest of the match. 2.5 Stars.

After the match, Swagger raises the flag, staring at it with naked lust in his eyes. This preternatural courtship is interrupted by Rusev, who has his own flag with him. I’m waiting for this to go all Michaels/Hart and have Swagger humping the Russian flag, because that is literally how WWE responds to political and global turmoil. She challenges them for a Flag Match at SummerSlam, which fuels my certainty we’ll be seeing some Swag-on-Flag action. Coulter says that Real Americans don’t run from a call to action to defend the country. Unless they’re Orton, who apparently went AWOL that one time. He says that all Real Americans accept this match; as a Real Italian/British/Spanish/possibly Norwegian, I really don’t.

Speak of the dishonourably-discharged devil: it’s Randy Orton. God, could that t-shirt be any more aimed at ten year olds? Orton immediately says he has no issue with Lesnar, and this is what is fucking wrong with Orton right now. What happened to the guy who would RKO people because they happened to be the closest person to him? Why does he not have an issue with every single person ever anymore? Why hasn’t he shivved Heyman yet? But he is going after Roman Reigns, so at least some of that nihilistic desire to injure someone is in still there. We replay his beating of Reigns, and I still think they missed a trick by not having Orton RKO Kane after that chokeslam before turning to Roman. Then have Orton destroy Kane in a match this Monday: ramp up the danger factor. Challenge is made for SummerSlam, which does make sense, really.

The Greatest Trick The Devil Ever Pulled Was Convincing The World He Didn’t Exist

R-Truth is in the ring, and here’s Bo Dallas. Okay, I don’t as a rule love undefeated streaks. If you want to make a storyline out of them and make them a challenge for other people: well and good. But just having them there is a bit of an irritation, and we had Bo, technically Rusev and, if you can believe it, Adam Rose. Bo, I think, is going to be more interesting now we have to move out of the ‘x and Bo’ part of his character, so I’m glad the streak ended. I would, however, say that whoever went to a Creative meeting and said: ‘why not R-Truth?’ should be beaten by a big sack full of doorknobs.

Bo offers a hand, like the stand-up guy he is, and R-Truth attacks him, like the ex-convict he is. Dallas rolls out of the ring and Truth follows him, throwing him back in. Truth misses a splash to the corner, and Bo hits some elbows, but misses a clothesline and nearly gets rolled up. Crossbody from R-Truth, and then Bo manages to drive him into the corner, hitting strikes. The ref tries to make the count in that shrill voice of his, and Bo gets disqualified.

See, more interesting a character now. Match was kind of not really a thing, but all in the service of character development. 1.5 Stars.

After attacking Truth for a good while, Bo gets on the mic and says that Truth got what was coming to him. He says the crowd has not lost faith, because they Bo-lieve in him.

Hence The Saying ‘On A Scale Of “Rosa Mendes” to “AJ Lee”…’

Rosa Mendes is in the ring, and she’ll be facing Divas Champion, AJ Lee. We repeat AJ and Paige’s fight from RAW, and holy shit, I’ve just realised that they look exactly like Elia Martell and Lyanna Stark respectively (I’ve been reading the books again, so be thankful this is the first A Song of Ice and Fire reference I’ve made). Why would Paige pick a fight with the girl who put Punk and Bryan through a table?

AJ applies the Black Widow; Rosa Mendes taps.

Considering we almost saw a Rosa Mendes match, I have no complaints. 1.5 Stars.

AJ skips up the ramp, but then gets girly-pushed off it by Paige. Paige keeps saying ‘she’s fine! She’s fine! She’s overreacting!’, and that actually hauntingly familiar of my time served in clubs. Wow, I’d read the preview of this online and had thought it was some kind of massive assault; apparently not.

Ambrose is backstage, still with his magical healing bandages, and says that he’s sure that Hunter thinks that this handicap match is funny, and that all they want to do is protect Seth Rollins. Dean says that Kane being there doesn’t matter; he’s getting to Rollins tonight.

We get an update that AJ got carried out on a stretcher with a neckbrace. See, Brie Bella would have sued for that.

Does Michael Cole Not Understand Tag Team Wrestling?

Here’s Kane, making his way to the ring. He’s followed by Seth Rollins, and finally Dean Ambrose. We repeat Rollins’ assault on Dean from this past Friday, and Michael calls Seth out on jumping Ambrose when that’s pretty much Dean’s deal as well. I love how Michael will occasionally make such a skewed moral statement that he doesn’t even try to defend it when JBL argues with him.

Ambrose and Kane to start off, but Dean tries to jump Seth and Kane immediately goes after Ambrose. Dean dodges a charge, raining punches down on Kane until he runs into an uppercut. Seth calls for the tag, but Ambrose fights for a moment and runs into a big boot. Seth comes in, stomping Dean and wrenching his shoulder, then working him in the corner. Ambrose comes off the ropes and wrenches back Seth’s head to the mat. Rollins tags out, which is tantamount to setting fire to a baby penguin in Michael Cole’s ethical system. Kane quickly regains control, working on the shoulder and tossing Dean shoulder-first into the turnbuckle. Seth taunts Dean on the outside as Kane wraps the shoulder around the post.

Back in the ring, Rollins gets the tag, and would you just look at this depraved motherfucker? Ambrose tries to mount offence, but Rollins is too fresh, working on Ambrose before tagging in Kane. JBL manages to back Michael into having to admit he was either wrong before or wrong now, and can we appreciate this Texan millionaire’s noble crusade for a moment? Big sidewalk slam to Ambrose, and Rollins tags in again. Christ, this guy is actually worse than Hitler. Rollins stalks Ambrose, and tries for a powerbomb, but gets backdropped. Both Rollins and Kane get tossed to the outside, with Dean throwing himself over the ropes at them. Seth gets thrown back in the ring, and Ambrose drop-toeholds Kane into the steps. Dean goes right after Rollins, stomping him into the corner. The ref’s counting, but Dean is channelling Bo Dallas at this stage. He hurls Rollins across the ring by the hair, then Kane drags Ambrose out of the ring, hurling him into the timekeeper’s area. Ambrose comes right back with a chair, clobbering Kane and Rollins, only to get put down with a boot by Kane. Kane tries to chokeslam Dean onto the chair, but Dean reverses to DDT Kane onto it instead; Rollins makes himself scarce and Ambrose beats Kane out of the ring with the chair.

I rather liked this. Ambrose plays the guy you can’t ever count out, with the slightly manic tilt to it. I enjoy how he’ll get so far into a match and then clearly think ‘screw it’. Adds something to the roster. 2.5 Stars.

Renee Young is backstage with Chris Jericho, and we look at the past couple of weeks of him getting the shit kicked out of him. Jericho says that at Battleground it was his night, but he’s since been paying the price. He really pushes the spider metaphor, which is a good way to destroy a metaphor. Plus, can he stop saying ‘let’s get crazy’ and then not getting crazy?

Oops, looks like Stardust got into the adrenochrome again. And Goldust is wearing a hat. Does the Cosmic Key unlock the door to the room they’re locked in so they can actually wrestle? It’s not like I’m not enjoying what Cody’s doing here, but I want to see him interact with…sane people.

Still Not As Bad As What Happened To Lita

Oh God, it’s Fandango, so I know what’s coming next. Yep, Diego and El Torito. Admittedly, Layla looks fairly breathtaking in her matador outfit that actually looks more pirate-y. I will say, this is kind of an elaborate crusade by a pair of women scorned. I suppose he should be happy they haven’t paid someone to give him herpes. You know what’s a thing that happens? That.

Bell rings and Fandango goes right after Diego, knocking his bullfighting ass down. The Matador gets thrown out of the ring, flips back in and Fandango turns it into a backbreaker. El Torito distracts Fandango, and then runs behind Layla and Summer Rae. Diego tries to take advantage of the distraction, but Fandango hangs him up on the ropes. Wow, when did he get so smart? Oh, but then Torito starts dancing with the ladies, and who in the back decided to play the music just then? Backstabber to Fandango, and that’s the match. The stupid, stupid match.

I don’t know who writes these comedy segments, or who they’re directed at. But I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t get along with any of them. 0.5 Stars.

Ziggler’s The Most Easily-Distracted Man In Wrestling

Oh boy, we’re going to be listening to the epic stylings of the Miz, who has already worn out his welcome in my eyes. But it’s a Del Rio match, so I should be able to drown him out. Alberto’s opponent is Ziggler, Michael calls them ‘two former World Champions’, and I admit that did throw me for a moment. Oh God, and the Miz was the WWE Champion.

Alberto immediately goes on the attack, but Ziggler ducks a clothesline and hits a dropkick, throwing hands to Del Rio. He builds offence, but gets pancaked and Del Rio sleepers him. Dolph jawbreakers his way out, dodges a charge and hits a clothesline and then a stinger splash, following it up with a neckbreaker. Miz says he can’t talk about his future movie projects, probably because they’re so tragic anyone listening would weep themselves to death. Dolph misses the Fameasser and gets German-suplexed for the pin. Superkick misses; the big DDT does not and Miz gets a microphone. Wow, spiffy red trousers on that guy. He says he wants to thank a few people for his success; this would be funnier if he wasn’t actually repeating the same names, which is just lazy writing. Thank the barista who makes the best latte ever, or list the girls who write you fanmail. Be creative, you hacks. Del Rio tries to roll up Ziggler, but it’s only for two; he misses the corner enzuigiri and Ziggler hits the Fameasser for a near-fall. Miz wants to thank Ziggler for giving him the opportunity to beat him, and says he’s not as good as the Miz is. Naturally, Dolph’s ADHD mixed with his easily-roused temper kicks in, and he goes for Miz rather than trying to get a victory over Del Rio. Goddammit, Ziggler. Miz escapes; Ziggler goes back to the ring and gets enzuigiri’d and armbarred and he deserves it. Ziggler taps.

Nice back-and-forth match that was overshadowed by Miz being…well, the Miz. But still, nice match. 2.5 Stars.

Del Rio’s ‘dude, what?’ smile and shrug to Miz is just hilarious. Alberto’s just here to win matches. We get told AJ’s been taken to hospital following Paige’s girly-push.

We recap the Brie/Steph thing from Monday, and I agree it’s an interesting enough storyline, but there better not be any situation during that match when these women actually are allowed to wrestle. Because I can’t imagine anything worse. Oh, and Michael’s Not-Wearing-Pants interview of the week was with Brie. Seems an odd replacement for Triple H; I’m not sure what it means symbolically. Also, how little faith does Steph have in her legion of lawyers that she’d rather fight than let this go to court? Or even try to settle out of court with Brie with their lawyers present? My parents are lawyers, and when I mentioned this situation to them, they honestly could not stop laughing.

In The Interests Of Keeping Rowan Away From SummerSlam

The Wyatt Family make their way to the ring. Bray asks why Jericho came back here. Is it because he knew Bray was waiting for him? Sister Abigail warned Bray about Chris, and that everything he’d say would be an empty promise. Chris Jericho lied to everyone and Bray’s probably going to beat him up for that, I guess.

Jericho shows up, and the Wyatts retreat, leaving Rowan to take care of this. They lock up and Rowan gets backed into the corner, getting headbutted and slapped around. Chris gets tossed under the ropes in front of the Wyatts. Michael says he doesn’t want to be so close to the Wyatts, and of course he does: if they attack him he wins by default. Rowan attacks Chris the second he comes back in the ring, stomping him. Jericho ducks a clothesline, but gets shoved way again and again, getting worked over more in the corner. Ladies and gentlemen: this is Chris Jericho getting crazy. And as I type that, Rowan is low-bridged and Jericho springboard-dropkicks him: damn it. Baseball slide to the Rowan, and Harper trips Chris up on his way back into the ring. The ref kind of catches it, and Harper’s look of wide-eyed innocence crossed with ‘I’ll eat your face’ psychoticness is hilarious. Harper’s ejected from ringside, but pauses so Bray can whisper sweet nothings in his ear.

Back from the break, Rowan was driving his fists into Chris’s head, and then pumphandle backbreakers him. Rowan remains firmly in control, keeping Chris down. Man, you’d think multi-time world champion Chris Jericho would be putting up way, way more of a fight. Finally, Jericho fires up, going after Rowan but gets caught with a crossbody, which Jericho turns into a tornado DDT. Kicks to the gut of Rowan, and Jericho comes off the second rope with a missile dropkick, but Rowan manages to hit a big spinning kick. Big boot to the side of Jericho’s head, but when he tries again he nearly gets rolled up. Step-up enzuigiri to Rowan, and then a dropkick to the head. Lionsault to Rowan’s back, but Rowan kicks out at two. Jericho gets run over by Rowan, and the big man goes for a fallaway slam from the second rope, but Jericho fights back, knocking Rowan down. He comes off the top rope and right into a big boot for a near-fall. Frisky Bearhug to Jericho, who manages to hurl Rowan into the corner, and then hit the Codebreaker for the pin.

Rowan often doesn’t display a great amount of interesting offence, as most of the time it’s stomps and slaps. This was one of those times, but they still managed to tell an interesting story. I assume Harper will be next, and then Bray can win without outside interference. 2.5 Stars.

This was just an okay SmackDown to me. Some parts were good; some parts were funny, but just not enough to make a really compelling show. Seven.

I won’t be here next week, as I shall be sunning myself in Sorrento, but the very talented RHETT DAVIS has agreed to shoulder the burden of that week’s report. I hope you enjoy; I shall certainly be trying to steal some Italian’s computer and check it out. Arrivederci!

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Full WWE Friday Night Smackdown Results for August 1, 2014 (Spoilers) Wed, 30 Jul 2014 05:07:59 +0000 Jack Swagger b Cesaro with the Patriot lock. They officially announced Swagger vs. Cesaro in a flag match for SummerSlam

Randy Orton did an interview saying he would finish Roman Reigns at SummerSlam.

R-Truth b Bo Dallas via DQ when Dallas wouldn’t break on the ropes by the count of five. Once again Dallas beat down R-Truth after the match.

A.J. Lee b Rosa Mendes with the black widow. Paige once again laid out A.J. after the match. She gave her a major beatdown to the point they put A.J. in a neck brace and carried her out on a stretcher.

Kane & Seth Rollins b Dean Ambrose via DQ in a handicap match when Ambrose hit Kane with a chair. Rollins ran away before Ambrose could get to him. Ambrose continued to beat on kane with a chair after.

Diego b Fandango when Summer Rae and Layla provided distraction.

Alberto Del Rio b Dolph Ziggler via submission with the armbar. The Miz distracted Ziggler when it appeared he was going to win.

Chris Jericho b Erick Rowan with the codebreaker. The stipulation for the match was if Jericho won, Rowan couldn’t come to ringside at SummerSlam.×250.jpg×250.jpg×120.jpg×120.jpg

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Early WWE Friday Night Smackdown Taping Plans Tue, 29 Jul 2014 03:49:04 +0000 While plans are often changed, even between Raw and Smackdown tapings, WWE has penciled in at least one match for Smackdown so far.

The plan is to feature a singles match between Chris Jericho and Erick Rowan of the Wyatt family as a major match for Smackdown.×250.jpg×250.jpg×120.jpg×120.jpg

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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for July 25th 2014: Golly Gee, I Hope Brock Shows Up Sat, 26 Jul 2014 00:00:06 +0000 What’s up, WWE fans? Hope you’re all enjoying the summer weather; my house is so hot Frodo and Sam keep trying to throw the One Ring through my bedroom window. And yet I’m still drinking hot coffee. Hmm.

We start, but of course, with a recap of RAW. Honestly, it’s like parents rubbing the older sibling’s achievements in the younger one’s face sometimes. And yeah, Lesnar’s back. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to go into these things without already knowing about it, but that would require there not being an internet, and then I wouldn’t know about things like this. And sure, I find this a fairly intriguing direction. I just wish Lesnar didn’t have such a sparse schedule that his holding the belts seemed so very unlikely. But I think Heyman’s promo has more than justified this angle. And I have to admit, I read that ‘oh my God’ moment of Lesnar shaking Triple H’s hand as Brock just not remembering who Triple H was. Try it; it works.

Sexually, This Is Referred To As ‘The Old Switch-er-oo’

We’ve got the Usos here, and what a show they and the Wyatts put on last Sunday. Let’s see if Rybaxel can live up to that benchmark; wow, I typed that without giggling. Ryback and Jey lock up, with Ryback getting shot off the ropes and hitting a shoulder tackle, then reversing Jey’s hip toss into one of his own. Splash from the Big Guy misses; tag to Jimmy and the Usos hit headbutts. Chops to Ryback from Jimmy, then punches in the corner before Ryback powers out, knocking Jimmy right down. Tag to Axel, and he runs right into an armdrag; fuck’s sake, Curtis. Headlock by Axel; he gets shot off and hits a shoulder tackle. Jimmy’s gets a waistlock, but Ryback catches the blind tag, only for Jimmy to knock him right off the apron. Axel clotheslines Jimmy right out after him, and Ryback tackles him on the outside.

We get a warning not to try wrestling at home, which I used to do all the time and never get hurt. Back from that, Ryback is chopping Jimmy in the corner; maybe we shouldn’t try getting chopped at home. Jimmy fights back, but Ryback drives him into the heel corner, tagging in Axel. Michael references the forming of the Nation of Domination 2.0, and it’s like they’ve made a whole stable for Rusev to feud with. Jimmy gets caught with a clothesline to the back of the head from Axel. Tag to Ryback, splashing Jimmy and putting the Uso in a sleeper. Jimmy comes back with punches, misses the dragon whip the first time, but hits it the second time: tag to Axel; tag to Jey. Jey’s knocking Axel all over and around, staggering him with an uppercut and hitting a running front dropkick; Samoan wrecking ball; Samoan drop. Ryback breaks up a pin, gets thrown out of the ring and Jey splashes onto him!

Axel has worked his way back to his feet and dropkicks Jey to the floor. Jimmy rushes over, and for a moment looks like he’s whispering to Jey, but it looks like they’re doing Twin Magic. Axel predictably picks the wrong Uso, despite the fact he’s even lying sort of on top of the legal twin; Rybaxel doesn’t deserve to win now. Back in the ring, Axel gets rolled up for the three. Actually kind of funny, until you realise that Jimmy has totally pulled that shit on Naomi.

Good match, but not enough to interest me in Rybaxel challenging. After the Wyatts, it would be nice to try and keep up the quality. I say get the Dusts in. 2 Stars.

We’re apparently all still reeling that physically assaulting someone live on camera and in front of thousands of witnesses might get you taken into custody. Or is it that a rich person got arrested? Because that was probably more surprising.

Backstage Miz signs some kid’s magazine without being asked. That needs to escalate to the point where he grabs someone’s copy of War and Peace and signs that too.

Miz comes out, not dressed for action: thank God for small mercies. And surely being in any movie ending with the number ‘4’, even as the protagonist, does not make you a movie star. Miz rubs in the fact that he’s our champ, and wants to give an acceptance speech. Wow, and Miz’s Dad is here. Come on, Orton, where the hell are you? Miz’s Mum is just…just awful. Randy, switch targets; switch targets! She then says that her favourite WWE star is Roman Reigns; that’s borderline emotional abuse.

Bo Dallas shows up to cheerfully bring an end this bullshit. He says Miz won the battle royal because he Bo-lieved. I swear, I can’t see this guy as a heel; he’s actually too loveable. Ziggler shows up, and it’s weird for him to stick his nose into something he’s actually sort of involved in. Wait, is he gushing about himself being able to eliminate Sheamus? Jesus… Bo tells him to Bo-lieve, then Dolph shoves Bo and attacks Miz. Bo then attacks Dolph from behind, knocking him out of the ring. Michael Cole calls it a cheap shot, and did he not see Dolph start that?

Orton Has To Attack At Least One Parent

Back from the break, it’s an impromptu match between Dolph and Bo Dallas. Bo drops knees and fists to Ziggler. Miz is on commentary, and that is about as vaguely irritating as it sounds. Bo knocks Dolph down with a back elbow, then wrenches the head. Michael comments that the interview with Miz’s Mum seemed scripted, and there are a lot of other words which would have worked there. Ziggler’s head gets rocked off the mat as Cole starts mocking Miz’s Mother; I support him in that endeavour. Big clothesline to Ziggler for two. Irish whip is reversed, sending Bo into the corner; a back elbow sends him reeling right into a big DDT for two.

Bo rolls out of the ring; Ziggler throws him back in but then threatens kicking Miz in the face, which apparently gives Miz a mild epileptic fit. Fameasser misses; Bo nearly rolls him up but the next Fameasser hits for a near-fall. At least Michael didn’t try to justify Ziggler’s actions, actually. Mizstraction leaves Ziggler open for a roll-up for three.

Nice to see that Bo’s starting to move up the ranks, like Rusev. I’d like to think his proximity to the championship is a promising sign; who can say? Also, second match of the night ending via cheating? 2.5 Stars.

After the match, Ziggler kicks Bo in the face out of apparently nothing but sheer dickishness/frustration at somehow getting distracted. Miz then shoves Dolph into the ring post.

Renee Young is backstage, and can we all applaud her for calling Triple H out on not going to be with his wife on Monday? Is it wrong that she is my favourite character in this whole menagerie? She’s with Roman Reigns backstage, so here’s hoping for more cute moments. She asks him about taking out Plan A; Roman carries on his and Ambrose’s grand tradition of calling Triple H ‘daddy’, and says he’s fine being a wanted man. He says tonight Del Rio better have a plan, because he’s got the punch. Which, let’s face it, he’s probably poisoned.

Sexually, This Is Referred To As ‘Kinky’

Here’s Dean Ambrose, and he’s still going with his ‘just stepped out of a movie set in the fifties’ look. Following him is Cesaro, and if there was justice in the world, Lesnar would appear and destroy him to show what happens when you dump Heyman. Then he’d go after Ryback and Axel too.

Ambrose starts off with some punches, backing Cesaro into the corner. Cesaro comes back, but knocks his shoulder into the turnbuckle, prompting Ambrose to go back after him. Snap suplex to Cesaro, and Ambrose heads outside, pulling out some chairs. Cesaro manages to recover, however, knocking Dean off the apron. He pulls out a kendo stick, but misses his swing and Ambrose clotheslines him into the timekeeper’s area. Ambrose has the ring bell and slams it right off Cesaro’s head. He tries the same trick with the kendo stick, but Cesaro catches him in mid-air with his own, dropping him.

Back from commercials, Cesaro is choking Ambrose with a kendo stick. During the break, Dean got gutwrenched onto a chair. Ambrose bites Cesaro, breaking the hold but earning a shot to the back with the cane. Bodyslam to Ambrose over two chairs, and then Cesaro uses the kendo stick to wrench Ambrose’s head back, and then swings it into Ambrose twice; on the third time, Dean catches the cane, gets bounced off the ropes and manages to clothesline Cesaro to the floor. Cesaro grabs a chair, but Ambrose beats him to the punch with the cane, then uses it to deliver a Russian leg sweep. He then tries to suplex Cesaro onto the chairs; Cesaro tries to reverse, takes a chair to the stomach and gets suplexed onto the upright chair!

Ambrose leaps off the top to slam a chair into Cesaro’s arm, and then misses a charge, blasting the turnbuckle with his shoulder. Cesaro tries to smash Ambrose’s arm with a chair, but Dean dodges and throws himself out onto Cesaro, taking him down. Dean throws a tonne more chairs into the ring, making him the average ECW audience member. Cesaro’s thrown back into the ring, but then Rollins jumps Ambrose, only for him to get clotheslined over the barricade. Ambrose turns back to Cesaro, but gets crotched on the top rope, and then suplexed from the apron onto a giant pile of chairs on the canvas…and Ambose kicks out at two! Dean catches Cesaro with a small package out of nowhere, and gets the three!

Pretty good for a no-DQ. Some spots I’d never seen before, and some (like the last suplex move) that you could only do with one or other of the competitors. Rather enjoyed. 2.5 Stars.

Seth jumps the fuck out of Dean post-match, letting Cesaro hit the Neutraliser. He asks when Ambrose is going to learn to stay down, and I’m guessing when it stops winning him matches. Curb Stomp to Ambrose, and Seth’s just looking more and more ripped lately.

We’re taking a look at AJ and Paige, and I guess a feud between two women who respected each other as worthy opponents but who just had to find out who find out who the better wrestler was really has been done to death. I guess I should be grateful that at least this has nothing to do with Total Divas, but that’s like being grateful not to be constantly getting punched in the face.

Women by WWE

Naomi makes her way down to the ring, having rid herself of the Cameron-shaped millstone around her neck. She’s facing Evil Paige, and it has honestly just occurred to me how fucked up the moralities of everyone in the WWE except John Cena, Rey Mysterio and Rob Van Dam are. Seriously: in the real world we’d have labelled these people with words all ending in ‘-opath’ and have them under observation, lest their basic and ingrained system of human ethics suddenly fucking flipped again. And we’d have probably sectioned Cena as well, for the good of everyone else’s mental health.

That whole rant actually felt really good, so I’m not deleting it in case that reverses the effect. Paige apparently skips now and…oh yay, grabbing a microphone. She says that she and AJ are still friends, and that she likes AJ and Naomi. Oh, I get it: crazy and hysterical woman. Let’s lock her in a room with yellow wallpaper; that seems to work. And…Cameron shows up, distracting Naomi so Paige can hit the Rampaige (urgh) and the PTO for the tap.

See, I want to get annoyed, but there’s been a fair lack of crap on this show so far, so I can’t get pissed about what this was done to make time for. YET. Still, would have kind of liked a match. Also, third match of the night with a tainted win? 1 Star.

Paige skips off, and Cameron attacks Naomi. And, let’s be clear, did so using a fucking snapmare takeover. Naomi turns it around, because she’s only taken three moves, but then still gets shoved off the turnbuckle to the floor. Jesus, are we going to have three women’s matches at SummerSlam? Someone from the crowd shouts ‘you’re not even that cute or good-looking’: cold. Cameron yells that she’s here to make a statement: I predict it’s that she’s terrible at everything.

Backstage, Goldust has a…plasma lamp? God, I had one of those: did not know not to touch metal whilst using it, but soon learned. This is like a fairly tame Hunter S. Thompson trip. Cody is actually coming off like the kind of guy who would ritualistically kill people as opposed to a comedy character; I say roll with that.

Sexually, This Is Referred To As…Um…

Oh lord, is R-Truth still here? Don’t get me wrong: I just…hate him. The Wyatts show up, and I feel like this should lead to Xavier Woods and Friends feuding with the Wyatt Family. And an alliance between the Wyatts and Rusev. And simmering yet awkward sexual tension between Bray and Lana.

Turns out that Bray will be taking on Truth; R-Truth actually shows some fire, landing some shots before getting knocked down. Wyatt clubs Truth down, and he comes back knock Bray down. Truth then breakdances, because it just seems like the perfect time, I guess. Wyatt spiderwalks, and I actually congratulate myself for seeing that one coming. Although I’d argue that spiderwalking in a fight severely limits your offensive capabilities, your range of movement and your capacity to either dodge or block, and if your opponent doesn’t take the opportunity to kick you in your face, heart, stomach or nuts then he shouldn’t be fighting anyone. JBL asks ‘who wouldn’t stop in their tracks?’ Me, JBL; I’d be busy stamping on Bray’s throat. Bray hits that badass crossbody of his, and stalks R-Truth before pancaking him in the corner. Hard-looking Sister Abigail gets the win.

Short and sweet. I’m not bored of the spiderwalk, per se, but more everyone’s reaction to it. 2 Stars.

We get a RAW Rebound of Steph getting arrested. And she got charged with resisting arrest? I’d argue she protested arrest, but she let them cuff her and left with them. Did she manage to temporarily escape the detectives’ hybrid en route? I could believe that.

As Miz’s Parents Are Led To The Viper-Proof Shelter

Good reception for Roman as he makes his way to the ring. This match came sort of out of left field, but I like it. Although I’m alive to the possibility that this is just so Orton can jump him. It’s also fun to pretend Lillian introduces Del Rio in Spanish because she doesn’t think he can speak English.

Plenty of time for this match, which makes for a nice change. Reigns ties up with Alberto and backs him into a corner. Del Rio has his strike countered and is beaten down for a moment before getting a kick right to the leg and working over Reigns’ arm early. I have to say, since we watched him damn near concuss Bray Wyatt, I’ve actually warmed to Alberto quite a bit. He just needs direction, and a motivation that isn’t ‘I’m foreign and sort of a jerk. And rich. Am I still rich?’ He tries the cross armbreaker, but Reigns pushes him out of the ring, looking more offended than anything else.

Back from the break, Reigns is in control. He sends Del Rio off the ropes, hitting a Samoan drop and clotheslining him out of the ring. Reigns gets Alberto on his shoulders, but gets thrown into the post; Del Rio wraps his arm around the steel and goes after it. He looks vicious tonight, as Michael mentions as well. Back in the ring, however, Reigns regains control for a moment, but Del Rio unbalances Roman, hanging him in the Tree of Woe before dropping the boots to his chest: that looks like it absolutely kills, and I dread the day when someone’s chest actually gets caved in with that. Reigns rolls out of the ring, coughing heavily. Alberto slams the arm off the steel steps and rolls Roman in for a pin attempt. Unsuccessful, he goes right back to the arm.

Reigns tries to fight out again, only to eat the corner enzuigiri. Again, Del Rio stays right on the arm, keeping Roman to the mat. Reigns does manage to gain his feet, powering Alberto right into the corner, only for Del Rio to hang the cross armbreaker over the ropes! Roman manages to break the hold by slamming a fist right into Alberto’s face and knocking him to the floor. Reigns hurls Del Rio into apron, barricade and announce table before tossing him back in the ring; he ducks Alberto’s clothesline; hits one of his own. Reigns runs into three knee strikes from Del Rio, but still manages to drop him with a clothesline! Roman tries his apron dropkick, but Alberto dodges! That’s the first time I remember seeing anyone counter that in any way, and Del Rio dropkicks Reigns right through the ropes, stomping him down.

Tree of Woe for Reigns once again, and Del Rio kicks him. Off the charge, however, Roman lifts himself up so Alberto blasts the turnbuckle, and then hits his apron dropkick! Superman Punch winds up, and he hits it. Reigns stalks Del Rio for the spear, and he hits it for the win.

This was impressive. Roman, of course, is the nigh-implacable dominance machine, but Del Rio actually came across as a major challenge. The moves and counters weren’t quite Rollins/Bryan level, but they were innovative and the whole match was just very enjoyable. 3 Stars.

Holy hell, no run in from Orton. Then again, if Miz’s parents couldn’t lure him out, what would?

I liked this SmackDown. Very little to get annoyed about, and the time was more or less used well. That said, the absence of major figures is starting to become noticeable; having Orton or Cena on the show occasionally would be a good move; I’ll suffer through it somehow. Eight for tonight.

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WWE Friday Night Smackdown Taping Results For July 25, 2014 (Spoilers) Wed, 23 Jul 2014 05:00:17 +0000 Dark match after main event:

- Adrian Nevelle beat Tyler Breeze to retain the NXT title with the red arrow.

Smackdown for 7/25:

- Usos beat Rybaxel in a non title match when the Usos did the switcheroo outside the ring and Axel got pinned with an inside cradle.

- Miz TV with Miz giving an acceptance speech for winning the battle royale. His parents were in the front row. He interviewed his mom briefly, who said her favorite superstar was Roman Reigns in a funny moment. He was thanking his wife Maryse, his pets and his face when Bo Dallas came out to a big pop. He said Miz won the battle royale because he bolieved. Ziggler came out and said Bo and Miz were alike because they’re both full of crap. Bo jumped Dolph which ended the segment and is leading to a match between the two.

- Bo Dallas beat Dolph Ziggler with a roll-up after Miz tried to interfere while doing commentary. Dolph laid out Bo during his victory lap and Miz then laid out Ziggler.

- Dean Ambrose beat Cesaro in a no DQ match. It was a good hardcore brawl with chairs and kendo sticks. Seth Rollins came out at one point but Ambrose clotheslined him into the timekeeper area. Cesaro did his suplex from outside the ring onto several chairs but Ambrose kicked out. He then won with an inside cradle (3rd roll up finish of the night so far if you’re counting). Rollins and Cesaro then left Ambrose laying with a neutralizer and curb stomp.

- Paige beat Naomi in 30 seconds. Paige said she was still friends with AJ, and she did the skip down to the ring. As soon as the bell rang, Cameron’s music hit. Naomi was distracted and got the cradle DDT and PTO for the win. Cameron laid out Naomi after the match.

- Goldust and Stardust are still looking for the cosmic key.

- Bray Wyatt beat R Truth with sister Abigail. After the match he asked where Jericho was when Truth needed him.

- Stephanie’s return and John Cena’s reaction to Brock are being promoted for Monday’s Raw.

- Roman Reigns beat Alberto Del Rio with the spear in a decent match.

Dark match main event:

- Kane came out and issued an open challenge. Big Show accepted. He hit the KO punch on Kane who fell out of the ring and got counted out. Gotta protect Kane in a dark match?

Not much to this show besides Cesaro vs Ambrose.

Return date announced of Monday, Feb. 16 for Raw. Presale password is RAWTV at×250.jpg

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WWE Friday Night Smackdown Main Event Match For July 25, 2014 Tue, 22 Jul 2014 04:40:43 +0000 Roman-Reigns2

Coming on the heels of WWE Monday Night Raw on July 21, WWE has revealed the main event for Smackdown this upcoming Friday.

In a one on one match, Alberto Del Rio vs. Roman Reigns will headline the show.

Pulse Wrestling will have full coverage of the show on Friday, and should have spoilers from the arena tapings on late Tuesday/early Wednesday×120.jpg

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WWE Friday Night Smackdown Ratings News Mon, 21 Jul 2014 22:46:28 +0000 WWE Smackdown was the highest rated original show on cable Friday night July 18, 2014. It earned a 0.8, up from last week’s 0.7 adults 18-49 rating.

The show had 2,885,000 viewers, and the final rating will be available soon.×250.jpg×120.jpg

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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for July 11th 2014: “For The First Time Ever…” Sat, 12 Jul 2014 08:34:24 +0000 Good evening, WWE fans; it’s Friday night and we’re all here for the same reason. Well, I’m here because I got offered a position to write about SmackDown and consider myself professional enough to actually do so; I don’t know you guys’ deals are. It has been a long day full of coffee, shopping and writing a modern-day adaptation of 120 Days of Sodom set in a small café, so I’m quite looking forward to sitting back and watching some wrestling.

Recap from last week of the Cena/Rollins match. I found their singles match from late December far superior, but then that was a straight match and this is all mixed up with story. Speaking of mixed up with story, does anyone over the age of eleven believe that Roman Reigns is walking out of Battleground with the belt? Seriously, I think WWE has found some form of reverse-foreshadowing; it’s like how you know that there won’t be a Money in the Bank cash-in if the commentators allude to it. Weeks of dominance = loss at the PPV.

Wow, starting our show tonight are Lana and Rusev. Aw, he holds the ropes open for her, and not even in that creepy way that Scott Steiner used to. Lana gets on the mic, and I think she’s implying that Roman Reigns is impotent. Fighting fucking words, Lana, and I’m not at all surprised that this brings Roman out; you don’t say that a man’s swimmers don’t swim. Roman gets chants, and he says he’s sure that Lana would love to stare at him all night. So, for those keeping score at home, Roman now drugs and harasses women at his place of work. He says that he’s a businessman, so this is all clearly building up to him being the WWE’s Patrick Bateman. He says that this is his ring, even though the WWE probably owns it, and laughs at the idea that a mid-carder has a chance against a man allowed to say ‘bitch’ on RAW. Lana clearly thinks that Roman is James Bond, because she’s spouting every 80’s action movie Russian line she’s got, and Reigns decides that he says when the main event happens, and it’s going to be now. Wow, he really doesn’t know what his job is.

Oh, here’s Charles Robinson, telling us all we can’t have fun ever and we’ll have to wait. What is this, tantric wrestling? Lana agrees with her fellow petite blonde, and the husky not-actually-a-Ruski leaves the ring. Meanwhile, Roman begins plotting to either poison or inappropriately proposition Charles Robinson, which is his go-to response to everything.

Oh Yay, Another Double Divas Match PPV

Cameron is already in the ring, checking herself out in a mirror. Seriously, she’s about to fight someone for money; in what world does that matter? Paige and AJ will be going up against each other at Battleground in a match which will hopefully be of, you know, match length. Hell, throw Natalya into this thing next time around and let all of the other Divas get on with their TV show.

Bell rings, but Cameron wants AJ to wait so she can apply lip balm; okay, I do do that before I fight. She then jumps on top of AJ and starts doing random can’t-really-wrestle offence. She tries to apply lip balm to the Divas Champion, which should probably constitute use of a foreign object, but like the referee is paying any attention at all. JBL actually raises that same point; look at me, thinking like a millionaire. Cameron holds AJ’s arms in a submission, until AJ rolls her up for a two-count and eats a dropkick. Who does she think she is: Paige? Cameron keeps shoving AJ, who basically Hulks Up, hitting a running clothesline and a neckbreaker. Skippety skip around the ring, then AJ hits a spinning kick for another two-count. Cameron makes herself scarce, backing away from the ring, and Natalya throws her back in the ring. The referee doesn’t call for the DQ, because literally fuck everything, I guess? AJ rolls her up; Cameron rolls through and takes a Shining Wizard to the mush for the three.

None too bad, although I’m surprised that Cameron was in control for so much. Seriously; do Divas Champions take a while to get going during a match? Nice to see AJ back in action, and looking forward to her match proper with Paige. 2 Stars.

Here’s Renee Young, who asks Randy Orton about Kane hating him. Orton says he doesn’t care about what Kane says: only what he does. He says he’s walking out of Battleground with the championship, and calls himself ‘the Legendkiller’ as he goes out to face Jericho. Oh, I remember: back when Orton was in any way sort of interesting.

 Adam Rose Is The Drug Habits Of Every WWE Employee From The 90′s In One Body

Here’s the sleaziest male dancer in WWE, with the radiant Layla in tow. And following Fandango is the Psychotic Narcotic Posse, featuring Summer Rae now, I guess. I do like how Adam Rose apparently stumbled mindlessly into this situation and probably still doesn’t know what’s going on or what his real name is (it’s ‘Adam Rose’). Also, isn’t Dolph with Summer? Or did he escape this hell?

The bell rings, and the pitting of a man who thinks he’s a professional dancer against the man who thinks his hand is a Smurf will now begin. They tie up, and Adam Rose gets a headlock and leapfrogs over Fandango when he’s shot off the ropes; Fandango takes him down hard but Layla and Summer are fighting on the outside. Fandango tries to grab boob under the pretence of breaking it up, and gets whacked in the face by one of his growing secret harem. Fandango is counted out.

Meh. A star for Adam Rose existing. 1 Star.

Summer seems happy about this, leading me to question what her motivations are supposed to be. Does she want Fandango? Does she want Adam Rose? Does she want Ziggler? The Bunny? #SummerAll? Adam Rose offers Fandango his mollypop, but the dancer slaps it away and immediately takes a Party Foul because do you fucking know how difficult those things are to get hold off?!

Bray Wyatt’s in a promo for Battleground, and uses the phrase ‘chaos reigns’ which makes me remember Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist: do not watch that movie if you’re not a fan of genital mutilation. And now Bray Wyatt and genital mutilation are inexorably linked in my mind.

Renee is backstage with Chris Jericho and more or less says ‘Orton, yeah, sure, but apparently you’re facing Bray in a few weeks’. Correct reaction, Renee. Jericho says that it’s the first time ever that Jericho will face Bray. Well…I mean…yeah. Jericho has fun with animal metaphors before walking off.

Seriously: What Do Slater And Titus Even Have To Talk About?

Titus O’Neil and Heath Slater are in the ring, about to face the Usos. So, two guys who we were surprised weren’t victims of the Red WWEdding vs. the Tag Team Champs. Could be a classic.

Heath distracts one of the Usos, and apparently pinning the wrong twin in a tag match is totally a big deal, but twins switching around to win a match in that way is just great strategy. Titus jumps on Jimmy, clotheslining him, and then tags in Slater. Jimmy comes back with some strikes, but Slater hits a kick to the face, knocking him down and slapping on a sleeper. Heath runs into a Samoan Drop; Titus runs in and gets immediately kicked back out by Jey. Heath tosses out Jey, gets kicked by Jimmy and eats the splash from Jey for the pin.

Quick match, but I don’t think we’d expect a hard-fought victory in this scenario. 2 Stars.

Not-Renee is in the ring, and asks them about the 2-out-of-3-falls tag match. They awkwardly pretend to do commentary and God, this is mortifying. JBL and Michael pretend that it was funny, and sometimes I feel sorry for those two.

Honest To God, I Was Expecting An Evolution Run-In

Almost like it’s an apology for the Usos trying comedy, we’ve got Orton vs Jericho. Chris comes down first, but before Orton shows up, the Wyatts hijack the titantron. Bray sings ‘He’s Got The Whole World In His Hands’, and that regrettably does not lead to a sing-off. Orton shows up, and let’s rassle.

The veterans circle, and then lock up. Headlock by Orton; he’s shot off the ropes and takes Chris down before taking a dropkick. Orton’s thrown off the ropes but bails out of the ring. He climbs back in, but Jericho hits a springboard dropkick, knocking Randy right into a commercial.

We come back as Jericho’s choking Orton on the ropes, hitting the running knee for a two-count. Orton comes back, clotheslining Jericho in the corner and choking him in his own right. Chops from Jericho, and he throws Orton into the corner before launching himself at Randy, who dodges to send Chris right out to the floor! That angle looked awesome. On the outside, Y2J is thrown into the steel steps by Orton, and then takes a back suplex to the barricade. In the ring, Orton poses, nearly getting rolled-up for it, and clotheslines Jericho.

Sleeper hold by Randy Orton, and Jericho works his way to his feet, breaking out to hit some chops, but Orton retains control, slamming the back of Orton’s head into the mat. Another sleeper to Jericho, just in case you forgot you were watching a Randy Orton match, but Jericho hits some chops. They exchange strikes; Jericho comes off the ropes and takes down Orton. Orton throws Jericho over the ropes; he lands on the apron and comes off the top rope with a big elbow to Randy.

Walls of Jericho attempted now; Orton’s not going down easy, kicking Jericho away and hitting a powerslam for two. Chris is thrown into the corner, leapfrogs over Orton and hits his step-up enzuigiri for a near-fall. Big clothesline to Orton in the corner, and Jericho goes up high, only for Orton to hit the ropes to crotch Chris on the turnbuckle. He goes up as well, attempting a superplex, but Jericho’s blocking him, headbutting him to the mat. Flying crossbody gets another near-fall, and Chris chops away before Orton hits his backbreaker, trying to follow it up with a Vintage DDT, but Jericho reverses it into the Walls! Randy manages to reach the ropes and low-bridges Jericho; Chris tries to come right back up, but eats a knee and then the Vintage DDT. Orton sets up for the RKO and Jericho reverses, hitting the Lionsault! And we get Wyatt Interference, which is enough to distract Jericho enough that Orton hits the RKO for three.

Good match: nice blast from the past. Would be very interested to see the Viper against the Wyatts; his character would be a nice thing to throw against them. 3 Stars.

The Closest To A Lesbian Scene We’ll Get, Until The Sexual Tension Proves Too Much For AJ And Paige

Oh, we get Double Fandango tonight, in his fucking pimp ref shirt. Layla’s already in the ring, and here comes Summer Rae, teaching us the meaning of ‘cleavage window’. I mean…I’ve just never seen it that blatant. Layla snogs Fandango, and then Summer does. Okay, which McMahon did Curtis donate a kidney to?

Bell rings and Layla tries to go at Summer, but Fandango picks her up and stops her…and then does the same to Summer. And then he dances, because fucking Fandango, man. Then both girls start beating him up, because…they just finally realised what a skeeze he is? Fandango yells ‘I made you!’, which is hilarious to me because I’m a little drunk. Layla and Summer have a stare-down, and then have a dance-off…and then dance with each other. Actually, I’m kind of fine with that, as it’s the best possible ending to all of this.

Goldust Is The Stardust-Whisperer

Curtis Axel is in the ring, with Ryback on the outside. And then Goldust and Stardust come down, because these four guys are the only ones who can wrestle each other. I have to say, Cody is goddamn selling Stardust. Never let it be said that this man does not throw himself entirely into role.

Goldust and Axel tie up; Goldust takes Axel down with a shoulder block, shoots him back off the ropes and then gets him with an uppercut. Axel leans back through the ropes, getting Dust to back off, and takes him down with a clothesline to the back of the head. Stardust is up on the apron, doing some showboating for the crowd, and Goldust nearly catches Axel with a small package. A fist to the face puts Goldust down, and then a dropkick sends him out of the ring.

On the outside, Stardust gets up on the table and lounges, honestly, seductively. Axel gets into Stardust’s face, like he’s a Texan trucker and Stardust’s an effeminate gentleman. Goldust jumps Axel, throwing him back in the ring, as Stardust walks off wearing JBL’s hat. Is there some kind of law that bad things happen to the hat now? Rhodes Uppercut and an inverted atomic drop to Axel, who then reverses an Irish whip but runs right into a powerslam. Axel tries the Perfectplex, but Goldust reverses and the Final Cut ends things.

Decent enough and with a really good flow to it, but the focus was on Stardust (and rightfully so, really). 2.5 Stars.

Ryback immediately jumps Goldust, going for Shellshock, but Stardust dives into the ring and blows glitter into Ryback’s face. Apparently this is that new, special mace glitter that’s going around, because Ryback is all over the shop and then gets low-bridged as Stardust cackles like a maniac. God, this gimmick is hilariously weird.

That’s Our Bo!

Oh, jeez, El Torito. And Diego, as Fernando is still being dragged into a parking lot by the Wyatts. Their opponent is Bo Dallas, and his victory lap knock-down of El Torito from Monday has to be a .gif by now. He says he’s going to be handicapable, which is enough to crack me up again. He says that all of us are his tag team partners, and I shouldn’t be wrestling; I’m kinda drunk.

Bo starts off against Diego; Diego avoids the first contact, and then gets Bo in a headlock. He ducks Bo twice as he’s shot off, and then sweeps the legs out for a cover. Diego locks the arm, but Bo fights out, throwing hands in the corner. Diego’s thrown off the ropes, but rolls over Bo’s back and hits a dropkick. Bo tries to attack El Torito, who avoids him, and then dodges a charge from Diego, hitting the Bo Dog.

Another quick match, but at least El Torito was in no way involved, so hey. 2 Stars.

Bo grabs El Torito, and throws him in the ring. He acts a bit shocked, and sort of prods Torito with his foot before Bo Dogging him. I approve.

Russia vs. Samoa In Canada!

Rusev gets to the ring, followed by Roman Reigns, who still hasn’t learned the route to the Gorilla position. We recap his throwdown with Kane, and I love the name ‘Fit Finlay’: from a British perspective it’s like they’re constantly commenting on his sexiness.

The bell rings, and they tie up, testing each other’s strength. They separate, and then Rusev comes back with muay thai kicks, taking Reigns into the corner. Roman punches his way right out, sending Rusev into the opposite corner and then uppercutting Rusev out of the ring and off the apron. Lana holds Rusev back on the outside as we go to commercial.

Back from break, Rusev’s pinching a nerve in Roman’s neck, but Roman fights back momentarily, before Rusev puts him down with a spinning heel kick. Kicks to the corner, and then a big kick to the face sends Reigns to the mat. Rusev hits chops and headbutts to the head of Roman, before slamming the back of his head back off the canvas. Reigns hits a headbutt of his own, but Rusev gets another strike to the midsection, and then sends Reigns hard into the corner.

Kicks right to the stomach of the floored Reigns, and then Rusev goes right back to gripping the shoulders. Finally, Reigns explodes out of it, laying down strikes, and slamming a clothesline into Rusev, who doesn’t go down until a flying clothesline hits him. A Samoan drop puts him down again, harder, and then Reigns hits his running apron kick right to Rusev’s face. Roman winds up for the Superman Punch, slamming it into Rusev’s face, and the gets ready for the spear, but then Randy Orton comes out of nowhere, hanging Reigns up on the ropes for the DQ.

I rather liked this; always nice when you’ve got two guys who are running hot getting to go at each other. Shame we weren’t allowed a real result, but still. 2.5 Stars.

Rusev tries to attack Reigns after the match, but merely ends up helping Reigns express-deliver a Superman Punch to Orton’s jaw. A big kick floors Roman, and he goes to apply the Accolade…but Lana’s not allowing it. Well, that’s unexpected. Maybe she’s got a headache. Oh, she’s leaving Reigns to Orton, because she probably knows what’s about to happen…oh, wow…Orton actually manages to hit the RKO. And we actually end the show without Roman standing extremely dominant. I’m actually surprised.

This show definitely had its ups and downs, and the contrasts were stark. Orton vs. Jericho was clearly the match of the night, and I’m of the belief the Usos need to be shot if they persist in trying comedy. Seven.

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WWE SmackDown Spoilers and Results for Friday 07.11.2014 – No Jack Swagger in Canada, so Roman Reigns Takes on Rusev! Fri, 11 Jul 2014 00:04:42 +0000 WWE SmackDown spoilers and results for Friday 7/11/14 featuring AJ Lee vs. Cameron, Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton and much more!

–Opening Segment: Roman Reigns and Rusev exchange pleasantries so they can fight later tonight!

–AJ Lee def. Cameron

–Renee Young interviewed Randy Orton about his match with Chris Jericho tonight

–Adam Rose def. Fandango by count out – more fun with Summer Rae and Layla to distract Fandango

–The Usos def. Heath Slater and Titus O’Neil – Usos promo on Wyatt Family afterwards

–Layla vs. Summer Rae no contest with Fandango as special referee – they attacked him

–Goldust beat Ryback

–Bo Dallas def. Diego and El Torito in a handicap match

–Roman Reigns def. Rusev by DQ – Randy Orton interfered to end the match

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HTC Wrestling Pulsecast: MITB Review, Live/In-Person Reaction To Huge RAW & More Tue, 08 Jul 2014 17:39:11 +0000 HTC Wrestling Pulsecast

Matt Harrak, Justin Czerwonka and Cameron Dougharty give their thoughts on the big Money In The Bank PPV, a loaded Monday Night RAW featuring the return of Chris Jericho and AJ Lee, the firing/re-hiring of Emma and much more!×120-2013.jpg×250-wrestling-pulsecast.jpg

]]> 0 aj lee,chris jericho,HTC Wrestling Pulsecast,money in the bank,Raw,Smackdown,TNA,WWE The HTC crew give their thoughts on MITB, a loaded RAW and much more! ( Matt Harrak, Justin Czerwonka and Cameron Dougharty give their thoughts on the big Money In The Bank PPV, a loaded Monday Night RAW featuring the return of Chris Jericho and AJ Lee, the firing/re-hiring of Emma and much more! Inside Pulse Wrestling no 1:44:39
Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for July 4th 2014: Enjoy Your Goddamn Independence Fri, 04 Jul 2014 21:15:14 +0000 Hey sports fans. It’s my distinct pleasure to cover SmackDown on this: Independence Day. Because you guys are apparently still really smug about that kind of thing, and it doesn’t even matter because Britain is a strong, independent country who don’t need no colony. Although at least we retained our ‘special relationship’, which apparently is the equivalent of political fuck-buddies

As a devil’s advocated-centred counterpoint to you guys actually having fun today, I’ll be writing this review whilst sipping a Newcastle Brown Ale and feasting upon Beef Wellington: the most English of all dishes, due to it possibly being named after a guy who beat seven shades of surrender out of the French (writer’s note: most English food is incredibly awful).

Well, on with the show.

We begin with a recap (sort of like Independence Day itself, I guess) of RAW. Cena’s on top again and is feuding with management, so it might as well be 2006 once again, right down to the video game cover. Also, let me be the first to congratulate Cena on finding a more ridiculous way to wear those belts than Randy Orton: you’ve seen the Championship Shoulderpads; now gaze in amazement at the Championship Bra. Blah blah Triple H, blah blah holding a briefcase, blah blah cold fingers of fear down my spine.

So, I still don’t recognise Rollins’ theme properly, but at least the bitchin’ black suit is stylish enough to excuse the garish gold briefcase. Also just realised that Seth Rollins kind of looks like Sandor Clegane in the right light (fuck the king). He says that he was seconds away from cashing in his briefcase; Cena got lucky, but the clock is still ticking. Seth then quotes Fight Club, furthering my belief that he and Ambrose are actually the same person.

Ambrose shows up, and that doesn’t disprove my theory at all. He says that no matter what happens, he’ll always be there (because he’s Rollins’ Tyler Durden). He says the briefcase is cursed, and that would be an amazing angle. The two of them go at it in the ring, but Orton shows up due to his consistent lack of anything else to do, followed by Roman Reigns, because Orton’s face isn’t getting punched at that particular moment. Ambrose and Roman clear the ring, and it’s nice to see those two actually kept in touch. Triple H arrives and puts Ambrose in a match with Orton and tells Roman if he interferes then he’s not allowed in the Battleground Championship Match. Because banning Reigns from matches has totally worked before and nobody got poisoned.

Cesaro Smash

Okay, honestly, why is Langston suddenly either really intense when it comes to public speaking or constantly having a mild stroke? Ironically, he’s actually not brought his bullshit patriotism with him this week, which I massively appreciate. We see the end of the Cesaro/Kingston match, and it’s actually not a recap, because it only happened on the app; well played, WWE. Heyman comes out and for some reason doesn’t mention the Streak, only introducing Cesaro.

Cesaro boots the shit out of Big E, hurling him out of the ring and into the barricade. Cesaro fights like Big E talks. Langston manages to halt the momentum, throwing Cesaro into the timekeeper’s area. But ain’t nobody got time for that, and Cesaro slams a chair into Big E’s back, and then full-on hurls the timekeeper’s chair at Langston; both current Heyman Guys hate furniture, I guess. Big E’s thrown over the announce table, then into the steps. This is supposed to be a heel thing, I guess, but it’s damn exciting. Langston manages to catch Cesaro and belly-to-belly him. They’re separated, and it takes five refs to hold back Langston, but only one Heyman to hold back Cesaro; Paul’s a beast.

Backstage, Goldust and Stardust have stolen both Bray’s hangout spot and his gimmick of acting like he’s under the influence (but they’re second on his list: right after Adam Rose). The Shield are watching this and thanking God they moved out before these guys moved in.

Roman is backstage, and sullen that he’s getting interviewed by Not-Renee. He says he’s going to concentrate on the battle royal, so screw Ambrose.

This Is What Happens When You Get Independence

Ah, here’s Sheamus: someone from another country who decided to fuck off out from under Britain’s fair rulership. And he’s wearing the United States Championship; yeah, yeah, rub it in. Obviously, since this is Independence Day and he’s entering into a feud with Jack Swagger and this is the greatest opportunity that they’ll ever get to do this, the person who takes the Open Challenge will be Alexander…Del Rio. Well, I suppose Independence Day is about dredging up ancient history, so in a way this is rather fitting.

The Irishman and Mexican circle each other, and I don’t know if I’m more disappointed in the writers for missing a great opportunity, or myself for not expecting that. They brawl in the corner, with Sheamus getting the upper hand, only for Del Rio to snapmare and kick him. Punches to Sheamus in the corner, but Alberto runs into a right hand and a rolling senton. Sheamus drops a knee to the forehead, and then punches away. Michael starts laughing at the time Del Rio was a victim of grand theft auto and criminal damage by Sheamus, because he’s a psychopath. Del Rio levels Sheamus with a clothesline and boots him right in the head. Sheamus recovers, hurling Alberto into a barricade on the outside, but gets thrown into the steps off a reversed Irish whip. Backstabber on the ring apron as we go to the break.

We return as Sheamus hurls himself at Del Rio, sending both of them out of the ring; both men are down as the ref counts, but they get back in in time. Slugfest starts and Sheamus hits some axe-handles before running into a boot, only to hit the Irish Curse backbreaker. It’s funny how this match would work way better on St Patrick’s Day or Cinco de Mayo. Alberto fights back, going for the Cross Armbreaker; Sheamus counters but gets caught in a tornado DDT. Del Rio stays on Sheamus, looking frustrated, and I have to admit I take Mexico’s Greatest Export more seriously after he kicked the fuck out of Bray Wyatt at Money in the Bank. Sheamus catches up to Del Rio on the second rope, and tries a superplex; Alberto fights out and Sheamus delivers the clubbing blows on the top rope as the ref counts as slow as he can. Flying shoulder tackle takes down Del Rio and Sheamus calls for the Brogue; Del Rio ducks and applies the cross armbreaker; Sheamus fights back, applying the Cloverleaf only for Sheamus to reach the ropes. Sheamus almost has Del Rio in an electric chair drop, but Alberto gets the cross armbreaker before Sheamus powerbombs him into the corner; a running charge sends Sheamus shoulder-first into the corner and he eats The Kick That Won Del Rio The World Heavyweight Championship; Del Rio tries for a moonsault, misses, lands on his feet and eats a Brogue Kick for the finish.

Yeah, yeah, fine: decent match. Doesn’t make me any less annoyed, or less aware of the fact that we’ve all seen this coupling frequently. 2 Stars.

We recap and interview between Michael and Daniel Bryan, and oh God, those are his clothes.

Instead Of ‘Injured’, Can We Start Saying ‘Was Dragged Into A Parking Lot By The Wyatts’?

Here’s Bo Dallas, who dedicates his entry into the IC Championship battle royal to Daniel Bryan. He’s facing Diego, because Fernando is…injured. If this keeps up, the only people employed and cleared for action will be John Cena and Randy Orton and oh my God, this was always their plan!

Diego says ‘ole’, as does Bo, and Diego dropkicks him. Bo fights back, taking Diego down and then says ‘yeah baby’. Hah: JeriBo. Diego manages to get some offence, surprisingly, but Bo puts a stop to that by throwing Diego shoulder-first into the turnbuckle, and ends it with the Bo Dog.

Short match, but good whilst it lasted. Obviously, no hint of a secret who was going to win. 2 Stars.

Bo then tries to be inspirational to a dwarf forced to wear a bull costume; JBL supports this, despite having stated multiple times his desire to legally own El Torito. He’s a complicated man. Torito then gores Bo, like the pintsized dickhead that he is. Bo bodyslams El Torito, which according to Michael Cole makes him Satan.

We see the return of Chris Jericho, and it’s like they think we all watch SmackDown, but not RAW. Also, the real victim of this whole situation is the Miz, because he appeared in a movie called The Marine 4.

Jericho is here, in his sparkly jacket, so at least we’re going to see a guy who can give Bray a run for his money on the mic. He gets serious as he talks about getting beaten up by three big dudes with beards (and if you’re going to be serious about anything…). He says that the Wyatts are one of the most dominant forces in the WWE, apparently missing the past three months of them getting Cena’d. He thanks the Wyatts, although does not then request ‘can I have another’. He says the WWE is about survival, and that he can be a little dangerous, because he doesn’t think, look and act like anyone else: he can get a little crazy; he can gets nuts; this is starting to sound like a broadway musical, and then Bray interferences his way in. He mocks the ‘save us’ campaign, telling Chris to save himself.

Chris gets some fighting talk going, but then the Miz shows up. Urgh, he’s like the exact opposite of Bray Wyatt. On the subject, however, of the Miz: rolled-up shirt and jacket sleeves; is that acceptable or a douche move? He says he could have helped Chris against the Wyatts, but says that Jericho tried to hurt his face. The second he gets in the ring, Jericho Codebreakers him. So far, I have to say that if this is the way Jericho plans on behaving in this feud, then I’m in.

What Happens To Your Offensive Ability When You Become The Divas Champion?

Eva Marie is in the ring and Paige is, I think, supposed to be on commentary, but has eschewed the wearing of a headset; we British want no part in your Independence Day festivities, thank you. AJ shows up, and I’d forgotten how big the Divas Title looked on her. Man, Paige deserved to lose for the use of the line ‘this is my house now’ in that accent.

Eva pushes AJ down to the floor, and ohshit.jpg. Wow, she actually throws AJ out of the ring. What’s going on here? AJ’s head gets hit off the turnbuckle and she’s taken down by a clothesline. Finally, she gets the boots up and sleepers Eva Marie; Eva tries to turn it into a sidewalk slam, but AJ applies the Black Widow and that’s the match.

Watch Eva Marie move in the ring, and then watch AJ move in the ring. The difference is that one of them is actually able to; not sure why there was so much of Eva’s inexpert offence on the Diva’s champ, unless they were deliberately referencing Paige’s usual match style. 1 Star.

Paige comes in the ring, applauding, and she shakes hands with AJ Lee, who seems happy to do so. Wow, did the WWE actually manage to make an angle between two women who respect each other and face each other solely due to a shared love of the championship, wrestling and healthy competition? Yeah, I don’t really think so either.

Wow, here’s Damien Sandow dressed as Bruce Springsteen. He is immediately interrupted by Rusev, with his giant flag and fake version of a real Russian medal. Sandow actually goes after Rusev, but gets mauled. Big USA chant as Lana takes the mic. She says that today is America’s birthday, and mocks Independence Day. Hey, at least they didn’t declare independence from you, toots. Swagger’s music starts, and Rusev’s angry face is a thing of hysterical beauty. And imagine how awesome this would be if Rusev was wearing the United States Championship… Zeb trolls the hell out of Lana by stating America’s accomplishments and manages to get a pop for vodka. Yeah, I like this angle so far, although I think that Swagger needs to become the WWE’s version of Sterling Archer to really sell the anti-Russian thing. Lana gets pissy as Swagger and Zeb get in the ring; Coulter looks so damn happy at getting the face treatment. I have to say, this is actually way more fun than I thought it would be; we’ve got duelling ‘We The People’ and ‘USA’ chants going. Rusev gets out of the ring like the massive, muscular pussy that he is. JBL says that Jack Swagger is a dangerous man, and I think Barrett and Ziggler would agree.

Seth Rollins Is Going To Have To Eat Every Fucking Chicken In This Arena

Rollins is on commentary, trying to argue morality and ethics with Michael Cole, which is like trying to build an aircraft carrier entirely out of sand. Randy and Ambrose show up, and ‘Randy Ambrose’ would be an awesome name. Bell rings, and Dean throws punches, knocking Orton around the ring. Punches to Orton in the corner, then a clothesline. Randy manages to take Ambrose down at the injured shoulder, rolling out of the ring. Back in the ring, Dean goes on the attack again, hitting several blows and trying for a suplex, but his shoulder’s too weak and Orton drops him with a dropkick, immediately working the shoulder; Dean rolls out and stomps Orton’s midsection. He traps Randy’s legs and claws back on his face. Orton manages to pull Ambrose into the turnbuckle and hangs Dean’s shoulder up on the ropes. Michael keeps seeming to not understand that it’s not really possible to cheat in a match with no disqualifications; this is actually worse than when he got annoyed at Sandow for winning his ladder match entirely legally. Ambrose tries to punch his way out, and catches Orton with a crossbody; he tries his rebound clothesline but Orton kicks him right out of the ring.

Back from the break, Randy is firmly in control, but runs into a boot from Ambrose in the corner. Michael asks ‘who says Seth Rollins built the Shield’ and JBL points out that Michael did, calling Rollins ‘the architect of the Shield’ for months. That was so satisfying a moment I actually had to check and see if I’d had an orgasm (I had, but it was unrelated, and if you wrote the way I write you’d understand). Ambrose is flung into the turnbuckle. Michael and JBL and Seth all take a moment to talk about how amazing Seth’s suit is, which I appreciate. More turnbuckle trauma to Ambrose’s shoulder, and Dean is back-suplexed onto the barricade. Orton works the arm back in the ring before Ambrose fights out, throwing Orton shoulder-first into the post.

Orton and Dean punch off; Ambrose ducks a clothesline and takes down Randy. Irish whip sends Ambrose into the corner, but he hits a back elbow off the top and clotheslines Orton out of the ring. Seth says he knows Ambrose better than Ambrose knows himself (because they’re the same person) as Dean hurls himself through the ropes onto Randy. Orton eats barricade and gets tossed into the ring, but Ambrose immense attraction to Rollins is too much to resist, and Dean hurls himself at Seth; do it, Dean. Go to him. Don’t try to be anyone else for anyone. He hangs Orton up on the ropes and rolls him up for the near fall. Orton uppercuts Dean, who rebounds with a clothesline, trying for Dirty Deeds; he gets pushed off the ropes and into a powerslam. Vintage DDT attempted by Orton, but he gets thrown over the ropes; Dean tries to go after him, but Seth clobbers him in the shoulder with the briefcase for the DQ.

That wasn’t bad, I guess. I like Ambrose’s style, but when someone’s injured or pretending to be, there’s always going to be limitations to it. 2.5 Stars.

In the ring, Orton and Rollins start attacking Ambrose’s shoulder, but Reigns shows up and pushes Seth off the turnbuckle before Superman Punching Orton. Rollins pulls Randy out of the ring before Roman can spear him.

This was an okay SmackDown; it just wasn’t up to the quality of the last few weeks. High point was definitely Zeb Coulter, and I have never said that before. Six.

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WWE SmackDown Spoilers and Results for Friday 07.04.2014 – Seth Rollins is In The Building so Dean Ambrose Is Not Far Behind Thu, 03 Jul 2014 13:10:27 +0000 WWE SmackDown spoilers and results for 7/4/14 featuring continued build to Battleground and a U.S. Title Match in time for Independence Day.

Opening Segment: Seth Rollins appeared, and so did Dean Ambrose. Randy Orton ran in after Ambrose attacked Rollins, then Roman Reigns made the save.

Triple H then booked Ambrose vs. Orton for tonight, if Reigns interferes during the match then he is out of the Fatal Four Way at Battleground.

–Big E def. Cesaro by count out – Cesaro walked away

–Sheamus (c) def. Alberto Del Rio to retain the U.S. Title

–Bo Dallas def. one of Los Matadores

–Chris Jericho came out and was interrupted by a Wyatts promo. The Miz then hit the ring and ate a Codebreaker

–AJ Lee def. Eva Marie – huge pop for AJ in a squash match

–Damien Sandow dressed as Bruce Springsteen and was interrupted by Lana and Rusev. Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter then joined in and Rusev and Lana backed off.

–Dean Ambrose def. Randy Orton via DQ — Rollins interfered, then after the match Reigns ran in to end the show.

END SHOW×250.jpg×120.jpg

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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for June 27th 2014: People Get Really Distracted By Belts Above Their Heads Fri, 27 Jun 2014 23:51:33 +0000 Hey there folks and…other folks. In a break from the tradition of the past couple of weeks, I’m actually going to be submitting this around about the area of ‘on time’ (this is mainly due to the fact that my coursework is ready for collection tomorrow, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit here writing a review when I could be sitting in a traffic jam dreading the future).

We start with a recap of…well, it starts at WrestleMania, which I don’t think is a record, but it’s up there. I still can’t see Kane as a genuine threat to any real championship contender, especially not after he dramatically cleared the ring on Monday and then got straight-up destroyed by an exhausted Roman Reigns.

We start off with probably-Evolution-2.0 in the ring. Stephanie’s not there, and I’m not sure whether that’s because Trips still doesn’t like the idea of Orton and his wife in the same ring. And let me just say: Rollins can fucking rock a black suit. Also, considering his former teammates now spend their time poisoning women or being crazy, maybe hanging around with his boss was a decent call. Triple H talks about eras, making us all pine for whatever we define as our own personal wrestling nostalgia (Lesnar as WWE Champ, incredible tag team matches and the return of Shawn Michaels). Apparently this is the ‘Reality Era’, although Triple H says it should be called ‘The Authority Era’, and that tells you everything you need to know about this guy. We’re again promised a new WWE World Heavyweight Champion, and can you imagine if that didn’t happen? None of them could be bothered to wrestle and all played poker instead? Hunter says Orton will get the belt and Rollins will get the briefcase: in other words, Triple H either expects Orton to lose the belt inside of a year or expects Rollins to screw them both over.

Orton takes the mic and threatens us with another awful championship reign: that heelish prick. And Rollins brings up ‘Plan B’ again, so now Evolution stands against creationism and the sanctity of life: suck it, Catholics. Orton gets all fierce at the implication that he might not win, and so Rollins diplomatically repeats his belief that Randy might not win. Mr Orton, always up for a fight with someone who could beat the shit out of him, shows aggression. Triple H plays camp counsellor and says that they should trust each other because he trusts them. In other words, Triple H has total faith in the guy who stabbed his best friends in the back less than a month ago and the guy who’s screwed over practically everyone ever and assaulted his wife. Maybe having Shawn Michaels as a best friend skews your perspective when it comes to trusting people. He addresses the Dean Ambrose issue and does his fucking Dick Van Dyke impression to introduce Wade Barrett.

I’ve Got Bad News For Barrett’s Shoulder Joint

Ambrose makes his entrance as well, and I’m unsure about both his music and the sleeveless hooded jacket. Bell rings, the men tie up and Ambrose throws hands and stomps in the corner. Barrett bulls his way back into it, misses a clothesline and gets Thesz-pressed by Ambrose and tossed through the ropes. Wade’s whacked off the apron and the barricade, and then is thrown back into the ring, managing to catch Dean with a big kick. Neckbreaker by Barrett, and we get our first OMINOUS VIEW of the MITB briefcase tonight. I mean…gold? Really? Maybe they’re hoping the feeling of fashion suicide will prompt a rapid cash-in.

Barrett his knees to the head of Ambrose, who’s tied up in the ropes, then a boot knocks him out of the ring. Someone yells ‘suck it up; you got him’ to Ambrose, and no he doesn’t, Random Fan; he is lying in pain on the outside. Oh, and now he’s getting thrown into the barricade. And a turnbuckle. All according to plan. Forearms lace Dean’s back on the turnbuckle, then a kick throws him off it. Headlock to Ambrose. Headbutts get Dean out; a back elbow puts him down and into a sleeper. A reaaaaally long sleeper. Ambrose slaps some life into himself, ducks a clothesline and hits forearms before slamming the back of Barrett’s head off the mat. He goes up high, but Barrett throws him back down. Pumphandle slam; Ambrose slides out and clotheslines Wade big-time. Dirty Deeds gets the pin, which Michael actually missed for a moment or so.

Pretty decent match, although the finish was a little abrupt. Nothing really to complain about: good bout to start. 2.5 stars.

Swagger’s music kicks in, and Ambrose wants himself a piece of some racists. Swagger, on the other hand, notices the foreigner by the barricade and uses said-barricade to dislocate the man’s shoulder. Thanks, Swagger. Don’t know how we’d injure people without you. Ambrose breaks up this further shelving of talent, diving out of the ring onto Swagger. He wallops Simple Jack with a small ladder and tosses him back into the ring, which Swagger then dumps him out of. Ambrose comes back as Jack’s distracted by how goddamned garish that briefcase is, and they brawl on the outside. Rollins then appears, hurling Dean into the steps and Curb Stomping him. Either he still hates Ambrose or has started disliking Barrett. I love how Roman apparently does not give two shits about any of this, but then he’s probably busy pouring sleeping pills into the coffee machine.

Hah…Women, Right?

Seems like it’s Cameron vs. Paige, and I wasn’t particularly paying attention to the commentary from Monday night, but apparently people would be more inclined to listen to the speeches of Hitler than Cameron with a headset. Today we’ve got Naomi on commentary, so let’s see if Naomi’s the better talker as well as the better wrestler. And apparently Cameron’s decided that she’s decided that the next few weeks are going to involve both being a bitch and blinding pain, because she slapped Paige; you could see the decision to break Cameron’s spine in the Divas Champion’s eyes. Also, Naomi’s lipstick for her MITB avatar is sparkling green. The honest fuck?

The girls lock up and careful, Paige: Cameron could be deadly with those shite-looking clotheslines. Paige backs Cameron into a corner and straight up stomps the crap out of her. Meanwhile, Naomi basically admits that Cameron is either crazy or a bitch. Paige hops over Cameron, who hits a facebuster for two. Headscissors to Paige’s neck, and she fights her way out of that, hitting the Paige Turner to basically demonstrate that Cameron is the second-best Funkadactyl. Have fun making analogies for that one.

Not much of a match, really; I think Cameron got maybe three moves altogether. 2 Stars.

Naomi gets into the ring and she and Paige have a stare-down, until Cameron jumps Paige. And I’ve just realised, with Naomi, Cameron, Alicia and Tamina to enter under her ‘feuded with’ heading, Paige is the skinny British female Rusev. Naomi tries to fix things and Cameron shoves her into Paige. Paige, who as we’ve already established is very easy to distract and fool, gets in Naomi’s face as the ref tries to cop a crafty feel.

If The Usos Lose The Belts, Will They Stop Showing Up At Other People’s Matches?

Sheamus is here and will be facing Bray Wyatt. I found a hat which looks exactly like Bray’s white one in a discount store; I’d have bought it but I looked beyond ridiculous wearing it. What’s the betting that the Usos show up in a way that should be cool and heroic but instead makes them look desperate? Bray and Sheamus tie up, and Wyatt shoves the Irishman away. No white pants, Bray? Sheamus is shot off the ropes and shoulder tackles Bray, and then both men go to work with fists. Sheamus is reverse-whipped into the corner, but gets the boots up, then goes up high and hits the diving shoulder block. Bray fights off an attempt at the clubbing blows to the chest, and hides behind Rowan. Harper distracts Sheamus and Bray trips him up on the apron.

Back from the break, Bray hits a crossbody, and the Usos are now at ringside. At least they had the decency to do that kind of thing during the adverts. Bray kicks Sheamus and then chokes him on the ropes. He hoists Sheamus up on the turnbuckle, who tries to fight back with headbutts but gets whacked onto the floor. Bray heads out after Sheamus, working him over on the outside. Back in the ring, Sheamus gets beaten down in the corner, blocks a suplex for a moment and then takes it anyway. Headlock to Sheamus in the centre of the ring, but he starts rising to his feet, only to take an uppercut. Bray charges at Sheamus, who levels him with a big clothesline. Wyatt’s tossed out onto the apron, then takes the Ten Beats of the Whatsit. He rolls out of the rolling senton, but eats axe-handles, dodges a running knee and gets bodyslammed.

Sheamus tries the Texas Cloverleaf, but Wyatt fights out of it, hitting a back senton of his own. Sister Abigail is elbowed out of, and Sheamus hits a sloppy Irish Curse, following it up with a flying knee to the face. Texas Cloverleaf locked in, and the Wyatts break it up.

Good, hard-hitting match here, and it advertised well. Still, I’m starting to worry about the amount of interference Bray’s getting saved by these days. We’ll see, I guess. 2.5 Stars.

The Wyatts are tossed out of the ring and get dived on by the Usos. Bray tries to hit Sister Abigail, gets tossed away but dodges a Brogue Kick. And Sheamus has managed to start annoying me again without me even realising.

Not-Renee is backstage with Goldust, who tries to talk to him but gets…I honestly don’t have a verb for this, but Stardust shows up and has either drank coffee that Roman Reigns gave him or has breathed the air anywhere near Adam Rose. If you know what I mean.

The ‘Guys Who Ain’t Winning On Sunday’ Match

In the ring are Van Dam, Ziggler, Del Rio and Cesaro, so I guess it’s mix n’ match ladder match opponents? Heyman’s on commentary and refuses to answer Michael’s questions, and damn it, he’s right. RVD and ADR start off and Del Rio hits a shoulder tackle, then kicks to Van Dam in the corner. Rob throws Alberto into the opposite corner and hits a monkey flip. Big kick to Del Rio as we get our Obligatory Streak Reference. Ziggler hits an elbow drop, but gets pancaked by Alberto. Tag now to Cesaro, who stands on Dolph’s face for symbolism’s sake. Michael then accuses Heyman of not having one his clients win a Money In The Bank match, despite the fact that none of his clients ever entered one whilst in his employ (usually because they were doing way more high-profile stuff) and the fact that both Van Dam and Punk have won it previously. The fuck is telling Michael Cole what to say, because I refuse to believe a war journalist wrote that statement.

Enzuigiri to Dolph Ziggler, then a tag to Cesaro. Ziggler ducks Cesaro twice and hits a crossbody and a splash, but far more entertaining is Heyman calling Michael Cole out on his vast field of fertile bullshit. Ziggler dodges Cesaro, hitting a Fameasser. Zig-Zag’s attempted, but Cesaro throws Ziggler off him as Alberto gets the tag. Dropkick to Cesaro, but Dolph gets taken out by Del Rio, knocked out of the ring. Ziggler’s thrown into the barricade and back into the ring as Cesaro comes in. Sleeper hold to Cesaro and Heyman tells Michael ‘I don’t like you’. This actually feels like it’s about something else as Cesaro hits a sidewalk slam. Tag to Alberto, who drops knees to Ziggler and mocks RVD. Snapmare takeover and a dropkick to Dolph, followed by a sleeper.

Ziggler hits a sunset flip, but then takes a violent-looking tilt-a-whirl and a fist from the top rope. Cesaro comes in and floors Ziggler with a fist, then applies a sleeper (I took a break there to write a comment on the possible Lesnar vs. Cena discussion; I might have gone a bit overboard). Ziggler manages headscissors Cesaro into a sleeper, who fights out of it. Ziggler tosses Cesaro out of the ring and crawls to Van Dam; Cesaro is thrown back into the ring by Del Rio, who comes in off the tag, but so does RVD. Rob kicks everyone, hitting Rolling Thunder to Del Rio, who manages to hit an armbreaker, but misses the enzuigiri. Split-leg moonsault to Alberto; Cesaro breaks up the pin and uppercuts Ziggler. Van Dam kicks Cesaro out of the ring, frogsplashes onto Del Rio’s raised knees and taps to the cross armbar.

Good match: best one so far. Del Rio looked more like a main eventer here, and I’m glad he was able to get the win. Still not holding out much hope for him at the PPV… 3 Stars.

Del Rio gets in Cesaro’s and Heyman’s faces, and why would you do that, Alberto? He eats a Neutraliser, which I think was Cesaro’s way of asking the same question.

Renee Young is backstage with the Usos, who managed to resist being at ringside for any more matches tonight. She asks how they feel about defending their titles, and I think they’re both trying to be the Rock but have nowhere near the level of charisma to pull that off (honestly, though: who does?).

It’s Roman Reigns vs. Kane later, and Michael says that Kane has not forgotten Reigns spearing him on Monday night. Apparently he’s not taking it as a warning, though.

Rusev Is So Awesome, He Prevented Sin Cara’s Mood Lighting

Rusev and Lana are in the ring, and I swear, her engaging in roleplay must be just terrifying. Plus, Rusev seriously has some ‘come hither’ eyes when he looks at Putin. Lana says something about how you guys are all decadent, and whilst we’re on the subject of the USA, congratulations on still being in the World Cup. I’m serious: nothing is making me happier right now than Britain being out and you guys being in, because nothing is annoying every British football fan I know more. It’s just…it’s beautiful.

Sin Cara gets in four kicks before Rusev destroys him.

I still get pleasure out of watching this; I think there’s something wrong with me. 2 Stars.

And here comes Big E, and I think his ‘inspirational’ style of speaking is actually just as much of a parody as Lana’s. And I need him to just go: ‘Lana. Lana. Lana! LAAAAANAAA!!’ ‘ЧТО?!’ ‘Danger zone…’ And according to him, you all work in steel mills or plants, which I did not know. He takes out Rusev, so it looks like he’s finally realised that he’s more muscular than Rusev is.

We recap Vickie getting fired. It must be weird to work in a world where employee rights and safeguarding don’t exist; if my boss told me I could keep my job if I successfully wrestled them into a big paddling pool full of mud or pudding, they would be on the receiving end of a sexual harassment claim so huge that I could afford to spend the rest of my life sitting around and writing novels (note to self: start winking at boss).

Is Kane Really Considered A Threat To Anyone?

Kane shows up to the ring, and I really want for him to drop unconscious and for us to be shown a recap of Roman Reigns dumping sleeping pills into the arena’s water coolers and laughing maniacally (I’ve really done a 180 on how funny spiking people’s drinks is, haven’t I?) Here comes Roman Reigns; imagine if roofie-ing people was his way of dealing with Rollins’ betrayal.

Kane hits a shoulder tackle, then an uppercut, and then eats a shoulder tackle himself. Headbutts to the Big Red Machine, and he fights back before taking a bodyslam. Roman attempts a backdrop, but Kane hits a DDT instead. Back from the break, Kane has Reigns in a sleeper, then throws him off the ropes and takes a headbutt, then a Samoan drop. Some early big moves here. Big boot from Kane puts Reigns down, then a clothesline to the corner and a sidewalk slam for two. Kane heads to the outside, dismantling the announce table. He tries to chokeslam Reigns, and gets driven right into the steps before hitting Reigns right in the mouth.

Back in the ring, Kane eats a flying clothesline, then another clothesline in the corner. Running dropkick to Kane’s mask, then a Superman Punch as Reigns looks to make Kane his Big Red Bitch. And then Orton shows up and hangs Roman up on the ropes, getting the DQ.

This seemed weirdly paced: a lot of big moves early. Probably a time constraint thing, but it always felt like the end was very close. 2 Stars.

Orton takes it to Reigns in the corner, and Kane should really be annoyed at Orton for making him lose via DQ. Unless this is a prearranged mugging in order to teach Roman the rights and wrongs of putting things in unattended drinks (are there any rights of that, actually?). Superman Punch to Orton, and then a chokeslam from Kane to Reigns. Kane heads out of the ring, and then gets the big ladder (as a Freudian ‘fuck you’ to Dean Ambrose). He actually looks like he’s going to lace Orton with it, but apparently is going to climb it and take the belts. Or he’s set the ladder up for Orton to climb. Don’t do it, Randy. It’s not the real match; you get nothing for doing this and it’s very dangerous. Randy…Randy…wait…Randy…

Orton takes off the belts, with the only thing achieved by that being that someone from the ring crew not now having to do it. Go on, Randy: put the belts over your shoulders again, like you don’t have a fucking torso. Kane sets up to chokeslam Reigns again, but Orton apparently wants him some. Or is…going for the punt? Probably a good idea to try to concuss the most dominant guy in this match now, really. Reigns disagrees, and spears both Orton and Kane. He then holds both belts up to close the show (he then hangs them back up, because the ring crew need to do their own damn jobs).

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WWE SmackDown Spoilers and Results for Friday 06.27.2014 – Money In The Bank 2014 Go Home Show a.k.a. Who Will Jack Swagger Deport Via Injury This Week? Thu, 26 Jun 2014 19:45:48 +0000 WWE SmackDown spoilers and results for Friday 6/27/14 featuring the MITB go home show and more!

Opening segment: Triple H comes out with Randy Orton and Seth Rollins. Both of them say they’ll win the MITB matches.

Dean Ambrose def. Bad News Barrett – afterwards Jack Swagger separates Barrett’s shoulder. Then, Ambrose hits Swagger with a ladder and Rollins curb stomps Ambrose.

Paige def. Cameron

Sheamus def. Bray Wyatt via DQ. – Rowan and Harper ran in, then The Usos

Cesaro and Alberto Del Rio def. Rob Van Dam and Dolph Ziggler – Cesaro attacked his own partner Del Rio after the match.

Rusev def. Sin Cara after a Lana promo – Big E had a stare-down with Rusev after the match, then Big E knocked him out of the ring

Roman Reigns def. Kane via DQ when Randy Orton attacked Reigns, but then Reigns speared Orton. Kane then Choke Slammed Reigns and let Orton climb a ladder to grab the titles. Reigns then speared Orton and Kane and posed with the titles to close the show.

END SHOW×250.jpg×120.jpg

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I’m Afraid I’ve Got Some Bad News! Wade Barrett Injured by Jack Swagger at SmackDown Tapings Wed, 25 Jun 2014 20:26:56 +0000 At this week’s WWE SmackDown tapings, Bad News Barrett suffered a separated shoulder at the hands of Jack Swagger.

Barrett’s status for Money In The Bank this Sunday remains up in the air.×250.jpg×120.jpg

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Breaking News: Stephanie McMahon Wrestling Tonight on Monday Night Raw Tue, 24 Jun 2014 00:47:19 +0000 Tonight on Raw, Stephanie McMahon will wrestle for the first time in years when she faces Vickie Guerrero. If Stephanie wins, Vickie will be fired.×250.jpg×120.jpg

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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for June 20th 2014: Roman Reigns Poisons Women Sat, 21 Jun 2014 12:22:06 +0000 Hey there, ladies and gentlemen. Again, I must apologise for this being uploaded later than usual; this time it was because I spent my Friday night running from zombies. And yes, I know that sounds like a really awful attempt at a lie, but actually…

 Zombie Run

I felt like I needed to provide evidence. You’ll notice from my cheery demeanour and non-blood-splattered face that I survived the experience, which felt like a bigger accomplishment than it should.

Right, that’s my tardiness explained: let’s get to wrestling.

God, I still hate this music for the SmackDown! intro. Oh, and a recap of us being forced to watch a stretcher match involving both Kane and Cena. Safe to say the best moment of that was Ambrose and Rollins getting their hands on each other. And why the hell doesn’t Cena use his instant-concussion-stair-toss to open the match?

And tonight, Cesaro, Orton, Wyatt and Del Rio will face Cena, Reigns and Sheamus in a four-on-three handicap match. Whether this is because the Authority was somehow involved or because whoever made this match saw Orton and Del Rio as a detriment to their team is not yet clear. And are we going to open up the fact that Roman Reigns is walking around with the ingredients and moral compass to effectively and rapidly poison women? Because I feel like they have arguable video evidence to have him put in jail. Or is this going to be a running gag with every week Steph getting really happy, then the week after philosophical, then unconscious, then joining Adam Rose’s Posse?

Here comes John Cena. Is he here to denounce Roman making drink-spiking a face action? And I heard the words ‘fifteen time world champion’ referring to John Cena and went cold. JBL acts like beating Kane in stipulation match is something you can pretend is an accomplishment. Cena is currently in comedy mode, so I begin the ‘until he mentions poop’ countdown. He recaps the belt situation kinda succinctly, actually, then he gets serious and says he’s going to put every one of the MITB participants in a line and punching them, making them a symbolic representation of every Cena opponent since 2005.

I’m happy that Cena is now interrupted, but did it have to be Del Rio? Insert bland heel speech of blandness here. He says he doesn’t think Cena remembers how dangerous he is, and this is the guy with the arm-submission hold who lost to the man with the injured arm talking. And here’s Sheamus, so it’s gradual escalation of importance here. He mentions the fact that if he won he’d have three belts, and here’s Cesaro with Heyman. Oh God, we could actually have Heyman and Wyatt in the same place. Heyman talks for Cesaro like a domineering husband. Obligatory Streak Reference, and I’m toying with the idea of putting ‘my client, Brock Lesnar, conquered the Undertaker’s undefeated streak at WrestleMania’ on my CV (I’ve started the full-time job hunt now that my Master’s is over; please provide references for me in the comment section of this article). Oh, Roman Reigns has showed up, so beermats over your drinks, ladies. Roman says he doesn’t trust people, and I don’t see why anyone should trust him. He gives Cena a stare-down, and I vote he kills him.

Orton shows up to kill the mood. Man, his thighs are shiny. Orton says the company was at an all-time high whilst he was champ; when he lost the belts, WWE lost its stock. Roman immediately goes for Orton on the outside, and no! No! Give us Bray! The guys in the ring decide that if those two are fighting, they will too. Cena’s left standing in the ring with Sheamus.

Seth Rollins, Rocking Quite The Upper Body

Well, looks like Seth Rollins has got some new duds. Not quite a BDSM costume, not quite superhero: I guess there’s a grey area. And he and Ambrose are still doing their slap-slap-maybe kiss thing, with Ambrose facing Kane tonight (because Kane is, I guess, involved in this). Oh, and with Rollins removing the shirt portion of his costume, I’ve now seen all former members of the Shield topless. He’s facing Kofi Kingston, who wants to be in the Money in the Bank Ladder match. I agree, because I assume there are still some crazy ideas in that dreadlocked head.

These two men lock up, exchanging holds until Kofi hits a splash to Rollins, who backs him into a corner, only to get thrown into it himself, but he manages to pull Kofi face-first into it, going to work with the boots. Snapmare and a sleeper to Kofi, who manages to elbow his way free, rolls out of a back suplex and catches Rollins with chops and dropkicks until Seth manages to put a stop to that, tossing him into a corner and splashes straight into Kofi’s foot and eats a splash.

Seth manages to hit a kick to Kofi’s midsection, takes a hurricanrana and dodges Trouble in Paradise as Kofi collides with the ropes. Rollins really lays the punches down on Kingston, powerbombs him into the corner; Curbstomp gets the three.

All of that was fun to watch; my usual complaint raises its head here: it wasn’t long enough. The back and forth of this was nicely done, and Seth still looked dominant throughout the match. 2.5 Stars.

Rollins grabs the mic post-match and states that he’s the first entrant into the Money in the Bank contract match, but then Ambrose shows up on the titantron and tells him not to talk. Love the Danny Zuko wardrobe he’s rocking. Rollins challenges Ambrose to come down there, but Dean tells him not to bother; after he beats Kane, he’s coming for Rollins. Imagine if it turned out Ambrose was Rollins’ Tyler Durden.

Wait, What The Hell?

We use Dolph Ziggler’s entrance music to introduce the Special Olympics 2014. Michael Cole’s ‘sincere’ voice is a bit jarring after so long. Ziggler’s opponent is Wade Barrett. Love his music, by the way. Cole calls him a ‘great champion’, which freaks me out, because did he just praise a heel? Barrett’s BAD NEWS is comparing anyone else in the MITB ladder match to the USA in the World Cup. Let’s all appreciate the irony that England has been eliminated from the World Cup at this time of viewing, and the USA is still in it. I’m delighted, because now everyone in this country will hopefully shut up about football.

Ziggler ducks some clotheslines to start, then hits a dropkick and misses a splash, taking a kick to the stomach from Barrett, knocking him out of the ring. Back from the break, Ziggler fights out of a sleeper, tries avoid a charge from Barrett, but eats a kick. Apparently Stephanie is still ‘recovering’, which makes me wonder what the hell it was that Roman spiked her with. And if they were going to bring out this part of his character, could we not at least have had Ambrose and Reigns doing some Fear and Loathing skits together before now? Cole actually says that there’s no evidence for Reigns doing anything, and of course there is: Roman Reigns definitely had the motive, and the opportunity (which we caught on tape). What the hell kind of journalist is Michael Cole? Ziggler gets a knee to the face and is knocked out of the ring, and Michael Cole says ‘if the glove doesn’t fit’. Good God, the O.J. Simpson Defence.

Ziggler’s thrown right into the timekeeper’s area, then tossed back in the ring for a two-count. Abdominal stretch to a seated Ziggler, who works his way up and hits a stunner. Barrett charges right into an elbow, gets hit with a crossbody, but then counters with Winds of Change for two. He winds up the Bull Hammer, but it misses; Dolph hits a splash to the corner, almost gets powerbombed, but rolls up Barrett for three!

Wow, unexpected. I mean, seriously, right? Nice to see Ziggler get a good win, and Barrett’s a high-profile opponent for him. Match wasn’t too bad, just nothing extraordinary. 2 Stars.

Ziggler hops off the turnbuckle from his celebration…and gets hit in the face with the Bull Hammer, which we then get to see replayed multiple times. That’s more like it.

We Were Somewhere Around SmackDown!, On The Entrance Ramp, When The Drugs Began To Take Hold

It’s Titus O’Neil vs Adam Rose, so it’s nice to know that Titus is really about to pull himself out of this slump he’s been having. He shoves Rose into the corner, slapping him around. Rose dodges out of Titus’ way, and rolls him up for the win.

Ha…haha…ooh. 1 Star.

Titus gets on the mic and talks smack. Adam Rose, always up for some smack, gets back in the ring, and smacks Titus. See what I just did there? Rose rolls Titus up for the win.

Forget it.

Rollins Is Actually An Ambrose Magnet

Seth’s out on commentary, in his bitchin’ black suit. Kane emerges to the ring, and apparently Ambrose is using the entrance ramp now, I see. And doing the jeans and vest look: way to defy the dress code, Dean.

Ambrose starts off psychotic, punching the hell out of Kane until he gets dropped by a big boot. Uppercut and a sidewalk slam to Ambrose, getting punched around the ring until he gets the boots up and slams them into Kane’s face. Ambrose comes off the top rope with another pair of boots, and then starts landing some bombs on Kane, until the Big Red Machine shoves him into the ropes, only for Dean to come back with a big clothesline. Running dropkick to Kane, and he reigns punches down. Kane goozles Ambrose, who slides out and plants Kane with a tornado DDT from the second rope. I’ve just realised that Seth reminds me of Ryan from The Office, once he got the corporate position. That is exactly who he is. Rollins tries to distract Ambrose, only for Dean to low-bridge Kane, dive out on top of him, and then go right to Rollins, because Ambrose has a one-track mind, and that track is called ‘Kill Rollins Road’. Ambrose leaps off the table at Kane, who floors him with an uppercut. Kane shoves Ambrose into the ring and chokeslams him for the win.

Another nice display of Ambrose’s skills; I was actually expecting him to get the win here, but it’s nice to be surprised. 2.5 Stars.

Seth heads to the ring post-match, and he had his shirt sleeves rolled up under that jacket? Sheesh. Curb Stomp to Ambrose as Rollins looks all pissy.

We recap the start of SmackDown, because I guess RAW was busy this week.

American vs American Whilst Russia Does Its Own Thing

Here’s Zeb Coulter, in the ring with Jack Swagger. He says that last week, Big E took advantage of a distraction to beat Swagger, accusing him of being in cahoots with Lana. Apparently Langston does not take kindly to people implying that he associates with an attractive blonde woman, and interrupts Coulter.

Swagger takes Big E out at the leg, then slams knees into Langston in the corner before clotheslining out of the ring. Swagger really has been intense recently. Big E dodges a charge and slams into Swagger, ending it with a Big Ending.

Well, I was hoping for a compelling feud between this new, fired-up Swagger and Rusev, both of them using their managers to do the talking. But hey, sure, this is just as good as that fun thing I just said. 1.5 Stars.

Fandango is backstage, knocking at a door whilst waiting for LAYLA. Oh, and there’s Summer Rae. She says she wants to apologise, but I think it’s a trick. Because when has WWE ever written a woman who wasn’t manipulative? Oh, and she kisses Fandango, who kisses her back, just in time for Layla to catch them. Fandango, have you ever watched professional wrestling?

We get a promo for the Special Olympics, and is that Doctor Cox? Oh my God, it is. Nice to see the WWE being involved with a worthy cause, although I bet there’ll be at least one badly-judged remark or angle in the following weeks regarding this exact thing.

I Can’t Be BO-thered To Think Of More Witty Titles

Here’s the freakishly young-looking Bo Dallas, and he’ll be facing supreme dumbass and cheater, Fandango. I can’t tell which Diva is supposed to be the face in this feud, but the fact that they’re trying to be in a relationship with Fandango is a point against both of them. Bo just seems kind of amused by this whole thing: he’s so amiable. Layla jumps Summer Rae and Fandango tries to break up the brawl. Bo just backs away from all of this, and I love it when the wrestlers have an in-character reaction to random stuff. Layla manages to rock Fandango’s head with a kick, whilst aiming for Summer Rae, and Bo just looks really shocked by all of this: clearly Bray and the Wyatts didn’t tell Bo about women or relationships.

Summer Rae runs off, pursued by Layla, and in the ring Bo actually helps Fandango to his feet, all concerned…and then Bo-Dogs him. You could actually see the light dawning in his eyes as he looked at the turnbuckle, which is just hilarious to me.

Honestly, if we were treating that whole thing as the match, that gets 2.5 Stars. Bo’s expressions are so perfectly down, and it’s hysterical to watch him work.

Bo then gets on the mic and tells Fandango that there’s plenty of fish in the sea, and he’ll eventually catch one. Please can we get Bo to give relationship advice as well?

The Wyatt Static happens, and my eyes go wide with hope, but this isn’t connected to Bo. YET. Bray calls us all mice and himself a snake. He gives an awesome and psychotic promo, and when he says ‘all I have to do is’, I would have given him a metric fucktonne of money to say ‘Bolieve’.

Roman Reigns Rohypnoled The Entire Heel Team

It’s our main event, and the participants make their way out to the ring one by one. We get told that Roman is going to answer for, you know, spiking his employer’s drink. Honestly, they’re incredibly kind for not getting the cops involved. Which, you know, would probably force Reigns not to compete in the Belts On The Shoulders Ladder Match. Bray teleports to the ring, like the fucking show-off he is. I like how Cesaro, Orton and Del Rio seem very accepting of Bray Wyatt; I’ve always said, the heels tend to trust each other more than the faces do in these situations, which is an interesting statement the WWE makes.

Bell rings, and it’s Cesaro and Sheamus. They lock up, jockeying for position in the corner. They exchange strikes, with Cesaro taking Sheamus over with a waistlock and then tagging in Bray. Bray hammers Sheamus, who reverses and Irish whip to the corner, hitting a shoulder thrust and a high knee. Cesaro tries to interfere, and Bray takes Sheamus down off the distraction; Cesaro tags himself in and Bray gets in his face as we get our first Amazing Feud Tease of the evening. Apparently being freakishly strong means that Cesaro is going to take no shit from Bray, and there is no incident. Right hands to Sheamus, who wants more. Is that how he gets off? The slugfest actually devolves into a slap-fight, and it had to happen eventually, until Sheamus hits a bodyslam.

Tag made to Cena, who throws hands at Cesaro before catching him with a bulldog and a big boot. The heels elect Del Rio as their sacrificial lamb, and they lock up. Del Rio gets a headlock, is shot off the ropes and eats a hip toss. Tag to Sheamus, and I’ve realised just how many of these guys Sheamus has feuded with. Kick to Sheamus’ midsection, and Cesaro comes in off the tag, smacking him around. Suplex to Sheamus, who is whipped into the corner but catches Cesaro for the Irish Curse backbreaker. Cesaro is thrown onto the outside, and it’s the clubbing blows to the chest. Bray is laughing hysterically at this, which is not the reaction you really want from your tag team partner. Cesaro gets punched off the apron as Cena applauds and Reigns nods in grudging approval.

Back from a commercial break, Del Rio’s got Sheamus in a headlock. Del Rio hits a kick to Sheamus, but the Irishman catches him with a rolling senton. Tag to Orton, tag to Cena, and John gets Orton with the shoulder blocks and a spin-out powerbomb. Attitude Adjustment attempt is blocked and Orton’s dumped over the ropes. There’s a stand-off between Team Face and Team Dick over the prone body of Orton: seems highly symbolic to me, and then everyone starts smacking their opposite number around. In the ring, Orton hits the Vintage DDT to Cena and stares down Reigns. Stomps to Cena in the corner and Del Rio throws some hands himself. Tag to Bray Wyatt, who takes Cena down with punches and bulldozes him in the corner. He tries it again, Cena gets the boots up, but runs right into a ura-nage. Alberto comes in to the match, smacking Cena around, but misses a jump onto Cena and slides out of the ring. Cesaro throws Del Rio back in, Orton gets the tag and powerslams Cena.

Cesaro in now, hitting kicks and uppercuts to Cena in the corner. Delayed vertical suplex gets two, then a big stomp to the chest of John Cena. Cesaro holds him in a headlock, taunting Reigns, but Cena hits a back suplex and both men are down. Cena runs for the corner, but Cesaro catches him with a Very European Uppercut. Cesaro keeps Cena down with punches, tagging in Del Rio so he can screw it up for everyone. Bray actually asks Cesaro ‘why?’, and he knows what’s going to happen. Corner enzuigiri to Cena, and could Del Rio do that up a ladder? Because that would be insane. Del Rio comes off the top rope, right into a dropkick from Cena: Bray and I both called that.

Del Rio actually stops Cena’s tag, taking him out at the knee and hitting the superkick. Cesaro tags himself in now, because if you want to slip up, you’ve got to do it yourself. He boots Sheamus off the apron and then turns around to get backdropped by Cena. Tag to Roman, and even the referee was into that: when I paused the match he looked like he was at a rock concert. Clotheslines to Del Rio; he ducks a clothesline from Alberto and hits his leaping clothesline. Uppercut knocks Del Rio down on the ropes; Reigns goes on the outside; Bray blocks his way; Reigns is all like ‘fuck you, dude’ and uppercuts him and hits the dropkick to Del Rio. Cesaro tries to take Reigns down, but Sheamus gets to him, knocking him to the ground with a clothesline. Roman gears up for the Superman Punch, but gets distracted by Orton and shoved into a right hand from Bray Wyatt…who Reigns just Superman Punches right back. Orton tries and RKO and gets shoved out of the ring; Del Rio hits a superkick to Roman’s stomach and tries the cross-armbreaker, but he gets shoved off the ropes and speared for the win!

Holy hell, what a match. Great flurry at the end and some of the interactions were priceless. Definitely sold the PPV for me, which was exactly the point of this. 3.5 Stars.

Fun SmackDown! again. Everyone really seems to be picking up the pace right now, and it shows. I’ll give this show an Eight.

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My Pinterest Is Piledrivers: The Sound Of One Hand Tapping…Out (WWE, Dolph Ziggler, Daniel Bryan, CM Punk) Mon, 16 Jun 2014 13:00:30 +0000 MyPinterestIsPiledrivers-500x375

Hello all, and welcome to My Pinterest Is Piledrivers.  I am James A. Sawyer, and I am @todaysjmsawyer, too.  You should follow me, after all, Andrew W.K. does.

One of my last columns was about how shit was gettin’ old in the WWE, and how I was on the verge of taking a break.  While my enthusiasm did dampen, and I clearly stopped doing columns on the regular, I still kept an eye on things.  After all, Punk leaving forced them to actually pull the trigger on some stuff.  Daniel Bryan’s admitted that he didn’t think he’d be champion if Punk hadn’t quit.  For lack of a lot of main event guys, The Shield has been pushed.  And someone must have noticed the reactions Cesaro was getting, because he’s now a singles wrestler and a Paul Heyman guy to boot.

But something happened on RAW fairly recently that just crushed my enthusiasm like the head of a Game of Thrones character.  A Money In The Bank qualifier match was had, wherein Ziggler, just as in what set me off in February, was made to tap faster than Savion Glover.  (Don’t say I can’t do highbrow references.)  And that, for me, sort of killed my buzz for summer, possibly longer.

There could be very convincing arguments made that the WWE is as good or better as it’s been in years.  Bryan is champ!  Shield are here!  Cesaro is being pushed!  Usos have gold!  Look at banner, Michael!

This thing, for me, is my own personal exhaustion with it.

I’m not a complete grump.  I’ll start with the good they’ve been doing.

Edit: After I wrote this (of course) and was offline for the weekend they do a Red Wedding of some of the talent mentioned in this article, notably Drew McIntyre and Evan Bourne.  Guess that answers those questions.  They obviously had to make room to give Mark Henry a raise and sign more dynamic talent like Curtis Axel or The Great Khali.  See you in ROH, guys!

Pro (wrestling)

-I like what Alicia Fox has been doing.  It’s sort of the divas equivalent of WCW heel Chris Jericho, which was a good Chris Jericho.

-Daniel Bryan is champ!  Two years of constant chants and fan support finally broke through!

-Between the Usos, Wyatts, 3MB, Los Stereotypes, Rybaxel and Golddust featuring whoever ends up teaming with him, there’s kind of a tag division again!

-NXT seems to be doing really well.  They’ve got Sami Zayn, Adrian Neville as future wrestlers and Sara Del Rey now training the future Divas.  Recent graduates include the Shield guys, and the promising Adam Rose.

-They’ve been developing neat characters.  Bad News Barrett seems to be massively over after years of aborted attempts.  Bo Dallas is one of the most original characters, with some of the most original promos I’ve seen.  I actually like the old-school nature of Rusev, with his Powerpoint Titantron and his manager old-school trolling the live audience with recent news articles.  Adam Rose seems neat.

-Paul Heyman and Cesaro!  Chocolate and Peanut Butter!

Con (not Kon)

-Daniel Bryan.  Now, it’s not his fault he got hurt and had to drop the title.  But even before that… his first big feud is with Kane?  A 47-year-old wrestler who’s been with the company for 18 years?  And the angle they’re going with it is that Kane once again is trying to sexually assault the girlfriend of a wrestler?  The same storyarc that completely buried every bit of momentum Zack Ryder had?

Even if, for whatever reason, they had to put Kane as his opponent… they couldn’t draw on the fact that they were tag-team champions, extremely popular ones?  But why not put Bryan against someone who can really go in the ring?  Del Rio, Ziggler, hell Seth Rollins?  And what is Bryan’s character now?  Just a guy who’s against the Authority who likes to say “yes?”  Isn’t this a retread of Punk versus Johnny Ace, which itself was a recent retread of Austin versus McMahon?  Can’t we come up with something better for him to do?

-Good gimmicks, mediocre at best wrestlers.  I like the old-school flair of Rusev the angry Russian, and Vince was really lucky Putin apparently missed being the bad guy in James Bond movies, but as a performer?  I haven’t been wowed.  Not sure what he has that Kozlov didn’t.  Bo Dallas is only 24, and nothing he’s shown so far indicates that he’s a wrestling prodigy that deserved to be called up to the big time so soon.  Adam Rose is a cool character, but I hope they let him break out and show that maybe he’s got some skills, and is not just another comedy act like Santino, Fandango, Damian Sandow, Brodus Clay, Sweet T, etc etc.

-The feud against talented wrestlers.  I’ll start with my mancrush, Ziggler.  I have no idea what it is about the fact that he gets chanted for in Rumbles and Battle Royals, and there are audible boos when he is inevitably eliminated, and the huge pop at his cash-in last year, and other aspects of his popularity that make him a target for being buried.  The guy has wanted to be a pro wrestler since five, and became a college champ at Kent State solely to look better for a professional career, and he is still off many PPVs and without feuds or mic time.

I honestly can’t remember the last time Kofi Kingston won a match.

I honestly can’t remember the last time Evan Bourne wrestled a match.  I think it had to have been in 2011.

Who knows when the last time Del Rio had mic time and a feud?  Back before Wrestlemania, where he was just used as a way to get Batista over?  Despite Del Rio being better in every single way, younger, as well as being a former world and WWE champion?

One can debate the relative worth of Zack Ryder, but man they crushed his dreams like a bug.  He went from having a YouTube show that got six figure viewings (at least) and having merchandise out the ass, to barely clinging onto the roster, and being lucky to even get on Main Event, or whatever third-tier program they have.

I’ve not seen enough of Drew McIntyre to determine whether his plunge down the card is appropriate, but he went from “The Chosen One” and Intercontinental championships to being in 3MB and losing to El Torito.

Why does it seem like the WWE is a company where being a mean, petty bully gets you places?  That’s not being a star at all.

-Same Old Shit.  John Cena and Randy Orton had a feud near the end of last year and beginning of this one, after already having countless feuds before.  John Cena is in the middle of a feud with the Wyatts that’s been going on since shortly after the Royal Rumble.  It is now mid-June.  The main focus for face champions seem to be “management doesn’t like them,” a storyline that’s more than run the course.  Big Show, Mark Henry and Kane are all still active on the roster, despite being there longer than a lot of the fans have been alive.  Sami Zayn, Adrian Neville are twiddling their thumbs, Colt Cabana and Chris Hero were sent home, but those three are still plodding around in slow “contests.”

-Big E is incredibly funny and charming, as seen on his Twitter and Instagram but certainly not in the ring, where he is now generic guy that loves America.  Why is he not in a massively popular tag team with Ziggler, where their gimmick is the audience already is crazy about them, and their mic work and skits making fun of other wrestlers gets them even more over?  Because that’d make sense?  Because it’s hard to be a black dude in the WWE and not team with another black dude?  “We can’t have a black guy and a white guy as a tag team!  What is this, The Defiant Ones?!”- WWE Creative

-I know this isn’t their doing, but three hours is way too long for wrestling.  Three hours used to be the time they gave their PPVs, which used to be roughly every other month, then every month, then 15 times a year and every Monday night.  I wouldn’t watch a three hour episode of “Seinfeld” every week, and I fucking love “Seinfeld.”  And you would think, if anything, that they would try to make that three hours interesting.  Instead it’s the same promos by the same people, and three minute squash matches.  Hell, do another wrestler themed talk show with someone you’re not using, like Ryder or Sandow, someone with personality.  Air pre-recorded skits that Big E or Ziggler do, just to break things up.  I know you can’t do 25-minute PPV quality matches all the time, but what about ten minute decent ones?  And maybe dusting off some guys not doing anything-your Yoshi Tatsus or Curt Hawkinses?  And I know that Smackdown is supposed to be the better show, but that’s taped and airs on Friday night-two strikes down already.

-I’m sorry this 3MB and Los Stereotypes thing is one of the stupidest things they’ve done.  I actually think 3MB could be a funny comedy heel group given something decent to work with-apparently they aired an actually humorous interview when they first started before being the guys that got crushed by everyone up to the Brooklyn Brawler and Gilberg.  But this ain’t it.  I would rather a girlfriend catch me watching furry porn than anything with these two teams on screen.

Yeah, that’s it for me.  I’ve had all I can stands and I can’t stands no more.  I understand that Seth Rollins betrayed the Shield for Evolution.  Good, I’m sure that’s a storyline with a sensible, creative payoff planned.  But I turned it off at Ziggler’s tapping and I won’t turn it back on for a long, long time.  This is me walking out, although I’m leaving a reason so people don’t stand outside my house or Swayze doesn’t shoot me in the driveway.  I’m taking a total break.  No shows, even in the background, no tweets, nothing that would in any way support the brand.  I can’t even, as the kids say.

Before I go, here’s some plugs.

David Spain (@MisterShedz) is the best writeup guy this site has seen in a long, long time.  I don’t watch Smackdown and I read his column.  Hell, I’d read him recap C-SPAN (at this point, I’d rather read a C-SPAN recap-less boring, more sensible).  This guy is like the new Andrew Wheeler, before he went Punk on us and left with no explanation, ironically before the Summer of Punk which he probably would’ve enjoyed.  If it were up to me, and I knew this wouldn’t drive him insane, I’d have him do next day recaps of RAW, too.  And follow him on Twitter.

Tweet BD (@BD_CRA) and bug him to do PPV reviews or bi-monthly columns or something.  Try to catch him when he’s not flying somewhere like a G8 meeting or to his summer home or wherever.

And get on Twitter.  Don’t act like you’re too cool, you’re not.

Lastly and most selfishly, consider donating to my GoFundMe.  Yes, that is my handsome bald head in the picture.  Even if you can’t donate, at least spread that link around like butter on an English muffin.  It’s what CM Punk would’ve wanted, I’m sure of it.

That’s it.  HAGS (Have A Good Summer)×375.jpg×375.jpg

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WWE SmackDown Spoilers and Results for Friday 06.13.2014 – The Shield vs. The Wyatts … Sort Of Wed, 11 Jun 2014 20:52:36 +0000 WWE SmackDown spoilers and results for Friday 6/13/14 featuring Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt in a qualifier for the Money In The Bank Ladder Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship:

–Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose cut a promo on Seth Rollins and Randy Orton. Triple H flips a coin via satellite and says it’s Ambrose vs. Wyatt tonight, with The Wyatts and Reigns banned from ringside.

–Roman Reigns def. Bad News Barrett by DQ – 3MB interfered and got CRUSHED by Reigns.

–Erick Rowan def. Jey Uso

–Bo Dallas def. R-Truth – before the match Bo danced along to R-Truth rapping and then interrupted to make people Bo-Lieve!

–Cesaro def. Sheamus in a non-title match

–Bray Wyatt promo on screen

Adam Rose def. Fandango – Summer Rae was dressed as a Rosebud and attacked Layla

–Big E def. Jack Swagger despite distractions from Lana

–Fatherhood PSA with Alberto Del Rio

–Alicia Fox def. Aksana

–Bray Wyatt def. Dean Ambrose to qualify for Money in the Bank thanks to interference from Seth Rollins who ran through the crowd.

END SHOW×250.jpg×120.jpg

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WWE SmackDown Results: Seth Rollins Explains Heel Turn and Faces Dolph Ziggler Sat, 07 Jun 2014 23:59:47 +0000 With Triple H by his side, check out Seth Rollins as he explains his heel turn and faces Dolph Ziggler:

Later on, Rollins helped Randy Orton avoid a KO Punch from the Big Show:

On Raw this coming Monday, Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns will be there live to confront Rollins.×250.jpg×120.jpg

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