Inside Pulse Wrestling » Smackdown Wrestling news, rumors, reviews and commentary, from WWE to TNA to ROH and everything in between... Tue, 16 Dec 2014 23:00:05 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Wrestling news, rumors, reviews and commentary, from WWE to TNA to ROH and everything in between... Inside Pulse Wrestling no Wrestling news, rumors, reviews and commentary, from WWE to TNA to ROH and everything in between... Inside Pulse Wrestling » Smackdown WWE News: Live Super Smackdown Matches Announced, Main Event, Raw Next Week Tue, 16 Dec 2014 05:30:53 +0000 WWE Monday Night Raw was a newsworthy show on 12/15/2014, including the return of Brock Lesnar.

As part of WWE week on USA, there is a live edition of Smackdown airing at 8PM on Tuesday. It is being dubbed SUPER Smackdown, and has two matches announced.

First, Dean Ambrose will take on Bray Wyatt in a rematch. Then Roman Reigns will return to the ring, although his opponent is not yet known.

On WWE Main Event, presumably at 7PM on WWE Network, The Miz will host Naomi on Miz TV. Plus, Erick Rowan and Kane will face off in a match.

Finally, WWE Announced that Hulk Hogan as Ho Ho Hogan would be the host of Raw next week on 12/22/2014
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The Wrestling Pulsecast LIVE! – (818) 532-9786 – YEAR END AWARDS SHOW Mon, 15 Dec 2014 15:17:51 +0000 Wrestling Pulsecast 2015 - 500x250



The Wrestling Pulsecast hosts its own Year End Awards Show! HTC Wrestling’s Matt Harrak, Justin Czerwonka, Heather Miller & special guest Andrew Goldstein will discuss pro-wrestling in the year 2014 while naming the Superstar of the Year, Best Feud of the Year and Who Will Have The Biggest 2015. PLUS prizes will be given away to LIVE CALLERS who give their own year end awards! Call (818) 532-9786 tonight at 6 PM to join the show or email throughout the day!


Superstar of the Year

Diva of the Year

Match of the Year

Tag Team of the Year

Best Feud of the Year

Worst Feud of the Year

Biggest Surprise of the Year

Worst Push of the Year

Worst T-Shirt of the Year

Who Will Have The Biggest 2015?



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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for December 13th 2014: Tables Ladders Chairs And…(Sigh)…STAIRS Sun, 14 Dec 2014 00:14:27 +0000 Hello there, folks. We are fast approaching TLC(S), the final PPV of 2014 and right before things start building towards WrestleMania. This is technically the go-home show, but this is also SmackDown, so let’s not expect any miracles, I guess. An announcement: next Friday will fall on a week of me having several days of drinking (run up to Christmas, am I right?), so I figure I’ll add one more: next week will be the second ever SmackDown Report Drinking Game. My current plan is to publish the rules either on the site or the Facebook page in advance, and y’all can get schwasted with me.

Well, the first thing we see is every participant from TLC more or less re-doing the build towards Survivor Series again. I’m sort of happy that Cena’s in a Tables Match, because there’s at least a chance he could lose, and even clean, but part of me just refuses to believe that the WWE is going to resist slapping us in the face with Cena vs. Lesnar IV: We Make Stupid Fucking Decisions.

Oh, speak of the devil and he shall appear. Here’s John Cena on SmackDown. I should probably feel grateful, but I think I still hate the sight (nauseatingly bright colours) and sound (nauseatingly awful jokes) of him, so I’ll pass on the gratitude. Cena grabs the mic and…holy shit, Seth Rollins cuts him off before he can even get a sentence out. I think this is that ‘gratitude’ thing I was talking about. Rollins asks Cena to shut up, raging against ten years of programming revolving around Cena. Wow, the fake crowd noise is just of an awful quality tonight. Rollins proclaims that the future doesn’t exist without him, which could totally set up a sci-fi movie where someone had to go back in time to prevent his assassination and save the universe in the process.

Seth says that Cena’s time is up, and that Rollins’ time is now. I really wish I could believe that, and then it’s undermined by Rollins himself commenting on how he doesn’t have to pin Cena or make him submit, because even he knows he could never do that at a pay-per-view. Cena says that Rollins has become a man; he’s out there by himself and believing that he has a chance, which is what John wants. Cena says that Rollins isn’t ready, and Vince McMahon said that on a podcast, so it must be true. Or he’s a crackpot, out-of-touch, egocentric maniac who should be kept away from any creative decisions with tasers and stun grenades. Cena rubs his ridiculous protectedness in Rollins’ face, and he’s GOING TO BE HERE FOREVER. Seth gets pissed off, saying that he’s the embodiment of the future, and that Cena’s been living in the future since he got here, and that Rollins’ entire career has been leading up to this match. When he wins, it will be the beginning of the end for John Cena; this is a paradigm shift. The crowd chants for Cena, and Rollins rages that he’s sick of it. Cena is going to fade into the background, becoming a memory, and Rollins is going to rise.

Cena tells Rollins that he’s good, but to listen to him: the WWE is John Cena’s life, and that he’s beaten everyone who’s tried to replace him, because of fashion, heart, focus, a lack of faith by the WWE in anyone who isn’t him or a part-timer.

Those were some good promos; the story seems to focus more on the young vs. old deal rather than morality, and that’s always an angle I can become invested in.

Does Sandow Have Any Moral Quandaries About Stunt-Stalking A Victim?

Cesaro and Kidd are in the ring, with Miz and Sandmiz on commentary. We see a clip of Cesaro and Kidd bitching about Mr McMahon showing his poor opinion of almost all of his employees, and I’d like to say that Vince should have focused on how awful a boyfriend Tyson Kidd is, but I remember the Attitude Era and I feel like Vince doesn’t get to have an opinion on relationships. Team Nothing Better To Do will be facing the Usos, and I can sort of guess the winner, because one of those teams has a feud with the champs and a name I didn’t just pull out of my ass. We repeat Jimmy’s megaton punch to Miz’s jaw, which I rewind and re-watch a few times for personal reasons, and then the bell rings.

Miz immediately starts defending his rapey overtures towards Naomi, and if I was Jimmy I’d have at least thought coming to a secret arrangement with my significant other which would basically be us taking full advantage of Miz’s movie star influence whilst leading him on for a year or so, then slapping him with the threat of a sexual harassment lawsuit when his general Mizness started to wear on us. See, you’re all thinking ‘David Spain is a despicable human being’, but remember: we’d be doing this to the Miz. Also, you just read ‘we’d’ in that last sentence and automatically considered yourselves party to this scam, just because the victim would be the Miz: you’re all monsters.

Anyway, Tyson and Jimmy lock up; Kidd slaps on a headlock, gets shot off the ropes, slides underneath Jimmy’s legs and gets knocked down with a shoulder block. Jimmy blocks a hip toss; Tyson backflips and takes a headbutt. Jimmy Uso in control as we look to see Naomi backstage; apparently she watches matches in her ring gear. Jimmy hits an uppercut to Kidd and tags in Jey, who comes off the top to strike the arm.

Tyson bulls Jey into his corner, tagging in Cesaro. Chops to Jey, who chops right back, hauling Cesaro into his own corner and tagging in Jimmy. Jimmy splashes Cesaro in the corner, but the Swiss Superman turns things around with a bodyslam; can we stop cutting to the Miz during a match with four excellent competitors? Jimmy dropkicks Cesaro out of the ring and then launches himself right out onto him. Back in the ring, Cesaro tags in Kidd and pulls Jimmy out to the floor; Tyson beans Jimmy in the head with a kick. Miz gets a phone call from his agent, who’s probably telling him to stop acting all Kurt Angle with Naomi. This does, however, cause Miz to leave, so maybe his agent just told him to go and assault her instead. What the hell, it’s Hollywood.

Back from the break, Jimmy is trying to fight off Cesaro, but eats a big belly-to-belly suplex. Miz probably has Naomi tied to a crucifix right now, with Paul Bearer reading their wedding vows. Kidd comes in, stomping Jimmy and putting on a headlock. Uso tries to break out, but Kidd kicks him in the stomach. Tyson tries his vaulting leg-drop on the apron, but it’s dodged. Desperate times for Jimmy as he tries to tag in his twin, but Cesaro outpaces him, nailing Jey with a boot to send him to the floor. Jimmy backdrops Cesaro, but Jey’s nowhere close, and Jimmy turns around into a running uppercut. Cesaro Swing time, with a tag to Kidd, who finishes the Swing with a leg drop; Jey breaks up the pin and gets tosses by Kidd. Tyson hits his vault-leg drop to Jimmy, who then take a stomp from Cesaro: lot of double-team moves going on here.

Cesaro charges at Jimmy, who dodges, and the Swiss native blasts the post with his shoulder. Dragon whip to Cesaro, and Jimmy tags in Jey. Jey comes in all-ablaze, hitting everything Swiss or emotionally abusive, and nails the former with a Samoan Drop. Samoan Wrecking Ball follows it up, with Kidd breaking up the pin; he tosses Jimmy out, tries to follow him and gets kicked in the face. Cesaro nearly rolls up Jey with his feet on the ropes; Jimmy pushes them off, distracting Cesaro long enough to get his face kicked in by Jey, then a Samoan Splash by Jimmy finishes the job for an Uso victory. Man, doesn’t Miz know he’s supposed to get his surprise-sex attempt in before the match is over?

Good match, once we got the Miz out of the way of the cameras. I don’t even care if Sandow’s out there with him; I wanted to watch the wrestling. Save the bullshit camera angles for anything involving midgets or…or…other midgets. 2.5 Stars.

Oh, speak of the walking lawsuit risk, and he shall appear. Miz and Sandow appear behind Naomi, and try to sweet-talk her. Naomi seems to think that this is about messing with Jimmy, which is a really naïve view for her to have. Miz continues to try to convince her, despite the fact he really doesn’t seem to know anything about the music industry, being just an awful actor. He then leaves without any kind of issue. Man, where was this kind of flirting when Sharmell was employed?

Aw man, Naomi and Jimmy Uso are having some drama backstage. Naomi calls herself a ‘strong woman’, even though she’s never even held the Divas Title, before leaving. Then the Usos have drama of their own. If this turns into a contest for Jimmy’s love, I’ll bet he’s going to pick the one he gets to have sex with, which is going to be an awkward conversation to have with his twin brother.

Oh, Now The Cameras Pay Attention To The Match?

Oh joy, it’s the Bellas. Well, at least it’s a match instead of anything involving a microphone, because I think Nikki Bella and John Cena promos on the same show are what aneurisms are made of. Also, love how the rewind shows that AJ, Paige, Nikki and Bella are able to stand beside each other with no kind of tension for an awards show. Maybe AJ being kissed by two of them, plus the husband and boyfriend of two of them, makes a difference.

Wow, AJ sort of gets around, doesn’t she?

AJ herself is on commentary; how long until all the Slammy winners stop carrying their trophies around? Also, I demand to see at least one photograph of Lesnar holding his (picture not valid if he is inserting or is about to insert it into a person’s body as a crude alternative to a safety deposit box). Nikki Bella will be facing Alicia Fox; let’s see if she remembers that she’s crazy this week.

The ladies lock up, with Nikki applying a headlock; Alicia shoots her off the ropes into a dropkick, then hits an armdrag. JBL and Michael start getting into tiff about the Fabulous Moolah, and that is probably preferable to calling a Bella match. Nikki hits a monkey flip, but Alicia lands on her feet in the corner; she leaps up onto the turnbuckle to avoid Nikki’s charge, but the champ slams a fist across her jaw, knocking her right out of the ring.

Referee starts the count, and remember how they were rebelling last week? Yeah, where did we get with that? Suplex from Nikki and JBL says ‘Regina George’, meaning he’s watched Mean Girls. Nikki wrenches Alicia’s arms back, but the occasionally-crazy-but-not-tonight girl fights back, only to get slammed back-first onto the mat. Another slam to Fox, and Nikki’s got the match well in hand, wrenching the arms again. Alicia manages to throw Nikki off her as Michael, JBL and AJ start bullying Tom. God, you have to feel sorry for the guy at some stage. Alicia drops Nikki with a backbreaker, then slams her head off the turnbuckle. Perfect Northern Lights suplex from Fox, who then gets a knee to the face, courtesy of the Girl Who Can’t Do Facial Expressions. Alicia dodges a charge, then misses a kick, and then eats a forearm. Rack Attack kills it.

Seriously, the best part about the match was the commentary. And I don’t mean just AJ: it was all actually pretty funny. I love it when they forget about morality and ethics and just insult each other and try not to laugh too loud. The match was fine; I tend to phase out during most stuff involving the Bellas. You understand. 2 Stars.

Nikki then decides to punish Alicia again with the Rack Attack. If I remember, like, two months ago correctly, AJ was in mini-feud with Fox, and so really shouldn’t give too much of a fuck.

We relive the Slammy Awards, because we all care so much about what the WWE says that we think, I guess?

Goldust Just Assumes It’s The Nation Of Domination Again

It’s a New Day again, and I swear Big E isn’t able to look happy without also looking horny or high. For all I know, he might be; whatever rocks your cock, dude. And he’s facing Goldust in a PPV preview for this Sunday. Stardust has stolen JBL’s hat and refuses to give it back, and if he’d done that before the bell rang this would already be a five star match.

Unfortunately, the bell rings then, and Goldust immediately begins hammering Big E into a corner; Big E tries to rush him, but eats a powerslam. DDT to Big E in a surprisingly aggressive start by the Bizarre One. Langston throws him off, then laces him with clotheslines and hits a belly-to-belly. He runs the ropes, but gets caught immediately by a powerslam. Big E reverses a Final Cut attempt from Goldust and tries the Big Ending, but Goldust slithers out to the apron, and then blocks Langston’s spear attempt with a knee. Goldust charges again, but this sends him right into a huge clothesline, followed up by the Big Ending for the three.

Decent, if quick. I’m adding half a star for hat shenanigans, because this is my article and not some kind of democracy. Weird to see an aggressive Goldust, especially against a powerhouse like Big E, but then I do like my expectations being subverted. 2.5 Stars.

Good God, we are flashing back to RAW like it featured the Second Coming. On that topic, some poor sweet Methodist lass tried to save me on a bus ride this Wednesday just gone; it’s a damn good thing my poker face is as good as it is, because when she came out with the line ‘and that’s why there’s no such thing as evolution’, my thoughts were so loud that I think the guy in front of me developed brief schizophrenia. And if you’re reading this article, Strangely Deep-Voiced Methodist Girl, when someone tells you that they’re a Roman Catholic, they might consider it slightly rude for you to hand them a pamphlet entitled ‘Are Roman Catholics Actually Christian?’ And they might rant about it a little and make fun of your vaguely mannish voice on their weekly wrestling review.

Because Titus O’Neil Is The Obvious Tune-Up To Rusev

Well, as karmic retribution for that little speech (do Roman Catholics believe in karma? I want to say we do), Titus O’Neil’s in the ring. Fine, I’ll go to confession. He’s wrestling Swagger, who’s still emotionally in pieces about Zeb being physically in pieces. Jack and Titus tussle for a moment, then Titus shoves Swagger, causing the All-American Real American to pummel him, finally knocking him out of the ring. Swagger stands in a precarious spot on the apron to kick Titus, and then pays for it as he gets hurled into the steel post. Back in the ring, O’Neil is in control, hitting a standing fallaway slam; doing that too much is going to destroy his lower back. O’Neil hits a boot to Swagger, and then tries for a side slam, only for Swagger to latch onto the ankle out of nowhere. That’s a nice reversal from Swangle, and the Patriot Lock causes the tap.

Another quick match, but I like that Swagger’s aggressiveness led to his mistake. He looks good, though I doubt Rusev’s first loss is going to be at his hands. 2 Stars.

Even as Swagger celebrates, Rusev and Lana manage to SUMMON THE FLAG whilst not being in or even near the ring. They come out on the stage to revel in their trolling, and Rusev raises the belt as if to say ‘look at this belt’.

Backstage, it looks like Dean Ambrose has either found or stolen a bunch of ladders and is standing underneath them. Is it, like, just one helping of bad luck or more and more for each undefined unit of time he stays under them for? He trashes Wyatt’s image of epic combat between the two, comparing it two dogs fighting each other. I’ve actually seen a dog fight, in Argentina; it gets boring kinda fast. And then you start gambling, and then you nearly starve and then you get guns pointed at you by smugglers and then you pay for a hotel entirely in breakfast cereal. Basically, Wyatt and Ambrose are going to fight, and I should never go abroad again.

Oh Man, Poor Harper…

It’s main event time, and it’s sort of sad to hear the commentary team try to sound enthusiastic about a stairs match. The competitors make their way to the ring and form up. Looks like Kane and Ziggler are going to start, and the Big Red Machine gets shot off the ropes, hitting a shoulder block to Dolph. They do it again, and this time Ziggler hits a dropkick and slams some fists into Kane. Tag to Rowan, who hits a big bodyslam, sending all the heels to the outside in a bitchy huff as we go to break.

When we come back, Rowan is pummelling Big Show; both men spill out to the outside and Redbeard misses a charge at Show to basically run right into the steel post. Genius, remember? In the ring, Big Show stands on Rowan for a bit, then tags in Kane to throw some big hands. Kane then tags in Harper, who applies a sleeper hold. Rowan does manage to break out, but Harper runs right over him, keeping the momentum in his team’s hands. Kane comes in and, yep, fucks it all up by running into a double clothesline.

Rowan manages to tag in Ziggler, who punishes Kane for being such a useless member of any team, organisation or Brotherhood of Destruction. Neckbreaker, just to make sure the lesson is learned, but a Fameasser is caught by Kane, who looks for a powerbomb, and then Ziggler hits a facebuster instead. A distraction from Harper allows Kane to regain control with a big boot for two as we go to another break.

As we return, Ziggler gets guillotined off the second rope by Harper, who tags in Kane. Chants for Ryback as Kane tries to suplex Ziggler, who slips out. Dolph takes Kane out with a dropkick to the knees, and then crawls across the ring to make the tag. Big Show, the new legal man, gets there first, dropping an elbow to Ziggler to stop him in his tracks. Remember when he just wanted to take care of his family? Me neither. Big Show charges at Dolph, but Ziggler hits a dropkick to the knees, sending the Giant flying across the ring. Both men down, centre of the ring (always wanted to say that).

Big Show tries to drag Ziggler back, then catches him for a chokeslam, but Dolph turns it into a sleeper hold! Big Show teases fading, only to hurl Dolph off him and hit the chokeslam…and Dolph kicks out! Can you say future world champ…again? Show winds up the fist, but Dolph ducks and hits the Zig-Zag on Big Show! Ryback starts a chant for himself, which is really selfish, and then gets the tag. Ryback starts destroying Harper, the legal man, who eats a spinebuster hard on the canvas. Kane breaks up the pin, and gets booted in the face by Rowan, who then gets taken out by a tackle courtesy of Big Show. Harper tries for a powerbomb in the ring, but takes a Meathook and then Shellshock: Ryback scores the win for his team.

Ryback may have got the win, but Ziggler was a star in this match. I refuse to believe this isn’t the definitive push, barring acts of supreme stupidity or injury. This match was just very good; a very nice advert for the PPV. 3 Stars.

Kane tries desperately to get the DQ, hitting Ryback with a chair, but is unfortunately too late, so it’s just a post-match beating. Rowan throws Big Show into the stairs on the outside, and Ziggler superkicks Kane to the ground. Ryback nails Kane with the chair as Rowan pushes the ladder into the ring. They run the ladder into Harper and Kane, knocking them out of the ring, and then Ziggler leaps off the ladder to take out all three heels! All speed ahead to the PPV!

Good show, from a go-home perspective. Matches all made sense and were mostly decent advertisements for this Sunday. I’m personally looking forward to it, but then it is quite a unique spectacle in this era. Who knows what we’re in for? Tonight gets an eight.

David’s Movie Recommendation: Ever seen Antichrist? Don’t watch Antichrist. Except watch Antichrist, but know that you’ll wish you hadn’t watched Antichrist. I feel like I can’t be more clear without ruining the shock value of this film, but…goddamn, if it is not the creepiest movie I have ever seen. Think the atmosphere of The Shining, but even more terrifying. I may be about to watch Antichrist again, and then start Facebook chatting Kue and BD because I don’t want to go to sleep tonight; get ready, boys.topstory120x120-|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-|topstory500x250

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WWE Friday Night Smackdown Features The Ascension Debut Vignette Video Sat, 13 Dec 2014 17:08:12 +0000 ascensionwwe

After a lengthy stint on NXT, the Ascension have been called up to the main WWE roster. They debuted with a vignette on Smackdown this week. Here is the video:

What do you think of their chances in the WWE tag division?
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WWE Friday Night Smackdown 12/12/2014 Preview [Non-Spoiler] Fri, 12 Dec 2014 08:26:33 +0000 WWE had Smackdown, which is the final show before the TLCS 2014 PPV on Sunday. We also have the full spoilers if you’d like.

The Usos (Jimmy & Jey) vs. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro

Alicia Fox vs. Nikki Bella

Jack Swagger vs. Titus O’Neil

Big E vs. Goldust

Ryback, Dolph Ziggler and Erick Rowan vs. Luke Harper, Big Show and Kane
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Complete WWE Friday Night Smackdown Taping Results for 12/12/2014 Plus Tribute to the Troops (Spoilers) Wed, 10 Dec 2014 05:47:16 +0000 There was a double taping tonight in Columbus, GA

They first taped Tribute To The Troops, which airs on 12/17 on USA and 12/27 on NBC:

Usos b Goldust & Stardust

John Cena & Hulk Hogan did a promo together thanking the troops. They worked with Miz and Mizdow as the heels.

Naomi & Emma & Natalya b Bella Twins & Paige in a Santa’s Helpers match

Jack Swagger did an interview. Rusev and Lana came out to confront him.

Dean Ambrose b Bray Wyatt in a Boot Camp match. Lots of weapons were used.

Cena & Dolph Ziggler & Erick Rowan & Ryback b Big Show & Luke Harper & Seth Rollins & Kane. The show ended with Hogan and the faces celebrating and waving the flag.

The show ended with a Florida Georgia Line performance.

Smackdown for Friday night

Usos b Tyson Kidd & Cesaro

They aired a vignette for The Ascension, so they really are coming.

Nikki Bella b Alicia Fox

Jack Swagger b Titus O’Neal

Big E b Goldust

John Cena came out for an interview. Seth Rollins interrupted as they pushed theri tables match.

Ryback & Dolph Ziggler & Erick Rowan b Luke Harper & Big Show & Kane when Ryback pinned Harper after the Shell shock. There was a big brawl involving tables, ladders and chairs.topstory120x120-|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-×250.jpg|topstory500x250

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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for December 5th 2014: You Have Nothing To Lose But Your Stripey Shirts Fri, 05 Dec 2014 23:39:06 +0000 What up, readers? After five years in academia, I graduated with my Masters degree in creative writing on Wednesday, which means that this will be the first SmackDown Report written by David Spain, M.A. Actually, this is one of two Masters degrees I have, so I’m technically David Spain, M.A.2 (or, if you like, David Spain, M.A.M.A, which just sounds godawfully Freudian). So, let us all hope that, in line with my academically-proven ability to write shit, that this show will be both high-brow and imbued with the sense of wonder and class that Dante Alighieri himself would weep to review.

Oh for fuck’s sake, it’s Santino Marella. And he’s the General Manager tonight? Go to hell, universe; go right to hell.

We recap RAW this past week, which I didn’t see, but I did read some rather wonderful reviews about it. Seems like WWE might actually have a back door out of a fourth Brock vs. Cena match, and that is the greatest Christmas present anyone could ever have given me. Michael Cole teases Tom for seemingly little-to-no reason, in line with his on-air persona as a bit of a dickhead.

Harper’s Just Giving Ziggler A Helping Hand

Dolph Ziggler shows up, and do you think he’s more surprised that this whole thing still appears to be going his way than we are? It’s another IC Title match against the champ, Harper, who shows up: the eyes on the titantron are creepy in an extremely surreal way. Last week, Ziggler won via count-out and then managed to reverse the post-match beating: that’s about as well as you can do without winning the title. Nasally Announcer does the BIG MATCH FEEL ring announcement, and let’s get this thing underway.

Harper drives Ziggler into the corner and hits some strikes, following it up by slamming his head against the turnbuckle. Ziggler twists away and hits some fists, but Harper powers right back into control, coming off the ropes to hit a shoulder block. He runs the ropes, catches a leap-frogging Ziggler, kicks out of a roll-up and dodges a dropkick. Stomp to the face of a downed Ziggler as we’re reminded that next week is the Slammy Awards: urgh in general to that sentiment. Dolph fights out of a suplex, hitting a neckbreaker and staying right on Harper. Luke Harper throws off a DDT attempt, knocking Ziggler right back down to the mat. It’s the champ’s ballgame right now, and a year ago, would we have thought that Harper holding a singles belt before Bray was likely? Harper is hung up on the ropes, but comes right back with a big boot, sending Ziggler off the apron to the floor.

Back from a commercial break, Harper has Dolph in a sleeper, but Ziggler manages to break the hold with a jawbreaker, and then dodges a charging Harper, sending the mountain man into the steel post, shoulder-first. Both men reach their feet, and Ziggler hits a standing dropkick, then a stinger splash into the corner; he ducks a boot and hits the DDT for two! The champ ducks away from the Fameasser, catches a superkick and hits one of his own for another near-fall! Harper measures Ziggler, charges and hits a big elbow in the corner. Dolph, however, manages to hit a Fameasser out of nowhere for two, then climbs up top, levelling Harper with a crossbody.

Both men down, and once up, Harper tries for a powerbomb; Ziggler rolls through for a cover and then hits a superkick for another two! Harper strikes with a kick as Ziggler raises him up, and apparently that connected to the little Ziggles for the DQ. Damn, Ziggler sells a low-blow like nobody else.

With Harper and Ziggler involved, you know this was going to be a great match. Their PPV bout could well be match of the night, and either man is a good choice to carry the championship. Everything works for me with this programme. 3 Stars.

Harper heads out of the ring and pulls out a ladder. Oh God, Ziggler and Swagger flashbacks; Ziggler and Swagger flashbacks! Harper sets the ladder down in the ring, then makes as if he’s about to powerbomb Ziggler on the ladder, but Ziggler reverses the attempt to, you know, sever his spine with a facebuster onto the ladder to stand tall once again. And apparently fuck the moral high ground, because he then tosses the ladder right out to smack Harper in the face again.

Oh hell, Santino comes out again. God, remember when he was the Milan Miracle? No? Oh, well…good, I guess. He then makes a ladder match for the title at the PPV. If these matches are decided by whatever the wrestlers pick up first, imagine if the ring crew just stocked dildos under there one week.


After a look at tag team turmoil from this Monday, we’re back with Seth Rollins, Kane, Big Show and J and J Security in the ring. Rollins says he hates Christmas, because we don’t have enough reasons to boo him, but he does like TLC. Although we also have a ‘Stairs Match’, whatever the fuck that is and for whatever reason. Seth’s meeting Cena in a Tables Match, and remember Sheamus winning the WWE Championship? No? Oh, well…good, I guess. Seth’s excited by taking things away from Cena, which along with the spandex confirms a lot of fanfictions as ‘creepily accurate’.

Rollins keeps clinging to the image of ‘demolition derby’, which doesn’t translate well to a British audience, as we don’t have those things (I also had to get Widro to explain just what in the hell “Thanksgiving” was earlier this week). Seth throws out the phrase ‘splinters in his butt’, and I’m not rewinding to hear any form of context, because at this stage it’s easier to assume that he’s some sort of colossal pervert. He hands the microphone to Big Show, before Rollins just talking violates the new UK pornography laws (apparently our government doesn’t believe in female ejaculation, which is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard). Big Show says this is his first Steel Stairs match, because it took until 2014 for someone with so stupid a suggestion inside of them to rise to a position of creative authority. Show then flails about with the stairs on the outside, demonstrating how godawful the match is going to be ahead of time. He says that playing classical guitar won’t prepare Erick Rowan for this match, and I honestly didn’t think that it would.

Kane then gets in on this, talking about Ryback in his strange, politician-y way. He’ll feed Ryback more…chairs! Santino then interrupts, and this show is so Marella-heavy I might just start drinking in some kind of mental escape attempt. He makes a match tonight for Rowan and Ryback vs. Show and Rollins. All I want really is for Santino to mistake Rusev for Koslov. Seriously, that is all I want from him.

We see Miz creepily hitting on Naomi (the “creepily” is not because of how he did it, but because he’s the Miz) backstage and then Jimmy Uso punching him right in the face: surprisingly hardcore-looking. Please tell me that this is going to end in Miz saying he wants to have that kind of bestiality sex with Naomi, because if so, then I’ll watch the hell out of this feud. Apparently Jey will be wrestling the Miz in Jimmy’s place, so way to be the Brie of that twinship, Jim.


Well, here’s Cesaro and Kidd in the ring; I guess I’m not complaining about that. And here’s the New Day, fresh off their victory over TBU last week. I also appreciate that other people apparently don’t know what Woods is supposed to bring to the team either. On RAW, the New Day took their first defeat, which damn sure didn’t take too long. It looks like they’ll be up against the Dust Brothers pretty soon, which is a clash of ideologies if I’ve ever heard of one. Woods and Kofi are up, and Xavier gets his arm wrenched by Cesaro, before reversing it and tagging Kingston in. Kofi tags Woods back in, and he clotheslines Cesaro.

The Swiss Superman manages to regain the momentum, tagging Kidd in. Woods’ PhD head gets rocked off the turnbuckle before Cesaro comes back in. Sleeper hold to Xavier, who gets thrown into the heel corner, dodges both men and tags in Kofi. Kingston is all ablaze, taking Kidd down left and right before hitting the Boom Drop. Kidd ducks Trouble in Paradise, takes the SOS and Cesaro breaks up the pin. Woods kicks Cesaro in the head; Kofi throws him out and rolls out of a back suplex. Xavier gets the tag; Kofi backbreakers Kidd and Woods finishes him off with a sick-looking stomp to the head.

I’m actually kind of glad the New Day don’t have an undefeated streak to protect; they can get right in and focus on the group. This match was pretty decent, even though I’d rather see Cesaro and Kidd get pushed (although not as a tag team: no no no). 2.5 Stars.

The Dust Brothers show up onscreen, and Bray’s definitely been hooking them up again. They say that darkness will fall on the New Day. Xavier gets surprisingly pissy at the babbling of two crackheads and gets all gospel preacher, followed by Kofi and Big E doing the same thing. Okay, Langston is either pretending to be a Superman villain or is horrendously aroused, but it’s entertaining so keep it coming.

Backstage, Naomi has received a bunch of fake-looking roses from Jimmy…oh snap; it was the Miz! And Jimmy throws them on the ground! On the bright side, we didn’t see that sitcom cliché where the guy goes ‘oh yeah, the flowers; I totally got them for you…'; on the darker side of things, Miz’s Angle-esque rape attempt is right around the corner, and even Sandow providing stunt-double/sign language for the deaf back-up to that scene will not make it in any way acceptable.

JBL defends the future-rapist before we have a look back at Zeb Coulter having been assaulted backstage and Jack Swagger thinking this is a good reason to repeat his programme from SummerSlam. Although I’d rather Swagger gave Rusev his first pinfall loss rather than Cena.

Shit’s All About That Rocking Chair Now

Ambrose shows up to the ring and takes the mic. He tells us he really enjoyed beating up that rocking chair; he says it gave him sick pleasure, and I’m not sure breaking a piece of furniture is the kind of edgy flavour the WWE should be looking into. I mean…Bray can probably buy another chair. Blah blah, destroy, blah, just get to the TLC match. Rusev and Lana shows up, and I can’t not love these guys ever since I saw this picture. Lana says that Rusev ain’t doing shit tonight and shows us a video: it’s Jack Swagger clutching Coulter as Zeb cries ‘don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!’ Um…ew? Oh, and Swagger beating up Rusev, which is less creepy. Lana says you’re all a country of opportunists and cowards and trigger-happy cops. Rusev goes off on one, and yet still sounds less weird than Big E Langston. Ambrose says he stopped listening a while back, and tells Lana to stop flirting with him; he’s not into that kind of bestiality sex. He’s going to fight Rusev, but Wyatt jumps him, demanding justice for his rocking chair.

Wyatt heads under the ring for a chair; Ambrose leaps on him, but Bray overpowers him and then goes to town on the furniture-destroying bastard with the steel. He ends it by slamming the chair off the stairs into Ambrose’s throat; he’d better not pull any of that stairs shit at the PPV, or Big Show and Rowan will be pretty pissed off. Some guys dressed as medics (what, you afraid of the truth?) get Ambrose on a stretcher as some referees back Wyatt away, yelling at him. Badass, ring officials, badass.

Honestly, What Is Maryse Thinking Right Now?

Miz and Sandmiz enter the ring, and Miz wants to know what the matter is with Jimmy. Is it insecurity? Jealousy? The ever-looming threat of non-consensual Miztercourse? He references Kim Kardashian’s naked and creepily-shiny photoshoot, which seems rather not family-friendly, and then suggests that his friend might be able to take nude photos of Naomi as well, and this is like every single one of those creepy Omegle conversations you hear about.

The Usos come down to the ring, and Jimmy sort of looks like he wants to peel Miz’s skin off with his teeth. But this is Jey’s fight for whatever reason; that makes Jimmy the little sister of this sibling team. Jimmy keeps trying to get into the ring, like Don Corleone just told him to ‘act like a man’. The ref boots him out, also like a man, and Miz and Jey get to it.

Miz hits a hip toss, and then a boot to the face and sleeper. Jey reverses into a sleeper of his own, gets shot into the corner, leapfrogs over Miz and hits a Samoan toss of his own. Michael is lampooning Miz, and do you remember when he thought of Miz like the son he never had? No? Oh, well…good, I guess. Miz avoids the Samoan Wrecking Ball, rolling onto the apron, but gets brought inside the hard way. And Sandmiz brings himself in the hard way, distracting Jey so Miz can hit the Skull-Crushing Finale for the win!

Okay, you know what? I often get pissy about distraction-wins, because it makes the wrestlers look seriously frickin’ dumb. But I don’t think any one of us would not be distracted by Sandmiz doing something like that, so I liked it. The passion that Jimmy put into the start of the match made it seem a little different than your average one-member-from-each-team match, which is another point in its favour. 2.5 Stars.

Oh Paige, Do I Miss You

Aw man, Naomi has to go out and wrestle after…oh, wait, it wasn’t her husband who lost just now. And she’s wrestling Brie Bella, and now that the Bellas have the title (no, it doesn’t matter which one) this company acts like it’s important? Bell rings, and Brie wrenches Naomi’s arm. Naomi gets shot off the ropes and takes Brie down, only to eat a dropkick from the second rope; the cameramen have decided that the match is less important than videoing the girls who aren’t wrestling, so bear with me.

Loving Naomi’s funky socks, I must say, and she eats at knee to the stomach, then the face. Chinlock gets fought out of by Naomi, but she takes a clothesline and gets put in another chinlock. Can’t decide whether AJ (on commentary) is crazy or is acting crazy, and I’ve just realised that all of these women are in a relationship or are married to their co-workers: office romance happens even if you don’t actually work in an office. Naomi takes Brie down a bunch of times, kips up and Brie escapes out of the ring to be with her sister, so Naomi baseball slides both of them. She heads up top; Nikki tries to distract her; AJ takes her out; Brie gets rolled up by Naomi and that’s three!

Well, the part of the match I actually saw was okay. Naomi’s a decent wrestler; I remember a time when I thought she might take the belt from AJ. The Bella Twins’ acting, facial expressions and general talking is pretty much the worst thing ever, and I’d really be happier if they could keep that stuff on Total Divas, which I do not review. 1.5 Stars for unhelpful camera angles and Brie’s inability to pout.

Santino’s backstage, and after the Bellas, I’ll take it. He seems to be getting to grips with the terrible burden that is politics, but then we pull out and he’s talking to the Bunny. Rabbits only have one thing on their minds, Santino (grass). Santino’s speech is actually pretty Airplane!-esque, so I’ll repeat this snippet: ‘your enemies, they become friends. Your friends? They become strangers. The people in catering? They become your third cousins twice removed.’ I giggled a little. He tells the Bunny to be careful what he wishes for, and not to touch his face. Okay…that was actually fine.

Seth Rollins is backstage, and he and Kane are trying to ensure that Big Show’s a team player. Big Show says that the three of them are really selfish, so team playing isn’t going to work, but all they need to care about is crushing Ryback and Rowan. Fairly pragmatic, big man.


Ryback, Rowan, Rollins and Big Show make their way to the ring, and we get to it. Rowan and Rollins start things off, with Rowan backing Seth into the corner and chopping him before bodily hurling him across the ring. He runs Rollins headfirst into the turnbuckle, and Rollins sprints away to the Big Show, although doesn’t tag out. They lock up again, and Erick backs Rollins into his corner, tagging in Ryback. Ryback remains in full control, taking Rollins from corner to corner, but Seth leapfrogs over him and takes back the momentum for a few strikes, and then Ryback bulls his way back, charging at Seth before running right into a nice dropkick. We go to break as Ryback lies there, dazed.

Back from the commercial break, Big Show has tagged in and has the match firmly in hand, keeping Ryback either floored or in retreat. Rowan, that goddamn genius, stands pretty much slack-jawed on the apron. Big Show tries for a chokeslam, but Ryback lunges away, tagging in Rowan. The Red-Bearded one hits Show three times before he goes down, then goes right through Mercury and Noble on the outside before Big Show flattens him. In the ring, Rowan is down, and Rollins gets the tag, taking it to the former Wyatt Family member. JBL and Michael make some darkly comedic remarks about the fate of the Spanish Announce Table at TLC, and Rowan tries to rally, but Rollins hits a kick, managing to tag in Big Show.

The Giant is in complete control, trash-talking Rowan before hitting a huge DDT. He stands on Rowan’s head, and then bodyslams him to the mat before missing an elbow drop. Crowd’s chanting ‘Feed Me More’ as Rowan crawls towards the Big Guy, and Ryback and Rollins get the tag simultaneously. Ryback is all over Seth, before Rollins tries to roll the Big Guy up, only for Ryback to hold the ropes and send Rollins rollin’ away. Clothesline to the Seth misses, and Rollins manages to turn a sideslam into a crucifix pin! Ryback charges; Rollins drop-toeholds him into the turnbuckle. A springboard towards Ryback misses, and the Big Guy hits a huge bodyslam for two!

Looks like it’s time to FINISH IT, and Ryback hauls Rollins up for Shell Shock, only for Mercury and Noble to get up on the apron; Ryback sends them right back down to the floor. Rollins tries for a roll-up, and then hits a superkick for another near-fall. Curb Stomp misses, but Ryback’s spinebuster connects. He calls for the Meathook, but pauses to knock Kane’s ass off the apron, and then turns into Rollins’ ‘Whatever The Fuck That’s Called’ kick. Kane tries to get in the ring, but the referee is fed the fuck up with the Big Red DQ Risk ending matches prematurely, and he boots him! These refs are like GODS tonight! More refs rally to that referee’s cause, and it’s like a zebra-costumed Les Miserables! Seth Rollins gets a tag, but the referee didn’t see it, and declares Big Show not to be the legal man! Up is down! Black is white, meaning that the referee’s shirts are still correctly colour coded! Big Show might cry again! Rowan boots Big Show down to the floor! Ryback levels Rollins with the Meathook! Shell Shock gets the win!

Wow, that got totally wild towards the end. I mean, I think I got a little carried away with my total love for the referees, but they have been badasses for the majority of this show. Shit, that ending deserves 3 Stars.

Apparently Joey Mercury is able to carry Rollins on his shoulders whilst running. Wow, badasses all up in this bitch. And then Tom ruins it by saying ‘tables, ladders, chairs and stairs!‘ Fuck you, Tom; I hope Miz starts feeling an inordinate amount of lust towards you.

This was a fun show, and I say that knowing full well that the first thing we saw of it was Santino Marella’s stupid, stupid face. But they even managed to make one of his segments funny. Whatever McMahon might say, and even with the absence of Bryan, Punk and Del Rio, the current roster is capable of good, even great matches, and that showed tonight. Eight.

I know I usually finish the review with a movie recommendation, partly because I love writing and watching movies and partly because that whole ‘WWE-themed sex positions’ shtick was good for, like four weeks at best. But this week, in honour of creative writing-related activities, I’m going to take things in a literary direction. I’m currently taking a break from re-reading Lord of the Rings (and thinking ‘shit, people here are way nicer than that bunch in Westeros’) and have found myself in possession of a novel called After My Own Heart by Sophia Blackwell, which really is an incredible read. So, rather than my usual recommendation of almost-pornographic European movies (I’m not sure if I’ve recommended those yet, but if not, they’re on their way) and films you’ve already seen (I mean, if you haven’t already watched Sunshine then I don’t think I can help you any more), I’m recommending this novel and linking it so y’all can just click instead of typing, like a goddamn animal. And that’s the last time I’ll do this until my own bloody stuff starts getting published *drops mic*.topstory120x120-|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-|topstory500x250

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WWE Friday Night Smackdown Preview 12/05/2014 [Non-Spoiler] Fri, 05 Dec 2014 15:47:34 +0000 Smackdown was taped in Oklahoma City, and will have Santino Marella as the GM for the night. What does he have planned?

WWE Intercontinental Title
Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler

The New Day vs. Tyson Kidd & Cesaro

The Miz vs. Jey Uso

Brie Bella vs. Naomi

The Big Show & Seth Rollins vs. Ryback & Erick Rowan

Of course, you can also check out the results in the Smackdown Spoilers
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Complete WWE Friday Night Smackdown Results for 12/05/2014 (Spoilers) Wed, 03 Dec 2014 18:31:30 +0000 Notes from tonight’s tapings in Oklahoma City:

Santino Marella is the G.M. for the night to promote Jingle All The Way 2.

Dolph Ziggler b Luke Harper via DQ in an IC title match for a low blow. After the match, Harper tried a power bomb on the ladder, but Ziggler turned it into a facebuster. Marella then announced he was doing a title rematch on the PPV in a ladder match.

They do a video on The Authority, just counting down until John Cena brings them back.

Seth Rollins, Kane, Big Show, Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble came out. They all talked about their TLC matches. Kane said he was going to feed Ryback chair shot after chair shot. Marella came out and announced Ryback & Rowan vs. Show & Kane as the main event.

Xaiver Woods & Kofi Kingston b Tyson Kidd & Cesaro. They look to be doing a program with Goldust & Stardust vs. The New Day

Naomi recieved flowers. Jimmy Uso saw her with the flowers and was mad because he didn’t send them. It was Miz sending them, apologizing for Jimmy being mad. Jimmy took the flowers and threw the vase on the floor.

Dean Ambrose did a promo about how much he enjoyed detroying the rocking chair on Raw. Ambrose said the mind games are over. Lana & Rusev then came out. Lana said Rusev will not face Ambrose tonight because Americans try to intimidate foreigners. Rusev cut a promo about Jack Swagger, saying he’ll do to Swagger when he did to Zeb Colter. Ambrose ended up then gettnig into it with Wyatt. They went back and forth until Wyatt hit him in the throat with a chair and hit him with another chair shot and left him laying. Ambrose went out on a stretcher.

The Miz b Jey Uso with the skull crushing finale when Mizdow distracted Jey.

Naomi b Brie Bella with a schoolgirl. Nikki tried to help Brie, but AJ stopped Nikki.

Ryback & Rowan b Rollins & Show when Ryback pinned Rollins with shell shock.
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WWE News: Dean Ambrose Match For Smackdown, Main Event, Host For Raw 12/08/2014 Tue, 02 Dec 2014 04:43:37 +0000 WWE announced two matches for the Smackdown tapings tomorrow night in Oklahoma City.

The Main Event show for the WWE Network will feature The Miz vs. Jimmy Uso, stemming from the angle on Raw where The Miz hit on Naomi.

In addition, Dean Ambrose vs. Rusev is scheduled to headline the Smackdown show itself.

Finally, WWE announced that Seth Green will be the guest host of Raw next week for the Slammy awards episode.
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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for November 28th 2014: It’s A New Day Sat, 29 Nov 2014 22:01:39 +0000 Holy hell, that was a day and a half. If I didn’t have that mate tea, I most likely wouldn’t have made it home; I haven’t used that phrase since Argentina. Still, I’m home now, with my pizza and wine, as any good Friday should be spent (although not Good Friday, which is spent awkwardly thanking and apologising to Jesus for the crazy shit he alleges for have done).

We get a Sting promo, but years of SmackDown being treated just a little bit better than an abused child has taught me not to expect an appearance.

I’m proved to be totes right, because Miz is in the ring. Sandmiz is with him, and as Miz is making a Randy Orton-esque fashion choice using both title belts, Sandmiz is using toy ones. Heh. Miz brags about his victory, and he and Sandow duel cheers briefly. Oh, and Miz is interviewing Big Show, so it’s like a ring full of people I couldn’t care less about. And Sandow. Big Show’s betrayal gets called a ‘shocking moment’ by the commentary team, but it’s really at the stage now when I start a timer going once Show makes a face/heel turn and see how long it takes him to go back. I mean, he’s got gigantism, not multiple personalities.

We recap RAW, and I actually enjoyed Erick Rowan kicking Big Show’s ass; that might be internal anger at the fact that we’re all apparently supposed to be surprised that Show turned heel. Oh, and apparently Cena’s knickers are in a twist about that whole thing. You know, it would be interesting if they tried to keep Big Show as a partway-sympathetic figure during this storyline, due to his easy-to-empathise-with motivations, but I firmly believe that the WWE would reveal that he was an ex-Nazi if they thought it might fly.

Thankfully, before we get too into this, Daniel Bryan shows up and gives us something to be thankful for. Say, when’s he going to comment on the fact that his girlfriend is a manipulative, evil ho-bag? Because it seems like that might be an important feature in his life. Bryan says that he’s got something to say; he asks the WWE whether they’re ready for Daniel Bryan’s SmackDown, and they chant ‘yes’. He’s running the show tonight, and puts Ryback in a match against Rollins and makes a title match between Harper and Ziggler. Miz interrupts, and remember how Daniel Bryan used to be his rookie in NXT? Big Show makes a vague threat, and I’m pretty sure that if Bryan knocked Cena’s ass out, he could probably murder Big Show before any security guards got there. But instead Bryan makes a twenty-man battle royal for the US Title, featuring Big Show, Erick Rowan, Miz and Mizdow. Do you know how difficult these things are to cover?

Isn’t Any Easier To Write About A Battle Royal When You’re Drunk

Lot of athletes who have no reason to hold the US Championship in the ring; surely no foreshadowing there. Bell rings and the brawl ensues. Justin Gabriel and Sin Cara get thrown out, then Rowan eliminates Heath Slater. Curtis Axel gets punched right out; nice to see he’s not suffered through losing Ryback. Rusev’s dealing with Swagger, and Rose gets eliminated, then both Matadores get tossed by Big Show. Fast eliminations here, and then Rowan and Big Show face off. Rowan manages to back Big Show into a corner, squashes him twice and then clotheslines him out of the ring! Momentum doesn’t last long, as Rusev tosses him out right afterwards. Lot of guys try to toss Rusev, but good luck, midcard.

Back from our commercial break, most of the guys whose names you’d actually know are still there. Miz actually defends Sandmiz from Cesaro in a move that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but is still pretty sweet. Michael Cole says he ‘can’t wait to read the Miz’s unauthorised autobiography’, which is the social equivalent of saying ‘I can’t wait to cook and eat a toddler’ to my mind. The Miz gets low-bridged by the Dust Brothers, and Mizdow imitates him, thus being the first man to get eliminated due to contractual obligation. The Dust brothers are eliminated by Swagger, who is then taken down by Cesaro. Titus O’Neil eliminates Jimmy Uso; Jey returns the favour, then gets eliminated very nicely by Tyson Kidd, who nearly eliminates Cesaro to follow up.

Swagger, Kidd, Cesaro and Rusev remain, and hell yeah for a decent finish. Kidd and Cesaro go after Swagger, along with Rusev, but Jack Swagger is thankful for being a badass and deals with those bitches. He throws Kidd and Rusev into Cesaro in the corner, takes Rusev down with a throw and pops both Cesaro and Kidd with a fist. Swagger Bomb to Rusev, and then Cesaro tries to eliminate Swagger, only to nearly get thrown out himself. Kidd’s eliminated by Swagger! Cesaro nearly tosses Swagger out, but Rusev’s lying in wait. The Bulgarian charges, almost eliminating Swagger; Cesaro throws Rusev over the top rope and nearly eliminates him! Swagger backdops Cesaro over the top rope, and gets kicked out by Rusev.

The full-ring element really could have been skipped; the final four men were the entire reason to watch this match and benefited. Swagger got to be the American Hero; Tyson Kidd got to play with the big boys some more; Cesaro nearly got the badass elimination on Rusev and Rusev refused to recite the Pledge of Allegiance and then blasted through the consequences. 3 Stars, entirely for the action at the end.

Backstage, apparently Kane is selling merchandise to kids, without collecting any money. So…he’s donating gifts to children? What a sweet guy. And then Santino Marella shows up to bully this kind-hearted giant, like a fuck.

We get what I think is another Sting promo, but nope: Bray Wyatt’s in the house. Although that does make me wonder about a Sting/Wyatt feud. It’s a TLC match at…TLC, and apparently the French would call that match a ‘match de Tables, Échelles et Chaises’, which is hauntingly beautiful. Bray gets on the mic, and spews macabre poetry about Dean Ambrose, implying that the two of them both belong in hell. He also uses the word ‘euphoric’, and I let the hat and the facial hair slide, but don’t you bring that neckbeard shit into this house, Bray Wyatt. Wyatt starts repeating ‘tables, ladders and chairs’, receiving an ‘oh my!’ response from the crowd: hah. Bray actually does reference this, so that’s another point to him. He makes the vague prophecy of, more or less, ‘I’m going to kick your ass’ and we cut out.

See, This Is Why The Wine

Oh hell, it’s the Bellas. And Nikki Bella’s facing Emma. Wow, maybe we can have more lesbian kisses; I mean, why else would we watch women wrestle? Nikki tosses Emma to the mat, but gets rolled up for one. Nikki goes back on the attack, powerfully throwing Emma onto the floor. Emma dodges a charge from Nikki and does manage to lock in the Tarantula, making me fondly remember the days of the Cruiserweight Championship. Emma then spanks Nikki, and that seems like way better offence than, I don’t know, kicking her in the back of the head or something. In the interests of gender equality, one of Bray Wyatt’s opponents now has to cup his balls mid-spider walk. Admittedly, the spank Emma then gives Nikki’s face was pretty badass, but the Bella twin shuts her right down with a kick from the second rope. Rack Attack strikes for the win.

The commentators called it ‘impressive’, which isn’t entirely or even a little bit true. Still, in a less-than-perfect world, I could see Nikki as champ. I don’t want to, but with her power moves, she has a better claim than some in the Divas division. Match gets 1.5 Stars.

Nikki gets on the mic, and goddamn it, I just watched her wrestle and now this bullshit? She says it’s time everyone knows the truth about AJ Lee. Nikki says that she’s worked harder, and sex with Cena is probably more energetic than with Punk. I mean…I don’t want to think about it, but I assume. And I sort of want you all to think about it.

AJ has heard enough, which I think is true for everyone watching and was from the moment Nikki said her first word. She rushes the ring and takes out Brie, who bails along with Nikki.

We see that the merchandise stand backstage is destroyed. Kane’s probably back to electrocuting testes already.

 Ryback’s Still Sore About Those Shield Run-Ins, I Guess

Ryback and Rollins make their way out to the ring, and this should be a good match. Both men lock up, and Ryback shoves Rollins to the ground. Seth manages to cinch in a headlock, gets shot off the ropes; we play move-counter-move for a moment and it ends in Rollins getting driven into the mat. Seth rolls out of the ring. Back inside, Rollins gets some shots in on Ryback, but is thrown into the corner and chopped around the ring. He hits a kick to Ryback’s stomach and chops him, but this just pisses the Big Guy off, and he chops Rollins to the mat. He charges Rollins in the corner, but Seth dodges and Ryback blasts the turnbuckle so hard he falls out of the ring

Rollins smells blood in the water, and works Ryback over on the outside. Inside, Seth hits a running forearm into the corner, and stays on Ryback, keeping him grounded with a beautiful dropkick. Facelock to Ryback; he tries to drive Rollins into the corner, but gets rolled up and thrown face-first into the turnbuckle. Seth goes up high and drops a fist right to the Big Guy’s face. He then dives from the second rope, only to get caught and slammed to the mat. Ryback follows him out of the ring, but Mercury distracts him for long enough that Rollins is able to hurl him into the steps.

When we come back to the action, Seth has Ryback in a headlock, with the Big Guy trying to break out of it, eventually doing so with a slam. Ryback winds up for the Meathook, but Seth rolls onto the apron; Ryback tries to bring him back in with a suplex; Rollins avoids contact and charges, but gets massively backdropped in return. Ryback raises him up in a powerbomb; Rollins slips out and hits a kick to the side of Ryback’s head, stunning him. A superkick to the face gets two as J and J Security scold the referee. Seth stalks Ryback, launching himself at him, only to miss and sprawl over the corner. Ryback tries to hit Shellshock from the second rope, only for Rollins to manage to attempt a rolling powerbomb! Mercury distracts the referee as Noble breaks Ryback’s grip, and Ryback gets powerbombed into the corner. Rollins runs into press, slides out and gets hurled out onto Mercury and Noble! Spinebuster in the ring, then a Meathook! Shellshock attempted, but Kane rushes the ring with a chair for the DQ.

Kane really is that DQ guy, isn’t he? Still, that match was very enjoyable; Rollins’ combination of athleticism and power leaves you in no doubt that he’s something very special, and to my mind the most valuable player WWE holds right now. 3 Stars.

Ryback ducks the chair and hits a spinebuster to Kane, because like fuck he’s taking that sort of sauce from a merchandise salesman. He grabs the chair, but Rollins grabs it too, and the distraction is enough for Kane to hit a boot. Seth hands Kane the chair and leaves as Kane wails on Ryback with the steel. Chokeslam finishes the assault, making you wonder if Kane murdered any of his fellow merchandise employees this past week.

It Feels Like James Brown Should Be Here, Dressed As A Priest

Titus O’Neil, Heath Slater and Curtis Axel, henceforth named ‘Total Bitches United’ are in the ring, awaiting their opponents. And…it’s a New Day? Wait…we’re doing this on SmackDown? Haha…fuck you, RAW. Langston, Kingston and Woods make their cheerful way to the ring, and let’s see what this whole thing is all about. I mean, it’s a cult, right? It’s most definitely a cult. You’re not that cheerful unless you’re in a cult, even via drugs.

Woods starts with Axel, and gets his arm locked, only to flip Axel over. Kingston comes in, hitting a stomp to Axel’s arm and tags in Woods before both men hit boots to the face. Langston comes in and hits the Warrior Splash to Axel, then takes a rag out of his leotard and wipes off his face; okay, I sort of enjoyed that. Back with Xavier Woods, and Langston wheelbarrow-splashes him onto Axel.

Finally Slater distracts Woods long enough that Axel can hit a dropkick, cutting off the New Day’s momentum. Slater comes in to hit some stomps, and then O’Neil comes in, pissed off that he didn’t get asked to join this group. Axel’s back in, and Xavier rolls out of a back suplex and hits an enzuigiri, allowing him to get the tag to Kofi. Kofi hits each member of TBU, rocking Slater’s jaw with a dropkick. Crossbody from the top rope nearly gets three, but Axel breaks up the pin. Langston makes him pay for it with a belly-to-belly, as Woods low-bridges Titus. Slater dives for Kofi, who leaps over him, leaving Slater to slide right out of the ring. Kofi gets hurled by Langston to the outside, taking out all of TBU. In the ring, Xavier and Big E hit…fuck it, you’re going to have to watch that for yourselves to decide what it was, but it looked damn decent. Three count and the New Day picks up their first win.

Fine, I’m impressed. All three guys are talented, and they’re using a system similar to the Shield: power guy, high flyer and some other role (really haven’t seen Woods wrestle enough to know). Tom actually mentioned that during the match, and I really hope they emphasise that with this team. Funnily enough, a thirteen year old David Spain created a three-man stable with that exact same idea on one of the early SmackDown games, and they buried everyone. 2.5 Stars.

Manically cheerful celebration from those guys; I swear, it’s a matter of time until their matches basically become that church scene from Blues Brothers. And I swear, I would be totally okay with it. JBL says he wants to call security on the New Day, which is sort of racist of him.

Backstage, the Dust Brothers have clearly stolen Adam Rose’s stash again. Or, more likely, Bray stole it and is giving out free samples to anyone he thinks is the ‘right people’.

Dolph Ziggler: Moral Victor

Main event time, and it’s Harper vs. Ziggler for the Intercontinental Championship. Both men show up to the ring, with Harper’s crazy eyes clearly indicating that Bray believes him to be the ‘right people’. And yay, we still have that ring announcer whose voice I hate, which is a bad quality in a ring announcer. We get the BIG MATCH FEEL introductions, and THE BELT RAISE, and away we go.

Go-behind and a roll-up by Dolph and that’s three! Hah, no, not really, but can you imagine? Neckbreaker by Ziggler, but Harper gets on the apron and tries to suplex Dolph to the outside, only to get dropkicked to the floor. Quick break to be reminded to try wrestling anywhere that isn’t at home or a school, and when we come back, Ziggler has just hurled Harper’s face into the ring post. Back in the ring, Ziggler hits a big crossbody, but Harper throws him face-first into the turnbuckle to kill the momentum. Ziggler reverses a suplex, but gets a straight uppercut right into the face to knock his ass down.

Sleeper hold now, and Dolph breaks out with a jawbreaker, dodges a charge and hits a volley of clotheslines, then a neckbreaker. Big elbow to the chest for a two count, then a fameasser, which is reversed, but then reversed again by Dolph into a roll-up for two! Huge DDT leaves Harper stunned and reeling, and that gets another near-fall. Dolph and Luke rise; the superkick misses; the big boot misses; a sidewalk slam attempt by Harper gets turned into another roll-up, then a side-slam finally stops Dolph in his tracks. Powerbomb looks likely, but Ziggler hits a facebuster, then a fameasser for the nearest fall yet.

Ziggler climbs high, but Harper knocks the ropes to catch him; a big boot and a sit-out powerbomb nearly finishes things, but Ziggler gets his shoulder up at the last second. On the outside, Dolph’s hurled over the announce table and roughed up by the big bearded one. JBL starts saying that Harper doesn’t want to be disqualified, but then realises and says ‘…he’ll walk out with that championship’. Bradshaw, ladies and gentlemen. Ziggler looks like he’s about to rush into the ring at eight, but then hits a superkick to Harper, managing to get into the ring by ten, leaving Harper outside for the count-out victory.

Ziggler got in serious offence. We’ve seen a couple of potential pushes, and I have to believe that this is going to be the one which sticks; Dolph’s never looked better, even when he was world champion. He was practically dominating this match, and that was no bad thing in terms of watchability. Looking forward to a PPV, considering what we’ve seen both men do in that environment. 2.5 Stars.

Harper hits the dick move surprise attack after the match, then licks his belt. Ick, that’s been on Cody Rhodes’ waist. He stalks Ziggler, and tries to blast him with the gold, but Dolph ducks and hits the Zig-Zag! God, I don’t know if I want Ziggler to get the belt back and keep the title relevant, or to move onto better things. All I know is, loving how he’s doing.

Well, they barely mentioned Thanksgiving, which made my premeditated and alcoholic defence a little unnecessary. Show was good: Daniel Bryan, three enjoyable matches, plus a debut on SmackDown; what more does a show need? Eight.

David Spain’s Movie Recommendation: So I recently watched Amélie again, because that’s the film that got me into French cinema, before my university’s film studies course got their shots in (although they got me to watch Singing in the Rain, so fair play to them). It’s been extremely instructive in my screenplay-writing, and the entire tone of the movie makes for a really cheerful evening. Check it out if you haven’t seen it.topstory120x120-|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-|topstory500x250

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A New Day Debuts on WWE SmackDown – What do YOU Think? Sat, 29 Nov 2014 05:01:55 +0000 Check out the debut of A New Day on Friday Night SmackDown! and tell us YOUR thoughts on the newest WWE faction in the comments section below!

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Complete WWE Friday Night Smackdown Results for November 28, 2014 (Spoilers) Wed, 26 Nov 2014 08:16:03 +0000 Notes from tonight’s Smackdown tapings in Fort Wayne, IN:

They opened the show with Miz TV. Daniel Bryan was General Manager for two nights only apparently. He opened announcing Seth Rollins vs. Ryback, Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler for the IC title and because Rusev didn’t do the pledge of allegiance, there would be a 20 man Battle Royal for the U.S. title.

Rusev retained the title in the Battle Royal. It was mostly prelim and mid-level guys. The biggest names were Big Show, Erick Rowan, Miz & Mizdow and Cesaro. The last two were Rusev and Swagger with Rusev throwing him out to win.

Bray Wyatt did a promo. Emma came out and then they went to a Big E New Day clip.

Nikki Bella b Emma. Nikki cut a promo on A.J. after the match. A.J. attacked Brie Bella at ringside.

Ryback b Seth Rollins via DQ when Kane interfered and hit Ryback with a chair. Long match. Kane gave Ryback a beating with the chair since this was the angle to set up a Kane vs. Ryback chair match on PPV.

Big E & Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods b Heath Slater & Titus O’Neil & Curtis Axel

Daniel Bryan did an interview. He announced Kane vs. Ryback’s match for the PPV. He was asked if he would be back soon, and started chanting “Yes.”

Dolph Ziggler b Luke Harper via count out in the IC title match. Harper tried to attack Ziggler with a belt shot after, but Ziggler ducked it and hit the Zig Zag.

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HTC Wrestling Pulsecast: Survivor Series Preview & Our Personal Dream Teams Sun, 23 Nov 2014 16:35:40 +0000 HTC Wrestling Pulsecast

Justin Czerwonka, Matt Harrak & Cameron Dougharty preview the 2014 WWE Survivor Series, give their predictions and present their own “dream” 5-man Survivor Series teams.


Matt’s Survivor Series Team:

Matt Survivor Series Team

Justin’s Survivor Series Team:

Justin Survivor Series Team

Cam’s Survivor Series Team:

Cam Survivor Series Team


Survivor Series 2014 PosterWWE Survivor Series 2014 Predictions:

Alicia Fox, Natalya, Naomi & Emma vs. Paige, Cameron, Summer Rae & Layla (Divas Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Tag Team Match)Matt: Paige’s Team (Paige sole Survivor)

Justin: Paige’s Team (Paige sole Survivor)

Cam: Paige’s Team (Paige sole Survivor)


WWE Tag Team Champions Gold & Stardust vs. The Miz & Damien Mizdow vs. Los Matadores vs. The Usos (Fatal 4-Way Match)Matt: Gold & Stardust

Justin: The Miz & Damien Mizdow

Cam: Gold & Stardust


Divas Champion AJ Lee vs. Nikki BellaMatt: Nikki Bella

Justin: Nikki Bella

Cam: AJ Lee


Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt

Matt: Bray Wyatt

Justin: Dean Ambrose via DQ

Cam: Dean Ambrose via DQ


Team Cena vs. Team Authority (Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Tag Team Match)

Matt: Team Authority

Justin: Team Cena

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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for November 21st 2014: Last Time You’ll See (TBA) On SmackDown Fri, 21 Nov 2014 22:14:16 +0000 What-ho, mothermuffins. It’s me, your friendly British recapper…guy, taking a break from being actually incredibly productive in the area of household chores to review some SmackDown. And but two days away from Survivor Series, we shall see what last acts shall affect the main event this Sunday.

We get a promo which is basically the Authority going ‘look how goddamn awesome and smart we are’, which is sort of hard to accept if you’ve watched Game of Thrones. Or The Godfather. Or Breaking Bad. Or Adventure Time. I mean, I feel sort of happy about those two characters existing solely in the wrestling business, because in anything approaching the real world, they’re already dead. As we go through this whole self-masturbation thing (isn’t it automatically self-masturbation, unless otherwise qualified?) I get some green tea, because at the ripe old age of twenty-three, I feel like I need to secure some sort of immortality via what I put into my body.

Oh Lord, it’s Michael Cole in the middle of the ring. Unless they’re presenting him as an offering to Brock Lesnar (Lesnar consumes or uses every part of the sacrifice), then this isn’t going to be good. And he brings out Triple H, so there goes that cannibalistic, sodomy-flavoured dream. I’m also pretty sure that Michael Cole and Triple H aren’t allowed to talk to each other whilst wearing pants (I’m also pretty sure I invented that rule and it has never been observed). Michael waxes depressed about the fact that their nude-below-the-waist interviews might never happen again, and Triple H tells him not even to go there (a man needs some comforts). Michael’s claws come out as he tells Hunter that we all hate him; this is the bitchiest wrestling-assisted break-up ever.

Triple H asks if Cole thinks our opinion matters; he claims that we are in a symbiotic relationship with him, but then seems to place himself in a parental role above us. Shit’s getting Freudian all up in here. Michael then berates Triple H’s management skills, which is sort of fair considering that Triple H started out as a wrestler, not a manger. He’s like the American Dream. Trips then claims that he outlasted more popular wrestlers than him, because he’s smarter than them, and what that means is he knows how to seduce a powerful woman in the workplace during a period of high and faux-romantic contact. And apparently this makes him a constant: eternal. The Alpha and the Omega.

Cole points out that if Team Authority loses, Hunter will be gone on Monday. Triple H then praises Vince McMahon, saying that the WWE exists today because of Vinnie Mac, and that only two people can take his place: Shane McMahon and Paul Heyman. No, wait, Steph and Trips. He says without them, the WWE will die, despite being the Comcast of the wrestling world. Michael then says ‘fine, so what happens if you guys win?’ Triple H invites Team Cena to the ring as he plays a segment of an interview between their captain and Michael Cole.

Team Cena shows up, using Dolph Ziggler’s theme music: suck it, Ryback. We see a segment showing that Cena knows he’s got the others in a sticky situation, and that means they’ve got to win. Hunter then says that when Team Cena loses, everyone on that team is fired. But considering John Cena has managed to spit on every stipulation and contract ever imposed on him, I’m pretty sure they’re going to be fine.

Rusev’s music hits, and he walks past Team Cena…who for some reason do not grab hold of him and break all four of his limbs. Which, let’s face it, is probably higher-priority now that their jobs depend on them rendering him unable to defend himself this Sunday. Seriously, if I was on either team, I would have sixteen tonne weights suspended throughout the entire arena and have littered the locker room with bear traps. Containing actual bears, so the bears are uber-pissed.

Moral Of This Story? Break A Man’s Limbs While You Have The Chance

We come back to witness Dolph Ziggler sacrificing himself to ensure that Cena hands Rusev his first pinfall loss. What a team player. Rusev pushes Ziggler back on the ropes and punches him. Dolph plays duck-around and manages to land a couple of blows on Rusev, but runs into a back-elbow. Stomp stomp stomp to Ziggler, but he comes back with fists and a dropkick, only for Rusev to come right back and knock his ass down. According to Michael, John Cena is sitting at home right now; show up to your job, you lazy fuck. And also, Cena doesn’t get fired if Team Authority wins. I’d make a Cena-protected joke, but I think WWE beat me to it. Ziggler hangs Rusev up on the ropes, and knocks him down to the ground, but when he follows him out Dolph gets flung into the steel steps.

We get a promo to advertise what a badass the Big Show is, which makes it seem unlikely that he’s getting fired. When we come back, Ziggler’s in a sleeper, but escapes with a jawbreaker. Rusev runs into the turnbuckle, nearly gets rolled up, then again. He catches Dolph with a fallaway slam, but Ziggler rolls out of it and hits a superkick for a two-count. Also, JBL seems to think that no member of Team Cena has any money set aside, and has no chance of getting another job, which is kind of something coming from the millionaire ex-wrestler on commentary. Stinger splash to Rusev, then some punches before Rusev pushes him away. Massive spinning heel kick to take Dolph’s head off, but Dolph nearly hits the Zig-Zag; Rusev throws him off and flattens him against the ropes. He drags Ziggler to the centre of the ring and tries to apply the Accolade, but Dolph scoots out and scores with the Zig-Zag! Rusev kicks out after a long struggle to get the pin. Fameasser’s blocked; the DDT’s blocked; the big Bulgarian (not Russian, Michael) hits the superkick for the win.

I liked this match. Ziggler is believable as a guy who can knock off the big guys; similar to Seth Rollins and CM Punk. Nice back and forth 2.5 Stars.

Post-match, the Accolade is applied, because Rusev actually recognises the value of crippling your future opponent before a fight. Later tonight, Big Show and Ryback will take on Kane and Seth Rollins.

Backstage, Kane is on the phone to, let’s face it, no-one, but then hangs up when someone we don’t see (probably no-one as well) knocks on the door.

We see a ‘New Day’ promo; apparently they’re coming on Monday, but who cares about that when a main event thing could be happening too?

Kane is still backstage, and apparently the person at the door (although not on the phone) was Antonio Cesaro. He seems to be like the guy who’s not really on the team, but still hangs around with the team, of Team Authority; he’s the Scrappy Doo is what he is. Kane seems to be fairly open-handed with giving orders to the guy who, let’s face it, should have his spot on the Team. Cesaro exits with the line ‘long live the Authority'; dude, this is not Nazi Germany. Also, I thought the Swiss were perennially neutral. Like, that and chocolate is their thing. And clocks?

Man, The Things This Match Would Do To Me If I Suffered From Clinical Depression

God, I hate that whole happy/sad feeling of seeing Sandmiz and Miz. More sad, at the moment, because of that Grumpy Cat bullshit. I mean…there have to be depths that WWE will not stoop; there have to be dicks they will not suck. So far, they’re still looking for them. Oh, and hell, they’re facing Los Matadores. So…I’m not going to be reviewing this. I’m calling in my one-use-per-year thing where I tell you guys to review the match instead of me. Funnily enough, I’m sure the last time I did this was due to a Matadores match as well. Make of that what you will. You know the drill: review the match for me and submit said-review via the comments section. I’ll be here, sipping my ginger tea (I’m going to live forever).

What I got from that, aside from the fact that the WWE thinks my blood contains too little alcohol, is that we’re having a fatal four-way match for the tag titles at Survivor Series. Fair enough; I miss the Wyatts.

Dean Ambrose shows up, making his twitchy way to the ring. He says that he’s not the average WWE superstar, and says he doesn’t care about any of the psychological disorders he has; he’s just going to survive. He tells us a story involving his mother, a twenty dollar bill and group of older guys; definitely not what you think. Basically, Mrs Ambrose gave a pair of brass knuckles to a child, which is piss-poor parenting. Also, you’d think brass knuckles would have been a good thing to have on you if you thought Bray Wyatt was going to jump you. I imagine, after enough concussions, he’d get the message. He says he’s going to put Wyatt down, whereas Wyatt has said he wants to fix Dean. Lot of animal metaphors going on here.

Bray shows on the screen, and apparently he’s in prison. Holy shit, did they finally go after him for assault charges? He pretends to be Dean’s dad, which is sort of weird considering that he’s younger that Ambrose. He says he’s going to leave Dean drowning in a pool of his own filth: that’s what my parents say will happen to me. Creepy Wyatt schtick abound.

AJ Acts The Bellas Acting Better Than The Bellas Actually Act

Brie and Nikki are in the ring, and I’m starting to regret using my once-a-year avoidance ticket already. Then Nikki’s music hits again, and AJ is dressed as Nikki. Nikki’s far more pissed than someone should be about this, but it’s Brie who’ll be fighting AJ. They circle each other, as Nikki fumes on the outside. AJ dodges a charge, but then Brie hits a waistlock takedown; AJ gets Brie in her headlock and takes her over. Kick to Brie’s midsection; AJ runs into a back elbow and gets her face rocked off the turnbuckle; AJ manages to reverse it, returning the favour. At one point, she smacks Brie’s head into her breasts, which surely should hurt AJ more than Brie. Ever seen a woman get hit in the boob? Drops them.

Punches to the face of Brie, then AJ takes out her falsies (oh, continuity) and hits Brie with them. Okay, surely that’s use of a foreign object. Unless you’re making the point that things women do to themselves to conform to a male-dominated ideal are actually part of their body. Man, I did not think a side-effect of that English degree would be me to spot the feminist reading in professional wrestling. Brie gets AJ into single-leg Boston crab. AJ reaches the ropes, then applies a front facelock. Brie forces a break by smashing AJ into the corner, but then runs into a pair of knees. Clothesline takes down Brie, then a neckbreaker for two.

Brie manages to hit a dropkick, then a knee to the face, then her ‘BRIE MODE!!’ missile dropkick for two. Nikki gets up on the apron to yell ‘finish her’ at Brie. AJ, inner geek awakened by the Mortal Kombat reference, shoves Brie into Nikki and rolls up Nikki.

I usually don’t love endings which happen because one person can’t control their rabid, ravaging stupidity. However, this is Nikki Bella, and according to rumours I might soon have to be subjected to her godawful acting and barely-passable wrestling more than I already am. So I’m sort of fine with it. Match was pretty meh. 2 Stars.

Nikki attacks Brie after the match. See, this is okay as long as they don’t try to display Brie as a strong role model for women during this gimmick. I mean…I’m sure they will; it’s the WWE handling anything involving women.

In other news, apparently getting World’s Strongest Slammed through a table can totes fuck up your nerves. Sheamus is out for an indeterminate length of time; who’s going to be the new number one contender for Rusev’s title?

Can We Please Secure The Rights To Duelling Banjos?

Well, it’s time to see what Rowan can do against an opponent of Cesaro’s calibre. I’m interested, because one of Cesaro’s many pros is that he brings out the best in whoever he wrestles. I currently have no idea what Rowan’s motivation is; if it turns out that Harper used to non-consensually sodomise him, I would believe it in a second. Apparently Cena’s punishment if his team loses will be getting tortured until he quits. In other words, will be offered many more opportunities to out-underdog himself whilst kicking out of everything short of a nuclear strike. Poor bastard.

Cesaro slaps the mask off Rowan’s face and goes on the attack, but Rowan just hurls him out of the ring. Headbutt to Cesaro on the outside. Back in the ring, Cesaro hits a shoulder to Rowan on the apron, but Rowan slugs him. Cesaro hits a dropkick and more strikes, but it’s the FRISKY BEARHUG! Cesaro nearly gets a roll-up; Rowan hauls him up to his feet, but Cesaro hits headbutts and then runs into a bodyslam.

On the outside, Cesaro hangs Rowan up on the ropes, then applies a sleeper. Erick backs him into a corner, then runs into a boot. Cesaro goes up high, but gets brought back down and hit with a shoulder block. Pumphandle backbreaker sends Cesaro reeling, then it’s the Torture Rack for the win.

Huh, that was pretty interesting. Lots of back and forth, which you know I’m fond of, and Erick Rowan looks like a threat. I remember saying I was interested in him when the Wyatts first got here, but I sort of abandoned him after getting to know Harper and Bray better. Let’s see what he does this Sunday. 2.5 Stars.

Harper comes out, staring at his possible ex-sodomy slave (I’m sticking to my story), and approaches the ring. Wow, it’s going to be like a wedding in the Deep South. Ah, no, Harper pussies out, then pussies in, and then pussies out again. I’d call it ‘mind games’ but, you know…Harper and Rowan.

Backstage, Big Show is talking to Ryback and Dolph Ziggler. Not sure what about; the sound’s off. So…probably AJ’s Bella cosplay.

When we get back from the break, Renee Young’s joined them, as has Erick Rowan, and she asks them about Survivor Series. Please, Renee, you’re interrupting a very serious conversation about boobies. She asks them if they think the firing thing is fair. Wow, Renee, how neutral of you. Big Show’s fired up and says that they’re not going to back down. They’re going to finish it. Ryback says he knew this was coming, which is fairly far-sighted of him. Ziggler gets all mopey about the IC Title; apparently now he has nothing to lose. Okay, suicide-watch that guy right now. Erick Rowan was doing a Rubix Cube through that whole thing, and Renee actually interviews him. He just says…‘freedom’. Um…that was a fairly emotional moment.

Wow, actually.

WWE: Blood And Sand

It’s main event time. Kane and Seth Rollins get to the ring, followed by Ryback and Big Show. The ring announcer then states that Rowan and Ziggler are banned from ringside. I mean…that would probably be more impactful if they’d been there already, but whatever.

Ryback starts off against Rollins, and this is for costing me the title, you greasy fucker, thinks Ryback, as he throws Seth all around the ring. Rollins bails fast, then comes back in to pound on Ryback before he takes a Thesz Press. Tag to Big Show, who nails Rollins with a chop, and then another. Headbutt to Rollins, and then Show walks over him. Tag to Ryback, who continues to smash the shit out of Seth some more, only for Seth to fire back with some chops, which are totally ineffective. Wow, I am seriously enjoying this ass-whupping. Ryback runs into a kick, but Rollins leaps into a bodyslam. Kane tries to get involved, and Ryback kicks his ass back down to the floor, then hurls Rollins over the top rope onto him.

Triple H’s music hits, and what, a man in his forties is going to fight Ryback? Oh, and he’s brought his team. Fucking wuss. Seriously, where the hell is Cena?

Back from the break, Kane is now getting his ass kicked, but does score on a DDT to Big Show. Rollins comes in, hitting a tonne of kicks, but when he pins the Giant, the kick-out sends him out of the ring. He comes right back, levelling Show with some punches. Kane comes in, keeping Big Show grounded and applying a sleeper. Big Show fires back up, hitting a back suplex and tagging in Ryback. Rollins also comes in and starts getting put right through the mill by the Big Guy. Team Authority is driven into a frenzy at this display of dominance, and falls on Big Show, attacking him from the DQ.

This was actually a nice example of how the teams might play out. I also like the fact that this sort of was some comeuppance for Rollins, especially from two guys who just sort of dislike him. Good advert for Survivor Series. 2.5 Stars.

Rollins tries to hit Curb Stomp, but Ryback dodges, and nearly hits Shell-Shock. Noble and Mercury run in, and get clotheslined for their trouble, and Rollins gets a spinebuster. Mercury and Noble come right back: how the hell did these guys not win more titles? They stomp Ryback down, only for Ziggler to make the save…and get booted by Harper. Rowan approaches now, booting Henry down and clotheslining Rusev like they were nothing. Holy shit. Rowan enters the ring and has a scream-off with Harper, before Kane chokeslams Erick. Ryback spinebusters Kane and gets the fuck clotheslined out of him. Ziggler hits the Zig-Zag to Harper, then gets superkicked by Rusev and World’s Strongest Slammed by Henry: his nerves!

Team Authority continue to dick it all over Team Cena, but suddenly Big Show is on the outside, bellowing in defiance or rage or hunger. The Roar apparently gets everyone’s attention, and he chops, punches and clotheslines the shit out of everyone until Triple H attacks him with a chair and Rollins hits the Curb Stomp. Wow, so you guys had them at seven-to-four odds, but you still needed Triple H plus a steel chair? Team Authority are fucking dead men walking. Steel chair injections for every member of Team Cena, and apparently yes, they actually needed a forty-something year old guy to help. Damn, this is actually pretty brutal. This is that shanking scene from Superman Returns brutal. Triple H ends things with a Pedigree, on SmackDown. That’s like getting birthday sex on a not-birthday.

See, none of this would have happened if the WWE locker room had banded together and crippled Triple H and his wife. But you didn’t want to listen to me, did you?

This was a pretty awesome SmackDown. Match quality was okay, but the real beauty of it was the atmosphere: it was a calm-before-the-storm episode and we saw the beginning of the storm as it ended. Excited for Survivor Series, without a doubt. Eight.

David’s Movie Recommendation: This is never going to be one of my favourite films, but I have a certain affection for The Tourist. Johnny Depp and Angeline Jolie star, plus Paul Bettany and Timothy ‘James Bond’ Dalton are in it as well. It’s an interesting movie: enjoyable, but it’s never going to blow you away and it’s not really trying to. Still, worth a watch.topstory120x120-|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-|topstory500x250

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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for November 14th 2014: Ryback Rules Sat, 15 Nov 2014 22:04:09 +0000 Happy Friday, folks. It’s Friday night, which means (for a few more months, at least) it’s time to write up the SmackDown Report. And is it odd that all I want is more Adam Rose and Tyson Kidd antics? That was my favourite part of last week’s episode, but then it’s possible I’m the tiniest bit of a sociopath.

We begin by recapping the Liverpool-based RAW from Monday, with Ryback being too cool for all y’all. His badass points which, I’ll freely admit, I’d thought gone forever, have definitely been regained. And can we just all talk about what an awful employee Kane is? How many times now has he screwed up what he was supposed to be doing, or failed to keep his cool? And they give away a slot on the Authority team to this guy? I’d actually be happy if they brought back Jamie Noble for some cruiserweight shenanigans. Oh, and Luke Harper apparently disdains doorbells in favour of throwing midcard champs into rooms instead: the fuck kind of etiquette did Chez Wyatt have?

We’re still in Liverpool, which is some piss-poor progress through these sceptred isles. And the German announce team is here, bound to fall victim to some icy British politeness at some point this evening. Jericho’s music hits, and it’s never even a surprise when he shows up anymore. Admittedly, the Highlight Reel layout was set up, so there was a clue this time. Jericho manages to get back-to-back chants for the Bunny and Funaki, then introduces the Authority. Lot of hate for these two as they make their way to the ring. And I’ve read and watched too much Mafia literature and media, but it really does seem like this would be the perfect time for Team Cena to quickly strike and hospitalise these two ahead of Survivor Series.

Jericho asks them why they wanted to be on the Highlight Reel, and Stephanie can’t help herself from being a bitch, as usual. She says she wants to give people what they want, and then makes the claim that we ‘respect’ the superstars and divas. Um…moving on… Steph says they’re being made to fight for what they believe in, and asks where Superman would be without Lex Luthor. Well…there’d be a few more people on earth, I imagine. Less horrible stuff would have happened. I don’t know if Luthor’s still the president, but that situation might be a little better. I mean…I’ve read The Dark Knight Strikes Again, and it seems to me that the entire Justice League would have done pretty well minus Lex Luthor. Honestly? Fuck Lex Luthor. Steph asks who could run the WWE except the Authority, and personally I’d like to see what Paul Heyman could do with that kind of budget, roster and technology; I’d much prefer it to Cena’s idea that the WWE Universe being in control. I mean…it really does seem like if Team Cena wins, we’ve sort of automatically been behind a coup d’état. Jericho’s idea of how the WWE runs appears to extend to exactly who licks boots (literally, not figuratively), cleans toilets and gets thrown into pools of mud, which indicates that he is not someone we want in our government once we take the helm.

Finally Trips gets mad that we’re all watching his wife getting covered in mud on a big screen. To be honest, I’d be a little annoyed as well. He says the Authority doesn’t need anyone’s acceptance, and that Team Authority is going to tear through Team Cena. According to my girlfriend, whose university course is currently teaching her how to perpetuate a genocide (and I really wish I was joking or stretching the truth there), this is the absolute worst way for the Authority to remain in control. What Adam Rose is doing, conversely, is spot on. That’s right: Adam Rose honestly is the most likely WWE Superstar to perpetuate a successful genocide. Jericho mocks the Authority with the time-honoured song ‘Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na­ Hey Hey Goodbye’ as they leave the ring.

Michael Cole says he likes the WWE by democracy, and careful, Cole. Democracy is next to People Power…cracy. He says he might get a raise if the WWE fans are in charge, and if we do gain control of the WWE State, comrades, I will ensure permanent detention for anyone who suggests that Michael Cole gets paid more money. Following the WWE Universe’s rise to power, Michael Cole will be first up against the wall.

I Think We’re All Realising Just How Much Emotional Support Ambrose Was Receiving From Reigns And Rollins

Here’s Bray Wyatt, to an oddly negative perception. Apparently his new form of evil is laughing about parental abandonment. I mean…dickish, sure, but evil? He’s up against Sin Cara, and uppercuts him right in the mask. Headbutt and a hard-looking clothesline. Cara gets thrown into the corner, but boots Bray in the face and hits a springboard crossbody. Kick to the head sends Bray reeling; Wyatt ducks a senton from the top rope and cannons right into Sin Cara. Cara’s sent into the corner, and is squashed by Bray, who the suplex-tosses him and does his spiderwalk (Sin Cara was barely conscious and didn’t react, so totally acceptable). Sister Abigail ends it.

Decent. Sin Cara’s offence was pretty gutsy; Bray was still definitely dominant and the spiderwalk wasn’t an invitation to get punted in the dick. 2.5 Stars.

Post-match, Wyatt gets on the microphone and plays councillor. Apparently Dean Ambrose received darkness for Christmas, which is a cool-sounding present. He keeps yelling ‘let me fix you, Dean’, and apparently Ambrose doesn’t care for the implication that he needs to be spayed and/or neutered, and approaches the ring. Brya slips out of the ring, and actually continues to mock Ambrose: that’s relatively new. He yells that Dean is predictable, because he reacts to being taunted like most other superstars. And…holy shit, he actually got into the ring with Dean, who slugs him. Bray ducks out again, and walks away, still on the microphone. Loving this whole thing.

Doubleplus Rosebud

Here’s the Dust Brothers, our tag team champions. And facing them…oh fuck yes, it’s my favourite autocratic dictator and the Bunny version of Winston Smith. Apparently on Main Event, the Bunny proved his loyalty and belief to the Rosebud State by distracting Stardust and allowing Rose to pick up the win. Because it’s not enough in a police state to be passive: one must actively work for the betterment of the state. Seriously, this is accidentally a study in dystopian politics.

Rose locks up with Goldust, who runs the ropes before getting hip-tossed. Rose doesn’t tag in the Bunny when asked, and Goldust takes control, tagging in Stardust, who hits hard and fast before tagging out again. Tag Team Champs on the offence right now, but Rose punches his way out of a headlock; he runs the ropes until he and Goldust run into each other.

Stardust and the Bunny tag in, and the Bunny kicks the hell out of Stardust. Rose wants the tag, but the Bunny goes up top, only to be distracted by Adam Rose’s tag-wanting. He eventually dives onto Stardust, who manages to get his knees up and hit…whatever we’re calling that finisher. Adam Rose could not give less of a shit as the Bunny gets pinned.

Very glad we didn’t feed the Champs to this storyline, as much as I love the thing itself. Also nice to see Rose actually wrestle on one of these shows as opposed to just dancing with his drug-induced spirit animals. 2 Stars.

Oh shit, I think the Bunny’s going to Room 101. Although as I’ve decided that this is more of a Brave New World thing, I think that means he gets sent to a colony full of people also unable to adjust to Adam Rose’s Rosebud State. Or has an orgy and hangs himself, possibly. Actually, he just gets Party Foul’d by Adam Rose, and 1984 would be a way better book if Room 101 had just contained Adam Rose.

The Rosebuds are dancing again, because they want to disassociate themselves from the Bunny and show their loyalty and fervour for the Rosebud State. JBL denounces the Bunny as a ‘bad egg’, because Adam Rose owns the media. Does writing this make me a revolutionary?

Dolph Ziggler is backstage with Not-Renee, and they look back at the really shitty month that our Intercontinental Champ has had, although that includes moments of him slamming a cage door against Kane’s skull. And Stephanie McMahon’s very-badly-acted ‘surprised’ emotion. Not-Renee asks about him having to defend the title in a Triple-Threat Elimination match tonight against Cesaro and Tyson Kidd, somehow without using the phrase ‘fucking awesome’. Ziggler is quite serious, stating that whatever happens, he’s staying on Team Cena; the clock is ticking for the Authority.

Ryback promo, skipping over his more interesting tweets. And Not-Renee is busy tonight, now asking Ryback if he’s on Team Cena. Ryback says he’s only on Team Ryback; whatever, Treebeard. He keeps chuckling after every sentence, which is already pissing me off. But hell if the guy doesn’t come across as a badass, and that’s what’s really important.

How Is This The Authority Being Evil?

Poor Tyson Kidd gets a jobber’s entrance to go along with his shitty marriage. Cesaro and Ziggler show up, and I’m still charmed by Dolph wearing the belt backwards. This should be an excellent match, considering the elements, and I almost wish I was less drunk (just got back from a family party; nobody doesn’t drink at our family parties). Whiney McNasal announces everyone once they’re in the ring: BIG MATCH FEEL. I don’t know if it’s the beard or the gains, but Cesaro looks hella pumped, brah. My guess, right now, is Tyson Kidd is our first elimination.

As I type that, Cesaro and Ziggler shove Kidd away for daring to interrupt their stare-down, and Cesaro boots Ziggler and throws Kidd. Stomp to Ziggler’s back; Kidd kicks Cesaro and rolls up Ziggler for two. Backslide to Kidd, and everyone trades pinning combinations and do you know how difficult this is to cover? Cesaro clotheslines Kidd; Ziggler dropkicks Cesaro and drops the elbow to Kidd.

Back from the break, Ziggler and Kidd try to suplex Cesaro, who suplexes them right the fuck back. Double underhook powerbomb to Ziggler, followed up by the springboard elbow from Kidd, before he gets gutwrenched by Cesaro for two. Cesaro charges at Ziggler, who dodges (sending Cesaro to blast the turnbuckle) and Fameassers Kidd for two. Ziggler gets crotched onto the top rope by Cesaro, who follows him up and tries for a back superplex. Dolph fights him back down; Tyson hits a dropkick to Cesaro’s back, prompting Dolph to fall into a Tree of Woe and eat another dropkick to the face. T-Bone suplex to Kidd from Cesaro, then an uppercut in the corner for two. Ziggler crossbodies Cesaro from the top, then hits stinger splashes to both men, then a neckbreaker/DDT to both simultaneously!

Tyson is sent off the ropes, but comes back with a spinning neckbreaker for two. He heads up high, but eats an uppercut whilst up there. Superplex attempt by Cesaro, but Ziggler joins him, and…okay, Kidd sunset-flip-powerbombed Cesaro, who superplexed Ziggler. Holy fuck. Tyson locks in the Sharpshooter! Cesaro actually tries to pin Dolph whilst in the hold for two! Cesaro kicks Kidd right out of the ring, then uppercuts Dolph! Kidd springboards at Cesaro, who somehow turns that into a backbreaker for two!

Back from the break, Cesaro drops an elbow to Ziggler, then takes a diving neckbreaker from Kidd, and Ziggler raises the knees into Cesaro’s back. Kidd locks the Sharpshooter in on Dolph, and then Cesaro adds the crossbreaker; Kidd then tries to apply the Sharpshooter to Cesaro, who reverses that into the Cesaro Swing! DDT to a dizzy Cesaro for two! Third ‘This Is Awesome’ chant of the match! Fameasser reversed; he gets thrown into a kick from Kidd, then eats a German suplex for two! Cesaro knocks Tyson to the floor, measures Ziggler, tries to uppercut him, takes the Zig-Zag! Kidd throws Dolph out of the ring and gets the pin!

Kidd celebrates, and then focuses on Ziggler. Baseball slide into headscissors, sending Dolph into the steps. Ziggler’s thrown into the barricade, then Tyson kicks him right in the face for two. Kidd chokes Dolph on the ropes and tries to hit a leg-drop, only to get rolled up for two. Fisherman’s suplex reversed; Zig-Zag countered; spinning neckbreaker hits for two! Fourth ‘This Is Awesome’ chant, in one match. Springboard from Kidd, right into a superkick, for two! Kick to Dolph’s head, and locks in the Sharpshooter again; Ziggler rolls through: Zig-Zag and the three!

Five Stars. No Doubt. Five Stars. Holy shit.

Tense Dinner Conversation In The Kidd Household Tonight

Looks like Natalya and Tyson have their separate interests as a couple. Well…both interests are ‘wrestling’, but they do it separately. And Nat will be facing Layla, the hometown girl seeing as how Paige isn’t here. Nat wrenches Layla’s arm; Layla reverses it and Natalya rolls through; Layla gets a nice pin, but nearly gets put in the Sharpshooter. Punch right to Natalya’s face, and she pays it back. Layla runs into a back elbow, but then immediately kicks Nat in the face to knock her out of the ring. Natalya isn’t moving until the last second: just enough time for me to worry that something went wrong, but does get back into the ring.

Layla scissors Natalya’s neck, then her stomach. Front facelock with the legs wrapped around the stomach, but Natalya powers up, only for Layla to slam the back of her head off the mat. Natalya catches a kick and slams Layla, hitting a kick of her own to the face; Layla kicks her out of the ring again. Natalya takes this as an opportunity to slap Summer Rae and to throw Layla into her before getting Layla back into the ring. She takes a kick, but powers straight through into the Sharpshooter for the win.

Decent and hard-hitting match; Layla has been impressive in the ring lately, particularly the pin attempt in the opening moments. 2.5 Stars.

Backstage, Not-Renee is having a busy night indeed, as he runs into Dean Ambrose; Ambrose says that Wyatt’s playing games, and then Bray’s right there, this new game apparently called ‘beat the shit out of Dean Ambrose’. He Sister Abigails him against the wall and skedaddles. What a card.

Feed Him More

Here’s Kane, about to get eaten alive by Ryback. The Authority is right there with him, and shake hands with the commentators for some reason. I’d actually be pretty happy if Ryback didn’t get involved in the Survivor Series match, and this was his way of telling everyone to leave him alone.

Kane and Ryback lock up, and Ryback forces Kane back; Kane twists Ryback around into the corner, then headlocks him. Ryback breaks out of that, and levels Kane. Ryback goes on the attack, but eats an uppercut and reels enough for Kane to gain the advantage. Clothesline in the corner, but Ryback pays Kane back in kind. Michael is bitching about the Authority, and I really want Trips and Steph to turn to him and say ‘you do know we can hear you, right?’

Suplex attempt from Kane, and Ryback reverses with a suplex of his own, clotheslining Kane out of the ring. Thesz Press to Kane, then a Warrior Splash. Ryback tries to go for the Meathook, but Kane cuts him off with the big boot.

Bodyslam by Kane for two, then an uppercut. Apparently Steph actually asked Michael why he’s being so negative, so they can hear him. Ryback’s thrown hard into the corner, then takes a boot to the face again. Kane tries to choke Ryback, who turns that into a slam, but Kane then reverses the Warrior Splash, getting his boots up. He hits a dropkick to the downed Ryback, still in control. Kane runs into an elbow, and Ryback builds momentum now, hitting a shoulder tackle. Splash from the second rope to Kane; Kane tries a chokeslam and Ryback hits a spinning bodyslam like it was nothing. This time the Meathook connects, flooring Kane hard; Ryback wants to finish it, but Kane slides out of Shellshock.

Ryback clotheslines Kane out of the ring, but the Big Red Machine drags him out there with him, driving him back-first into the apron and then hurling him into the steel post. Kane then picks up a steel chair, which just means he knows, deep-down, he’s a fucking pussy. Steel chair to the ribs gets the DQ.

How many matches has Kane ended in disqualification: either his own, or other people’s? With the possible exception of Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury, he’s the least-threatening member of the Authority; he is definitely the bitch of the five-man team.

Chair assault continues on the outside as the Authority applauds, and then carries on in the ring. Triple H calls Kane over to give him some instruction, which is most likely: ‘hit him with the chair again, Kane! Multiple times!’, so seems unnecessary. Ryback spinebusters Kane, making Trips the wrestling equivalent of a micromanager. Instead of even bothering to hit Shellshock, Ryback just fucks Kane over with the chair, like a boss. He stares down Hunter, daring The Game to get in the ring so he can tear his quad out and feast upon it. Triple H looks him dead in the eye, and that closes the show.

I liked this week. The triple-threat match alone was perfection, and there was plenty else to enjoy. Ryback seems to have picked up where he never should have left off, and I just pray they can keep him away from Cena this time. Nice Divas match too; good show scores nine.

I couldn’t resist writing this; I’m far too invested in this Adam Rose thing for my own good. Well, for better or worse, here it is:

‘You asked me once,’ said O’Brien, ‘what was in Room 101. I told you that you knew the answer already. Everyone knows it. The thing that is in Room 101 is the worst thing in the world.’

The door opened again. A guard came in, leading another person into the room behind him. Because of the position in which O’Brien was standing, Winston could not see who this new arrival was.

‘The worst thing in the world,’ said O’Brien, ‘varies from individual to individual. It may be burial alive, or death by fire, or by drowning, or by impalement, or fifty other deaths. There are cases where it is some quite trivial thing, not even fatal.’

He had moved a little to one side, so that Winston had a better view of the figure that had joined them. He was a tall, muscular man, with long, brown hair falling about his shoulders. He wore no shirt, even though the room itself was, to Winston, bitterly cold, but what was truly unusual about the man was his eyes. Although they were three or four metres away from him, Winston could see the wideness of them; the jittering movement. The fevered stare and fixed grin of a man in the grip of some potent hallucinogenic. He spread his arms out wide, gazing wildly at Winston.

‘Don’t be a lemon,’ he intoned, his grin widening. ‘Be a rosebud.’

‘In your case,’ said O’Brien, as if the man had not spoken, ‘the worst thing in the world happens to be Adam Rose.’

David’s Movie Recommendation: Gangster No.1 is a strange, almost over-simplistic movie. You keep waiting for the twist to happen before realising that there never was one. Maybe it’s the brutal realism that appeals to me, or the fact that Paul Bettany playing a fucking psychopath is hellishly good value for money. Plus, the entire thing’s narrated by Malcolm McDowell, and could actually be a sequel for A Clockwork Orange if you think too much about it. Give it a go.topstory120x120-|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-|topstory500x250

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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for November 7th 2014: Halloween Was Last Week Sat, 08 Nov 2014 18:41:12 +0000 Yo yo yo, you crazy kids. It’s Friday night, which means it’s time for me to write the SmackDown Report, although that may or may not also occasionally take place on Saturday night, or Sunday morning. What’s it got to do with you anyway, man? Can’t a guy spend Friday night taking the edge off? Pouring himself a fine Irish whiskey and watching Adventure Time? You’re not my parents, dude.


Anyway, we’re in Albany, which years of watching WWE tells me is in New York. And people say this show isn’t educational. Because, let’s face it, it is not.

When Your Only Other Teams Are Los Matadores and Miz2

Looks like we’re kicking of SmackDown with a cage championship match. You know, feels like a main event sort of thing, but what do I know? I don’t run a business which is so desperate for money that about two thirds of its programming is advertising for itself or other products. But hey, tag team cage championship match. So…let’s do it.

God, that new announcer has a shrill, nasally voice. And Cody is either totally committed to his character or has just snorted a metric assload of cocaine; either way, I’ll watch it. Wait…wait, it’s not a tornado tag match? Inside a steel cage? You know, I had a whole rant written out about that, but no. No, I’m going to do what some parents do to their unruly, screaming kids, and not dignify bullshit with a response. Yet.

Jimmy or Jey starts off against Stardust or some crackhead who dressed as Stardust for Halloween and is now in way over his head one week later. Chops to Stardust, then a big uppercut from Jey. There’s an escape attempt, and then a stand-off. So…what, if neither illegal man goes back to his corner, they can get DQ’d, right? I mean, I assume that’s why both of them are standing there doing nothing. Goldust tags in, slamming some Uso skull against the turnbuckle, but his Irish whip gets reversed and he gets backdropped. Jimmy comes in now, knocking Dust down with a chop and flipping onto him. Goldust does fight back, hitting the Rhodes Uppercut, but gets slammed face-first into the cage for a two-count. Goldust struggles out of an armlock, and manages to duck a crossbody, leaving Jimmy to smash right into the steel, and then turns him inside out with a huge clothesline as we head to the commercial break.

Back to the action, and Stardust is slamming Jimmy’s back against the steel, tagging Goldust in to rake the Samoan’s face against the chain links. Jimmy manages to turn another attempt to smash him into the cage into a near-escape, but Goldust catches him with an electric chair drop. Jimmy gets placed onto the turnbuckle as the announce team fellate the WWE Network to the point of workplace harassment. Goldust gets knocked back down to the floor, and Jimmy hits a corkscrew moonsault to the Bizarre One. Both men are down, but Jimmy gets the tag, as does Stardust. Jimmy is all over his opponent, with strikes and a Samoan Drop. Goldust tries to interfere, but gets a taste of the steel. Samoan Wrecking Ball to Goldust; Stardust almost eats Uso ass, but manages to counter with a sitout pin for a near-fall. He gets sent into the steel and takes a dropkick; Goldust hurls Jimmy into the steel, and then takes a superkick from Jey! Stardust hits Crossrhodes, but Jey kicks out at two!

Stardust is amazed at the kick-out, and decides climbing out’s a good move, but Jey manages to grab his leg, keeping him up there. Goldust boots Jimmy down, and those two head up to the turnbuckle as well. Stardust gets headbutted to the canvas; Jimmy superplexes Goldust and Jey nails Goldust with the Samoan Splash, but Stardust rolls Jey up for the win.

Decent match, but a good combination was dealt a poor hand with the ridiculous tagging premise and a finish we’ve seen used before. I’m starting to yearn for the end of this feud; Henry and Big Show should have taken the belts and been the huge mountain for the Usos to climb. 2 Stars.

We recap RAW, which was basically Randy Orton going from ‘fucking awesome’ to ‘injured, but still fucking awesome’. I actually like this Orton turn, because he’s now not just that guy they can throw into a match they need someone to get booed in. He’s always been at his most entertaining (for me) when he wants to kick the shit out of someone but will settle for whoever he runs into first, and I only wish he could have a match with Lesnar where he could bring this much ferocity. Seriously: WWE did something I’m happy about, and also made Rusev the US Champion (except they get no credit for that because they put the match on the Network; that was actually the first time I’ve ever typed ‘Sheamus vs.’ into the YouTube search bar before, and I felt dirty doing it). It’s been a decent week.

Kane shows up to the ring with the difficult task of rationalising the maiming of an employee whilst being yelled at by a crowd. He has, like, a weird job. Randy Orton is apparently being used as an example to the rest of the locker room, and if I was a guy whose job ostensibly came under the category of ‘hurting people’, and my employers plus four of their friends were threatening to concuss me, I’d have gotten a group of every other wrestler together and said ‘okay guys and gals, we’re going to break one leg per Authority member, which hopefully will put an end to this “threatening us with physical violence” policy. After that, beers are on me.’ I’m surprised John Cena hasn’t already led the WWE locker room out to the ring to a chorus of ‘Do You Hear The People Sing’. Kane says the battle lines have been drawn, and then picks out Dolph Ziggler, and says he could have had the world but, really, if he’d joined the Authority’s team he’d probably have jobbed to Cena. For avoiding that, Ziggler will fight Kane tonight in a steel cage. Okay…fair reason for having the Uso match early.

Kane starts talking about another potential member of Team ‘We’ve Only Got Two Full-Time Wrestlers’, but Cesaro cuts him off with his siren, which is a wussier version of Scott Steiner’s. And how dumb or masochistic is Cesaro that, after seeing what happened to Orton, he wants to hang out with those guys? Kane actually wasn’t thinking about Cesaro, which would have been an awesome moment for Cesaro to snap, beat Kane to a sobbing pulp and win both a place on the Authority’s Team and any ground he’s lost against Ziggler and Sheamus, and show Triple H’s fall into desperation as he makes any decision necessary to hold onto his power, but instead Cesaro will face Ryback. Hey, I’ll still watch it.

Ryback vs. Cesaro Really Looks Like Machoke Facing Machop

Ryback says ‘it’s feeding time’, which he should not ever do again ever. The WWE Rewind shows Ryback flattening Titus O’Neil, so this is totally anybody’s game. We come back to Ryback breaking out of a sleeper, but running into a big boot. Cesaro locks in the sleeper again, rolling the Big Guy over. Snapmare to Ryback, then a suplex for two. Apparently Rusev might join the Authority, which I’ll admit is a way Cena can pin him without having to wait until WrestleMania, with the added advantage of devaluing the US Title yet further. Ryback breaks out of a sleeper, although Cesaro is persistent, and drives the Swiss Superman into the mat with a spinebuster.

Meathook Clothesline levels Cesaro, but he breaks out of Shell-Shocked, throwing Ryback into the turnbuckle and booting him! Elbow from the top rope connects, and he rains punches down on Ryback. Suplex to Ryback is reversed, into a Shell-Shocked for the win.

This was okay; I’d be interested in seeing something full-length, as this was very short. 2 Stars.

Ryback isn’t getting paid to hang around, so gets out of the ring, and Kane stands in the ring, looking jilted. Chin up, ugly; you get to maul a blonde guy later.

The Bunny Stood Looking On. “O Brave New World, O Brave New World…”

Oh yay, it’s R-Truth. Blah blah what does this guy contribute blah blah get rid of him blah. He’ll be facing Adam Rose, in the moral lesson that speaking your mind means you have to fight a guy.

With the psychotic narcotics looking on, the two men lock up. Rose is knocked down with a shoulder block, and Truth mocks him through the medium of dance. Adam Rose leaps into R-Truth’s arms in response, which is surely something to avoid in a wrestling match. But then…this isn’t going to be a wrestling match, is it? More dance mockery, and Bunny starts dancing; JBL is so excited by this that I can only assume he’s rabidly humping Tom’s face whilst commentating. Adam Rose tries to have words with the man he forces to dress up as a rabbit for his drug-addled amusement, but R-Truth rolls him up.

Well, I guess this is the new stupid thing we’ll be watching. Although ‘stupid’ is a vague term. 1 Star.

Adam Rose hits the Bunny in the face, clearly having learned a thing or two from the Authority. The Rosebuds look shocked, but at Adam Rose’s encouragement, start dancing and partying again. Holy shit, the veil was just lifted there on a very twisted vision. Is the Exotic Express some sort of 1984 dystopia, where Rose rules through myriad tortures and all-pervading surveillance, quelling any disquiet through organised hatred directed toward Bo Dallas? Or is it more like Brave New World, where any feelings of dissatisfaction are removed and suppressed through the moulding of the Rosebuds to their station in life, plus a steady diet of awareness-numbing drugs?

The drugs one. It’s the drugs.

The Bunny gets back up, and Adam Rose stares at him until he cringes away. But it was alright, everything was alright, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother Adam Rose.

Well, turns out Christian’s still alive and employed. Good to know. Seems Ambrose will being continuing his tour of fake interview segments, although Christian’s doesn’t even get furniture now. He says unless his ears are deceiving him (they are), he has a lot of peeps in Albany. He asks if people want to see the Authority (who, by the way, are apparently less effective as a governing body than Adam Rose) or Cena triumph, and Ambrose interrupts. We replay the bullshit ending of Hell in a Cell and Christian asks him why, Bray, why?

Ambrose asks why anyone goes after anyone, and it’s because WWE Creative have not a fucking clue. He says he can play games too; he gets a thrill out of getting hurt and hurting others…and this brings out Bray Wyatt, who should really look into the fact that his lantern is billowing smoke. He tells Ambrose that he shouldn’t worry; he has nothing to lose. He rubs in the fact that the Shield broke up, even though it sort of looks like the Wyatt Family isn’t together now either. He offers to heal Dean, and on an interesting side note, I met a group of faith healers once and found them to be condescending assholes when not scamming people for money about their work. Bray references Daniel Bryan, which is way better than when the Bellas do it. Wyatt then taunts Ambrose about his incarcerated father, who apparently sends postcards from prison instead of, you know, letters or emails. Ambrose heads for Bray, apparently keen on demonstrating some of the shower-themed features of prison life to the fat bastard, but the lights go black, and Wyatt vanishes…

…only to reappear like one fucking inch behind Dean Ambrose, which is the most terrifying fucking thing I’ve seen outside of a fucking horror movie. FUCK. Oh, that just bought them this whole feud without a complaint from me; they can do what they want. Then Bray legitimately vanishes, and Ambrose, to his credit, looks more furious than afraid. Holy shit.

The commentary team try once again to use a Sheamus match to advertise the WWE Network, which is like making an advert for burgers set entirely in an abbatoir: it’s a component we’re not interested in knowing about. Also, they pussy out of their ‘this is only for customers of the WWE Network (and anyone else with an internet connection)’ by showing the end of the match, which is all most of us would even watch. Seriously, guys, I hate your strategy of censoring matches and only allowing people to watch them if they suckle at your poorly-thought-out and money-haemorrhaging teat, but it’s an exercise in futility if you don’t follow through on the threat. Come on; we’re going to complain about you anyway: be an asshole and don’t show it to us filthy, non-subscribing, UK-based pagans. Yeah, Britain still doesn’t have the Network, but on the lighter side, Sheamus passed out in a wrestling hold.

We recap something I missed from RAW, where Nikki ordered Brie to slap AJ and AJ decked her. In an interview with Renee Young, AJ absolves Brie from blame, but doesn’t apologise for punching her. Brie then appears to seemingly try to patch things up, and Nikki jumps AJ from behind. I fear that that wooden, wooden woman might actually hold the title. She tells Brie ‘try to be more sincere’, and that was so hypocritical I’m amazed Michael Cole didn’t ascend to his final form.

Wow, WWE, Too Real. Too Real.

Well, seems like Natalya’s got a match, and that’s something. Apparently Tyson Kidd is trying to win an award for being the Worst Partner of All Time, which is up against some stiff competition from Triple H (drugged, married and raped a woman) and Kane (killed a woman due to being drunk and driving, and then raped the corpse). Tyson is just sort of an asshole. Natalya’s facing Summer Rae, who starts things off with a stiff jab to the jaw.

Nattie goes for Summer, who takes her down with a swinging foot to the face. Summer wraps her legs around Nat’s waist, but she powers out of that, bodyslamming Summer as Michael Cole calls Tyson Kidd out on being such a piss-poor onscreen husband. This drives Tyson Kidd, who has a strange form of speech-impediment, to call ‘lock in the Sharpshooter!’, which somehow distracts Natalya enough for Summer Rae to pin her.

I assume this has something to do with Total Divas, but as I neither know nor care, that’s sort of redundant. Tyson Kidd is actually a fairly restrained parody of the entitlement oft present in couples these days, which is a part of this storyline which has caught my interest. But all I wanted was a real match. 1.5 Stars.

See, this is intense stuff: Tyson sabotaged his wife’s efforts, thus undermining her self-esteem and making him seem to be the more successful and dominant partner in their relationship, meaning that she won’t see him for the worthless parasite that he is and her sense of self-worth will begin to align with his fiction/fantasy of her, allowing him to act out his delusions of grandeur in real life. Guys? Girls? Do not be a Tyson Kidd, and do not enter into a relationship with a Tyson Kidd. Tyson Kidd is not the sort of person you need in your life (this writer acknowledges the likelihood that Tyson Kidd is probably a stand-up guy and a great husband in reality; his character is just a rat bastard).

Okay, between the dystopian undertones of the Exotic Express, the uncomfortably realistic themes of the Kidd/Neidhart marriage and Bray Fucking Wyatt, this has been a seriously dark SmackDown. But on a lighter note, a psychotic attempted-murderer burn-victim necrophiliac will now lock a former cheerleader in a cage and hurt him.


Kane’s future cheerleader-skinned rug is backstage with Renee Young, who has a history of having potentially-last conversations with Dolph; you’d think she’d have it in her to give him a hug, or at least end with a prayer. Triple H shows up, interrupting Ziggler’s shouting into the void, and extends another offer to join Team Authority, and then threatens Ziggler with Orton-like consequences. Shit, guys, form a mob and cripple him.

If Irony Happens In A Steel Cage Does That Mean It’s An Alloy?

Ziggler makes his way out to the cage, the condemned man who, let’s face it, could have lied to the Authority, joined their team and sabotaged them at Survivor Series, meaning he’d have them out of power and would have avoided weeks of this ‘getting beaten up’ bullshit. Then some crazy Wyatt-related eyes show up on the screen, so apparently that’s another aspect of this situation. Immediately after that the Big Red Machine comes out, and I would love it if it turned out Ziggler paid the APA enough money to beat the hell out of Kane before the match for the easy win. Actually, I’d just like to see one person employed by WWE demonstrate the slightest bit of devious cunning; it’s not been the same since CM Punk left.

Both men get locked in the cage, and it’s go time. Ziggler plays hard-to-get with his dodging, and takes Kane onto one knee with a dropkick before hitting a facebuster. First escape attempt of the match, and Kane stops it. He tries to hurl Dolph into the cage, but that just leads to Ziggler climbing back up. Finally, Kane manages to smash Ziggler’s face into the steel as we go to a commercial.

Back from the break, Kane is in firm control, and destroys any possible hope spot for Ziggler with a big boot. Ziggler gets pancaked into the corner, and Kane rips off the top turnbuckle. Because there wasn’t enough exposed metal in this match, I guess? Ziggler manages to capitalise, hitting his big DDT to down Kane. Another escape attempt from Dolph, but Kane heads up there with him, only for Ziggler to crotch the Big Red Machine on the ropes; Kane then does the exact same thing, and think about the fact that they both agreed with each other to do that spot.

Both guys are down, because they are guys with guy parts, but Ziggler finally leaps at Kane, only to be caught with an uppercut and knocked to the floor. Kane signals for the chokeslam, and almost hits it, but Ziggler leaps away at the last second, dashing back up the cage again. Kane catches him by the leg, hurling him back down to the mat. Chokeslam hits, but Kane doesn’t want the cover; he wants the Tombstone. Ziggler manages to wiggle out of it and hit the Zig-Zag for a tremendously close fall, but Kane does get the shoulder up.

Dolph has the least movement-efficient crawling ever, and you’d think the whole ‘both feet must touch the floor’ rule would prompt more superstars to head out of the cage backwards. But Kane does catch him, dragging him away from the door, only for Ziggler to kick him away. Kane comes back; Dolph ducks and superkicks him, but Kane rebounds right away with a clothesline; both men are down again.

Ziggler tries to escape again, really giving Kane as much time as he needs to catch him. Kane charges, but strikes the exposed turnbuckle (damn you, irony!), and Dolph climbs on Kane to escape the cage, as oppose to anything you could climb on that wouldn’t try to attack you. Ziggler gets to the outside of the cage, in front of the door, but Kane boots the door open, leaving Dolph to hang across it. Kane tries to escape, but Ziggler uses the door like a battering ram to slam into Kane’s face, and drops down to the floor for the win.

At first, it seemed like a fairly simple match, but the ending really elevated it. Great main event. 3 Stars.

On the whole, things seem sort of almost promising. I like typical Survivor Series match-ups, and some of the other feuds look decent. Honestly, though, I’ve been most amused this week by the really dark stuff I’ve been reading into the WWE’s product. But it’s something I enjoy, so hey. Eight for this week.

Movie Recommendation: Sunshine. My favourite science-fiction movie ever, even more than The Matrix. Some of the most brilliant…everything I’ve seen in a film. Plus, Cillian Murphy. You know…it’s Cillian Murphy.topstory120x120-|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-|topstory500x250

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WWE SmackDown Moves Back To Thursday Nights Thu, 06 Nov 2014 16:50:53 +0000 Smackdown 500x250




NEW YORK – November 6, 2014 The show that averages 3.1 million viewers on Friday nights and beats all Friday primetime viewing on any cable network is moving to Thursday nights on Syfy beginning January 15th at 8pm ET.  With nearly 800 original episodes, SmackDown is the second longest-running weekly episodic program in U.S. television history, only behind WWE’s other flagship program, Monday Night Raw®.


“Quite simply, more young men watch television on Thursday night than on Fridays,” said Michael Engleman, Executive Vice President, Marketing, Digital and Global Brand Strategy, Syfy. “Among Men 18-49, PUTS are 15 percent higher compared to Fridays, expanding the potential audience for SmackDown. Since the majority of broadcast programming skews female, we’re also using Thursday nights to counter program.”


“WWE’s sizable and passionate fan base make SmackDown the #1 entertainment show on Syfy and the most-watched, regularly-scheduled program among key demographics on the network,” said Michelle Wilson, Chief Revenue and Marketing Officer, WWE.  “We look forward to bringing the WWE audience to Thursday nights on Syfy.”


Over the past 15 years, SmackDown has been broadcast from 170 different venues, in 148 cities and towns, in seven different countries including the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Iraq, Japan, Italy and Mexico.  The name SmackDown came from WWE Superstar Dwayne “The Rock®” Johnson’s popular catchphrase, “Lay the Smackdown®.”


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Complete WWE Friday Night Smackdown Results for October 31, 2014 (Spoilers) Wed, 29 Oct 2014 05:58:31 +0000 They opened with the Halloween Costume Battle Royal. The winner gets a shot at A.J. Lee. Nikki, Paige, Fox and Natalya were the final four. Fox threw out Natalya. Then she and Paige went over the top together, leaving Nikki alone. Brie wasn’t there as she was in Santa Clara (Mania location) doing a Make a Wish rally at Buchser High School.

Kane and Rollins were out. More Halloween stuff. Kane challenged Dolph Ziggler to a rematch.

Kane b Ziggler with a choke slam and pin. He also kicked out of the Zig Zag. I’m at a loss for logic here.

Kane destroyed Ziggler after the match. then Rollins, Mercury and Noble all beat him down. Kane then told Ziggler that he has a second match booked tonight, against Rollins.

Rollins b Ziggler in 20 seconds with the curb stomip.

Heath Slater, dressed up like a scarecrow, did a promo yelling about John Cena. In the middle of his promo, Ryback came out.

Ryback b Slater in 1:00 with the shell shock.

Miz TV with Mark Henry was next. People weren’t happy with a second Miz TV at the same show, but Henry cut a great promo. He said Show was always trying to steal the spotlight. Show came out. Henry grabbed Miz and Mizdow and put them in front of Show. Show got past them and he and Henry went at it. Henry speared Show through a gimmicked barricade and Show was left laying.

Los Matadores b Goldust & Stardust in a non-title match. The crowd never bought Los Matadores. Stardust knocked Torito off the apron and he sold like he was knocked out. In all the confusion, Goldust was pinned.

Rusev b Great Khali in 1:00 with the accolade

Lana & Rusev did a promo. The next guy they are after is Sheamus and the U.S. title. He vowed he would hand the U.S. title to Vladimir Putin. Sheamus came out and challenged Rusev to fight right there but he backed off.

Bray Wyatt did an interview from a rocking chair. He did an anti-Halloween promo. He said Ambrose is just like him, a monster. He made some Sister Abigail comments.

Dean Ambrose b Cesaro in a trick or street match, which was a street fight. Usual street fight except pumpkins and skeletons and Halloween items were used. He put Cesaro’s head in a pumpkin and used the double arm DDT for the win. Cesaro was stumbling around with the pumpkin on his head.
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Spain’s WWE SmackDown Report and Results for October 24th 2014: “The Best Reason Not To Watch SmackDown” – BD Sun, 26 Oct 2014 11:22:03 +0000 Felicitations, guys and gals, and welcome to the go-home show review. The headlines this week: I spent my Thursday working in a kitchen which was literally flooding with a mix of corrosive alkaline solution and dirty dish water, so I currently hate everything and everyone but especially attempted comedy segments during wrestling shows. In other news, I’ve started this new thing where I don’t read the spoilers in advance of watching the show, in order to imbue this writing with a more genuine sense of innocent surprise and childlike wonder.

Holy fuckballs, it’s Dean Ambrose. We recap the return of cheap pops (and, coincidentally, Mick Foley) before Dean gets his hands on a microphone. Please don’t make a lot of bad puns; please don’t make a lot of bad puns…Ambrose says he’ll never not get back up: not because he’s indestructible or because he doesn’t get hurt, but because unlike Mick Foley, he’s never been a nice guy. God, now I really want an Ambrose/Foley match. All Ambrose wants: all he can possibly have is revenge on Seth Rollins. Shit, he’s actually selling that idea.

Topless Seth appears onscreen (why did I feel the need to mention the toplessness?) He says Ambrose doesn’t tell him what to do; he’s a strong, independent professional wrestler and he don’t need no man. He mocks Dean for being so invested in the Shield, and then says ‘it was me, Ambrose; it was me all along’. Fuck, that man just won the Attitude Era. He says vengeance is cheap and, like Ambrose, is worthless. What matters is future, and Rollins’ will begin after he disposes of Ambrose. He says he’ll then cash in his briefcase, and considering the last time he tried to do that it was on Brock Fucking Lesnar, I believe him. Ambrose fires up, yelling that the two of them will burn together, but Rollins will perish alone. Sold. Sold on this whole goddamn feud.

Apparently Big Show’s going to address the fact that Rusev, in the fine tradition of Eddie Guerrero, the entire nWo and various WWE referees before him, abided by the tradition ‘if you hop the barricade, you’re a dead motherfucker’ last Monday.

Damien Sandow Is Not Afraid To Commit. Ladies…

Oh lord in heaven, Los Matadores. Seriously: why are they still here? What possible value do they have in this incarnation? Although this situation is mitigated by a) chill Sheamus on commentary and b) Sandmiz having a match. I’d even accept it if they made him the WWE’s version of that character from arcade fighting games, and he just used a different wrestler’s moves and mannerisms every match: one week he’s the Big Show; the next he’s Paige. At some point he can get high and channel anyone from the Hall of Fame. And I’d watch it.

Sandmiz gets thrown into a corner, tosses Matador Uno over his shoulder but gets headscissored. Miz gets a tag, misses a punch and eats some chops and a boot to the face. He hangs Uno up on the ropes. Miz then hits the Clubbing Blows to the chest, leading to mild comedy gold from Sheamus. Awesome Clothesline to Uno, and Sandmiz tags back in, getting drop-toehold…ed on the ropes; Los Dos and Miz tag in, and Dos is all over the Miz, with strikes and a flapjack into the corner; senton to a standing Miz, but Sandmiz breaks up the pin before Uno tosses him. Miz throws out Uno, blocks a backstabber and then applies the Figure Four to Dos, as Sandmiz shoves El Torito down on the outside (best use of the bull ever) and applies the Figure Four to Uno. Dos taps and that’s the match.

Not a massive amount of material from Sandmiz, but I did appreciate the brief Sheamus-ing from Miz and Damien pushing El Torito over. 2.5 Stars.

Sheamus starts making threats, but takes his headset off halfway through, meaning we can’t hear him and, due to the music, neither can Miz. Smart guy, that Irishman. JBL says they need him on commentary more often: yes to that.

Dust Brothers are backstage, assumedly tripping balls again…and then suddenly Bo Dallas is there, and manages to derail and save the segment. That incredible smile.

They Don’t Have Any Ideas For Another Number One Contender For AJ

Alicia Fox is ready for her rematch against the champ, and if she was a guy and Swiss and freakishly strong, this would be a title match (that’s my way of saying that Cesaro has a title shot tonight; the Divas title does not have a really specific list of prerequisites for challengers).

Bell rings and they tie up. AJ wrenches the arm, but eats a forearm from Fox. Headscissors takes Fox down, and I get irritated when AJ brings out that move. Not because I don’t like the move, or athletic women’s matches, but because it always seems like she could lock in the Black Widow right there and game over. Still, willing suspension of disbelief. Fox comes back with a straight slap to the face, and then gets caught with a front facelock. She counters by slamming the champ into the corner and then hits her Northern Lights suplex.

Sleeper hold to AJ Lee, who tries to fight out but gets bodyslammed before she can. Fox chokes her on the ropes as Paige talks shit, but Alicia finally runs into a pair of knees. AJ fires up, but gets distracted as she goes after Paige, recovers, throws Fox into Paige and rolls her up for the win.

Very quick match, but decent. Apparently AJ and Paige were making some noise about how they could do a cell match, which probably isn’t high on the overall agenda of feminism, but still something I’d support. 2 Stars.

Wyatt promo. I really hope that at least one pregnant woman has written ‘IT’S COMING’ on her stomach.

We get shown the ‘We’re Not Wearing Pants’ interview with Michael Cole and the Big Show. Michael says that the Big Show is carrying the weight of an entire country on his shoulders, which still sounds like a shot at how heavy that tubby gent is. And stop calling Rusev ‘Russian'; he’s Bulgarian. Apparently we’re talking about when Rusev defended himself against a man trained to kill other men, who was the aggressor in that particular incident. And if he can’t take one kick to the face without acting like a bitch, is that the kind of soldier you want? And who wears a fucking combat uniform to a wrestling show? Big Show says that the flag is not about fabric and cloth and dye, which is a hundred percent what flags are all about. Big Show calls Rusev out for taking a cheap shot, and just watch how Guerrero hits the guy who knocks him off the ladder. Michael Cole acts like a real journalist for once, and asks Big Show to compare the flag-pulling incidents. Big Show straight up goes ‘I was wrong’, which actually surprised me. I think a wrestler just gave a better fake public apology than most politicians. We let both Show and Cole mutually masturbate over how fucking awesome the American armed forces are for a bit, so I kind of zone out for a bit, and we then go to Hulk Hogan? Oh God, they asked Hogan a question about international relations?! That man still thinks that Nikolai Volkoff is the Prime Minister of the Soviet Union! Well, that’s made this feud even more embarrassing. Big Show promises to knock Rusev out, and at this point I just hope that Brock Lesnar returns for an impromptu match against Rusev, doesn’t mention America even the once, and squashes the shit out of the guy. Seriously: that is my dream of how Rusev’s streak is broken. I would purposelessly feed him to Lesnar if it stopped the spread of patriotism.

You Can’t Do That On Free Television!

As an apology for…whatever anyone wants to call that (I’m going with ‘massive waste of my time’) we’ve got a Ziggler/Cesaro match for the Intercontinental Championship. WWE Creative must be amazing at making up with their partners. Both men make their way to the ring, so whoever our nasally new ring announcer is can do the introductions there for that big match feel.

Bell rings, and both men grapple, jockeying for control until they end up on the ropes. Cesaro waits until Ziggler lets go, then hits a knee. Ziggler is thrown into the corner; Cesaro follows him and hits a monkey flip, only for Dolph to land perfectly on his feet! Hip toss to Cesaro, who almost rolls up Ziggler before he can drop his elbow, but Ziggler counters that, then tries to roll him up again; the men trade pin after pin before Cesaro tries a clothesline, then eats a dropkick. Both men keep reversing Irish whips on the way to the corner, but Cesaro is able to hurl Dolph bodily into the steel post, sending the champ right to the outside as we go to break.

After the commercial break, we come back to find Cesaro in control, gripping Ziggler by the head, then applying a sleeper. Dolph nearly breaks out, but Cesaro applies the sleeper again, but Ziggler is able to reverse into a sleeper of his own; Cesaro tries to back suplex Ziggler; Dolph rolls onto his feet and applies the sleeper again! Cesaro finally breaks things up in the corner, but Ziggler comes right back, hitting and moving to take the Swiss Superman down. He gets caught in a powerbomb position, turning that into a roll-up, and then whirls all the way around Cesaro’s body to apply the sleeper again!

Cesaro smashes Dolph into the corner, and manages to suplex him. Ziggler comes back suddenly, looking for the DDT, but Cesaro slams him to the floor. Dolph nearly gets another roll-up before a big boot puts him down. Perfect double underhook powerbomb from Cesaro gets two as the crowd decrees that this, indeed, is awesome. Cesaro tries for the Swing, but nearly gets rolled up; Dolph tries his superkick; Cesaro catches it and goes for his uppercut! Ziggler spins him around and hits the Zig-Zag for the win!

That, hands down, is the best-wrestled match I’ve ever reviewed. That was a PPV-quality match; you couldn’t relax for a second during it. No hesitation in giving this thing 5 Stars.

Surely A P.A. Has Better Job Security Than Anyone Working For WWE

Well, hope you enjoyed that, because this is not going to be of the same quality at all. Okay, no, you know what? I’m being harsh here. Natalya is great in the ring. Brie and Nikki are not actually that bad; they just get bad press from me because I hate their onscreen personalities, their storylines and their hideous inability to act or even say words. Naomi’s given us a few decent matches; Cameron and Summer Rae can just GTFO. Also, it’s sort of strange that after…well, call it twenty years of apparent torment at each other’s hands, these gals seem to think that one month of personal assistant duty is going to settle everything. Plus, that sort of thing depends on you actually having some imagination and drive for that month; I’d probably get through the first week being a total bastard, and the next three would just involve me shrugging and going ‘I really wasn’t going to do much today. I mean…how are you at making Bolognese? Because if you’re not good, then I’d really rather make it myself.’

Brie starts off against Cameron, elbowing her way out of an arm-wrench, backflipping out of a hold but then getting clotheslined hard. Summer comes in, hitting a clothesline of her own. Brie fires up on the heel Divas, but gets taken down by the numbers. Summer, for God knows what reason, decides to then attack the face Divas, but walks right into a dropkick. Cameron, however, pulls Naomi away from the apron before the tag. Nikki tags in, and ends things with the Torture Rack.

That was okay. Surprised they had Nikki and Brie in the match together, but it was very fleeting and this might just be an indication of a Brie victory. And, looking back, I realised that Brie made no tags; probably didn’t want to show that they had better Divas than her to work with. 2 Stars.

Nikki gets on the microphone, and beat still my heart. Also, isn’t personal assistant to someone who makes, let’s face it, a pretty substantial amount of money a decent job? Something to put on your CV; adds to your skill set; you could get a reference from John Cena. The stipulation should be that the loser has to work in a place which is half-flooded with corrosive alkaline. Anyhow, Nikki calls Brie ‘Cinderbella’, which I want to be annoyed about, but I actually smiled, so damn.

We do ‘Hell in a Cell by the Numbers’, which is actually a lot better than it sounds. Although it’s not as good as a Hell in a Cell match featuring only accountants. And as much as I love Hell in a Cell matches, and I really do, this ‘themed PPV’ thing is killing its mystique. It used to be the one definitive way to a violent, nigh-murderous blood-feud; now we put Orton in a cell with ‘TBA’. Fuck’s sake. Even the Lesnar thing is not making me feel better, because I just can’t believe that the WWE is going to say ‘Cena’s had three matches against Lesnar in this last stretch; maybe the audience wants something new? Oh hell, can you imagine how awesome it would be if we sent in a dangerous, sick bastard of a heel against Lesnar? Man, nobody would know what to expect!’

Apparently Hulk Hogan says that John Cena will always be the champ. Wow, I wonder who he thinks will always be the president.

Bo Yeah

Oh, I was wondering where our six-man tag match was. But here’s the Usos, followed by Mark Henry; they will face Bo Dallas and the Dust Brothers. How the hell did it take this long for Goldust to get that bitching facepaint? Oh God, Hulk Hogan’s going to be on RAW.  It might be because he was well over the hill when I got into the wrestling scene properly, or his ridiculous and frankly desperate overuse currently, but the only joy I get out of seeing him is in an ironic sense.

Henry immediately goes for Bo Dallas, and considering the 0-3 record he has against Dallas I’d watch yourself, Mark. Stardust and Jey come in instead, giving us a taste of whatever tag team magic we’re in for this week. Stardust punches Jey down, but Jey comes back with a headbutt, tagging in Jimmy. Goldust tags in, but gets backdropped. Stardust tries to interfere, but is clotheslined out of the ring; Bo tries a cheap shot, but Henry runs him off as we go to a break.

Back from the break, the Dust Brothers are in control of who I believe is Jimmy; Goldust has him in a sleeper hold. The Dust Brothers say that they’re not science fiction; they’re science fact, which actually would make them just ‘science’, but hey. Goldust ducks one dragon kick, but Jimmy catches him on the rebound, tagging in Mark Henry. Bo runs right into a clothesline and a boot; Goldust is tossed out of the ring! Stardust nearly eats the World’s Strongest Slam, but rolls out of it…only to get kicked in the face by Jey! Jimmy hurls himself out of the ring onto Goldust, but Stardust catches Jey, tripping him so that he slams his face off the apron. In the ring, Bo is caught by Henry and headbutted. Stardust crossbody’s Mark, only to get World’s Strongest Slammed in truth this time. Bo catches Henry, hits the Running Bo-Dog and gets the win! Holy shit.

Good match. I am so happy about Bo getting the win, especially in the relatively clean fashion. 2.5 Stars.

Renee Young is backstage with Dolph Ziggler, and congratulates him on the win, but Cesaro is suddenly right there. I think Cesaro actually sounds more Swedish that Swiss, but then the guy does speak a lot of languages, so some of that’s going to creep in. Apparently members of my own family don’t know what my accent is supposed to be; feel free to check out the Trashy Ring Attire podcast and chime in with whatever the hell I actually sound like. The boys get into it, and Renee’s moving the microphone in time to catch both of their comments is oddly hilarious. We get a 2-out-of-3 falls match for the title at Hell in a Cell. Man, this is shaping up to a damn decent PPV.

Here’s Seth Rollins along with Noble and Mercury, showing up to a ring loaded with a bunch of stuff; it’s like an artist’s impression of Tommy Dreamer’s living room. He says that Ambrose thought he was the only one with a bag of tricks. Seth taught Dean Ambrose everything he knows, including how to make a resuscitation dummy look like Seth Rollins (which must have been a weird lesson; they were definitely high during that). He mocks the ‘you sold out’ chants and says at least he’s a winner. Rollins knows he’s never been in a cell before, but he’s studied under Triple H and knows that there are no rules. We turn to the table, and are…are those bolt-cutters? I mean…I’ve seen One Night Stand 2005, but…bolt-cutters. Rollins picks up the handcuffs, and a good portion of the arena seating gets a little damp as he talks about cuffing Ambrose. He then gets a screwdriver and makes a pun about ‘screw-up': meh. He turns to what is lead pipe, and says he’ll use it to beat Dean to a pulp, as opposed to stuffing it with explosives and a rag, which would definitely let him beat Ambrose. He picks up the chair, and laughs about how he dissolved the Shield using one of them.

Rollins then yells about how they could settle things right here, right now, and calls Ambrose out. Oh man, RIP in peace, Noble and Mercury. But Dean doesn’t show up. Rollins laughs and says that Dean has always been all talk. Or maybe he’s too smart to show up here. You know what? Where’s Orton? He’s supposed to be pissed at Rollins. Seth says the equivalent of ‘the future’s bright; the future’s Rollins’, and we see him standing on the cell from Monday. But Ambrose is behind Seth when we come back, and wails on him with a kendo stick. Man, he attacked someone during a flashback? Rollins gets thrown into Noble and Mercury as Ambrose cries havoc. But Cruiserweight Security Incorporated gets involved, allowing Seth to level Dean with a clothesline.

Rollins sets up a table, but Ambrose comes back, nearly powerbombing Seth through it before Mercury stops him. Seth bails, leaving Ambrose alone with the two stooges. Clothesline to Noble; DDT to Mercury. Ambrose stares a hole through Seth, and then puts Mercury through a table with an elbow. The crowd chants ‘one more time’, and Dean obliges them with the use of Jamie Noble (JBL: ‘you can’t do that to Jamie Noble! That man once won the lottery!’). Seth strips off the shirt and acts like he’s going to make a move as the crowd actually chants ‘thank you, Ambrose’ in return for the second table spot: what a nice, bloodthirsty group of folks.

Good week, I must say: that’s what a go-home show should feel like. Ziggler and Cesaro definitely had the best match since Cena/Rollins from almost a year ago: maybe even better. Bo getting a win I definitely enjoyed, and the Seth/Dean segments were on point. Everyone aboard the Hell in a Cell train; this week gets an eight. topstory120x120-|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-|topstory500x250

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Complete WWE Friday Night Smackdown Results for October 17, 2014 (Spoilers) Wed, 15 Oct 2014 04:57:13 +0000 Dark Match

1. Kofi Kingston defeated Heath Slater. A good back and forth match. Kofi won with Trouble in Paradise in the match held prior to WWE Main Event.

WWE Smackdown Taping

The show opened with Seth Rollins coming out and talking about whether he sold out. He said he’s the future and spoke about his Hell in a Cell match against Dean Ambrose. Rollins said Ambrose doesn’t deserve to be in HIAC but rather a straight jacket. Dolph Ziggler came out talked about respect. Dolph drop kicked to start the match…

1. Seth Rollins defeated Dolph Ziggler in a non-title match. The crowd was pro Ziggler. Rollins was thrown outside and grabbed his knee. It was a pretty good back and forth match. Rollins went for powerbomb. Ziggler attempted to counter (did not look good). Rollins went for another one and hit a Curb Stomp for the win…

A.J. Lee was shown skipping backstage…

2. A.J. Lee defeated Layla. Alicia Fox and Paige were on commentary. Fox ran in afterward and was taken down by Lee, but Paige hit Lee with her finisher and then skipped inside the ring…

Sheamus and The Usos were interviewed before the six-man tag match, and then a Wyatt Family video was shown…

3. Sheamus and The Uso Brothers defeated The Miz (w/Mizdow), Goldust, and Stardust. Watching Sandow live is pretty funny, writes Arnaldo. There was a “let’s go Sandow” chant briefly. Sheamus won the match with a Brogue Kick…

Big Show was shown walking backstage… Big Show came to the ring for a promo and spoke about responsibility. He said he would pin Rusev at Hell in a Cell. Show called out Mark Henry and they talked about old times. Show said he needed to be on his own against Rusev. Rusev’s music played. Rusev and Lana spoke about how Show will let the United States down. Show cut him off and said he can’t crush him because he’s American made…

4. Nikki Bella defeated Naomi. Nikki won with her finisher. The crowd wasn’t really into the match…

Dean Ambrose and John Cena vs. Seth Rollins, Randy Orton, and Kane in a handicap street fight was hyped for Raw… Another Wyatt vignette was shown… Dean Ambrose was interviewed by Renee Young. He told Seth you can’t prepare for the unknown not even Dean knows what he is gonna do…

5. Dean Ambrose beat Kane (w/Seth Rollins) by DQ. A very slow match to start. Rollins grabbed the rope and a DQ was called. Rollins and Kane then powerbombed Ambrose and then attempted a Curb Stomp onto a chair. Ambrose grabbed the chair and was going to hit Seth with it, but he hit Kane instead. Ambrose was left in the ring and Seth was shown on stage

Dark Segment

The Wyatt Family came out as Dean was left in the ring. Kane, Rollins, and the Wyatt Family surrounded the ring. The heels assaulted Ambrose, but Dolph Ziggler, The Usos and later Sheamus ran out. The babyfaces eventually hit their spots Dean hit his finisher on Seth. The crowd was very into it. topstory120x120-|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-×250.jpg|topstory500x250

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Trashy Ring Attire #12: Here Comes The Spain Tue, 14 Oct 2014 10:00:09 +0000 Sorry for the delay everyone, but myself and Jonah finally present to you, the 12th episode of Trashy Ring Attire! We had a post-SummerSlam episode available that was sadly lost due to technical difficulties AND IT DOESN’T MATTER WHICH ONE OF US HAD A HEADSET THAT WASN’T RECORDING AUDIO SO DON’T EVEN TRY TO POINT FINGERS ‘CAUSE WE AIN’T EVEN BOUT THAT SON

Anyway, welcome to Episode 12 of Trashy Ring Attire! This month’s guest is David Spain, the coolest and best recapper currently on Inside Pulse!

A link to listen to is posted below, AND WE ARE NOW ON ITUNES! THE OCCUPATION IS OVER! LONG LIVE THE RESISTANCE! Thanks to the Classy Ring Attire boys for setting us up, head over to iTunes and search “Trashy Ring Attire” and subscribe – new episodes will download automatically to your iTunes when available!

Also now available… one-click free download link!

Or traditional online streaming:

This month we discuss:

  • Our newest segment introduced by BD, titled “FUCK THAT GUY!” Who will win the first ever FUCK THAT GUY? Listen and find out!
  • SummerSlam & Night Of Champions
  • Brock / Cena and Brock has Champion
  • The most recent Classy Ring Attire Episode
  • David succumbing to traditional stereotypes and drinking a martini the entire episode!

And lots more! As always, we hope you enjoy.

Next month… frequent Classy Ring Attire guest, Beardsley! He most recently watched the Hornswaggle movie! Listen at your own risk. Also, the most recent Classy Ring Attire episode, Blair filled in for a sick Chris. Check that one out on iTunes!

Thanks for listening and thanks to David Spain for coming on TWICE and being patient with our technical glitches!

Keep it trashy!

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WWE Celebrates 15 Years of SmackDown (PLUS: Interesting Fact & Photos) Fri, 10 Oct 2014 18:45:54 +0000 WWE Logo 2014 - 500x250





STAMFORD, Conn., October 10, 2014 WWE will air a special 15th Anniversary episode of SmackDown, tonight at 8 p.m. ET/PT on Syfy. With nearly 800 original episodes, SmackDown is the second longest-running weekly episodic program in U.S. television history, only behind WWE’s other flagship program, Monday Night RawAveraging 3.1 million viewers each week, SmackDown beats all Friday primetime viewing on any cable network.

As part of the 15th Anniversary show, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson will appear in a special segment.  Tonight’s SmackDown will be the 790th episode for the series.  In comparison, Saturday Night Live has aired 766 episodes since it began in 1975, Gunsmoke aired 635 episodes from 1955-1975, Lassie aired 591 episodes from 1954-1973 and The Simpsons has aired 552 episodes since it began in 1989.

As part of the festivities, celebrities including Ben Roethlisberger, Cedric The Entertainer, Kyle Busch, Snoop Dogg, William Shatner and others will share photos from their WWE experiences on their social media platforms.

Prior to the 15th anniversary episode, fans can watch the WWE Network special Edge and Christian’s 15th Anniversary SmackDown Show that Totally Reeks of Awesomeness, featuring WWE Hall of Famer Edge and WWE Superstar Christian, offering entertaining insight into the greatest moments from SmackDown’s 15 year history.  The program is now available as part of WWE Network’s video-on-demand library, containing more than 2,000 hours of content.



SmackDown 15 (1) SmackDown 15 (2) SmackDown Action
July 13, 2004
Providence, RI
Photo: David O Gunn SmackDown 15 (4) SmackDown 15 (5) SmackDown 15 (6) SmackDown 15 (7) SmackDown 15 (8) SmackDown 15 (9) SmackDown 15 (10) SmackDown 15 (11) UnderTaker v Kurt Angle, Mark Henry SmackDown 15 (13) SmackDown 15 (14) SmackDown 15 (15) SmackDown 15 (16) SmackDown 15 (17) SmackDown 15 (18) SmackDown 15 (19) SmackDown 15 (20) SmackDown 15 (21)




  1. The name SmackDown came from WWE Superstar Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson’s popular catchphrase, “Lay the Smackdown.”
  1. SmackDown has been broadcast from 170 different venues, in 148 cities and towns, in seven different countries including the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Iraq, Japan, Italy and Mexico.
  1. It would take more than two months of uninterrupted viewing to watch every episode of SmackDown back-to-back.
  1. WWE Superstar John Cena made his WWE debut in June 2002 on SmackDown.
  1. WWE World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar competed in a 60-minute Iron Man match on SmackDown in September 2003.
  1. Brock Lesnar and Big Show fought to a no contest when the ring collapsed after Lesnar superplexed Big Show on SmackDown in June 2003.
  1. Stephanie McMahon was the first SmackDown general manager while Teddy Long has the longest total tenure as a SmackDown general manager.
  1. Mr. McMahon won his only WWE Championship on SmackDown on September 16, 1999 when he defeated Triple H with Shane McMahon as special guest referee.
  1. The first Friday episode of SmackDown was on September 9, 2005 and featured Batista defeating JBL in a Bull Rope Match to retain the World Heavyweight Championship.

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Complete WWE Friday Night Smackdown Results for October 10, 2014 (Spoilers) Wed, 08 Oct 2014 04:55:22 +0000 Prior the taping, Paul Heyman made an unadvertised appearance and drew mega heat.

JBL is introduced to a mild pop followed by Lilian Garcia. She welcomed Philly to Smackdown 15 and pumped the crowd up for the opening. The signature aired followed by classic clips of Smackdown through the years. Notable was the focus on Kurt Angle and Jeff Hardy throughout the highlights.

Smackdown has a new opening theme which will take some getting used to. Lilian introduced Smackdown’s first GM Stephanie McMahon. Stephanie plugged WWE Network by pointing out that The Rock coined the phrase Smackdown and noted that her husband Triple H had beaten Rock. She led the crowd in a brief $9.99 chant.

Stephanie was interrupted by John Laurinaitis, who got a People Power chant. He also pimped the Network. Out next was Teddy Long, who got a pretty big pop.

Teddy and Johnny get into a back and forth over their storyline heat from back in the day. They actually got into an argument over the booking of Teddy’s favorite match – the tag match. The result was Teddy actually trying to book a 15-man tag match which was pretty damn funny. Stephanie suggested that Teddy and Johnny each pick a team and that whoever’s team won would result in that man being declared the greatest GM of all time.

Stephanie said that Miz will host a face to face between John Cena and Dean Ambrose. Adam Rose and his crew, including the Bunny, interrupted and actually got a pretty loud pop. Rose told Steph not to be a lemon and she promptly booked him against Kane as punishment…

During the commercial break, we get a clip from the first Smackdown featuring The Rock vs. Triple H with HBK as the special referee. We also got a Network plug…

Back from break, Rose did the trust fall. Kane headed to the ring cutting a promo saying he is not a cheeseburger, lemon, or a Rosebud. He is, however, a party pooper…

1. Kane defeated Adam Rose. Kane squashed Rose in under a minute with a chokeslam. The Rosebuds tended to Rose. Kane destroyed all of the Rosebuds with the exception of The Bunny, which would have popped the hell out of me…

The next Smackdown clip was Cena’s debut against Kurt Angle…

2. A.J. Lee defeated Alicia Fox (w/Paige). There were brief CM Punk chants that died quickly. Fox was in control and once again the Punk chants picked up with an AJ chant mixed in for good measure. AJ went over with Black Widow, but before Lilian could finish her announcement, Paige attacked Lee. AJ fought off Paige and Fox to end the segment…

3. Seth Rollins (w/Joey Mercury, Jamie Noble) beat Kofi Kingston. Rollins got a mild “You Sold Out” chant before the match started. Rollins started the match off very aggressively and was beating the hell out of Kofi, who made a brief comeback but was cutoff with a neckbreaker. Rollins played to the crowd and drew some damn good heat. Kofi came backs and went on a nice run before getting shut down with a buckle bomb followed by The Curb Stomp…

A Bray Wyatt/Luke Harper promo aired. The visual of a darkened arena that is lit by only cellphones is one of the coolest visuals in pro wrestling history…

Out next were Dolph Ziggler followed by Rusev and Lana… The next Smackdown moment was a collection of MITB cash-ins over the years. Footage of The Rock/Rusev confrontation from Raw aired…

4. Rusev (w/Lana) defeated Dolph Ziggler in a non-title match. The match started with Ziggler dodging Rusev until he got caught. There was a brief USA chant. Rusev controlled much of the match with Ziggler bumping his ass off as usual to make Rusev look like a beast. The crowd fired up the USA chant again but they once again don’t pick up steam. A small “Let’s Go Ziggler” chant got going but was drowned out by USA chants. After several minutes of Rusev offense, Ziggler woke up the crowd with some flashy offense but it was not enough, as he was crushed and forced to submit to The Accolade…

Afterward, Lana cut a promo trashing Philly and The Rock. Rusev said Rock will pay as well as Big Show. He challenged Show to a match on Raw. The Russian flag dropped and that ended the segment. This promo drew amazing heat live…

The next Smackdown moment was one of my favorites of all time with Steve Austin beating the hell out of Booker T in a supermarket… Lilian put over the Philly chapter of Susan G. Komen and a brief video airsed… The Philadelphia Eagles players got some camera love to a nice pop…

A backstage segment aired with Rock, Triple H, and Stephanie reminiscing about their Smackdown history through the years. Rock teased him and Triple H going at it one more time and the crowd popped huge. Things started to get a little tense between the two as they teased a future WrestleMania match. Steph stepped in and called both guys winners and suggests they go get something to eat. This segment is funny as hell and is a must watch on Friday Night…

Lillian introduced another former Smackdown GM in Booker T, who got an initial loud pop that died quickly. Booker was on commentary for the next match…

5. Team Teddy (Sheamus, Mark Henry, The Usos, Los Matadores, El Torito, and Jack Swagger) beat Team Johnny (Goldust, Stardust, Heath Slater, Titus O’ Neil, Damien Mizdow, Bo Dallas, Cesaro, and Hornswoggle in the silly ass Gator outfit). It didn’t take long for things to break down as the heels regrouped on the outside. A small but pretty vocal “Sexual Chocolate” chant was heard throughout the match. Everybody got a chance to shine, but the most notable thing about this match was how over Mizdow was, which I hope WWE takes notice of because the guy is being criminally wasted. After several minutes of pretty forgettable action Sheamus was tagged in to a huge pop and went on a tear that included hitting his trademark ten clubs on Ceasro, Stardust, and Heath Slater at the same time. The Usos hit dives on the heels which popped the crowd. Ceasro, after months of non-use, broke out the Ceaaro Swing, which the crowd ate up. In the end the Usos took out Mizdow with a superkick/splash combo giving Team Teddy the win…

A Bray Wyatt and Erick Rowan promo aired…

The next Smackdown moment was Stone Cold destroying the DX Express…

In what was most likely a dark segment, Team Teddy was still in the ring. Teddy’s theme played as he did his trademark dance. Booker T entered the ring and pumped the crowd by asking if they want to see a 15th anniversary spinnaronni from each member of Team Teddy. First up was Mark Henry followed by the Usos. Next was Los Matadores and Torito, Sheamus, and Swagger. Teddy even did one, which was pretty bad. Sheamus pointed out that the announce team should also do spinnaroonies. So we got one from JBL, and Booker finished us off. This was entertaining but a bit long…

The Royal Rumble is confirmed for Philly on January 25…

Kofi Kingston came out and demanded another match with Seth Rollins. Rollins came out with Mercury and Noble for the match…

6. Seth Rollins (w/Joey Mercury, Jamie Noble) defeated Kofi Kingston. Rollins dominated the match for the most part. Kofi made a comeback but not enough as the match ended the same way as their previous one. My guess is that this was a re-take as there was a slight botch with the finish of the original match.

Miz TV with John Cena and Dean Ambrose was up next. Miz is introduced to little reaction… The next Smackdown moment was the 9/11 tribute show..

The Miz started off the segment putting himself over followed by covering what happened between Cena and Ambrose on Raw. Miz said the match between Ambrose and Cena at HIAC will now be a No Holds Barred Contract on a Pole match. Whoever gets the contract gets Rollins in HIAC. When the hell did WWE put Vince Russo back on payroll?!?! Miz introduced Ambrose and Cena. Ambrose got a nice pop and Cena got the usual mixed reaction. Miz pointed out that Ambrose embarrassed Cena on Monday. Ambrose said that he wanted to show Cena that he takes crap from no one and that at HIAC Rollins belongs to him.

Miz gave Cena the chance for a rebuttal. Cena went into hyper mode and actually got a damn loud pop from the crowd after a little sucking up, of course. He put over Ambrose as a guy who speaks his mind. Cena pulled out two baseballs and said those are what it takes to make it in WWE. He than proceeded to bury Miz for having no balls. Cena went into preacher mode putting over Ambrose and their match at HIAC.

Miz stirred the pot by pointing out all of Cena’s accolades to Ambrose asking him if he thinks he can beat him. Ambrose responds “Yup.” Funny. Miz attempted to do the same deal to Cena, but Cena cut him off and basically told Miz that Mizdow is better than him, which led to Sandow getting another big pop. The segment ended with Cena and Ambrose beating the hell out of Miz. Cena gave Ambrose his receipt from Monday by hitting him with the Attitude Adjustment to conclude the Smackdown taping.

Dark Segment

Kane came out and told Cena that he made a mistake by taking out Ambrose with the AA, as he is booking himself and Rollins against Cena and Ambrose.

1. John Cena and Dean Ambrose defeated Seth Rollins and Kane. The heels worked over Cena for a few minutes as Ambrose sold being pissed off at ringside. Cena made a hot tag to Ambrose, who went on a tear ending with him and Cena hitting their finishers for the win. Cena and Ambrose played a game of can you top this with crowd reactions with Ambrose winning. Overall, a fun night of wrestling in Philly.

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Its SmackDown’s 15th Anniversary! Mon, 06 Oct 2014 19:20:33 +0000 Smackdown 500x250


In celebration of SmackDown’s 15th Anniversary, the WWE Network will air a special program titled Edge and Christian’s 15th Anniversary SmackDown Show that Totally Reeks of Awesomeness, immediately following tonight’s Raw.

One of WWE’s most entertaining duos will reunite for a look back at the show that changed the face of broadcast television.  Viewers will join Edge and Christian for a trip down memory lane to relive some of the greatest moments throughout the 15 year history of SmackDown.

The Network will continue airing classic episodes of SmackDown throughout this week.topstory120x120-|topstory120x120 topstory500x250-×250.jpg|topstory500x250

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