Okay, let’s be honest here: I am a fan of Scott’s work. I think his reviews – while occasionally over-cynical and also at times border on the callous – are extremely entertaining. It sort of strikes my own personal sense of humour when watching wrestling, and I agree with about 80% of what he writes (though he likes Undertaker more than I ever could).

A few personal things in here surprised me. I didn’t realise he had reviewed Heroes of Wrestling which I dedicated a recent column to, and in my current work-in-progress I reviewed WCW Uncensored 1996 and I think I was harsher on it than Scott.

Okay, to the book. There were only three shows in this that I had not seen – Girls Gone Wild, XPW Baptized In Blood, and NWA Bunkhouse Stampede 1988. This means that I can actually read what he has written and decide if what he says is true.

And it is.

The writing is full of the Scott Keith wit, and the matches are spelled out in his trademark detail. It is a quick read, and it is a fun read, though for younger readers, some of the pop culture references will go over heads; hell, I’m a few years older than him and I miss a few of them.

Some of the rants, though, do stand out.

The Wrestlemania XV one is great for those of us watching at the time. Now, I was actually in an anti-WWF phase from WM13 to WM2000, so I saw very little except on tape delay (up to 3 months in some cases), but the way Scott describes the whole Vince Russo directed clusterf**k that was that PPV is amazing. And, the scary thing is, it’s true. And the scarier thing is, after this he continues to be employed by wrestling organisations.

The Uncensored 1995 rant made me go back and rewatch it. Stupid! It was as bad as Keith said it was, and even then I think he may have over-rated some of the matches. Though not as horrid as Uncensored 1996 (my personal worst ever PPV of all time), it was still pretty damn atrocious.

And finally the Great American Bash 1991 (the Flair protest show) is probably one of his best show rants. He just rips everything apart. What is odd is that this was the first NWA/WCW video tape I ever saw, and yet I still continued to watch, even after this. (Mind you, wait for my WCW series coming up and you’ll see an even bigger act of stupidity on my behalf concerning the first WCW PPV shown in Australia and me buying it…) The descriptions here put you in that audience that was hostile and angry and completely unco-operative, and it would make you wish you had been there if only the wrestling had not been so goddamned awful.

Now, in the interests of me being actually fair and balanced… I think the book would have worked better in chronological order. At the moment the PPVs are all over the place. While I understand that by doing that you avoid having all the WCW ones together, and the WWE ones, etc, but it would give some sort of historical perspective. Also I think it lacks a 2013 Scott Says type of additional commentary throughout, maybe to explain some of the in-jokes or allusions to wrestling history that have been lost in the mists of time, or to explain what went on to happen. And finally, a quick edit to clean up some old errors in grammar, formatting, etc, would not have gone astray.

These, however, are minor quibbles. And, really, for 99 cents US you can’t really go wrong with an entertaining and fun little read.

Really recommended.

(Now, before you go… Have you filled in last week’s poll? How about looking at my own blog? Please?)
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The other bit of news has been WWE giving their quarterly shareholder stuff and, really, they aren’t going to be dying any time soon, and that’s all that should matter to us wrestling fans. We’re going to be stuck with WWE for a long, long, long time to come, it seems.

So, I was stuck for a column. Then, at training the other night, one of the guys asked this question, “Considering the way they were booked, who would have won – 1986 WWF Hulk Hogan or 1996 WWF Hulk Hogan?”

Wow, what a question. 1986 Hogan was the new face of professional wrestling as a pop culture commodity. He was there for the first Wrestlemania, beat King Kong Bundy in a cage and was heading towards 1987 and the Wrestlemania 3 showdown with Andre the Giant. He was beating all comers.

1996 Hogan, on the other hand, was the face of WCW, beating all comers, making the great Ric Flair look like a jobber and defeating or holding off as many as 8 other wrestlers by himself. He might take a loss here or there, but the outside interference for that to happen was normally off the charts. Even when Hulk wasn’t around, the others talked about him. He was the complete and utter centre of attention. And so when the nWo came along, he was the central focus of that group as well.

I think, judging by booking alone, 1996 Hogan would have won easily after weeks of pathetic build. But that’s just my opinion.

So who would have won? 1986 WWF Hulk Hogan or 1996 WCW ‘Immortal’ ‘Hollywood’ Hulk Hogan?

  So who else was there?   Let’s look at CM Punk. In 2005 Punk – then with Ring Of Honour – signed a deal with WWE. Thus started 3 months of chaos known as the ‘Summer of Punk’. He beat all comers and ran rough-shod over the locker-room until losing, in the end to Colt Cabana. Fast forward to 2012. Punk is the WWE World Heavyweight champion, and holds that title for 434 days, a modern-era record. Even though he has used help at times, he beats all comers until losing to the Rock.   So who would win? 2005 ROH “Summer of Punk” CM Punk or 2012 WWE “434 day champion” CM Punk?

Mick Foley is an interesting study. By the time he left WCW, ‘Cactus Jack’ was an insane wrestler who would take insane bumps and use bizarre mental tactics to get any win he could. His battles with Sting and Big Bad Vader were legendary. And then he came into WWE and ‘Mankind’ was born. This was the Mick Foley who won the WWE Title and was thrown off the Hell in a Cell. He was taking more and more insane bumps, but was a step or two slower in the ring. Still, he was booked to be a 3-time WWE champion.

So who would win? 1993 WCW Cactus Jack or 1998 WWF Mankind?

In 1995 a huge man named Paul Wight entered WCW. Billed as ‘The Giant’, he was alleged to be the son of Andre the Giant and won the WCW title from Hulk Hogan in his first match. By 1996 he was having better than watchable matches and running roughshod over the competition, eventually defeating Ric Flair for the title before losing it to Hogan due to a lot of outside interference. This Giant could throw dropkicks and chokeslam literally anyone. In 1999, during the St Valentine’s Day Massacre PPV, a huge man emerged from beneath the ring during the Vince McMahon-Steve Austin cage match and destroyed Austin, though it led to Austin’s victory. This was the Big Nasty, later the Big Show born in WWF. By year’s end he was the WWF champion as well, and his matches were generally regarded as watchable. So who would win? 1996 WCW The Giant or 2000 WWF The Big Show?

In 1998 a legitimate gold medallist named Kurt Angle debuted in the WWF. His skills in the ring were smooth and clean, and it did not take him long to embrace the sports entertainment culture of life in the televised circus, winning the WWE title on numerous occasions. His bouts in 2000 and 2001 were legendary, especially his series of matches against Chris Benoit. Then came 2006-7 and the first years in TNA. A noticeably smaller Angle beat all comers – including stopping Samoa Joe’s undefeated streak – and upped the intensity in the ring on his way to TNA gold. He was a big deal in a smaller pond, but he was booked to be a wrestling god.

So who would win? 2001 WWE Kurt Angle or 2007 TNA Kurt Angle?

As always, comments are more than welcome.

And that’s the end of another view.

 
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Now, in my opinion, the Ryback turn was not too bad. What he said in what was probably the best promo he has cut in the WWE made sense – he was there for Cena but it wasn’t reciprocated. Cool. I get that. The problem is: it came a little bit out of the blue, and it’s Ryback doing the turning, who we as an audience really haven’t become emotionally invested in. Hell, half the audiences still chant, “Goldberg!” at him whenever he wrestles.

So, what were some of the best turns in wrestling, heel and face? I’ve watched WWF/E for a number of years, a little bit of AWA, a fair whack of TNA, and more than was probably healthy of WCW, as well as a lot of the local stuff and bits and pieces elsewhere, so if your favourite turn isn’t in here, then I may not have seen it.

Worth mentioning:

Bret Hart – my problem with the Bret Hart turn was not that he turned heel or that Austin turned face at the same time (though he really became a tweener, not a full-blown face), it was that the turn was not complete. Some have said – and I sort of agree – that it was really well done in that it changed his character. But he only actually turned heel in the USA. In Canada it solidified him as a complete hero. In Australia we agreed with what he was saying as well, so we treated him like we always had. It was only a half-turn. It was unique, but it wasn’t really a turn.

Andy “Voodoo” Roy – from my local promotion of RCW. His turn was done slowly, building up over a long time, but it was sort of foreshadowed when his girlfriend turned heel. But the way he turned on his best friend Chris ‘Mimic’ Basso after teasing it for so long, and them being so good together, and Mimic not believing that he could do it, was done just brilliantly, especially for a promotion that puts on a show a month.

Now to my list.

Number 5: Batista. Batista and Rey Mysterio were buddies. They tagged together, but they were thrown into a 4-way match where they were opponents. Rey cost Batista the victory and the title. Batista in return killed him. I liked the intensity Batista brought to his heel role at this point, and thought he had some of the best matches of his career as a result. Now, I know this one is going to get a lot of negativity, but I liked it, especially when he got the chair and instead of hitting Rey just sat on it and talked to him.

Number 4: Andre the Giant. It started innocuously enough – Andre got a trophy for being so damn dominant in the ring for so long, and Hulk Hogan was there to congratulate him. The next week, Hogan got a bigger trophy for being champ for a while (though not even close to Sammartino or Backlund). Andre got a little bit jealous. Then, on Piper’s Pit he asked for a title shot. Hogan cited friendship as a reason not to. Andre went and got Bobby Heenan to manage him, and the rest, as they say, is history. Little rushed, especially for the time, but still well done.

Number 3: Tommy Dreamer. Dreamer was hated by the Philly crowds. They loved to see him get beat up and lose. He was a pretty boy and played it up. One of those narcissistic heels wrestling loves so much. Then he had a match with the Sandman where the loser had to be beaten with a Singapore cane by the winner. Dreamer lost. But then, after the mandatory number of strikes (10? 15? I can’t remember… Wikipedia tells me it was 10, so take that for what it’s worth), Dreamer muttered those words that made him a legend: “Thank-you, sir, may I have another?” He got it. And he asked again. With that one repeated request he went from heel to legend who could take a beating and ask for more. He – and ECW – never looked back.

Number 2: Hulk Hogan. Bash at the Beach was set up. Three of WCW’s finest against Kevin Nash and Scott Hall and their mystery partner. The WCW guys were stuck when Luger was knocked out before getting to the ring. Hall and Nash were dominating. Sting was on the outside and Savage was at their mercy. Then out ran Hulk Hogan. He chased off Hall and Nash… and then dropped the leg on Savage. Yes, it came out of the blue, but it reinvigorated a stale character and arguably led to one of the biggest changes in the wrestling landscape – the coming of the nWo and the era of a cool heel and WCW domination of wrestling.

Number 1: Randy Savage. He was a heel when he entered WWF. But, because of his sheer skill and the attractiveness of Miss Elizabeth, his manager, crowds were cheering him. And then came Wrestlemania 4 and his title win in the tournament. Hulk Hogan was there to help him, the crowd cheered him even more, and the Megapowers were born. Over the course of the next six months they faced all challengers, alone and together, but always had one another’s back. However, Savage became increasingly paranoid about Hogan and Miss Elizabeth until Savage started to keep an eye on Hogan. Then he accused Hogan of wanting Liz for himself, as finally evidenced by the tag match where Liz was injured and Hogan walked out on Savage to take her to the back. Afterwards, Savage attacked Hulk. So we came to Wrestlemania 5 and it was a newly heel champion Savage against Hogan. Hogan won and Savage lost his mind. But he did win King of the Ring and Macho King gained Queen Sherri as his new consort. But he was still losing it more and more until, at Wrestlemania 6, he and Sherri faced the everyman Dusty Rhodes with Sapphire… and Miss Elizabeth. But Savage wanted to be on top, and so he cost the new WWF champion, the Ultimate Warrior, his title. So we come to Wrestlemania 7 and the career match, Warrior v Savage. After my favourite ever Wrestlemania match, Warrior won and he left the ring. Sherri attacked Savage for being a loser. He had lost literally everything. But Miss Elizabeth jumped out of the crowd to make the save and Savage accepted her and he was the face again. (It’s the Star Wars – Anakin Skywalker story. Seriously. From Attack of the Clones through to Return of the Jedi.) The greatest turn/s in wrestling, done by one man, back and forth, but it all meant something and did not come out of nowhere.

Okay, so how did I mess up this week? Agree? Disagree? See something I haven’t? (I never saw WCCW, so the Freebirds-Von Erichs turn was something I only saw on Triumph and Tragedy of WCCW on DVD. I also never saw the Windham heel turn. I understand they are also great. That’s the sort of thing I want to hear about.)

And that’s another view done.

 
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So, as per the regulations, here’s mine, and – surprise! – it’s a list column. Deal with it.

The 5 Wrestlemania matches that disappointed me the most.

These aren’t matches that were dull or bad, but matches that I went into hoping for something a lot more than I actually got.

5. Wrestlemania IV – WWF Title Tournament Round 1: Greg Valentine def Ricky Steamboat by pinfall. Okay, I get that it was a tournament, but for these two to have such a short match and then Steamboat to be done and the rematch between him and Savage to never happen. Very disappointing, maybe more in what could have been.

4. Wrestlemania XXV – World Title: HHH def Randy Orton. At the time they were both on a bit of a tear, but this match was a dull, overlong, plodding affair that closed the show and killed it dead. The hopes for this match being good were there, but what they delivered was not good at all.

3. Wrestlemania XI – Intercontinental Title: Razor Ramon def Jeff Jarrett by DQ. This meant Jarrett kept the title. This match just felt odd, which was strange because at the time I thought both men had a lot of momentum and were showing some of the goods in the ring. But the match just did not work, and the DQ ending with the Road Dogg and 1-2-3 Kid interfering felt like it was just setting up a tag match for later on, which is not what a Wrestlemania match should do.

2. Wrestlemania XIII – Tag Team Titles: Owen Hart & The British Bulldog v Mankind & Vader ended in a double count-out. I liked every single one of these wrestlers, and the thought of some good, old-fashioned tag team goodness was the one thing in this PPV I was looking forward to (the Hart-Austin match was a very pleasant surprise and made the PPV just watchable). But this was dull and plodding with a double DQ ending. What happened? Did they all undergo a talent lobotomy for a week?

1. Wrestlemania 2 – Don Muraco and Paul Orndorff went to a double count-out of the ring. I was looking forward to this match, the battle of the pile-drivers, two big, strong men trying to kill one another. And when I saw it was the opening match I knew they’d pull out all stops to get the crowd pumped. Instead, what we got was rest-hold city, dull kicking and punching and then a double count-out. Blah.

So, there you have it. Remember, these were matches that had promised to deliver something more than they did. I mean, no-one in their right mind expected Miz-Cena or Undertaker-Bundy to be classics, and, sure enough, they weren’t. No, these were matches that should have been so much better than they were.

Agree? Disagree? Sound off in the comments section!

 
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It’s been far, FAR too long since we had a “WiaA” post and all of this great artwork was backing up on my computer. These should be shared with as many eyes as possible so it was about time these were published.

As always, if you know or are the artist of any of these pieces, PLEASE comment below so we can give you credit and thank you for sharing your talent!

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This past fortnight I did another one of them.

I loaded a heap of songs onto my laptop and went to a place where a bunch of music lovers were hanging out. I split the music into three categories – classic rock, rap & hip-hop, and country. I then asked the people to look at songs from whatever categories they liked the music from and give them a score out of 10.

Now here’s the kicker: every song was sung whole or in part by a wrestler.

No: I didn’t make them listen to entire songs; I had 37 songs and a minute or so of each was enough. And each song had to have a video clip of some sort that I could get hold of AND that was at least a little bit related to the song, not just a still photo while the song played in the background. Only 5 people sat through the whole lot, stating they liked all music genres. Also, the people on the whole were split about 20-80 wrestling fans to non-fans.

I then asked participants if any of them knew of any other songs featuring wrestlers they liked. That is how the Rock and Wyclef Jean made this list. Enough people said it existed and gave it a score for it to appear here.

A few suggested wrestling theme songs, but this is songs that actually have a wrestler down as one of the performers. Quite a few did not make the top of each category (obviously), so if your favourite isn’t here, there’s a chance (a) the wrestler didn’t sing it, or (b) it didn’t make the top whatever, or (c) I couldn’t find a video, or (d) I didn’t know it existed.

Section 1: ROCK

Rock and roll, 80s rock, hair metal, that sort of thing. 15 songs were included, and here are the top 5.

5. Jesse Ventura – ‘I’ve Got The Body’

Classic 80s bit of fluff rock. Play air guitar and do air body poses as this tune pumps out across the neighbourhood. “I’ve got the body and I’ve got the moves” indeed.
Average score: 4.9/10

4. WWF Wrestlers – ‘Land Of 1000 Dances’

A cheesy but fun version of the Chris Kenner classic. To quote one of the girls who watched it: “They can’t sing and they don’t care! I love that!”
Average score: 5.2/10

3. Junkyard Dog – ‘Grab Them Cakes’

Oh yes! I loved this song when I was a kid, and I am so glad it got good votes.
Average score: 6.5/10

2. Koko B. Ware – ‘Piledriver’

This guy has a great voice! It also has one of the better music videos from 1980s wrestling.
Average score: 6.7/10

1. Michael Hayes – ‘Badstreet USA’

A surprise favourite for the people I interviewed. One of the groups I showed it to insisted on watching the whole video and by the end of the second viewing they were doing the Michael Hayes impersonations and having a good time. What more can I say?
Average score: 7.1/10

Section 2: RAP/HIP-HOP

Let me say from the outset that this sort of music is music I dislike. But I know it is popular so I found easily the largest number of songs to play – 15 were included but there were more than 20 I could find. I picked the 15 I did purely by whether I had heard of the songs before. So there are 15 songs, but as I mentioned there was a 16th ring-in. Here’s the top 5, with a tie for 5th.

=5. MVP – ‘Holla To The World’

Viewer quote: “That’s pretty good for a wrestler.”
Average score: 6.8/10

=5. Zack Ryder – ‘Hoeski’

Viewer quote: “That’s pretty funny and cool. But that guy doesn’t look like a wrestler.”
Average score: 6.8/10

4. Randy Savage – ‘Perfect Friend’

Viewer quote: “Oh, that’s so sad. He must really have liked that guy.” (She was serious; she meant sad as in depressing, upsetting.)
Average score: 6.9/10

3. Wyclef Jean & The Rock – ‘It Doesn’t Matter’

Viewer Quote: “I love the Rock and this song is just so awesome.”
Average score: 7.3/10

2. John Cena – ‘Bad, Bad Man’

Viewer quote: “I heard this before I knew he was a wrestler. He’s a pretty good rapper.”
Average score: 7.5/10

1. John Cena – ‘My Time Is Now’

Viewer Quote: “I heard that song at the basketball the other week. It’s not too bad, is it?”
Average score: 7.8/10

Section 3: COUNTRY
I could only find 7 country songs actually sung by wrestlers, so here are the top 4. I don’t mind country music, but it’s certainly not my favourite.

4. Hillbilly Jim – ‘Don’t Go Messin’ With A Country Boy’
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Old-fashioned country music that is really a bit of fun. Can’t deny it’s catchy.
Average score: 5.8/10

3. Mickie James – ‘Hardcore Country’

This one featured much higher than I would have expected, but the people who judged it liked her and her voice. Seriously.
Average score: 6/10

2. West Texas Rednecks – ‘Rap Is Crap’

Like many of the country songs, it’s a little bit cheaty as the wrestlers only join in on the chorus, but I am glad this featured so high. Curt Hennig looks like he is having the best time. And what gets me is that, in front of southern USA audiences, this was supposed to be the song of a heel group.
Average score: 7.2/10

1. James Storm and Montgomery Gentry – ‘Longnecks And Rednecks’

Another cheat with Storm only featuring in the chorus, but it came out well ahead.
Average score: 7.8/10

Section 4: REJECTED
This section is across the three genres, and features the songs that received an average score of less than 1 out of 10. Some surprises here, but some that fully deserve their position.

AWA Wrestlers – ‘Wrestlerock Rumble’

One of 2 songs that got not one single solitary vote at all whatsoever.
Average score: 0/10

Hulk Hogan – ‘I Want To Be A Hulkamaniac’

And the second song. One guy actually asked me if he could give a negative score and another what this was doing in the rap/hip-hop section. Fair call.
Average score: 0/10

Jerry Lawler – ‘Wimpbusters’

Let’s get the party started (or whatever the cool kids say these days)! Well, if you want to start your wrestling themed party, can there be any better than Jerry ‘The King’ Lawler do a poor man’s Weird Al Yankovic impersonation with a parody song of his own? Can there? Didn’t think so.
Average score: 0.4/10

Shawn Michaels – ‘Sexy Boy’

This surprised me, but maybe some people just don’t appreciate narcissism in music.
Average score: 0.7/10

John Cena – ‘Right Now’

After featuring so well already, there is this. Ah well, swings and roundabouts.
Average score: 0.7/10

R-Truth – ‘What’s Up’

To quote one viewer: “What in the hell is he saying?”
Average score: 0.9/10

So there you go. 21 modern music classics (and that term here is used completely wrongly). Enjoy and I hope the ear-worms don’t kill you.

 
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     Since one of TNA’s “big 4″ PPVs in live tonight (Lockdown), I figured it was about time I was able to examine TNA Wrestling a little more closely in 2013.

     Now it’s no secret I’m a TNA fan… or I should say was. It’s not just what they’ve done to the product over the last few years or the people they’ve brought in or pushed, it’s more of the fact that I just don’t have time for TNA. Since WWE has moved Monday Night Raw to 3 hours every week, I cover a “10 Thoughts” column on that show, follow that up with writing news articles from the fallout of a 3 hour show as well as the next day’s taping of a 2 hour SmackDown and trying to keep up with what is going on in the constantly improving NXT developmental territory. Plus the addition of a podcast Thursdays (The Creatively Endeavored Wrestling Pulsecast that you can find on BlogTalkRadio.com or on iTunes) and monthly interviews with the likes of Jake “The Snake” Roberts, “Diamond” Dallas Page, Rob Schamberger, Adam Cole and more. God forbid it be a PPV week as well! And that’s just my “wrestling business” life! While I work on these passion projects, I also have a day job to pay the bills, a Victorian house from the 1800s that we’re still trying to get settled into & renovate, a 2-year-old that epitomizes the “terrible twos” while being wickedly awesome at the same time and a wife who tries to support me in everything I’m trying to do while also carrying a baby! The Harrak household is just one project, chore, event, job or playtime after another with hardly time to sleep or eat. When we first moved into our home, we decided to “name” it “Serenity” as it was our one safe haven (and that Firefly was a badass TV show). But now I’m thinking we might need to rename it to “The Thunderdome”. Unfortunately the piece that’s been left by the wayside in all of this has been TNA.

     The problem is that I WANT to watch TNA. The same way that I always WANT to LIKE Impact. A part of me always has a soft spot for the little company that grew out of the fairgrounds into a theme park and now out on the road. Despite all the bad decisions and pitfalls of the past, TNA is growing. It’s taking that next step we all thought it should, it’s taking its main TV show on the road to arenas across the nation. I’m excited for that and I feel justified in feeling that way. But in preparation of tonight’s Lockdown PPV, I made sure to do my due diligence and catch up on all the Impact shows I have missed since the last PPV. It took me a lot of YouTube hours but I got through them and while as expected there was some bad, there was also a lot of good scattered throughout the 12 hours of TV. But instead of giving you a 10 Thoughts column on each and every week of Impact, I figured it would be better for all of our sanities to combine these shows into this one, pre-PPV article.

The Aces & Eights Angle

     Talk about a slow burn of an angle. This is especially unique considering it’s pro-wrestling AND TNA. Now the major question remains, is this angle working? The first reveal of Devon was shocking but underwhelming. The additions of Mike Knox and DOC were great for the TNA roster but they haven’t done much but stand in the background and look imposing. Mr. Anderson’s involvement was completely random. A former WWE potential main eventer that got lost in the overfull TNA locker room. Then came these two:

     I don’t know if I’ve ever seen two more unimposing “bikers” in my life. The addition of D-Lo Brown was obvious from the beginning and while I had my doubts at first, I saw the promos he cut on this last episode of Impact and remember just how good of a stick man he really is. As long as he’s only regulated to the microphone, there might be a way to save this angle yet. That is if they are smart enough to get Taz off of commentary (or out of Aces & Eights) and to NOT reveal Eric Bischoff as the “president” (which I think we all believe will happen).

The Rebirth Of Bully Ray

     Bubba Ray Dudley, Buh-Buh Dudley, Brother Ray & Bully Ray. 22 years in the professional wrestling business at 41 years old and the man Mark LoMonaco is having the absolute best years of his career, both in the ring and out. Ray is consistently the best part of Impact, his promos feel real, his work ethic has become top-notch and the management brass has given him the opportunity to sink or swim on his own. And he’s swimming like Michael Phelps (when the gold medalist wasn’t high). The fact that he’s involved with both Hulk and Brooke Hogan is TNA’s way of giving him the golden rub even if the average TNA Wrestling fan would prefer that this wasn’t a part of Bully Ray’s ascent to the main event. Very few people ever expected Bully Ray to become a World Champion, in any major organization. But Ray IS 41 years old and the time to strike for him is now. If this current push doesn’t end with a Bully Ray title run, I highly doubt the perennial tag team champion will ever become a world champion.

The Gamble On Jeff Hardy

     On September 11, 2009, Jeff Hardy was arrested on charges of trafficking in controlled prescription pills and possession of anabolic steroids, after a search of his house yielded 262 Vicodin prescription pills, 180 Soma prescription pills, 555 milliliters of anabolic steroids, a residual amount of powder cocaine, and drug paraphernalia. On March 13, 2010 at the Victory Road PPV, Hardy lost to Sting in a 90 second main event match when Jeff stumbled down to the ring clearly inebriated. The next day, TNA severed all storyline ties with Hardy and was left off of TV until August of 2011. Since his return, Hardy hasn’t even placed a pinky toe out of line and has been a model of professionalism and sobriety. Where or how this sudden change happened, no one is really sure but it seems to be sticking. When TNA took the chance of putting their world title on Hardy, EVERYONE questioned the decision. But since October of last year, Jeff Hardy has been the cornerstone of the company, turning in great performances against Austin Aries, Bobby Roode and Christopher Daniels. In 2010, Jeff Hardy was never supposed to wrestle in a major company again. Now in 2013, he’s proven everyone wrong, grown as a person and performer and can truly be looked at as TNA’s #1 guy. I don’t know how he’s doing it but here’s hoping he stays on the right track.

The Future Of TNA

     Austin Aries. James Storm. Kenny King. Magnus. Samoa Joe. AJ Styles. These are just some of the men on the TNA roster that are 35 years of age or younger. I’d say that pretty much any promoter in the world would start a company with these 6 guys as their core roster. That makes TNA’s immediate future very bright. Add in veterans like Kurt Angle, Bully Ray, Sting, Mr. Anderson, Jeff Hardy & Christopher Daniels and it APPEARS as if TNA is on the cusp of that rare time in wrestling when your roster is the perfect blend of young guns and veterans. The last great time period we witnessed this there were two companies that took over pop culture. The WWF had Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Sid, The Undertaker, Vader, British Bulldog and Owen Hart along with “blue chippers” like The Rock, Triple H, Steve Austin, Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Edge and Christian just to name a few. WCW had Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Randy Savage, Ric Flair, Sting & Lex Luger while developing Chris Jericho, Eddie Guerrero, Rey Mysterio, Bill Goldberg, Chris Benoit, Booker T & The Giant. I am no way saying that today’s TNA is as good as either of these rosters but the potential for a roster like either WWF’s or WCW’s from 1997 is there if the stars align. It’ll take work, commitment, good writing/booking and consistency.

     TNA has the cards in place. They’re going on the road full-time and have a mixed roster full of potential. If they capitalize on that now, I think we’ll be seeing even more improvement from the small territory that started in fairgrounds only 11 years ago.
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As of this writing, 2,356 people have signed the petition, and 97,644 more signatures are needed by April 4th, 2013 to reach the goal of 100,000 signatures. You do have to create an account to sign the petition but it’s a government website and very easy to use. You can click here to sign.
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Quick Quip: To the “fan” who “haggled” him down to $5, I’m sorry but the man has resorted to essentially panhandling in the subway system and you felt the need to talk him down in price for a photo? You are not a fan but a leech.
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Despite being claimed to be worth $1,000,000, the Million Dollar Championship actually only costs $40,000. DiBiase would then follow that to say, “That was in 1988. Today, it’s worth even more. It was gold plate, which is not much, but all of the stones are cubic zirconia, which means they’re almost diamonds. And there’s like 700 of them in the title.”
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As always, if you are or know of the artist of a certain piece, please let me know in the comments so he or she can receive the credit they greatly deserve!

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Anyway, this is kind of long, but if you feel so inclined, read and enjoy…

The Ultimate Rumble of Royal Destiny

Live on pay-per-view from “Parts Unknown”…

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon, Jesse “The Body” Ventura and Jim Ross

Video package to start, showcasing all of the previous Rumble winners…

…then the pyro hits!

Monsoon welcomes everyone to the Ultimate Rumble of Royal Destiny, where all previous Royal Rumble winners will be in action, as well as “a few surprises promised by Vince McMahon” to round out the field of 30 superstars.

Lillian Garcia opens the show with “America the Beautiful,” which is still not the National Anthem, a point Ventura brings up but he is ignored by his broadcast partners.

Howard Finkle is in the ring to review the rules of the Rumble. He notes that thanks to “modern technology” every winner of the Rumble from years past is here tonight and in top shape. He also notes that since this is the only match on the card, the Ultimate Rumble of Royal Destiny will be conducted with a new superstar joining the match with 5 minute intervals.

“That’s almost two and a half hours,” notes JR. “Good math,” quips Jesse.

The bell rings and our first competitor is on their way to the ring…

#1 Rey Mysterio (2006 winner)

Rey high fives his way to the ring and leaps in, awating his opponent. Japanese-style music begins to play. Jesse snickers.

#2 Yokozuna (1993 winner)

Yokozina has Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette with him. “Mysterio is about to get squashed,” says Jesse. Monsoon lets one of his “Will you stop?” admonishings.

Rey flips and flops all over Yokozuna to no effect. ‘Zuna finally swats him down casually. Rey tries a different approach, dropkicking Yokozuna’s knees repeatedly and sticking-and-moving until finally the big man falls to a kneeling position and then against the ropes, setting up the 619. Rey dives through the ropes for the move, but Cornette smacks him with his patented tennis racket, knocking Rey to the floor.

“Ha! Ha! What a stupid move,” says Jesse. “He’s out already!”

“He’s not out,” notes JR. “He went through the ropes, not over the top.”

A gaggle of referees surround Cornette and eventually send him to the back. While the refs are distracted, Rey makes it to his feet and into the ring, and nails the 619 on a still prone Yokozuna. They mix it up for a minute or so as the countdown brings the next entrant.

#3 Big John Studd (1989 winner)

Studd climbs into the ring and the three men have a stand-off. Finally, Studd takes aim at Yokozuna, nailing a big boot to the face. Yoko scrambles back into the corner, where Mysterio tries a hurricarana, but Yoko shakes him off. Studd charges into the corner with a vertical splash on Yokozuna. He motions for Rey to climb on his shoulders and Rey does so, nailing a flying drop kick from 8 feet in the air. Yoko collapses and Rey moves in for another move but he’s intercepted by Studd, who grabs him and launches him over the top, but Rey hangs on. Yokozuna recovers and tussles with Studd, each attempting a body slam no no avail, while Rey eases back into the ring. The countdown begins again.

#4 Edge (2010 winner)

“You think you know me,” and a big pop from the crowd. Edge races to the ring. Spear for Studd! Spear for ‘Zuna! He shakes hands with Mysterio, but then quickly turns on him, nailing the Edgecution. The crowd boos.

“That’s despicable!” Monsoon cries!

“It’s every man for himself!” retorts Jesse. He also notes that Edge is his early favorite to win the whole thing. JR thinks it’s too early for Edge to last, but notes that Edge has always had the reputation of being an opportunist.

Edge and Mysterio go at it. Yokozuna is slow to get up. He makes his way to the corner where Fuji appears to be giving him advice. Studd recovers and charges at Yoko. Yoko turns and nails Studd with ceremonial salt which he had just gotten from Fuji. Blinded, Studd is caught near the ropes and Yoko dumps him, marking the first elimination at the 12:45 mark. Rey and Edge decide to call a truce and double team Yoko, but they can’t get the big man over the top. Fuji takes a swing at Rey with the Japanese flag, and referee Joey Marella has seen enough, sending Fuji to the back. As Yokozuna protests, Edge launches Rey at Yoko’s back sending him over the top and out to a big pop.

#5 is “The Animal” Batista (2005 winner)

Batista and Edge square off while Rey takes a breather in the corner. He occasionally sneaks in a shot on both men. No one gets eliminated as the next competitor is pending. The countdown hits “0” and there’s the distinctive sound of shattering glass!

#6 “Stone Cold” Steve Austin (1997 winner)

Austin storms the ring as Ventura and Monsoon wonder how “Stone Cold’s” three Rumble wins will be handled. Monsoon says not to worry about it, just watch, because “business is about to pick up!”

Stunner for Edge! Stunner for Rey! Stunner for Batista is blocked. Batista hits a spinebuster on Austin. They brawl for a while. Rey and Edge recover and resume their battle. Austin pounds away on Batista in a corner and flips him the double bird. Eventually, the countdown resumes.

#7 Andre the Giant (special entry)

Ventura goes ballistic. “What’s he doing here? He never won the Royal Rumble!”

Monsoon: “Mr. McMahon promised some big surprises. They don’t come much bigger than Andre!”

JR notes that Andre the Giant has won more traditional battle royals than anyone else in history and that he definitely deserves a spot in the Ultimate Rumble.

The other four men stop and decide to gang up on Andre. They pound him into a corner and begin the arduous task of trying to get the 8th Wonder of the World off his feet. Andre flexes and throws all four men off like flies. The crowd goes nuts. Now they try a different approach, attacking one at a time. Spear by Edge! Dropkick by Rey! Andre stumbles, but bounces off the ropes right into a spinebuster by Batista. Dave celebrates but walks right into a stunner from Austin, which actually draws boos. They brawl as the clock runs down again.

#8 Hulk Hogan (1990 winner)

Hogan storms the ring as the crowd goes wild. He goes right after Andre. They exchange blows as everyone else pauses to watch. Andre pounds away, but Hulk “hulks up” and gets the upper hand. He scoops up Andre and slams him down. He rushes the ropes to hit the big leg drop and is unceremoniously clotheslined over the top and out by Austin at the 31:15 mark, continuing to draw the ire of the crowd. As Austin jaws with the fans, Mysterio and Edge sneak up and dump Austin to a big pop at 31:30. They then turn to Batista, but he fights them off as Andre regains his footing. Andre grabs Edge from behind and hits a powerful headbutt. Andre then grabs Rey and uses him as a club to nail Batista. The countdown begins again.

#9 Lex Luger (1994 co-winner)

As the All-American Total Package makes his way to the ring, Jesse notes “I want an asterisk next to this guy. He only won half a Rumble with that vastly overrated Bret Hart. I’m not even sure he should be here at all. JR runs down the history of the ’94 Rumble and how Bret managed to parlay the co-win into a WWF title win at Wrestlemania X, while Luger never did win the WWF title.
Luger is met on the apron by Batista. The two flex and pose, showing off their impressive physiques to each other and the crowd. They go for a test of strength which goes back and forth before being broken up by Edge, resulting in a three-way brawl while Andre casually mauls Rey. The muscle men dump Edge, but he hangs on, just barely. Jesse gloats at Edge’s resiliency and dares either of the other two commentators to predict a winner.

“I don’t see anyone getting Andre out of there,” says Monsoon, “but I’m going to go with…the last man in the ring!”

JR touts Austin as the winner. When Ventura notes that Austin has already come and gone, JR quips, “Never say never, when it comes to Austin,” as the countdown hits again.

#10 Shawn Michaels (1995 winner)

Shawn glides to the ring on a zip line. He gets almost to the ring canvas but Andre grabs the cord and dangles the Heartbreak Kid in the air. Shawn begs off, but Andre tears the cord off and dumps Shawn over the top rope. Shawn pitches a fit on the floor. He argues that he can’t be eliminated because he never actually touched the ring surface. Referee Earl Hebner eventually sides with HBK and lets him in the ring. Batista nails him as soon as he’s in. He whips him over to Luger who hoists him up in the Torture Rack. While he’s up there, Edge spears Luger, sending both Luger and HBK over the top and out at 43:40 and 43:41 respectively. Batista and Andre square off while Rey and Edge go back at it as the countdown resumes. “Hoooooooooooooooo!”

#11 “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan (1988 winner)

“Here’s the winner of the original Royal Rumble,” notes JR. Duggan is brandishing his signature 2×4, so everyone gives him room as he parades around the ring. Finally, Andre makes a move, chopping Duggan down. He springs back up and “Hoooooo!”s in Andre’s face. Andre chops him again. Duggan staggers back and drops down to a 3-point stance. He rushes Andre and hits him up high. Andre falls against the ropes. Duggan tries to flip him out. Everyone else joins in but Andre hangs on, bounces off the ropes, and tosses everyone off. Duggan staggers back and goes into the 3-point stance again. He rushes Andre, but Andre moves and Duggan hits Batista instead, Batista goes into a rage, puts Duggan through a Demon Bomb, and tosses him out at 49:45. Everyone tries to catch their breath as the countdown clock starts up again.

#12 Chris Benoit (2004 winner)

Benoit slides under the bottom rope. Andre begins stomping him immediately. He manages to make it to his feet, but eats a spear from Edge. Batista throws Benoit over the top. He hangs on, but Rey dropkicks him off the apron, eliminating him at 51:02. Edge tries to dump Rey, but he is saved by Batista. Edge and Batista trade elimination attempts while Andre, winded in the corner, fends off a flurry of blows from Mysterio. Andre grabs Rey by the head and squeezes, and then tosses him over, but Rey collapses on the apron and does not fall off. Batista and Edge double-team Andre. He powers through, clotheslining both men down. Andre stands tall as the countdown hits zero. The lights go out. Then “Gong!”

#13 The Undertaker (2007 winner)

When the lights come back on Undertaker is already standing in the ring, behind Andre, who is watching the entrance area. He turns around and he and ‘Taker have a stare down. Monsoon notes that Untertaker rarely has to look up to anyone. Jesse says, “I’ve been told Andre has always looked up to me.”

Undertaker takes the first shot, but Andre blocks it. Andre chops ‘Taker, but ‘Taker no-sells it. He shoves Andre, but Andre grabs him and delivers a head butt. ‘Taker stumbles to the ropes and comes bouncing back with a forearm to Andre’s skull. The giant shakes his head and smiles and evil smile. ‘Taker responds in kind and the two begin pummeling each other. Edge, Rey, and Batista all find a corner to sit and watch the two behemoths trade blows and recuperate. Finally, a double clothesline spot and both men hit the canvas. Batista is out of his corner. He goes after Andre. They get tangled up in the ropes and struggle with one another. Undertaker does the zombie sit-up, but is immediately dropkicked by Mysterio. He does the sit-up again, and another dropkick. The third time Mysterio eats a spear out of nowhere from Edge. Edge’s save is rewarded by ‘Taker with a choke-slam on to Rey’s prone body. The countdown kicks in again. The corner posts erupt into flames as the music hits for…

#14 Kane (special entry)

“Another non-winner,” protests Ventura, “but I like his style.” JR notes that Kane holds the record for both Rumble appearances (13) and most eliminations in a single Rumble (11 in 2001), which is probably what earned him a spot in the Ultimate Rumble.

Kane heads straight for Undertaker. The two feign coming to blows, engage in a quick embrace and then turn and level Andre. Kane clotheslines the giant down. Taker drops a knee on Andre’s chest. He picks Andre up and he and Kane double choke-slam the giant. They scoop him up and dump him over and out at the 1:02:15 mark. Andre draws a huge ovation from the fans. Monsoon notes that Rey has been in the ring for over an hour now. No sooner has Gorilla said the words when Kane grabs Rey by the throat and dumps him over the top and out. However, he incredibly lands on the prone body of Andre and does not hit the floor. Jesse protests while JR and Monsoon goad him on. Kane and Undertaker go to work. Double-goozle on Batista, and he’s gone at 1:03:35. Edge gets a tombstone from ‘Taker and is casually tossed by Kane at 1:04:10. Jesse takes more flack from JR and Gorilla about his pick being gone. Rey jumps from Andre to the ring apron and rolls back into the ring. He stares at the Brothers of Destruction as the countdown hits zero again.

#15 Brock Lesnar (2003 winner)

Lesnar rushes the ring, shoves Mysterio aside and delivers a flying shoulder block to Kane and ‘Taker. Monsoon notes we have reached the halfway point of the match as it’s clobberin’ time for Lesnar. JR notes that Mysterio has now broken the all-time longevity record for the Rumble, now at over one hour and seven minutes. Kane and ‘Taker finally get the upper hand on Brock, but he’s still faring pretty well considering his adversaries. The clock hits “0” again.

#16 Bret “Hitman” Hart (1994 co-winner)

Hart is jumped from behind by Shawn Michaels on his way to the ring. They brawl on the ramp and down to the ringside area, where the referees try to break them up. Rey has recovered enough to help Brock in his battle against the Brothers, while Bret and Shawn continue to fight. Shawn finds a char and levels Bret with it. He nails him again and stands tall over his rival. Monsoon asks what Michaels is trying to prove. The countdown begins again.

#17 Shawn Michaels (1996 winner)

Michaels grins and jumps up on the apron, stepping in. The crowd boos.

“He’s already been eliminated,” says Monsoon.

“Yeah but he won the Rumble twice, you idiot,” Jesse gloats.

“Remember you said that,” JR says knowingly.

He grabs Rey from behind and tosses him out. This time there is no miracle save and Mysterio is gone at 1:16:22. The crowd boos Shawn almost out of the building before giving Rey a standing ovation and a “Rey!” chant. Shawn goads the crowd, but turns into a big right hand from Undertaker, which he sells with a 360-degree spin. Meanwhile, Rey gets to his feet and finds Bret, sitting him up and checking on him. He gets the “Hitman” up and to his feet. Bret assures him he’s okay and ambles over to the ring. He’s met by Kane and they square off while HBK and ‘Taker fight. Lesnar stands in the corner, content to let the four men waste energy and wear each other down. The countdown clock fires up again.

#18 “Nature Boy” Ric Flair (1992 winner)

The opening notes of “Thus Spake Zarathustra” begin to play, and Flair struts out. He takes his time heading to the ring, in no hurry. Ventura notes how smart that is. Also, Flair has Bobby “The Brain” Heenan in tow. Monsoon scoffs at Heenan’s presence.

Flair finally enters, still taking his time. He steps back out onto the apron, continues to strut along the apron. Brock decides he’s had enough and grabs Flair by the head and neck and tosses him into the ring. Flair immediately begins begging off. Lesnar surveys the crowd about whether or not he should turn Flair into a stain on the canvas, but the wily Flair sees Brock look away and nails him with an uppercut low-blow. Lesnar crumples and Flair, still in his robe, applies the figure-four leg-lock. Michaels and ‘Taker trip over Flair and Lesnar and sprawl through the ropes. The crowd emits a collective gasp before they see referee Tim White indicate that neither man went over the top. Michaels grabs a set of metal steps and levels ‘Taker with them. Meanwhile, Kane, having temporarily put Hart down on the mat, drops an elbow on Lesnar. Kane and Flair team up on Brock and the timer reaches zero again…

#19 “The Celtic Warrior” Sheamus (2012 winner)

“This ol’ boy here is a real hoss!” says JR. “I’m anticipating some real slobber-knockin’ now!”

Sheamus is all smiles as he strolls down to the ring, slapping hands with the fans. As he approaches the ring his face grows more serious. He hops up to the apron and appears to be measuring the competition. The then leaps into action in the ring.
“Boom!” a Brogue kick for Kane, “Boom!” a Brogue kick for Undertaker, another for Flair and another for Hart! He grabs HBK up for the Celtic Cross but Michaels slides out of it and delivers a superkick to the back of Sheamus’ head.
Sheamun staggers right into an F-5 from Lesnar. Prone on the canvas, he’s is helpless as Brock scoops him up and viciously hurls him out at the 1:28:30 mark. The six men in the ring then realize that the match is still going on and begin to pair up and start pummeling each other as the clock indicates the next entrance is due.
Suddenly, the arena lights go out again. Jesse says, “But the Undertaker is already out here!” Then “lightning” begins to flash and a crow cries. There’s a spotlight up in the rafters, and to the shock of everyone there he is…

#20 Sting (special entry)

JR is completely apoplectic. “That’s Sting! Sting is here for the Ultimate Rumble! By God, it’s the Stinger himself.”

“That’s impossible!” cries Jesse. “What it Sting doing here! This isn’t right and you know it, Ross!”
Ross says Sting won the BattleBowl at the 1991 edition of Starrcade, “the WCW version of the Royal Rumble,” in JR’s words, plus “he’s the biggest star in the past 30 years that never worked for McMahon.”

Sting drops down to the ring on a guide-wire, baseball bat in hand. Everyone wisely gives him room. He quickly frees himself from the harness, throws the bat out of the ring, and goes to work. He whips Flair into the corner. Stinger Splash! He turns and sees Michaels. Running forearm for HBK! He spins around and eats a clothesline from Kane, but no-sells it and pops up with a signature Stinger “Whoo!” He nails a cross body that sends Kane flying. Hart approaches Sting with his hand out. Sting shakes Hart’s hand. The two survey the situation and appear to reach some sort of agreement. Hart goes after Undertaker and Sting goes after Kane. Meanwhile Lesnar and HBK are going at while Flair may be legally dead in the corner. Heenan splashes water in Flair’s face and fans him with a towel. Sting and Hart send the Brothers of Destruction crashing into each other in the middle of the ring. Kane and Hart tussle in the ropes while Sting and Undertaker face off in the middle of the ring. The crowd begins to buzz. Things are about to come to a head when Shawn nails Sting from the side with a superkick. Before anything else can happen, it’s time for another participant.

#21 “Stone Cold” Steve Austin (1998 winner)

The crowd, despite having turned on Steve during his first appearance tonight, is rabid for the Rattlesnake all over again. Austin hits the ring running. Kick! Stunner! Gone for Kane at 1:35:55! Kick! Stunner! Gone for Flair at 1:36:28! Heenan has a conniption at ringside. Kick for Lesnar, but the Stunner is blocked and Brock nails Steve with a big punch. Austin staggers, flips Brock the double-bird and whips him into the ropes, taking him down with a Thesz Press. Undertaker peels Austin off of Lesnar and choke-slams him. Hart and Sting continue their team up and force Lesnar out at 1:38:22. They go after Michaels in a corner while Austin and ‘Taker continue their fight. Sting breaks away and jumps the Undertaker from behind, nearly eliminating him. Sting and Austin have a face-off and JR actually mentions their history together in WCW in the early ‘90s. They go after ‘Taker, but Sting shocks “Stone Cold” and everyone else, by dumping Austin over and out. Austin, incensed tries to climb back into the ring, but a gaggle of referees prevents it. Security has to restrain Austin to get him to the back as the clock ticks down once more.

“Time to play the Game!”

#22 Triple H (2002 winner)

HHH comes out as Jesse makes him his new pick to win it all. He climbs into the ring and joins Michaels in a DX assault on Hart. Sting and Undertaker fight along the ropes. Hart manages to escape an elimination attempt and springs off the ropes with a double clothesline, but DX quickly recover. HHH holds Bret up for a superkick, but Hart ducks at the last minute and Shawn nails Hunter instead. He flies over the top but hangs on. He grabs Hart from the outside and tries to drag him over the top. The clock counts down again.

#23 Alberto Del Rio (2011 winner)

Ricardo Rodriguez stands at the entry way announcing Del Rio’s presence as makes his grand entrance, arriving in a tricked-out white Maybach Landaulet. The entrance alone takes nearly three minutes, during which time the action in the ring continues. Undertaker nearly fights Sting over the top, but the Stinger slides back in and almost dumps ‘Taker. HHH makes his way back into the ring and Hart skillfully dodges Hunter and Shawn, playing cat-and-mouse in the ring. Del Rio finally gets to ringside just as the clock hits zero again.

#24 The Rock (2000 Winner)

By the time “what the Rock is cooking” has played over the sound system, Rocky has run down to ringside, plowing over Ricardo in the process, grabbed Del Rio and tossed him in the ring. He delivers a quick Rock Bottom and tosses Del Rio over the top and out at 1:50:40. Del Rio is outraged. Jesse cries foul, but JR and Monsoon are laughing it up. Rock turns his attention to HHH. They square off. Sting and HBK have paired off, while Hart and Undertaker fight in the corner.
Del Rio comes over to the announce table and complains to the announcers, mostly in Spanish. Referee Charles Robinson comes over and tries to persuade him to leave, but he refuses. Meanwhile Rock and HHH fall through the ropes, out of the ring, but still in the Rumble. They fall at Del Rio’s feet, with HHH clipping Del Rio’s leg. Insulted and still angry, Del Rio begins stomping on HHH. Rocky recovers, surveys the situation, and re-enters the ring. He wails on Hart and Sting, while Del Rio picks up HHH and slams him on the floor. Now more referees are trying to get Del Rio to leave as the countdown starts again.

#25 Hulk Hogan (1991 winner)

The Hulkster is back, thanks to his second win. JR notes that in addition to his 1990 Rumble win, Hogan won the 1991 Rumble the next year, the last Rumble that did not come with a guaranteed Wrestlemania title shot.
“He ended up getting it anyway, thanks to backstage politics,” spouts Ventura.

Hogan hits the ring, already apparently in “hulk-up” mode. He nails Sting with a right hand, one for ‘Taker as well. A head butt for Rocky, another for Hart, and a clothesline for HBK. Hogan poses for the crowd and Monsoon notes that “Hulkamania is running wild.” While this is going on, HHH recovers and nails Del Rio at ringside. He reaches under the ring and pulls out a sledgehammer. Del Rio begs off, and runs, HHH gives chase around the ring. Del Rio scampers into the ring. HHH follows. Del Rio jumps over the top rope to safety. HHH stops and points to his head, but before he can turn around, Hogan grabs Hunter and dumps him over and out at 1:57:17. HHH is in shock. He pounds the sledgehammer on the ground and steel steps. Del Rio is laughing as he backs down the entry ramp. HHH sees him and gives chase. Del Rio scampers to the car, but HHH gets there before he can drive away. HHH takes the hammer to Del Rio’s luxury ride while Del Rio freaks out in the driver’s seat. Jesse and JR argue over Jesse’s new pick being out of the Rumble. Everyone pairs up again as the timer hits “0” again.

#26 “Stone Cold” Steve Austin (2001 winner)

“Him again?” asks Ventura. “That’s an unfair advantage!”
Ross: “You win the Royal Rumble three times, you deserve an advantage”
Monsoon notes the Rumble has hit the 2 hour mark

Austin hits the ring, ignoring HHH’s continuing destruction of Del Rio’s ride. He quickly interjects himself between Undertaker and HBK, delivering a double stunner to both men. He grabs ‘Taker and dumps him over and out at 2:00:31, after more than an hour in the ring. He whips around and nails Rocky who was in mid-tussle with Sting. Meanwhile, Hart and Hogan are trading blows. Jesse claims Hogan dodged Hart as the Hitman was being groomed for stardom in the early 1990s. Hogan clotheslines Hart out, but he hangs on and crawls along the apron. Hogan turns his attention to Austin. They brawl as JR notes that Austin has already eliminated Hogan once tonight. Sting and Michaels mix it up as Rocky tries to complete the elimination of Hart that Hogan started. Everyone brawls as the timer counts down again.

#27 Kevin Nash (fan vote)

Nash is dressed in his Diesel attire and coming out to his “Big Daddy Cool” music. JR notes that Nash is here as a result of winning an online poll for “Best Rumble Moment” for his performance in the 1994 Rumble wherein he eliminated seven wrestlers in succession before being eliminated.
“Well, there’s only six other guys in there now,” Ventura notes. “I’m picking Big Sexy as the winner right now!”
Nash steps over the top rope into the ring. The other six competitors stop fighting and charge Nash. He meets the charge headlong and clotheslines Sting and HBK. The others fall back. Nash punches Hogan, which Hogan sells like death. Big boot for Hart. Rocky ducks a haymaker and Austin grabs Nash from behind. Kick to the gut and a Stunner for Nash. Rock hits Nash with a Rock bottom. The two men scoop Nash up and toss him at the 2:07:00 mark. Monsoon tells Jesse he should “stop making predictions before he gets someone killed.” Rock and Austin decide their team-up was a success and turn to Hogan. Austin punches Hogan and whips him at Rock who is set up for another Rock Bottom, but Hogan turns it into a clothes line, sending both men over the top rope. Hogan hangs on but Rocky goes out at 2:08:44. Monsoon asks Ventura if he was secretly picking Rock as the winner. The clock hits zero again.

#28 John Cena (2008 winner)

Ventura spouts off about the draw being rigged to favor current stars, which Monsoon dismisses. Cena charges to the ring only to be intercepted by the Rock. They brawl in the aisle. Meanwhile, Hogan and Austin fight in the corner. Hart and Sting almost have Michaels out, but he hangs on. Rock and Cena make their way up to the entry stage, where Rocky nails a Rock Bottom on the steel stage. He then picks Cena up and tosses him down the ramp. Rock finds a chair and nails Cena a couple of times on the back before spitting on him and walking away. Cena is prone on the floor at ringside as the clock strikes zero.

#29 Randy Orton (2009 winner)

“What did I tell you?” Ventura screams. “Favortism! Are you gonna tell me that Cena and Orton drew #28 and #29?” JR notes that we still have one more entry to go, pauses for a minute as if he’s running down a list of Rumble winners and mutters, “oh no.”
Orton jumps into the ring and grabs Austin. He goes for a quick RKO, but it gets blocked. Austin charges Orton and nails him with a Thesz press. Hogan seizes the opportunity to join the melee between Sting, HBK and Hart. He nails Hart with a big right hand. Hart catches Sting with a clothesline intended for Hogan and the Stinger flips over the top to the ring apron. HBK catches Sting with a superkick, sending Sting to the floor, eliminating him at 2:18:04. Austin and Orton brawl to the canvas. Cena has managed to pull himself up on the ring apron. Hogan nails Hart with a big boot and nails him with the leg-drop. Hogan and HBK team up and finally toss Bret at 2:19:48. JR notes that Hart’s time in the Rumble of 1:14:48 nearly eclipsed the longevity record Rey Mysterio set earlier in the match. The countdown clock reappears as Jesse notes the final spot, the coveted #30 spot is due next…

“No chance! That’s what you got…”

#30 Vince McMahon (1999 winner)

“I knew it,” sighs Ross.

“You gotta be kidding me,” says Monsoon as Vince struts to the ring. As he gets closer, everyone in the ring begins to stop and watch.

“What?” Jesse asks incredulously. “Every Royal Rumble winner, Monsoon. Every one.”

“Are you seriously going to try and tell me that this isn’t rigged?” asks Monsoon. “McMahon at number 30. Are you serious

Vince is all smiles as he hops up on the ring apron and does Hulk Hogan’s “cup the hand to the ear” motion to the crowd, which elicits a chorus of boos. But Vince is oblivious. He then feigns stepping into the ring, stops, and then steps down. All eyes in the ring are on Vince. He struts over and picks up a microphone.

“What? Did you forget that I’m the owner of this company?” he says. “Oh, and did you really think I would give all of you a chance to put your meat-hooks on me again? No chance in Hell, my friends. But, don’t worry, there’s going to be a 30th entry in the Rumble. You see, everyone’s got a price.”

Over the speakers, “Money! Money! Money! Money! Moneeeeey!”

#30 “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase (special entry)

DiBiase’s signature laugh echoes throughout the arena. Monsoon calls the decision to allow Ted into the Ultimate Rumble a “miscarriage of justice.”
“Ha ha, Gorilla,” says Ventura. “Everyone does have a price! Even Vince McMahon. What do you figure it cost DiBiase to get into the Rumble…at the #30 spot no less?”
JR notes that DiBiase once tried to buy the WWF title from Hulk Hogan and then actually did buy it from Andre the Giant, although he was stripped of the title.
DiBiase takes his time, taking off his Million Dollar Championship belt and handing it to Virgil who has accompanied him to ringside. He then removes his sequined jacket and pants. Virgil hops up and holds the ropes open for DiBiase. Orton rushes over to nail DiBiase, but he shoves Virgil into Orton’s path. Virgil eats a clothesline from Orton, but DiBiase slides over and dumps Orton over and out before he even makes it into the ring a 2:21:04. Meanwhile Cena has made it into the ring and to his feet, although he is wobbly and using the ropes for support. DiBiase enters the ring as Orton protests to no avail. He rushes over and attempts to toss Cena, but Cena pounds his chest and levels DiBiase. He whips Ted into a waiting Austin, who gives DiBiase a Stunner. Hogan drops the leg on a prone DiBiase. Cena performs the Five-knuckle Shuffle and scoops DiBiase up. Michaels gets in on the action with a superkick, and Hogan disposes of DiBiase at 2:24:11. JR says “I guess money can’t buy everything,” as Monsoon says good riddance.

Your final four are:
Hulk Hogan, John Cena, Shawn Michaels and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
Ventura astutely points out that three of the four men are multiple-time Rumble winners, and says Cena “is just in there to sell T-shirts.”

Austin and HBK square off along the edge of the ring. Cena and Hogan meet in the middle of the ring. JR notes “generations are colliding” as they duke it out. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Hogan blocks it with a rake of the eyes. Hogan punches Cena once, twice, on the third, Cens blocks is, puffs out his cheeks, wags a finger at Hogan and hollers “Yooouu!” mocking Hogan’s comeback ritual. Hogan does the “You can’t see me!” gesture to Cena in response. They lock up and brawl to the edge of the ring. On the opposite side, Stone Cold dumps HBK and turns his attention to Hogan and Cena, not seeing that Michaels has held onto the ropes. Austin charges and dumps both Cena and Hogan. Hogan falls to the floor at 2:29:23. Cena hangs on, but Hogan trips him off of the apron and Cena is pushed to the floor by Austin at 2:29:40.

Meanwhile, HBK has returned to the ring and is striking up the band. Austin, thinking he has won, turns to the middle of the ring and eats a superkick from Shawn. Michaels picks up Austin and tries to dump him but Austin won’t go. The Rattlesnake fights back, but can’t gain any kind of real advantage. He finally shoves Michaels back. In the middle of the ring, Michaels gets clotheslined. He tries to kip up but Austin clotheslines him down and stomps away. He picks up HBK and tries to toss him, but Michaels skins the cat on the ropes and comes back in. He goes for the superkick, but Austin grabs the foot, hits Michaels with a fist to the groin. Michaels doubles over, allowing Austin to hit the Stunner and toss HBK out at 2:34:11. The crowd goes wild as Austin climbs the corners and drinks beer.

Winner of the Ultimate Rumble of Royal Destiny – “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

As the announcers close the show, Austin pledges to challenge Bruno Sammartino for the WWWF Title at Ultimate Wrestlemania! (which I have alrady started on for this year)
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Well when I came across his official site once again, there was much more pro-wrestling material than just former NWA Champions. So I took it upon myself to put together a desktop wallpaper of his work and honestly it’s been on my laptop, iPad and phone for the last week! I couldn’t help but share his greatness with fellow wrestling fans but first, I wanted to post some background on Schamberger from his official website.

Rob Schamberger is a Kansas City born and bred artist with a lifelong love of comic books, illustration, cubists (Pablo Picasso is his all-time favorite artist), street artists, quality crime dramas, and other hipster things. He lives in a lovely loft overlooking the river with his wife and two cats.

Rob has had one book, The Believer, published with Image Comics, written by Rob and drawn by Thom Thurman. He has self-published four graphic novels he wrote and drew: The Black Chamber, Too Late, Too Soon, and The Promotion. He has had comics and illustrations published by The Kansas City Star. His illustrations and paintings have been exhibited in various galleries and museums on a consistent basis since 2008. His work has been featured on wwe.com.

Rob’s studio is located at 108A Missouri, Kansas City, MO 64106. Studio visits by appointment only.

Please be his friend on the Facebook.

Follow him on the Twitter.

Tumble with him on the Tumblr.

Send a love letter to robschamberger at gmail dot com.

And now, the wallpaper:

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Interestingly enough, as part of his promo, Punk stated that one year as champion with WWE’s grueling schedule is equal to 30 years of Bruno Sammartino as champion during his era. Punk then followed up and said “guys like Hogan had it easy.”

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Of course, this Monday’s episode of Raw will feature some memorable moments of its own, with The Rock’s return and CM Punk vs. Ryback for the WWE Title in a TLC match on tap.
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ART OF WRESTLING Ep 125 w/ Jake Roberts (@jakesnakeddt) now available at WeLoveColt.com @stitcher & iTunes #FREE twitter.com/ColtCabana/sta…

— Colt Cabana (@ColtCabana) December 13, 2012

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King Lear (The Fall of the WWF)

I was never good at this sort of thing in high school.

I read King Lear in Grade 12, and was quite impressed with it. It was very dark and cynical, and as a cynic myself I could appreciate that. But the whole “understanding Shakespeare” thing always went over my head. I’m a very superficial person at heart, and I dislike symbolism and allegories and boring stuff like that. It was meant as entertainment, says I, so entertain me.  (Probably why I’m a lifelong fan of pro wrestling, come to think of it.  I also hated poetry and couldn’t write it to save my life.) 

Despite that shortcoming, I still managed to turn in a critical essay of King Lear that earned me 100% on the provincial diploma exam for English and impressed the hell out of a bunch of teachers. (The “dips” as we called them are kind of a non-binding Canadian version of the SATs, but subject-specific and without the life-altering nature.  Basically if you want to attend Canadian university and you have the money and an 80% high school average, you’re good to go. The mania about getting into the right schools in the US always mystified me growing up because none of it applies up here.)  But being the person that I am, I quickly forgot about the subject matter and filed the play away in the endless Rolodex of useless knowledge that is my brain.  (I wish I had kept more of my stuff from high school, actually.  Now that I have a daughter who is only 2 and already loves books, I feel like it’s my responsibility to make sure to foster that as much as possible.) 

Skip ahead more than a few years, to late 1997. As a side project for my spare time, I decide to write a big epic work on the Monday Night Wars and what led to them. (Also toyed with doing a book on the subject for a while too, much later on of course.)  While writing the WWF part of things, it struck me how closely Vince McMahon resembled the tragic figure of King Lear, although the ending to HIS story was certainly anything but tragic.

For those who haven’t read King Lear, here’s a summary of what happens:

King Lear is a once-wise, aging ruler of a large kingdom who is in need of an heir. He summons his three daughters to him and decides that whichever one loves him most will be given his kingdom. Regan and Goneril lie and profess their love with various hyperbole, while Cordelia simply states her loyalty to him and no more. Lear loses control and punishes Cordelia for her answer, denying her the kingdom and giving it to his other, more “loving” daughters instead. As Lear moves away from his ruling duties, he is shuttled back and forth between his two daughters, both of whom are using him for their own gains. Soon Lear’s only true friend is the fool, who ironically is the only one who speaks the truth. Cordelia is courted by the King of France, who soon invades the weakened Lear, nearly costing Lear his entire kingdom. The invasion is barely held back by Lear’s army, and as his other daughters desert the kingdom, Lear reconciles with Cordelia and finally realizes who his true allies are, only to discover that it’s too late…Cordelia has been mortally wounded by the battle, and Lear has gone so mad that he is unable to see that, and thinking that she is still alive and able to rule his kingdom, he gives up and dies.

Rather gloomy little play, isn’t it? So what does that have to do with the WWF? Well, let’s re-write it, substituting some names…

Vince McMahon is a once-wise, aging promoter of a large wrestling company, who is in need of a new long-term draw. He summons his three biggest names to him and decides that whichever one kisses the most ass will be given a run as champion. Diesel and Shawn Michaels lie and profess their respect for Vince with various hyperbole, while Bret Hart simply states his loyalty to him and no more. Vince loses control and punishes Bret for his answer, jobbing him to Bob Backlund and giving the WWF title to Diesel instead. As Vince moves away from his creative duties, he is manipulated back and forth between his two champions, both of whom are using him for their own gains. Soon Vince’s only true ally is Jim Ross, who ironically is the only one who speaks the truth. Bret Hart is courted by Eric Bischoff, who soon invades the weakened Vince, nearly costing him the WWF. The invasion is barely held back by Vince’s loyalist workers, and as the Clique deserts the WWF, Vince reconciles with Bret Hart and signs him to a 20 year deal, only to discover that it’s too late…Bret has been morally scarred by the changing face of wrestling, and Vince has gone so mad that he is unable to see that, and thinking that Bret is still a viable draw and able to carry the WWF title whenever the need should arise, he gives up and instead allows Shawn Michaels an extended reign as champion, thus effectively conceding defeat in the Monday Night Wars.  (Also note years later that Vince really is losing his mind compared to his younger days, and pretty much kicked heir apparent Shane McMahon out of his “kingdom” and replaced him with HHH instead.) 

Heavy, no?

So this, then, is why the WWF died, and how they got there…

THE STORY

Part One: Vince McMahon 1, Federal Government 0.

The first player in our little tragedy is a guy you’ve probably never heard of, but who single-handedly changed the WWF nonetheless: Dr. George Zahorian. (I think we’ve all heard of George by now.)  See, from the mid-80s until the early 90s, steroids were legal for use in the US as long as they were prescribed by a doctor. So Vince McMahon simply hired himself a doctor, under the pretext of having them there on behalf of the state athletic commission, and away he went distributing the juice to any WWF wrestler who had the cash. And even if they didn’t have the cash, no problem, he’d just advance them some money on their next paycheque.

Problem: In 1991, Dr. George Zahorian is sent down the river by the government, and arrested on several charges of distributing steroids. Suddenly, the WWF is *very* nervous, and rightly so. Just as they feared, upon his arrest Zahorian squeals to the feds that Vince McMahon has been using and distributing steroids himself for years, and now the government has a solid and tangible way to nail McMahon on felony charges, something they’d been waiting to do for years.

And so, on Friday, November 19, 1993, the Brooklyn, NY office of the U.S. Department of Justice handed down an indictment against Vince McMahon and Titan Sports Inc. The indictment contained charges of conspiracy, possession and possession with intent to distribute. Vince was, in a word, screwed.  (Really, in retrospect he had little to worry about, because the government’s case was ridiculously circumstantial and was based on accusations in one part of the country while WWF was very publicly running shows in another part of the country entirely, thus giving Vince an airtight alibi.  But we certainly didn’t know that at the time.  The courtroom transcripts are really fascinating stuff if you ever have a few years of your life to burn.) 

The effect on the WWF was immediately noticeable. Pat Patterson took over most of the major creative endeavours in Vince’s absence, and the result was Royal Rumble 94, a card featuring 10 guys teaming up to put the Undertaker in a casket, and Undertaker subsequently rising to the ceiling after delivering a soliloquy. It was widely considered one of the stupidest things ever seen in wrestling. (Some people, ON THIS VERY SITE IN FACT, have since started defending it.  No accounting for taste, I guess.)  Ridiculous gimmick wrestlers like Doink the Clown and Men on a Mission were pushed down the fans’ throats, and the overall quality of Monday Night RAW declined at an alarming pace.

One of the bright spots of the early 1994 period was the feud between the Hart Brothers — Bret and Owen. Vince was all for transitioning the WWF title from Undertaker to Ludvig Borga, who would then lose it to Lex Luger at Wrestlemania X while Bret fought his brother in the undercard. (This has of course been debunked several times since then and likely came from Tony Halme himself.)  However, when a tied result of the Rumble was booked, with Bret and Lex both hitting the floor at the same time (although sharp-eyed fans pointed out that Lex clearly hit first), the crowd so decisively voiced their approval for Bret that the WWF had no choice but to drastically alter plans.  (I wouldn’t say “drastically alter.”  By that time they pretty much knew they were going with Bret as the top guy.)   Bret was given the title in the main event, Luger was buried. Owen was subsequently pushed into the main event as a foil for Bret. It was the first real sign that the WWF was willing to change with the times. That proved to be premature hope.

On July 22, 1994, after deliberating for 16 hours, the jury found McMahon and Titan Sports not guilty of the charges. Despite testimony from Zahorian and Hulk Hogan, there proved to be too many flaws in the evidence, holes in the stories, and reluctance from wrestlers to testify and thus be branded a traitor in the locker room, and Vince was a free man. And with the Dark Period looking to be over, Vince triumphantly returned as the creative force behind the WWF.

The first major storyline to emerge after this was the Fake Undertaker one. Ted Dibiase had “found” the Undertaker (after he “died” at the Rumble, remember), only it was SMW mainstay Brian Lee with his hair dyed red. (Not to mention one of Mark Callaway’s best friends in real life.)  The “real” Undertaker returned soon after the imposter debuted (in reality he was on vacation with his wife) and a match was set for Summerslam 94 with little buildup or interest from the fans. The real Undertaker won the match, Brian Lee disappeared, and Undertaker went back to his usual act again, a state in which he’d remain until 1996.

Meanwhile, another interesting thing occurred: WWF veteran Bob Backlund was given a title match against Bret Hart on WWF TV, and lost. At the end of the match, Backlund snapped and attacked Hart, then stared at his hands in awe. The original idea was possession by the returning Papa Shango, but to everyone’s surprise, Backlund managed to get himself over as a monster heel using only the “crazy old man” gimmick and his largely untested heel interview skills. The fans were hugely into the character, so he was pushed into the main event with Bret Hart at Survivor Series 94…and won the title. Backlund was the most interesting heel champion they’d had in years, and was hugely over. Best of all, he was still a great wrestler at 41, an age that seems downright young compared to the people on top of WCW these days. So what happened?

The Clique happened. And nothing would ever be the same again. (Sorry if this is getting a little too “Behind The Music” for everyone.  I was really into that show at this point.) 

Part Two: The Clique

(I was also into sub-headings.)  Let’s backtrack a bit.

In 1993, Shawn Michaels hit his stride as a singles wrestler, winning the Intercontinental title for a second time from ex-partner Marty Jannetty. In order to give the character the last ingredient lacking, the WWF decided to give him a bodyguard. So, as a favor to WWF star Razor Ramon, WCW jobber (and good friend of Ramon) Vinnie Vegas was hired and repackaged as the monster Diesel. The three men became friends and started working together on a regular basis. Around the same time, independent wrestler The Lightning Kid was brought in and repackaged as hard-luck underdog The 1-2-3 Kid, getting his first win by going over…you guessed it…(Frank Stallone?) Razor Ramon. He soon joined their little group. A contract dispute with the WWF left Shawn out of action in late 93 and Diesel out of luck, but by the end of the year Shawn was back and Diesel was tossing out 8 straight wrestlers in Royal Rumble 94 to win over the crowd. (That was a pretty awesome moment for him.)  Ramon was Intercontinental champion, and set up an issue with Shawn Michaels over who was the “real” champ that led to the show-stealing ladder match at Wrestlemania X.  (I’m kind of omitting Shawn’s drug suspension here, which TO THIS DAY he claims was a setup to smear his good name, which was the reason behind switching the title to Ramon in the first place.  Because if you’re looking for someone dependable and drug-free, think Scott Hall.) 

Now they were using each other to get more over, and the push escalated. Diesel and Shawn were given the tag titles shortly before Summerslam, while Ramon and the Kid were positioned as buddies. The four men had a ****1/2 tag team match with each other on an early episode of WWF Action Zone that only served to demonstrate how good they could be together and how lazy they tended to get otherwise. (Look it up on YouTube!  It’s AWESOME!  It’s not on DVD and it totally should be.)  The booking was starting to center almost exclusively on those four, and as a result they were the only ones getting enough airtime to be significantly over. (That’s what the kids call a “self-fulfilling prophecy.”) And so, at Survivor Series 94, Diesel and Shawn finally split up in order to begin the parallel singles pushes of both men. And mere days later, with almost no warning, Bob Backlund made his first title defense against Diesel after beating Bret Hart in a gruelling 40 minute marathon. Diesel won the match against Backlund in 6 seconds with a kick to the gut and a powerbomb, taking the title and kicking off the wretched “New WWF Generation” era.  (He was like Hulk Hogan, but with less moves and better hair.) 

Suddenly, the entire direction of the promotion shifted to Shawn Michaels v. Diesel. Shawn was put over several bigger men in order to build him as a viable contender. (Specifically he beat Adam Bomb clean with the superkick to not only show he could beat a bigger guy, but to establish that as his finisher once and for all.)  He won the 95 Royal Rumble and faced Diesel for the title at WrestleMania XI…and that was the first sign of a major problem for Vince McMahon, and the first sign that he was unwilling to change with the times.

Part Three: Vince <heart> Big Talentless Slugs

For you see, the WWF had now done the impossible and made Shawn Michaels MORE over than Diesel. (What, someone more over than Kevin Nash?  That’s unpossible!)  It was undeniable. For the first time in his experience since the Hulk Hogan era, the fans were actively demanding that a smaller man be given the World title push at top of the promotion, and Vince didn’t know how to deal with it. He jobbed Shawn to Diesel at Wrestlemania, which only served to make him more over than he was before. (I don’t think as the heel champion in 95 would have worked particularly well anyway.)  He gave Shawn a new bodyguard — Sid Vicious — and then had him turn on Shawn, hoping the babyface push would steer the fans toward a Sid-Diesel showdown instead. It didn’t work — the fans clearly wanted Shawn v. Diesel again, and the WWF was unwilling to provide that for whatever reason. Instead they provided Diesel v. Sid, Diesel v. Mabel, Diesel v. Yokozuna, trying everything in their power to build Diesel as a Hogan-like babyface to recapture lightning in a bottle.  (Story of their life.) 

The ultimate example of this is King of the Ring 95, one of the most depressingly bad cards ever put together by either promotion. The point of it was to make the fans fear Mabel as a legitimate title threat, but what the arena was screaming for was Shawn, and by the time Mabel defeated Savio Vega in the finals the crowd was so deflated that none of them could possibly have gone home happy. Meanwhile, the Diesel v. Sid program dragged on, playing to houses of 1000 people or less much of the time. (Yeah, even up here in wrestling-crazed Western Canada, they went from arenas to large halls.  It was pretty sad.)  And when the focus was shifted to Diesel v. King Mabel and set up as the main event for Summerslam, the groans of pain from the fanbase were almost audible. Matches like Michaels v. Ramon in a ladder rematch and Kid v. Hakushi were blowing the roof off the arena, while fans snored through Diesel v. Mabel or Undertaker v. whoever. The old formula of building up a big fat heel to lose to the virtuous champion was dying fast, but that didn’t stop the WWF from beating it into the ground all of 1995 and 1996, once Shawn got his run at the top. In Shawn’s case, he got fed to Vader and a heel-turned Diesel. Vince’s fascination with big men had killed the house show circuit so much and left Monday Night RAW such a pathetic shell of it’s former self that the WWF was now almost begging for a challenge to it’s throne.

In a word, Nitro.

Part Four: “He beats the big guy with three superkicks”

With those eight words, the Monday Night Wars were officially launched, and WCW had the lead. In the early days of Nitro, Eric Bischoff counter-programmed everything that the WWF did almost to the minute, putting matches at the commercial breaks during the WWF’s big matches. And most notably, the first example of Bischoff thinking “outside the box” was to simply give away the results of the very stale taped RAWs during the Nitro broadcast, as RAW was taped four shows at a time once a month. Did it work? That’s debatable at best. (82 weeks of ratings dominance say it did.)  But people *did* talk about Nitro now, whether it was good or bad, and that translated into viewers, enough to cause the WWF to take notice.

So what did they do? Refine their approach? Push new stars? Adjust their way of thinking about the wrestling business as a whole?

No, even better…they mocked Ted Turner.  (That’s Vince for you.) 

Yes, in early 1996, an increasingly desperate WWF began an infamous series of sketches called “Billionaire Ted’s Rasslin’ Warroom”, using very slightly changed versions of Ted Turner, Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage and Mean Gene to illustrate how much hipper and with it the WWF was. However, the sketches had two fatal flaws:

1) The WWF was doing the same repetitive nonsense that they were mocking WCW for, (Example:  They ragged on WCW for using shoes and hot coffee over and over, but RAW was filled with screwjob finishes and run-ins just as frequently) and;

2) The sketches ended up becoming so bizarre and mean-spirited that Ted Turner’s lawyers issued a cease-and-desist order against the WWF, something which much of the WWF fanbase agreed with.  (It was one thing when they were pointing out logical fallacies in their booking or how old their top stars were, but taking very personal potshots at Ted Turner just left people feeling dirty after watching them.) 

And now, with the failure of the Billionaire Ted sketches, things were falling apart more rapidly than Vince could keep up. Diesel’s contract was up and he made it known that he would rather ply his trade in WCW for more money. Razor Ramon was suffering from a severe drug habit and was no longer welcome in the WWF. (Although even with all the rehab troubles it really just came down to money and he probably would have been re-signed if they could.)  The 1-2-3 Kid’s attitude was becoming so disruptive that he was also asked to leave. (That’s saying it politely.)  And so, in the ultimate slap in the face to the WWF, the departing Clique members lost their final matches one night in Madison Square Garden, and then engaged in a group hug to close the evening, before departing for WCW the next day.

Vince was enraged, and punished the only available target for his anger: Hunter Hearst Helmsley, who had joined the Clique in mid-95 after coming over from WCW.  (There’s some dispute over whether this “punishment” was a real thing or just urban legend, but HHH himself worked it into his character later on so that’s good enough for me.) 

Now desperate for anything to gain the edge back, he started doing completely the wrong things — he re-signed the Ultimate Warrior and gave him free reign, he put a major title on Ahmed Johnson, and began pushing has-been Jake “The Snake” Roberts on a nostalgia trip. Goldust’s quasi-gay character was stretched to the absolute bounds of good taste, and then hastily turned face for political reasons. (They were getting major, MAJOR heat from gay rights groups over the character as presented.)  Untested Olympic weightlifter Mark Henry was signed to a 10 year deal, and immediately pushed. None of it worked. Nothing. The only bright spot of the bunch was Shawn Michaels carrying everything on two legs to **** matches at every turn, and even that could only go so far because of Vince’s reluctance to give a smaller wrestler like Shawn a proper run as champion.

And so finally on Memorial Day, 1996, Scott Hall showed up on the first two-hour edition of Nitro, kicking off the nWo angle, and essentially shovelling the last bit of dirt on the WWF’s grave, as WCW grabbed the ratings lead and didn’t let go of it until 1998.

The World Wrestling Federation, 1984-1996, RIP.

Now, let’s cut open the body and see what the causes of death were…

Part Five: Garbageman By Day, Wrestler By Night.

If you could boil Vince’s major problems (and there were lots) down to one simple reason, it is this: Gimmicks sell t-shirts, characters sell tickets. (That’s the one lesson that Vince Russo actually learned and put to good use.)  Vince’s inability to make that distinction cost him dearly as fans became smarter and expected a different product as a result.

See, the problem was Hulk Hogan. For years before the big crash, Vince could just stick some guy out there with a dumb gimmick, put him against Hogan, and the fans would have a reason to hate them right there. He’s fighting Hulk! Boooo! Easy, right?  (Yup.  Sounds simple, but it worked for FOUR YEARS.) 

Well, now Hogan was gone and fans needed another reason to care. Want an example of what I mean? Take Bob Holly, for instance. When he started in the WWF, he was called “Sparky” Thurman Plugg, which is a semi-clever play on “STP” and “spark plug”. Hah hah, right? But just looking at that gimmick, do you cheer him or boo him? And why?  (You boo him because he’s a dick, although we didn’t know how much of one at that point.) 

It was that “why” that really got to the fans. Because Vince would just keep sticking guys out there with silly names and silly costumes and pretty soon no one cared anymore. Vince produced the evil martial artist Kwang, who didn’t get a reaction because he didn’t do anything particularly evil. So he repackaged him as the good Caribbean legend Savio Vega, and again he didn’t get much of a reaction because he didn’t do anything particularly good. Vince, ironically, was the last to “get it”. The fans were asking “Why should we boo a plumber? Why should we cheer a garbageman? Why should even bother to care one way or another about Jerry Lawler’s evil dentist?” The WWF’s answer was basically “Because we told you so” and that’s where it all went bad. (Doesn’t THAT sound familiar?)  Because now they had to TELL the fans what they wanted to see, when in fact the fans were already telling the WWF what they wanted, and it was Shawn bumping like a madman for Razor Ramon, or Bret Hart going 30 minutes with his brother, or Mankind and Undertaker beating on each other in a boiler room. The fans didn’t care about the backstory for Mankind (he was a prize-winning piano prodigy as a child, but he never met the lofty expectations of his upper-class parents, and one day his mother slammed the lid shut on his fingers and sent him to live in the sewers and be raised by rats…just in case you were wondering), they cared because he was a dominant heel, and oh my god did he just BEAT THE UNDERTAKER?

The people knew who they cared about all along — it was those who had characters they could relate to, or personalities they could connect with. It didn’t matter what color the tights were or what profession they held (and why would someone as well-paid as a plumber bother with wrestling, anyway?) outside of wrestling, it was the wrestler that counted. That’s why Sunny got over and the Bodydonnas are a footnote of history, and that’s why the Goon was doomed to only doing a couple of RAW tapings before getting shuffled out of wrestling history. And most tellingly, that’s why fans at the 1996 Slammy Awards chanted “Kill the Clown” when Vince had Doink make an unscheduled (and unwelcome) appearance during the course of the show.

But most telling and sad of all is the treatment endured by the WWF’s brightest star during this whole period, and the one who could have saved them all along…

Part Six: This Week On RAW: Bret Hart v. Barry Horowitz!

No, not Barry Horowitz.

Following Bret’s loss to Bob Backlund in 1994, he was almost immediately de-pushed into the mid-card at the request of the Clique, who didn’t want their heat to be reduced via Bret. And so Bret got to face Backlund in a boring rematch at the biggest show of the year, Wrestlemania XI. Then he got to put over newcomer Hakushi and Jerry Lawler. Then he got to have “Kiss My Foot” matches with Lawler. Then he got to wrestle Lawler’s evil dentist Isaac Yankem in his first match at the second biggest card of the year, Summerslam. Then it was off to a feud with the evil pirate Jean-Pierre LaFitte. Man, can’t you just FEEL the excitement Bret must have had all year with that lineup?  (An unmotivated Bret is not a pretty sight.) 

Thankfully, Vince came to his senses in late 1995 and decided that Diesel was doing his company more harm than good, and jobbed him to Bret Hart at Survivor Series 95 to end the Clique Era once and for all. Bret ended up being a transitional champion to Shawn Michaels, a situation which enraged him so much that he ended up taking 6 months off and nearly jumped to WCW in the process as the famed “third man” for the nWo. (That is not correct.  Bret was never even considered for it.) 

Hindsight says that Bret probably should have left when he had the chance in 1996. (Well, Owen for sure.)  The two obvious questions, “Why was he treated so badly?” and “Why did he then stay?” are harder to deal with, but both answers, whatever they may be, speak volumes about Bret’s loyalty to the sport in general and to Vince McMahon specifically.

When Bret finally returned in the fall of 1996, with the WWF far behind WCW in the war, he was put into a program with upstart WWF newcomer Steve Austin, and then, finally, Vince McMahon made the decision to start listening to the fans, one that would slowly but surely swing the balance the other way and cause the WWF to rise from the grave like Lazarus and wreak vengeance on those who put it there.

But that’s another rant.

Part Seven: Checkmate.

The death was slow and painful — from mid-1996 until early 1998, the WWF was essentially a zombie, a walking corpse that no one had noticed was dead yet. It took a total cleansing of the heel-babyface system, the gimmick system, the lockerroom, and a reinvention of what weekly episodic TV (ROYALTIES!  I FUCKING WANT ROYALTIES!)  was with regards to wrestling in order for the WWF to return to it’s former glory. Had ECW not been around to provide a template, it’s sketchy at best as to whether or not Vince would have known how to go about recreating himself and his promotion, and it’s even sketchier whether the WWF fanbase would have been receptive to those changes. In fact, given how close to total bankruptcy the WWF was at the point where Diesel lost his title to Bret Hart, it’s sketchy as to whether they could have even survived another year.  (I still think Vince overstates his own financial woes around that time in order to make himself look like the poor underdog against big bad Turner.) 

But with wrestling, as with the stories crafted for it and upon which they are based, it is often darkest before the dawn for the protagonist and there is usually much soul-searching and spiritual realizations to go through before redemption can be found.

I’m sure Shakespeare would agree. In fact, he’d probably be watching RAW, too, and wearing an Austin 3:16 t-shirt…
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Mars himself has explained this in the past: “I was called Peter at school but at home I was never called that. I was Bruno. My dad was a fan of the wrestler Bruno Sammartino, who was heavyset. When I was a kid I was a little pudgy. I reminded him of a wrestler.”
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Which, truth be told, is probably one of the best ways he could have delivered the state of the WWE.

Because the state of the WWE today is that it’s yesterday once more.

Let’s look at a few of the common complaints about the current state of the WWE, shall we?

1. Cena’s on top. Even when he’s not champ, he’s the focus.
          Well, true. He is on top. His feuds have more prominence than the champion/s around him. That’s crazy! That’s ridiculous! That’s… the 1980s and 1990s all over again. Hogan was champ for, what, almost four years. Then Savage beat him and no matter who Savage was facing for the title, Hogan was always around somewhere until, of course, the feud became against him. Then the Ultimate Warrior became champ, and yet Hogan’s feuds were highlighted much more. And then Hogan wore that stupid helmet with the fist on it. Of course, then we had Hogan in WCW doing exactly the same thing, only worse than he had in the (then) WWF.

2. Women’s wrestling in the USA is really in the doldrums.
          And? The Jumping Bomb Angels were way ahead of their time, the Fabulous Moolah and Wendi Richter looked like they could handle themselves in the ring… and then what? Trish Stratus started as a valet and God-awful in the ring. Yes, she improved, and yes she became good (though not brilliant), but who else was there? Lita, when she wasn’t valeting, I’ll give you that. Victoria, sure, at times. And? Jazz? The Kat? Sable? Stephanie freakin’ McMahon? How were they better than the plastic dolls we have today? And what happened between Moolah and Stratus? Alundra Blayze (Madusa) and… Bertha Faye? And then when Blayze had her puppies super-sized she seemed to lose half her agility and ability, so she went to WCW.

3. Wrestlers people are sick or are not over of are being pushed down the fans’ throats.
          There are so many we could name! Aldo Montoya (Justin Credible), Tugboat/Typhoon (Shockmaster), Billy Jack Haynes, Hercules, Paul freakin’ Roma. Sure, they may have had success elsewhere, and maybe even have been over briefly. But the fans in general simply did not care. Sound familiar?

4. There is no longer a real tag team division.
          Ah yes, I remember the 1987 and 1988 Survivor Series showing that WWF had enough tag teams to have a tag team survivor series match, five teams a side. By 1992, this was reduced to 2 teams a side. The Attitude Era had New Age Outlaws, and then the late 90s had the Hardyz, Edge & Christian and the Dudley Boys. Yes, in those mid-90s, there were a few teams, but the titles were held by such combinations as Shawn Michaels & Diesel, The 1–2–3 Kid & Bob Holly, Owen Hart & Yokozuna, Steve Austin & Shawn Michaels, and Steve Austin & Dude Love. The titles were merely there to further existing feuds or create new ones. And the real teams were often just fodder for the super-teams.

5. The WWE is toning down their product because of extraneous things the McMahons are involved in.
          Yes, this senate bid by Linda McMahon is terrible! It’s meant we have a toned-down PG product, it’s meant that smaller people with greater skills like Daniel Bryan and CM Punk are pushed to the top, it means that there’s no blood pouring out of every single punch, it means the buyrates have dropped. But this really is unprecedented, like when the steroid trials were going ahead and smaller guys (comparatively) like Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels were suddenly pushed, the product was toned down, wrestling skill was emphasised, buyrates dropped down… hang on…

Yeah, well.

So the state of the WWE? Well, really, it’s in the same state it’s been in the past. It’s different to the Attitude Era and the Monday Night Wars, sure, but, statistically, there have been only 2 real “boom” periods for wrestling – the Rock’n’Wrestling period and the Monday Night Wars period. We’re just going through a not-boom period at the moment, and it’s just like all the other not-boom periods before. Older fans don’t like it, but there’s enough people buying PPVs, merch, DVDs, etc to keep them kicking along strongly. They still make profits – they’re not losing money hand over fist.

State of the WWE? Simple: Same as always.

And that’s this view.

So, now for some Australiana. Australia’s new National Anthem.

 
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50: Diamond Dallas Page
49. Rocky Johnson
48. Bob Armstrong
47. Trish Stratus
46. Danny Hodge
45. Tommy Dreamer
44. Pedro Morales
43. Kofi Kingston
42. Ivan Putski
41. Tommy Rich
40. Lex Luger
39. Wahoo McDaniel
38. Eddie Guerrero
37. Antonino Rocca
36. Mr. Wrestling II
35. Jerry “The King” Lawler
34. Tito Santana
33. Verne Gagne
32. Rob Van Dam
31. Chief Jay Strongbow
30. Jack Brisco
29. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan
28. Bob Backlund
27. Mil Mascaras
26. The Road Warriors
25. Bobo Brazil
24. Shawn Michaels
23. The Crusher & The Bruiser
22. Jimmy Snuka
21. Ryback Goldberg

20. Mankind
19. “Macho Man” Randy Savage
18. Magnum TA
17. The Ultimate Warrior
16. Jeff Hardy
15. Andre the Giant
14. The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express
13. The Junkyard Dog
12. The Undertaker
11. The Von Erichs
10. Rey Mysterio

09. Ricky Steamboat

08. The Rock

07. Dusty Rhodes

06. Bret “Hit Man” Hart

05. Sting

04. John Cena

03. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin

02. Hulk Hogan

01. Bruno Sammartino

What do you think of WWE.com’s list of Top 50 Good Guys in the Wrestling Industry? Who should have made the list that didn’t? Sound off in the comments section below!
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Quick Quip: If you like scandals, soap operas and disparaging the dead… this should be the shoot for you.
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Hello all, my (pen)name is James A. Sawyer and welcome to My Pinterest Is Piledrivers.  You can follow me at Twitter (of which I only tweet and retweet the funniest material) @TodaysJimSawyer, although fair warning most of my tweets are non-wrestling related.  Also, while you’re following me, follow my chum Blair A. Douglas (aka the B.A.D. Beast of Canada) @BlairADouglas.  Once Twitter seduces him as it has all of us he’ll recognize the allure and use it more.

Also, let me say some belated words on Jerry “The King” Lawler.  My first and main exposure to Lawler was as the heel RAW announcer.  I vaguely remembered him being forced to kiss his own feet by Bret “The Hitman” Hart and wondering why Bret was wrestling with a guy that seemed like he could be his doughy uncle.  I later, in the late 1990s, saw a documentary on Andy Kaufman that filled in some more blanks to his background.

I loved Jerry as a heel announcer, though.  He had such an impish glee to it that you couldn’t get that frustrated with him.  His horndog routine by shrieking “puppies” at anything with a uterus walking by (probably also not a routine) and his corny insults meant that you rolled your eyes at him more than wanting to hit the mute button.  I can’t recall his ever getting into a too-heated argument with JR, another lost art in broadcasting.  For someone coming up in the 1990s watching RAW, they were it, miles ahead of the Nitro guys.  I’m glad he’s okay, and hopefully now he can take it easy, heal up, stay out of matches and get back to the desk even better than before.

This week, I want to talk about something that many wrestling fans go through.  Something that I bet Vince refers to as… the vicious cycle.  The cycle being, when one comes in, and out, of being a wrestling fan.

Growing up in the Eighties, I was a young wrestling fan.  Despite being from just outside Atlanta, I only watched WCW as a last resort.  My dreams laid with the neon heroes and villains of the WWF like “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Skinner, Repo Man, Ultimate Warrior, Koko B. Ware, and of course Hulk Hogan.  I remember being legitimately afraid for the Hulkster when he faced the Undertaker at Survivor Series in 1991, and it looks like I wasn’t alone from the crowd shots of kids in this video.

As time went on, I lost track of that colorful world.  I can’t really put my finger on why, but you can probably blame Nirvana and the Age of Apocalypse.  And noticing cup sizes.  The, as I entered high school in the late Nineties, wrestling started making a comeback.  I remember two of my friends being smarks before smarks were smarking it up.  I don’t know if they had the internet back then or what, but they somehow knew insider terms and how all the ex-WWF guys were going down south and joining the nWo, and how every Monday Nitro ended with a smosh and a ring full of garbage.  For some reason, back then that seemed like the epitome of cool and dangerous.  Of course, I still kept up with the WWF, and it turns out that’s just as well as I got to see the rise of some of the great stars of any era.

Holy mother of God that promo is still awesome.  Short, and mature, especially for that era.  He’s cursing and blaspheming like nobody’s business.  Hell, they probably couldn’t do that today.

They also introduced me to the gritty, underground cultish phenomenon of ECW.  The music was actual songs that I’d heard of and liked!  They had someone going through a table in every match!  No countouts or DQs!  Seeing those tapes back then was like stumbling on a weird, hidden world.

Then that happened.  Anyway, throughout high school I somehow managed to find the time in my busy social schedule (cough cough) to watch two hours of RAW, three hours of Nitro, that later expanded to include two hours of Thunder, two hours of Smackdown, and the occasional one hour of ECW when they briefly bought infomercial time in Atlanta.  I still remember the 1-900 ads that would play immediately after ECW went off the air.  Kids- 1-900 numbers were phone sex lines for horny singles in the days before the internet and 24/7 access to filth and depravity!

Then, around the time ECW lost their show on TNN, and the McMahons bought WCW… I dropped out again.  I had basically stuck with the WWF as Jericho, Raven and the Radicalz dropped out of WCW, and 800 iterations of the nWo, Jeff Jarrett, Master P and KISS dropped in.  There’s a gaping hole that I missed filled with Austin’s heel turn, the Invasion, the introduction of Cena, Batista and Orton among others.

Then, for morbid curiosity or whatever… I started turning back in.  It was right around the time that the WWE started having ECW tribute shows, then bringing back the program (or reheating the corpse), Edge being the biggest heel in the company, CM Punk debuting (along with his onetime arch-enemy Elijah “Why Him And Not Me” Burke).  I’ve gotten to see the Money In The Bank match almost always deliver, John Morrison and the Miz run roughshod over the tag-team division, the last regular appearances from my childhood favorite the Undertaker, don’t get me wrong, there’s been some good stuff.  Some horrible, tragic stuff like two of my former favorites dying, one by accident and one… shudder.  But it reaffirmed in my mind that I was a lifelong wrestling fan.  It got me.  It’s in my blood, and I cannot deny it.

Right now Daniel Bryan is a former US and world champion, and a current tag-team one.  Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston, Claudio Castagnoli, Chris Hero, Tyler Black, Tyson Kidd are all on the roster.  CM Punk is a main eventer and now a mainstream media poster boy.  And yet…

The last wrestling Guerrero was run out of the company by being jobbed out to a leprechaun week after week.  John Cena is still the face of the company, eight years after rising to the top.  The Big Show is still plodding around.  John Morrison left and took his high-flying spots with him.  Zack Ryder’s heat was stomped, the guy punished for getting himself over for the express purpose of wanting to be a part of a business he loved as a kid.  Now I shudder to imagine the audience non-reaction to any title run he’d have now, or how his merch sales have done since disappearing for most of 2012.  Instead of building guys up in the midcard for years, and having them gain momentum, they throw Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger and Sheamus straight up to the top and expect fans to just accept it.

“Hey, the tag-team division looks like it’s heating up with Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara, Team Black Dudes and Daniel Bryan and Kane!”  I just don’t know if I can trust them anymore.  “They got JR and JBL back on commentary!”  Only because of a tragedy, it won’t last.  “CM Punk is a heel again!”  He never should have turned face, but afterwards he never should have turned back as quickly and randomly.  No matter how much I try, I just see what’s going on wrong, rather than what’s going on right.

Maybe it’s not you, wrestling… maybe it’s me.

Okay… maybe it’s you a little.
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Now onto the column……..

Unfortunately, Jerry Lawler suffered a heart-attack on Monday Night Raw during the Daniel Bryan/Kane vs. Primetime Players match. In the middle of the match, the commentary went silent and the crowd behind the announce table looked concerned, and the following segments had no commentary either. Thereafter, Cole told the fans that Lawler collapsed at ringside and had been stretched out. He kept emphasizing that it wasn’t apart of the night’s entertainment, similar to Jim Ross during Owen Hart’s tragic death. Luckily, I was watching Monday Night Football instead of Raw because I missed this tragic event and never want to see anything from that show. Someone told me, though, so I did kept checking the dirt sheets for updates.

There were a lot of fans that believed WWE should have ended the show. Sometimes, I can be hard on the WWE, but I can’t criticize them for not stopping the show. It was just a bad situation for everyone involved, period. They would have been criticized for whatever decision they made. If they cancelled it, sponsors would have been extremely upset, they wouldn’t have hard-sold their pay-view, and would have needed to refund everyone’s ticket. I met Jerry Lawler before and heard a lot of people talk about him. While I cannot put words in his mouth, I believe he would have wanted the show to go on because of his passionate love for wrestling.

Jerry Lawler as a witty, obnoxious color announcer are the only childhood memories I have of Lawler. At the time, I found him extremely obnoxious, annoying, and flat-out mean. I hated everything about him, especially how often he condemned the good guys’ tactics. To me, he had no soul and was purely evil. He made me hate heels and feel more sympathetic for the babyface to a greater length. That means he did a phenomenal job. Out of all the announcing teams, there aren’t that many that were better than Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler. Ross was the perfect voice of reason, while Lawler was the hypocritical, obnoxious, condescending, and purposely contradicted himself.

I checked out Lawler’s early WWF feuds, and the one that stands out is the one with Bret Hart. No doubt, Lawler was excellent at pushing the envelope, especially for that era and during that feud, and knew how to get old-school heat on the microphone. However, I honestly believed Lawler was sub-par as a wrestler, as I thought anyone who couldn’t have a good match with Bret Hart is  bad. But, of course, I didn’t know Lawler was watered-down. If McMahon allowed him to, he could have been one of the best heels in the company.

The first match I finally saw of Lawler in his prime was against Jackie Fargo. It was a clipped match, but it was the best 5 minutes of wrestling ever, as it was the most realistic brawl I ever seen. Both wrestlers punching, timing, and selling were so realistic that I convinced one of my friends that it was a shoot. Afterwards, I was hooked on Jerry Lawler in his prime and saw all his notable matches from Terry Funk, Bill Dundee, Dutch Mantell, and, of course, to Andy Kaufman.

Lawler is one of the most unsung heroes of the wrestling business. He was much more than an obnoxious announcer. He was one of the most realistic wrestlers, one of the best talkers, and a rarity that was just as effective as a babyface than heel (and vice-versa). For Lawler’s sake, hopefully the WWE will one day buy Memphis’ library so more people can see how much talent Lawler had. After all, I believe everyone would enjoy seeing a Lawler DVD someday. Hopefully, and more importantly, Lawler makes a full-recovery from this tragic event and will be doing what he loves as soon as possible.

Defending Dolph Ziggler:

“CH Punk: Its like they’re pushing Dolph so they can say “See IWC we push good workers”

Blair: Ziggler is not a great worker. Ziggler is the best worker out of a handful of really shitty workers. That alone doesn’t make him good.”

Now, let it be known that I’ve never really been a big fan of Billy Gunn, but I’ve never really understood the net’s hatred of him either. And this comment, I don’t understand at all. The guy has had good matches, very few if any great ones – but how many in the WWE actually are capable of having great ones except on the odd occasion? And Gunn can cut promos that, at the very least, are no worse than your Cody Rhodes or Damien Sandow types. I’ve yet to hear or hear of a good Ziggler promo. I’d be legitimately curious to know which current and regular WWE performers you guys place above Billy Gunn in terms of ring-work? I’d say Punk, Bryan, Claudio, Mysterio, and maybe Del Rio? That’s literally everyone I can think of. Everyone else is either at least on par with him, like I would say Ziggler is, or just downright terrible. When you’re done with that, tell me who has more charisma than he does… again, I’d say Punk, Bryan (and that’s only since this year or so), Cena, and on a good day, Orton. Again, that’s literally it. Certainly not Dolph Ziggler.”

My Response: 

I see that you don’t find Dolph Ziggler to be a good overall wrestler, and there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, we all have assholes and opinions. My problem is you don’t really say why. Don’t get me wrong, would he be someone I’d put in my top-tier workers off all time list?  No. He’s still really good, though.

Needless to say, but I think he’s really close to having a breakout match (although many Ziggler fans would dispute that he has). Personally, I think he’s like WWE CM Punk before his feud with Jeff Hardy: he’s had a lot of good-to-great matches, but the Ladder match with Jeff Hardy proved that he was going to be a top-tier worker (and that he adapted to the WWE style). Also like old WWE Cm Punk, Ziggler hasn’t had the best of opportunities to put on a groundbreaking match, but the sky will be the limit once they cement him as a main eventer. Ultimately, Ziggler has shown that he can have great matches and in addition to that I see the potential of being capable of putting on classics.

Seriously, he has tons of athleticism that allows him to pull out inventive spots and pull off fast-paced sequences. He’s the best bump taker in the company right now, as he takes extremely sadistic ones and is like a pinball machine in the ring. His selling is realistic and subtle. And, lastly, it seems like he can be on the same page with almost anyone he works with. Without a doubt, there are certain things he could improve on, i.e storytelling, working/reading the crowd, etc. But still, I cannot imagine why someone could say he’s not good. And there honestly isn’t a word in the dictionary that could explain how perplexed I am that anyone could think Billy Gunn was better than him.

In addition, although Dolph Ziggler isn’t the best talker in the world, I cannot see how you couldn’t say his promos are at least serviceable. While he hasn’t lit my world on fire with any of his promos, the most  get their point across perfectly. I am not going to go through every Ziggler promo that I found good, but I can name a recent one that was good – the first encounter with Jericho. I mean, the promo basically turned Jericho from a heel to a sympathetic babyface. Ziggler’s delivery, arrogance, and mannerisms made it way more dramatic. That’s pretty significant in my book.

Though I believe the Ziggler character has a flaw and that is Vickie Guerrero. Admittedly, she does receive nuclear heat, but she’s too catch-phrase heavy and not to mention has become essentially a comedic figure. Additionally, a manager is supposed to help get the wrestler more over, but she overshadows Ziggler instead. It also seems like their chemistry is simply off.  I mean you can just tell Ziggler isn’t conformable with the role he’s in with her. It could be because she’s almost twice his age or because of Eddie, but they just don’t make a good duo. Instead, they come off as awkward together.

Nevertheless, I believe Ziggler is a solid promo. What wins me over the most about the guy is the way he carries himself, as his facial expressions, mannerisms, and body language perfectly distinguish the cocky persona he’s portraying. Plus, he’s a great worker and very soon to be amazing one; I cannot comprehend why you don’t think so either.
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